Sweet Temptation
Have you ever heard of the saying, “Opportunity knocks but temptation leans on the doorbell” before? It kind of explains how hard it is to deal with temptation. If you are in a relationship and live in Atlanta, being tempted is a real issue for some people.
You can sport a wedding ring or stay out of bars, but eventually you will be presented with a serious temptation. How do you deal with it? Some people in this city are extremely bold and persistent. Even after you tell them that you are involved, married, or have a “situationship” it does not deter them from pursuing you.
What happens when you are approached by someone when you already exclusively dating someone else? Have you ever been tempted to actually find out if the person is a better fit for you? If you found someone you had a connection with or a serious connection, how do you handle the temptation of being with that person?
Happy Tuesday everyone! How was your extended weekend? Did you have any sweet temptations?
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506 comments Add your comment
Dream_n
September 8th, 2009
1:36 pm
@ Leggs : I agree he may feel like damn she didn’t even listen to what i said… but coming from a diff point of view.. Do I have to always do what he says… I do not believe going out with co-workers for drinks harldy equates cheating!! Your man should know you and if he doesn’t.. that falls under the category of insecurities.ugghh!!!
Page1908
September 8th, 2009
1:37 pm
lioness- if people have to play all those games, then what’s the point!
Compelling
September 8th, 2009
1:37 pm
@ Dream- And see that’s totally fine. Then you need to leave that relationship. If you stay in a sitatuon and put up with someone’s demands that you don’t agree with, then don’t fault that person, you DECIDED to stay. You have a choice in the matter. My thing is, if you can’t meet in the middle, then what are you there for? To keep arguing and debating about it? My suggestion is to get out.
It’s not about losing yourself, it’s about setting some boundaries and if you step outside those boundaries then yes you’re cheating. If you AGREED on the boundaries in the beginning and now you’d like to change them without speaking to them first then you’re doing dirt. If he can’t do it, then you can’t and vice versa. Like I said, it’s all about mutual respect.
Tazzee - holding on until 12/30/09
September 8th, 2009
1:38 pm
Page – I still have my tan from my beach trip a month ago. I usually keep my tans for a few months. Around November I’ll be looking to hit up another beach to get these tan lines back, LOL.
Now, if you can’t get with that, or you don’t agree with his summation, then you might need to check outta that relationship. It’s all about a mutual respect, so if you can’t accept their feelings about something then do both of you a favor and check out.
Amen Compelling!!! I feel that if I can’t respect his wishes, then he’s not the one for me.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 8th, 2009
1:39 pm
Hey Dream n, the question one has to answer is where to draw the line. Is it going out with the gals, is it “harmless” flirting, is it dancing with some Buster…?
Being out with some friends is nothing, but one should allow a major degree of “margin” between what one is willing to do and seems harmless, and what is pushing past “the line”. I guess I think one should stay back from the edge to some degree, leave some margin, and have lines beyond which one will not go. A good rule of thumb is taking what W8 said and applying it…”You should not hold your significant other to a standard that you yourself are not willing to follow”. Ask what you are willing to accept from your SO and apply that rule to yourself,
SexyCool - Yeah. I know.
September 8th, 2009
1:40 pm
I tanned more this summer than I ever have. So much so, when I saw my mom a couple of weeks back, she commented on it.
“Baby, you’ve always been dark but is ya’ gettin’ blacker?”
My mom is a nut.
Dream_n
September 8th, 2009
1:40 pm
@ W8
Most certainly not lol.. and those that know me know i’m pretty laid back…. but again my situation is “complicated” so i can care less what that guy does right now.. lol
If its an innocent hug or kiss on the cheek which a lot of puertoricans do I don’t really care, that’s how they greet eachother. Now if they dtart tonguing eachother thats a diff coversation lol…
W8©(I was sneaky and took pics)
September 8th, 2009
1:41 pm
@lioness-See thats a difference right there..full knowledge of who that person is.
