Good morning,

First: successful and high maintenance are two different concepts, which I’ll get into later today (hopefully).

For the question of the post Men, do you like confident women who are successful? My answer is, of course.

There’s nothing better than a person that has the drive and determination to acheive what they define as success. I want to how they got there, what were the motivations, the distractions – all that. I find find “successful” people interesting in general.

As for a successful woman (a Black woman at that), I know she has a story to tell. One that would engage me for hours. And in the telling of that story, I get a sense of who she is, where she’s been, and her heart in getting there.

I’d also get to the questions about applying that focus to relationships, so all in all, a “successful” woman is -at the very least- a great friend to have; with the potential to be a greater mate IMO.

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Morning all! WD glad you had a nice weekend. I did as well, once my flight back into ATL finally go in. No worries, another short work week til I’m in the air again. Hooray!

Anywhoo…as for me…what successful image? I have a cool job but it’s hardly brain surgery. What I do is unique and folks are always impressed but it’s hardly threatening to a persons ego or accomplishments.

But yes, upon meeting a guy, the last thing I want to focus on is what he does or what I do. To me, it’s unimportant until the relationship begins progressing, and quite often a first or second conversation is hardly a gauge of if you’ll ever know someone well enough to get a cut of his paycheck. It all eventually comes out as the relationship grows.

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Good Morning All,
Do you think that men have preconceived ideas about women who are successful and single?

I think “some” men are intimidated by women who “got it together. ie: those that don’t have it together yet. I think other men find it admirable that a woman is throwing out that old concept of men being the bread winner, and adopting that same mentality into their own life. I’m not at the point in my life where I can say I’m “successful”, but when I do get to that level I don’t want a man to feel intimidated or shy away from my accomplishments…..

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If a man has a problem with how successful I am, he has a character flaw. Frankly, I don’t believe my success in life has anything to do with my relationship with any individual..

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You know what keeps lingering in my mind? “Successful Image”. That there says a lot.

That says that outside of being successful, there is an image that is displayed. Meaning that one carries themselves in a certain way as to be noted for their success. That’s part of that attitude I am talking about.

My friend and her husband both are doctors and have boocoos (beaucoup) of dough but they are okay spending their leisure time with little people like me and mine. The only image to their success is their posted degrees at their offices and their mini-mansion. But you would have to befriend them first to get a peek at their cave. The carry no image of being successful.

WiseDiva I think this “image of success” is a hot topic.

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“Whoa, you’re big time, I guess you don’t need a man”

Tazzee that is probably a result of past experiences with some other successful imaged women. Sometimes we come across situations so many times things become expected. Nothing just evolves out of thin air.

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I’ve had guys make comments like “Whoa, you’re big time, I guess you don’t need a man”

I love when the dumbazzes eliminate themselves. Saves you a lot of trouble.

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It’s nothing to do with ‘high maintenance’ or ‘out of your league’. It’s about the personality and character traits that it takes for a woman to become an executive at the highest level, or to be the one running the company. While admitting generalization, and that nothing is always absolutely so, women of that type aren’t very pleasant to be around. Frankly, people of that type aren’t very pleasant to be around, male or female.

I’m not talking about a chick that’s a great salesperson, project manager, engineer, nor one in a corporate director-level kind of position — although the cracks can start to show at that level.

A person’s career can be their primary focus to the detriment of personal relationships, again, no matter their gender, and even no matter their station on the org chart. I know male musicians that have wrecked 3 marriages or more due to their focus on their own career, and female school teachers who’ve done the same thing.

I guess, in general, my feeling is that someone who relies too much on their career for their self-identity will have problems with personal relationships, but reiterating Sturgeon’s law, because you chicks can get so touchy about things: nothing is always absolutely so.

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Raqi yeah, I kinda figured it was the result of past experiences. But you know we women are the only ones with baggage…

AmRed yes, that saved a lot of time for me. Thankfully by the time I got ‘big time’ I was over my period of trying to prove that all black women weren’t (fill in the blank)

What kills me is that when I would make comments about a guy not being able to handle my success, it was ALWAYS assumed it was because I was flaunting it.

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Heck some are threatened by the fact that you can pay your car note and electric bill in the same month (LOL). My SO was so use to women that were always in need of the basic support that he truly didn’t know how to take me we when I told him that yes I need a man just not like that… It’s great if he can have my back should I need him, and believe me I got you too. Thank God he finally got that!.

Bottom line… it’s I’m just doing what a grown responsible adult is suppose to to… for him a refreshing mentality.

