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Can You Be My Co-Star?

I haven’t watched Oprah’s interview with Whitney Houston in it’s entirety yet, but I saw a portion of it. I believe Oprah asked if her ex-husband, Bobby Brown was ever jealous of her success.  Houston paused for a moment before answering yes, but she mentioned that when her career skyrocketed, he was supportive. Her career and success took center stage and he took on the role of protector and supportive husband, and she loved that.

When we discussed single successful women,  I noticed that the new male-female relationship dynamic is probably completely new territory. Many of us grew up with our fathers’ career and ambitions taking center stage.

So how would a couple navigate the whole new world of being more versatile and flexible to the modern-day circumstances?

Ladies, are you meeting or dating men that would feel comfortable with your career taking center stage?  I honestly think that men would be willing to be supportive for the right woman.

Do you think it is possible to have an equal and loving partnership if the woman is the “leading lady” and her man is in the supporting role?

I know that men often say that loyalty and support is an absolute must in their woman. Are men able to provide the same to women when her career is red hot?  What part of being the co-star instead of the star of the show would bother you? How can women help to make this dynamic work for you?

286 comments Add your comment

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
8:55 am

Happy Tuesday!

To be completely honest, I wouldn’t WANT my career to take center stage. That’s not what I want out of this life. And if it came down to me chosing family over career (cuz often focus on one comes at the expense of another) I’d chose my family, including exiting the work force.

I don’t know…this whole modern day family is a bit foreign to me. My dad worked, my mom stayed at home and that’s just how it is. My mom had to go back to work when I was in HS and no one in the family was happier with that decision.

In terms of the dating world, I meet men who are more on the traditional side. Not all of them are down with their woman staying at home, but they all believe that the man should be the primary breadwinner.

Wings () (Love Is The Most Excellent Way)

September 15th, 2009
9:23 am

Good Morning All!

The only thing that I wanted when I was the Star was love and support.

The most important thing that I gave when I was the Co-Star was love and support.

Have a Great Day!

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 15th, 2009
9:34 am

I can be your co-star but not your b!tch.. I could never be the ole lap dogg kinda dude, henpecked beyond belief. I will still wear these pants in the relationship. Im just a Man’s Man and would never be put in a skirt, I dont care if you are Oprah or Whitney..

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
9:41 am

I think this dynamic can work if one thing is kept (RESPECT) and one thing is left out (EGO’S). We all witnessed how things can happen when ego’s get out of control. People love power and power trips. I think a guy can be 100% onboard with the co-star role but I think they GOT to know that they are respected by you. The interesting thing is that this can be defined differently in each circumstance, therefore you both have to remain in constant communication to ensure that there is an above average level of respect.

An example is a friend of mine is working on an MBA and not working but his girlfriend is an OBGYN with her own practice. We were discussing home theatres and he made a comment about chairs that were really expensive and right in front of us she goes “that’s great and maybe you can get a job also”. That was a disrespectful attack in front of us that was unnecessary. She probably thought nothing of it but I know he didnt like that….All in all…the RESPECT has to be there or this will not work.

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
9:43 am

Three Words Daily – Laughter’s great medicine.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
9:51 am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, M’. HOPE THE DAY BRINGS YOU JOY AND MUCH LAUGHTER!

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
9:52 am

Happy Birthday M’Karyl!!! Enjoy your day! :D :D :D

Kym

September 15th, 2009
9:52 am

Good Morning All,

Wisey, I agree with you I think a guy would be able to be supportive if the spotlight is not on him. Alot of couples get along fine when the traditional roles are reversed.

I really believe it is possible to have a great career and a successful relationship so long as EGO is out and support is geniune.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
10:00 am

Some situations are hard to say when you have not had to go thru it.

One of my favorite movies in The Coal Miner’s Daughter. In that movie not only was Mr. Lynn a great supporter of his wife’s singing career but he was the one that encouraged her to pursue it in the first place. While watching the movie you see where he took care of home, bathed the kiddies as well as being her manager however there still was scene where you can tell the balance kinda got off.

But you know I think that situation with Mr. and Mrs. Lynn is one of the exceptions. And the exceptions being the entertainment business. You are talking a person that is bringing in millions which I do think would be easier for any man or woman to adjust to and enjoy the ride.

In my present day position I don’t know personally of too many men that do not get joy and comfort out of taking care of the family. Even when the salaries closely match he can still find solace in taking care of his family.

Right now my marido brings in more money but we coexist in this relationship. It’s not all about him or all about me. It’s about us. We put what we have together and make it work for us. I couldn’t tell how my husband would act if I was suddenly in a position where my job dominated the balance in our financial situation. He may take it a lot better than what I imagine. But as it stands we are each other’s co-stars, supporting rocks in this act of life.

I know, I am going off on a different type of Co-starring role but hey yall know me.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
10:01 am

Happy Birthday M’.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
10:04 am

“that’s great and maybe you can get a job also

Happy birthday M.

ur quote above is exactly what trips most female stars i.e. lack of tact!
Otherwise,co-starring wld not be a problem.
A man or woman that pushes up their chest to try and validate that they are the real deal in this joint aint all that.
That is where co-starring becomes a problem for a man.
The greatest diss a female can do to a man is when there are others around!.

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
10:11 am

M-Dot – The gf in your example was very disrespectful. And though there is undoubtedly more to their story, that was a body blow. Those hurt bad.

MS.M.B

September 15th, 2009
10:13 am

I don’t think my man would mind if my career took center stage, but I wouldn’t want it to. I care more about my family, than a job. Yes, we are in a recession, but you can find another job someday. Maybe not now, but you can find one. You can’t replace family.

Kym

September 15th, 2009
10:13 am

Happy Birthday MKaryl.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
10:14 am

Otherwise,co-starring wld not be a problem.

Well melo, homie SHOULD have a job tho. *files nails* :lol:

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
10:25 am

Its NOT my birthday…I think you guys got me confused. Its all good.

She was foul and the think was respect has no color its all around. She is indian but still should have known better.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
10:26 am

M dot that sounds like the reaction from a woman that is fed up with an overload of prior situations. Has your friend made it habit of spending money on expensive items without consulting his lady first, being that she is the one carrying the load? In many household where the couples have a good working financial system it is agreed upon that purchases of a certain nature as well as those over a certain amount get put on the table for discussion. He should not have made that statement in front of you all knowing his is not footing the bill. Or even half of it.

If that is something he does quite often I can understand her frustration.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
10:30 am

Good Mornting lovely blog people!

I listened to parts of that Whitney interview on V103. She said it got to the point where she tried to downplay her success, dim her own star. That’s sad. In the past, I’ve found myself doing the same even though the guy I was seeing was doing well in his own light. Whitney and Oprah agreed a man has to have his own. I’ve always said over the years to my friends that Whitney & Bobby would have been better off if Bobby concentrated on his own career more. He, while certainly no “Whitney”, is talented in his own right. There would have been less time for drugs, booze, whatever. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop, I truly believe.

RESPECT is paramount for ANY relationship to work, and in special situation such as the woman being the major breadwinner, even more care should be taken. Me & Melo hit a little on this yesterday. Most men are not going to be comfortable giving up that “power”. It takes a very special man to not want to be center stage, but I don’t care if she’s got Oprah money & power & he is a 7th grade social studies teacher, he should still be respected as the head of household the family. He should be able to carry himself as the man of the house, worthy of that respect also.

And as to M.’s friend having a job or not while he’s working on his MBA, that is so not the point. Dissing your SO in front of others is always wrong on so many levels!

Page1908- Certified Charger Girl

September 15th, 2009
10:30 am

I think a man having an issue with the woman having a staring role in the relationship simply has to do with the man’s insecurities. There are plenty of insecure men. I know several of them!

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
10:32 am

@Raqi…Coexisting

Nope…They are just dating and we were discussing home theatre ideas…I think she just used that as a chance to take a cheap shot at my friend. This guy is not hurting for money…He paid for his MBA program in cash but that’s neither here nor there…she just dealt with this the at the wrong time and place…

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
10:33 am

Good Morning All,

Well melo, homie SHOULD have a job tho<– I AGREE!!

Page1908- Certified Charger Girl

September 15th, 2009
10:33 am

Kimmie- I agree. Sometimes people like to out others down to make themselves feel better. People do it all the time.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
10:33 am

SexyCool while it may have been disrespectful I bet you there were some issues already lingering. And that particularly situation could have been her attempt after several others to make him feel what he is doing to her.

I just don’t see a woman going off like that unless she is already not liking the dude.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
10:39 am

Good morning everyone!

Do you think it is possible to have an equal and loving partnership if the woman is the “leading lady” and her man is in the supporting role? Of course! Love, support and respect are a few components of any successful relationship. Who has “center stage” shouldn’t be a thought, a mindset. Both parties should be working together and the light shines on both. Not 3/4 on one person and 1/4 on the other. One light on both!

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
10:40 am

M dot I don’t see someone hitting that low just for no reason. If she has that much disdain for the guy and his situation why are they even dating?

I know you can’t answer that but I bet you there are some other issues going on.

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
10:42 am

I agree with Raqi. The Doc sounds like she is over dude talking about doing big thing with her moohlah. If there is not a pattern of her always talking down to him, and this was an out of the blue comment. Yeah she is pissed about something.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
10:45 am

doing big thing with her moohlah<– Or with NO money.. That would annoy me too!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

September 15th, 2009
10:48 am

Morning Ya’ll!

M Dot – dayum that was disrespectful as hell and I agree w Raqi, got to be something else going on there.

Kimmie – agreeing with your 10:30

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
10:48 am

Its NOT my birthday…I think you guys got me confused. Its all good

No you are confused. We aren’t talking to you, M.