Maybe Im just old skool or something but if I am in a serious relationship..I dont think that every female should have access to me…nor should i just be entertaining whomever comes along talking..and my significant other..should know the women that I know that are of the opposite sex…and if she has a problem with any of those women that cant be resolved…i just have to tell
that female friend..hey sorry but I have to stick with my mate…I mean if you are desiring a certain goal you have to be on the right path…some folks are cool with just be “open” to any and everything..but I am wise enough to know that sometimes a little something thats starts of innocent can snowball into something not so innocent..so it’s best to keep stuff at bay.
Grace
September 8th, 2009
1:42 pm
right there with you Lioness @1.34
Page1908
September 8th, 2009
1:42 pm
LOL Tazzee, so you like the tan lines, then? I’m used to mine. It’s generally men out here who make comments like “dang, you got a tan..you must have been to the beach or something”. I’m like omg.
Lioness-Mentally Exhaused w/ a Tad of Carazy
September 8th, 2009
1:42 pm
Dream- Now I know why you feed him Mac & cheese from the box..
Page1908
September 8th, 2009
1:45 pm
Dream, ok so basically you are shacking with your baby’s daddy but you don’t care about him or what he does?
Grace
September 8th, 2009
1:45 pm
W8 then you are not being yourself. I always keep in mind that the person that I’m dating had a way of being before he met me. It wouldn’t be fair for me to ask the man I’m dating to knock off greeting his friends with a hug and a kiss, that’s selfish and small. I would welcome a man who has that compassion inside of him.
Dream_n
September 8th, 2009
1:46 pm
@ Randyt
I’m talking about going out with co-workers from work, that might include a few guys… (guys who you have no romantic interest i whatsoeva) , but are a hoot and you get along with them. Maybe it’s just me, but I dont understand when guyz expect you to give up guy friends just becasue they are insecure about other men… come on now…
Page1908
September 8th, 2009
1:46 pm
omg i already finished my 74 ounces of water for today. yes!!
Page1908
September 8th, 2009
1:47 pm
lol vieja mujer
Lurking
September 8th, 2009
1:48 pm
Dream_n do you boo
W8©(I was sneaky and took pics)
September 8th, 2009
1:48 pm
Ok..what is harmless flirting?
Compelling
September 8th, 2009
1:48 pm
@ W8- I totally agree with your 1:41. Respect the person that you’re building a life with, if you can’t respect their wishes then maybe that relationship isn’t for you.
@ Dream- It sounds like you’ve checked out of the relationship because you don’t care what he thinks or feels. So what’s complicated about it? You know what you have to do…you just need to do it.
@ Tazzee- I agree with that too, if I can’t respect him then we’re not meant to be. Recently my guy felt uncomfortable with me hugging guys that I was only semi-aquainted with. At first I thought he was just trippin’ but I began to see how he felt, he feels that hugs are intimate. I felt that they were more like a handshake, sorta impersonal. For the good of our relationship I agreed to cut the hugs out. Crisis averted, respect still in place, still building towards our future.
Leggs
September 8th, 2009
1:49 pm
@Dream_, of course you don’t have to always do what he says. However, once you guys communicate on why he feels a particular way and you truly understand, you’ll stop doing it just because you’re now married and his thoughts, beliefs and desires come first. If there continues to be a problem over why you want to do it despite how he feels, then there’s a bigger issue at hand. Compromise/submissiveness is not the same! Even if he or she is insecure, you knew this going into the marriage so you knew it would be an issue. If the SO is uncomfortable around a particular group of men or women, you best believe their suspicions are probably on target. It takes one to sniff another out! We all can smell crap a mile away! Point is, if it’s an issue, don’t make it an even bigger issue. It’s not that important in the bigger scheme of things!
Dream_n
September 8th, 2009
1:49 pm
@ Page1908
I think I’m at the point in the relationship where I wouldn’t be mad if he was with someone else… (although he’s not) And if shacking you mean: Living with my “boyfriend” w/ out sex.. and providing my daughter with a roof over her head b/c financially I can’t do it by myself.. then yes I’m shacking. lol.
