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Archive for September, 2009

Blame Angelina Jolie

There has been actual research on so-called “mate poaching”.  They found out that a lot of single women aren’t exactly hunting for other singles. Sometimes, they look for the coupled up men and “poach” them away from their current relationship. It’s like the Angelina Jolie syndrome because she supposedly began a relationship with Brad Pitt while he was married.

The results of the research: “Single women were more interested in the man when he was described as attached (90% interested) than when he was described as single (59%). Men showed no difference in interest between a single and attached woman.”

The thing about these studies is that don’t leave much room for the variables. It’s interesting nonetheless, to see the “scientific” analysis about why women are attracted to men who aren’t available. What are your thoughts?

When you meet someone you are attracted to, is it more appealing when you find out a person is involved with someone already? Have you ever pursued someone …

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The Chase Has Changed

It’s no secret that women enjoy being pursued. When it’s a guy we really like all the gestures, time, and effort he puts into spending time with us builds chemistry. It’s something we don’t like going without once we’ve had it.

Are guys still interested in chasing women, though? I think they are, to a degree.  I think the way they pursue women has changed. The chase style of men varies of course but what keeps a man engaged in the chase?

Guys there are totally new ways you pursue women but we don’t always know when it’s happening. What is your pursuit style? Does your pursuit style depend on whether you are pursuing a serious relationship or something casual? How would a woman know the difference?

Ladies, do you think the chase has changed? If so, how?  In your experiences, what do you love most about being pursued?

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High Maintenance Men

You know the saying, “Never judge a book by it’s cover” is all well and good in theory. We shouldn’t make snap judgments because we certainly don’t like it when it’s done to us. At the same time, we size each other up based on our outside image.

Whenever I see a polished, well-dressed man, I always wonder how much time, money, and effort he put into his appearance. How long did it take him to get dressed? What were his pre-date rituals to get ready for the night?

I also wonder if the polished, well-dressed man will be the same man who will be high maintenance in a relationship. Ladies, have you ever dated a man that was high maintenance? Did he require a lot of attention? Would it bother you if the guy you were dating had cosmetic procedures, i.e.plastic surgery, etc.

Guys, do you spend a lot of time on grooming?  Do you consider yourself high maintenance? Have you ever dated a high maintenance woman? What do you think when you see a woman who is well-dressed and pulled …

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Don’t Be Cruel!

My friend Champ came up with a “laugh out loud” list of cruel things women do to men. First of all, I was shocked he stopped at four. Second of all, I think women at some time or another have committed these romantic crimes against humanity. I could only head my head in shame….and giggle.

1. Keeping friend-zoned guys around

2. Asking loaded questions with no right answers (see: Does my butt look big?)

3. Flirting with attached men.

4. Mentioning the fact you have a boyfriend, after the fact.

Now, this list certainly shows that women have to do better ! Guys, I’m sure you could add a lot to this list, right?

Ladies, if you could name your top “Don’t Be So Cruel” list that you’ve experienced, what would they be? Not stopping for directions? Leaving the toilet seat up? What are your pet peeves that the men you date and the men you love do to drive you nuts?

Maybe we can confess our romantic crimes and pledge to do better! What have you done that was so cruel and cold that you …

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She’s Strapped

File this under It’s Not Your Father’s Dating Scene: Brandon calls me after his first date with Kira because he wanted to know if he should be worried about something he noticed. As Kira was getting into her car, Brandon spotted a firearm in her handbag.  He wasn’t sure if she had it on her the entire evening or not but it definitely was a gun.  She didn’t notice that he saw the gun so they sort of just said goodnight and parted ways.

He asked me if I had a gun (no, not yet) and if it was normal for single women in Atlanta to take a gun on a date.   I’m all for protecting yourself as long as you do it responsibly and legally, especially women!  I didn’t think it was a red flag, per se, but I told Brandon to definitely talk to her about it. She may have strong opinions about it. Oh, and I also told him to try not to tick her off.

