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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Can You Be My Co-Star?

I haven’t watched Oprah’s interview with Whitney Houston in it’s entirety yet, but I saw a portion of it. I believe Oprah asked if her ex-husband, Bobby Brown was ever jealous of her success.  Houston paused for a moment before answering yes, but she mentioned that when her career skyrocketed, he was supportive. Her career and success took center stage and he took on the role of protector and supportive husband, and she loved that.

When we discussed single successful women,  I noticed that the new male-female relationship dynamic is probably completely new territory. Many of us grew up with our fathers’ career and ambitions taking center stage.

So how would a couple navigate the whole new world of being more versatile and flexible to the modern-day circumstances?

Ladies, are you meeting or dating men that would feel comfortable with your career taking center stage?  I honestly think that men would be willing to be supportive for the right woman.

Do you think it is possible to have an equal and loving partnership if the woman is the “leading lady” and her man is in the supporting role?

I know that men often say that loyalty and support is an absolute must in their woman. Are men able to provide the same to women when her career is red hot?  What part of being the co-star instead of the star of the show would bother you? How can women help to make this dynamic work for you?

286 comments Add your comment

Melo

September 15th, 2009
2:44 pm

aggwitty,we werent in a really bad spot necessarily, financially. Granted, 2 paychecks are better than one but as the situation turned out,it did turn out ok,even with her paying the mortgage and all.We didnt lose the house,nor our cars..we just didnt have much extra.
As for my wife, u had to know her then and now coz she didnt understand nor want to tolerate any little discomfort,she wasnt raised like that..(if u have been here long enough, i have alluded to that)
So her losing her job was kinda like a “blessing” altho in a bad way coz in lyfe smetimes, it takes being down to know what real lyfe lessons are like(look at MV for example) So i used the extreme case of bill gates coz it correlates wit the point..if u keep it safe,the rewards are equally so so. Whereas if u take risk in anything,as long as u focused,u may experience the temp hardship but it pays off in a big way a lot of times…
I wasnt playing no ponzi, i was simply looking for more and achievable green.

Dan

September 15th, 2009
2:45 pm

@Kimmie

I was merely trying to not limit the “friends” issue to a particular gender. Somma my friends are waaaaayyy out there anyway on either side of the “relationship” issue.

And I’d hate to be judged by their actions and not my own.

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
2:46 pm

agwitty-you do not pay into unemployment. It is not a tax we as citizens pay. So there is no guarantee to the benefits just because you get fired. There are other factors. Employers pay into unemployment thru their taxes and you as the employee reap the benefit if you are laid off or let go and it is not your fault. Usually if you get fired you are at fault. Slapping someone is fault.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
2:47 pm

Had to laugh at the Nissan story. Don’t most cars break down at some point. I’ve seen Mercedes, BMWs, Jaqs, Hondas, Fords, scooters, motorcycles, etc all on the side of the road. That was funny!

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:47 pm

M(DOT)- Yeah, I thought it was necessary cause this comment –>for example if I am driving and see a nissan broke down on the freeway and if I am looking for a new car this weekend…Ill be a little bit more cautious with Nissan because what I saw…

Also, be aware that whenever you DO decide to become involved with a person, your relationship WILL NOT be problem free!

Kym-I want deep dish pizza.

September 15th, 2009
2:49 pm

Okay I really think I deserve a great present this week. I have been good.

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
2:49 pm

Kym- never say never on the “Crazy” check. LOL!

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:50 pm

Kym, thanks for the education in how unemployment works. I had no clue who paid.

Kym-I want deep dish pizza.

September 15th, 2009
2:52 pm

aggwitty-you welcome. Bibay–I know some fine bureaucrats at SSA and trust me they know mental illness when they see it. They are not passing them out like candy over there..you have to show and prove.

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
2:53 pm

Also, be aware that whenever you DO decide to become involved with a person, your relationship WILL NOT be problem free!

@Lioness – You are right….on days when you can’t find the love….that’s when hopefully, commitment will kick in.

abc

September 15th, 2009
2:54 pm

While I’ve (almost) always followed a rule of not quitting a job before I had another one, I’ve sometimes felt like that was a cop-out, just being a chicken, and possibly keeping myself from seeing the obvious opportunities that would come if I’d only free myself up from what I was doing, so that I could do the looking.

I know a few people who have quit their job, packed up everything, and moved their family across the country because of some aspect of the new place they felt would be of significant benefit. Now, that’s taking a chance. How’s your faith? What’s leading you? Am I too chicken to do something like that, or what!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
2:54 pm

And I’d hate to be judged by their actions and not my own.

Dan – Exactly! I got tired of being judged by some other folk’s miserable situation.