I care about him and I love him, but romantically/emotinally he does nothing for me. So Lioness now can I call it complicated lol
Grace
September 8th, 2009
1:49 pm
is there such a thing? something like a white lie…
Lioness-Mentally Exhaused w/ a Tad of Carazy
September 8th, 2009
1:50 pm
Dream- How many men have you dated that weren’t insecure?
Dream_n
September 8th, 2009
1:50 pm
@ compeling
East Point's Own
September 8th, 2009
1:50 pm
How about if your mate asks you to not hang out with a particular person because your mate’s intuition tells them that the person is up to no good? I had a case where I felt as if a guy was disrespecting me and I explained to my lady at the time what was going on and she dismissed it, saying that his actions were innocent and that he was a good guy. To only have him try to corner her a few months later and make a very explicit offer about what he wanted from her, despite the fact that he knew she was in a relationship.
Now I am not one to try to control or dictate who my lady hangs with, but sometimes you do have to consider what your mate says about the people you call friends. How do you balance this in yout relationships?
Melo
September 8th, 2009
1:51 pm
Tazzee, u and ur man are really looking good on facebook…are u sure u really want him??
ehh,i mean,maaayne,ur looking good 2 with that wide smile of urs!!
Dang it, i was slow on that girl!
W8©(I was sneaky and took pics)
September 8th, 2009
1:52 pm
ok..so basically some folks want to keep their independence and their significant other? Because they feel that they should not have to change a thing about their life just because they are in a relationship?
***I am asking you all these questions to help me understand, I am not attacking anyones personal views****
Page1908
September 8th, 2009
1:52 pm
Ok, Dream_n when you got with ole dude how was your relationship? when you got preggers did you have a plan? meaning a life plan of what you were gonna do if you and ole dude didn’t work out since you were not married?
Lioness-Mentally Exhaused w/ a Tad of Carazy
September 8th, 2009
1:52 pm
W8- Some ish that wld get your head buss to the white meat on the wrong day
Dream- HA! Does he know all this? Also, you WOULD care if he was messing with someone else.. TRUST ME! You are in a situationship
Dream_n
September 8th, 2009
1:53 pm
@ East Point’s Own
Good Point…. didn’t think about that…and I agree. If the guys is making moves on you and you continue to go out him then.. I think that’s crossing the line of respect.
Page1908
September 8th, 2009
1:55 pm
lmao @ buss to the white meat! lioness stop!
Lioness-Mentally Exhaused w/ a Tad of Carazy
September 8th, 2009
1:56 pm
EPO- She should have respected your concerns! POINT BLANK PERIOD!!
W8- One MUST change in order to be in a successful relationship. One can NOT live the same type of life they lived when they were single..
Ms. Main
September 8th, 2009
1:58 pm
ok..so basically some folks want to keep their independence and their significant other? Because they feel that they should not have to change a thing about their life just because they are in a relationship?
Married versus not….just my opinion
Sybil
September 8th, 2009
2:00 pm
EPO – I had a suitor once that I told him that I didn’t like his interaction with a particular woman in our group of friends. He swore up and down that there was nothing to it.
After we stopped seeing each other, they started dating. I think they live together now.
aggwitt
September 8th, 2009
2:00 pm
Some of this stuff crosses the line from respect to controlling.
Leggs
September 8th, 2009
2:01 pm
@Dream-n, the fact that he asked you not to go with this particular group is reason not to go if you know he’s uncomfortable with it. The feelings of your mate should override the feeling of a bunch of co-workers. If it’s merely a sign of “insecurities”, you knew this going into the marriage. You knew it would be something you would continue ot deal with. No, you don’t have to give up your independence, but in a committed relationship both should give up that which makes the other very uncomfortable.
