Spies Don’t Get Dates
My friend Vincent said that he recently had a young lady over and he is almost certain that she went on a little fishing expedition in his home office. He just bought a home so he was showing her around a little.
When he left to go answer his cell phone that he left in the next room, he says she turned into Nancy Drew! He could tell that she went through some papers and drawers. At lunch the other day, I asked him if that bothered him and he said absolutely. “We aren’t even in a serious relationship and she’s already snooping on me? I’m not calling her back. There’s a reason spies don’t get dates.”
Ok, first of all. Spies don’t get dates? I know he was making a funny and I can see his point. Would you date someone that could access private information about you? What if they were law enforcement or worked in your doctor’s office?
If you are involved with someone who can’t resist digging into your stuff before you’ve even been on two dates, it’s probably a red flag or it could be that the person is the “curious” (read: nosy) type.
Have you ever had someone snoop through your stuff while they were in your home? Is that worse than Googling, background checking, or screening people we want to date?
Why do you think we feel the need to investigate our dates? Safety precaution or a little bit of crazy on our part? Where do you draw the line on snooping? What’s appropriate and what is grounds for dismissal?
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© 2009 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
440 comments Add your comment
Jamdun Queen
September 10th, 2009
9:06 am
Off topic – Just wanted to thank you guys for your input yesterday. Sometimes just sharing provides different outlook on situations. Thanks again.
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
9:17 am
Good Morning
I peeped in a medicine cabinet or two and I looked in a glove compartment but the whole googling your date phenomenon I didn’t hear about until this blog. It never occurred to me to do a background check on a date. I will say though if I was dating now the only thing that would really matter to me is the criminal background. That information is available at any county court website. Also the Department of Corrections is a place to look. I know Georgia’s site is easy to use but I don’t know about other states.
But you know even using those sites only helps when you know which states they have resided.
It’s crazy that we have gotten to the point of needing to check backgrounds and criminal records but it is what it is.
Now just snooping thru someone’s stuff just being nosy is totally different. That’s what is being discussed today. I don’t know if in the past a guy snooped thru my stuff or not. If he did he never let me know it.
aggwitt
September 10th, 2009
9:19 am
it got POPPING in here yesterday. You bammas was wylin out.
Now as for this spy situation. With an internet connection and enough will any broad in 2009 is basically a spy.
Kym
September 10th, 2009
9:39 am
Good Morning All,
Safety and precaution in dating fine check their background. Going to marry someone(Marry/Love me-Marry/Love my debt as my prof will say) then you better check their credit, liens, judgments, etc..So that you are fully aware of what you are getting into. But if you just met someone and you go off snooping into their lives or families lives (even if it is public info) that borders on flat out trust issues. An I have never understood going into someone’s medicine cabinet or snooping in drawers. Heck even if I am at a family or friends house I ask before I go pulling stuff open. Why? Because hell its none of my business what is behind door number two. Open it up and you wind up with a bucket on your head or skeltons falling out. Leave other folks stuff alone.
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
9:42 am
Enter your comments here
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
9:46 am
*opps* (for above post)
I never really got into the spying thing. I think it’s kinda creepy. Now there is a difference between being nost and actually spying.. Nosy is if he goes into the other room and you look through papers on a desk or rummage through a drawer…(maybe even a medicine cabinet lol). Nosy is putting on the detective glasses, trench, hat, the whole nine yards… setting up cameras in his house, watching him when he leaves work, putting a tracking device on his car…. now that’s creepy…
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
9:47 am
*i meant spying* for the 2nd example (it’s gonna be one of these days I guess)
William
September 10th, 2009
9:51 am
You had better use all assets available when engaging in personal activity in these times. I checked throughly, medicine cabinets, car, purse, NCIC… Now, 18 years later, I am happily married to a wonderful woman. Now, the family did not check out as well, but at least I knew where I was starting. The Internet makes things much easier. As said previously, “Marry me, marry and love my debt.” Remember, intimacy today can lead to that bright light at the end of the tunnel coming sooner than you think. Wrap it up!
M. (pronounced M dot)
September 10th, 2009
9:51 am
This is an interesting topic because a good friend of mine is a Pharmacy Tech here in Atlanta and he was telling me JUST yesterday in these exact words “m.,BE CAREFUL, A LOT OF WOMEN IN ATLANTA ARE ON FIRE!!! (Im sure this goes for guys also and If you cant read between the lines, Ill explain further). You wont believe what prescription they give out and run out of the most at his location in 1000 mg tablets….
