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A Guy Thing?

I will never forget the crazy night I had with a guy I was seeing. We were preparing to leave his house and head to a concert together. As we were backing out the driveway an ex-fling was on the front sidewalk looking a little upset (read: crazy). She wanted to know why he hadn’t called, or returned her calls/messages/emails.

In that kind of situation, a man really has two options: be upfront and give full disclosure on who the woman was, or drive off and pretend she wasn’t really standing there yelling. Which one do you think he chose?  Well, he thought he would just avoid her until the evening was over.

Obviously this didn’t work, and of course minutes later she began calling him.  Why do most guys avoid confrontation of breaking up? Is it just a guy thing, though? Is it hard for women to be the one that calls the time of death on the relationship?

I know a couple of guys that will act like a complete blockhead so that the woman will have no choice but to end things. They would rather do this then explain that she is not the right one for him. Ladies, have you ever experienced this before? Have you ever dated a man who avoided confrontation? Did you call him on it or cut your losses? Have you ever been the one to avoid confrontation in a relationship?

Guys, do you think that some men are like kids and think that men do what women let them do? Is that another way to let a man be a man? Do you think men push the limits to see what they can get away with when it comes to relationships? How would a woman handle a man who is doing that in a dating relationship? Should she stand her ground and let him know he crossed the line?

458 comments Add your comment

Compelling

September 11th, 2009
11:08 am

Or Lauryn Hill’s Ex-Factor….man that’s my song. :-)

Blow Me

September 11th, 2009
11:09 am

WOW! You guys are into pop ups! I don’t want NOBODY poppin up by my house. Its just a form of respect. I pay the bills so you need to inform me when you are on the way. I even want my mother to call me first out of courtesy to tell me she is on the way. I don’t pop up at anyone house…really. Except for GRANDMA! LOL!

Dan

September 11th, 2009
11:10 am

@Lioness

Restraining orders are jokes when people can’t decide if they want the person around or not. But when used properly, they are proper deterrents.

EX 1: Girl shows up (with RO on her) on Tuesday but guy still wants something from her and don’t call the cops. Thereafter, she figures it’s okay to stop by as she pleases.

EX 2: Guy shows up (with RO on him) on Tuesday and girl wants nothing to do with guy, she calls the cops; tells them about the RO and he’s arrested.

In the example as in real life, going down and getting booked for violating an order of protection (I think an “E” felony) is enough for most people. Continued violations and the penalties get stiffer.

Dream_n

September 11th, 2009
11:10 am

Question : Why is it ALWAYS called a confrontation & not a conversation?

I likes :)

It starts off as a conversation but ultimately ends in confrontation… idk

I have come to the conclusion that “some” men aren’t man enough to deal with certain aspects of the relationship… They can deal with you cleaning, cooking, shopping (for the house), letting them have their friends over to watch footbal games (again cooking for them), being intimate, and listening to them cry about how they would’ve won that basketball game had he not caught a “charlie horse in his leg”, but anything else involving our feelings and needs in brain surgerey… WTF…

Nate

September 11th, 2009
11:11 am

I just searched by second wife’s name on Facebook and when I saw her picture, I realized she’s still the love of my life … not my third and current wife. Oh well. Still stinks to be me.

Dream_n

September 11th, 2009
11:12 am

but anything else involving our feelings and needs IS brain surgerey… WTF…

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
11:14 am

seriously! omg i had a long post, but i guess it got lost

Ok, why do men act surprised when a woman “catches feelings”? why do men act surprised when a woman get’s emotional, cries or whatever? you do what you need to do, like play the game, for what? to get the panties, right? let’s be honest here. so you get the panties, then all of a sudden “oh i ain’t feeling her like that. she is too emotional or wants to be with me”. Dan are you serious? so at your agem even you don’t know yet what sex means to a woman? Ummmm ok, we talk about it 24/7 on this blog! now, all of a sudden because she doesn’t tell you, you don’t know? Yeah OK. then when she gets emotional or catches feelings, you want to put her down, like it’s her fault for just being who she is, which is a WOMAN.

men want to tell women that their nappy dugout is not gold, yet they play games just to get it. so, if you know then, why do you continue to get yourself in these type of situations TIME AND TIME AGAIN? c’mon people.

Inhale Sexy. Exhale Cool.

September 11th, 2009
11:15 am

Ex 3: Whomever shows up (with RO on them), shoots the sht outta of the one who got the restraining order.