Dream_n
September 8th, 2009
2:02 pm
@ Page1908
It was beautiful when we first got together.. as would any relationship.. No, no plan was set… Right now I’m in the stage of making that plan…. with the help of friends and fam. The lease is up in December and I don’t plan on renewing it with him. It took a while to finally realize that it’s not for me, but i did realize
@ Lioness : Yes he does, but he’s still in love and would want to work things out.
I feel like im on Oprah.. just airing things out lol.. It’s therapy to talk about though… u guyz are great
W8©(I was sneaky and took pics)
September 8th, 2009
2:02 pm
@Ms. Main- so does a person keep that independence and single mind frame and act the same way until wedding day?
And as far as my world and the relationship that I desire..if she is out kissing and giving the full hugs to everyone..i dont want her to do it with me..I should be treated differently than every other “dude”…but then again thats just my opinion…where is the uniqueness in loving on everyone?
Kym
September 8th, 2009
2:03 pm
Sorry but what exactly am I going to change about myself when I am single vs..when I am single and dating one person? Maybe I can’t relate to this topic or I am finding this all wayy to deep. But there seems to be a whole lot of bs in the air on this topic.
Melo
September 8th, 2009
2:03 pm
After we stopped seeing each other, they started dating. I think they live together now.
Sybil,i think u going to make EPO live work now so he can try fix that potential problem…
Melo
September 8th, 2009
2:04 pm
leave work
Poppa Grande
September 8th, 2009
2:04 pm
W8
I can only speak for me and mines. But there has to be some level of trust. If Mrs. PG didn’t trust me to the point that I had to drop certain friends, then there is a problem. She should trust me until I give her a reason otherwise.
We know each other hanging partners of both genders.
Without trust, there could be no us.
Grace
September 8th, 2009
2:05 pm
what kind of change are you talking about? bad behavior or just your general makeup…I guess you have to look at what actually attracted you to the person in the first place. If you met a person who enspouses things that you don’t like then why in the sam hill would you want that person in your life? is it about controlling or changing that person into the person you want them to be?
Melo
September 8th, 2009
2:05 pm
Dream_n ,does he sleep on the couch and u serve some treats eve now and then??
aggwitt
September 8th, 2009
2:05 pm
Guys expect you to give up guy friends cause we know that them guy friends are only friends until you say “come on and get this”. You out there ke ke’ing with these coworkers and meanwhile they plotting on seeing you skeet skeeting.
W8©(I was sneaky and took pics)
September 8th, 2009
2:07 pm
lol..I’m just asking questions and reading all of the responses.
I am trying to get to the root of how much some respects their mate…I am not talking about love, jealousy or trying to establish control over someone. I am talking just flat out respect for the person you are involved with.
Dream_n
September 8th, 2009
2:07 pm
@ W8
i don’t think its about people not wanting to change a thing about thei life.. I just think some things I shouldn’t have to change for a man.. I’m okay with compromising but some things I think you shouldn’t have to change… maybe that’s my thinking now.. maybe it will change when i become older…
Melo
September 8th, 2009
2:07 pm
but I dont understand when guyz expect you to give up guy friends just becasue they are insecure about other men… come on now…
u are 24,thats why…..
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
September 8th, 2009
2:08 pm
ok..so basically some folks want to keep their independence and their significant other? Because they feel that they should not have to change a thing about their life just because they are in a relationship?
W8 – Yeah, that’s about right and these are the people that don’t need to be in a relationship, or at least they don’t need to be engaged or married. I’ve spoken about this dude I dated in the past that would go out of town, sometimes leave the country, and not even mention it to me in general conversation. When I mentioned how disrespectful I thought it was, he saw it different. He said if there have been no rings exchanged, he was free as a bird to do whatever he wanted, he was grown and did not have to answer to anyone. I’ve dated 2 dudes that had that mindset. When I would mention common courtesy and respect, I just still got the pat answer – but we’re not married.
Tazzee - holding on until 12/30/09
September 8th, 2009
2:09 pm
melo, melo, melo – I don’t know what I’m going to do with you…