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Spies Don’t Get Dates

My friend Vincent said that he recently had a young lady over and he is almost certain that she went on a little fishing expedition in his home office. He just bought a home so he was showing her around a little.

When he left to go answer his cell phone that he left in the next room, he says she turned into Nancy Drew! He could tell that she went through some papers and drawers. At lunch the other day, I asked him if that bothered him and he said absolutely. “We aren’t even in a serious relationship and she’s already snooping on me? I’m not calling her back. There’s a reason spies don’t get dates.”

Ok, first of all. Spies don’t get dates? I know he was making a funny and I can see his  point. Would you date someone that could access private information about you? What if they were law enforcement or worked in your doctor’s office?

If you are involved with someone who can’t resist digging into your stuff before you’ve even been on two dates, it’s probably a red flag or it could be that the person is the “curious” (read: nosy) type.

Have you ever had someone snoop through your stuff while they were in your home? Is that worse than Googling, background checking, or screening people we want to date?

Why do you think we feel the need to investigate our dates? Safety precaution or a little bit of crazy on our part? Where do you draw the line on snooping? What’s appropriate and what is grounds for dismissal?

440 comments Add your comment

Jamdun Queen

September 10th, 2009
9:06 am

Off topic – Just wanted to thank you guys for your input yesterday. Sometimes just sharing provides different outlook on situations. Thanks again.

Raqi

September 10th, 2009
9:17 am

Good Morning

I peeped in a medicine cabinet or two and I looked in a glove compartment but the whole googling your date phenomenon I didn’t hear about until this blog. It never occurred to me to do a background check on a date. I will say though if I was dating now the only thing that would really matter to me is the criminal background. That information is available at any county court website. Also the Department of Corrections is a place to look. I know Georgia’s site is easy to use but I don’t know about other states.

But you know even using those sites only helps when you know which states they have resided.

It’s crazy that we have gotten to the point of needing to check backgrounds and criminal records but it is what it is.

Now just snooping thru someone’s stuff just being nosy is totally different. That’s what is being discussed today. I don’t know if in the past a guy snooped thru my stuff or not. If he did he never let me know it.

aggwitt

September 10th, 2009
9:19 am

it got POPPING in here yesterday. You bammas was wylin out.

Now as for this spy situation. With an internet connection and enough will any broad in 2009 is basically a spy.

Kym

September 10th, 2009
9:39 am

Good Morning All,

Safety and precaution in dating fine check their background. Going to marry someone(Marry/Love me-Marry/Love my debt as my prof will say) then you better check their credit, liens, judgments, etc..So that you are fully aware of what you are getting into. But if you just met someone and you go off snooping into their lives or families lives (even if it is public info) that borders on flat out trust issues. An I have never understood going into someone’s medicine cabinet or snooping in drawers. Heck even if I am at a family or friends house I ask before I go pulling stuff open. Why? Because hell its none of my business what is behind door number two. Open it up and you wind up with a bucket on your head or skeltons falling out. Leave other folks stuff alone.

Dream_n

September 10th, 2009
9:42 am

Enter your comments here

Dream_n

September 10th, 2009
9:46 am

*opps* (for above post)

I never really got into the spying thing. I think it’s kinda creepy. Now there is a difference between being nost and actually spying.. Nosy is if he goes into the other room and you look through papers on a desk or rummage through a drawer…(maybe even a medicine cabinet lol). Nosy is putting on the detective glasses, trench, hat, the whole nine yards… setting up cameras in his house, watching him when he leaves work, putting a tracking device on his car…. now that’s creepy…

Dream_n

September 10th, 2009
9:47 am

*i meant spying* for the 2nd example (it’s gonna be one of these days I guess)

William

September 10th, 2009
9:51 am

You had better use all assets available when engaging in personal activity in these times. I checked throughly, medicine cabinets, car, purse, NCIC… Now, 18 years later, I am happily married to a wonderful woman. Now, the family did not check out as well, but at least I knew where I was starting. The Internet makes things much easier. As said previously, “Marry me, marry and love my debt.” Remember, intimacy today can lead to that bright light at the end of the tunnel coming sooner than you think. Wrap it up!

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 10th, 2009
9:51 am

This is an interesting topic because a good friend of mine is a Pharmacy Tech here in Atlanta and he was telling me JUST yesterday in these exact words “m.,BE CAREFUL, A LOT OF WOMEN IN ATLANTA ARE ON FIRE!!! (Im sure this goes for guys also and If you cant read between the lines, Ill explain further). You wont believe what prescription they give out and run out of the most at his location in 1000 mg tablets….

