Playing it Safe?
Good Morning! We have a guest blogger with us today who asks the question, Are you playing it safe?
We all know dating is cumbersome at best. Quite a few of us are scared to even venture back into the dating world because of the character of both sexes. So many are out for themselves and developing and keeping a relationship is not on the agenda. The mindset of get yours while the getting is good seems to be prevalent in today’s society. Honestly, how many of you are just playing it safe? Hiding within your “comfort zone” afraid to venture into new territory because of the wall that you built up over your heart? This way, you feel you are safe. Your comfort zone bars you from being embarrassed when taking a chance on dating. Your comfort zone prohibits anyone from seeing your loneliness. How many of you are playing it safe simply because you’re afraid to date? More importantly, not sure if you have much to offer because you’re still working on yourself?
These are some great questions posed! What would it take to get out of the comfort zone? What are some ways someone could start to do that? We need tips and ideas! Let’s help each other take a step out of the comfort zone today.
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594 comments Add your comment
AmazonRed™ - the get down chick
September 1st, 2009
9:10 am
Morning all –
The only comfort zone I’m in is that I haven’t gone to the other side and started dating different races. Other than that, I’m not afraid to be out there in the dating world. You can’t win if you don’t take the field.
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
9:22 am
Playing it safe is a normal reaction after you have encountered a number of bad hits. After having your heart broken and continually running into the random duds we often tend to become guarded. I know I did. You get tired of coming up empty time and time again. But you know even though it’s easier said than done you should never lose faith when it comes to love. Yeah the pickings are getting slimmer and slimmer by the year but you don’t want to ever cheat yourself out of finding that love that your deserve.
And there are always the others. You’ll never know until you give it a try. Maybe your special someone is wrapped in a different package that the one you thought it would be.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 1st, 2009
9:26 am
Good Morning WD and All,
I wrestle sometimes with these issues for several reasons, some that are not even mentioned above. Do I suffer from confidnece, no. Do I worry about putting my heart out there, sometimes. Do I consider myself a work in progress, definitely.
What is not mentioned above is what is for me an even bigger concern than all of the above. That is that I just don’t want to hurt someone else. I’ve tasted rejection plenty in my life, personally, professionally, and even in family relations…and know the sting of it. For that reason, I hate kicking someone else to the curb, when most of them are genuinely nice people looking for that special someone too. Sometimes for me, it is easier not to get out there than to take a chance on rejecting someone because my standards are so high. Right now I am dealing with how to let a lady down easily, but I know it is not going to grow in the way it should. I know I have to leave, but it is for nothing she has done wrong. That is what bothers me the most…not hurting me, but hurting someone else.
AmazonRed™ - the get down chick
September 1st, 2009
9:30 am
That is what bothers me the most…not hurting me, but hurting someone else.
RandyT – That is a good one. Especially when you know they haven’t done anything wrong. Good luck to you. It’s never easy, but I know she’ll thank you later one day for letting her go so she can find the one she’s really meant to be with.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 1st, 2009
9:35 am
Re: Tips…
For guys, go to dance classes (ballroom, salsa, latin, etc. Usually there are more women than men, safe environment usually, good exercise, and surprisingly fun and relatively cheap.
Get involved in singles groups at a large church. You don’t have to be a memeber and a lot of them do things like hiking, restaurants, etc., on weekends.
Join a hiking club, a good way to meet people who are, to be diplomatic, able to walk farther than from the couch to the refrigerator.
Get involved with several singles groups in the city that just do things together.
These are generally “safe” (or at least safer than the typical “bar scene”) and contrary to popular belief, most of these people are smart, and not boring “church lady” types…they just like a more comfortable environment.
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 1st, 2009
9:35 am
I’ll start with a quote of Gucci Mayne the great “Girls are like buses and the next one is comng in the next 15″ Just kidding..
Hey there is no reward without risk. So you gotta get out there throw caution to the wind and however it goes it goes. Words I live by “Play it how it go.”
Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
September 1st, 2009
9:36 am
Good Morning All,
I know I stay within my comfort zone for dating. Frankly not because of a wall, but because I am committment phobic. I would rather stay with the devils I do know than fool with the ones I don’t. I don’t buy into that I am working on me stuff..hell I know me, I like me, I am just selfish with me. Those that know me, have come to know all of my quirks, irks, and moods. Someone new.. well they have to be trained and that just starts the process all over again.
SexyCool is a way of life.
September 1st, 2009
9:37 am
Three Words Daily – Shine, Light. Shine!
SexyCool is a way of life.