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
10:50 am

@M. is dude independantly wealthy? Does he have a trust fund? Student loans? How is he supporting himself? Does he owe her money? Just cause he is your friend doesnt mean he tells you everything he is doing. If he is pinching her pennies then of course he is not hurting for cash. There is more to the story. Granted she could have said it a different way..but who knows what popped off before they met up with you. If they live together and she come home from work only to find him sitting around in sweatspants and t-shirts playing on Facebook, she might be feeling pissy about it. Lots of factors. <<<where is the rest of the story.

abc

September 15th, 2009
10:52 am

Career should not be #1 for either partner, and should not take center stage for either. What takes center stage is them as a couple. If not, I figure the marriage is not likely to survive perceptions, from within and without, that one is somehow less than the other.

I think it’s great that President Obama called Kanye West out on the awards thing. Outstanding!

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
10:54 am

Prayers for Demi. Send him some support.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
10:54 am

And as to M.’s friend having a job or not while he’s working on his MBA, that is so not the point. Dissing your SO in front of others is always wrong on so many levels!

kimmie – You’re right. I got point, I was just messing w/ melo. :lol:

Cuz even if he had a job, she probably would have disrespected him about something else.

Deeva4Life

September 15th, 2009
10:55 am

M. – that move ole girl pulled was low down. There is a time and a place to address those type issues…in front of his friends isn’t one of them. That is a sure fire way to get dismissed…lol I’ve had girlfriends who have pulled stunts like that with their husbands/boyfriends and it always amazes me how they could be so disrespectful. There were many times when I’d be upset with my ex-husband about something he did or said, but I dealt with him when it was just the two of us…in front of others wasn’t my choice.

Page1908- Certified Charger Girl

September 15th, 2009
10:57 am

lol @ sitting around in a tshirt and sweatpants.

Page1908- Certified Charger Girl

September 15th, 2009
10:59 am

what happened to Demi?

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
11:03 am

Kym- :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Ole girl is DONE with dude cause she has NO respect for him!

It is TOUGH dealing with a man that has an excuse as to why he can’t do any better with himself especially when you are busting your tail doing what you have to do. I have been there before but NEVER disrespected dude in front of ppl but sure have said some mean things to him in private BUT there was a WHOLE LOT MORE going on that contributed to me being that way..

Tiff

September 15th, 2009
11:04 am

This topic brings to mind that new reality show House Husbands. In one episode the husband is getting on his wife about spending $1k on lunches almost daily. Her response is along the lines of “Are you really yelling at me about MY money?” Hilarious. Its situations like that which make it hard for men I think.

Prayers going up for Demi.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
11:08 am

Tiff- Do you not think the dude puts himself in that position & should play his position?

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
11:09 am

That is a sure fire way to get dismissed

She is the one bringing in ALL the money therefore paying ALL the bills. Heck how he gonna dismiss her.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
11:09 am

Yeah Kym and the fact that they are only dating makes it worse. I bet she would not reacted that way if he had just said he was going to buy groceries. But even in M dot’s post he made it known that dude was talking about reaching deep in his girl friend’s pocket to buy a home entertainment theater. Does she even want those expensive chairs?

Anon B.

September 15th, 2009
11:16 am

Preach!—>She is the one bringing in ALL the money therefore paying ALL the bills. Heck how he gonna dismiss her.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
11:20 am

M(DOT)- I wanna know the answers to some of Kym’s questions.. :lol: :lol:

Tiff

September 15th, 2009
11:22 am

@ Lioness According to the show..he was/is an aspiring actor and they decided he would stay at home to take care of the new baby (couple’s first child). Since it was a mutual decision I wouldn’t say he placed himself in that position per se but that shouldn’t negate her being more cognizant of how she spends “household” funds. That is a pretty penny to spend on lunh when you have a child’s future to consider IMO. So I understood his position..she didn’t seem to though.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
11:22 am

Im back had a meeting

@Kym-take my homework please!!

Ive known him longer than her and he isn’t struggling..He used to work on Wall Street so that’s neither here nor there.

I think it may be a factor that she is alot older than him and who knows maybe set in her ways. Someone asked the question why they are dating…but it’s common in indian culture to work through alot of stuff that other cultures will dismiss you for EVEN IN DATING. According to him, they are sticking it out mainly because on paper, they are a great fit and have a great chance to get married because the cultures, the religion, and the families all match up perfectly. She is just a little bit older (by 7 years) so all in all maybe she is a control freak!? But that was disrespectful and I expected more from her.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
11:22 am

It is TOUGH dealing with a man that has an excuse as to why he can’t do any better with himself especially when you are busting your tail doing what you have to do.

Lioness – I agree with this if he is typical Joe Bum that always has an excuse for not holding down a job. But dude IS working on his MBA, that M. said he’s paid for with cash. No loans. Yet it is obvious there is more to the story though.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
11:24 am

Tiff- Ok.. Never seen the show.. It just boils down to the amount of respect the couple has for one another

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
11:28 am

M(DOT)- These are Indian Folks??? WOW!! Homegirl is gangsta!!

Deeva4Life

September 15th, 2009
11:30 am

@ Raqi – easy! I don’t know the dealings of their relationship but I would guess (like most relationships) it’s about respect. At the end of the day whether she has “Oprah money” or two nickels to rub she was disrespectful and most guys aren’t going to deal with that type behavior. As you stated, it’s obvious there are other components to the story for her little outburst, but for me it’s a respect factor.

abc

September 15th, 2009
11:32 am

Yall get too wrapped up with the career/occupation/earning power thing. A man’s wisdom and judgement aren’t specific to his occupation. A career or occupation shouldn’t be the definitive aspect of a person. Try this: describe what it is you do, but don’t mention your occupation. How much do you have to say? That would be a better measure, in my opinion, than listing degrees, certifications, and job status.

Another way to look at it would be to compare a janitor with a corporate executive. If they both go home and sit on their butt and drink, they’re both drunken bums; if they get off of work and pursue the arts, volunteer with disabled adults, participate in conservation projects, take interest in, learn about and value history, what’s the real difference between them? A car, a house, type of shoes? What’s important, then, and what is superficial?

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
11:36 am

An example is a friend of mine is working on an MBA and not working but his girlfriend is an OBGYN with her own practice. We were discussing home theatres and he made a comment about chairs that were really expensive and right in front of us she goes “that’s great and maybe you can get a job also”. That was a disrespectful attack in front of us that was unnecessary. She probably thought nothing of it but I know he didnt like that….All in all…the RESPECT has to be there or this will not work.

His post did not say “he was reaching in girlfriends’s pockets to pay for the chairs”.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
11:46 am

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
11:47 am

The breadwinning chick may not get dismissed, but she may get cheated on. John Edwards with his love child and the South Carolina governor with his latin lover are the two examples that come to mind without real thought.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
11:47 am

@Bibay

THANK YOU!!!! He just made a suggestion of chairs that were like $300 a pop.

Dan

September 15th, 2009
11:52 am

@abc

Right on!

@Anon

Anyone can get dismissed. Esp. a disrespectful woman (regardless of her income) or man (regardless of his income).

Some people don’t deal with foolishness AT ALL

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
11:53 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: @ $300 a pop

Poppa Grande

September 15th, 2009
11:59 am

This topic brings “Not easily broken” to my mind. The wife brought in darn near all of the money, and she seemed to lack respect for him. (Her mom just added gasoline to the fire).

Mutual respect has to be there for this to work.

Deeva4Life

September 15th, 2009
12:04 pm

Anyone can get dismissed. Esp. a disrespectful woman (regardless of her income) or man (regardless of his income).

My point exactly…thanks Dan ;)

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
12:07 pm

M. – You are welcome. Just seems that folks are jumping to a lot of conclusions based on your posting.

Poppa Grande- I thought that was a great movie. A lot of married folks or those in relationships should see that movie as an example of how not to treat your significant other.

Chris Broe

September 15th, 2009
12:07 pm

My wife was the primary breadwinner for all 26 years of our marriage. It was a wry situation, and I would have worked my own career if I woulda had the raisins, but my wife was very needy, and if you throw in the bun she had in the oven, then my half-baked attempts to sandwich a career between a being a husband, dad, and a partner aren’t such a Wonder. I was content to help my wife’s career rise.

The only problem with wife as primary bread winner: when she falls out of bed she always lands jelly-side down.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
12:09 pm

I agree it is all about respect. But people just don’t lose respect for an individual in their life just because the sky is cloudy.

Deeva4Life

September 15th, 2009
12:12 pm

@ Raqi – I agree.

Jamoca

September 15th, 2009
12:13 pm

Good afternoon you all…

ur quote above is exactly what trips most female stars i.e. lack of tact!
Otherwise,co-starring wld not be a problem. A man or woman that pushes up their chest to try and validate that they are the real deal in this joint aint all that. That is where co-starring becomes a problem for a man.
The greatest diss a female can do to a man is when there are others around!.

Melo – You hit it with that right there ^^^.

Actually, I had front row seat of a similar situation involving a close relative of mine and her husband. We’re all in the kitchen to include my daughters, helping to prep a few items for the following day’s event. Apparently, they rented a really nice beverage fountain. Pressed for time, her husband forgot to make sure all of the little gadgets were flowing properly before leaving the place. He comes home and presents it to her…and they are both somewhat irritable at this point…or rather overwhelmed with all that needs to be done. Well, they both discover that there is a part of the fountain that is not flowing as it should, so he decides to return it (obviously). But while he’s packing it back up, she’s haulin’ off at the mouth about how forgetful he was, and how if she had went and done it herself, she would not have allowed herself to be given something that was defective, without first testing it before purchasing and/or renting…rahhh, rahhh, rahhh…just spoutin’…right in front of us. I felt awful for him and somewhat disgusted with her. She could have asked us to excuse ourselves, so when she failed to do that (as well), I excused my children and then myself. And later on, I brought it to her attention of how out of place and uncomfortable that was for us, and I could not imagine how he must’ve felt, but the look on his face said plenty along with the “if you say one mo’ word”…and wouldn’t you know, she apologized profusely…especially to him, since it was so unlike her…matter of fact, he was recently laid off. Had just received another promotion, been in the banking industry for 20 years or so. But a very supportive husband and the type that will go to jail about his wife. So she’s the only one working and it’s definitely a hard pill for him to swallow. But I don’t think his current situation had anything to do with it. Clearly, they were both just overwhelmed at the moment.

