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Archive for August, 2009

Numbers Game

Have you ever heard some outrageous statistic about the ratio of women to men in Atlanta? When I first moved here I heard that it was 15 to 1 or something like that. I know that dating can be a numbers game, but does that actually have an impact on how we are meeting and dating one another?

Do you even worry about the numbers or ratio of single people? Does it make us more competitive?

What do you think about the dating options in Atlanta? Are they working for you or against you?

Have you changed up your “type” because of the perceived ratio on the dating scene?

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What Did You Call Me?

I used to a real stickler about the girlfriend/my woman title. If I am expected to be your woman and all that comes with exclusiveness, the least you could do is introduce me accordingly. It was about the public declaration that we were both off the market. Why would my man object to that?

After countless unproductive debates, I finally got it. Guys won’t always feel the need to verbalize their commitment out loud. Men love a confident woman. If she is confident in herself and her relationship with her man, she won’t really need  to be called his girlfriend/woman. Also, A lot of men I know think it is juvenile and unnecessary. One of my ex-boyfriends used to say that if he told women he was with someone exclusively, he would probably get even more female attention.

I think it’s a matter of perception and behavior. How does the label change things? Should it change things? Do you believe that you are single when you are in  serious relationship? Would it matter to you if the …

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It Might Get Loud

I caught up with a former coworker recently who told me that she had a dating dilemma. She had to tell her new man that she has a checkered past and she wasn’t sure how he would react. Carmen grew up in foster care and then went to a group home as a teenager. She made a lot of mistakes as a troubled teen and has a bit of a criminal past.

It’s nothing outrageous and it was a long time ago, but she is concerned about how her boyfriend will perceive her. She admits that he can be pretentious and she is afraid that he would get upset when he finds out that she didn’t grow up like he did, in a wealthy family.

When you are dating someone knew, how worried are you about opening the closet of skeletons? What if your skeletons are fresh and new, and in the not so distant past? Do you reveal it before an exclusive relationship has begun?

Have you ever dated someone that shared something about their past and it was a huge deal breaker for you? How did you handle that?

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More than a baby

I’ve been hearing about a lot of weddings in the last few months, tis the season for it, you know. I can’t help but feel a little relieved when I see people my age and younger getting hitched, though. I suppose you start to wonder if are still considering it. I’m sure you’ve seen all the articles and statistics about how we are delaying marriage for whatever reason. Some of us even opting not to go that route altogether.

For a long time I thought it was impacting our options with dating: either you meet the type that views marriage like a miserable abyss that no sane individual would dive into; or you meet the type that feels that they have all the time in the world left to do that “family thing and settle down”. You know because they are way too busy living it up and enjoying that carefree lifestyle (Guilty!!). Then I think there is the type that only wants to procreate, and that’s it. They just want a baby, marriage is, well optional.

What about getting married just to have …

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Real Men Smile

It’s never fun to date the serious, uptight, completely devoid of a sense of humor type person. Sure, they have their great qualities: reliable and dependable, practical and logical, blah blah. Whatever, I don’t trust people that don’t ever smile. Why so serious!?

I know that so many of us cope with day to day stress, some more than others. We all have things we are struggling with or trying to figure out, it’s called adulthood. However, when you lose your smile and can’t find laughter in your life, you become a lot less appealing to people you may want to attract.

The last time you were asked out on a date, were you smiling and having a good time? Yeah, there is reason for that! Who is going to approach the ice queen or the mean mugging man? I don’t care how hot you are, if you are walking around looking unhappy and uptight, you are turning folks off!

If you are in a social setting, make sure you are up to mingling and engaging with people…with a smile. I never understand why …

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The Ugly Truth

I watched the film The Ugly Truth in mild amusement, like I do most films about male-female dynamics. While the movie is meant to be entertaining, it kind of highlights a lot of what goes on with gender biases and social perceptions of men and women.

The male lead character basically describes men as the simple creatures who will do and say whatever it takes to bed a woman. Not exactly a ringing endorsement, but it’s a romantic comedy.

It did make me look further into the notion that men and women can both be ethically ambiguous. I read somewhere that that socialists consider a component of “ambivalent sexism” in the theory of benevolent sexism: “Women compared to men, tend to have a superior moral sensibility”. They actually conducted studies and claim that “women have a superior moral and ethical fortitude as compared to men”. I don’t know about that one!

It lends itself to male vs. female battle but we already know we are different. What are your thoughts? Should we …

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Textually Active

Spotted on Twitter: “Blackberries, iPhones and Twitter killed the dating world. R.I.P.” This statement coming from The Fly Guy himself, made me think, “How do we even manage to hook up in person anymore?!” I know a lot of us are way into technology and social networking, but is it becoming harder for you to strike a balance with old school dating?

You know, calling a person up, asking them out, going to pick them up, and enjoying the company with quality face to face time. Yeah, that’s old school dating! Today, we send evites, tweets, Facebook messages to set things up with friends and dates.

The younger guy (I still need a name for him) I am seeing is all about the text. It got to the point where I had to tell him what I was comfortable with on text, and what actually required a phone call.

We have so many ways to showcase our personalities these days: Facebook, Twitter, personal blogs, text messaging, instant messaging, or email. Whew, that’s a lot of typing at each other. …

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Getting In The Way

There are so many single people that are oblivious to what it takes to keep people interested in them. So many of us focus on the absolute wrong thing, that we end up getting in our own way of making a connection. Here’s the thing: just because you have a great resume and look great on paper, doesn’t mean the right person will chase you down or fall into your lap.

If you really think about your last dating misadventures, you could probably pinpoint where you went wrong. It’s not always “I picked the wrong person” either. It’s possible that it is you. You are part of the problem and you may not know it.

One thing that I have noticed that I do is act very aloof with men that I am interested in. I have had this problem for quite a while and even when I actively try to change it, it seems to be a defense mechanism that kicks in like a knee-jerk reaction. What do you think is getting in the way for you?

I have noticed that in Atlanta, a man can think that his great car, fly …

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Similarity breeds connection

You know that old saying, birds of a feather flock together, right? It’s that old adage that you should judge a person’s character people by their close friends and who they associate themselves with. Well what happens when the birds flocking together sort of resemble a pack of vultures? Scientists call this the similarity breeds connection principle.

My buddy Ron said that he recently met the friends of the woman he has been dating. The young lady’s friends were extremely high-strung, high-maintenance gold-diggers (he used other descriptors, but I will stop there). These friends are very close to his woman and he figures there will be a lot of time spent with them.

Of course he is worried if his woman has a side that he hasn’t seen yet. A side that closely looks like what these women are. Is it fair to judge a woman by her close friends? Should he be worried about the woman he is so into now is actually just a representative?

Have you ever dated someone and clashed with their …

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No, Seriously

I was asked what the dating scene in Atlanta was like recently. I smiled and said, well, you need three things: healthy dose of self-esteem, loads of patience, and a sense of humor. I think that is pretty much going to keep your dating drama to a minimum.

In your opinion, when you are getting to know someone, is it a waste of time to get to know someone that you think has little potential for “MVP status” with you? I ask because, I think so many times we completely miss the mark on who is actually a good match for us.

Have you ever met someone who seemed like a colossal waste of time, then they turned out to be a great thing?

Are we not willing to take risks in dating anymore? Does that make us big chickens when it comes to match in love and romance?

If you are brave enough to want an actual relationship with someone, how long does it usually take before you take the person seriously? Is it more about their behavior and consistency or the amount of time they have managed not …

Continue reading No, Seriously »