I Just Want to be Successful…in Love
Good Morning! I had a busy and fun weekend. How was your weekend? I spent part of the weekend relaxing, catching up with friends, and some of it was spent being inspired. I attended the Women In Entertainment Empowerment Network (WEEN) conference where they had wonderful speakers and panel discussions.
One of the panel discussions focused around women balancing their careers and relationships. The discussion briefly covered how women who are used to being CEOs, strong and powerful women faced challenges when it came to relationships.
It’s sad to say, but sometimes being a successful single woman is another roadblock to relationships: finding them and keeping them. As someone on the panel stated, women who are go-getters and successful often have to find ways to downplay their success and achievements when they first meet men. Do you think that men have preconceived ideas about women who are successful and single?
As someone on the panel stated, it’s not necessary for someone to know your entire resume right away. In the beginning, it should just be about two people finding out about each other personally, not professionally.
Ladies, when you meet men, do you think that your successful image becomes a problem?
Men, do you like confident women who are successful? Are you drawn to women who are single and successful? Do you ever think successful women are too high-maintenance or out of your league?
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306 comments Add your comment
Dan
August 31st, 2009
9:09 am
Good morning,
First: successful and high maintenance are two different concepts, which I’ll get into later today (hopefully).
For the question of the post Men, do you like confident women who are successful? My answer is, of course.
There’s nothing better than a person that has the drive and determination to acheive what they define as success. I want to how they got there, what were the motivations, the distractions – all that. I find find “successful” people interesting in general.
As for a successful woman (a Black woman at that), I know she has a story to tell. One that would engage me for hours. And in the telling of that story, I get a sense of who she is, where she’s been, and her heart in getting there.
I’d also get to the questions about applying that focus to relationships, so all in all, a “successful” woman is -at the very least- a great friend to have; with the potential to be a greater mate IMO.
Wings ()
August 31st, 2009
9:13 am
Good Morning Bloggers!
Ladies, when you meet men, do you think that your successful image becomes a problem?
No, because I generally attract men who are secure with their own professional journey.
The conundrum comes for me in that I equate real success with having successful love……………does it mean that I have not accomplished much……no, but what what it does mean is that I have not attained what really matters to me the most…………successful love (growing love).
Inspiration………….is the other face of love!
Have a great day!
AmazonRed™ - successful in vacationing
August 31st, 2009
9:23 am
Morning all! WD glad you had a nice weekend. I did as well, once my flight back into ATL finally go in. No worries, another short work week til I’m in the air again. Hooray!
Anywhoo…as for me…what successful image? I have a cool job but it’s hardly brain surgery. What I do is unique and folks are always impressed but it’s hardly threatening to a persons ego or accomplishments.
But yes, upon meeting a guy, the last thing I want to focus on is what he does or what I do. To me, it’s unimportant until the relationship begins progressing, and quite often a first or second conversation is hardly a gauge of if you’ll ever know someone well enough to get a cut of his paycheck. It all eventually comes out as the relationship grows.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
9:24 am
This past weekend? We went to the Amicalola Falls and boy are my leg muscles sore. I was not able to climb the entire 425 steps but I did get slightly pass 300. It was nice to be in the fresh air and it was very good exercise.
For the as the topic itself, these are often discussions that I find the most amazing. To be successful is just doing well for yourself. Carrying your own weight. IMO that is the same as being a responsible adult. I have never met a man that frowns on a woman that is a responsible adult. Every grown woman and man should be.
I think the issues only come about when that responsibleness (lol) becomes inflated in your mind and you adopt the “I am somebody hear me roar” attitude. It’s not the success itself that ruins people but it’s the attitude behind it.
But who am I to even have an opinion on this? I’m not successful. I am just responsible. And grown. And married.
I’ll read along until something piques my interest to comment on.
Dream_n
August 31st, 2009
9:25 am
Good Morning All,
Do you think that men have preconceived ideas about women who are successful and single?
I think “some” men are intimidated by women who “got it together. ie: those that don’t have it together yet. I think other men find it admirable that a woman is throwing out that old concept of men being the bread winner, and adopting that same mentality into their own life. I’m not at the point in my life where I can say I’m “successful”, but when I do get to that level I don’t want a man to feel intimidated or shy away from my accomplishments…..
