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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Can You Be My Co-Star?

I haven’t watched Oprah’s interview with Whitney Houston in it’s entirety yet, but I saw a portion of it. I believe Oprah asked if her ex-husband, Bobby Brown was ever jealous of her success.  Houston paused for a moment before answering yes, but she mentioned that when her career skyrocketed, he was supportive. Her career and success took center stage and he took on the role of protector and supportive husband, and she loved that.

When we discussed single successful women,  I noticed that the new male-female relationship dynamic is probably completely new territory. Many of us grew up with our fathers’ career and ambitions taking center stage.

So how would a couple navigate the whole new world of being more versatile and flexible to the modern-day circumstances?

Ladies, are you meeting or dating men that would feel comfortable with your career taking center stage?  I honestly think that men would be willing to be supportive for the right woman.

Do you think it is possible to have an equal and loving partnership if the woman is the “leading lady” and her man is in the supporting role?

I know that men often say that loyalty and support is an absolute must in their woman. Are men able to provide the same to women when her career is red hot?  What part of being the co-star instead of the star of the show would bother you? How can women help to make this dynamic work for you?

286 comments Add your comment

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
1:55 pm

kimmie those are type of Indian women that I know also. They don’t believe in a woman taking care of a man. A man not working at all is a man they have avoided. I agree with them.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
1:55 pm

Dan – It all looks about the same to me, but okay.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
1:57 pm

Ared- Your friend loves dude and hopes that he will want to do better with himself but he won’t cause he KNOWS that she is going to hold it down with or without him :???: I was in a situation similar to that BUT I wasn’t even THINKING about marrying the fool! Dude kept a job but was too comfortable with his position with the company.. Once I left his tail, he got his sh!t together REAL QUICK & thanked me for all the times I pushed him to strive higher..

Kimmie- . She said in her culture the husband was supposed to take care of everything and that was clearly understood. <– That is why I was SHOCKED they were indian..

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
1:58 pm

Raqi- I am not indian & I don’t believe in taking care of a man either :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
2:01 pm

“You don’t have to be a STAR baby, to be in my show”.

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
2:02 pm

If ole dude becomes amongst the unemployed and we are hitched. Hopefully we have a backup plan so that we can survive.(see Poppa G’s living on one income) however, if we are dating, living together and you are playing Guitar hero in your boxers all day, sucking up the air, and cleaning out the fridge. Dude might find himself sitting on the curb or sleeping at the YMCA.

Call me a itchy if you want to but err you won’t be using my phone to make the call.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
2:04 pm

melo, did you quit your bank job before you had a new gig though

yeah, i was getting so depressed on the job it was killing me.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:05 pm

Melo without discussing with your wife first?

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:05 pm

Melo- That is why Queen was HOT @ you!! I would have told you to MAN UP DUDE!!!

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
2:05 pm

melo, did you quit your bank job before you had a new gig though

yeah, i was getting so depressed on the job it was killing me.<<<<<<<This is rather troubling.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:06 pm

Kym I know that’s right. Dating does not afford the same priviledges as marriage.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
2:06 pm

Lioness – Here are some thoughts she shared.

I had to tell him that I thought that he was a sorry excuse for a “head of a household”. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but at some point, it needed to be said in such a way that “shocked” him into reality. My point was clear (I thought)…. This isn’t about a job or $…. This is about DRIVE…. INITITIVE…… HUSTLE. At this point, if you’re not exhausted at the end of your day, you haven’t done enough. Period. I asked “Don’t I mean enough to you that you should have to do EVERYTHING in your power to make sure that we’re okay? Or are you counting on the fact that I WON’T FAIL, thusly WE WON’T FAIL?” Cuz that’s the wrong attitude. Real talk.

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:08 pm

man i dont care if he did discuss it with his wife, there are somethings you just dont do as a grown up. quitting your job before you have a new one is one of those things, unless you only have yourself to look out for.

like bill withers said “Before you wreck your old home, be certain of your new”

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
2:11 pm

Lioness – You could not have told me they were Indian either!

Me & one of my friends have a good laugh over this incident that happened a few Christmases ago. I spent that holiday with a dear couple and we had dinner at one of their neighbor’s home. My friend is a fantastic cook and brought a few dishes and I brought 2 of my cake specialties. The neighbor’s mother-in-law was there and was marveling over what we brought. She knew my friend was married because obviously her hubby was with us. My friend introduced me to the MIL. She complimented me over the cakes and then proceeded to tell me how I would make a fine wife for her son back in DC. My friend asked her where her son worked and what he did. She said he was extremely handsome, with blue eyes(I don’t like pretty boys so I was not impressed) he LIVED with moms at age 38 and DID NOT WORK. In fact, she said “Oh, he don’t work, no he don’t work at all”! Not laid off and looking, just DIDN’T WORK! I told her I was seeing someone, which I had met SO just months before. But everyone there thought she was crazy trying to pass her sorry son off on someone to take care of!

