accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

A Guy Thing?

I will never forget the crazy night I had with a guy I was seeing. We were preparing to leave his house and head to a concert together. As we were backing out the driveway an ex-fling was on the front sidewalk looking a little upset (read: crazy). She wanted to know why he hadn’t called, or returned her calls/messages/emails.

In that kind of situation, a man really has two options: be upfront and give full disclosure on who the woman was, or drive off and pretend she wasn’t really standing there yelling. Which one do you think he chose?  Well, he thought he would just avoid her until the evening was over.

Obviously this didn’t work, and of course minutes later she began calling him.  Why do most guys avoid confrontation of breaking up? Is it just a guy thing, though? Is it hard for women to be the one that calls the time of death on the relationship?

I know a couple of guys that will act like a complete blockhead so that the woman will have no choice but to end things. They would rather do this then explain that she is not the right one for him. Ladies, have you ever experienced this before? Have you ever dated a man who avoided confrontation? Did you call him on it or cut your losses? Have you ever been the one to avoid confrontation in a relationship?

Guys, do you think that some men are like kids and think that men do what women let them do? Is that another way to let a man be a man? Do you think men push the limits to see what they can get away with when it comes to relationships? How would a woman handle a man who is doing that in a dating relationship? Should she stand her ground and let him know he crossed the line?

458 comments Add your comment

ImAPeach404

September 11th, 2009
8:59 am

Guys don’t leave. Period. They just make the situation miserable so the woman will leave.

I firmly believe that it’s so easy for guys to check out of a relationship because they do it mentally way before they do it physically.

I mean, how many times have you seen a woman put her foot down in a long term relationship and dude is like “Oh, aiight. See ya – wouldn’t wanna be ya”? I used to think men had an internal switch to turn off their feelings but thats not the case… It’s that dudes decide in their head that the relationship is over but just stick around waiting for the female to dump them. That way, when all is said and done and she comes crawling back he can pull the ole “You left me, I didn’t leave you” card.

He broke up with you 3 months ago but just forgot to mention it – you know, trying to avoid confrontation….

Kym

September 11th, 2009
9:00 am

Ladies, have you ever experienced this before?

YES!!! Will shoot the enemy but run like hell when asked a simple question.

Have you ever dated a man who avoided confrontation?

YES!!!! See above.

Did you call him on it or cut your losses?

BOTH. Call him out and cut my losses. He’s back again. Its a sick, sad relationship. What can I say.

Have you ever been the one to avoid confrontation in a relationship?

Hmmm yes and no. I normally bring the issue up and then flip so he thinks he is the one that started the whole thing.

AmazonRed™

September 11th, 2009
9:04 am

Happy Friday all –

Lawd…not this topic. Okay…so you are now going to be introduced to AmazonRed’s crazy side.

One of the biggest problems between me and my ex was my desire to talk about things…and his desire to not. I’ve said before that I can deal with “let’s talk about this later.” However, I can NOT deal when later turns into NEVER. That seriously pushes “that button.”

So yes, I have gone through extreme measures to demand that we finally come to some resolution: I’ve gone by the house unannounced (hell, he was my man, sheesh). It probably happened four times. And none of them ended well, but at least it got his attention. :lol:

The only way I can save face with this foolishness is the fact that I was actively involved in the relationship. Not a jilted ex. Once we’re done, I could give a damn, I’m not going to be calling you in the first place, so he won’t have to worry about not returning calls or messages.

Anyway…just keeping it real (stupid). :lol:

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
9:19 am

Do you think that some men are like kids and think that men do what women let them do? Yep

Is that another way to let a man be a man? Ah, no. :roll:

Do you think men push the limits to see what they can get away with when it comes to relationships?Yep

How would a woman handle a man who is doing that in a dating relationship? Don’t put up with it.

Should she stand her ground and let him know he crossed the line? Yep

Random scratching of the ballz is a “guy thing”. Not being man enough to face a woman and tell her it’s not working for him is sheer punkazzery.

ImAPeach404

September 11th, 2009
9:20 am

@ Red – you’re not crazy. If that’s your man and you’re in a relationship… there is no such thing as “popping up unannounced” :)

I wouldn’t care if my man came by unannounced – it’s not like I have anything to hide. However, I wouldn’t advise it b/c there is no telling what you might see when I open the door. Head wrap… cold cream… granny panties… unmade bed… eye boogers…

Mike Jones (who)

September 11th, 2009
9:21 am

Ladies I have to disagree

Some women don’t understand when a man breaks up with them. You can tell them flat out its not working for you and they don’t get it! So that puts us in awkward position. “I told her I don’t want to be with her and she heard me but she isn’t listening”

PLAN B
Get her to do the break up, by doing things she doesn’t like. You don’t want to hurt that person but something has to give…

As far as showing up at my Crib unannounced!!! No Sir!!! I don’t do uninvited guests. She would have to leave, Not now, BUT RIGHT NOW!