Channel 2 News Lead In Story – An Atlanta resident was shot and killed by an estranged lover today in Midtown (or wherever). Police have reported that a restraining order was issued last Thursday in what had been an ongoing series of incidents between the two individuals. Film at 11.

Grace

September 11th, 2009
11:17 am

Mmkay! Nate, WOW
preach! Page tell it like it T I is!

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
11:17 am

ok thanks Mike Jones. i’ll try it again. i also found one on live365.

Leggs

September 11th, 2009
11:17 am

@Nate, unbelievable. See, some ppl just ask for trouble (even if it’s intangible). Why even look up your ex-wife’s name. Your third wife isn’t the love of your life. Just sad.

Dan

September 11th, 2009
11:18 am

@Page

I wasn’t talking about me.

I know (in part thanks to the blog and the women in my life), what sex means to a female. Which is why I’m about “informed consent”. If all I’m after is sex, it is incumbent upon me as a man to let [her] know that and make the decision pre-coitus.

Making that statement after the “song has been sung” is cowardly, wrong, deserving of scorn (and whatever else), and technically “theft by deception” (should a woman ever argue that in court – she’d win).

Nate

September 11th, 2009
11:19 am

And, that Morgan Marr in the fashion shoot on AJC.com today looks mighty nice. All y’all who throw stones … it don’t matta to me one l’il bit.

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
11:20 am

LOL Grace, i mean c’mon. I am on a “Staceye-like” tangent today for real. lol. *note to self: stop hanging around Staceye so much*. LOLOL

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
11:23 am

LOL SexyCool. Yep.

Lioness- The Glass of Merlot Called, I Answered then Went to Sleep

September 11th, 2009
11:23 am

Taz- I am a worrier as well but I have learned just what you did that some guys are just trifling.. :???: Their loss NOT MINE!!!

Compell- That song is the TRUTH!!! No need to play mind games.. For WHAT?? Tell me what the deal is, I will respect your biyatch tail & keep it moving! Once again, it is THEIR LOSS NOT MINE :razz:

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
11:25 am

Page guys like that want the benefits of our soft and mushy without the soft and mushiness of us.

It’s a package deal.

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
11:27 am

Dan- What I am saying is that men act so surprised when the woman becomes “emotional, catches feelings, etc”. My question is why???? Do men not know the distinct differences between men and women? Do men not know that for women sex is emotional? If men know this, and they decide to “hit it”, then why do you get so surprised that when you decide to “quit it”, the woman becomes emotional? If a woman has a period (or even if she doesn’t), then she will be emotional about certain things. What is so wrong about this? What is so wrong about being emotional?

I, for one, will never apologize for being a woman in every sense of the word. If a man cannot accept both the pluses and minuses that come with being a woman, then get with a MAN! If you want someone to handle things the same way a man does, then get with a man. Don’t act surprised when a woman is a woman. seriously.

Lioness- The Glass of Merlot Called, I Answered then Went to Sleep

September 11th, 2009
11:27 am

Dan- Restraining orders are jokes when people can’t decide if they want the person around or not. But when used properly, they are proper deterrents.<– REALLY?? I think 80% of the people killed by their SO had restraining orders.. THEY DON'T WORK!!! They are a necessity for the cops to take you seriously when you call asking them for help..

Tazzee - holding on until 12/30/09

September 11th, 2009
11:29 am

want the benefits of our soft and mushy without the soft and mushiness of us.

I like that Raqi.

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
11:30 am

I agree Raqi.

I feel that men put women down and label them as “emotional”, “clingy”, “needy”, and “too sensitive”. So, to me, the opposite of these qualities, is what? a MAN, right?

Dream_n

September 11th, 2009
11:31 am

Darn Page:

I think you ran the guys away… there we go again getting emotinal!!! and look again no explanation why they left.. lmao!!!

Grace

September 11th, 2009
11:31 am

Page because some men are COWARDS. PERIOD.

Inhale Sexy. Exhale Cool.

September 11th, 2009
11:31 am

Page – You are on some good sht today! Rock it, CaliGirl!!

Bow chicka wow wow!