I also remember my ex used to snoop to and here is a trick I would do all: If I was in the shower, I would finish but leave the water running so she could think I was still in, and just quietly come out and usually find her going thru my phone or snooping….I had to start taking my phone with me which is sad…
I think people want to investigate to satisfy their inner urge to get to know something faster about someone rather than waiting for everything to come to the light.
~SexY*cOoL~
September 10th, 2009
9:58 am
Three Words Daily – Take your time.
AmazonRed™
September 10th, 2009
9:59 am
Morning lovelies –
I am nosy by nature. I always want to know what’s going on. But I don’t spy simply because 1) I have a guilty conscience and 2) I don’t want to get caught and mess up a good thing.
Not to say I’ve NEVER gone fishing… but that’s usually long after we’ve been dealing with each other for a while and I need proof of something he’s done. Even still, the most I’ve done is looked through some pics on his computer (I had permission, but there was some additional photos I wasn’t supposed to see). I’ve also picked up a coffee table book and some chick wrote a ver telling inscription (dummy). Or I’ve read a card he’s left out on a bookshelf (again public display).
Who knows what gems I’d find if I actually went far enough to got through a phone or some emails!
Melo
September 10th, 2009
10:00 am
Jamdun Queen, u welcome!
Dream_n, glad to see u still got ur pulse babey!
On topic: Vincent shld ask the chic face to face and read her reaction.If its affirmative,drop her quick.
She wld be nosey,insecure and potentially, a sign that she a drama queen.
How do u start snooping even be4 u are a regular,in someone’s house for that matter.
Now,googling,internet checking and criminal background etc,thats fair game.Infact,its a must!
Its non intrusive,its a safety precaution and common sense coz there are so many seemingly benign and undercover crazies out there. I would advise my daughters to do that once they enter the dating scene.In fact i was talking about some of that to my daughter this morning:trust nobody except ur mom and dad and ur very close relatives untill u really know that person.
Once u start dating,dont smash nobody untill the health stuff is all clear too.This is 2009!
not really
Good morning folks!
Blue_Kolla
September 10th, 2009
10:03 am
This looks like a broad topic; dudes don’t have time to be looking in nobody’s closet. Fact is, a chick is just naturally nosey, and a broad that can’t control herself is disqualified from be anything other than a good shot of azz e’ry now and then.
Wise, since most of your commentors are self-admittedly over 30, come up with some real topics that affect the grown and sexy. Hayo, we already know that any nosey azz tom, dick, or sally is gon’ get the boot at first recognizance.
How about, once you decide that you don’t want any more kids and have yourself pretty much established, why in the world would you marry some broad/dude and take a chance on her/him coming in and fuggin’ up your nice tidy arrangement?!
Talk about some real sh!t…
Elijah ( Professor! What a woman????)
September 10th, 2009
10:03 am
Good Morning Folks!
How is everyone doing today? Professor how did you surgery go?
On topic anyone I date caught spying or give me the impression they are a spy is grounds for permanent dismissal! We have too many emotional wrecked people out here trying to date which is a cause for disaster!
If the women are HOT! The men are hotter! They are less likely to go to the doctor and get the medication for the cure!
Ladies watch out for the losers!
~SexY*cOoL~
September 10th, 2009
10:04 am
Google me and check my resume. RHOA Classic Line
That being said – um, yeah. Google me. So what? Damn near my whole freakin’ life and most of my thoughts are chronicled on my FaceBook page, LinkedIn profile, on this forum and in any of my three or so blogs.
I met someone who lied about their last name and then found out he is a registered sex offender with a long criminal history. As a result, I am less trusting.
Blow Me
September 10th, 2009
10:06 am
Enter your comments here
Melo
September 10th, 2009
10:09 am
ON FIRE??
whats that M.? and what precriptions are running out?
Blow Me
September 10th, 2009
10:09 am
Good Morning all,
Hell yeah I have gone fishing. In my ripe age I no longer really want to do it. I think is wack and too emotional. I don’t want to give out more cards than he is showing.
I have gone through phones and a glove compartment. Oh yeah I did break the code on 2 voicemail codes…AHH those nextel phones were the easiest to break into.