AmazonRed™

September 11th, 2009
9:25 am

@ Red – you’re not crazy. If that’s your man and you’re in a relationship… there is no such thing as “popping up unannounced”

Peach – That’s what I told myself at the time too. :lol:

But exactly…you never know what you will find by doing that… and I certainly didn’t sometimes!

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
9:25 am

Peachy I think it is like one of the menfolk said yesterday or the day before, they stick around for the free coital sessions for as long as the woman allows them to even after they have checked out mentally.

Elijah

September 11th, 2009
9:29 am

Gooooooooooooooood Morning Folks!

Where is Ms. Sassy? :smile:

Ladies I have to agree with Mike J. Some women don’t understand when a man breaks up with them. Some women have hard time accepting this relationship is not working. Some women start with you must be seeing someone else comments.

Sometimes we make a mistake and go back and hit it now that is the biggest mistake anyone can make it gives some a reason to think you are still together!

AmazonRed™

September 11th, 2009
9:30 am

Mike Jones, why wouldn’t your girl be welcome in your home? Yes, one should always call first, but I would hope that certain people get a pass from time to time.

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
9:38 am

Peachy and Amazon the “popping up unannounced” was something that I could only take in small doses. It teeters on taking advantage of me IMO. I didn’t require my guy to make an appointment, LOL, or schedule days in advance to come to see me but when he just dropped by I needed a call to say “hey I’m up the street and headed your way” or something of that nature. Don’t just show up all willy nilly as if I don’t have something more important or just as important that I am attending to. And sometimes reading the paper or just having time to myself was just as or more important.

He didn’t always call before coming but apologized once there for not calling when he didn’t. I appreciated the apology.

Mike Jones (who)

September 11th, 2009
9:41 am

ARed
Come on now, you heard the Outkast song. “I’ll call before I come, I won’t just pop over out the bluueeeeee, no after you”
That verse has another meaning but thats a completely different topic. But you get the point!

My girl is definitley welcome in my home. I don’t give passes on that until she gets her own set of keys!

Kym

September 11th, 2009
9:41 am

Sorry but I agree with Mike. Don’t come by my house unannounced.

I kid you not my daddy even calls before he shows up. I am not one of surprise visits and guest. “I just wondered if you were home.” Call first I will let you know if I am home. It is not about having something to hide it is about common courtesy. That mess is rude.

I have only done it once to a guy, and lets just say that was my lesson learned. No he didn’t have a girl there but he let me know in no uncertain terms that it was rude.

Dream_n

September 11th, 2009
9:44 am

Good Morning All!!! (Friday!!! — finally)

Well in my short time of dating (lol). I’ve experienced this… And I have to disagree with the guys on this one also.. I don’t believe that the women don’t understand that you are breaking up with them, I think that “some” men just aren’t straight forward. If you sat a woman down and explained to her that things were not working out and you think that’s its time to end the relationship… I’m pretty sure we would understand what you are trying to convey to us, but if you start ignoring phone calls, not coming by when you say you are, or being just plain disrespectful… We think you’re being an azz…… I’m not saying all men, but some men don’t know how to breeak up b/c the also want to have their cake an eat it too…. They still want to be intimate, but yet not have a full blow relationship anymore… It can’t work that way.. you have to cut all ties..

M' (Casper)

September 11th, 2009
9:45 am

Happy Friday blog…peace!!!!

AmazonRed™

September 11th, 2009
9:45 am

Peachy and Amazon the “popping up unannounced” was something that I could only take in small doses.

Raqi – Trust me, I totally agree. I don’t want ANYONE coming by unannounced. However, it happens. And for family or my guy, I’m not going to kick them out! I will ask them to respect my home and time, but geez, I have to lighten up sometimes too.

Dream_n

September 11th, 2009
9:47 am

My girl is definitley welcome in my home. I don’t give passes on that until she gets her own set of keys!

now that i agree with :)

Leggs

September 11th, 2009
9:48 am

@MJones ~ “Some women don’t understand when a man breaks up with them. You can tell them flat out its not working for you and they don’t get it! So that puts us in awkward position” The script can be flipped. Some guys also refuse to hear the words “we are done!” It’s hard to let go and some simply try to make their last plea to see if the relationship can indeed be salvaged. We all know men avoid confrontation at all cost. You will never find me doing driving bys, standing on a sidewalk, blowing up your phone, hiding in bushes, etc. trying to get you to talk to me.