September 1st, 2009
9:42 am
ARed – Get down, gone ‘head, get down.
Infamous – I always say, “Play it how it COMES.”
As to the safety of it all, I am extremely comfortable in my present zone with my present lifestyle. My PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) is in only allowing individuals who will add to my life. I need no one who comes to take anything away.
Chink
September 1st, 2009
9:43 am
Once during a single spell I joined a singles group. Never thought I would do that …but it was enlightening because it was not about hooking up but embracing your singlehood. I did meet a couple of jerks though
goes to show they are everywhere you just have to set those deal breakers …what you are willing to accept and not. But it was clear that it really doesnt matter where you meet him just know if he has what you are looking for.
abc
September 1st, 2009
9:45 am
Life is tough, wear a cup. Or a helmet, as the case may be. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and so forth.
AmazonRed™ - the get down chick
September 1st, 2009
9:48 am
Get down, gone ‘head, get down.
SexyCool, you have me doing the “get down dance” at my desk now.
Dream_n
September 1st, 2009
9:51 am
I remember thinking that dating was just dating, having fun, meeting new people, then if it doesnt work it doesn’t work…
Now, when I do decide to date again I’m not going to be guarded, but my blinders will definately not be up… Playing it safe can be a good thing…
SexyCool is a way of life.
September 1st, 2009
9:51 am
She give me money…When I’m in need….
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
9:53 am
RandyT it’s not even a matter of people not finding mates but it’s the suitable mates that’s the problem. And are people willing to let their guards down to let that person in. Sometimes we cheat ourselves.
Lioness
September 1st, 2009
9:53 am
Good Morning,
Randy- The truth is always appreciated & the sooner the better.
DK-Hey there is no reward without risk. So you gotta get out there throw caution to the wind and however it goes it goes<– I agree
Grace
September 1st, 2009
9:55 am
Beyond what is comfortable
Progress is made by doing what you have not done before. To truly grow stronger, you must step beyond what is comfortable and familiar.
Just outside your door is a whole wonderful world of new possibilities. And with those new possibilities come new and difficult challenges.
Go ahead, and have the courage to open that door and to step outside your comfort zone. For though the challenges are many, the rewards are more valuable than you can imagine.
You are designed and equipped and intended for great things. You are flexible and adaptable and creative and intelligent enough to successfully handle whatever you encounter.
Beyond the comfort of what you already know, you’ll find the wonder and magnificence of all you can become. Go explore and fulfill the very best possibilities.
Love the moment your in, enjoy the gift of being content.
Lioness
September 1st, 2009
9:58 am
Grace- Love your post!! Love the moment your in, enjoy the gift of being content.<– That line is the TRUTH!!
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 1st, 2009
10:00 am
Dang Grace.. I felt a tear falling. That was mucho excellente
Grace
September 1st, 2009
10:07 am
Thanks, but I can’t take the credit, Ralph Marston is the mastermind behind these lovely writings. I pick a message that ties into Wise’s topic, so far so good!
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 1st, 2009
10:12 am
Grace – Yeah but sometimes we need to hear things we hadnt heard in a while to refresh us.. No matter where it came from
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 1st, 2009
10:16 am
OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul
aggwitt
September 1st, 2009
10:21 am
WD – glad to see you still doing this. As it relates to comfort zone, how about changing the scenery completely. Move if you are not finding success in your area, state or country.
Leggs
September 1st, 2009
10:24 am
Good morning everyone.
Playing it safe definitely helps filter through some of the negative aspects of dating. However, I realize you won’t find anything or anyone if you don’t open your front door and venture out into the crazy world of dating. Sure, it definitely can be a juggling act, even dropping a few balls, but it’s better than sitting in corner all by yourself. You have to kiss a few “turds” before that gem shines in front of you. {{{MUAH}}}!
Page1908
September 1st, 2009
10:26 am
LOL @ Randy asking his own questions, then answering them. OMG.
Leggs
September 1st, 2009
10:27 am
DAMN, Infamous, I loved reading that! Sheesh, got me all mushy over here!
Grace
September 1st, 2009
10:29 am
Your so right DK….that’s the reason why I share.
AmazonRed™ - the get down chick
September 1st, 2009
10:30 am
This blog is like an AA meeting at times.
Grace
September 1st, 2009
10:33 am
AA 12 steps have helped alot of people out.
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 1st, 2009
10:34 am
Thats why youre here and admitting to having a problem is the first step..