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Fred- Sometimes that’s all that’s necessary. Most mature guys only want to know that you’re gainfully employed and can take care of your responsibilities. We generally don’t care about fancy extended titles or job descriptions.<– I agree.. Most mature PEOPLE wouldn’t give a fudge about titles!

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P.S. I don’t make the grade as far as what society dictates as successful ($$$, title, etc.)

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intimidated by their success

I don’t think it’s the success itself but the attitudes that can sometimes be attached to the success.

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No dude is afraid of a chick making her own dough.. We prefer it.. Where the problem comes in is with the mouth behind it.. The I dont need a man to do anything for me syndrome.. Most of ya’ll talk yourselves out of a good man.. No one cares how much money you make because if youre in it for the right reason your money becomes his and his yours. We get it youre independent, you dont need a dude.. Well guess what Men like to feel needed.. Its who we are. We like to feel lika a MAN for our WOMAN… See alot of successful women are so used to telling dudes what to do at the office they cant turn it off when they get home.. No man wants a woman acting like she has a pair of nuts.

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This has always been an interesting topic to me. In my book club we often discuss what a woman is looking for in a man. We’ve had responses that run from one extreme to the other. For instance, some women said they can’t see themselves with a person who works at McDonalds because they desire a man who has attained a degree like they have. Other women didn’t have a problem with him working in the fast food industry as long as he wasn’t complacent there, meaning his goal is to eventually own and operate his own franchise. The vast majority of the women simply felt that in order to be successful, one has to be driven.

A lot of women who fit the description of “sucessful” feel that their prospects dwindle each time they attain another degree or enter a higher tax bracket. So is it wrong for her to desire a mate who has acheived just as much if not more than she has in life? Or should she “settle” for a hardworking man who is loyal to her and makes a decent living. I’m not saying that I agree or disagree with this way of thinking, I’m just saying that this is a real problem. Trust me in some circles who you date is really important (not saying it’s right) and your choice in a man or woman can be frowned upon.

Oh yeah I had a great weekend WD, very fun and relaxing.

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DK- No man wants a woman acting like she has a pair of nuts.<–

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Compelling – Love has nothing to do with money.. Thats the trick we have all fallen for..

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Men like to feel needed

Yes they do and there is nothing wrong with that. It does not make us less of a woman or less of a responsible or successful woman to need our men and to make him feel wanted.

We have our needs and they have theirs.

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Good Morning All,

I agree with Tazzee. I have heard the your bigtime..or your too smart for me.(That one irrates me to know freaking end.) And frankly I don’t even like telling people where I work. It brings on topics of convo that I don’t enjoy having. I spent my weekend in class, and cleaning(I swear my house is never clean enough).

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This topic is not going to become that whole “You don’t look needy enough or Can men deal with a woman with a woman making more money than him.” is it?

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@DK- I totally agree with you, love does have very little to do with money. But a lot of women can’t seem to separate the two.

I agree with what has been said, everyone wants to feel needed. I wouldn’t want someone’s success thrown in my face constantly, it’d get real old. I honestly feel that it’s up to the individual to set their barometer for success and strive to attain that. It gets to be problematic when you can’t share it with someone else and your joy becomes working towards that next goal instead of improving your relationship. It’s all about balance.

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Do you ever think successful women are too high-maintenance or out of your league?

- lol…HELL NO…there is no problem..and again i dont understand these new cats…i have not meet a truly successful women in a minute…when i do…i will never say..whoa you big time or any of that other jazz…i will be like cool…most of what i say is “i see you are a go-getter” or ” i see you have accomplished alot, thats great”..da hell is up with these new cats i have no idea…scared of successful women…LMAO

AGAIN women with money need management right…lol…

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@Tazz

Question: could the guy have meant “you don’t need a man [to take care of you in the traditional sense]“?

Because guys that hold to the mindstate of the tradtional male/female dynamic often feel this way. Not necessarily intimidated, but lost without a clearly defined role (as he sees it).

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Melo- Give him the deuces

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@Melo

I agree with your sentiment.

Sometimes finding out what a person does is a key into finding out who they are. Little stuff like, if you don’t like the job, why are still there?

I find that people reveal a lot about themselves if you ask the right questions and listen to the answers.

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@ Dan: Because guys that hold to the mindstate of the tradtional male/female dynamic often feel this way. Not necessarily intimidated, but lost without a clearly defined role (as he sees it).

That’s a great way to look at the situation too…. Some men have always been defined by the money they make, being the head of household, and being able to take cars of their family. If a woman can pretty much hold it down without a man… “some” men not all may feel a little helpless…”some” men may relish in the fact that they don’t really have to come out of the pocket as much…..