Now, the way that I see it…it don’t (yeah I said “don’t instead of doesn’t)…but it DON’T take a person who hasn’t been married before to have the ability to sit back and analyze a situation where somethin’ just ain’t right. I didn’t need to know all the details (in their case) the bottomline was sufficient enough. And the shyt was fowl The Way she did it. There’s always more than one way to skin a cat and she straight butchered it. So with that being said, really…there was no excuse.

Jamoca

September 15th, 2009
12:18 pm

This guy is not hurting for money…He paid for his MBA program in cash but that’s neither here nor there…she just dealt with this the at the wrong time and place…

M. – I see what you are saying and IMO I’d say same goes for your friend. And I did not see anything really wrong with a mere “discussion” of a home theatre being “enough” to make his lady haul off the way she did. Nor did I read anywhere in your post that he was planning on using any of her money…especially since you mentioned the man paid for his MBA in cold cash. Heyal, the way it would appear to me, if his not working was really a problem for her, I’m sure she had ample enough time to bring her “frustrations” to the wood with him (in private), not wait until the opportune moment to throw that mess in his face. I really didn’t see where he implied nor asked her for a dayum thang. And yes, one can be and/or get dismissed for some shyt like that. This ain’t about no doggone money. It boils down to respect. And she had/has none for your friend, at least not from where I sit.

I mean really, reverse that situation (read: foolishness) to what’s considered “traditional” (roles). Any man would be out of pocket, dead wrong – if he so dared came sideways with that jive. No amount of money would make me stick around while buddy attempts to put me on front street, for simply having a conversation about something I liked, especially if I didn’t ask him for a dime…and definitely a no go if I’m not hurting for money. I translate the term dismissed to “cut off”, termination of the relationship, burning bridges. I simply can’t see myself being with some who doesn’t respect me or my position…even if it’s not first on the totem pole. And I’d expect the person that I involve myself with to have a similar view. Because if it really just boils down to who’s making more or any at all, then what we have here is not a relationship…it appears to be straight business.

aggwitt

September 15th, 2009
12:21 pm

the blog is broken

Jamoca

September 15th, 2009
12:22 pm

Bibay – Respect. Bottomline. And I concur with that. …didn’t see yours before I posted, it will show eventually.

aggwitt

September 15th, 2009
12:23 pm

Only way the broad being the primary breadwinner is gonna be a cause for issue is if

a – she constantly is reminding a dude that she is in fact the money in they operation
b – dude feels ever little thing is a knock on his finances/manhood

mytw♥cents...Devil's Pie

September 15th, 2009
12:26 pm

Start with selecting the right one and they wouldn’t have to think twice. There will always be those who are more focused on getting credited for the specific title of roles than the actual output of that particular character. Some women would be all about slapping that across their chests in neon lights or just plain get drunk with pseudo power. (Somehow these usually have a Leading Man) But there are others of us who’d do no such thing…

Just because Jennifer Hudson was labeled “Supporting Actress” does not mean I’m willing to concede that she didn’t carry Dreamgirls and should’ve technically been considered the lead. Likewise, just cuz I may end up the main breadwinner (given my propensity to starving artists & let’s live off love types) in no way makes me the Head od Household. If I am not single, I am NOT the head. I am not tryna be it no matter what. It’s neither my desire or intent. In fact, it would defeat much of my purpose in ever entering into type of union.

Dan

September 15th, 2009
12:29 pm

@aggwitt

Now you know – in one of those moments when she get to “talking to the girls” she gone slip and say something (he may hear it, he may not); or

She may be makin lil slick comments about it when they alone; or

The minute he feel like he gotta ask for money, it’s an issue.

Replace the “she” with the “he” and the “he” with a “she”, and that’s the human condition.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
12:35 pm

But people just don’t lose respect for an individual in their life just because the sky is cloudy.

yes but it can also be becoz the woman has her value system real wrong.

This topic really hits home for me coz what M. described was kinda my situation,early on in our marriage and after i had finished my MBA.

I had been working for a major bank(wont disclose) at the same time i was chasing school.When i was done, i was really looking forward to climbing up and went for a couple of interviews within the bank for investment analyst type positions.It didnt pan out. I got major depressed at work and thoght i was getting my dues.So i decided to quit and look elswehere.
It was kinda hard in the begining coz i had to really scrap for money,doing jobs that were not my type nor nowhere the equivalent of my education.That meant that my Queen had to fot the major ticket items in my home.
She got really biattchy about the whole situation and really kinda treated me like the back of her hand.When i tell u that my marriage has been work, i am a living example of it.
Thankfully, i am more mature in most respects,had gone thru a marriage be4 and really wanted this to work,so i stuck it out,albeit the disses etc.And God was on my side coz it didnt take long for her to be ladi off at her job and the tables were kinda turned.
I was on my way,gaining major consulting gigs and earning more decent wages….It took her own temporary down fall to see the light and mature as a woman.

I think that apart from not having a good moral compass on some things,some females are just not used to being responsible for a home,financially and when they do,it overwhelmes them mentally. Yet others dont understand what marriage entails and that it is a struggle and hard work on both sides.It entails being able to discuss,argue civily and come to mutuall understanding and respect and at times,being the lever of the other.
No 2 marriages or relationships are alike and i find that smetimes,in trying to compare one’s marriage or relatiosnhip with another,females get into all sorts of problems with their SO.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
12:37 pm

wasnt getting my dues…

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
12:49 pm

The only problem with wife as primary bread winner: when she falls out of bed she always lands jelly-side down.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
12:53 pm

Yeah, what My2 said.

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
12:56 pm

Melo – 1235p – awesome insight. You a’ight sometimes. ~teasing~

aggwitt

September 15th, 2009
12:58 pm

What does it mean when your reply is longer than the orignal topic? lol

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
1:01 pm

Well as I pointed out yesterday..our recession is also called a he-cession because of the number of men out of work. Who were once breadwinners and now they are on unemployment. I am sure from all I have read there are quite a few men folks adjusting to this new turn of events. Even in Canada females in the workforce outnumber males. The trend is growing here in the USA. Oh yeah and according to the stats-women still make 77cents for every one dollar a man makes.

Dan

September 15th, 2009
1:07 pm

@Melo

He!!uva post. Preciate that honesty

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
1:12 pm

Melo exactly.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
1:13 pm

And God was on my side coz it didnt take long for her to be ladi off at her job and the tables were kinda turned.

:lol:

melo – Thanks for sharing.

Kanye West

September 15th, 2009
1:15 pm

Yo Wise Diva, I’m really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but John Kessler had one of the greatest blogs of all time!

Angie

September 15th, 2009
1:22 pm

i watched hill harper this morning in a movie he co-star with LL. *speak of the devil* i thought about him yesterday, and what i came up with is that he is selfish. and yes i agree that he is adding to the problem.

he’s an ok actor. i wish he would have put his energy/degree/intelligence into something much greater.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
1:25 pm

@Bibay

I know right…they put the heat on me and I was just trying to stick to the topic…

I actually just met him for lunch and we were discussing her attitude etc…I may hold out on getting in a relationship even longer….like Michael Crabtree from the 49ers……lol

mytw♥cents...For You

September 15th, 2009
1:28 pm

ZULU Did you say God was on your side because of her lay off? Comical! But it does take something major to humble ourselves, sometimes. I’m glad you’re commited to working hard at strengthening your marriage…and jinxing Queen at the same time. :razz:

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
1:31 pm

Great post, Melo.

mytw♥cents...Devil's Pie

September 15th, 2009
1:32 pm

Hey, Mods, where’s my Devil’s Pie?!?! D’Angelo will not be pleased… (Raising the brow)

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
1:36 pm

M dot – Why would you let what is going on with your friend make you hold out on getting in a relationship?

That kind of attitude is no better than what some of you guys come on here talking about(especially Dan) when SOME women allow what their girlfriends say to interfere in their relationships.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
1:37 pm

I have a friend whose husband got laid off the day they returned from their honeymoon. She was the one who always had the most hustle in their relationship. She bought the house, he moved in. She made close to 6 figures and had a seasonal job just to reach her financial goals faster.

It’s been very trying for her. He still hasn’t found work and she gets frustrated that he doesn’t do chores unless she asks or practically orders him to. She’s trying to temper herself, but it’s so hard. I feel for her.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
1:39 pm

M(DOT)- I may hold out on getting in a relationship even longer<– Because of HIS girlfriend's attitude??

Dan

September 15th, 2009
1:40 pm

@Kimmie

I agree with M(dot) in that watching the struggles of my friends has put me off some stuff (esp. with the “BMD”) that wakes me up at night.

What I speak of in letting your (single) friends give you advice in a relationship is when a man and/or a woman allows their friends opinion to affect the relationship.

“Girl, he cheatin’. Cause this one time my ex…..” and “Dude, ole girl from outta town you girl’ll never know…..”. <–isht like that thurr

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
1:43 pm

ARed- That is EXACTLY what I was talking about earlier!! Dudes that are content with the bare minimal while I am out their makiing it happen.
Now there may come a time when your firned pops off @ her mouth cause she is frustrated with homie..