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
10:34 am
Hello Aggwit.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 1st, 2009
10:35 am
Hey Page … I was sort of paraphrasing WD for the questions that I answered. Those are not really my problem to any great extent. My reasons for sometimes not getting out there are more likely to come from having to choose one and kick the others to the curb. It is not “all about me”, in my book.
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
10:35 am
Dang all these inspirational sayings and whatnot…
SexyCool whatcha got?
aggwitt
September 1st, 2009
10:37 am
Hi Raqi, Hey CSC
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
10:41 am
got me all mushy over here
Mushy is good. LOL
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 1st, 2009
10:43 am
Leggs – I like it when you get mushy.. I do I do..
SexyCool is a way of life.
September 1st, 2009
10:44 am
Closing my eyes and letting my mind wander across the floor of my soul, I bumped into Mistakes, Bad Moves and Regrets. They were taunting me, jeering, making fun of the missteps in my past. I pressed the mute button.
Continuing on, I walked into a clearing. There I found Acceptance, Ambition and Confidence. They told me to turn my face to the sun and let my shadows fall behind me.
I stood there grateful for the joy of a thousand possibilities.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
September 1st, 2009
10:45 am
Morning All!
Raqi – “And are people willing to let their guards down to let that person in. Sometimes we cheat ourselves.” Co-signing 100%
Grace – I like Ralph Marston as well, a friend sends me his emails often.
” Honestly, how many of you are just playing it safe? Hiding within your “comfort zone” afraid to venture into new territory because of the wall that you built up over your heart? This way, you feel you are safe.” Mo raising her hand. Its easier said than done to jump out there but im tackling it slowly but surely.
SexyCool is a way of life.
September 1st, 2009
10:46 am
AGGWITT!!!! – Glad to see you in da building.
I just want y’all to know that I was experiencing technical difficulties during the draft last night. I could see y’all talking about me, but couldn’t get to the chat function.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
September 1st, 2009
10:47 am
SexyCool – like that 10:44 chica
Compelling
September 1st, 2009
10:47 am
@ SexyCool- I like that one a lot. Nice.
AmazonRed™ - the get down chick
September 1st, 2009
10:50 am
Thats why youre here and admitting to having a problem is the first step..
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
10:50 am
LOL Infamous I like mushy also. I am meeting the marido for lunch in about 1 hr so I am all for mushy right now.
Leggs
September 1st, 2009
10:51 am
“Hiding within your “comfort zone” afraid to venture into new territory because of the wall that you built up over your heart? This way, you feel you are safe.” Mo, I’m on the couch with you. I too will raise my hand!
Raqi/Infamous ~ you guys are funny.
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
10:51 am
That’s good SexyCool.
SexyCool is a way of life.
September 1st, 2009
10:59 am
For you, Raqi.
Grace
September 1st, 2009
11:05 am
I like that SexyCool!…..I press the mute button – lawd
Melo
September 1st, 2009
11:06 am
This blog is like an AA meeting at times
hehehe Ared
Im trying to pic u at 45,as an elderly alcoholic lady,dancing alone on the dance floor in the club!
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
11:07 am
I threw caution to the wind when I walked out the house this morning wearing a garter belt and stockings. I haven’t worn gb for more than an hour or so in a very, very, very long time. This damn thing is quite the uncomfortable wear.
Playing it safe is being sure to put a pair of pantyhose in my purse for later. LOL
I know, I know, TMI.
Lioness
September 1st, 2009
11:08 am
Melo-
Page1908
September 1st, 2009
11:09 am
OMG Raqi, I haven’t worn stockings since i was like 4 years old. I don’t see how on earth you could wear them. A couple of times back in 1998 I think, I wore some black patterned tights I got from New York and Company. That’s about all I can take!
Melo
September 1st, 2009
11:09 am
Playing it safe like going to bed in his bed,wearing ur wig.
Grace
September 1st, 2009
11:11 am
Melo
Page1908
September 1st, 2009
11:12 am
LOL @ wearing a wig to bed. I think i read somewhere that Tyra Banks wears her wigs to bed when she has a boyfriend.
Leggs
September 1st, 2009
11:13 am
@SexyCool ~ very, very nice!
AmazonRed™ - the get down chick
September 1st, 2009
11:13 am
Im trying to pic u at 45,as an elderly alcoholic lady,dancing alone on the dance floor in the club!
melo – I don’t do clubs now. But you can catch me on a remote island somewhere, chillin!
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
11:14 am
Page the stockings aren’t the problem, it’s the garter belt that is uncomfortable. I can’t take the belt off because the top of the stockings are lace with no elastic.