Now it’s just childish and petty. Everything done will come to the late. Just wait and watch for the hook…Not only that there are always signs. When you are breaking in stuff and snooping…Its past time to get a life.
~SexY*cOoL~
September 10th, 2009
10:09 am
Oh and as to the snooping in personal effects and things like that – I will pay attention to what is in the open to see (and that often can be quite telling), but that is all.
~SexY*cOoL~
September 10th, 2009
10:12 am
SO Off topic – Tazzie Mae – You are a beautiful spirit and I am honored that your light shines in my life.
I was just feeling the love this morning. That is all.
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
10:12 am
@ Melo
You asked what I was thinking…
lol to your 1st post… pulse beating stronger than ever!!
Leggs
September 10th, 2009
10:14 am
Sure, I’ve opened a medicine cabinet or 6, but to open someone’s drawers and closets and shift through papers on the counter is RI DIC ULOUS. To do so would definitely be grounds for never going out with that person again. I’d rather find out about you by conversing with you. However, if my radar says something is “fishy,” I see nothing wrong with doing a background search.
@SexyC ~ your new lettering has me dizzy!
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
10:18 am
I would finish but leave the water running so she could think I was still in, and just quietly come out
LOL M-dot dude if I even felt the need to go to those extremes that relationship would not even be worth bothering with.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 10th, 2009
10:20 am
Two words NO (I don’t), and NO (I don’t want a snooper). My life is an open book, if the lady wants information just ask. I don’t have secrets.
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
10:22 am
Question to the guys:
So if you caught a woman looking through your “things” that would be grounds for termination?? Is it depending on the time you’ve been with her?? …. just curious
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 10th, 2009
10:25 am
Dream n would snooping be grounds for termination?
Not the first time, but we would have a serious discussion about her ASKING me from now on. Being curious does not bother me, doing it on the sly does.
Compelling
September 10th, 2009
10:26 am
Seems like we all agree that snooping is a no-no and not really worth the time. Some of might have done it in our younger days, but now that we’re older we’re wiser and realize that it does nothing for us. I’m always a fan of what’s done in the dark will come to the light eventually. If you’re playing me to the left, I’ll start to feel a certain way and my instincts will kick in, I’ll find out eventually.
Furthermore, I’m too lazy to google people. What do I need with a fact sheet and bio about you? Then there’s no room to actually find out about you through good ole’ conversation. Then I’d be sitting there running through a list of facts through my head and comparing them to what you say. That’s lame and I don’t have the time. I just believe inconsistency and cracks tend to develop and once they do, I’ll know what to do from there.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
September 10th, 2009
10:26 am
Morning lovely blog people!
I was taught not to go thru people’s things. I don’t know if any guy I’ve dated has gone thru mine. One did hack my computer and steal part of my hard drive though. I had a sneaky suspicion a guy I had been talking to but not gone on an official date with yet was married. I had a buddy whose sister worked downtown in the marriage license office. Yeah, he was married. Dodged that bullet! Have not gotten into Googling folks or doing criminal checks. My man’s a lawyer at a respected firm, so I feel pretty confident he’s not an ex con.LOL!!
If I were getting married, I would want to know the business, like credit business. But by that time hopefully I would have gotten some clue to his spending habits and responsibleness. But you never know, some folks hide stuff really well. I’m just not a naturally nosy person. You have to really give me a reason to want to snoop. But usually if I’m that suspicous, I’m turned off by dating you anyway.
Seek and you shall find! Don’t go looking for trouble.
PS – I HATE the term broad! Woman works just fine.
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
10:27 am
@ Sure, I’ve opened a medicine cabinet or 6
lmao
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
10:28 am
@ Randyt
Fair enough
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 10th, 2009
10:28 am
Also, anything that is out there in the public domain, i.e. Google, Facebook, asking others, no problemo that is fair game. Again, I don’t have secrets, if the lady wants to know what my financial statement looks like, no problem, just ask…if she wants to know the last time I touched myself in the shower, that’s fine too, I don’t care. Just ask.
Blue_Kolla
September 10th, 2009
10:31 am
So if you caught a woman looking through your “things” that would be grounds for termination?? Is it depending on the time you’ve been with her?? …. just curious
Gone… UNLESS she’s been on the scene for a considerable amount of time, AND has a damned good reason to looking for whatever it is that she’s looking for. There are exceptions to every rule.
