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First Cut Is the Deepest

My first love is on Facebook and seeing his name still gives me the butterflies in my stomach! What is it about first loves that leaves such a lasting impression on us? It’s been years since I’ve seen him and lots of boyfriends later his name along invokes all those crazy emotions I felt.

Do you remember your first? The first person you kissed. The first person you fell hard for and made a total fool of yourself over? What about your first heartbreak?

Do you think our first and early experiences with love sets the precedent for how we will handle relationships later?

Is there a person from your past that taught you the most about love? What was the lesson?

Do you think that your first love thinks about you from time to time? What would you do if your first love contacted you on Facebook or found your number from your mother or friend?

Happy Friday!!

344 comments Add your comment

MR. Unknown

September 4th, 2009
8:47 am

Good morning,, It seems I will be the first person in the office sick with the cold… Are there any office remedies to get rid of the bug?

Anyway, I remember my first (L), We were so happy, Then I sabotaged it, because I thought it was too good to be true… Live and learn.. I ran into her a couple of months ago, just out and about. It was so awkward at first.. I lost all kinds of cool points, told a dry as joke, was looking janky.. Yeah!! Found out that she was very much happy in a relationship… Wished her well and kept it moving… but I think she tried me,, she referred to something in our past regarding sex.. I almost took the bait but decided to let it slide…

Wings()

September 4th, 2009
8:53 am

Good Morning and Happy Friday Bloggers!

Wow WD……….you took me back down memory lane on that one! lol

My first boyfriend was actually in Montessori School……he gave me flowers and sat next to me at church on Sundays.

Mom and Dad – taught me the most about love (real love) they actually told us about their own love story (they eloped because my grandmother didn’t want my mom to marry my dad)….they taught me that commitment is love personified……….and yes, sometimes, I’m loyal to a fault.

The one who broke my heart………………let’s just say he knows who he is and in the process of breaking my heart………..he broke is own.

I don’t know if my first love thinks about me but If he ever called, I would love to see him, have a good laugh and and a glass of wine!

Ahh………….Friday!

Raqi...Living the Past, Present and Future

September 4th, 2009
8:59 am

Dang Diva you hit deep today for me.
Can you imagine 25 years ago walking into a school cafeteria and sitting there at the table you frequent is your first, present and hopefully last true? Wow that is something. Or it could be my life is quite the odd chain of events. There sat my first love on the left and the man that I would come to be my true love in this present day and hopefully until the day I die on the right. Who would have ever thunk it?

But anyhoo moving on…

I remember my first kiss but it was not a kiss that reached down and touched me deep so I don’t count it or him as my true first love. I liked one boy going from middle school to high school but my first love I didn’t meet until I was in high school. I was 16. He asked his sister to ask her boyfriend which was my best friend to ask me if he could call me. He and I dated from there on and married when I was 19. Our marriage was good for what it’s worth however short lived. He was taken away from me and my first born…………………

I am so happy I met him. (very emotional chuckle). He gave me my first born, he was my first experience, his fate gave me my first hard life lesson but most all meeting him gave me what I have today. That tall, skinny, goofy, baritone, specs wearing, hella brainy friend of his is my true love today. All grown up and well developed. Milk does the body good. LOL

WiseDiva you all make it hard for me to stay upset with my space invader. LOL

Okay I am floating back down to earth………….. LOL

On topic, let’s see……

Kym

September 4th, 2009
9:08 am

Good Morning All, Happy Friday!

Yes, I remember all of my first(kiss in grade school, sex in high school, love in high school) and my first BF is on my Facebook page..the memories don’t bring back heartbreak..it brings on feelings of YES!!! DODGE THAT BULLET!! My first heartbreak came with the fellow after that..(actually he still brings about heartburn from time to time..)but alas I do care for the him.

Hmmm yes it believe early relationships sets a tone..but no I think the way we handle relationships is a combo of all experiences not just the early ones. Remember we grow and change. The way I loved in high school is not the way I love now.(I am quicker on the draw these days)

I think I have gain valuable lessons from all my past relationships. Patience comes to mind. I learn that I have to have alot of it.
Self-Love I learned that not everyone deserves a front seat in the drama that is our lives, some folks have to sit in the nosebleeds.
Loyalty-the ability to love someone at all cost, because not for what they can give you but because of who they really are.