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
9:35 am
Good Morning All
Ared-upon meeting a guy, the last thing I want to focus on is what he does or what I do. To me, it’s unimportant until the relationship begins progressing, and quite often a first or second conversation is hardly a gauge of if you’ll ever know someone well enough to get a cut of his paycheck. It all eventually comes out as the relationship grows. <– I agree!
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
9:40 am
If a man has a problem with how successful I am, he has a character flaw. Frankly, I don’t believe my success in life has anything to do with my relationship with any individual..
Tazzee - RIP iPhone
August 31st, 2009
9:40 am
Morning Folks!!!
Yes, I have downplayed my success in the past. I’ve had guys make comments like “Whoa, you’re big time, I guess you don’t need a man” And this isn’t a result of me being an ‘I am woman, hear me roar’ person – I’ve never flaunted my professional successes. So I got to the point of just telling guys I’m an accountant. So then I’d get “can you do my taxes?” instead of “I guess you don’t need a man”
My weekend was good outside of the fact that my iPhone died. This Nokia flip phone doesn’t do what my iPhone can do for me.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
9:42 am
You know what keeps lingering in my mind? “Successful Image”. That there says a lot.
That says that outside of being successful, there is an image that is displayed. Meaning that one carries themselves in a certain way as to be noted for their success. That’s part of that attitude I am talking about.
My friend and her husband both are doctors and have boocoos (beaucoup) of dough but they are okay spending their leisure time with little people like me and mine. The only image to their success is their posted degrees at their offices and their mini-mansion. But you would have to befriend them first to get a peek at their cave. The carry no image of being successful.
WiseDiva I think this “image of success” is a hot topic.
STILL HATIN @ENZION .....
August 31st, 2009
9:43 am
ARED WHAT IF LATER YOU FOUND OUT HE WAS WORKING AT MCDONALDS?
Then what?
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
9:44 am
“Whoa, you’re big time, I guess you don’t need a man”
Tazzee that is probably a result of past experiences with some other successful imaged women. Sometimes we come across situations so many times things become expected. Nothing just evolves out of thin air.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
August 31st, 2009
9:51 am
“I think the issues only come about when that responsibleness (lol) becomes inflated in your mind and you adopt the “I am somebody hear me roar” attitude. It’s not the success itself that ruins people but it’s the attitude behind it.” — Raqi
And there you have it.
AmazonRed™ - successful in vacationing
August 31st, 2009
9:51 am
I’ve had guys make comments like “Whoa, you’re big time, I guess you don’t need a man”
I love when the dumbazzes eliminate themselves. Saves you a lot of trouble.
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
9:54 am
Taz- Dude had issues with himself.. If it wasn’t what you do for a living it would have been something else. Kind of car you drive, house you live in, etc
Still- Why should that make a difference?
Raqi- You are right!
There are TONS of ppl who live WAY above their means to make themselves seem like they are more successful than they actually are..
abc
August 31st, 2009
9:54 am
It’s nothing to do with ‘high maintenance’ or ‘out of your league’. It’s about the personality and character traits that it takes for a woman to become an executive at the highest level, or to be the one running the company. While admitting generalization, and that nothing is always absolutely so, women of that type aren’t very pleasant to be around. Frankly, people of that type aren’t very pleasant to be around, male or female.
I’m not talking about a chick that’s a great salesperson, project manager, engineer, nor one in a corporate director-level kind of position — although the cracks can start to show at that level.
A person’s career can be their primary focus to the detriment of personal relationships, again, no matter their gender, and even no matter their station on the org chart. I know male musicians that have wrecked 3 marriages or more due to their focus on their own career, and female school teachers who’ve done the same thing.
I guess, in general, my feeling is that someone who relies too much on their career for their self-identity will have problems with personal relationships, but reiterating Sturgeon’s law, because you chicks can get so touchy about things: nothing is always absolutely so.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
August 31st, 2009
9:56 am
“I’ve never flaunted my professional successes. So I got to the point of just telling guys I’m an accountant.” — Tazzee
Sometimes that’s all that’s necessary. Most mature guys only want to know that you’re gainfully employed and can take care of your responsibilities. We generally don’t care about fancy extended titles or job descriptions.
Tazzee - RIP iPhone
August 31st, 2009
9:56 am
Raqi yeah, I kinda figured it was the result of past experiences. But you know we women are the only ones with baggage…
AmRed yes, that saved a lot of time for me. Thankfully by the time I got ‘big time’ I was over my period of trying to prove that all black women weren’t (fill in the blank)
What kills me is that when I would make comments about a guy not being able to handle my success, it was ALWAYS assumed it was because I was flaunting it.