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
1:44 pm

Kimmie exactly. Unless he likes the same nationality of women, which is very different from the two Indian women I work with, why would what his friend is experiencing with a woman he is just dating affect his attitude about relationships.

He has to factor in every detail that he did and did not disclose to chance getting caught up in the same situation.

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
1:44 pm

@AmazonR maybe he is depressed. Alot of folks are facing major depression issues with the current state of the economy. And with the winter blues approaching I expect it will only get worse.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
1:45 pm

But Dan unless the woman is there giving her side along with thim, it is just Mdot’s friends opinion.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
1:46 pm

Now there may come a time when your firned pops off @ her mouth cause she is frustrated with homie..

Lioness – She has. Not in public, but she has to ask him WTF when she comes home and he’s playing Guitar Hero with the trash stinking to high heaven. They’ve had some blow out fights.

But to be honest, she had this concern about him even BEFORE they got married. He wasn’t on top of his stuff then, so she really can’t be surprised. She didn’t expect him to get laid off tho and to still be laid off. Clearly, she’s being tested.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
1:46 pm

thanx all.
yeah, i think God intervened and that made her realize how wrong she was and that it takes one to support the other.

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
1:48 pm

melo, did you quit your bank job before you had a new gig though?

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
1:48 pm

Are we still on page 1?!?

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
1:48 pm

Melo – Wonderful, honest post.

With M dot’s friend, I think it may be a cultural thing too. I worked with an Indian young lady once that was truly outstanding in her job knowledge. She was in an arranged marriage, but she said her parents had given her the choice of whether or not to go thru with it. She did and loved her husband. She was pregnant. I think her hubby worked in IT at some major corporation, he was a brainiac as well. She was a financial wizard. But she said once that baby was born she was going to resign her position. She said in her culture the husband was supposed to take care of everything and that was clearly understood.

I remember I spoke on here once about a woman who called the Tom Joyner show. She said her fiance’ had lost his job and she almost immediately lost respect for him, even though he was doing everything he could to find another one. He had already gotten her a ring and the wedding was a few months away. She was pretty cold & selfish. If only her fiance could have heard her that morning, he could have dodged a bullet.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
1:52 pm

aggwit I am glad you asked it. I wanted to be figured I better not.

Wings()

September 15th, 2009
1:52 pm

The problem with the roles of Star and Co-star is that there are too many bad actors…………..play your position, If you going to lead, lead with respect for your your bottom and if you are going to follow, follow with respect for your top.

One of my fave hip hop lines:
A baller aint a baller if he aint got balls !

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
1:55 pm

kimmie those are type of Indian women that I know also. They don’t believe in a woman taking care of a man. A man not working at all is a man they have avoided. I agree with them.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
1:55 pm

Dan – It all looks about the same to me, but okay.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
1:57 pm

Ared- Your friend loves dude and hopes that he will want to do better with himself but he won’t cause he KNOWS that she is going to hold it down with or without him :???: I was in a situation similar to that BUT I wasn’t even THINKING about marrying the fool! Dude kept a job but was too comfortable with his position with the company.. Once I left his tail, he got his sh!t together REAL QUICK & thanked me for all the times I pushed him to strive higher..

Kimmie- . She said in her culture the husband was supposed to take care of everything and that was clearly understood. <– That is why I was SHOCKED they were indian..

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
1:58 pm

Raqi- I am not indian & I don’t believe in taking care of a man either :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
2:01 pm

“You don’t have to be a STAR baby, to be in my show”.

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
2:02 pm

If ole dude becomes amongst the unemployed and we are hitched. Hopefully we have a backup plan so that we can survive.(see Poppa G’s living on one income) however, if we are dating, living together and you are playing Guitar hero in your boxers all day, sucking up the air, and cleaning out the fridge. Dude might find himself sitting on the curb or sleeping at the YMCA.

Call me a itchy if you want to but err you won’t be using my phone to make the call.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
2:04 pm

melo, did you quit your bank job before you had a new gig though

yeah, i was getting so depressed on the job it was killing me.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:05 pm

Melo without discussing with your wife first?

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:05 pm

Melo- That is why Queen was HOT @ you!! I would have told you to MAN UP DUDE!!!

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
2:05 pm

melo, did you quit your bank job before you had a new gig though

yeah, i was getting so depressed on the job it was killing me.<<<<<<<This is rather troubling.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:06 pm

Kym I know that’s right. Dating does not afford the same priviledges as marriage.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
2:06 pm

Lioness – Here are some thoughts she shared.

I had to tell him that I thought that he was a sorry excuse for a “head of a household”. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but at some point, it needed to be said in such a way that “shocked” him into reality. My point was clear (I thought)…. This isn’t about a job or $…. This is about DRIVE…. INITITIVE…… HUSTLE. At this point, if you’re not exhausted at the end of your day, you haven’t done enough. Period. I asked “Don’t I mean enough to you that you should have to do EVERYTHING in your power to make sure that we’re okay? Or are you counting on the fact that I WON’T FAIL, thusly WE WON’T FAIL?” Cuz that’s the wrong attitude. Real talk.

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:08 pm

man i dont care if he did discuss it with his wife, there are somethings you just dont do as a grown up. quitting your job before you have a new one is one of those things, unless you only have yourself to look out for.

like bill withers said “Before you wreck your old home, be certain of your new”

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
2:11 pm

Lioness – You could not have told me they were Indian either!

Me & one of my friends have a good laugh over this incident that happened a few Christmases ago. I spent that holiday with a dear couple and we had dinner at one of their neighbor’s home. My friend is a fantastic cook and brought a few dishes and I brought 2 of my cake specialties. The neighbor’s mother-in-law was there and was marveling over what we brought. She knew my friend was married because obviously her hubby was with us. My friend introduced me to the MIL. She complimented me over the cakes and then proceeded to tell me how I would make a fine wife for her son back in DC. My friend asked her where her son worked and what he did. She said he was extremely handsome, with blue eyes(I don’t like pretty boys so I was not impressed) he LIVED with moms at age 38 and DID NOT WORK. In fact, she said “Oh, he don’t work, no he don’t work at all”! Not laid off and looking, just DIDN’T WORK! I told her I was seeing someone, which I had met SO just months before. But everyone there thought she was crazy trying to pass her sorry son off on someone to take care of!

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:12 pm

Kym- He better call tyrone :arrow: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Ared- Yep! Get a job @ Target, Walmart somthing DUDE to show me that you are NOT with being @ home while I am out on my grind!

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:13 pm

aggwit I agree. I totally agree. But he still owed it to her to let her know where his thoughts were and to see if she would be okay with him voluntarily walking away from a paycheck if that’s what he absolutely had to do.

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
2:14 pm

@Agg Thank Goodness I thought it was just me!!! Why in the world would you quit your job with no other job insight? Fired is a surprise or not, Quiting, now that’s all you.

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:15 pm

Raqi, even if he did discuss it with Wifey and she was like “go ahead and roll out” aint no way he should have done it. Thats a set up for disaster. Like when a broad says “i dont want anything for christmas/birthday/anniversary” you cant listen to that even if that broad was a muslim that was orphaned and never married.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:15 pm

Agg- I agree!!

Kimmie- WTH?? :shock: I would have looked @ that lady like she forgot to take her meds :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Melo

September 15th, 2009
2:15 pm

I had some money saved and was also gon to utilize some of my 401k.
The job was clearly making me sick,big time…and it was not good for my health…
The decision to leave clearly was one of the best decisions i have ever made in my lyfe.
I was getting nowhere in terms of growth and i cldnt interview nor apply for jobs,even on breaks,while on that job.It was in credit card operations.I cldnt even talk on the cell,like go out for a minute to get a call..
Any of u who have wrked in production/operations type positions in a bank(back operations) will know BUT here i was,an MBA-finance grad,hot with investment job type ambitions!
I just had to get outa there and Queen wld have none of it.
Based on how she saw my career go after that intial money crunch,she came to agree with my decision..I have always been open with her about my job and career stuff,desires, happenings etc so she kinda now understands where i stand andwhere i wanana end up..
I feel that that was a big test of our marriage..

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
2:15 pm

@Blog & Wise Diva

I have to give everyone props for staying on topic THIS long….this has got to be a record in the 4 years that I have read this blog…

@ kimmie-livin my life like it’s golden!

This is a free coutry right? I thought so…therefore I can take my time and if a relationship comes down my street cool. I was just making an observation from what my friend was going thru….geesh….

@Dan

Dont let people throw rocks at your throne….people taking shots today lolol

Wings()

September 15th, 2009
2:15 pm

@ Kym – That would be a bad actor………..someone who is on the TEAM won’t be a non contributor….bottom line…if my husband/man became unemployed, someday’s I might have to hold it up, but Imma expect him to a least hold it down…..

Bad actors are in relationship roles that they can’t play…..rehersal for these parts starts prior to marraige….you gotta talk some of this stuff out before the curtains go up!

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:16 pm

Kym, im saying if you THAT depressed just go around smacking people so you can get fired and at least get that unemployment check. Quitting just effs it up for everyone

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:17 pm

agg- Like when a broad says “i dont want anything for christmas/birthday/anniversary” you cant listen to that even if that broad was a muslim that was orphaned and never married.<– YOU BETTER PREACH!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: @ the muslim that was orphaned & never married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:17 pm

Melo I see what you saying and where you coming from and all circumstances are different. Appreciate the clarification too.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:19 pm

i dont want anything for christmas/birthday/anniversary”

Since you put it that way…LOL

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
2:19 pm

M dot – And I was just commenting on YOUR post on a public blog! Geesh!