Lioness- The Glass of Merlot Called, I Answered then Went to Sleep

September 11th, 2009
11:32 am

Now, I don’t think the sex part is the issue, it is ALL THE LIES being told in order TO get the cupcake.. If you just want sex, say it! Don’t text message me telling me you miss me & can’t wait to see me if you only want SEX! KEEP IT REAL!! Give us the option to take it or LEAVE IT! If we take it, then go home we are done & you won’t have to worry about no one getting emotional

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
11:33 am

If all I’m after is sex

Dan you do know there are women out there that get paid to be that nonemotional just for sex woman some of you guys so earnestly desire.

Lioness- The Glass of Merlot Called, I Answered then Went to Sleep

September 11th, 2009
11:33 am

Dream- :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Grace- I agree!

Elijah

September 11th, 2009
11:34 am

Let’s face it some women hear what they want to hear, you might state this is not working, I am done with the relationship. Then the woman would say why are you done with the relationship.

Now you need closure, that is not closure because I have given all you the reasons the relationship is not working in the past! Why do you need to hear them again?

I have been guilty in the past of not completely closing that door in a relationship because the poonany was very good! :smile:

What’s up Ms. Kym? Queen of practical common sense logic! :wink:

Kym

September 11th, 2009
11:36 am

@Sexy Cool unfortunate situation..but again the order was there to hopefully make the lover back off. Police can not sit outside your door 24/7 365 until Smokey gets the hint. Like Raqi’s friend you have to find an alternative way(that is legal). Our justice system has flaws..but the police can’t go around arresting folks(although they do quite a bit at times) with nothing to back up the arrest.

Kym

September 11th, 2009
11:39 am

What up Elijah?? Why did I just hear my granny singing that song when I typed that..Elijah Rock..Shout Shout.

leeh1

September 11th, 2009
11:40 am

I’m not sure what the problem is. The relatinship is over when the man (or woman) stops communicating. Most women won’t let go, they want to analyse everything to death, they want to throw blame around and they want to make big scenes and stage a play, preferably in front of other women.

It’s over. If he doesn’t return your phone calls, its over. Quit stalking him on his new dates and quit being needy and quit demanding his attention- that’s probably what killed the relationship in the first place.

Too many women want the last word and the last definitive answer. There isn’t a last word. It’s just over. Go look for someone else, or get a small dog.

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
11:40 am

Thanks, ladies. I guess I just get tired of men putting women down and labeling women for qualities that we are born with. Those qualities are what make us different and men and women. I happen to like that we are both distinctly different in nature, that is the way it was meant to be when we were put on this earth. woman are made to feel like we cannot express ourselves for fear of being labeled emotional or whatever, when to me, so what?

How many times, on this blog, no less, have we heard dudes come on and talk about how they were messin with ole girl, but then she got crazy or psycho and all of a sudden they were not on the same page? the woman wanted more, but the dude “wasn’t feeling it like that”. YET, dude still wants to have sex with her, but doesn’t want to accept the consequences that come along with it? then, if that’s not bad enough, label her and put her down for catching feelings or whatever? this is dumb to me. i can’t understand and it doesn’t seem like any of the “men” are answering my questions. maybe they can’t scratch their ballz and type at the same time. *shrugs*

Melo

September 11th, 2009
11:42 am

What is so wrong about this? What is so wrong about being emotional?

Page, u dont have to apologise to be a woman. Nothing wrong with being emotional, guys know that.

That is why us GUYS, tune u out…dissappear coz uall act emotional.

We better of not getting a case!
NOW,do uall understand or u still want confrontation and explanation 4 our moves?? :lol:

Leggs

September 11th, 2009
11:42 am

“Or get a small dog.” Too funny cuz if you got a big dog you might get to thinking of doing a drive by with a bigger dog??? Still funny!

Grace

September 11th, 2009
11:43 am

Lioness I agree with all that you said – KEEP IT REAL :evil:

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
11:44 am

Elijah, if this is happening to you time and time again, then to me, you need to check yourself. find out about these women before you bone them, dude. TALK, Communicate with these women. stop boning women that you know nothing about. stop boning women that you don’t know. stop playing games just to bust one. if you or any other man find that this happens to you repeatedly, then YOU are the common denominator.

Elijah

September 11th, 2009
11:47 am

@Lioness….. Bite your tongue! You know after you had three big face squiting, teeth nashing, body exploding O’s you will look at him differently! :lol: Since when have women been able to seperate sex from emotions?