Tazzee - RIP iPhone
August 31st, 2009
9:59 am
Fred G Sanford, Jr – trust me, I never gave extended titles. It was more like:
Him: where do you work
Me: XYZ company
Him: what do you do
Me: honest answer (without the title)
If all he wanted to know was that I was gainfully employed then I think he could have stopped at the first question.
But then again, that was back when I didn’t know about the games that needed to be played in dating – here I am thinking we’re having an genuine conversation and dude is actually interested in what I do…
I’m an accountant…
MsM
August 31st, 2009
10:03 am
Heck some are threatened by the fact that you can pay your car note and electric bill in the same month (LOL). My SO was so use to women that were always in need of the basic support that he truly didn’t know how to take me we when I told him that yes I need a man just not like that… It’s great if he can have my back should I need him, and believe me I got you too. Thank God he finally got that!.
Bottom line… it’s I’m just doing what a grown responsible adult is suppose to to… for him a refreshing mentality.
Melo
August 31st, 2009
10:04 am
Do you ever think successful women are too high-maintenance or out of your league?
Dianne Sawyer is high maintenance for me,absolutely! Out of my league,yeah she is….but im still trying…
If u consider urself a successful woman,target that pool of men that is in ur league. I think it is possible.The only reason women down play who they are when they are with those guys is becoz those guys are intimidated by their success or that the females have targeted the wrong guys.A guy who is equally successful or ambitions proly wont be that intimidated.
Ur dilemna,as a woman, is to weed out who qualifies and who doesnt coz if u dont do that process wisely, the ugly head of of the insecure man will rear itself down the road.No wonder some females are on the ugly, receiving end.
The down side of being successful for females is that there arent enough successful guys to go round.Thats why,in my view,females end up with trashy guys,thugs,felons and dealers.Its becoz the eligible bachelors in their leagues are busy chasing their ambitions,playing etc and not ready to settle down.
The chics meanwhile, as u all know,are ready,the womb is fertile and they want that man,a husband and a regular nite sqeeze.Hence most end up settling for the low low trife….
Patience,i say ladies,Patience.
Pick ur posion wisely.
I dont mind Opprah myself,but i may not be able to handle her…see!
Good morning folks..
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
10:05 am
Fred- Sometimes that’s all that’s necessary. Most mature guys only want to know that you’re gainfully employed and can take care of your responsibilities. We generally don’t care about fancy extended titles or job descriptions.<– I agree.. Most mature PEOPLE wouldn’t give a fudge about titles!
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:05 am
abc I agree that sometimes the mindset it takes to do a certain job can be detrimental to a person’s life and relationships outside of that job…when an actual life exists outside of that job.
Military professionals, athletes and police officers have always been on my “Do Not Date” list. They are too angry and overly aggressive for me.
MsM
August 31st, 2009
10:06 am
P.S. I don’t make the grade as far as what society dictates as successful ($$$, title, etc.)
STILL HATIN @ENZION .....
August 31st, 2009
10:06 am
ARED- WHAT IF LATER YOU FOUND OUT HE WAS WORKING AT MCDONALDS?
Then what?
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:08 am
intimidated by their success
I don’t think it’s the success itself but the attitudes that can sometimes be attached to the success.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
August 31st, 2009
10:11 am
Tazzee – I didn’t mean to imply that you were giving extended titles. I was speaking in general.
Personally, I don’t get caught up in what a woman does. I’ll inquire and ask questions out of interest in her as a person, but not to size her up. As long as we’re compatible and she’s not clueless about relationships, I’m good.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
10:14 am
No dude is afraid of a chick making her own dough.. We prefer it.. Where the problem comes in is with the mouth behind it.. The I dont need a man to do anything for me syndrome.. Most of ya’ll talk yourselves out of a good man.. No one cares how much money you make because if youre in it for the right reason your money becomes his and his yours. We get it youre independent, you dont need a dude.. Well guess what Men like to feel needed.. Its who we are. We like to feel lika a MAN for our WOMAN… See alot of successful women are so used to telling dudes what to do at the office they cant turn it off when they get home.. No man wants a woman acting like she has a pair of nuts.
SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here
August 31st, 2009
10:15 am
Three Words Daily – Pursue YOUR happYness.