Last time I checked it was a free country and any post was fair game to comment on.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
2:21 pm

I would never leave one job without having another, but I need the security of that. For some people, that fire won’t get lit until they place ALL their chips on the table.

If my husband had a job that was clearly detrimental to his health and he thought he could rebound with that weight off his shoulder I’d support him. I’d be a nervous wreck the whole time tho.

My father left a high paying job to start his own business. With the uncertainly of such a venture, it really is like the same thing. No guarantee that the business would thrive.

Wings()

September 15th, 2009
2:21 pm

@ Melo – That was team work!

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
2:21 pm

@Aggwitty you really cant collect unemployment if you get fired. You would have to prove that it is for a valid work related reason. Smacking people..will get you a case and no unemployment.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
2:22 pm

quitting your job before you have a new one is one of those things

thats like saying to an investor,dont put ur money in stocks,invest in cds or TIPS

Fopr some with little or no ambition,playing it safe is the weay to go.But smetimes when u have big ideas to move forward, u gotta take risk,even with ur lyfe.
Bill Gates left Harvard(is it Stanford) to start Microsoft and his dad even disagreed with him..There was no assuarance that wld pan out…Look at him now!
The same is true of folks who go all the way to LA or NY to start looking for acting or investment bank type jobs.
My situation was in no way different. If u seeking smething more deserving of u,quit playing it safe!

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
2:22 pm

aggwitty- add to that a “Crazy” check for going around slapping folks! Any little bit helps.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
2:25 pm

@kimmie-livin my life like it’s golden!

Yup and Im glad we have this freedom…

I was saying my post from a precautionary perspective…for example if I am driving and see a nissan broke down on the freeway and if I am looking for a new car this weekend…Ill be a little bit more cautious with Nissan because what I saw…

Lesson-Learn from others mistakes and save yourself some grief… :)

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
2:25 pm

Melo – I have totally been in your situation! I had a job like that and cried every day before I had to go. You had money saved and you took a chance. When I was in that situation, I lucked out. I applied online, took a day off from work to go to the interview and got an offer from the 1st company I applied for.

I worked around a lot of miserable people who allowed fear to keep them there and miserable for a major portion of their lives. A major motivator is that I did not want to end up like them! I was treated like dirt and had the same credentials that you had. If I had not gotten out then, I would have probably been fired eventually.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:26 pm

M dot who’s taking shots?

Wings()

September 15th, 2009
2:27 pm

@Melo – In relationships people get to make the rules and decide which ones to break and as long as a couple does it together(in agreement) that’s all that matters. “How can two walk together unless they agree”?

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
2:29 pm

You don’t collect SSI for slapping people either.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:30 pm

But M dot, do you not investigate the situation first. If I owned a BMW and dogged it out, did not get the proper maintenance and let it run out of gas, the problem is not the BMW, it me, the owner that drives it.

We sometimes wreck a good relationship situation because of our carelessness.

Wings()

September 15th, 2009
2:31 pm

@Raqi – Your 2:30 Yes!

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:32 pm

Melo using bill gates and folks chasing the acting dreams is disingenuous because like I said, those rules fly out the window if its just you. Bill Gates wasnt married and had no one that relied on his paycheck, 98.99% of folks who chase that hollywood/broadway dream are also unencumbered by life,relationships.

I am glad your decision ultimately panned out, but acting as if your wife was a maniac for being pissed is a little less than honest when you put it in full context of what happpened. Saying that her getting fired was a blessing is even more insane in my eyes. Thats some old school eye for an eye type justice.

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:33 pm

Kym, as you will see my posts can be a bit hyperbolic. While you may not be able to get unemployment for slapping people you absolutely can’t get it if you quit. My point was for him to just get fired and not quit so he could get that unemployment that he paid into.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
2:34 pm

M dot – I feel you. And I was speaking from a different angle, actually. I’ve dealt with 2 guys that were heavily influenced by their friends. They had friends that were either in miserable marriages or single in major player mode. Needless to say, whatever I did was never good enough because these dudes kept listening to their tired friends. Birds of a feather… It’s not fair that I have to pay for someone else’s bad situation.

I now pay close attention to the friends of who I date. My current SO is widowed, but it seemed he had a good marriage. All of his friends are either in seemingly happy marriages or relationships. One is getting a divorce, but he never speaks ill of his soon to be ex.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
2:34 pm

@ Raqi

When I said taking shots, I was referring to Kimmie’s 1:36 pm post to Dan.

Also you are right about your analogy to but also sometimes we just get stuck with a Lemon…something looked good but it wasnt all it was cracked up to be..

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:35 pm

Raqi- I would think so..

M(DOT)- How old are you?

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:37 pm

agg- Your 2:32 Melo is right on point!

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
2:38 pm

@kimmie-livin my life like it’s golden!

Good point when you said “I now pay close attention to the friends of who I date”. I said that on this blog 3 weeks ago about how important it is to pay attention to their friends but also how much TIME they spend with them…Sometimes others ideas and views can get imprinted upon you easily…

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
2:39 pm

@Kym- He wasn’t tied to your destiny…..imagine if you had really hooked up with dude….

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
2:39 pm

M dot – I was not taking shots at Dan, just stating my opinion. I also don’t think Dan needs you to speak for him. Dan & I disagree on here quite a bit, but that’s what it is, disagreement, not taking shots.

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
2:41 pm

M. (pronounced M dot) – that analogy was more like a bad egg. Lol

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
2:42 pm

@Lioness

Is that necessary? Im old enough and single with no kids.

@kimmie-livin my life like it’s golden!

I was just answering RAQI’s question.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
2:44 pm

aggwitty,we werent in a really bad spot necessarily, financially. Granted, 2 paychecks are better than one but as the situation turned out,it did turn out ok,even with her paying the mortgage and all.We didnt lose the house,nor our cars..we just didnt have much extra.
As for my wife, u had to know her then and now coz she didnt understand nor want to tolerate any little discomfort,she wasnt raised like that..(if u have been here long enough, i have alluded to that)
So her losing her job was kinda like a “blessing” altho in a bad way coz in lyfe smetimes, it takes being down to know what real lyfe lessons are like(look at MV for example) So i used the extreme case of bill gates coz it correlates wit the point..if u keep it safe,the rewards are equally so so. Whereas if u take risk in anything,as long as u focused,u may experience the temp hardship but it pays off in a big way a lot of times…
I wasnt playing no ponzi, i was simply looking for more and achievable green.

Dan

September 15th, 2009
2:45 pm

@Kimmie

I was merely trying to not limit the “friends” issue to a particular gender. Somma my friends are waaaaayyy out there anyway on either side of the “relationship” issue.

And I’d hate to be judged by their actions and not my own.

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
2:46 pm

agwitty-you do not pay into unemployment. It is not a tax we as citizens pay. So there is no guarantee to the benefits just because you get fired. There are other factors. Employers pay into unemployment thru their taxes and you as the employee reap the benefit if you are laid off or let go and it is not your fault. Usually if you get fired you are at fault. Slapping someone is fault.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
2:47 pm

Had to laugh at the Nissan story. Don’t most cars break down at some point. I’ve seen Mercedes, BMWs, Jaqs, Hondas, Fords, scooters, motorcycles, etc all on the side of the road. That was funny!

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:47 pm

M(DOT)- Yeah, I thought it was necessary cause this comment –>for example if I am driving and see a nissan broke down on the freeway and if I am looking for a new car this weekend…Ill be a little bit more cautious with Nissan because what I saw…

Also, be aware that whenever you DO decide to become involved with a person, your relationship WILL NOT be problem free!

Kym-I want deep dish pizza.

September 15th, 2009
2:49 pm

Okay I really think I deserve a great present this week. I have been good.

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
2:49 pm

Kym- never say never on the “Crazy” check. LOL!

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:50 pm

Kym, thanks for the education in how unemployment works. I had no clue who paid.

Kym-I want deep dish pizza.

September 15th, 2009
2:52 pm

aggwitty-you welcome. Bibay–I know some fine bureaucrats at SSA and trust me they know mental illness when they see it. They are not passing them out like candy over there..you have to show and prove.

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
2:53 pm

Also, be aware that whenever you DO decide to become involved with a person, your relationship WILL NOT be problem free!

@Lioness – You are right….on days when you can’t find the love….that’s when hopefully, commitment will kick in.

abc

September 15th, 2009
2:54 pm

While I’ve (almost) always followed a rule of not quitting a job before I had another one, I’ve sometimes felt like that was a cop-out, just being a chicken, and possibly keeping myself from seeing the obvious opportunities that would come if I’d only free myself up from what I was doing, so that I could do the looking.

I know a few people who have quit their job, packed up everything, and moved their family across the country because of some aspect of the new place they felt would be of significant benefit. Now, that’s taking a chance. How’s your faith? What’s leading you? Am I too chicken to do something like that, or what!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
2:54 pm

And I’d hate to be judged by their actions and not my own.

Dan – Exactly! I got tired of being judged by some other folk’s miserable situation.

One of the guys I dated went on a cruise with some of these buddies. It was suppose to be like a bachelor party cruise. A lot of these dudes were married. They could not wait for the ship to pull away before they started messing around with other women. Even my dude was a little surprised. I told him the sob stories these friends give him about their “no-good” wives & girlfriends are only one side of the story.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
2:57 pm

If ole dude becomes amongst the unemployed and we are hitched. Hopefully we have a backup plan so that we can survive

Kym – Right now they are surviving because of her hustle, but she’s now wondering what she can do to fix it without divorcing him. She’s considering letting the lights get cut off. There has to be something that can happen to light a fire under him.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:58 pm

It is irresponsible to walk away from a job not having another one in place when other people’s lives are at stake. Even more irresponsible when you don’t discuss with your equal partner first. Somethings faith does not cover.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:00 pm

Wings- I believe if the love is there, it will stay through the problems but the key is to NOT let the problems get out of hand..