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
10:32 am
LOL Randyt. You are an open book.
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
10:37 am
I actually think if you have that pressing need to know the depths of a person’s life to take the time to google them and their family the beginning of the meetings should be the time to do it. Heck that can save you a lot of time. Why wait until you have established something with a person to go spying to find out if that person has something about them that would prevent you from having a relationship with them? Find out up front if that what you need and save yourself the time and heartache. Don’t wait 6 months or a year, feelings have already come into play. Do it before you get attached.
~SexY*cOoL~
September 10th, 2009
10:37 am
Happy Birthday, 2CanPlayThatGame!!!!
Melo
September 10th, 2009
10:39 am
Furthermore, I’m too lazy to google people…..
here we disagree Compelling.
U proly are lazy to google coz right now,u in a good spot….
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 10th, 2009
10:39 am
@ Raqi if the lady has the reproductive organs to ask that, I owe her an answer don’t I?
Melo
September 10th, 2009
10:41 am
Why wait until you have established something with a person to go spying to find out if that person has something about them
who says u have to wait till there is an established relationship Raqi??
the moment he says his name,u exchange names and numbers ands proly plan a date for next week,go find out who Ray Ray is be4 u commit to going out in the dark….
U may nevea come back alive!
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
10:43 am
LOL Randyt, yeah I guess so.
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
10:43 am
Melo that is exactly what I said.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 10th, 2009
10:43 am
@ Melo after all of the references to this mythical “Ray Ray” I’m thinking the next time I have a serious father/daughter talk with my daughter I will warn her that this “Ray Ray” is a bad dude
Blue_Kolla
September 10th, 2009
10:44 am
Dream_N Here’s a good example for you: I’m in the shower but parked on the street. Slim looks out of the window and sees the traffic cop, closely followed by the tow-truck guy. She then remembers that it’s Street Sweeper Day. Immediately she runs up to get the key. Realizing that there’s not much time to get my OK to look around, and that they key is probably in my pocket, she looks in, grabs the key, and saves me from getting jacked by the tow-truck guy.
So when I pop out and she’s standing there with pants in one hand, and wallet and keys in the other, I don’t trip.
Melo
September 10th, 2009
10:44 am
oh, my bad Raqi….
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
10:46 am
Maybe it’s me, but I guess I haven’t caught up with this day and age where you online and google someone lol.. that’s funny. Although I do know there are crazies out there that’s a bit extreme. If you have a facebook.. I may wonder on there and scroll thru a couple things… just as Compelling said.. I’m not into playing Private Eye and sitting up at night searching on the internet for information on the guy… again creepy. IMO
Leggs
September 10th, 2009
10:46 am
Somewhat off topic ~ here’s a link to a phone call a dude made to a girl he met on the street. Pretty funny!
http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny
jakesdad
September 10th, 2009
10:48 am
it’s not “spying” – it’s “information asymmetry”…
thankfully I’ve been married for 13 yrs – I’d shoot myself if I had to date in this day & age…
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
September 10th, 2009
10:49 am
Morning lovely people! Blog monster ate my earlier post, so here I go again!
I was taught not to go thru people’s things. I don’t know if a dude has ever gone thru mine or not. Anything I don’t want seen is safe out of sight or in a safe deposit box at the bank. Important papers are under lock & key. Any prescriptions I’ve had to take are probably laying out in the open cause I have nothing to hide. I did have one guy to hack my computer, but I’d already dumped him before I discovered it.
I’m just too lazy to go snooping! My guy’s a lawyer at a well-respected firm, so I highly doubt he’s an ex-con. He seems to be responsible with money, but I’m sure if we get married we’ll exchange credit reports before.
Seek and you shall find! Don’t go looking for trouble!
Leggs
September 10th, 2009
10:50 am
That’s right, Happy Birthday 2CPTG! Hope you get all you want and more on your special day! Have a great one!
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
10:51 am
@ Blue_Kolla
While I understand your post… your analogy is a bit confusing huh???
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
September 10th, 2009
10:51 am
Ooops, my bad!
Leggs
September 10th, 2009
10:52 am
The blog machine didn’t eat your post (see 10:26).
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
10:54 am
HB2CPTG
Leggs
September 10th, 2009
10:54 am
Here’s a question: For those that don’t snoop, not even in medicine cabinets, how many of you when using the bathroom look behind the shower curtain to see the condition of the tub? Be honest!
