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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Can You Be My Co-Star?

I haven’t watched Oprah’s interview with Whitney Houston in it’s entirety yet, but I saw a portion of it. I believe Oprah asked if her ex-husband, Bobby Brown was ever jealous of her success.  Houston paused for a moment before answering yes, but she mentioned that when her career skyrocketed, he was supportive. Her career and success took center stage and he took on the role of protector and supportive husband, and she loved that.

When we discussed single successful women,  I noticed that the new male-female relationship dynamic is probably completely new territory. Many of us grew up with our fathers’ career and ambitions taking center stage.

So how would a couple navigate the whole new world of being more versatile and flexible to the modern-day circumstances?

Ladies, are you meeting or dating men that would feel comfortable with your career taking center stage?  I honestly think that men would be willing to be supportive for the right woman.

Do you think it is possible to have an equal and loving partnership if the woman is the “leading lady” and her man is in the supporting role?

I know that men often say that loyalty and support is an absolute must in their woman. Are men able to provide the same to women when her career is red hot?  What part of being the co-star instead of the star of the show would bother you? How can women help to make this dynamic work for you?

286 comments Add your comment

M'...Phine, DIVINE and 49!!!

September 15th, 2009
3:24 pm

Hey peeps…finally got my new universal power cord…hallelujah…and now I can be back on the computer more regular like…not a bad deal…I found on for $28 plus $5 S&H…it is adaptable for most laptops…beat paying Toshiba $100 for a new one…if anyone wants the info FYI let me know…peace

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:26 pm

Look at me now!

melo – Look at you what? Blogging all day like the rest of us? :P

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
3:26 pm

I know what happened she thought they was gonna have two incomes instead of one and feeding a grown ass man is expensive. I know, I got a 13 year old kid at the house who eats like a lumberjack

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:27 pm

“going through something similar

‘wow – whenever life does not go the way we envisioned – then we automatically are going thru something..lol..folks are funny’”

@LEGGS…trust i know about going thru… How could you, unless you’re one of those funny folk??? Why laugh or syh at something only to turn around and then identify?

Rell - the ruler is back

September 15th, 2009
3:28 pm

i wonder what type of godly advice ared friend is getting…cause i am sure a god fearing man was her requirment….folks so forget “faith” when life throws them a curve…smdh

then all these godly women providing godly advice…da same ones looking for “god fearing” men…lol..we in the matrix fa real

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:28 pm

Printing them out and signing one’s name has zero validity

Leggs – I think that is the point. Like I said she doesn’t want to be divorced. She wasn’t doing it to threaten him, I think she was just doing it to gauge how she would feel about it.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:28 pm

Ared- :lol: :lol: :lol:

agg- who eats like a lumberjack<– :lol: :lol: :lol:

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:29 pm

As for dreams and ambitions they don’t always materialize as one would hope.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:30 pm

I realize that ARed, she can always cancel. He may also know that her lone signature mean nothing…therefore, no fire under his arse! However, I know you can’t play with the courts.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:32 pm

Oh, ARed, that’s a whole new topic. Didn’t read your last sentence.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:32 pm

If he has to leave before we find something then that’s a different issue but I can’t get with just up and quitting one day out of the blue.

Raqi – I totally agree.

My ex hated his job. It wasn’t making him sick, but it kept him in a bad mood and whining about it. Eventually I told him to do something about it. I asked him what he’d want to do. Personal training was the answer.

But he never did anything about it. I had a free trial membership at LA fitness and in that week I saw an ad for PT certification. I sent it to him. He went and took the test and took on a few clients.

In any case, he still with that job. But me leaving him did light a fire under that azz. He’s still working towards leaving his job but at least he’s set his sights on it on his own.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:33 pm

M(DOT)- The amount of time spent with one another, money, sex, p0rn addiction etc.. Regular relationship issues :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Ared- Do you think she doesn’t want a divorce because of what ppl would think? I know I would have been HOT if he didn’t help me when I was on the side of the road!!

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:33 pm

Change the locks. If she owns the place, change the locks.

Don’t feed him. Eat before she gets home. Eat in the morning after she leaves.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
3:34 pm

Ared,i think ur friend’s hubby is acting outa the depression of losing a job.And its gonna take a while to get another,based on current estimates.