One of the guys I dated went on a cruise with some of these buddies. It was suppose to be like a bachelor party cruise. A lot of these dudes were married. They could not wait for the ship to pull away before they started messing around with other women. Even my dude was a little surprised. I told him the sob stories these friends give him about their “no-good” wives & girlfriends are only one side of the story.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
2:57 pm

If ole dude becomes amongst the unemployed and we are hitched. Hopefully we have a backup plan so that we can survive

Kym – Right now they are surviving because of her hustle, but she’s now wondering what she can do to fix it without divorcing him. She’s considering letting the lights get cut off. There has to be something that can happen to light a fire under him.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:58 pm

It is irresponsible to walk away from a job not having another one in place when other people’s lives are at stake. Even more irresponsible when you don’t discuss with your equal partner first. Somethings faith does not cover.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:00 pm

Wings- I believe if the love is there, it will stay through the problems but the key is to NOT let the problems get out of hand..

Ared- Oh HEYELL NAH!!! Send his tail back to his momma for some months!!

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:01 pm

This is Foxxy Brown speaking to what a Real Co-Star can do for his woman:

Homie, look, what you sellin’ I ain’t buyin’
With dude I’m done, tell him I ain’t cryin’
You’ll see the proof when I drop my album
It’s the past now, plus dawg I’m better without him
(I just need a….) dude that act right
If my life go dim, he can be my flashlight
Not the rebound dude who abused his last wife
A dude that ain’t afraid to lose the mack life
and you don’t got to question if he truly care
A little, dinner here, movie there
and he won’t treat his wifey like his last one, see
Is that too much to ask for?
But, I’m wiser now, I’m older now
and the truth is a need a man to hold me down
And by now most dudes know what “Na Na Be Like”
so this time when I’m doing it, I’m doin’ it right, yes!

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:03 pm

@ARed ~ “There has to be something that can happen to light a fire under him.” You would think the “struggle” or the fact that she’s handling things on her own would be the motivating factor for wanting to do more for the house. If they don’t want to, they won’t…no fire will get them to stepping higher, sometimes not even asking for a divorce! I have a friend going through something similar. She said “she could do bad all by herself” and asked for a divorce. She told her to bring the papers to him. I had to laugh at that smoke being blown back in her face.

Rell - the ruler is back

September 15th, 2009
3:03 pm

She’s considering letting the lights get cut off. There has to be something that can happen to light a fire under him.

- problems only amplify when you let others eat at your table…been there done that…buts whats funny when women are azzed out – its almost our duty as men to “hold it down”…interesting….most men are not complaining – when the house is clean…and the blow jobs keep coming…but women not so much…so its not so much love that keeps it together but security…when the security is in question so will her love and “stick to it” attitude

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
3:04 pm

@Lioness-

I agree. Its always going to be some problems (jealousy, cheating, commitment, boringness, etc…) Always and like somebody said, sometimes we dog relationships out and we cause our own problems. I know I have caused problems in relationships and I know we all have.

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:05 pm

@Lioness – You are right….nip that ish in the bud before it gets outta hand.

Rell - the ruler is back

September 15th, 2009
3:05 pm

going through something similar

wow – whenever life does not go the way we envisioned – then we automatically are going thru something..lol..folks are funny

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:07 pm

M. & Lioness – Bad actors……..

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
3:07 pm

Kym- got it on the “show and prove” for the SSI check. Under certain circumstances, anything is possible.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:07 pm

Amazon in recalling my marriage vow I remember I vowed for better, for worse, richer, poorer, in sickness and in health. I don’t remember promising anything in reference to laziness and trifling.

She needs to disconnect everything when she leaves the house.

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
3:08 pm

We are all going through something. It’s called life.

Kym-I want deep dish pizza.

September 15th, 2009
3:08 pm

@ARed…well they make bats in wood and metal. Just kidding but not really.

Hmmm she could just stop. Like stop going to the store, buy for herself and not for him. I don’t know thats a hard one..how do you punish a grown azz man?

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:09 pm

How’s your faith? What’s leading you?

abc – I was just going to bring up faith. I don’t think quitting without having another job lined up is all that crazy.

I say I wouldn’t do it, but also because life has never handed me such misery. But I can’t say I’d never do it. Sometimes you gotta step out on faith.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:09 pm

@Rell, you have to go through something to get to “the other side of thru”

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:10 pm

M(DOT)- (jealousy, cheating, commitment, boringness, etc…) <– I was NOT referring to any of those types of problems.. To avoid those problems, you must choose a mate that is on the same level as you.

