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Can You Be My Co-Star?

I haven’t watched Oprah’s interview with Whitney Houston in it’s entirety yet, but I saw a portion of it. I believe Oprah asked if her ex-husband, Bobby Brown was ever jealous of her success.  Houston paused for a moment before answering yes, but she mentioned that when her career skyrocketed, he was supportive. Her career and success took center stage and he took on the role of protector and supportive husband, and she loved that.

When we discussed single successful women,  I noticed that the new male-female relationship dynamic is probably completely new territory. Many of us grew up with our fathers’ career and ambitions taking center stage.

So how would a couple navigate the whole new world of being more versatile and flexible to the modern-day circumstances?

Ladies, are you meeting or dating men that would feel comfortable with your career taking center stage?  I honestly think that men would be willing to be supportive for the right woman.

Do you think it is possible to have an equal and loving partnership if the woman is the “leading lady” and her man is in the supporting role?

I know that men often say that loyalty and support is an absolute must in their woman. Are men able to provide the same to women when her career is red hot?  What part of being the co-star instead of the star of the show would bother you? How can women help to make this dynamic work for you?

286 comments Add your comment

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
8:55 am

Happy Tuesday!

To be completely honest, I wouldn’t WANT my career to take center stage. That’s not what I want out of this life. And if it came down to me chosing family over career (cuz often focus on one comes at the expense of another) I’d chose my family, including exiting the work force.

I don’t know…this whole modern day family is a bit foreign to me. My dad worked, my mom stayed at home and that’s just how it is. My mom had to go back to work when I was in HS and no one in the family was happier with that decision.

In terms of the dating world, I meet men who are more on the traditional side. Not all of them are down with their woman staying at home, but they all believe that the man should be the primary breadwinner.

Wings () (Love Is The Most Excellent Way)

September 15th, 2009
9:23 am

Good Morning All!

The only thing that I wanted when I was the Star was love and support.

The most important thing that I gave when I was the Co-Star was love and support.

Have a Great Day!

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 15th, 2009
9:34 am

I can be your co-star but not your b!tch.. I could never be the ole lap dogg kinda dude, henpecked beyond belief. I will still wear these pants in the relationship. Im just a Man’s Man and would never be put in a skirt, I dont care if you are Oprah or Whitney..

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
9:41 am

I think this dynamic can work if one thing is kept (RESPECT) and one thing is left out (EGO’S). We all witnessed how things can happen when ego’s get out of control. People love power and power trips. I think a guy can be 100% onboard with the co-star role but I think they GOT to know that they are respected by you. The interesting thing is that this can be defined differently in each circumstance, therefore you both have to remain in constant communication to ensure that there is an above average level of respect.

An example is a friend of mine is working on an MBA and not working but his girlfriend is an OBGYN with her own practice. We were discussing home theatres and he made a comment about chairs that were really expensive and right in front of us she goes “that’s great and maybe you can get a job also”. That was a disrespectful attack in front of us that was unnecessary. She probably thought nothing of it but I know he didnt like that….All in all…the RESPECT has to be there or this will not work.

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
9:43 am

Three Words Daily – Laughter’s great medicine.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
9:51 am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, M’. HOPE THE DAY BRINGS YOU JOY AND MUCH LAUGHTER!

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
9:52 am

Happy Birthday M’Karyl!!! Enjoy your day! :D :D :D

Kym

September 15th, 2009
9:52 am

Good Morning All,

Wisey, I agree with you I think a guy would be able to be supportive if the spotlight is not on him. Alot of couples get along fine when the traditional roles are reversed.

I really believe it is possible to have a great career and a successful relationship so long as EGO is out and support is geniune.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
10:00 am

Some situations are hard to say when you have not had to go thru it.

One of my favorite movies in The Coal Miner’s Daughter. In that movie not only was Mr. Lynn a great supporter of his wife’s singing career but he was the one that encouraged her to pursue it in the first place. While watching the movie you see where he took care of home, bathed the kiddies as well as being her manager however there still was scene where you can tell the balance kinda got off.