Blue_Kolla
September 10th, 2009
10:56 am
Translation: Don’t go through my sh!t unless it’s an emergency. Otherwise, you’ll be one on one with me in the boardroom… and I ain’t gon’ fire myself.
Melo
September 10th, 2009
10:56 am
Facebook/myspace profiles have stuff that “u” want public.
What child molester would put ” registered sex offender” on their profile?
Wise Diva
September 10th, 2009
10:57 am
It’s SO not exclusive to broads. Some guys totally snoop. You would know that if you dated them, but trust me when I tell ya. I’ve had one guy go all recon on me before. It’s just as wrong and creepy when men do it too.
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
10:58 am
@ Leggs : lmao!!!!!
Can I have ME!!! for 100 Alex….
I don’t think that’s too bad…
Compelling
September 10th, 2009
10:59 am
@ Melo- That’s true, I could be too lazy to go snooping because I’m happy in my relationship. But, I could still be lazy…because even if I started dating someone new next week, I’d just ask him straightforward questions and allow him to answer. Facebook yeah I’d scroll over his profile, but google…nah I’ll pass on that.
@ Kimmie- I agree don’t go looking for trouble.
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
10:59 am
Leggs now that I am guilty of. As well as looking in the medicine cabinets. LOL When just trying to gauge how clean or tidy a person was there were always those tell-tell signs.
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
10:59 am
@ WD Totally agree..
Compelling
September 10th, 2009
11:02 am
LOL @ Leggs and Dream_n! I told yall yesterday about how I broke someone’s glass shelf by snooping in a medicine cabinet. Stay away from the medicine cabinets and tubs folks! It can only end badly, haha. Like imagine peeking in and the shower rod falls on you or something.
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
11:02 am
@ Blue_Kolla
okay… dots connected now
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
September 10th, 2009
11:03 am
It’s SO not exclusive to broads
Wise Diva – Not you too with the “broads” term!Ugh!!!
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
11:03 am
@ Like imagine peeking in and the shower rod falls on you or something
Now that would be comedy at its finest..
hahahahaha
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
September 10th, 2009
11:04 am
Leggs – I swear my 10:26 post was not there at 10:31!LOL!! Anyway, now pulling back the shower curtain – yeah now I do look for signs of cleanliness!
M. (pronounced M dot)
September 10th, 2009
11:05 am
@Melo
Fire-burning with the monster, infections, or whatever. He said they cant keep enough valtrex and they give it to both genders.
@ Raqi
You are right.
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
11:06 am
Leggs I actually went thru a wallet and he went thru my purse once. We were sitting in the car waiting for another couple to arrive and I had my purse on my lap with my arm across it. He asked me what do we women keep in those bags. I told him give me his wallet and I will let him see what this woman keeps in hers. You can tell a lot about a person by wait the carry on their person.
Leggs
September 10th, 2009
11:08 am
@Compelling, seriously laughing at you! Anything is possible. When snooping, things tend to go wrong! Breaking the glass shelf was a classic boo boo!
@kimmie, I too despise that word!
AmazonRed™
September 10th, 2009
11:09 am
Sure, I’ve opened a medicine cabinet or 6,
Steve
September 10th, 2009
11:10 am
All you would find in my drawers is a huge muscle, can I get an amen?
Grace
September 10th, 2009
11:12 am
Hello All, I need to know who I’m getting involved with. I have fulton county jail as a bookmark, and I check other county jail as well, you just never know these days what a person has been into. I found out that a guy I met in church has a long record of crimes that included child molesting, breaking and entering, domestice abuse and drug charges. I know your past sins are your past sins and all is forgiven when you repent, but I have a daughter and I don’t like getting beat up on so I pass quickly on that one, sometimes the “old man” does come back. I personally don’t think that snooping is grounds for dismissal, maybe the way you do it but, it’s necessary these days.
Grace
September 10th, 2009
11:13 am
“Ray Ray”
Melo
Wise Diva
September 10th, 2009
11:13 am
I don’t use the broad term often, just like to parrot it back to dudes when they use it just in case they think it bothers me, which it doesn’t really. I’ve called them worse before, LOL. I get that its not a term of endearment to women, though.
Dood
September 10th, 2009
11:15 am
Would you date someone that could access private information about you? What if they were law enforcement or worked in your doctor’s office?