Ared- Oh HEYELL NAH!!! Send his tail back to his momma for some months!!

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:01 pm

This is Foxxy Brown speaking to what a Real Co-Star can do for his woman:

Homie, look, what you sellin’ I ain’t buyin’
With dude I’m done, tell him I ain’t cryin’
You’ll see the proof when I drop my album
It’s the past now, plus dawg I’m better without him
(I just need a….) dude that act right
If my life go dim, he can be my flashlight
Not the rebound dude who abused his last wife
A dude that ain’t afraid to lose the mack life
and you don’t got to question if he truly care
A little, dinner here, movie there
and he won’t treat his wifey like his last one, see
Is that too much to ask for?
But, I’m wiser now, I’m older now
and the truth is a need a man to hold me down
And by now most dudes know what “Na Na Be Like”
so this time when I’m doing it, I’m doin’ it right, yes!

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:03 pm

@ARed ~ “There has to be something that can happen to light a fire under him.” You would think the “struggle” or the fact that she’s handling things on her own would be the motivating factor for wanting to do more for the house. If they don’t want to, they won’t…no fire will get them to stepping higher, sometimes not even asking for a divorce! I have a friend going through something similar. She said “she could do bad all by herself” and asked for a divorce. She told her to bring the papers to him. I had to laugh at that smoke being blown back in her face.

Rell - the ruler is back

September 15th, 2009
3:03 pm

She’s considering letting the lights get cut off. There has to be something that can happen to light a fire under him.

- problems only amplify when you let others eat at your table…been there done that…buts whats funny when women are azzed out – its almost our duty as men to “hold it down”…interesting….most men are not complaining – when the house is clean…and the blow jobs keep coming…but women not so much…so its not so much love that keeps it together but security…when the security is in question so will her love and “stick to it” attitude

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
3:04 pm

@Lioness-

I agree. Its always going to be some problems (jealousy, cheating, commitment, boringness, etc…) Always and like somebody said, sometimes we dog relationships out and we cause our own problems. I know I have caused problems in relationships and I know we all have.

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:05 pm

@Lioness – You are right….nip that ish in the bud before it gets outta hand.

Rell - the ruler is back

September 15th, 2009
3:05 pm

going through something similar

wow – whenever life does not go the way we envisioned – then we automatically are going thru something..lol..folks are funny

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:07 pm

M. & Lioness – Bad actors……..

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
3:07 pm

Kym- got it on the “show and prove” for the SSI check. Under certain circumstances, anything is possible.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:07 pm

Amazon in recalling my marriage vow I remember I vowed for better, for worse, richer, poorer, in sickness and in health. I don’t remember promising anything in reference to laziness and trifling.

She needs to disconnect everything when she leaves the house.

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
3:08 pm

We are all going through something. It’s called life.

Kym-I want deep dish pizza.

September 15th, 2009
3:08 pm

@ARed…well they make bats in wood and metal. Just kidding but not really.

Hmmm she could just stop. Like stop going to the store, buy for herself and not for him. I don’t know thats a hard one..how do you punish a grown azz man?

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:09 pm

How’s your faith? What’s leading you?

abc – I was just going to bring up faith. I don’t think quitting without having another job lined up is all that crazy.

I say I wouldn’t do it, but also because life has never handed me such misery. But I can’t say I’d never do it. Sometimes you gotta step out on faith.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:09 pm

@Rell, you have to go through something to get to “the other side of thru”

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:10 pm

M(DOT)- (jealousy, cheating, commitment, boringness, etc…) <– I was NOT referring to any of those types of problems.. To avoid those problems, you must choose a mate that is on the same level as you.

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:13 pm

wow – whenever life does not go the way we envisioned – then we automatically are going through something..lol..folks are funny

@Rell – aint nothing wrong with going through as long as you don’t get stuck (especially on stupid). This how folks grow.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:13 pm

Wings- M. & Lioness – Bad actors……..<– What you talking about sis?

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:13 pm

ARED get a AMEN!

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:14 pm

She needs to disconnect everything when she leaves the house.

:lol:

Raqi – Thanks. Cuz she doesn’t want to be divorced. They got married in the summer of 2008 and he hasn’t worked since then really.

Even today, her car battery went dead and she said someone else’s husband came to her rescue (a friends husband got to her first).

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:14 pm

Even Jesus said “It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.”

Don’t go quitting your job ’cause you woke up with a wild hair.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:15 pm

Kym- how do you punish a grown azz man?<– You mean, how do you punish a grown azz moocher? :lol:

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:15 pm

If they don’t want to, they won’t…no fire will get them to stepping higher, sometimes not even asking for a divorce!

Leggs – She said she’s printed out the divorce papers once and signed her name on them at two different times. :lol:

Dan

September 15th, 2009
3:16 pm

1) almost 10% of the country is out of work (according the Bureau of Labor and Statistics);

2) the same entity reports that Black people have been losing jobs at a rate of almost 2 to 1 of their white counterparts since 1999;

So, in reality a lot of people are unemployed and ain’t no coming back – people is going to have to adjust; esp. in relationships

Melo

September 15th, 2009
3:16 pm

It is irresponsible to walk away from a job not having another one in place when other people’s lives are at stake

It is not..its called ambition…..

To achieve a certain level of success u have to take risk.If u read most of the bizness magazines/publications,uall read cases of folks who quit their jobs,had dreams and buisiness plans and not enough money to survive on..all becoz they had bigger dreams.

Stop playing and thinking safe unless u want to be average……

When i moved here from africa, i quit a managerial job and a company car plus benefits, paid school fees for only one semester in ther USA,out of my own pay and did not have money for the remainder of my MBA studies. MY plan,ambition and dreams paved my way outa that tight spot.
So i know,there is nothing that beats a person with a dream and a plan.
Like i said about bill gates, i cld about me………..

Look at me now!

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:16 pm

Amazon do they own or rent?

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:19 pm

It is irresponsible to walk away from a job not having another one in place when other people’s lives are at stake.

Raqi – I would support my husband if his job was making him sick AND he actually had a plan in place to provide once he chucked the deuces.

I wouldn’t want him flipping out and just quitting, but if it’s a thought out decision with a plan for the future I wouldn’t call it irresponsible.

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
3:19 pm

Let the lights get cut off. Um, wow. Don’t know about that one. Don’t think I’ll be sitting up in the dark looking crazy for any reason.

Besides, if she can pay the bills with no problem, but stops doing it to prove a point, then that’s just games and bllsht.

Kym-I want deep dish pizza.

September 15th, 2009
3:19 pm

ARed..maybe she should move out or sit his azz out… just for a short while since she doesn’t want to get divorce.

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:20 pm

M(DOT)- (jealousy, cheating, commitment, boringness, etc…) <– I was NOT referring to any of those types of problems.. To avoid those problems, you must choose a mate that is on the same level as you.
@Lioness – You referred to people in relationships that are not on the same level……….I call them bad actors,because they are playing parts that they can not fulfill. While I don't agree with folks being a the same level in all areas, I believe our core values must be.

M. ( pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
3:20 pm

@Lioness-

Ok, Im with you, what other problems were you referring to?

Rell - the ruler is back

September 15th, 2009
3:20 pm

@LEGGS…trust i know about going thru…but dayum…all these problems are temporary..what happens is folks stop working together…period.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:21 pm

Printing them out and signing one’s name has zero validity as opposed to going down the court house and actually getting a case number stamped on it. Now, that might get his attention moreso than a simple signature.

Even vowing to cook for yourself is easier said than done. Not everyone can do it.

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:22 pm

@Lioness – the blog ate my response to you….

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:22 pm

Amazon do they own or rent?

Raqi – They own. She bought the house as a single woman and he moved in. He was a renter.

She was in the process of buying an investment property soon after they married, but I don’t know if that happened

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:23 pm

M(DOT)- Money, amount of time spent with one another, porn addiction, etc.. Regular sh!t.. :lol: :lol:

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:24 pm

Amazon I would support my husband also. However if his job is making him sick I doubt if it would just happen all of a sudden and I would hope he would tell me about it when he first starts thinking about leaving. Knowing that it is starting to get to him I would help him look for something else. If he has to leave before we find something then that’s a different issue but I can’t get with just up and quitting one day out of the blue.

M'...Phine, DIVINE and 49!!!

September 15th, 2009
3:24 pm

Hey peeps…finally got my new universal power cord…hallelujah…and now I can be back on the computer more regular like…not a bad deal…I found on for $28 plus $5 S&H…it is adaptable for most laptops…beat paying Toshiba $100 for a new one…if anyone wants the info FYI let me know…peace

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:26 pm

Look at me now!

melo – Look at you what? Blogging all day like the rest of us? :P

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
3:26 pm

I know what happened she thought they was gonna have two incomes instead of one and feeding a grown ass man is expensive. I know, I got a 13 year old kid at the house who eats like a lumberjack

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:27 pm

“going through something similar

‘wow – whenever life does not go the way we envisioned – then we automatically are going thru something..lol..folks are funny’”

@LEGGS…trust i know about going thru… How could you, unless you’re one of those funny folk??? Why laugh or syh at something only to turn around and then identify?