But you know I think that situation with Mr. and Mrs. Lynn is one of the exceptions. And the exceptions being the entertainment business. You are talking a person that is bringing in millions which I do think would be easier for any man or woman to adjust to and enjoy the ride.

In my present day position I don’t know personally of too many men that do not get joy and comfort out of taking care of the family. Even when the salaries closely match he can still find solace in taking care of his family.

Right now my marido brings in more money but we coexist in this relationship. It’s not all about him or all about me. It’s about us. We put what we have together and make it work for us. I couldn’t tell how my husband would act if I was suddenly in a position where my job dominated the balance in our financial situation. He may take it a lot better than what I imagine. But as it stands we are each other’s co-stars, supporting rocks in this act of life.

I know, I am going off on a different type of Co-starring role but hey yall know me.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
10:01 am

Happy Birthday M’.

Melo

September 15th, 2009
10:04 am

“that’s great and maybe you can get a job also

Happy birthday M.

ur quote above is exactly what trips most female stars i.e. lack of tact!
Otherwise,co-starring wld not be a problem.
A man or woman that pushes up their chest to try and validate that they are the real deal in this joint aint all that.
That is where co-starring becomes a problem for a man.
The greatest diss a female can do to a man is when there are others around!.

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
10:11 am

M-Dot – The gf in your example was very disrespectful. And though there is undoubtedly more to their story, that was a body blow. Those hurt bad.

MS.M.B

September 15th, 2009
10:13 am

I don’t think my man would mind if my career took center stage, but I wouldn’t want it to. I care more about my family, than a job. Yes, we are in a recession, but you can find another job someday. Maybe not now, but you can find one. You can’t replace family.

Kym

September 15th, 2009
10:13 am

Happy Birthday MKaryl.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
10:14 am

Otherwise,co-starring wld not be a problem.

Well melo, homie SHOULD have a job tho. *files nails* :lol:

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
10:25 am

Its NOT my birthday…I think you guys got me confused. Its all good.

She was foul and the think was respect has no color its all around. She is indian but still should have known better.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
10:26 am

M dot that sounds like the reaction from a woman that is fed up with an overload of prior situations. Has your friend made it habit of spending money on expensive items without consulting his lady first, being that she is the one carrying the load? In many household where the couples have a good working financial system it is agreed upon that purchases of a certain nature as well as those over a certain amount get put on the table for discussion. He should not have made that statement in front of you all knowing his is not footing the bill. Or even half of it.

If that is something he does quite often I can understand her frustration.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
10:30 am

Good Mornting lovely blog people!

I listened to parts of that Whitney interview on V103. She said it got to the point where she tried to downplay her success, dim her own star. That’s sad. In the past, I’ve found myself doing the same even though the guy I was seeing was doing well in his own light. Whitney and Oprah agreed a man has to have his own. I’ve always said over the years to my friends that Whitney & Bobby would have been better off if Bobby concentrated on his own career more. He, while certainly no “Whitney”, is talented in his own right. There would have been less time for drugs, booze, whatever. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop, I truly believe.

RESPECT is paramount for ANY relationship to work, and in special situation such as the woman being the major breadwinner, even more care should be taken. Me & Melo hit a little on this yesterday. Most men are not going to be comfortable giving up that “power”. It takes a very special man to not want to be center stage, but I don’t care if she’s got Oprah money & power & he is a 7th grade social studies teacher, he should still be respected as the head of household the family. He should be able to carry himself as the man of the house, worthy of that respect also.

And as to M.’s friend having a job or not while he’s working on his MBA, that is so not the point. Dissing your SO in front of others is always wrong on so many levels!

Page1908- Certified Charger Girl

September 15th, 2009
10:30 am

I think a man having an issue with the woman having a staring role in the relationship simply has to do with the man’s insecurities. There are plenty of insecure men. I know several of them!

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
10:32 am

@Raqi…Coexisting

Nope…They are just dating and we were discussing home theatre ideas…I think she just used that as a chance to take a cheap shot at my friend. This guy is not hurting for money…He paid for his MBA program in cash but that’s neither here nor there…she just dealt with this the at the wrong time and place…

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
10:33 am

Good Morning All,

Well melo, homie SHOULD have a job tho<– I AGREE!!