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@Dream_n

Success is defined by the individual.

For instance, a friend of mine has a wife, 3 kids, and they are in the process of buying a home; I define that as success.

Yet, he defines my job (and the things it has allowed me to do) is his definition of success.

Two different definitions, based on our views of success

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A successful is defined by personal happiness and contentment, and that which one can bestow upon one’s family and friends. Beyond a certain amount of money and material wealth, success isn’t dependent upon income, and that amount is quite variable. By the time you’re talking about 10 bedroom houses, money has long since ceased to be a factor in relative success. That level of materialism is almost certain to cause unhappiness — note, not that level or wealth, but that level of materialism.

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Dream_n, IMO Success is not determined by the amount of money that you make.

You could be successful at building a house of cans. Meeting your goal is what makes you successful.

My goal in life is to be a responsible adult that carries my own weight. I feel that I am successful in that area.

My goal is to be a good mother. I am still striving at that. My kids are only 20, 16 and 3 months. And the end of my life and/or theirs my success is mothering will be determined.

My goal is to be as good of a wife as the husband I desire. Still working at that. Ask me about it in about another 30-40 years.

My goal is to be a tried and true friend. My friends are still hanging around.

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I’ve never spent any extended amount of time with a dude that was “just hustling” or any other career that was dishonorable.

good for u and im sure u dropped them quick if ever u came across one,if any…
u may have a unique way of discussing with pple, i dont know but either way,even in simple conversation, a person will reveal what they do,like u said, without u asking the “what do u do qstion”.
At that point, u either get closer,as far as being curious etc and discussing some more or u look the other way…

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And, a man who is not head of his own household is not a man. Been there, done that, it doesn’t work.

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Beyond a certain amount of money and material wealth, success isn’t dependent upon income, and that amount is quite variable. By the time you’re talking about 10 bedroom houses,

i like the way pple here hide behind a finger and take a simple subject to a whole another, left level……

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[...] the original post here: I Just Want to be Successful…in Love | Misadventures in Atlanta This entry is filed under fun, love. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS [...]

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Kym – Great Post to Dream

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but either way,even in simple conversation, a person will reveal what they do,like u said, without u asking the “what do u do qstion”.

melo – Which is exactly my point. I don’t need to cozy up to some dude at a bar and say “hi my name is…, what do you do?”

In dealing with people, especially men, folks like to talk about themselves. And what they do is a part of who they are. Most often a guy will volunteer what he does without me even having to prompt. The good ones often want you to know from jump that they are gainfully employed and that they are making moves.

I don’t have to ask. Besides, I know how to hold a conversation without bringing up all the cliched questions. Boring!

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Kym I agree. It has nothing to do with a particular number of figures in a salary but more so of what you set out to accomplish.

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to show others how “successful” they are

And those are usually the ones that carry that attitude with it.

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@DK Fine you hate needy chicks but when someone ask you what is you are in need of (besides two warm holes to stick your willy wonka in.) you seem at a loss. “I’m a man you can’t help me, I got this, or my favorite..It’s all good.” If it was all good you wouldnt be walking around looking and acting loopy all the time. If you can’t verbalize your need, how are we suppose to know?

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Kym – Well youre right a closed mouth cant get fed.. Thats where communication is key.. That there is the most important ingredient to amy relationship.. You have to be able to come to your mate with anything.. And discuss it like adults to get it resolved and get each others needs met.

Oh and by the way.. I hates me a filth flarn filth Steeler fan..

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Melo – Show me a successful man who’s perfect..

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Melo – Show me a successful man who’s perfect

there isnt one but it seems like pple are going to the left with success… saying u cant say a millioanaire is successful coz they have personal foibles…thats bullshyt! nobody is perfect…

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@Sexycool..thats real talk

But really its not about need in these streets..its about want on both ends.

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My goal in life is to be a responsible adult that carries my own weight. I feel that I am successful in that area.

Amen!!!

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Kym – That my dear is exactly why i dont like steeler fans.. No class.. Always talking trash.. And My dear the last time our two teams met we throttled ya’ll. Yes Im a Falcons fan, win lose or draw.. My family has had season ticket holders since 74.. Ya’ll have nothing on my hatred for a Aints Fans.. I was born and raised to despise The Aints..

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@DK Your hate is showing..you did not throttle us. Last two games the Fakecons and the Steelers played it went to OT. Going to OT means we let you hang in there and didn’t kill you when whe had the chance. As for Steeler fans..we are the most loyal fan base out there, then Raiders fan(lawd bless them they are lost in the 70’s) The Fakecons fan however, ya’ll change like the weather.