Do you think that your first love thinks about you from time to time? Goodness I hope not!!! Already did and I don’t mind chatting with him at all. Been there done that..Moved on.

Wings()

September 4th, 2009
9:25 am

Thankfully, I have generally been able to take or leave most folks and I’ve generally been okay when a relationship has run it’s course…………………but In all honesty there has only been 2 real heartbreaks………..and that ish ain’t fun…………………after experiencing them………….I’ve worked to guard my heart.

Lioness- Me Myself & I is Off That

September 4th, 2009
9:28 am

Good Morning All

Kym- Self-Love I learned that not everyone deserves a front seat in the drama that is our lives, some folks have to sit in the nosebleeds.<– I agree!

Raqi...Living the Past, Present and Future

September 4th, 2009
9:41 am

Wings don’t you just love those “………………” LOL The are perfect for run-on sentences and babbling.

Page1908

September 4th, 2009
9:41 am

this is interesting. like 2 hours ago i found out that my ex from 2 years ago has a baby! well, i clicked on his page and noticed he had a few new photo albums, so i checked them and all the pics are of a baby boy….a newborn. some of the people who made comments said things like “wow, what a cutie” or “looks just like his daddy”, etc. i’m very annoyed by this but i don’t know why. now, i just saw this dude 2 weeks ago when i was out of town. do you think he mentioned anything to me? of course not. like a few mos ago he told me “well, i wanted to settle down with you, but you moved to GA”. so of course now, i am just irked. gtfoh!

I guess there are some things on Facebook I really don’t want to see. *sigh*

Page1908

September 4th, 2009
9:43 am

SexyCool where are you? I forgot to log on the FB last night to get in on your weekly trainwreck commentary. i just read all of it this morning lol.

Lioness- Me Myself & I is Off That

September 4th, 2009
9:44 am

Page- That is WACK but what can you do.. SMDH!

Chink

September 4th, 2009
9:49 am

First Love …I was with him for 4 years. He gave me serious butterflies :) Years later we tried to reconnect but the feelings were not there on my part. I think after him I realized there was so much more out there. Funny how guys think they can always have you no matter how much time passed ….

Wings()

September 4th, 2009
9:51 am

@Raqi – Yea…………it’s more conversational ……………hey are you familiar with speed-networking?
or Face book meet-up parties?

@Page – Like kym said, be glad you dodged that bullet! Dust your shoulders off……………

Page1908

September 4th, 2009
9:56 am

Lioness and Wings- Exactly. I’m not really salty about it like i wish it was me (no way), but i’m like why didn’t he ever mention it to me, especially since i just saw him like 2 weeks ago. he told me last summer that his ex was preggers and i asked him if the baby was his and he was like “no we never had sex”. I was like oh ok. now look. i mean, the pics are on his FB page, so i am assuming it is his baby. soooo i guess they did have sex afterall. smdh.

Raqi...Living the Past, Present and Future

September 4th, 2009
9:56 am

Page I have never had that experience with an ex but my very best friend since 6th grade did me like that. He and I were friends from 6th grade until I married my present husband.

All of our friendship and growing up experiences we shared were just made nonexistent. His mother died and he didn’t tell. His sister called me. He got married and didn’t tell and he had baby.

Just like that our relationship as friends completed vanished. I was really hurt because like I said we had been very close friends for so long and nothing.

I understand that he and my husband had an exchange of words but I thought a simple phone call to tell me things that I would like to have known about in his life would have been appreciated. We shared so much in the past. But I guess that is just selfishness on my part.

Wings()

September 4th, 2009
9:56 am

A line from En vogue……….Hold On To Your Love

The art of playing games now Is not the hearts you break Its bound to good love you make.

Lioness- Me Myself & I is Off That

September 4th, 2009
10:00 am

Page- Lame dudes tend to tell women what they THINK she wants to hear..

Raqi- He probably liked you all along..

Wings()

September 4th, 2009
10:03 am

@Raqi & Page – Either he is just a liar, ashamed or he still has feelings for you………….like I said earlier, when folks break your heart, if there was anything authentic about it………..theirs usually end up being broken too…………………(feeling like the sisters in the bathroom at the wedding in the Movie Soul Food)

Leggs

September 4th, 2009
10:04 am

Great topic. My first love brings me back to Michael Jackson’s “Dancing Machine.” Reese was fabulous on the dance floor. Our first kiss was awkward because neither one of us knew how to kiss so we made the best of it. Our noses got in the way, but we quickly found our way around it.