I also remember my ex used to snoop to and here is a trick I would do all: If I was in the shower, I would finish but leave the water running so she could think I was still in, and just quietly come out and usually find her going thru my phone or snooping….I had to start taking my phone with me which is sad…

I think people want to investigate to satisfy their inner urge to get to know something faster about someone rather than waiting for everything to come to the light.

~SexY*cOoL~

September 10th, 2009
9:58 am

Three Words Daily – Take your time.

AmazonRed™

September 10th, 2009
9:59 am

Morning lovelies –

I am nosy by nature. I always want to know what’s going on. But I don’t spy simply because 1) I have a guilty conscience and 2) I don’t want to get caught and mess up a good thing.

Not to say I’ve NEVER gone fishing… but that’s usually long after we’ve been dealing with each other for a while and I need proof of something he’s done. Even still, the most I’ve done is looked through some pics on his computer (I had permission, but there was some additional photos I wasn’t supposed to see). I’ve also picked up a coffee table book and some chick wrote a ver telling inscription (dummy). Or I’ve read a card he’s left out on a bookshelf (again public display).

Who knows what gems I’d find if I actually went far enough to got through a phone or some emails!

Melo

September 10th, 2009
10:00 am

Jamdun Queen, u welcome!

Dream_n, glad to see u still got ur pulse babey! :lol: :lol:

On topic: Vincent shld ask the chic face to face and read her reaction.If its affirmative,drop her quick.
She wld be nosey,insecure and potentially, a sign that she a drama queen.
How do u start snooping even be4 u are a regular,in someone’s house for that matter.

Now,googling,internet checking and criminal background etc,thats fair game.Infact,its a must!

Its non intrusive,its a safety precaution and common sense coz there are so many seemingly benign and undercover crazies out there. I would advise my daughters to do that once they enter the dating scene.In fact i was talking about some of that to my daughter this morning:trust nobody except ur mom and dad and ur very close relatives untill u really know that person.

Once u start dating,dont smash nobody untill the health stuff is all clear too.This is 2009!

not really :arrow: :lol: :lol:

Good morning folks!

Blue_Kolla

September 10th, 2009
10:03 am

This looks like a broad topic; dudes don’t have time to be looking in nobody’s closet. Fact is, a chick is just naturally nosey, and a broad that can’t control herself is disqualified from be anything other than a good shot of azz e’ry now and then.

Wise, since most of your commentors are self-admittedly over 30, come up with some real topics that affect the grown and sexy. Hayo, we already know that any nosey azz tom, dick, or sally is gon’ get the boot at first recognizance.

How about, once you decide that you don’t want any more kids and have yourself pretty much established, why in the world would you marry some broad/dude and take a chance on her/him coming in and fuggin’ up your nice tidy arrangement?!

Talk about some real sh!t…

Elijah ( Professor! What a woman????)

September 10th, 2009
10:03 am

Good Morning Folks!

How is everyone doing today? Professor how did you surgery go?

On topic anyone I date caught spying or give me the impression they are a spy is grounds for permanent dismissal! We have too many emotional wrecked people out here trying to date which is a cause for disaster! :smile:

If the women are HOT! The men are hotter! They are less likely to go to the doctor and get the medication for the cure!

Ladies watch out for the losers!

~SexY*cOoL~

September 10th, 2009
10:04 am

Google me and check my resume. RHOA Classic Line

That being said – um, yeah. Google me. So what? Damn near my whole freakin’ life and most of my thoughts are chronicled on my FaceBook page, LinkedIn profile, on this forum and in any of my three or so blogs.

I met someone who lied about their last name and then found out he is a registered sex offender with a long criminal history. As a result, I am less trusting.

Blow Me

September 10th, 2009
10:06 am

Enter your comments here

Melo

September 10th, 2009
10:09 am

ON FIRE??

whats that M.? and what precriptions are running out?

Blow Me

September 10th, 2009
10:09 am

Good Morning all,

Hell yeah I have gone fishing. In my ripe age I no longer really want to do it. I think is wack and too emotional. I don’t want to give out more cards than he is showing.

I have gone through phones and a glove compartment. Oh yeah I did break the code on 2 voicemail codes…AHH those nextel phones were the easiest to break into.