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@raqi..true

but what i have run across is that women looking not to make the same mistakes again…i am cool with that..but dont look at me like your saviour…most are not willing to save themselves…they pretend until the ship is righted again…lol…i am telling you i see it clear right now..real clear

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@DK

That’s the “logic” issue creeping in again.

If the “successful” women are having trouble finding/keeping men, then of course it has nothing to do with their selection of mates – it’s about the guys being intimidated or “not worthy”.

It’s a false construct built to minimize personal responsibility. (see also: the guys that profess to be “too nice”)

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Kimmie – “But I’ve actually come across some guys that had a problem with that mindset. They felt I was not driven enough! I’m successful in my own mind but not successful enough for YOU? ”

I’ve encountered that. I have goals, dreams and ambition. I have things that I want to do in my life that are not career driven. I am way more concerned with the quality of my life and other intangible things as opposed to other concerns.

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I have goals, dreams and ambition. I have things that I want to do in my life that are not career driven. I am way more concerned with the quality of my life and other intangible things as opposed to other concerns.

SCool – High 5 to that, me too! Some folks just don’t get it.

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@Kimmie – I have a relative like that- He leads with his wallet and meets gold diggers………….We actually had that conversation over the weekend……………he actually met a nice woman…………who’s only requirement was of him and not his money and his new complaint was she is not his type……..go figure…………….

His motives are not clear………

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You’re probably just boring and hiding behind the I’m so nice women dont want me puh–lease lol

Dream – YES! This is usually the case – boring and no zest for life, no spunk!

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To me thats not even a “man” more like a boy with money

i see u Chink, on that moral high horse!

go ‘head,take ur poor, moral high man and sup on noodles..

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@ Kimmie
You hit it right on the head lol… I have a friend that i’ve known since i was 16… he’s always been into making money, showing it off, and paying fr everything… Now he’s 25 and feels like he has no friends or a decent woman that wants him for him… that’s becasue all these years you’ve been buying friensgips buying relationships…. it’s so sad though….

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(been in meetings for the last 2 hours)

I’m not even sure if we’re still on topic but – I don’t even place a lot of weight on my professional accomplishments. I try to avoid all work talk outside of work. When my future husband asks how was my day at work I always tell him good – because it’s over, LOL.

But like Raqi says, every part of us helps to define who we are. Honestly my climb up the corporate ladder has nothing to do with me setting goals and achieving them – or me being such a goal getter. It’s more of a reflection of the fact that I’m a good worker and God’s blessings on my life. Every promotion I’ve received since my first job found me – I was going through life doing what I do.

Now let me see what you all have been talking about for the past 2 hours…

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[...] the original post: I Just Want to be Successful…in Love | Misadventures in Atlanta This entry is filed under Dating, Dating in Atlanta. You can follow any responses to this entry [...]

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Dan that’s a good question.

What is your definition of success in love?

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@Raqi

My personal definition of love was enumerated last weeek in my description of my mate. The only addendum to that post would be finding, keeping, and making happy said woman.

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finding, keeping, and making happy said wo man.

Dan my sentiments exactly. It’s the whole package.

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I think the attributes that sometimes propel women to the top, can hurt a relationship if the man is not comfortable in his own skin. Being a decision maker requires you to make calls that ………………that can be intimidating……………..

It’s same principal behind the strength of any woman that has had to go it alone………….. weather she is a CEO or a single parent. There is a toughness that sometimes accompanies those roles.

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Wings what’s the meaning of the symbol beside your name?

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The journey to being successful comes in fruitfulness of the life that you all share after that.

u kinda make it seem like success can only be measured after one has kicked the bucket….Not so, i say..

u can measure success in increaments and at certain points in ur lyfe…hence “success thus far”….
If u cannot define that “”success”" at what ever point u are in ur lyfe,either u dont have it or u hiding ur failures and fooling urself…

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Amazon you can send cookie bouquets. There is a company that will send cookies in a box that long stem roses would come in. The cookies will have a stem attached. Those are a very sweet gesture. And “Edible” fruit arrangementst are really nice.

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Melo how did you get that from what I wrote? I am not saying that.

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success in luv depends on what u looking for in luv and if u have achieved it or u still looking..

Last time i checked,most females are looking for a “good man”, a protector, a husband and a lyfe filled with luv,joy and happyiness….not much drama filled.

There are some here just looking for the occassional rub,eve now and then but dont wanna be tied down to a man or woman…so the defntion depends on the individual….
Others too have defined their needs in luv based on their failure rate,so we all must read tween the lines,careeeeeefuuuuully!