I honestly cannot remember my first heartbreak. I was so nonchalant growing up that when it was over, it was over. I truly kept it moving.

Do you think our first and early experiences with love sets the precedent for how we will handle relationships later? To a point, Yes! As we mature, we look back on the silly moments, the jump to conclusions we had then, the insecurities (for those that had it), the jealousy, the childish pranks and it all helps mold us going forward. I still think about Reese wondering what he’s doing. Looking back at the path he was going down, he might be dead or in jail (not many people made it off Simpson Road back in the day).

Is there a person from your past that taught you the most about love? What was the lesson? Yes, I was 18. A neighbor would compliment just about every time he saw me. Knew him for about 7 years. I was maturing, but I wasn’t stupid. One day he asked if he could take me out to lunch. Right then and there, I found out that married men were jerks! I was somewhat bewildered because my family knew his family well. That may have been my first lesson in adult disrespect!!

Do you think that your first love thinks about you from time to time? Probably not. What would you do if your first love contacted you on Facebook or found your number from your mother or friend? Being single and conscious free (meaning I wouldn’t have to vacillate over should I contact him or not because I don’t want to disrespect the person I’m currently with), I would be tickled!

Page1908

September 4th, 2009
10:08 am

Omg Raqi, yeah he could have said something. I mean, a family member dying, getting married, having a baby are major things in a person’s life. how do you just not tell someone those things?!

Lioness and Wings- true. Wings you 10:03 is on point because last summer he told me that the ex dumped him to get back with her ex boyfriend! so i was over his house during the day one day while i was on vacation and he was posted up on the phone outside for like an hour. when he came back in i was like “is everything ok” not knowing who he was talking to. he was like yeah that was my ex. i’m like the one who dumped you and got preggers by her ex? and he was just quiet. to me, it’s like if this girl supposedly dumped u and got preggers by her ex, why r u posted up on the phone with her for an hour while i am here? seriously! smdh.

Raqi...Living the Past, Present and Future

September 4th, 2009
10:09 am

Lioness Out of 27 years of friendship if that was the case he should have said something. I know I could never have entertained a relationship with him because he was like a brother to me but I wish he would have said something rather than just disappearing like that. How do you throw away 27 years of friendship like that? He is the man that broke heart in a non-intimate type of way.

Leggs

September 4th, 2009
10:11 am

Goodness gracious!

Wings()

September 4th, 2009
10:12 am

I was so nonchalant growing up that when it was over, it was over. I truly kept it moving.

@Leggs – That was me………..being the youngest of 5 kids, I got plenty of love, hugs, kisses and attention(wanted and unwanted) at home…………………..boys were optional

My sister said the kids now date in groups…………I think that’s a good idea

Dream_n

September 4th, 2009
10:12 am

Ahh…. my first love :)

Haven’t thought about “him” in a while.. While I think it was me who was in love I don’t think it was returned lol. I believe he genuinely cared for me but loved me i don’t think so…

Don’t think I’d too much care if i saw him…

Mo (aka Moeisha -TGIF!!)

September 4th, 2009
10:15 am

Morning Everyone!

Page1908 – I agree with Wings, either dude is just a liar or he still has feelings for you and was hoping by lying you might say something HE wanted to hear. Dont wrack your brain trying to understand it!

“Do you remember your first? The first person you kissed. The first person you fell hard for and made a total fool of yourself over? What about your first heartbreak?” Remember them all! My first kiss contacted me on FB, first person I fell hard for I still converse with (though he’s married with lil ones now) and he was also my first heartbreak.

“Do you think that your first love thinks about you from time to time?” Yep

Wings()

September 4th, 2009
10:16 am

Omission = A lie

Lioness- Me Myself & I is Off That

September 4th, 2009
10:16 am

Page- Some dudes just don’t think or consider other the people they hurt with their lies.. I rather be hurt by the truth than blinded by a lie then to find out the truth!

Raqi- I had a best friend stop talking to me for no apparent reason and TO THIS DAY, she hasn’t been woman enough to say ANYTHING to me.. We were friends for 17 yrs.. SMDH!!
I think losing a friendship causes just as much heartache as getting your heart broken by your lover..