Page1908- Certified Charger Girl

September 15th, 2009
10:33 am

Kimmie- I agree. Sometimes people like to out others down to make themselves feel better. People do it all the time.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
10:33 am

SexyCool while it may have been disrespectful I bet you there were some issues already lingering. And that particularly situation could have been her attempt after several others to make him feel what he is doing to her.

I just don’t see a woman going off like that unless she is already not liking the dude.

Leggs

September 15th, 2009
10:39 am

Good morning everyone!

Do you think it is possible to have an equal and loving partnership if the woman is the “leading lady” and her man is in the supporting role? Of course! Love, support and respect are a few components of any successful relationship. Who has “center stage” shouldn’t be a thought, a mindset. Both parties should be working together and the light shines on both. Not 3/4 on one person and 1/4 on the other. One light on both!

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
10:40 am

M dot I don’t see someone hitting that low just for no reason. If she has that much disdain for the guy and his situation why are they even dating?

I know you can’t answer that but I bet you there are some other issues going on.

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
10:42 am

I agree with Raqi. The Doc sounds like she is over dude talking about doing big thing with her moohlah. If there is not a pattern of her always talking down to him, and this was an out of the blue comment. Yeah she is pissed about something.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
10:45 am

doing big thing with her moohlah<– Or with NO money.. That would annoy me too!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

September 15th, 2009
10:48 am

Morning Ya’ll!

M Dot – dayum that was disrespectful as hell and I agree w Raqi, got to be something else going on there.

Kimmie – agreeing with your 10:30

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
10:48 am

Its NOT my birthday…I think you guys got me confused. Its all good

No you are confused. We aren’t talking to you, M.

Kym-take my homework please!!

September 15th, 2009
10:50 am

@M. is dude independantly wealthy? Does he have a trust fund? Student loans? How is he supporting himself? Does he owe her money? Just cause he is your friend doesnt mean he tells you everything he is doing. If he is pinching her pennies then of course he is not hurting for cash. There is more to the story. Granted she could have said it a different way..but who knows what popped off before they met up with you. If they live together and she come home from work only to find him sitting around in sweatspants and t-shirts playing on Facebook, she might be feeling pissy about it. Lots of factors. <<<where is the rest of the story.

abc

September 15th, 2009
10:52 am

Career should not be #1 for either partner, and should not take center stage for either. What takes center stage is them as a couple. If not, I figure the marriage is not likely to survive perceptions, from within and without, that one is somehow less than the other.

I think it’s great that President Obama called Kanye West out on the awards thing. Outstanding!

SexyCool - Still waters run deep.

September 15th, 2009
10:54 am

Prayers for Demi. Send him some support.

AmazonRed™ - yay Pats, *sigh* Raiders

September 15th, 2009
10:54 am

And as to M.’s friend having a job or not while he’s working on his MBA, that is so not the point. Dissing your SO in front of others is always wrong on so many levels!

kimmie – You’re right. I got point, I was just messing w/ melo. :lol:

Cuz even if he had a job, she probably would have disrespected him about something else.

Deeva4Life

September 15th, 2009
10:55 am

M. – that move ole girl pulled was low down. There is a time and a place to address those type issues…in front of his friends isn’t one of them. That is a sure fire way to get dismissed…lol I’ve had girlfriends who have pulled stunts like that with their husbands/boyfriends and it always amazes me how they could be so disrespectful. There were many times when I’d be upset with my ex-husband about something he did or said, but I dealt with him when it was just the two of us…in front of others wasn’t my choice.

Page1908- Certified Charger Girl

September 15th, 2009
10:57 am

lol @ sitting around in a tshirt and sweatpants.

Page1908- Certified Charger Girl

September 15th, 2009
10:59 am

what happened to Demi?

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
11:03 am

Kym- :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Ole girl is DONE with dude cause she has NO respect for him!

It is TOUGH dealing with a man that has an excuse as to why he can’t do any better with himself especially when you are busting your tail doing what you have to do. I have been there before but NEVER disrespected dude in front of ppl but sure have said some mean things to him in private BUT there was a WHOLE LOT MORE going on that contributed to me being that way..