Compelling
August 31st, 2009
10:16 am
This has always been an interesting topic to me. In my book club we often discuss what a woman is looking for in a man. We’ve had responses that run from one extreme to the other. For instance, some women said they can’t see themselves with a person who works at McDonalds because they desire a man who has attained a degree like they have. Other women didn’t have a problem with him working in the fast food industry as long as he wasn’t complacent there, meaning his goal is to eventually own and operate his own franchise. The vast majority of the women simply felt that in order to be successful, one has to be driven.
A lot of women who fit the description of “sucessful” feel that their prospects dwindle each time they attain another degree or enter a higher tax bracket. So is it wrong for her to desire a mate who has acheived just as much if not more than she has in life? Or should she “settle” for a hardworking man who is loyal to her and makes a decent living. I’m not saying that I agree or disagree with this way of thinking, I’m just saying that this is a real problem. Trust me in some circles who you date is really important (not saying it’s right) and your choice in a man or woman can be frowned upon.
Oh yeah I had a great weekend WD, very fun and relaxing.
Melo
August 31st, 2009
10:17 am
But yes, upon meeting a guy, the last thing I want to focus on is what he does/strong>
Ared, i wld think thats a mistake.
While i admit that what a guy does says nothing about his character,on the bare minimum,it should be a a basic screening criteria.If a guys says to u on asking what he does,”oh hmmmm,just hustling, u know how it is” and ends there,u proly have many questions on ur mind as u go ur seperate ways,even tho the guy looked well dressed,sharp and kinda articulate.
If a chic said to me that she was a stripper but my eye had intentions of dating her,then right there, i know,there is no chance of that hapenning and no need for me to waste any more time on that or exchanging numbers,except for u know what.
Mytwo.
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
10:17 am
DK- No man wants a woman acting like she has a pair of nuts.<–
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
10:19 am
Here we go.. Im gonna wear my PANTS regardless of what you do or how much money you make..
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
10:21 am
Compelling – Love has nothing to do with money.. Thats the trick we have all fallen for..
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
10:21 am
Melo- Ok but people lie about their profession EVERYDAY to get what/who they want.. Then what?
Remember that dude in Atlanta that fronted like he was an ER doctor @ Piedmont hospital??
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:22 am
Men like to feel needed
Yes they do and there is nothing wrong with that. It does not make us less of a woman or less of a responsible or successful woman to need our men and to make him feel wanted.
We have our needs and they have theirs.
Melo
August 31st, 2009
10:22 am
the attitudes
but “that attitude” is a perception of the other party.
If im successful, i kinda show it and u,on the other hand will have ur own perception of my attitude,whether i agree with u or not…..hence the conundrum…
Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
10:25 am
Good Morning All,
I agree with Tazzee. I have heard the your bigtime..or your too smart for me.(That one irrates me to know freaking end.) And frankly I don’t even like telling people where I work. It brings on topics of convo that I don’t enjoy having. I spent my weekend in class, and cleaning(I swear my house is never clean enough).
Nonya
August 31st, 2009
10:26 am
I learned my lesson long ago regarding providing my title when asked my occupation. Men are much more receptive to “office work” as opposed to “fill in the blank”. I, too have gotten that, “Whoa, you’re big time, I guess you don’t need a man” reaction. I think it’s a travesty that successful woman are often overlooked because of the automatic assumption that our title/income negates the need for an active and positive male presence in our lives. My title is merely that – a title. I, on the other hand, am a woman with needs that my title just can’t meet.
Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
10:29 am
This topic is not going to become that whole “You don’t look needy enough or Can men deal with a woman with a woman making more money than him.” is it?
SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here
August 31st, 2009
10:29 am
I think a large part of this particular problem is generated by our insistence with defining success by career achievements and income earned.
While I have nothing against THAT kind of success, my definition of success is more in line with Raqi’s.
My wealth is in the smiles of my family, the good company of my friends, my health and peace of mind, the ability to take care of my basic needs, attain some of my wants and the hope for a better tomorrow.
Compelling
August 31st, 2009
10:31 am
@DK- I totally agree with you, love does have very little to do with money. But a lot of women can’t seem to separate the two.
I agree with what has been said, everyone wants to feel needed. I wouldn’t want someone’s success thrown in my face constantly, it’d get real old. I honestly feel that it’s up to the individual to set their barometer for success and strive to attain that. It gets to be problematic when you can’t share it with someone else and your joy becomes working towards that next goal instead of improving your relationship. It’s all about balance.