No, No and most likely not, mostly because I have watched some very messy divorces.
I do not snoop around the house, cell phone etc never have. I will google your name and look at your facebook. If she feels the urge to snoop around just ask and I am open. If she snoops without asking she is gone no exceptions. The last one I was serious with I knew had credit problems but she was upfront about it. I also knew what caused the credit problems.
If the women are HOT! The men are hotter! They are less likely to go to the doctor and get the medication for the cure!
If she has to be on the cure, she is out. If she had a brief depression that is one thing but year round is something else. I have a cousin whose wife refused to take her meds… big problems. As for the guys not going, most likely true. However this is why you take your time and don’t rush into marriage, moving in, or putting your name on anything that is the other person’s.
Kym
September 10th, 2009
11:17 am
@Leggs I can truly say I have never done that. One I am not for using other folks bathrooms and two if I want to know how clean a person is I don’t look through stuff I look at the floor and in corners ..dust bunnies, cobwebs, stains around the toilet all of that is visible. Guys are gross anyway.
Dood
September 10th, 2009
11:19 am
Grace background checks are one thing but snooping around the house is another. People need to be careful these days especially women and even more so with single mothers.
East Point's Own
September 10th, 2009
11:19 am
I have gone to refresh drinks only to come back and find a woman red handed going through my night stand drawers….
I must admit I do check the medicine cabinet… and I do always pull back the shower curtain to see how clean the tub is. I can’t imagine how a person can get clean in a dirty tub.
Grace
September 10th, 2009
11:20 am
Is peeping tom considering snooping?
Is standing outside your door eavesdropping, snooping?
Is riding past your house in the wee hours of the morning snooping?
if so I’ve had that happened to me, very spooky.
Compelling
September 10th, 2009
11:21 am
@ Kym- I just shuddered at your post. Stains around the toilet…ugh!
I have a thing about bathrooms. They have to be cleaned on the regular, and spot checked between regular cleanings. I cannot use a bathroom that is dirty. Public restrooms freak me out, lol.
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
11:21 am
I have fulton county jail as a bookmark, and I check other county jail as well
Grace although your search produce need to know information, those means of searching are not always 100% reliable. If a person really wants to hide their past they can lie about how long the have really lived in said county and their previous residents.
If a guy only lived in Fulton for 1 year and has a clean record here then there is nothing to find. But over in Albuquerque is had a bad history that he wants to keep hidden he probably would not tell you he lived there the first 30 years of his life.
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
11:21 am
@ Steve
I just choked on my hot chocolate lmao!!
@ Grace.. While I don’t google… totally understand your post
East Point's Own
September 10th, 2009
11:23 am
Also a homie of mine who is not into the internet that much gave me his credit card and asked me to run a background check on his girl because he thought she was not being truthful about her past, and he found out that she was STILL married to a dude we went to high school with, while she told him that she had never been married. (She was from another state and she did not go to high school with us, she just so happened to end up marrying a guy from our school who was from the class below us I believe)…
http://hispointofview.com
Dream_n
September 10th, 2009
11:23 am
@ I can’t imagine how a person can get clean in a dirty tub.
You guys are killing me lol
Compelling
September 10th, 2009
11:25 am
Grace, yeah I’d have to categorize that as spooky and stalking. A peeping tom? I scare easily so if I ever saw someone peeking through my window I’d flip! Were you dating this person or were they an admirer?
Melo
September 10th, 2009
11:25 am
I can’t imagine how a person can get clean in a dirty tub.
looking in the tub is not really snooping…u actually see that stuff when u down,downloading no#2.
Some Guys are gross anyway.
thats true! i once went to my brothers apartment that they were sharing,back in the day.Youzaaaa!
the filth in the tub made my stomach,nose and head ache!
Mo (aka Moeisha )
September 10th, 2009
11:28 am
I am not one for snooping, as someone already stated I believe whatever is done in the dark shall surface at some point. Now I am attentive, so cleanliness and all that I take inventory of (all that is out in the open). Now I said before that I had someone go thru ALL my stuff and I had never felt so violated before, truly awful
Oh and morning All!!
Grace
September 10th, 2009
11:28 am
Dood/Raqi rightly so, and I take that in great consideration, but atleast taking the first step into finding out is better than doing nothing at all, don’t you think so?