Rell - the ruler is back

September 15th, 2009
3:28 pm

i wonder what type of godly advice ared friend is getting…cause i am sure a god fearing man was her requirment….folks so forget “faith” when life throws them a curve…smdh

then all these godly women providing godly advice…da same ones looking for “god fearing” men…lol..we in the matrix fa real

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:28 pm

Printing them out and signing one’s name has zero validity

Leggs – I think that is the point. Like I said she doesn’t want to be divorced. She wasn’t doing it to threaten him, I think she was just doing it to gauge how she would feel about it.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:28 pm

Ared- :lol: :lol: :lol:

agg- who eats like a lumberjack<– :lol: :lol: :lol:

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:29 pm

As for dreams and ambitions they don’t always materialize as one would hope.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:30 pm

I realize that ARed, she can always cancel. He may also know that her lone signature mean nothing…therefore, no fire under his arse! However, I know you can’t play with the courts.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:32 pm

Oh, ARed, that’s a whole new topic. Didn’t read your last sentence.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:32 pm

If he has to leave before we find something then that’s a different issue but I can’t get with just up and quitting one day out of the blue.

Raqi – I totally agree.

My ex hated his job. It wasn’t making him sick, but it kept him in a bad mood and whining about it. Eventually I told him to do something about it. I asked him what he’d want to do. Personal training was the answer.

But he never did anything about it. I had a free trial membership at LA fitness and in that week I saw an ad for PT certification. I sent it to him. He went and took the test and took on a few clients.

In any case, he still with that job. But me leaving him did light a fire under that azz. He’s still working towards leaving his job but at least he’s set his sights on it on his own.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:33 pm

M(DOT)- The amount of time spent with one another, money, sex, p0rn addiction etc.. Regular relationship issues :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Ared- Do you think she doesn’t want a divorce because of what ppl would think? I know I would have been HOT if he didn’t help me when I was on the side of the road!!

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:33 pm

Change the locks. If she owns the place, change the locks.

Don’t feed him. Eat before she gets home. Eat in the morning after she leaves.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
3:34 pm

Ared,i think ur friend’s hubby is acting outa the depression of losing a job.And its gonna take a while to get another,based on current estimates.

The thing he needs from a caring wife is emotional support,not tongue lashings every time she comes home.Most men egos are very fragile,especially when they are not getting what they want on the career front.He is no different.
The flip side of that is most females dont know how to tackle a partner like that when roles are kinda flipped.They tend to expect that things remain at default.
She shld start by kindly suggesting he handle the house chores when shes away and be a listening board in case he wants to talk….
But to want to leave the marriage coz hes not wrking and coz there are problems here and there is chickening out…in typical female fashion.
Lyfe aint easy like that.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
3:36 pm

To achieve a certain level of success u have to take risk. Stop playing and thinking safe unless u want to be average……

Melo – I know exactly where you are coming from with this. Just reading you and your mindset, I doubt very seriously if you would be one of those folks to just up & quit a job with a family to support and not have some type of plan in place and ambition & faith to guide you. Plus, it was probably a different job market when all this took place for you versus how it is now.

Safe & complacent is a way of life for some people, Melo, and unfortunately more so for a lot of our people. A lot of us will always be behind. If being average is enough for you, fine. But don’t knock others who chose different. I see a lot of that ambition and drive you speak of from people that come here from different countries. A lot come with no more than the clothes on their backs, but they work hard and hustle and next thing you know they are business owners and living well.

I’ve been fortunate in that I’ve always had a new job before leaving an old one. I’ve been downsized 2 times, but was never out of work more than a month. But even with a new job lined up, I have had people criticize me! They say I should get in one job and stay there. It’s a new day and working somewhere 40 years and retiring with a nice pension is a thing of the past. And I refuse to just stay somewhere miserable to make others around me comfortable. I’ve not had to ask anyone for a dime and always bounce back bigger & better, but still some say “Kimmie can’t keep a job”. The H with them!

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:36 pm

Yes, yes, I know :arrow: Reading is Fundamental!!!! :lol:

Melo

September 15th, 2009
3:37 pm

melo – Look at you what? Blogging all day like the rest of us

compared to my situ then Ared! i came, i saw i conquered!

i work smarter

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:38 pm

Raqi- :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: @ Change the locks. If she owns the place, change the locks. That is a pretty smart idea if duke isn’t violent :???:

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:39 pm

Ared- Do you think she doesn’t want a divorce because of what ppl would think?

Lioness – I think that could be one reason. They’ve only been married a year.

But I think too that she is considering the sum of all of him. Him losing his job is not his fault. He had a good job when he was employed. And I think he is earnestly looking. I just dont think he’s at a point where he feels he needs to work at Walmart just to be working. They aren’t broke.

Dan

September 15th, 2009
3:39 pm

@melo

^^^5 that 3:34

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:40 pm

compared to my situ then Ared! i came, i saw i conquered!

As a person blogging along with you…I ain’t mad atcha. :lol:

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:41 pm

Melo you know what he could do, he could go out and pick up aluminum cans to recycle. Plastic bottles, glass, cardboard. Anything to show that he is trying. Heck $10 just to pay for his meal at least shows that he is not taking her for granted. Home Depot used to give you $50 for wooden pallets.

My husband used to tell my oldest son, a man can always find work to do.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
3:42 pm

As for dreams and ambitions they don’t always materialize as one would hope.

why u so negative Raqi??

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:42 pm

She shld start by kindly suggesting he handle the house chores when shes away and be a listening board in case he wants to talk….

melo – She’s done that. Now what.

Because they joined church together and did premarital counseling and she has known him for years. Trust me, she doesn’t snap everytime she sees him. But it’s frustrating to come home after working and then having to manage the house too.

Where is her sympathy. Most women want to keep their man. They aren’t going to start nagging for sport.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
3:43 pm

@Lioness-

LOLOLOL regular! Got you….

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:44 pm

I am not being negative Melo, just realistic. Everyone should have their dreams and strive to see them come true but use common sense along the way.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
3:44 pm

Raqi, i got a truck, i lose my job, i will cut grass and clean yards till it gets better…

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
3:44 pm

M.- what is the info (company,website, model#, etc.) on the universal power cord?

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:44 pm

That is a pretty smart idea if duke isn’t violent

Lioness – I know him too. He’s a very nice guy and treats her well. He’s just lazy. It’s clear he got by on those pretty boy looks for too long.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
3:46 pm

does he know how to cook….Ared??

off to a meeting…let me know when i come back

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:47 pm

i will cut grass and clean yards till it gets better

And you never know, you could find yourself cutting lawn for the entire neighborhood and the next three down the street. And soon after have a fleet of landscaping trucks all over the metro area.

That’s the way look at things. Not negatively but right there ^.

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
3:48 pm

I agree that she shouldn’t have to come home from work and have to cook and clean as well.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:48 pm

treats her well. He’s just lazy

That’s an oxymoron. LOL

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:50 pm

He mistreats her everyday he sits on his behind doing nothing and she has to go out and work to pay for the both of them.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:51 pm

melo – He cooks. I don’t know how well.

They are not broke and I think that is part of the problem. Why would at Home Depot and take time away from searching and interviewing if the bills are still getting paid.

I think he knows his situation is temporary, so he doesn’t need just any old job just to say he has one.

I think she’d feel better about it if she could count on the household stuff being taken care of. It’s hit or miss it seems. Sometimes the chores are done and dinner is ready, and sometimes they arent.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:52 pm

That should have read “why WORK at Home Depot”

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:53 pm

That’s an oxymoron. LOL

Touche. :lol:

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:55 pm

If they do divorce, I wouldn’t be surprise. She’s been the star and he the co star thoughtout their whole relationship, IMO. I think she should have ended up with a guy who had the same drive as hers. She’s dated those, and she couldn’t deal with the azzhole factor it came with.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:58 pm

Melo- Dude is NOT her son! Why should she have to tell him to take out the trash when it is smelling up the house? Shouldn’t he show his appreciation for her by doing SOMETHING in the house while she is out making sure the lights stay on? Dude has been out of work for a YEAR!!!

Coming home to a man on the couch & a dirty kitchen is enough to set anyone OFF!!!

Raqi- Your 3:41 is what I am talking about! Do something!!

M(DOT)- :razz: Don’t NOT date cause of the BS your homie is going through! There are some AMAZING ppl out here! Do YOU ;)

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:58 pm

Oh and the guy in the office next to me had a similar situation. He had gotten laid off and worked at Lowe’s just to have something in the interim. He took the same position I have, which is really for someone about 8 years younger and worked his tail off to get promoted in 8 months. He’s been promoted again sense then.

But he was the primary bread winner at the time to begin with so he needed something while he was out of work.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:59 pm

There’s more to managing a home than just cooking. Why doesn’t he help her clean, do the laundry. Who mows the lawn? Hopefully not her.

Rell - the ruler is back

September 15th, 2009
4:00 pm

boy this is too much..just wow..she was the star and he the co-star….taking notes

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
4:00 pm

I do want to clarify that he actively looks for jobs, even when he isn’t doing chores.

Don’t know if that will give him any points. :lol:

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
4:00 pm

Ared, your 3:58 & Raqi’s 3:41 is what MEN do..

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
4:01 pm

Amred – By reading your 3:51, it does not seem to be much of a problem then. But I would not call being out of work over a year a temporary situation, especially in this market.

She knew he was not much of a “housekeeper” before she married him. She knew he had no ambition and was used to getting by on his looks. She signed on to his program and now she’s having buyer’s remorse. But she loves her sorry, pretty husband. No crime in that, just call it what it is. She knew he didn’t have any ambition. She may have to be content wearing the pants & the dress in that relationship. She isn’t going anywhere.

I feel zero sympathy for this woman. I know people that are in way worst situations than they are.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
4:03 pm

Rell what are just wowwing about?

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
4:04 pm

I feel zero sympathy for this woman. I know people that are in way worst situations than they are.

kimmie – Ouch. But yes, she’s not asking for any and she definitely did have her reservations from jump about his drive, or lack thereof.