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:13 pm

wow – whenever life does not go the way we envisioned – then we automatically are going through something..lol..folks are funny

@Rell – aint nothing wrong with going through as long as you don’t get stuck (especially on stupid). This how folks grow.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:13 pm

Wings- M. & Lioness – Bad actors……..<– What you talking about sis?

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:13 pm

ARED get a AMEN!

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:14 pm

She needs to disconnect everything when she leaves the house.

:lol:

Raqi – Thanks. Cuz she doesn’t want to be divorced. They got married in the summer of 2008 and he hasn’t worked since then really.

Even today, her car battery went dead and she said someone else’s husband came to her rescue (a friends husband got to her first).

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:14 pm

Even Jesus said “It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.”

Don’t go quitting your job ’cause you woke up with a wild hair.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:15 pm

Kym- how do you punish a grown azz man?<– You mean, how do you punish a grown azz moocher? :lol:

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:15 pm

If they don’t want to, they won’t…no fire will get them to stepping higher, sometimes not even asking for a divorce!

Leggs – She said she’s printed out the divorce papers once and signed her name on them at two different times. :lol:

Dan

September 15th, 2009
3:16 pm

1) almost 10% of the country is out of work (according the Bureau of Labor and Statistics);

2) the same entity reports that Black people have been losing jobs at a rate of almost 2 to 1 of their white counterparts since 1999;

So, in reality a lot of people are unemployed and ain’t no coming back – people is going to have to adjust; esp. in relationships

Melo

September 15th, 2009
3:16 pm

It is irresponsible to walk away from a job not having another one in place when other people’s lives are at stake

It is not..its called ambition…..

To achieve a certain level of success u have to take risk.If u read most of the bizness magazines/publications,uall read cases of folks who quit their jobs,had dreams and buisiness plans and not enough money to survive on..all becoz they had bigger dreams.

Stop playing and thinking safe unless u want to be average……

When i moved here from africa, i quit a managerial job and a company car plus benefits, paid school fees for only one semester in ther USA,out of my own pay and did not have money for the remainder of my MBA studies. MY plan,ambition and dreams paved my way outa that tight spot.
So i know,there is nothing that beats a person with a dream and a plan.
Like i said about bill gates, i cld about me………..

Look at me now!

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:16 pm

Amazon do they own or rent?

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:19 pm

It is irresponsible to walk away from a job not having another one in place when other people’s lives are at stake.

Raqi – I would support my husband if his job was making him sick AND he actually had a plan in place to provide once he chucked the deuces.

I wouldn’t want him flipping out and just quitting, but if it’s a thought out decision with a plan for the future I wouldn’t call it irresponsible.

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
3:19 pm

Let the lights get cut off. Um, wow. Don’t know about that one. Don’t think I’ll be sitting up in the dark looking crazy for any reason.

Besides, if she can pay the bills with no problem, but stops doing it to prove a point, then that’s just games and bllsht.

Kym-I want deep dish pizza.

September 15th, 2009
3:19 pm

ARed..maybe she should move out or sit his azz out… just for a short while since she doesn’t want to get divorce.

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:20 pm

M(DOT)- (jealousy, cheating, commitment, boringness, etc…) <– I was NOT referring to any of those types of problems.. To avoid those problems, you must choose a mate that is on the same level as you.
@Lioness – You referred to people in relationships that are not on the same level……….I call them bad actors,because they are playing parts that they can not fulfill. While I don't agree with folks being a the same level in all areas, I believe our core values must be.

M. ( pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
3:20 pm

@Lioness-

Ok, Im with you, what other problems were you referring to?

Rell - the ruler is back

September 15th, 2009
3:20 pm

@LEGGS…trust i know about going thru…but dayum…all these problems are temporary..what happens is folks stop working together…period.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
3:21 pm

Printing them out and signing one’s name has zero validity as opposed to going down the court house and actually getting a case number stamped on it. Now, that might get his attention moreso than a simple signature.

Even vowing to cook for yourself is easier said than done. Not everyone can do it.

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
3:22 pm

@Lioness – the blog ate my response to you….

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
3:22 pm

Amazon do they own or rent?

Raqi – They own. She bought the house as a single woman and he moved in. He was a renter.

She was in the process of buying an investment property soon after they married, but I don’t know if that happened

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
3:23 pm

M(DOT)- Money, amount of time spent with one another, porn addiction, etc.. Regular sh!t.. :lol: :lol:

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
3:24 pm

Amazon I would support my husband also. However if his job is making him sick I doubt if it would just happen all of a sudden and I would hope he would tell me about it when he first starts thinking about leaving. Knowing that it is starting to get to him I would help him look for something else. If he has to leave before we find something then that’s a different issue but I can’t get with just up and quitting one day out of the blue.