The thing he needs from a caring wife is emotional support,not tongue lashings every time she comes home.Most men egos are very fragile,especially when they are not getting what they want on the career front.He is no different.
The flip side of that is most females dont know how to tackle a partner like that when roles are kinda flipped.They tend to expect that things remain at default.
She shld start by kindly suggesting he handle the house chores when shes away and be a listening board in case he wants to talk….
But to want to leave the marriage coz hes not wrking and coz there are problems here and there is chickening out…in typical female fashion.
Lyfe aint easy like that.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
3:36 pm

To achieve a certain level of success u have to take risk. Stop playing and thinking safe unless u want to be average……

Melo – I know exactly where you are coming from with this. Just reading you and your mindset, I doubt very seriously if you would be one of those folks to just up & quit a job with a family to support and not have some type of plan in place and ambition & faith to guide you. Plus, it was probably a different job market when all this took place for you versus how it is now.

Safe & complacent is a way of life for some people, Melo, and unfortunately more so for a lot of our people. A lot of us will always be behind. If being average is enough for you, fine. But don’t knock others who chose different. I see a lot of that ambition and drive you speak of from people that come here from different countries. A lot come with no more than the clothes on their backs, but they work hard and hustle and next thing you know they are business owners and living well.

I’ve been fortunate in that I’ve always had a new job before leaving an old one. I’ve been downsized 2 times, but was never out of work more than a month. But even with a new job lined up, I have had people criticize me! They say I should get in one job and stay there. It’s a new day and working somewhere 40 years and retiring with a nice pension is a thing of the past. And I refuse to just stay somewhere miserable to make others around me comfortable. I’ve not had to ask anyone for a dime and always bounce back bigger & better, but still some say “Kimmie can’t keep a job”. The H with them!

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:36 pm

Yes, yes, I know :arrow: Reading is Fundamental!!!! :lol:

Melo

September 15th, 2009
3:37 pm

melo – Look at you what? Blogging all day like the rest of us

compared to my situ then Ared! i came, i saw i conquered!

i work smarter

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:38 pm

Raqi- :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: @ Change the locks. If she owns the place, change the locks. That is a pretty smart idea if duke isn’t violent :???:

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:39 pm

Ared- Do you think she doesn’t want a divorce because of what ppl would think?

Lioness – I think that could be one reason. They’ve only been married a year.

But I think too that she is considering the sum of all of him. Him losing his job is not his fault. He had a good job when he was employed. And I think he is earnestly looking. I just dont think he’s at a point where he feels he needs to work at Walmart just to be working. They aren’t broke.

Dan

September 15th, 2009
3:39 pm

@melo

^^^5 that 3:34

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:40 pm

compared to my situ then Ared! i came, i saw i conquered!

As a person blogging along with you…I ain’t mad atcha. :lol:

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:41 pm

Melo you know what he could do, he could go out and pick up aluminum cans to recycle. Plastic bottles, glass, cardboard. Anything to show that he is trying. Heck $10 just to pay for his meal at least shows that he is not taking her for granted. Home Depot used to give you $50 for wooden pallets.

My husband used to tell my oldest son, a man can always find work to do.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
3:42 pm

As for dreams and ambitions they don’t always materialize as one would hope.

why u so negative Raqi??

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:42 pm

She shld start by kindly suggesting he handle the house chores when shes away and be a listening board in case he wants to talk….

melo – She’s done that. Now what.

Because they joined church together and did premarital counseling and she has known him for years. Trust me, she doesn’t snap everytime she sees him. But it’s frustrating to come home after working and then having to manage the house too.

Where is her sympathy. Most women want to keep their man. They aren’t going to start nagging for sport.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
3:43 pm

@Lioness-

LOLOLOL regular! Got you….

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:44 pm

I am not being negative Melo, just realistic. Everyone should have their dreams and strive to see them come true but use common sense along the way.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
3:44 pm

Raqi, i got a truck, i lose my job, i will cut grass and clean yards till it gets better…

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
3:44 pm

M.- what is the info (company,website, model#, etc.) on the universal power cord?

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:44 pm

That is a pretty smart idea if duke isn’t violent

Lioness – I know him too. He’s a very nice guy and treats her well. He’s just lazy. It’s clear he got by on those pretty boy looks for too long.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
3:46 pm

does he know how to cook….Ared??

off to a meeting…let me know when i come back

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:47 pm

i will cut grass and clean yards till it gets better

And you never know, you could find yourself cutting lawn for the entire neighborhood and the next three down the street. And soon after have a fleet of landscaping trucks all over the metro area.

That’s the way look at things. Not negatively but right there ^.

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
3:48 pm

I agree that she shouldn’t have to come home from work and have to cook and clean as well.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:48 pm

treats her well. He’s just lazy

That’s an oxymoron. LOL

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:50 pm

He mistreats her everyday he sits on his behind doing nothing and she has to go out and work to pay for the both of them.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:51 pm

melo – He cooks. I don’t know how well.