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Being successful in love only means you have to be true to yourself and your partner. If both are on the same page wanting the same thing at the same time, then you’ve been successful.

I like that leggs ..

Wanting the same thing at the same time sometimes that happens and I guess sometimes you just have to put your own wants aside for them too.

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Is it just me or does anyone else get a “high” off of intelligent people (or so they seem lol) coming together giving honest, thoughtful, opinions on subject matters. It makes me feel some kind of way….. lol…..

On topic: I too agree with the majority.. being successful in love depends on the person and what their idea of success is…. I love couples working to together for a common goal.. wanting the best for themselves… and the people around them….

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Melo I see like the trip we took Saturday. The Amicalola Falls has 425 steps to the top of the falls. I made it right pass 300 steps but I was not successful in making it to the top. My goal when I arrived was to get to the top of the falls as it is for the majority that make the trip. Some people drive to the top. But the steps are there as a bit of a challenge if you want to take it getting to the top. If you don’t make it all the way then you did not succeed in taking the steps to the top.

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No “real” man would be intimidated by a successful woman. Most secure men would prefer to have a woman that is just as accomplished or better off than they are. I never could understand how this was such a big problem. The more money that comes into the relationship the better. That will only allow us to accomplish more. If you like to belittle your man and don’t know when to keep your mouth shut thats a whole different story though.

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but I was not successful in making it to the top

becoz ur conditioning was not there and also becoz ur proly under-estimated what it takes to get there….so dont devalue ur accomplishements thus far at 300..

with more,better conditioning..u may ultimately get there….if u were to go back to that spot….

The problem i see with these relationships etc, is pple not staying in their lane…
where u are in lyfe may not be agreable to another woman coz u seem a lil off,based on the average progressions of other men…or vice versa…
We all progress and achieve our goals at diff times based on a whole host of variables…..
Stick to ur lane….

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I will be a success when my Son is on his on and is a productive citizen in society..

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@Raqi, your house frame example made me think of those who feel they’ve a certain level of success once they’ve purchased a home. The success is not necessarily in acquiring the home. The success is in paying that mortgage every month and keeping your home.

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Yet again Melo I was not successful in what I went there to do. Yes I was just as successful as the person who only set out to do 300 steps and did it. And I was more successful than the one that set out to do 300 and could not make it. But not successful in what I wanted to do.

Just like a woman may want to get married. If marriage is her goal then that’s what she should go for. Why settle for just getting the man in your life when marriage is what you want. Find a different one if that one is holding you back from what it is you want to do.

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If you like to belittle your man and don’t know when to keep your mouth shut thats a whole different story though.

Ralph – I agree. You don’t have to be a corporate CEO to come home & belittle & be bossy to your man, if that’s you inclination.

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The success is in paying that mortgage every month and keeping your home.

That’s exactly correct Leggs. Signing those mounds of papers is just the first step. Now it’s time to pay the mortgage on the road to ownership. Our goal is own our house free and clear. Until then we have to keep making those payments.

It’s not success because my husband made this month’s payment. There are 148 more payments to go until we own it free and clear.

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Yet again Melo I was not successful in what I went there to do

i agree but i dont think there are pple out there who are 100% successful at achieving their desired goals..even bill gates and warren wld be in this category too…

nobody in this lyfe attains everything they set out to do..so we playing a game of semantics..
im not sure u wld define ur climb as total failure…thats a negative way to view lyfe.

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Melo- I agree with you!!

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Is attaining success something that you HAVE to do or something you WANT to do?

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Melo I did say that I am a failure. I said I did not succeed at what I wanted to accomplish.

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Hello All,

Just getting into the blog and have not read many of the posts but I want to weigh in on this…sort of.

Point 1: The key in what WD wrote that screws up all of this conversation is in the term “balanced”. At the end of the day, it does not matter how successful or confident…it is how she is IN THE RELATIONSHIP that matters to me. My ex-wife was very successful at her chosen career, but as a spouse she was by almost any standard, awful. I was, at best, maybe 7th or 8th in her pecking order of importance (and you can imagine what is left when you get down that far on the list behind job, her family, the children, the pets, her TV shows, and whatever else she ALWAYS put first). I want someone who at least sometimes will put me first, and not offer empty promises about “making it up to me soon” (soon never comes). I don’t have to be put on a pedestal, but at least attach some importance to the realtionship also.