Page1908

September 4th, 2009
10:18 am

Leggs

September 4th, 2009
10:19 am

I agree, Lioness on loving losing a friend!

Raqi...Living the Past, Present and Future

September 4th, 2009
10:26 am

I would say my first husband taught me a lot about love in that his death was somewhat brought about in him trying to be the best young husband he could be. His love for our little family and the little stuff that we did own had him out there working his fingers to the bone trying to make ends meet. He was working 2-1/2 jobs and coming home at 3am in the morning from his second job he was hit head on by a drunk driver.

That was a very sad day and time in my life. But I like to find the good in everything especially when the good is there. Mason being his best friend came to the hospital that day and sat there with me looking at my husband’s lifeless body. And being his best friend AND knowing he had left a little baby boy behind Mason made it his business to stay in touch and check in every now and then to see how my son was doing and if I needed anything for him. Even when he went to live in Virginia for 2 years he still stayed in touch.

We would see each other at parties and whatnot of mutual friends from back in the day. I would get invited to his birthday parties by his brother. And at one time we lived in the same general area and would see each other coming and going. I met the only other women that he says he ever considered marrying. She didn’t like me but oh well. I didn’t do anything to her but be friends with her boyfriend.

This is getting long so Imma break for a minute right here.

Page1908

September 4th, 2009
10:27 am

Lioness- I agree. i guess sometimes friendships just end or they are similar to relationships in that they just fall off.

Wings()

September 4th, 2009
10:27 am

I think losing a friendship causes just as much heartache as getting your heart broken by your lover..

@ Lioness – Yes! I almost broke up with my BFF over a misunderstanding……..and we were both moping around like lost puppies until we made up………I absolutely felt heartbreak with our relationship hanging in the balance…………..

Do you think men really have Bromances?

Mo (aka Moeisha -TGIF!!)

September 4th, 2009
10:29 am

Lioness – I co-sign that about the friend. My 1st college roommate stopped speaking to me out of the blue as well. I did ask her once if there was something wrong and she lied saying no. I didnt press it, obviously she was done with whatever it was and Im not begging anyone to be my friend but I thought that was crazy! And we were part of a group of 5 so the other 3 were like “huh???” Oh well, I let it go and kept it moving and suprisingly she stopped speaking to our other 3 friends as well

Page1908

September 4th, 2009
10:29 am

lol @ Bromances. i think they really do!

Wings()

September 4th, 2009
10:29 am

@Raqi – Sister hug to you too…………..But what a great standard he set for you (sniff, sniff)

Wings()

September 4th, 2009
10:33 am

Speaking of sister hugs and misunderstandings…………..where is Ared?

East Point's Own

September 4th, 2009
10:36 am

If you no longer consider someone a friend, why would it be expected that you share intimate details of you life with this person? I have had this conversation with an ex girlfriend. After our relationship ended she still wanted updates on my life, and I told her that my life is no longer her concern… and its not. THe same goes for a person who I may no longer consider a friend, no matter what we did in the past the fact is that we are not cool now. I don’t want someone to “re-friend” me because of events that occur in my life, if you wanted to make things right with me you should do it when life is good/normal.

http://hispointofview.com/past-habits

Chink

September 4th, 2009
10:36 am

Lion ..I agree I had a best friend like that …I don’t know what happened I just stopped trying to reconcile …she still wanted to be mad about “who knows”.

One thing about friendships I dont like having female friends who are too emotional. We not sleeping with each other …Meaning when your in a relationship I can see why emotions can run high but with my close friends I should be able to run to for “emotionless” activities. Once emotions come into my friendships I back off…I am not your man.

Lioness- Me Myself & I is Off That

September 4th, 2009
10:37 am

Mo- That is weird but you have nothing else to do but keep it moving!

Raqi...Living the Past, Present and Future

September 4th, 2009
10:44 am

It was 10 years after my first husband’s dying that Mason and I made a connection. No one could have made me believe even 2 years before it happened that he and I would have gotten together and be together this day. He says he felt the same way. He didn’t see it happening before it happened. He was a tried and true friend. He cared for my first son like he was his very own during our platonic friendship. And when my second son was born he would ask about his well being also.