They are not broke and I think that is part of the problem. Why would at Home Depot and take time away from searching and interviewing if the bills are still getting paid.

I think he knows his situation is temporary, so he doesn’t need just any old job just to say he has one.

I think she’d feel better about it if she could count on the household stuff being taken care of. It’s hit or miss it seems. Sometimes the chores are done and dinner is ready, and sometimes they arent.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:52 pm

That should have read “why WORK at Home Depot”

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:53 pm

That’s an oxymoron. LOL

Touche. :lol:

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:55 pm

If they do divorce, I wouldn’t be surprise. She’s been the star and he the co star thoughtout their whole relationship, IMO. I think she should have ended up with a guy who had the same drive as hers. She’s dated those, and she couldn’t deal with the azzhole factor it came with.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:58 pm

Melo- Dude is NOT her son! Why should she have to tell him to take out the trash when it is smelling up the house? Shouldn’t he show his appreciation for her by doing SOMETHING in the house while she is out making sure the lights stay on? Dude has been out of work for a YEAR!!!

Coming home to a man on the couch & a dirty kitchen is enough to set anyone OFF!!!

Raqi- Your 3:41 is what I am talking about! Do something!!

M(DOT)- :razz: Don’t NOT date cause of the BS your homie is going through! There are some AMAZING ppl out here! Do YOU ;)

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:58 pm

Oh and the guy in the office next to me had a similar situation. He had gotten laid off and worked at Lowe’s just to have something in the interim. He took the same position I have, which is really for someone about 8 years younger and worked his tail off to get promoted in 8 months. He’s been promoted again sense then.

But he was the primary bread winner at the time to begin with so he needed something while he was out of work.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:59 pm

There’s more to managing a home than just cooking. Why doesn’t he help her clean, do the laundry. Who mows the lawn? Hopefully not her.

Rell - the ruler is back

September 15th, 2009
4:00 pm

boy this is too much..just wow..she was the star and he the co-star….taking notes

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
4:00 pm

I do want to clarify that he actively looks for jobs, even when he isn’t doing chores.

Don’t know if that will give him any points. :lol:

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
4:00 pm

Ared, your 3:58 & Raqi’s 3:41 is what MEN do..

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
4:01 pm

Amred – By reading your 3:51, it does not seem to be much of a problem then. But I would not call being out of work over a year a temporary situation, especially in this market.

She knew he was not much of a “housekeeper” before she married him. She knew he had no ambition and was used to getting by on his looks. She signed on to his program and now she’s having buyer’s remorse. But she loves her sorry, pretty husband. No crime in that, just call it what it is. She knew he didn’t have any ambition. She may have to be content wearing the pants & the dress in that relationship. She isn’t going anywhere.

I feel zero sympathy for this woman. I know people that are in way worst situations than they are.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
4:03 pm

Rell what are just wowwing about?

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
4:04 pm

I feel zero sympathy for this woman. I know people that are in way worst situations than they are.

kimmie – Ouch. But yes, she’s not asking for any and she definitely did have her reservations from jump about his drive, or lack thereof.

She did marry an employed man tho. Funny how life works.

Kym-I want deep dish pizza.

September 15th, 2009
4:06 pm

@Amazon I bet she could even get a great wood bat signed by Chipper Jones.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
4:06 pm

Leggs-Why doesn’t he help her clean, do the laundry<– Cause that is a woman's duty :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I wouldn't let my man or husband do laundry..

Tazzee

September 15th, 2009
4:06 pm

Happy Birthday M’

Afternoon Folks!

Good topic – I’m late again, not sure how much I can contribute. My fiance’ makes less than me but his expenses are significantly less than mine also. He owns his own business and I know he has the potential to earn much more. Because he is multi-skilled, I KNOW we would have no problem if I were to lose my job. Even now, folks that he’ll contract with are always trying to hire him – he doesn’t want to work for anyone and I don’t blame him.

We had a discussion one time about him going to work for a company. This was when our relationship started to get serious. I asked him why he was considering it and he started talking about us getting married and him taking care of me, etc. I told him not to go get a job he doesn’t want because he thinks it will make me happy. Our combined salaries are more than enough for us. I told him that his happiness is more important to me than any ‘upgrade’ in lifestyle when we get married.

More importantly, he takes care of me more than any guy that had gobs of money. I’ve saved more money with him doing things around the house than a multitude of a fancy dinners.

As far as him being my co-star, while my career may be more demanding – it is NOT the star of our relationship. We both are VERY supportive of each other. Both of our jobs can require us to work outside of normal business hours and that’s cool. But we NEVER let work affect major plans.