She did marry an employed man tho. Funny how life works.

Kym-I want deep dish pizza.

September 15th, 2009
4:06 pm

@Amazon I bet she could even get a great wood bat signed by Chipper Jones.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
4:06 pm

Leggs-Why doesn’t he help her clean, do the laundry<– Cause that is a woman's duty :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I wouldn't let my man or husband do laundry..

Tazzee

September 15th, 2009
4:06 pm

Happy Birthday M’

Afternoon Folks!

Good topic – I’m late again, not sure how much I can contribute. My fiance’ makes less than me but his expenses are significantly less than mine also. He owns his own business and I know he has the potential to earn much more. Because he is multi-skilled, I KNOW we would have no problem if I were to lose my job. Even now, folks that he’ll contract with are always trying to hire him – he doesn’t want to work for anyone and I don’t blame him.

We had a discussion one time about him going to work for a company. This was when our relationship started to get serious. I asked him why he was considering it and he started talking about us getting married and him taking care of me, etc. I told him not to go get a job he doesn’t want because he thinks it will make me happy. Our combined salaries are more than enough for us. I told him that his happiness is more important to me than any ‘upgrade’ in lifestyle when we get married.

More importantly, he takes care of me more than any guy that had gobs of money. I’ve saved more money with him doing things around the house than a multitude of a fancy dinners.

As far as him being my co-star, while my career may be more demanding – it is NOT the star of our relationship. We both are VERY supportive of each other. Both of our jobs can require us to work outside of normal business hours and that’s cool. But we NEVER let work affect major plans.

Rell - the ruler is back

September 15th, 2009
4:07 pm

She knew he was not much of a “housekeeper” before she married him. She knew he had no ambition and was used to getting by on his looks. She signed on to his program and now she’s having buyer’s remorse. But she loves her sorry, pretty husband. No crime in that, just call it what it is. She knew he didn’t have any ambition. She may have to be content wearing the pants & the dress in that relationship. She isn’t going anywhere.

I feel zero sympathy for this woman. I know people that are in way worst

WORD!!!!

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
4:09 pm

I’m so happy for you Tazzee. You both found winners!

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
4:10 pm

Leaving the garbage in the house?? :shock:

Leggs- Why doesn’t he help her clean, do the laundry<– Cause he doesn't have to..

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
4:10 pm

I told him that his happiness is more important to me

Tazzee that’s a tricky one right there when a lot men’s happiness is in taking care of home. But it seems like you have a good one.

Dan

September 15th, 2009
4:11 pm

@Tazz

Wonderful, just wonderful.

“As far as him being my co-star, while my career may be more demanding – it is NOT the star of our relationship.”

^^^ that right thurr – realest isht ever on this blog…

We all talking about what “real” men and women do and are. In reality a man does what he has to for his family, and a woman the same.

All this “gender role” nonsense is out the window when the rubber meets the road.

BTW, Tazz just hit chall with the ROD chick and dude.

Respect her gangsta!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
4:13 pm

Tazz- Hey Girlie ;)

Dan LUVS Gantsa ISH!!

Raqi

September 15th, 2009
4:13 pm

Oh I don’t want to end the day without saying if a man has a wife and she does not work, neither does she clean, cook, takes care of the kiddies and offers no emotional support to her husband…put her arse out.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
4:13 pm

Is Dan in some sort of rap video right now? :lol:

Dan

September 15th, 2009
4:14 pm

Tazz

I need you to add that after your moniker: Respect my love gangster….

M'...Phine, DIVINE and 49!!!

September 15th, 2009
4:14 pm

@Bibay

http://www.batteryedge.com

866-958-8405

Part #: UNV90WAC Universal Laptop Adaptor w/ 8 Round style tips-Fits 90% of laptops, 15-24 Volts ( this is an adjustable meter), 90 watts

@Tazz

Thanks sug…it has been a GOOD day!!!!

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
4:15 pm

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
4:15 pm

We all talking about what “real” men and women do and are. In reality a man does what he has to for his family, and a woman the same.

Dan – Sho nuff!

Taz – Gotcha self a winna! And so does he!LOL!!

Dan

September 15th, 2009
4:17 pm

@Lioness

I’ve often said I don’t care for foolishness

Tazz cut straight thru to it. Dude was going to get a job to take care of her financially, her only concern was his mental/spritual health.

All this “real” man and “real” woman stuff is as simple as that. Being real with yourself and the people you love. <–that's gangsta

Rell - the ruler is back

September 15th, 2009
4:21 pm

@TAZZ…dude got a stable thinking women..good for him and you..

@dan…i agree…

@raqi…i was wowing because i was thinking along the lines of tazz/kimmie…there are things to be thankful for even in your darkest hour…just saying i saw how my x gave up on me because of some small reason…now that choice does not seem so good now six months later…but again when you live in that perfect bubble with no problems you dont have a concept of that

Rell - I need a five star chick!!!

September 15th, 2009
4:26 pm

keep the juicebox wet and the head stay fi…lol

Raqi

September 15th, 2009
4:28 pm

Rell the way I see things is crap happens but that don’t mean you have to lay in it. Not getting out there and finding something to do to help support your family is akin to laying in the crap. And a good woman will not be crushing a man’s ball at the onset of a mishap but a good woman will not stand for a grown man doing nothing and bringing in nothing.

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
4:31 pm

Ok- don’t know what happened to my earlier post- sorry if this is a repeat. M.- Thanks for the info.

Standing ovation for Tazzee’s 4:06 post.

Rell - I need a five star chick!!!

September 15th, 2009
4:31 pm

@raqi…yep you are right….he could do something…but if you know like i know some jobs are funny with hiring…i remember when i was unemployed…i heard do you think you would like this job with all this on your resume…etc…i had a job snatched from me because they hired someone internal the day after the manager told me to report to work on monday…he knew my wife and called her and said we hiring your husband…lol

Tazzee

September 15th, 2009
4:32 pm

Raqi – I know what you mean about a man’s happiness, that’s why I added the part about him taking care of things around the house. It brings him joy and I let him do it. The reason why I’m not worried about the disparity in out incomes is I know that if him not being the primary breadwinner makes him unhappier than working for himself – he has what it takes to go make that money.

The other thing is, in his last marriage – his business was BOOMING and he put a lot of time into making a lot of money but he was miserable. Like the dudes have said on here – when it was over he just got out and let her have everything (except his work trucks and vintage cars) and started all over again.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
4:33 pm

Just to clarify, I brought up this situation because it was part of the topic. Folks were making excuses for the dude, so I asked where was her sympathy in response to that.

She’s not asking anyone to feel sorry for her. It’s her situation and she’s dealing with it. They are both very blessed and they know it. Just because other folks are worse off doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a problem on her hands. And not dealing with it would make no sense.

She’s trying to figure out a way to make her relationship work without leading to divorce. I’m sure it’s been a real eye opener for them both, especially dealing with this as newlyweds.

Rell - I need a five star chick!!!

September 15th, 2009
4:35 pm

i will be the race car/hitting her curves – lil wayne…lol

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
4:40 pm

Just to clarify, I brought up this situation because it was part of the topic.

I figured as much Amred. It’s all good, just part of a lively discussion! And yeah, you can always find folks that are worse off than you, but that does not make you feel any better while you’re dealing with yours!LOL!!

Tazzee

September 15th, 2009
4:40 pm

Thanks for the kudos folks – but trust, it’s not me – it’s him. He’s real secure about it and I have no choice but to respect him.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
4:42 pm

And yeah, you can always find folks that are worse off than you, but that does not make you feel any better while you’re dealing with yours!LOL!!

kimmie – right :lol:

And it was very nice to get folks perspectives on possible solutions. Cuz how long would any one of us put up with a spouse who we feel wasn’t pulling their weight? (job or not).

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
4:43 pm

He’s real secure about it and I have no choice but to respect him.

Tazz – And that, my friend, is key! A secure man is a beautiful thing!

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
4:44 pm

Ared- DAMN sure not a year!! Struggling or NOT!

Kimmie- You ain’t lying ;)

Melo

September 15th, 2009
4:44 pm

The way Tazzee is handling her situation is exactly the way it shld be handled,with tact.Shes fortunate in that she got a lil biut of age and maturity on her side…and GOD too.

A younger chic(possibly Ared’s friend) may not fare well.This is the dilemna most of our females face when confronted with that “protector” role,esp when they assumed roses and ice cream,silver and gold and the man providing the cover.
How to communicate and offer supoort without antagonising

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
4:45 pm

Thanks for the kudos folks – but trust, it’s not me – it’s him. He’s real secure about it and I have no choice but to respect him.

:D

But you recognize it. ;)

Melo

September 15th, 2009
4:45 pm

damn typos,but u got the gist! :lol:

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
4:48 pm

How to communicate and offer supoort without antagonising

melo – Again…she’s done that. At some point it gets old. Had you left your job and still didn’t have one a year later, your story may have ended differently.

What would have happened if your wife had been open and supportive and you still only did the minimum?

It gets old, especially when your “tact” goes ignored.

Tazzee

September 15th, 2009
4:54 pm

Melo – a little bit of age, God and $$$. If I were living paycheck to paycheck, I’m not sure if I’d be the same way – I don’t know. I’d like to think I would be, but I truly don’t know.

Grace

September 15th, 2009
4:57 pm

Good read all day long, Ared your friend took a vow of for better or worst…..This could be a season they’re going thru, who knows, from this point they can only go up!

Have a great evening!

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
4:57 pm

I believe….
Life isn’t about “finding” yourself. Life is about “creating” yourself. Embrace the masterpiece within you!!

Nite!!!

Tazzee

September 15th, 2009
4:59 pm

Have a great evening all!!!

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September 21st, 2009
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