Melo
August 31st, 2009
10:32 am
Lioness, what do u do after u realize they lied??
The Real Rell - so numb!
August 31st, 2009
10:32 am
Do you ever think successful women are too high-maintenance or out of your league?
- lol…HELL NO…there is no problem..and again i dont understand these new cats…i have not meet a truly successful women in a minute…when i do…i will never say..whoa you big time or any of that other jazz…i will be like cool…most of what i say is “i see you are a go-getter” or ” i see you have accomplished alot, thats great”..da hell is up with these new cats i have no idea…scared of successful women…LMAO
AGAIN women with money need management right…lol…
SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here
August 31st, 2009
10:32 am
Kym – I promise that I am going to send you an invoice for the SNUGGIE that you are trying to FORCE me to buy.
Dan
August 31st, 2009
10:35 am
@Tazz
Question: could the guy have meant “you don’t need a man [to take care of you in the traditional sense]“?
Because guys that hold to the mindstate of the tradtional male/female dynamic often feel this way. Not necessarily intimidated, but lost without a clearly defined role (as he sees it).
AmazonRed™ - successful in vacationing
August 31st, 2009
10:36 am
While i admit that what a guy does says nothing about his character,on the bare minimum,it should be a a basic screening criteria.If a guys says to u on asking what he does,”oh hmmmm,just hustling, u know how it is” and ends there,
melo – But the thing is…in my 31 years on this earth, I’ve never spent any extended amount of time with a dude that was “just hustling” or any other career that was dishonorable.
Like I said, it all comes out eventually, meaning I don’t have to ask on convo one “what do you do?” Depending on a persons experiences, that question can be a loaded one.
So really, if we are spending time talking and getting to know one another, it will all natually evolve. I spend my 9-5 with you good people. If I were to talk to him and he spent his day watching TV on the couch, the flags would be raised. You can’t get to know someone without EVER knowing how they spend their days.
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
10:38 am
Melo- Give him the deuces
Dream_n
August 31st, 2009
10:40 am
Let’s take the time to define succesful… Is successful having that 8 figure income… 18 bedroom home… 10 car garage…. or is it making half a million… 10 bedroom home… 5 car garage…… Where is the line drawn between whos successful and who’s not… Is the job title that defines the success. Can you work at Mc Donald’s as a manager.. have a 3 bedroom home 1 car and still be considred successful…. What the defines successful???????
Dan
August 31st, 2009
10:42 am
@Melo
I agree with your sentiment.
Sometimes finding out what a person does is a key into finding out who they are. Little stuff like, if you don’t like the job, why are still there?
I find that people reveal a lot about themselves if you ask the right questions and listen to the answers.
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
10:42 am
Dream- Good question! Living comfortably within your means is good enough for me
Dream_n
August 31st, 2009
10:44 am
@ Dan: Because guys that hold to the mindstate of the tradtional male/female dynamic often feel this way. Not necessarily intimidated, but lost without a clearly defined role (as he sees it).
That’s a great way to look at the situation too…. Some men have always been defined by the money they make, being the head of household, and being able to take cars of their family. If a woman can pretty much hold it down without a man… “some” men not all may feel a little helpless…”some” men may relish in the fact that they don’t really have to come out of the pocket as much…..
Turd Ferguson
August 31st, 2009
10:44 am
Attn Ladies. After numerous missteps my girlfriend of 8 months is no more. Therefore, I am now accepting applications for her replacement.
Dan
August 31st, 2009
10:45 am
@Dream_n
Success is defined by the individual.
For instance, a friend of mine has a wife, 3 kids, and they are in the process of buying a home; I define that as success.
Yet, he defines my job (and the things it has allowed me to do) is his definition of success.
Two different definitions, based on our views of success
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
10:46 am
Dream – Actually successful is being comfortable.. Bills are paid and you owe no one. Successful is when you live well beneath your means but still live life to the fullest. Being successful is honoring your family and making sure they are good.. Successful is raising well rounded culturally and socially adjusted children. Being successful is just being happy to be.. Success aint got nothing to do with money.. thats another trick we have fallen for.. Things dont define success.. The good you give society defines success.
abc
August 31st, 2009
10:47 am
A successful is defined by personal happiness and contentment, and that which one can bestow upon one’s family and friends. Beyond a certain amount of money and material wealth, success isn’t dependent upon income, and that amount is quite variable. By the time you’re talking about 10 bedroom houses, money has long since ceased to be a factor in relative success. That level of materialism is almost certain to cause unhappiness — note, not that level or wealth, but that level of materialism.