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
9:49 am

For you guys that are saying some women don’t get it when you break it off with them, how are they not getting it if you say it’s over and then don’t see or call them again. How can someone still be dating or think they are dating someone that is not coming around or calling?

I think incidents like in the topic happens when you guys don’t let the woman know.

ImAPeach404

September 11th, 2009
9:50 am

@ Mike – yea maybe, but I don’t see that very often (a guy actually explaining why he’s leaving). I can’t recall one situation, in my experiences, where that happened. And I would venture to say that “Plan B” is more like “Plan A”….

@ Raqi – I certainly believe that to be true as well. And, I can agree that one should call prior to showing up – common courtesy. But, if my man popped up, it wouldn’t bother me. And, at this age, I don’t think I would show up unannounced, but hell, do you know how much stuff I’ve done in relationships that I didn’t think I would do. SMH.

AmazonRed™

September 11th, 2009
9:54 am

For you guys that are saying some women don’t get it when you break it off with them, how are they not getting it if you say it’s over and then don’t see or call them again.

Raqi – Apparently that’s why the chick in Diva’s story showed up at his doorstep. LOL

Kym

September 11th, 2009
9:57 am

@Dream Now lets just put on our big girl panties and be real for a second. Follow the flow of this conversation and see if this makes sense. Keep in mind men are pretty simple(mind) and they like(love) sex. Women we like to have a understanding. We want the air clear. Men act on how they are feeling. We tell how we are feeling.

George: You know April this whole thing is just not working out. You call everyday wanting to talk, you cook, we go out, you spend the night(that part is cool) but err I am just not feeling this relationship anymore. Let’s call it quits.

April: Whatcha trying to say George? You don’t want to be with me anymore?

George: I don’t want to hurt you and stuff but I mean this is just too much. Now I don’t mind if we get together for sex from time to time(you got mad skills) but err..I want to explore other options and frankly you can be annoying and clingy at times.

April: But I don’t understand. We have fun..you met my mama..we went out of town last week.

George: Yeah I know but for real you got mad skills but err..I was done with this months ago. So can we just hit it once more for the road and I call you from time to time?

April: But I just don’t understand.—

Grace

September 11th, 2009
9:57 am

Have you ever been the one to avoid confrontation in a relationship? Nope

Have you ever dated a man who avoided confrontation? not in my younger years, but recently I have

Did you call him on it or cut your losses? yeah

Most men are not straight forward letting the woman know that he’s no longer interested in pursuing her instead he dips and cut off all communication, or play the head game doing things that will make us leave. Childish.

Happy Friday!

Inhale Sexy. Exhale Cool.

September 11th, 2009
9:58 am

Three Words Daily – Live it up.

Mike Jones (who)

September 11th, 2009
9:59 am

The script can be flipped. Some guys also refuse to hear the words “we are done!”

Leggs=Baby don’t leave me, Please PLease Please don’t leave, I can change!!! Lol
That is true no one wants to be the “Dumpee”. We have all heard stories in the news about guys that don’t want to break up. (ladies let us know if you have some crazy ex-con chasing you, its common coutesy)

For me my Pride and Ego won’t let me chase someone that has blatantly told me “MIke Jones I DON’T WANT YOU ANYMORE!!!”

Melo

September 11th, 2009
9:59 am

Ared,baby,that is the most passionate about u i have had in a long time! You are an intense luver, i can see.. :lol: :lol:

It probably happened four times

i aint mad atcha!!

On topic:
Guys are not good at communiacation generally as compared to womenw hen it concerns 2 party dating relationships..thats my opinion.In addition,Guys avoid that “talk” coz they know women gas up when they hear the truth.Women dont “gulp” and keep it moving,like men do,taking it on the chin.They get emotional.
The moment I say,”baby,its over”,shes already swelling up and crying on my lap,”baby,i thought we were ment to be” or some stupid like,”so when did u think about all this?”..asking me to explain my resignation..why???

Guys dont want all that crap.The solution……

show her the cold reception,ask for booty eve now and then as if u still together but weening urself of the booty and contact slowly..aka,”killing u softly”. That is the modus oparandi that works best for guys.
We let u figure it out for urslef and its a win win coz in times of dryness,u can always pick up the phone and call her for a movie or drink,capping it off with some nostalgic booty romp.

