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Seal the Deal

I know a lot of men who say that compatibility in the bedroom is extremely important to them. I have never heard them say it is what would seal the deal when it comes to marriage though.

I think some women believe that men are into the chase and they only want one thing in a dating relationship.  I’m sure that is the case with a lot of single people, men and women.  However, those of us who actually value friendship over sex, are willing to find out if the compatibility extends past the bedroom. Do you find this a challenge in dating?

Is it difficult to get each other to focus on our “emotional connection” with someone without letting the  sex cloud our judgment?

Do you think that men value sex over friendship more than women? What if a guy is looking for a committed relationship, does that make a difference?

Ladies, do you think you would marry someone just because of the great sex? Would you marry someone if it was mediocre or bad? Does love have to seal the deal for you to marry?

Men, what seals the deal for you when you feel like you’ve met Ms. Right?

356 comments Add your comment

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
10:45 am

@Raqi–I see the point that you’re making and I think we’re on the same page, but on different paragraphs.

I thought the same thing when I read:

What she said “It’s all in the mindset”
versus
What he said ” it’s how you felt about the person before the sex”

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
10:50 am

Man please… Yeah I wanna be friends with my mate but I want her to have some bomb a$$ coochie.. Sex and friendship is equally important to me cause if you got some lame poon tang Im gonna cheat. I have needs… I need us to be there mentally and physically..

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
10:52 am

I absolutely do (and have done)…. Unfortunately when you decide its the right time to have sex with someone… you don’t know what you’re going to expect. Ttalking about it and the actual act is 2 different things… Damn here i go getting a tad bit too personal, but oh well lmao!!! When i first had “sex” with my current, it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. He did some things that i questiones, and kinda had that rabbit effect going on.. I had to tell him what i liked didn’t like.. do that.. try this.. slow down.. speed up.. all that. Was it tiring hell yeah!!!! But (at the time) i loved him and was not going to let “sex” hinder us from being together.

Now if he’s not willing to listen to your needs and wants in the bedroom… then that’s another topic i gess…

Dan

September 16th, 2009
10:54 am

@Lioness

Just like being drunk doesn’t make you say or do something abnormal for your personality (on the thought that the alcohol releases the inner azzhole); a person is never more who they are than during sex (IMO).

The emotionally open and honest person outside the bedroom isn’t the physically and emotionally cold person inside (or vice versa).

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
10:57 am

@ Dan… Maybe its me… i’m still trying to grasp your opinion.. another analogy please

dw

September 16th, 2009
10:57 am

@Dan–Yeah, I just think we have to agree to disagree on this one.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:00 am

You really think you can teach a grown man how to have sex

Yes, you can. You can teach him how you want and need it.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:01 am

I thought the same thing when I read

Ms.Main and DW you all may be correct. I have a slight headache and reading while trying to do something else here at work.

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
11:03 am

Ladies, do you think you would marry someone just because of the great sex? I couldn’t do that. Once you get out of bed or off the floor or off the washing machine, what do the two of you do and talk about about if sex is the only connection?

Would you marry someone if it was mediocre or bad? Does love have to seal the deal for you to marry? Yes, love is the glue that helps cement the relationship (along with other components). If you’re mediocre perhaps we both can go to “school” and teach each other ways to enhance our lovemaking. If it’s downright bad, then love won’t even show its head! So, no need to think about marriage.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
11:04 am

Ok can we clarify that the person we are sexing is not a jump off and a prospect. I would think anyone after 30 would have the perspective that the connection is what matters the most.. Because when that connection is there the sex will be better.. Normally.. But some people are just sorry in the sack.. Ordinary missionary sex will get you put out. I like to be adventurous and explore the possibilities.. I like a girl that Ceelo Green was talking about.. “Is willing to pull over and freak something in the car..” The beauty is that only her and I know how far the boundaries go, cause the general public would never believe that she was a monster in the sack..

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:07 am

Dan- I don’t get you.. So, if I am very open about how I feel about the relationship & you, I would like to have my hair pulled & spanked in the bedroom???

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:07 am

Dan

September 16th, 2009
11:08 am

@Dream_n

It boils down to “who’s the real person?” Is she (he for the ladies) the confident, intelligent woman that exists before sex, or she the “turn the light off, don’t look at me” woman in the bedroom.