The Real Rell - so numb!
August 31st, 2009
10:47 am
i tend to meet the model/actress/singer/fashion designer/make up artist/tatoo artist/movie script writer/author….etc
never the “dayum baby girl got paper” chick…..those model/actress/singer types are funnnnnny people…like pick one first then try to evolve…how you going to be all three at the same time…lmao
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:47 am
Dream_n, IMO Success is not determined by the amount of money that you make.
You could be successful at building a house of cans. Meeting your goal is what makes you successful.
My goal in life is to be a responsible adult that carries my own weight. I feel that I am successful in that area.
My goal is to be a good mother. I am still striving at that. My kids are only 20, 16 and 3 months. And the end of my life and/or theirs my success is mothering will be determined.
My goal is to be as good of a wife as the husband I desire. Still working at that. Ask me about it in about another 30-40 years.
My goal is to be a tried and true friend. My friends are still hanging around.
abc
August 31st, 2009
10:47 am
a successful life, that is.
Melo
August 31st, 2009
10:48 am
I’ve never spent any extended amount of time with a dude that was “just hustling” or any other career that was dishonorable.
good for u and im sure u dropped them quick if ever u came across one,if any…
u may have a unique way of discussing with pple, i dont know but either way,even in simple conversation, a person will reveal what they do,like u said, without u asking the “what do u do qstion”.
At that point, u either get closer,as far as being curious etc and discussing some more or u look the other way…
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
10:49 am
Kym – We hate needy chicks.. That has been hammered home.. Its a balance.. Ya’ll always say what ya’ll need from us but when we say what we need from ya’ll.. We get the rolling eyes and the obligatory “Child Please”
abc
August 31st, 2009
10:49 am
And, a man who is not head of his own household is not a man. Been there, done that, it doesn’t work.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:49 am
14, I meant 14 not 16. I must wish he was 16 already. LOL
Melo
August 31st, 2009
10:50 am
Beyond a certain amount of money and material wealth, success isn’t dependent upon income, and that amount is quite variable. By the time you’re talking about 10 bedroom houses,
i like the way pple here hide behind a finger and take a simple subject to a whole another, left level……
Chink
August 31st, 2009
10:51 am
To me Success is not really the end result but more the journey….So to me people who are successful are those that beat the odds or had that determination to keep going. I watched the movie about Ernie Davis (The Express) I thought he was successful very touching story.
Having alot of money is not success alot of “rich” people show us that every day…..
Anurag’s Blog » I Just Want to be Successful…in Love | Misadventures in Atlanta
August 31st, 2009
10:51 am
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Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
10:51 am
@Dream I think we each define our own level of success. For example the Mickie D’s manager may have grown up in a trailer park with 8 sisters and brothers and the idea of moving out of that life seemed impossible but they did it. A person who’s parents never finish grade school but who is their families first college graduate maybe consider successful. I think to define success you have to look at all the factors leading that person to that particular point in their life. What is success for one person is not the same for others.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
10:53 am
Kym – Great Post to Dream
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:54 am
So Chink I can only be successful at building a house of cans if it was a hard and strenious process I have to overcome?
Success is acheiving your goal or desire. Whether it be hard or easy.
AmazonRed™ - successful in vacationing
August 31st, 2009
10:54 am
but either way,even in simple conversation, a person will reveal what they do,like u said, without u asking the “what do u do qstion”.
melo – Which is exactly my point. I don’t need to cozy up to some dude at a bar and say “hi my name is…, what do you do?”
In dealing with people, especially men, folks like to talk about themselves. And what they do is a part of who they are. Most often a guy will volunteer what he does without me even having to prompt. The good ones often want you to know from jump that they are gainfully employed and that they are making moves.
I don’t have to ask. Besides, I know how to hold a conversation without bringing up all the cliched questions. Boring!
Chink
August 31st, 2009
10:55 am
By the way there are plenty of people who fake the funk …or buy things they can’t afford to show others how “successful” they are …but in reality they are lying to themselves.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:55 am
Kym I agree. It has nothing to do with a particular number of figures in a salary but more so of what you set out to accomplish.
Chink
August 31st, 2009
10:56 am
I dont think anything worth it will ever be “easy” we all have to sacrifice something in life ….but thats the way I see it …If its easy you wont really appreciate it.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:56 am
to show others how “successful” they are
And those are usually the ones that carry that attitude with it.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
10:57 am
I tell women when I meet them that I work for Dekalb County Sanitation but I clean up well..
Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
10:57 am
@DK Fine you hate needy chicks but when someone ask you what is you are in need of (besides two warm holes to stick your willy wonka in.) you seem at a loss. “I’m a man you can’t help me, I got this, or my favorite..It’s all good.” If it was all good you wouldnt be walking around looking and acting loopy all the time. If you can’t verbalize your need, how are we suppose to know?
Melo
August 31st, 2009
11:05 am
Having alot of money is not success alot of “rich” people show us that every day…..
it is success in my view,the personal mis cues not withstanding.
Show me a not-so successful man who is perfect?
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
11:06 am
Kym – Well youre right a closed mouth cant get fed.. Thats where communication is key.. That there is the most important ingredient to amy relationship.. You have to be able to come to your mate with anything.. And discuss it like adults to get it resolved and get each others needs met.
Oh and by the way.. I hates me a filth flarn filth Steeler fan..
SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here
August 31st, 2009
11:07 am
Just like you all don’t like needy chicks, we don’t like needy dudes.
We also do not like dudes who ‘let’ women take care of them or ‘expect’ women to take care of them – always ‘needing a lil help’. All these dayum momma’s boys running around Atlanta need to be checked and these enabling @ss chicks need some straightening.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
11:07 am
Melo – Show me a successful man who’s perfect..
Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
11:09 am
@DK So which lowlife, whimpy team, (who the Steeler must have beat the breaks off of), is your team?
Melo
August 31st, 2009
11:13 am
Melo – Show me a successful man who’s perfect
there isnt one but it seems like pple are going to the left with success… saying u cant say a millioanaire is successful coz they have personal foibles…thats bullshyt! nobody is perfect…
anonymousella
August 31st, 2009
11:14 am
most people don’t understand what i do and as a result have no sense about what i might earn unless they’re in the industry themselves. i don’t have a “successful image,” even though by many measures i am “successful.” i look like a broke college student despite being neither.
that said, i don’t downplay my success, my experiences or my intelligence. how you feel about it is your issue.
The Real Rell - so numb!
August 31st, 2009
11:15 am
@Sexycool..thats real talk
But really its not about need in these streets..its about want on both ends.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 31st, 2009
11:15 am
Morning Blog Peeps!
I had a pleasant weekend – me & SO saw 2 good movies Sat night – District 9 and The Final Destination. Sunday we played the new Wii sports games. Boy child wore me out in Fencing, but I beat everybody down in Bowling. Also played the new 100 pin bowling game which was a lot of fun.
If a person can’t deal with what YOUR definition of success is, NEXT. I really don’t have time to deal with somebody else’s insecurities. With my educational background and experience, I could easily be on a CFO/CEO track – but I chose not to because I preferred a more balanced life. That level of career success comes with a price, at least in my career field. I would be working 80 hour weeks, but have no time left to enjoy the money & material wealth that comes with it. Sounds very lonely to me. So, I have a great house, a decent car, my bills are paid on time and I have everything I NEED and some of what I want materially. But the things that matter most – wonderful friends, good family relationships, involvement in my community and a great guy – these things are priceless.
I think a lot of people like to automatically ASSUME that if a woman has a great career that she will be high maint & does not NEED a man. Yes, there are some that don’t know how to leave work at work, but there are countless men who can’t either. I’ve known of men that act like drill sergents when they come home. But society accepts that even they make those around them miserable.
I mean, like DK said that some women talk themselves out of a good man. Now really how are they doing this? Do they walk up in a club or a party & announce “I’m a successful career woman and I don’t need a man”? I mean, even if she’s materialistic and has her nose in the air, does that still automatically mean she does not “need” a man? Maybe it just means she needs somebody as shallow as she is.
Melo – I’m feeling your posts today.
AmazonRed™ - successful in vacationing
August 31st, 2009
11:17 am
My goal in life is to be a responsible adult that carries my own weight. I feel that I am successful in that area.
Amen!!!
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
11:17 am
Sexy- I agree!! Too many to count
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
11:17 am
Kym – That my dear is exactly why i dont like steeler fans.. No class.. Always talking trash.. And My dear the last time our two teams met we throttled ya’ll. Yes Im a Falcons fan, win lose or draw.. My family has had season ticket holders since 74.. Ya’ll have nothing on my hatred for a Aints Fans.. I was born and raised to despise The Aints..