Tiff

September 15th, 2009
11:04 am

This topic brings to mind that new reality show House Husbands. In one episode the husband is getting on his wife about spending $1k on lunches almost daily. Her response is along the lines of “Are you really yelling at me about MY money?” Hilarious. Its situations like that which make it hard for men I think.

Prayers going up for Demi.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
11:08 am

Tiff- Do you not think the dude puts himself in that position & should play his position?

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
11:09 am

That is a sure fire way to get dismissed

She is the one bringing in ALL the money therefore paying ALL the bills. Heck how he gonna dismiss her.

Raqi...Coexisting

September 15th, 2009
11:09 am

Yeah Kym and the fact that they are only dating makes it worse. I bet she would not reacted that way if he had just said he was going to buy groceries. But even in M dot’s post he made it known that dude was talking about reaching deep in his girl friend’s pocket to buy a home entertainment theater. Does she even want those expensive chairs?

Anon B.

September 15th, 2009
11:16 am

Preach!—>She is the one bringing in ALL the money therefore paying ALL the bills. Heck how he gonna dismiss her.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
11:20 am

M(DOT)- I wanna know the answers to some of Kym’s questions.. :lol: :lol:

Tiff

September 15th, 2009
11:22 am

@ Lioness According to the show..he was/is an aspiring actor and they decided he would stay at home to take care of the new baby (couple’s first child). Since it was a mutual decision I wouldn’t say he placed himself in that position per se but that shouldn’t negate her being more cognizant of how she spends “household” funds. That is a pretty penny to spend on lunh when you have a child’s future to consider IMO. So I understood his position..she didn’t seem to though.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 15th, 2009
11:22 am

Im back had a meeting

@Kym-take my homework please!!

Ive known him longer than her and he isn’t struggling..He used to work on Wall Street so that’s neither here nor there.

I think it may be a factor that she is alot older than him and who knows maybe set in her ways. Someone asked the question why they are dating…but it’s common in indian culture to work through alot of stuff that other cultures will dismiss you for EVEN IN DATING. According to him, they are sticking it out mainly because on paper, they are a great fit and have a great chance to get married because the cultures, the religion, and the families all match up perfectly. She is just a little bit older (by 7 years) so all in all maybe she is a control freak!? But that was disrespectful and I expected more from her.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 15th, 2009
11:22 am

It is TOUGH dealing with a man that has an excuse as to why he can’t do any better with himself especially when you are busting your tail doing what you have to do.

Lioness – I agree with this if he is typical Joe Bum that always has an excuse for not holding down a job. But dude IS working on his MBA, that M. said he’s paid for with cash. No loans. Yet it is obvious there is more to the story though.

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
11:24 am

Tiff- Ok.. Never seen the show.. It just boils down to the amount of respect the couple has for one another

Lioness-

September 15th, 2009
11:28 am

M(DOT)- These are Indian Folks??? WOW!! Homegirl is gangsta!!

Deeva4Life

September 15th, 2009
11:30 am

@ Raqi – easy! I don’t know the dealings of their relationship but I would guess (like most relationships) it’s about respect. At the end of the day whether she has “Oprah money” or two nickels to rub she was disrespectful and most guys aren’t going to deal with that type behavior. As you stated, it’s obvious there are other components to the story for her little outburst, but for me it’s a respect factor.

abc

September 15th, 2009
11:32 am

Yall get too wrapped up with the career/occupation/earning power thing. A man’s wisdom and judgement aren’t specific to his occupation. A career or occupation shouldn’t be the definitive aspect of a person. Try this: describe what it is you do, but don’t mention your occupation. How much do you have to say? That would be a better measure, in my opinion, than listing degrees, certifications, and job status.

Another way to look at it would be to compare a janitor with a corporate executive. If they both go home and sit on their butt and drink, they’re both drunken bums; if they get off of work and pursue the arts, volunteer with disabled adults, participate in conservation projects, take interest in, learn about and value history, what’s the real difference between them? A car, a house, type of shoes? What’s important, then, and what is superficial?