Happy friday yall!

(that jayzee “venus and mars” song is about puddssy romp,am i right?) i luved it on the VEE.

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
10:02 am

One common thing I have experienced in the past is those guys that just stop calling. One thing my sister did teach me was to only call a man twice after you haven’t heard from him in 3 days. If he does not return your call after the second attempt then move on. It took me a couples goofs to learn that but that I did learn. I even took it down to one call after two days and then I let it and him be.

After a few go rounds in the dating dance it doesn’t take long to know when someone has become ghost in your life.

Leggs

September 11th, 2009
10:02 am

@MJones ~ For me my Pride and Ego won’t let me chase someone that has blatantly told me “MIke Jones I DON’T WANT YOU ANYMORE!!!”…..here’s $50 for the collection plate!

Inhale Sexy. Exhale Cool.

September 11th, 2009
10:04 am

Some guys are man enough to just leave. I’ve experienced that personally, so I can vouch for those guys.

Then there are some that seem to not want the relationship anymore but are perhaps willing to remain in a position to receive the physical benefits of said relationship.

Finally, you have those mentioned who will make the relationship so uncomfortable for a woman that she will find her way out of it.

By the way, women have been known to do this too. (Again, speaking from personal experience.)

dw

September 11th, 2009
10:06 am

I have to agree with Melo. It’s the reaction to “the talk” that men want to avoid. We don’t like to deal with the crying and subsequent drama that follows, so we’d much rather you do the dumping so you can leave feeling empowered and not broken down.

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
10:06 am

By the way, women have been known to do this too.

Yep, like always being too busy or preoccupied to see him. Yeah I am guilty.

Man that crap is dumb. LOL

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
10:07 am

Off Topic- Please make sure you check out the new T. Perry movie. It really is great!

On Topic- I am sooooo non-confrontational with everything! If I see a dude is starting to slack off like Dream_n mentioned, like not calling, not showing up, being flaky, etc, i will NOT say anything. to me, if he is doing this, then he is not interested, period. so, if he isn’t making an effort, then i certainly am not. to make it simple, i put in what the dude puts in. no more or less.

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
10:13 am

SexyCool- that’s kinda like a dude i know who said he is looking for “companionship”. he said he is too bust with school, but wants someone for what he calls companionship, which to him means, going to each other’s homes, spending the night, SEX (of course), going on dates, talking, spending time together, traveling together, etc. i’m like, news flash: THAT’S A RELATIONSHIP! he said he wants the benefits of having a companion, but doesn’t want a committment because he is too busy and focused on school. so i said “ok, so how has that been working out for you”? he was like “ummmm it hasn’t”. I’m like DUH! exactly!

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
10:14 am

btw SexyCool, i tried to stay online last night for your Trainwreck blow-by-blow, but i fell asleep because you took too long! lol

Dream_n

September 11th, 2009
10:15 am

IMO (and its just that)

Men can use that cop out all day long… I refuse to believe that a man is not able to express what they are feeling..

“Men act on how they are feeling. We tell how we are feeling.”

While that may be true in instances… please. If a man was working hard at a job and believe he deserved that raise..You’re telling me he wouldn’t convey his feelings there bs…. men get away with that crap b/c we by into that whole crap (as i did in the past also)…
Sorry.. if you can openly express how you feel about sports, cars, or any other thing.. You can tell me that you “don’t want to be with me” (and be man enough to deal with the aftermath. If we can so can you…

ImAPeach404

September 11th, 2009
10:16 am

We don’t like to deal with the crying and subsequent drama that follows, so we’d much rather you do the dumping… so you can leave feeling empowered and not broken down.

@ dw – Huh??? What??? So… do you do it for yourself (like in the first part) or do you do it for “us” (ha!) like in the second part? Explain yourself! (just like if we were trying to break up with me, lol)

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
10:17 am

Dream_n, i agree with you to an extent.

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
10:17 am

Dream_n that’s the truth if I never heard it before.

Mike Jones (who)

September 11th, 2009
10:17 am

Leggs
Thanks for your donation!

SD

September 11th, 2009
10:18 am

ImAPeach404 said “Guys don’t leave. Period.” As one who has been the partner to end relationships (two divorces, among others), this blanket statement is untrue. There are plenty of men who cease to put up with antics/melodrama and leave.

Yes, I’ve had women end the relationship. If it’s been more than a few months into it, they’re usually upfront and say things are ending. Otherwise, they simply quit responding to your calls and/or emails, which is a pretty gutless way to end things.