House snooping? yeah I’ve done that, although I don’t go thru with a fine tooth comb but I do look in the usual spots.
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
11:32 am
WiseDiva Can I alter the topic just a little? (trying to be polite and all)
Grace
September 10th, 2009
11:38 am
Compelling my neighbor told me she saw the guy I was seeing at the time riding back and forth past my house in the wee hours of the morning several times, not only that she saw him standing outside my door at night, all the while I didn’t know he was doing that, and we were carrying on as normal. I asked him what was he doing riding by my house and standing on my porch, his answer was he was making sure I was safe since I lived alone, I was like yeah right. Later I put the pieces together recalling some of our conversations where he would know things that I hadn’t told him or he would ask me things or do things that I needed done without me even asking him for help. Maybe he had good intentions but he went the wrong way doing it. His little escapades got him the boot.
Wise Diva
September 10th, 2009
11:40 am
well bless your heart for asking, Raqi! Alter away, it’s all the rage, you know LOL. I don’t mind, really. I am really thankful you guys show up each day and discuss.
Tazzee - holding on until 12/30/09
September 10th, 2009
11:43 am
SexyCool thanks love, you’re a blessing to me also.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2CAN!
Guys are gross anyway. yep
I’m not a snooper, but I am nosy. I don’t know where I got it from but it’s true. If you don’t want me looking through personal stuff then you need to have some magazines around or a TV in the vicinity. If left alone for a period of time, I’m going to look at something.
Never been a medicine cabinet snooper and I only look in the tub if I think I’m going to be taking a shower in that bathroom at some time in the future. Now, if I’m going to be in the bathroom for a while then I hope they have some magazines because I’m going to look at something
Leggs
September 10th, 2009
11:44 am
@Raqi, an exchange like that quite refreshing. I know the two of you laughed at what each other found. Well, he probably laughed and wondered more at what he found in your purse. Hell on a good day, you can play “Let’s Make a Deal” with some purses. Women tend to carry a little bit of everything.
@EPO, thank you.
@Kym, good for you. You’re right, you can tell by looking in the corners and especially around the toile. Peering around the shower curtain helps me see how clean they keep the grout. Weird, I know, but that’s what I look at.
However, I would never go through my date’s drawers, closet, nightstand, etc. That’s just rude! Is it rude to look behind curtains and in medicine cabinets? Probably, but it doesnt’ seem as severe.
Leggs
September 10th, 2009
11:46 am
Hey Mo! Any big plans for your b-day?
Dood
September 10th, 2009
11:47 am
Grace, basic house snooping once is no big deal but if you are in my filing cabinet, out. Medicine cabinet once no biggy. If she is looking at my phone to see if I have talking to other women and trying to control what women I talk to, out. It is the trend and how you are caught, once on somethings can be a misunderstanding.
If I see that her views on politics, religion etc are vastly different on her facebook why bother? Criminal rercord is a concern but it is much more so for the women. I can’t say I have checked jail records but it really isn’t a bad idea.
Ms. Main
September 10th, 2009
11:54 am
OMG…A few years back, yep I was snoopy. As we mature, we learn how to be in relationships, establishing and maintaining trust. Now? Naaah, not interested in playing snoopy. The extent of my looking would be through the internet. Not into violating and digging through folks personal stuff because I don’t want that done to mine. I can recall being picked up for lunch and said date left me in the car for a couple of minutes with 2 blackberrys blinking and beeping and flashing but I didn’t do it. I do think though he left them there to see if I would attempt a peek…didn’t take the bait.
Uncle Tom
September 10th, 2009
11:54 am
No one is getting the “grand tour” of my abode, unless it is someone I have known long enough to satisfy my tastes. There are too many home invasions and break-ins these days. No need to give someone a vision of where everything is located.
Leggs
September 10th, 2009
11:55 am
@Ms. Main, he probably strategically placed them in the seat.
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
11:57 am
What would you all say are your boundaries of “privacy” for you based on the nature of the relationship? Some have implied that the snooping or probing is inappropriate at the onset of dating. So how private do you try to remain or need to be in the following?
1.Committed
2.Cohabitation
3.Marriage
Raqi
September 10th, 2009
11:57 am
Oh, thanks WiseDiva. LOL
Leggs
September 10th, 2009
11:58 am
@Ms. Main, did you ever think perhaps they were “strategically” placed on the seat to see if you touched them??