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:12 pm

Kym- He better call tyrone :arrow: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Ared- Yep! Get a job @ Target, Walmart somthing DUDE to show me that you are NOT with being @ home while I am out on my grind!

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:13 pm

aggwit I agree. I totally agree. But he still owed it to her to let her know where his thoughts were and to see if she would be okay with him voluntarily walking away from a paycheck if that’s what he absolutely had to do.

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
2:14 pm

@Agg Thank Goodness I thought it was just me!!! Why in the world would you quit your job with no other job insight? Fired is a surprise or not, Quiting, now that’s all you.

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:15 pm

Raqi, even if he did discuss it with Wifey and she was like “go ahead and roll out” aint no way he should have done it. Thats a set up for disaster. Like when a broad says “i dont want anything for christmas/birthday/anniversary” you cant listen to that even if that broad was a muslim that was orphaned and never married.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:15 pm

Agg- I agree!!

Kimmie- WTH?? :shock: I would have looked @ that lady like she forgot to take her meds :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Melo

September 15th, 2009
2:15 pm

I had some money saved and was also gon to utilize some of my 401k.
The job was clearly making me sick,big time…and it was not good for my health…
The decision to leave clearly was one of the best decisions i have ever made in my lyfe.
I was getting nowhere in terms of growth and i cldnt interview nor apply for jobs,even on breaks,while on that job.It was in credit card operations.I cldnt even talk on the cell,like go out for a minute to get a call..
Any of u who have wrked in production/operations type positions in a bank(back operations) will know BUT here i was,an MBA-finance grad,hot with investment job type ambitions!
I just had to get outa there and Queen wld have none of it.
Based on how she saw my career go after that intial money crunch,she came to agree with my decision..I have always been open with her about my job and career stuff,desires, happenings etc so she kinda now understands where i stand andwhere i wanana end up..
I feel that that was a big test of our marriage..

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
2:15 pm

@Blog & Wise Diva

I have to give everyone props for staying on topic THIS long….this has got to be a record in the 4 years that I have read this blog…

@ kimmie-livin my life like it’s golden!

This is a free coutry right? I thought so…therefore I can take my time and if a relationship comes down my street cool. I was just making an observation from what my friend was going thru….geesh….

@Dan

Dont let people throw rocks at your throne….people taking shots today lolol

Wings()

September 15th, 2009
2:15 pm

@ Kym – That would be a bad actor………..someone who is on the TEAM won’t be a non contributor….bottom line…if my husband/man became unemployed, someday’s I might have to hold it up, but Imma expect him to a least hold it down…..

Bad actors are in relationship roles that they can’t play…..rehersal for these parts starts prior to marraige….you gotta talk some of this stuff out before the curtains go up!

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:16 pm

Kym, im saying if you THAT depressed just go around smacking people so you can get fired and at least get that unemployment check. Quitting just effs it up for everyone

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:17 pm

agg- Like when a broad says “i dont want anything for christmas/birthday/anniversary” you cant listen to that even if that broad was a muslim that was orphaned and never married.<– YOU BETTER PREACH!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: @ the muslim that was orphaned & never married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:17 pm

Melo I see what you saying and where you coming from and all circumstances are different. Appreciate the clarification too.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:19 pm

i dont want anything for christmas/birthday/anniversary”

Since you put it that way…LOL

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
2:19 pm

M dot – And I was just commenting on YOUR post on a public blog! Geesh!

Last time I checked it was a free country and any post was fair game to comment on.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
2:21 pm

I would never leave one job without having another, but I need the security of that. For some people, that fire won’t get lit until they place ALL their chips on the table.

If my husband had a job that was clearly detrimental to his health and he thought he could rebound with that weight off his shoulder I’d support him. I’d be a nervous wreck the whole time tho.

My father left a high paying job to start his own business. With the uncertainly of such a venture, it really is like the same thing. No guarantee that the business would thrive.

Wings()

September 15th, 2009
2:21 pm

@ Melo – That was team work!

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
2:21 pm

@Aggwitty you really cant collect unemployment if you get fired. You would have to prove that it is for a valid work related reason. Smacking people..will get you a case and no unemployment.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
2:22 pm

quitting your job before you have a new one is one of those things

thats like saying to an investor,dont put ur money in stocks,invest in cds or TIPS

Fopr some with little or no ambition,playing it safe is the weay to go.But smetimes when u have big ideas to move forward, u gotta take risk,even with ur lyfe.
Bill Gates left Harvard(is it Stanford) to start Microsoft and his dad even disagreed with him..There was no assuarance that wld pan out…Look at him now!
The same is true of folks who go all the way to LA or NY to start looking for acting or investment bank type jobs.
My situation was in no way different. If u seeking smething more deserving of u,quit playing it safe!