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
10:18 am

Peach! LOL @ “crying and subsequent drama”.

Compelling

September 11th, 2009
10:19 am

I have a real problem with appearing weak to anyone, and therefore I’m great at hiding my emotions. I take the mantra “never let ‘em see you sweat” to heart. Although it might be killing me…I’m not gonna stay where I’m not wanted. I’m not built like that and I just don’t have it in me. So if you’re gonna start being a flake or ignoring phone calls, I’m done. No explanation needed. Like Raqi said, after the second phone call with no response I’m through.

Now….there are some chicks out there that are CRAZY! A guy can move on and be really clear about wanting to end things, and she can still feel entitled to him. People are fragile, so you gotta be careful before you end up in a Fatal Attraction situation. Not a good look…

C tha 1

September 11th, 2009
10:20 am

I gotta agree with Mike. My girl didn’t show up to my house unannounced. She had the sense enough to know that was foul. However, when I gave her the keys to my house I gave her the pass to show up whenever you like . . . but that was after I proposed to her. Hmmm…I think I’m a male chauvanist, maybe slightly doggish.

Grace

September 11th, 2009
10:20 am

I’ve never done an unannounced visit. Most of the guys I’ve dated where long distant relationship – they lived in the next county which could take an hour to get to. Can’t say I’ve never thought about it but, I was too lazy to do take the drive.

Page I’ve resorted to your solution. Get what you give. No more no less.

Inhale Sexy. Exhale Cool.

September 11th, 2009
10:21 am

Page – THAT is funny.

Really dude should have just said, “I want to date you but have the freedom to see other people because just don’t want to be committed to one person right now.”

ANOTHER NEWS FLASH – There is nothing wrong with ^^^THAT statement. You can take that and do with it what you will.

Amazing how something so simple can be made so complicated.

Raqi

September 11th, 2009
10:23 am

Now let’s not act like men don’t flip out too. Watch the news. At least once a month we hear of some guy murdering his wife, girlfriend, ex and possibly a few of her family members because she left or tried to leave him.

Kym

September 11th, 2009
10:24 am

Here is a suggestion for the next time this whole shake down goes on. Why not just tell the guy upfront and honest that you know what he is up to? You know if the guy stops calling for months and then all of a sudden picks up and calls to see how you doing? Say. “I’m fine, so are you calling today to explain why you stopped calling ____months ago or are you just trying to see if you can get some booty because your dyck is hard?” Say it in the most matter of fact and conversational tone as possible..no bitterness or anything and listen or look for his reaction.

i'm swiss (back from honeymoon, tanned & happily married)

September 11th, 2009
10:25 am

On topic: Yeah, I’ve been guilty of this a couple of times in my younger days. Not proud of it, but it was the easier way out at the time and frankly, the girls that I did this to were never really that important to me to begin with. Bad, I know, but sadly true.

Now, I will say that men don’t have a monopoly on this tactic, however. Women can and will do the passive-aggressive check-out as well. I think just it boils down to whether you respect the other person enough to have the uncomfortable conversation.

Off topic: Uh… see, what had happened was… :lol: My favorite part of this story — the mug shots. Check out the chic to the far left. If that face doesn’t say “Yup, I super-glued that SOB’s diznick to his belly — now what?” then I don’t know what does… :lol:

Page1908

September 11th, 2009
10:26 am

SexyCool- exactly! I’m like dude, how are you too busy with school, but you have time to do all of these other things with a “companion”?

Grace- yeah. I don’t understand how people can put so much into dating or a relationship with someone who is doing nothing! one sided realtionships are the worst. how many times have i heard a woman say “yeah girl, so and so is my boyfriend now. i cooked for him, take him out, took him to meet mama, nem, etc.” then said dude is like “ummm yeah ShaQusihsia is cool, but we just kickin it. it ain’t all that”. c’mon!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

September 11th, 2009
10:27 am

“it’s so easy for guys to check out of a relationship because they do it mentally way before they do it physically”. 100% true for me. It sosmetimes takes me awhile to close it out.

I may be one of Raqi’s “punkazzery” or whatever that was. I do tend to just disappear off of the radar screen, but will tell the woman straight if she calls and certainly if she asks. I hope I am not a total dyck as it sounds so I need to clarify something here. I stop/drop a relationship before it becomes a relationship…in the first three or four dates. If I am still in after this period, I am committed inside. I do not string anything out just because the lady is satisfying some carnal need. If she isn’t touching me between the ears, then the lower extremities will not keep me in a relationship. Can I be a chicken shyte jerk, perhaps…but not months into a relationship.