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
11:20 am
Kimmie – Something like that.. They seem to always want to convey how important they are. Hey dont shoot the messenger.. Evidently there is a problem because we wouldnt be discussing it if it wasnt and you cant just point the finger at the men who cant handle a successful woman.. I am willing to bet the problem is most Men cant be a B!tch for that woman so it doesnt work..
Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
11:22 am
@DK Your hate is showing..you did not throttle us. Last two games the Fakecons and the Steelers played it went to OT. Going to OT means we let you hang in there and didn’t kill you when whe had the chance. As for Steeler fans..we are the most loyal fan base out there, then Raiders fan(lawd bless them they are lost in the 70’s) The Fakecons fan however, ya’ll change like the weather.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
11:22 am
You want me to need you and I need you to want me, so we good.
The Real Rell - fantasy football king
August 31st, 2009
11:25 am
@raqi..true
but what i have run across is that women looking not to make the same mistakes again…i am cool with that..but dont look at me like your saviour…most are not willing to save themselves…they pretend until the ship is righted again…lol…i am telling you i see it clear right now..real clear
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 31st, 2009
11:25 am
My goal in life is to be a responsible adult that carries my own weight. I feel that I am successful in that area.
I agree with Raqi’s statement. But I’ve actually come across some guys that had a problem with that mindset. They felt I was not driven enough! I’m successful in my own mind but not successful enough for YOU?
Also, I know plenty “successful” women that are in great marriages. Most met their husbands in college, law/med school etc. I think it’s tougher to meet secure men once you are out in the “real” world. That’s when you run into these “intimidated” types that you have to downplay your accomplishments around.
Dan
August 31st, 2009
11:27 am
@DK
That’s the “logic” issue creeping in again.
If the “successful” women are having trouble finding/keeping men, then of course it has nothing to do with their selection of mates – it’s about the guys being intimidated or “not worthy”.
It’s a false construct built to minimize personal responsibility. (see also: the guys that profess to be “too nice”)
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 31st, 2009
11:31 am
They seem to always want to convey how important they are.
DK – But men do it too, but everyone accepts it. These are the dudes that always want to lead with their wallet, but complain that all they meet are golddiggers.
Yeah, this is an issue that is popular to discuss on dating blogs such as this and shows like Michael Baisden & Oprah. But we all know the drill. And like Melo said, a lot of times the successful women end up downplaying their accomplishments so they can make some insecure dude feel okay about himself. Hey, don’t shoot the messenger.LOL!!!
SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here
August 31st, 2009
11:34 am
Kimmie – “But I’ve actually come across some guys that had a problem with that mindset. They felt I was not driven enough! I’m successful in my own mind but not successful enough for YOU? ”
I’ve encountered that. I have goals, dreams and ambition. I have things that I want to do in my life that are not career driven. I am way more concerned with the quality of my life and other intangible things as opposed to other concerns.
Chink
August 31st, 2009
11:38 am
Melo
it is success in my view,the personal mis cues not withstanding.
Show me a not-so successful man who is perfect.
To me thats not even a “man” more like a boy with money. I would take a morally enriched, poor, humble man any day.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 31st, 2009
11:40 am
I have goals, dreams and ambition. I have things that I want to do in my life that are not career driven. I am way more concerned with the quality of my life and other intangible things as opposed to other concerns.
SCool – High 5 to that, me too! Some folks just don’t get it.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
11:42 am
they pretend until the ship is righted again
LOL Rell You become the Capt’n?
Wings ()
August 31st, 2009
11:46 am
@Kimmie – I have a relative like that- He leads with his wallet and meets gold diggers………….We actually had that conversation over the weekend……………he actually met a nice woman…………who’s only requirement was of him and not his money and his new complaint was she is not his type……..go figure…………….
His motives are not clear………
Dream_n
August 31st, 2009
11:47 am
@ Dan…. great point.. Some women/men hide behind that statement. “People can’t deal with my accomplishments”, when its further from the truth. How about… after we take away all the acomplishments there’s really nothing else left lol. I’ve met people like that. People who talk about how much money they have and this and that, but when you change the subject or take that aspect away.. you have pretty much a shell of a person there lol
Also the “nice guyz finish last” hooplah.. I hate that saying… What women wouldn’t want a nice guy… You’re probably just boring and hiding behind the I’m so nice women dont want me puh–lease lol