Good lawd what was I thinking? LOL
Lioness
September 1st, 2009
11:15 am
Page- I agree but I think(hope) Raqi was wearing thigh highs or else there would be no reason for the garter belt..
Page1908
September 1st, 2009
11:15 am
SexyCool and For Real- I caught the tail end of yesterday when you were talking about height. lmao! *shrugs*
AmazonRed™ - the get down chick
September 1st, 2009
11:16 am
Since everyone is being inspirational today…
“Someone was hurt before you; wronged before you; hungry before you; frightened before you; humiliated before you; yet someone survived.” -Maya Angelou
Lioness
September 1st, 2009
11:17 am
I thought garter belts were only for the bedroom.. Don’t they have thigh highs with that plastic sticky stuff @ the top?
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 1st, 2009
11:17 am
Raqi – Gosh darnit.. I bet Mase is gonna ish his pants off that one.. Garter belt n stockings.. A lost art
Page1908
September 1st, 2009
11:18 am
Ohhhhhhh ok thigh high stockings? Ok, that is a *little* better. I’ve worn them like maybe once or twice in a pageant, but that’s about it.
Lioness- ok,gotcha. I just remembered that last year for Halloween I wore some fish net stockings with my costumes. The crotch was sagging down big time, but luckily the skirt i wore was like a “skort”, so i wore the skort over the stockings, and that helped with the sagging crotch. Staceye was like “omg”! lmao. I hate when the size says “one size fits all”! *yeah right*!
aggwitt
September 1st, 2009
11:19 am
Raqi trying to get that promotion by any means necessary. She got out of her comfort zone of pantyhose and matronly wear and decided to shake things up. Kudos to you! Hope the bossman recognizes the effort.
Lioness
September 1st, 2009
11:19 am
Ared-
LOVE THE TRUTH!!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 1st, 2009
11:20 am
@ Raqi … TMI, maybe. A visual that helps break the boredom of the office, definitely
Reminds me about a gal I had the hots for in high school who wore stockings and garters. Next year is a HS reunion…may be time to make the play I didn’t make back then. Hmmmm, thanks for the memories.
Lioness
September 1st, 2009
11:20 am
Page-
I am DEAD @ the sagging crothch!!!!!!! LMAO!!!
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 1st, 2009
11:21 am
Page – Theres a cure for sagging stokings.. Cut a hole in the crotch for easy access
Lioness
September 1st, 2009
11:22 am
agg-
AmazonRed™ - the get down chick
September 1st, 2009
11:22 am
Raqi trying to get that promotion by any means necessary.
Page1908
September 1st, 2009
11:22 am
Lioness! lmao, you know how the crotch sags? ughhhhhhhhhh i hate that so much. i dont see how dudes can sag their pants. i hate a saggy crotch. i mean, i don’t want a camel toe either, but sagging crotch? no thanks!
Page1908
September 1st, 2009
11:25 am
LOL Filthy DK! well, the cure for saggy crotch stockings is that i don’t wear them. stockings are old school to me. The other day I finally found the body shaper of my dreams so I need to say good bye to my Spanx and hello to the Body Magic! And guess what…it’s has a crotch opening that you can just open and snap close (for easy access) to use the bathroom! lol
hey AggWitt!
Melo
September 1st, 2009
11:25 am
I don’t see how on earth you could wear them
arent female managers/execs required to wear pant hose at some jobs??
they do at my job,is that.
I read smewhere that that is the appropriate attire for female execs………
dont be showing ur stanky shining leggs to all the prying eyes of other male execs,its distracting
(Page1908 just went by ,lemme fixx my wang..putting my left hand in my left pocket)
Leggs
September 1st, 2009
11:25 am
@Raqi ~ nothing wrong with getting your sexy on!
“Your comfort zone prohibits anyone from seeing your loneliness.” Not necessarily from seeing my loneliness cuz I’m merely alone not lonely. I find it all so very easy to stay in my comfort zone, my regular routine to help time fly by. However, a gf pointed out a regular Friday routine I now find myself engaging in which, she says, speaks of “old ladies’ syndrome.” So, I find myself altering that activity. We both had to laugh cuz it has become a ritual.