Point 2: “All that glitters is not gold” My best friend was involved with a very successful lady with no children, but plenty of bucks in the bank (multi seven figure, you do the math). Marriage was almost a given for most of the relationship, but he left her. He ended it when he realized he could never compete with her job(s) for attention. She was always working, even when he was with her. She had no concept of an intimate relationship, only of business arrangements. My friend eventually understood why her first husband left her. She never could understand why he left and is still alone.

Point 3: Men have an inner need to be the protector, maybe the provider. It is okay for the woman to be self-sufficient, but when he gets an attitude like “I am Superwoman…hear me roar. I don’t need anything or anybody,” he does wonder if there is anything he can really offer. Men want to be needed…some women wear this whole “Superwoman” thing on their sleeve like a badge of honor.

To paraphrase the old deodorant quote, “it is okay to BE confident, just don’t always flaunt your confidence”. My $.02.

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Ared- @ Pretty Wangs!!

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Melo I did say that I am a failure
u did…

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**My best friend was involved with a very successful lady with no children, but plenty of bucks in the bank (multi seven figure, you do the math). Marriage was almost a given for most of the relationship, but he left her. He ended it when he realized he could never compete with her job(s) for attention**

Success or money is not the problem here, it’s attitude and behavior. This woman would get left by her man if she was working the cash register. She’s not able to devote the time needed to develop a healthy relationship with another person. Having more income makes it easier to get away with more but it doesn’t change the person.

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What up Blog Fam.

I haven’t read any of the comments so I will just randomly respond to what I think has already been said.

1. No matter how much money you make or the title you have at work, I AM MAN YOU ARE WOMAN.

2. ATTITUDE, ATTITUDE, ATTITUDE

3. Adults are SUPPOSE to take care of themselves

4. Funny how when women make money then money becomes an issue.

5. Why is it expected that men date down (money/status) but the same it’s expected of women?

6. Success is a relative term. Your definition probably ain’t mines and nobody can define success for me but me.

For Real is now successfully unzipping his pants!

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Ralph- but it doesn’t change the person.<– BOTTOMLINE!

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Ralph I agree. Relationships always take the hardest hits. It’s the one place where two people choose to share lives together but are sometimes held in very low regard.

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I don’t know about the ’successful parenting’ thing. It’s a little more oblique to apply the idea to relationships. If I consider that I’ve been successful because my kids are, I think I’m projecting a little bit too much. Likewise, if I figure my kids aren’t doing that well as far as career or relationships of their own due to something I did or didn’t do, I think I’m projecting a bit too much.

I don’t really approach relationships like they’re a project (anymore). It’s not like buying a house, managing a career. Happiness and contentment make for a happy life, but you can’t really teach your kids how to be happy and content — they might get some clues just by watching you do it, but you can’t really teach it.

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Dan …great points, me too. Just no good answers, if you hear anything let me know,

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Raqi you look at parenting as a lifetime committment. I look at it as as a business where I will always have a vested interest but will not run the company. Yes, your son may always seek your advice. If he takes it great, if he doesnt still great. Because after a certain point we as parents have to let go. I see minor sucess in my parenting everyday. Like my son asking the barber can he get a job there sweeping hair for extra money on the weekends. That means the lessons of responsiblity and hardwork have set in. Doesn’t mean he will always follow them(they have lapses when it comes to cleaning his room) but the seed is there. What he chooses to do with the harvest that is on him. Not every criminal is from a broken home. Believe me I have a few in my family who had both parents, loving, supportive and they still turned out to be fools. I don’t consider those parents failures cause their kids went apeshyt batty. That is a character flaw they have not the parents.

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“Can you protect without providing?” – Yeap, he can stop 10 dudes from breaking into your house but could have no idea where the frying pan is.

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Good post Kimmie. As a male, I can only say be confident, but vulnerable (as much as is safe) when you get a chance. Be “approachable” and project “down to earth”. The right people/men will pick up on this. It is a dilemma though, I understand. I can’t remember which one, but I once read an interview with a “supermodel” once who said she almost never got asked out because “apparently” men were too intimidated. I like the line in the movie “Notting Hill” when Julia Roberts says to Hugh Grant “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a guy, and wanting him to lover her”.

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Raqi – To your 2:30, that’s what I’m talking about! LOL!!!

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I just thought it went hand in hand. You protect and provide for your love ones …I didnt think it was a choice it should be a automatic human response.

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a head strong

u saying “head strong” is an attribute,Dream_n??

i think not unless maybe my zulenglish translation dictionary is waay old.

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Kym: Maybe it got lost in your snuggie.