What do you think? Would you be bothered if someone you were dating carried a weapon for protection? If it’s not related to their occupation, would …

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Training Camp

We talked about how character traits of single parents could translate into the traits of a husband and wife on Monday. I started to think about how women are taught as children to be the nurturer. You know we get the dolls, the domestic type toys to play with and mimic our mothers.  As women get older, our “natural instinct” as women is cultivated by society.

By the time we reach adulthood, we’ve basically had a lifetime of “training camp” for motherhood.  I have talked to a lot of married women who say that they may not have felt prepared for marriage and family in the beginning, but it wasn’t long before they adapted. Is it because we spend our lives being groomed for the job, even when we don’t even know it?

What kind of training camp do men have for being a good mate? If a young boy is given a totally different set of toys and mimics what he sees, what has prepared him to be a father and husband? If you think about it, the traits of a “good husband” aren’t exactly …

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Things You Don’t Know

If you were to ask a man in a successful relationship what he knows about his woman, he would probably describe what makes her tick. When women are intimate with their men, they are willing to open up and be vulnerable to him. Risky business at times, but when you are with the right guy, it’s totally worth it to clue a man in on who you are.

If you were to ask single men who are dating what they know about women – in general, well there’s no telling what you would hear! Men who are dating tend to have their opinions about women based solely on the women they have met, dated, and spent quality time with in their past. Good or bad, that’s all they really know and the same goes for ladies. We tend to only draw from our personal experiences.

I think there is probably a boatload of things we don’t know about men and women. It’s hard to separate truth from fiction, reality from perception, etc., especially on a dating blog! I’m up for the challenge though, are you?

What are things …

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Single Parents Rock

It’s always a different experience when you are child-free and date someone who isn’t.  You have to adjust to a few things, just as you would any other relationship. I admire people with children who find the time to mingle and date. I can’t imagine juggling the demands of parenthood and squeezing in the energy and time to devote to dating!

For all the single parents, what advice would you give someone who is just starting to date as a single parent? How do you manage it? What have you found to be the most challenging part of dating?

If you are child-free, do you prefer to date other people who are too? Have you ever dated a person who had children before? What do you think is the best advice to someone who is dating someone with children?

There is something about a man who is handling his responsibilities as a father that is so attractive to me. When you see the nurturing and supportive side of a man, it’s very appealing. Men, do you ever talk about your children to the women …

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Too Good to be True

One of the tricky things about dating is figuring out who is authentic and who is not. It’s hard not to become a cynic after meeting the phonies and the crazies. When we actually the meet the totally normal, completely sane individual, we aren’t always prepared!

Have you ever met someone that seems like the ideal match for you? You are attracted to them and vice versa, you have wonderful chemistry together, and they even seem to have everything you’ve been looking for. Then doubt creeps in. The uninvited thing that makes you question if the person is too good to be true.

Why do you think we do this so often? Is there really such a thing as too good to be true? I have even been in a situation where I started to expect “the other shoe to drop” so to speak.  You know when you start looking for signs that the person isn’t as great as they seem? Most of the time, it’s not the other person that has the issue, it’s you! (ok, it’s me as well but I’m not alone, right?)

What is a good …

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Things that you do

A reader sent me a cute article about the ways women try to impress men and why they don’t work. It was kind of funny and sad at the same time! From nip/tucks and tanning to wearing loads of makeup, the list somewhat resembled the requirements of a beauty pageant or a bad VH1 reality show.

I won’t deny that putting on a pair of hot shoes and some rouge and lipstick for the fellas isn’t part of my routine. I definitely want to be desired and appreciated for my *ahem* beauty. However, I have found that being myself – as campy as that may sound – is really enough to snag the attention of men that I actually want to know. I also enjoy displaying my intellect, in a non-annoying way.  I am not one to dumb down things as  to appear coy and docile.

So guys, can you give us some tips on what actually impresses you about women? What do you appreciate about us the most and why? Do you think women put too much energy and focus on their appearance to get your attention?

Ladies, what do you …

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