Grace
September 1st, 2009
11:25 am
Lioness actually they’re not just for the bedroom, typically they are worn under your wedding dress. I’ve worn them a few times, they are so sexy.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 1st, 2009
11:25 am
“Saggin crotch” that sure brings up visions of “granny panties”. Dayum I hate those. “French cut” are my personal favorites if the lady has the legs and particularly long things to wear them. Makes me realize it has been awhile since a lady had dragged me into VS.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 1st, 2009
11:26 am
long thighs not long things…typo
aggwitt
September 1st, 2009
11:28 am
well to be fair page we dudes have an extra appendage there…
W8©
September 1st, 2009
11:28 am
Hey aggwitt!
Playing it safe…I used to have an all or nothing attitude…but I have been slowly transformed into a play it safe person…I am more cautious in dating rather than jsut going for what I know…I guess I just got tired of the cycles…on the other hand its hard to deal with someone who is playing it safe…because their hesitance may come off as warning signs for me to not get involved with them or to pull back…hmmmm I guess I can give off the same vibes at times….
there is no experience like actual experience…and until you experience your experience you are inexperienced…..MESSAGE
Leggs
September 1st, 2009
11:29 am
Thigh highs are sexy as hell.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 1st, 2009
11:30 am
@ Page re the “snap” Funny story (well as long as it is someone else). I knew this lady who liked to wear “body suits” with those snaps. One night she was in a restaurant and may have had a few too many glasses of wine. She went to the ladies room, and while she was in the stall bent over to snap her crotch…banged and broke her nose on the door handle. Not pretty. Her nose was swollen for weeks.
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
11:33 am
LOL Infamous A woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do.
Aggwit LMBO still witty I see. My boss is old. He’ll go into cardiac arrest if I raised this skirt.
Melo
September 1st, 2009
11:33 am
Thigh highs are sexy as hell
didnt know u like females Leggs!
(oh u said it smetime back)
AmazonRed™ - the get down chick
September 1st, 2009
11:34 am
LMAO @ “appendage.”
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 1st, 2009
11:35 am
Page – I dunno about anyone else but I like a good ole camel toe… Not a nasty one but a good ole sexy camel toe.. Piyow!!
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
11:35 am
I thought garter belts were only for the bedroom
Lioness these days? yes the are.
That’s the whole idea. And read what aggwit said. I am aiming to get a raise except not from the boss but from the man…my man. LOL
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
11:37 am
LOL RandyT Anytime.
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
11:39 am
Enter your comments here
Leggs
September 1st, 2009
11:40 am
Shet it up Melo! Thigh highs are stockings!
W8©
September 1st, 2009
11:40 am
on thigh highs…garters..sexy out of the ordinary under garments and Lingerie…man there is nothing better than undressing a woman out of her normal everyday business suit and seeing that stuff….it pushes me over the edge…it’s like a surprise……because either i just caught her on a good day..or that is her normal routine…I dont like it when a woman “dresses up” for me like that…hell just be in some “boy shorts”(why do they call them boy shorts) thong or some french cut panties..and a tank top..fresh out the shower..that turns me on
Leggs
September 1st, 2009
11:41 am
Never said I liked females. Said I was “curious” at a point in my life but never acted on it. Don’t get it twisted!
Melo
September 1st, 2009
11:45 am
ugghhh Leggs (wit a wry smile atcha)
Raqi...A Natural Woman
September 1st, 2009
11:46 am
man there is nothing better than undressing a woman out of her normal everyday business suit and seeing that stuff
W8 hopefully when I get in the car and cross my legs the top of the stockings will show. I wore the right skirt hoping for that effect. LOL
Let me stop and go wait for my ride…I mean lunch date.
Leggs
September 1st, 2009
11:51 am
@Melo ~ I saw that wry smile when you typed the post!
@Raqi ~ you remind me of myself in certain areas!
@W8 ~ when a man undresses a woman and see the sexy attire underneath and gasps, our mission has been successful!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
September 1st, 2009
11:51 am
(Randy wondering on what corner Raqi is waiting for ride). So many corners, so little time.
aggwitt
September 1st, 2009
11:52 am
I got on sock garters right now. Somehow I dont think it will have the same affect on wifey that Raqi’s will have on her date.
Melo
September 1st, 2009
11:57 am
I got on sock garters right now
what? i thoght the garters were a female thang…..
or is aggwitt a female wifing another female??
help,help!
Leggs
September 1st, 2009
12:01 pm
“a female wifing another female” What exactly is that?
Men wear sock garters (but I thought only old men wore these who’s elastic has stretched in their socks, so I thought)!
Melo
September 1st, 2009
12:02 pm
What exactly is that(a female wifing another female)
oh,u havent been to cali….?? ask Page!
aggwitt
September 1st, 2009
12:03 pm
yeah sock garters are an older man thing.