Kimmie: First off, it’s good to know that you bathe, second, it’s not men that coined “if she’s rolling like that, she doesn’t NEED a man” you can hear this being said by welfare queen and female CEO’s. Men know what they are willing to put up with and what they are not willing to put up with. I don’t like loud, smacking, foot dragging woman so if I saw that I walk away. Oh and I like that you don’t assume as well. That’s says a lot about you as a person. So with that in mind, what do you think is behind this zipper?

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Okay Dream n, I am between 5′ 8″ 3/4ths, and 5′ 9″ if I stand up straight. Is there a margin of error or any wiggle room? “Enquiring minds want to know” lol.

Honestly, we all have the right to want whatever we personally want in an SO, i’e. height,hair/skin tone, looks, etc.,…now always getting it is a tad tougher sometimes . I saw this lady at church this weekend who I once was friends with. She shared with me the most intimate details of her life and I had an ulterior motive of wanting her badly. Alas, she is 5′10″ and for that reason, I could never get out of the hated “friendship zone”…and all of the standard arguments about how “it would not matter if we were horizontal” would not change her mind, lol. Oh well, it is what it is.

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@For Real are you a Snuggie hater too?

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For Real – You stoopid.

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@4 real

By “traditional” I meant the idea that “men are hunter/gathers and women cook what he brings”. Basically the old version (read: 50’s – early 90’s) of relationship roles.

@Kimmie

I’ve actually never heard a man use that phrase. Not “she don’t need a man”, but “she don’t want no man [acting like that]“.

Like For Real stated, I think that’s that echo chamber of female excuses for being single that has been accepted as fact.

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ARed – your decision to misspell my name says more about you than it does me!

Grow up and maybe he will show up!

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Uh…it was a joke sweetie. Lighten up. Your day can’t be going that badly.

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Melo – Yeah we should accept a headstrong woman but if it were a dude we would be controlling..

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I have never understood why women think tall men are somehow better able to protect them.

For Real – That’s not what it is, really.

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Here is an answer. http://kenbesseder.wordpress.com/2009/08/21/smart-girls-sexy-legs-and-high-iqs/ This is a blog post written by a man about smart women. Might be an interesting read.

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ared – Let me further say, that I don’t come on here to disrespect anyone……eva…… and if that is your MO than maybe you need to find a blog for haters.

Is there some reason you can’t take a joke or something? Let me know.

And maybe you should find a little blog. I fail to see where you have been disrespected. So maybe you should take a time out.

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Dan: I understand what you are saying but “traditions” and “normal” is what you want it to be. So, if you want a hundit acres and mule then find a chick that wants hundit and one acres and mule and car (cause you know ain’t no chick gon settle for what you have)

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I have never understood why women think tall men are somehow better able to protect them

For Real

For Real now standing on a ladder,wearing high platform shoes,trying to post his new bill board above,proclaiming his availability and ability to protect.

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I’ve actually never heard a man use that phrase. Not “she don’t need a man”, but “she don’t want no man [acting like that]“.

Dan – I have heard it.

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Also being successful in love that leads to marriage and staying married til death do you part because you want to and not because you’re obligated/unhappy to me defines “SUCCESS.”

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I like the line in the movie “Notting Hill” when Julia Roberts says to Hugh Grant “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a guy, and wanting him to lover her”.

Randy – That’s my favorite line in that movie.

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Ared: “That’s not what it is, really.” – Hit me with the one – two then.

Melo: “For Real now standing on a ladder,wearing high platform shoes,trying to post his new bill board above,proclaiming his availability and ability to protect.” – Naw it ain’t that cause Imma run hell somebody got to tell the story. I just don’t understand why it’s always got to be the chick.

Chick: For Real was sooooo brave he saved me from all of those gay women. Who knew a man could get kicked in the nutts that many time before dying.

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For Real – women want a man taller than them so that they can still be shorter than him in heels.

And cuz tall people rock and no one wants to birth oompa loompas.

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@DK I hear that from alot of divorce men and women too.

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@Infamous, that’s a normal feeling to have after a divorce!

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It’s also normal for the woman to feel exactly the same way!

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Raqi/Mo – It was the way I was raised.. I was raised in a strong Church of Christ Family.. Mom, grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, Cousins and everybody went to one church.. So it was taught at an early age that you dont get divorced or you are going to h3ll. My family frowns on divorce but when I filed I had to realize that I wasnt living my life for any of them and most arent happy in their marriages.

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“women want a man taller than them so that they can still be shorter than him in heels.” – What if ole buys a pair of those shoes that people wear when one leg is short than the other?