Which person am I dealing with?

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
11:08 am

Ok here it goes.. What I want.. Is…

A Homie Lover Friend.. OHHHHHH!!!

dw

September 16th, 2009
11:09 am

@Infamous–That’s that ride or die loyalty that I’m talking about. When you know they will ride into hell with you and back, then those instances of pulling over in the car and freaking something will occur more often than you can imagine. But when there is no connection other than sex they aren’t willing to take those kinds of chances with you. Handle the rest and the sex will take care of itself.

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:10 am

I COULD NOT marry a person that couldn’t sex me properly!!!

Dan- I don’t get you.. So, if I am very open about how I feel about the relationship & you, I would like to have my hair pulled & spanked in the bedroom???

Dan

September 16th, 2009
11:11 am

@Lioness

No. That’s an exaggeration.

If you’re open and honest outside the bedroom, then you’re able to express the yourself inside the bedroom. Put it on me to communicate (in both places) openly and honestly.

@Dk

Yeah, we’re (at least I am) talking about a potential SO.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:11 am

That’s that ride or die loyalty that I’m talking about. When you know they will ride into hell with you and back, then those instances of pulling over in the car and freaking something will occur more often than you can imagine. But when there is no connection other than sex they aren’t willing to take those kinds of chances with you. Handle the rest and the sex will take care of itself.

This post should be bronzed.

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:12 am

Dan- she the “turn the light off, don’t look at me” woman in the bedroom.<– Some ppl have issues with their body.. Doesn't mean who they project they are with their clothes on is a lie..

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
11:12 am

THE INFAMOUS DK

co-signing your post…..

that post is the reason why i differ with Dan’s statement:
“a person is never more who they are than during sex (IMO)”

Totally untrue (IMO)… like some men say.. we want a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed… I think if you truly love and want to please a person “in bed” you may be willing to do or say things you wouldn’t normally do or say… Just b/c I may be spontaneous and give oral to my husband while he’s driving (just an example).. doesn’t mea that’s the real me and what i’m about.. It’s just that i love my husband and i want to please him in any way possible… with the exception of gay sex: ie: anal.. lmao!!!! but that’s another topic also :)

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:16 am

A person on bed rest could still have oral sex.. No??

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
11:17 am

@ Lioness-

lmao!!!

Dan

September 16th, 2009
11:17 am

@Dream_n

But the oral in the car is an extension of “baby let me make your favorite meal” or having it made.

In both instances, it’s how far (much) you’re willing to go (do) for someone you care about.

dw

September 16th, 2009
11:17 am

Thanks @ARed

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:18 am

doesn’t mea that’s the real me and what i’m about

Statements like these always confuse me. We are what we do. If that’s what you are doing that’s who you are.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:20 am

Lioness, No.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
11:21 am

DW – These days you better know the chick your doing the grown up with.. I guess with me its understood if Im bumpin uglies with a babe I have to like her and feel that connection. I know for a fact I can get sex when i cant eat so thats no big deal, but weaving a tapestry with a babe and combining the mental with the physical is of utmost importance.. I have to have both.

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
11:21 am

@Lioness ~ depends on what they’re on bed rest for. You don’t want to bust open any stitches should there be some. And, you don’t want to send them home from bed rest back to the hospital…too funny!

@InfamousD ~ you’re on point with that post!

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:21 am

that post is the reason why i differ with Dan’s statement:

I think it’s safe to say no one is on Dan’s page today in terms of his philosophies. Can we just accept it an move on. That dead horse is starting to smell. :lol:

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:24 am

Ared- That dead horse is starting to smell<– I AM GOING TO HURT YOU!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
11:25 am

@ Raqi

You have to go back and read Dan’s statement to understand.. or read the entire paragraph as a whole and not pick out 1 sentence.

What I was trying to convey to Dan was in response to his statement saying that people are more of who they are while having sex.

I was disagreeing b/c…. You may have a strong confident woman at her job.. who you would think in the bed room would take charge be the dominator, but soon realize that she isn’t. You can’t determine one’s true character by having sex with them.

abc

September 16th, 2009
11:25 am

‘Compatibility’ is the keyword. It doesn’t have to be all kind of this or that, it just has to be compatible. Whereas sexual compatibility is critically important — as they say, the 2 things that will screw up any relationship are sex and money — compatibility of all kinds is just as critically important. A good match is just that: a good match, as in compatible.