Now it’s just childish and petty. Everything done will come to the late. Just wait and watch for the hook…Not only that there are always signs. When you are breaking in stuff and snooping…Its past time to get a life.

~SexY*cOoL~

September 10th, 2009
10:09 am

Oh and as to the snooping in personal effects and things like that – I will pay attention to what is in the open to see (and that often can be quite telling), but that is all.

~SexY*cOoL~

September 10th, 2009
10:12 am

SO Off topic – Tazzie Mae – You are a beautiful spirit and I am honored that your light shines in my life.

I was just feeling the love this morning. That is all.

Dream_n

September 10th, 2009
10:12 am

@ Melo
You asked what I was thinking…

lol to your 1st post… pulse beating stronger than ever!!

Leggs

September 10th, 2009
10:14 am

Sure, I’ve opened a medicine cabinet or 6, but to open someone’s drawers and closets and shift through papers on the counter is RI DIC ULOUS. To do so would definitely be grounds for never going out with that person again. I’d rather find out about you by conversing with you. However, if my radar says something is “fishy,” I see nothing wrong with doing a background search.

@SexyC ~ your new lettering has me dizzy!

Raqi

September 10th, 2009
10:18 am

I would finish but leave the water running so she could think I was still in, and just quietly come out

LOL M-dot dude if I even felt the need to go to those extremes that relationship would not even be worth bothering with.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

September 10th, 2009
10:20 am

Two words NO (I don’t), and NO (I don’t want a snooper). My life is an open book, if the lady wants information just ask. I don’t have secrets.

Dream_n

September 10th, 2009
10:22 am

Question to the guys:

So if you caught a woman looking through your “things” that would be grounds for termination?? Is it depending on the time you’ve been with her?? …. just curious

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

September 10th, 2009
10:25 am

Dream n would snooping be grounds for termination?
Not the first time, but we would have a serious discussion about her ASKING me from now on. Being curious does not bother me, doing it on the sly does.

Compelling

September 10th, 2009
10:26 am

Seems like we all agree that snooping is a no-no and not really worth the time. Some of might have done it in our younger days, but now that we’re older we’re wiser and realize that it does nothing for us. I’m always a fan of what’s done in the dark will come to the light eventually. If you’re playing me to the left, I’ll start to feel a certain way and my instincts will kick in, I’ll find out eventually.

Furthermore, I’m too lazy to google people. What do I need with a fact sheet and bio about you? Then there’s no room to actually find out about you through good ole’ conversation. Then I’d be sitting there running through a list of facts through my head and comparing them to what you say. That’s lame and I don’t have the time. I just believe inconsistency and cracks tend to develop and once they do, I’ll know what to do from there.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 10th, 2009
10:26 am

Morning lovely blog people!

I was taught not to go thru people’s things. I don’t know if any guy I’ve dated has gone thru mine. One did hack my computer and steal part of my hard drive though. I had a sneaky suspicion a guy I had been talking to but not gone on an official date with yet was married. I had a buddy whose sister worked downtown in the marriage license office. Yeah, he was married. Dodged that bullet! Have not gotten into Googling folks or doing criminal checks. My man’s a lawyer at a respected firm, so I feel pretty confident he’s not an ex con.LOL!!

If I were getting married, I would want to know the business, like credit business. But by that time hopefully I would have gotten some clue to his spending habits and responsibleness. But you never know, some folks hide stuff really well. I’m just not a naturally nosy person. You have to really give me a reason to want to snoop. But usually if I’m that suspicous, I’m turned off by dating you anyway.

Seek and you shall find! Don’t go looking for trouble.

PS – I HATE the term broad! Woman works just fine.

Dream_n

September 10th, 2009
10:27 am

@ Sure, I’ve opened a medicine cabinet or 6

lmao

Dream_n

September 10th, 2009
10:28 am

@ Randyt

Fair enough

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

September 10th, 2009
10:28 am

Also, anything that is out there in the public domain, i.e. Google, Facebook, asking others, no problemo that is fair game. Again, I don’t have secrets, if the lady wants to know what my financial statement looks like, no problem, just ask…if she wants to know the last time I touched myself in the shower, that’s fine too, I don’t care. Just ask.

Blue_Kolla

September 10th, 2009
10:31 am

So if you caught a woman looking through your “things” that would be grounds for termination?? Is it depending on the time you’ve been with her?? …. just curious

Gone… UNLESS she’s been on the scene for a considerable amount of time, AND has a damned good reason to looking for whatever it is that she’s looking for. There are exceptions to every rule.