Those ten years passed and we were brought together thru a true friend gesture of him just bringing my son home for me 2 and sometimes 3 days a week. When he would drop him off we would talk and sometimes it would be hours later before we realized the time. His girl or women friend(s) would call sometimes and he sometimes would ignore their calls or tell them he would call them back later.

After about a year of that one day he made a joking flirty comment about me legs. I laughed it off but I didn’t realize how much I was being drawn to him until after that day. I begin to think about him a lot. At times when I should not have been. And yeah, eventually in ways that I should not have been. But I never let him know that. LOL
He was there for me when my second son’s father wanted to start acting up and thought he could just force himself on me and in my life.

I am almost done yall don’t hate me. LOL I just like telling this every now and then.

Leggs

September 4th, 2009
10:46 am

@RPC ~ “If you no longer consider someone a friend, why would it be expected that you share intimate details of you life with this person?” I’ve always wondered about this myself. I have a friend that is still pissed that her ex-boyfriend didn’t tell her he had married someone else when she saw him at the grocery store 2 weeks before finding out the news. She cried and cussed him out (to me). When it’s over, it’s over. They’re not obligated to tell you anything intimate about their lives if they care not to.

Wings() (muse)

September 4th, 2009
10:48 am

@EPO – Inspiration is another face of love…………..I’m humbled that you found inspiration in my words.

Leggs

September 4th, 2009
10:48 am

@Raqi ~ whatever “choice words” Mason had with your ex-friend, that probably was the beginning of the end. Apparently, he couldn’t find it in him to tell you about his mother passing, but at least the sister called and told you.

Mo (aka Moeisha -TGIF!!)

September 4th, 2009
10:49 am

Lioness – LOL! It was crazy b/c people knew our crew and thought it was weird when they would see her & I in the same place but not speaking. When I found out she stopped speaking to everyone else I laughed. She was really sensitive though and sometimes I would tell her “you need to suck it up, its not that serious”.

EPO – if someone is no longer a friend/SO then no I wouldnt share details either. You are right, it isnt your business. Yet when you say we are friends and then dont treat me like one is where the problem lies

Wings() (muse)

September 4th, 2009
10:51 am

Raqi – Sometimes love happens……….when you are not paying attention………….I hope the both of you continue to share that story with your kids.

Leggs

September 4th, 2009
10:51 am

Oh my, fingers got busy. I don’t know who RPC is, meant to type EPO.

@Raqi, I like hearing that story, especially when he didn’t know he was standing behind the door.

East Point's Own

September 4th, 2009
10:53 am

@Mo yeah if they claim to still be cool then yes that might be an issue of concern… but other than that…..

http://hispointofview.com

Wings() (muse)

September 4th, 2009
10:53 am

Mo & EPO – I don’t necessarily think that ( withholding life information) applies to folks who have been lovers………..friends yes………….lovers……….no

[...] Wise Diva wrote an interesting post today onFirst Cut Is the Deepest | Misadventures in AtlantaHere’s a quick excerpt [...]

Raqi...Living the Past, Present and Future

September 4th, 2009
11:04 am

It was one rainy Saturday afternoon in April, my father had taken my sons for the weekend I was just tired and exhausted. I was at Costco doing my shopping and I ran into Mason there. We talked friendly for a few minutes and he asked me to join him for lunch. We went back to his place where he cooked a fabulous meal and we sat on the couch and talked for hours listening to the rain beat against the concrete patio floor right outside his den.

We were both sitting there kinda sideways on the couch facing each other just talking. I have asked him before what made him kiss me that afternoon and he says that I asked him to. But you all do know I didn’t ask this man to kiss me literally. LOL Really I didn’t. And lawd I didn’t ask him to do all that other stuff that he did to me that afternoon but I am so glad he did. A sister was starving. LOL

But yeah, we went on still being friends until one he invited to be his date to a wedding of one of his relatives. That was our first date and the day we became a couple. Now some may say a couple of loonies but hey I like, I love, I want some of it.

The Beginning.

Lioness- Me Myself & I is Off That

September 4th, 2009
11:07 am

Some people are just plain ol different! I value friendships & relationships! If I hear ANYTHING about my SO or friend, I am going to ask them about first before I draw any conclusions(ending the friendship or relationship). I don’t care how credible the source is.. I owe it to that person to check with them first. What I look like saying “I stopped speaking to her cause of what she told me”? That is so childish!