I wouldn’t say men value sex over friendship. If you’re not best friends with your romantic interest, find a different romantic interest, because you’re missing the biggest piece of the puzzle. That doesn’t mean sex is unimportant, or can be done without altogether — although, at the same time, you know you’re (hopefully, if you’re lucky) going to grow quite old together, and things like sex will be history, at some point. Then what? No more love, no more romance?

Page1908

September 16th, 2009
11:26 am

LOL @ everyone! Do any of you actually think (or admit) that that you could be the one who is lacking in the bedroom? of course not. *shrugs*.

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
11:26 am

Raqi – I was going to make a similar statement. If it’s not you doing it, who is it?

All of my actions are who I am. I own all of me. Even when I’m screwing up, making bad decisions, my slip is showing, acting up, acting ugly, making bad jokes, whatever. It’s ALL ME. I own it as much as I do any of my momentary flashes of brilliance, greatness, humanity and all.

I think many of us can get hung up in not wanting to appear too much of a freak or too loose. As a rule, we shouldn’t want to appear that way to the general public. However, if I can’t get loose with my significant other, then dernit, when can I get loose?

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting loose in the proper place at the proper time.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:27 am

I mean come on, if someone is holding back in their relationship, wheter it’s physically, emotionally etc, it’s just a sign that the person is not completely comfortable with you yet to let all the walls down. For men, it takes longer to get to the emotional core, for women it’s usually a physical one.

Either you’re willing to stick it out or you’re not. It isn’t rocket science.

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
11:27 am

@ AmazonRed™

okay.. what would you like to converse about :)

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
11:28 am

ABC – Im gonna wanna be a dirty old man with my wife.. You know the old couple that cant keep their hands off each other.. Always out dancing, travelling and into something.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:28 am

Do any of you actually think (or admit) that that you could be the one who is lacking in the bedroom?

Page – I am a big lame in the bedroom. But they keep coming back for some reason. :lol:

Dan

September 16th, 2009
11:28 am

@Raqi (11:18)

exactly

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
11:29 am

These days you better know the chick your doing the grown up with.. I guess with me its understood if Im bumpin uglies with a babe I have to like her and feel that connection. I know for a fact I can get sex when i cant eat so thats no big deal, but weaving a tapestry with a babe and combining the mental with the physical is of utmost importance.. I have to have both.

Amen brother….I have no problem taking things to any level you want to try or venture but I seriously can’t go there nor open up those facts and let the love seriously shine through unless we are there, on the same page and moving in the same direction. I know we hear all the time that women think too much of the kitty but I cannot give myself wholly nor go there unless we sync. I feel it teeters on “random” sex without a connection and that’s a no go for me.

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
11:30 am

I meant “facets” not “facts”

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:30 am

DK- ME TOO!!!!!!!! :razz:

Whitney didn’t admit that she smoked crack???

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
11:31 am

Let Dan pontificate to his heart’s desire.

What is this forum for but to debate?

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:31 am

Leggs I am a more on the terms of when you are sick and threatening a miscarriage and placed on bed rest. Honestly I would feel repulsed if I am pregnant and sick to the point of having to stay in bed and my husband can’t manage during that temporary setback. I would rather he cheat on me than to demean me, his sick wife, by asking me to perform oral sex on him.

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
11:32 am

I know we hear all the time that women think too much of the kitty but I cannot give myself wholly nor go there unless we sync. I feel it teeters on “random” sex without a connection and that’s a no go for me.

Couldn’t have said it better myself..

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:32 am

okay.. what would you like to converse about

Anything but that poor dead horse. :lol:

dw

September 16th, 2009
11:32 am

I’m with you on that DK!

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
11:33 am

If you’re not best friends with your romantic interest, find a different romantic interest, because you’re missing the biggest piece of the puzzle.

Another good one!

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:33 am

Let Dan pontificate to his heart’s desire.

What is this forum for but to debate?

:lol:

SexyCool, I’m just contributing in my own way. :lol:

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
11:34 am

I’m proud of Whitney…I hope she stays grounded and never look back.