Bibay

September 15th, 2009
2:22 pm

aggwitty- add to that a “Crazy” check for going around slapping folks! Any little bit helps.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
2:25 pm

@kimmie-livin my life like it’s golden!

Yup and Im glad we have this freedom…

I was saying my post from a precautionary perspective…for example if I am driving and see a nissan broke down on the freeway and if I am looking for a new car this weekend…Ill be a little bit more cautious with Nissan because what I saw…

Lesson-Learn from others mistakes and save yourself some grief… :)

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
2:25 pm

Melo – I have totally been in your situation! I had a job like that and cried every day before I had to go. You had money saved and you took a chance. When I was in that situation, I lucked out. I applied online, took a day off from work to go to the interview and got an offer from the 1st company I applied for.

I worked around a lot of miserable people who allowed fear to keep them there and miserable for a major portion of their lives. A major motivator is that I did not want to end up like them! I was treated like dirt and had the same credentials that you had. If I had not gotten out then, I would have probably been fired eventually.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:26 pm

M dot who’s taking shots?

Wings()

September 15th, 2009
2:27 pm

@Melo – In relationships people get to make the rules and decide which ones to break and as long as a couple does it together(in agreement) that’s all that matters. “How can two walk together unless they agree”?

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
2:29 pm

You don’t collect SSI for slapping people either.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
2:30 pm

But M dot, do you not investigate the situation first. If I owned a BMW and dogged it out, did not get the proper maintenance and let it run out of gas, the problem is not the BMW, it me, the owner that drives it.

We sometimes wreck a good relationship situation because of our carelessness.

Wings()

September 15th, 2009
2:31 pm

@Raqi – Your 2:30 Yes!

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:32 pm

Melo using bill gates and folks chasing the acting dreams is disingenuous because like I said, those rules fly out the window if its just you. Bill Gates wasnt married and had no one that relied on his paycheck, 98.99% of folks who chase that hollywood/broadway dream are also unencumbered by life,relationships.

I am glad your decision ultimately panned out, but acting as if your wife was a maniac for being pissed is a little less than honest when you put it in full context of what happpened. Saying that her getting fired was a blessing is even more insane in my eyes. Thats some old school eye for an eye type justice.

aggwitty

September 15th, 2009
2:33 pm

Kym, as you will see my posts can be a bit hyperbolic. While you may not be able to get unemployment for slapping people you absolutely can’t get it if you quit. My point was for him to just get fired and not quit so he could get that unemployment that he paid into.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
2:34 pm

M dot – I feel you. And I was speaking from a different angle, actually. I’ve dealt with 2 guys that were heavily influenced by their friends. They had friends that were either in miserable marriages or single in major player mode. Needless to say, whatever I did was never good enough because these dudes kept listening to their tired friends. Birds of a feather… It’s not fair that I have to pay for someone else’s bad situation.

I now pay close attention to the friends of who I date. My current SO is widowed, but it seemed he had a good marriage. All of his friends are either in seemingly happy marriages or relationships. One is getting a divorce, but he never speaks ill of his soon to be ex.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
2:34 pm

@ Raqi

When I said taking shots, I was referring to Kimmie’s 1:36 pm post to Dan.

Also you are right about your analogy to but also sometimes we just get stuck with a Lemon…something looked good but it wasnt all it was cracked up to be..

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:35 pm

Raqi- I would think so..

M(DOT)- How old are you?

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
2:37 pm

agg- Your 2:32 Melo is right on point!

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
2:38 pm

@kimmie-livin my life like it’s golden!

Good point when you said “I now pay close attention to the friends of who I date”. I said that on this blog 3 weeks ago about how important it is to pay attention to their friends but also how much TIME they spend with them…Sometimes others ideas and views can get imprinted upon you easily…

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
2:39 pm

@Kym- He wasn’t tied to your destiny…..imagine if you had really hooked up with dude….

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
2:39 pm

M dot – I was not taking shots at Dan, just stating my opinion. I also don’t think Dan needs you to speak for him. Dan & I disagree on here quite a bit, but that’s what it is, disagreement, not taking shots.

Wings() ( Nitrogen)

September 15th, 2009
2:41 pm

M. (pronounced M dot) – that analogy was more like a bad egg. Lol

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
2:42 pm

@Lioness

Is that necessary? Im old enough and single with no kids.

@kimmie-livin my life like it’s golden!

I was just answering RAQI’s question.