@Kym can you answer that? :smile:

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
11:47 am

Melo, do u actually think I care? if you decide to “disappear” because a woman get’s emotional, then why even bother? because u wanna have sex, right? go ahead and disappear, but when the woman says she doesn’t want to have sex with you, don’t complain. remember, women are emotional and need to have feelings and emotions to have sex with you. Guess what? if she doesn’t feel that, trust you will NOT be boning dude. you really think you are doing something by “disappearing and tuning women out”? Ok, I’ll let you think that, dude. seriously.

Chink

September 11th, 2009
11:47 am

Maybe its me but I hate when a guy asks me if I need more space? I mean isnt that some reverse psychology crap? Then I say do you need space and they act like its me??? I mean really Guys dont know how to break up properly with someone especially if they dont want to break up for the long term “just a short hiatus” Not!

You have to communicate theres no way around it. If you want to just have fun dont let the fun last for years because that sounds like a relationship…short term goals = short term results

Ms. Main

September 11th, 2009
11:50 am

Just like No means No. It’s over means It’s over, hit the bricks, kick rocks, vamp, bounce, adios, holla…etc. BEAT IT!

LOLOLOL

Page1908 you are sooo on point today, esp that 10:55 post

For me, I don’t agree with how men handle breakups but have come to understand men are fickle. When they’ve reached the end of their tryst they’ll exit by any means necessary (i.e. lie, ghost, cheat). What I don’t get though is when you start your quest to exist, why do you think you have it where you can back track? I’m VERY prideful, NO PROBLEM DUDE you want it you got it and it might hurt like heck but I’ll never look back and even if it takes me down (but not out) you’ll never know. That, I’ll NEVER understand. If you was unhappy or too confined or too smothered or whatever your reasons, what good will a do-over do?

Lioness- The Glass of Merlot Called, I Answered then Went to Sleep

September 11th, 2009
11:51 am

A LAME dudes are going to ignore phonecalls, call the woman too emotional to his buddies & keep on living his lame life as if the world revolves around his feelings & his feelings only.

A REAL dude is going to respect the woman’s feeling, let her know what the deal is & hear her out if she has anything to say about it.

Overall, it depends on the amount of time the two have been together, how they met etc that determines how much explanation is needed…

Dream_n

September 11th, 2009
11:51 am

I have aquick question for the guys.. well those who are left *side eyes Page* lol

Is it all women that you can’t handle emotionally or is it just the women you date…. ie: your sis, mom…. Are you able to handle them???

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
11:52 am

Chink I learned long time ago that there are certain things that you do not say to or tell a man because he will twist it to his advantage and make it seem like it was you that wanted it that way or initiated it. And Yes that goes for my husband too. He ain’t exempt because he stillz a man.

Dream_n

September 11th, 2009
11:52 am

Since when have women been able to seperate sex from emotions:

Since prostitutes came on the scene.. but i digress… :)

Leggs

September 11th, 2009
11:54 am

You guys kill me when you’re come on here acting as though women are weak, full of emotion and can’t see straight cuz they’re sniffing/pining for someone’s dyck. @Elijah – some women are just as doggish as some of you men and they too just want to bust a nut. You guys aren’t the only ones with stock in that marekt!!

Lioness- The Glass of Merlot Called, I Answered then Went to Sleep

September 11th, 2009
11:54 am

Chink- Maybe its me but I hate when a guy asks me if I need more space?<– Never heard that before :???:

Kym

September 11th, 2009
11:55 am

@Elijah Since when have women been able to seperate sex from emotions?

When a woman fully gets pass the sexual hangups of society and has sex for nature of making the beast with two backs.

Yes, Yes, I know folks feel this is impossible. But might I direct your attention to the multi-billion dollar porn industry. Which in the last few years has had an increasing number of women to move from the couch, bed, kitchen table..etc to the boardroom. Could I also direct you to the growing erotic novel industry..where many mainstream authors have made a slight shift too. (Eric Jerome didn’t start out writing erotic thrillers and Zane broke the gate open for quite a few female writers.)

Lioness- The Glass of Merlot Called, I Answered then Went to Sleep

September 11th, 2009
11:55 am

Eli- Since when have women been able to seperate sex from emotions?<– You can't be serious..

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
11:56 am

what good will a do-over do?

Ms.Main he hopes give him a warm cave to lay his dry head.

Dream_n

September 11th, 2009
11:56 am

Eric Jerome (Dickey)

He’s writing erotic novels now???