Raqi

September 10th, 2009
10:32 am

LOL Randyt. You are an open book.

Raqi

September 10th, 2009
10:37 am

I actually think if you have that pressing need to know the depths of a person’s life to take the time to google them and their family the beginning of the meetings should be the time to do it. Heck that can save you a lot of time. Why wait until you have established something with a person to go spying to find out if that person has something about them that would prevent you from having a relationship with them? Find out up front if that what you need and save yourself the time and heartache. Don’t wait 6 months or a year, feelings have already come into play. Do it before you get attached.

~SexY*cOoL~

September 10th, 2009
10:37 am

Happy Birthday, 2CanPlayThatGame!!!!

Melo

September 10th, 2009
10:39 am

Furthermore, I’m too lazy to google people…..

here we disagree Compelling.
U proly are lazy to google coz right now,u in a good spot….

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

September 10th, 2009
10:39 am

@ Raqi if the lady has the reproductive organs to ask that, I owe her an answer don’t I? ;-)

Melo

September 10th, 2009
10:41 am

Why wait until you have established something with a person to go spying to find out if that person has something about them

who says u have to wait till there is an established relationship Raqi??
the moment he says his name,u exchange names and numbers ands proly plan a date for next week,go find out who Ray Ray is be4 u commit to going out in the dark….
U may nevea come back alive!

Raqi

September 10th, 2009
10:43 am

LOL Randyt, yeah I guess so.

Raqi

September 10th, 2009
10:43 am

Melo that is exactly what I said.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

September 10th, 2009
10:43 am

@ Melo after all of the references to this mythical “Ray Ray” I’m thinking the next time I have a serious father/daughter talk with my daughter I will warn her that this “Ray Ray” is a bad dude ;-)

Blue_Kolla

September 10th, 2009
10:44 am

Dream_N Here’s a good example for you: I’m in the shower but parked on the street. Slim looks out of the window and sees the traffic cop, closely followed by the tow-truck guy. She then remembers that it’s Street Sweeper Day. Immediately she runs up to get the key. Realizing that there’s not much time to get my OK to look around, and that they key is probably in my pocket, she looks in, grabs the key, and saves me from getting jacked by the tow-truck guy.

So when I pop out and she’s standing there with pants in one hand, and wallet and keys in the other, I don’t trip.

Melo

September 10th, 2009
10:44 am

oh, my bad Raqi….

Dream_n

September 10th, 2009
10:46 am

Maybe it’s me, but I guess I haven’t caught up with this day and age where you online and google someone lol.. that’s funny. Although I do know there are crazies out there that’s a bit extreme. If you have a facebook.. I may wonder on there and scroll thru a couple things… just as Compelling said.. I’m not into playing Private Eye and sitting up at night searching on the internet for information on the guy… again creepy. IMO

Leggs

September 10th, 2009
10:46 am

Somewhat off topic ~ here’s a link to a phone call a dude made to a girl he met on the street. Pretty funny!

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

jakesdad

September 10th, 2009
10:48 am

it’s not “spying” – it’s “information asymmetry”… ;-)

thankfully I’ve been married for 13 yrs – I’d shoot myself if I had to date in this day & age…

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 10th, 2009
10:49 am

Morning lovely people! Blog monster ate my earlier post, so here I go again!

I was taught not to go thru people’s things. I don’t know if a dude has ever gone thru mine or not. Anything I don’t want seen is safe out of sight or in a safe deposit box at the bank. Important papers are under lock & key. Any prescriptions I’ve had to take are probably laying out in the open cause I have nothing to hide. I did have one guy to hack my computer, but I’d already dumped him before I discovered it.

I’m just too lazy to go snooping! My guy’s a lawyer at a well-respected firm, so I highly doubt he’s an ex-con. He seems to be responsible with money, but I’m sure if we get married we’ll exchange credit reports before.

Seek and you shall find! Don’t go looking for trouble!

Leggs

September 10th, 2009
10:50 am

That’s right, Happy Birthday 2CPTG! Hope you get all you want and more on your special day! Have a great one!

Dream_n

September 10th, 2009
10:51 am

@ Blue_Kolla
While I understand your post… your analogy is a bit confusing huh???

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 10th, 2009
10:51 am

Ooops, my bad!