“5′10″ and weigh 175″ – Calling BS ain’t no way you 5′10″ or weight 175lbs. I see you using the Page system of measurement.

“If a family gets put out of the house the focus is automatically on the man for allowing it to be.” – Yeah men get all the blame and none of the glory.

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Shut up, For Real. Why would I lie about that? “The Page system of measurement.” ~LMAO~

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Failure brings it’s own form of success………………..

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What if ole buys a pair of those shoes that people wear when one leg is short than the other?

Then we have a whole nother problem to contend with.

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“I think it pushes you to work harder though, so a lot of people find bigger and better successes after failures.” – I agree, when I was just a lil For Real my mom use by me pant with the elastic in the wasit and boy it was hell trying to develop my technique. Like when the pants where new the elastic would be super tight and I couldn’t pull my pants down or worst yet the elastic would snap back pinning my AAD but look at me now. ZIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

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Infamous – “I had to realize that I wasnt living my life for any of them and most arent happy in their marriages.” Aint that the truth! Like I said on here before I was told by my folks “no one knows what its like in your marriage but you and the spouse, so what other folks think/know/want/say dont matter”.

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Raqi – I was told the height thing on ANTM was only for that one season. They just did the casting for the newest one and you still had to be 5′7″ or taller.

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any day of the week running around the house with a t-shirt and no diaper=NAAAASTY

For Real now plastering the whole kitchen leading to the living room with duuuudu, since he got a stomach prrrrrrr disease/virus!

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Why Amazon? I lot of women WANT to be tall because of ANTM. I have heard women describe themselves as ANTM tall and thin. As if ANTM has the market cornered on what’s beautiful and sexy.

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Melo my oldest son used to take his diaper off all the time. He only peed the floor once.

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He only peed the floor once.
coz he didnt have a stomach virus like For Real

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You can be short and have long limbs …usually they look taller than they really are.

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coz he didnt have a stomach virus like For Real

Melo ForReal must have had some of that bad tuna salad that we had Saturday. Awful stomach cramps. LOL

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Randy – That’s cool, that you were able to visit Notting Hill. I always said if I go to London I would try to stop by. One of my favorite movies and I wanted to get the soundtrack too. I just wanted your take on the whole “successful woman” situation. It’s not an issue with me, but in my younger days I have run across guys who have just made assumptions about me. I would not necessarily downplay my accomplishments, just not mention them unless necessary. Growing up, in situations people would make assumptions because pops was a physician – “oh you must be spoiled cause you’re a rich kid, you’ve never had to worry about anything, your pops will buy it for you, etc.” They didn’t realize my dad had 6 kids to feed and he served the underserved in the community, so he was not a “Buckhead” doc. He was one of the humblest people you ever want to meet. When people asked what he did, I just said “he works at the hospital”.

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Possibility of success

You can make your life a triumph in spite of every adversity. Or you could make your life a mess in spite of every advantage.

Success does not depend on where you start. If it did, no one would have ever been successful.

Success comes from what you choose to do with whatever you have. It is fully available to anyone who decides to make the effort and the commitment.

Whatever the day holds, it also holds the possibility of success and achievement. Whatever the situation may be, there is a way to create real value from it.

Choose to see the positive possibilities, and you will. Choose to follow those possibilities, and success takes root.

The opportunity for success is always yours, and so is the responsibility. Decide to do what it takes, and create the success that is your own special destiny.

Enjoy the rest of your day!

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@Raqi because staying is not your only choice. Move, leave, run, flee, shoot, poison, push down the steps. The choices are endless. But alas..
RELIGION…. MAKING PEOPLE MISERABLE SINCE TIME BEGAN

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I’m 5′4″ but I have long legs…well as long as they can be at my height, LOL.

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Shet it up, Melo! You are crazy (lol).

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Regarding the size issue…I was too short to play in the NBA, too tall to be a jockey, not “hung” well enough to be a porn star, but I was just the right size for project management. Thus my career choice was a matter of elimination ;-0

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Hello 2C, hope you feel better real soon, but so glad there’s a screen between us.

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LOL 2CPTG. You got that Swag Flu, huh?

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@Raqi – she must have been built like Sheri Shepherd from the view.

@IDK – ain’ that the truth………..somehow we are better…………

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As I strongly believe, STAY ALERT: http://www.wimp.com/goodsamaritan/

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@Randyt – So do you believe in the notion of starter wives/husbands?

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ALERT AND AWARE!

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anybody saw that story on cnbc last nite about the 15 yr old girl who shot mum in 1971 and confessed 27 yrs later after going thru drug addiction and all sorts of problems due to her inner guilt….

27 yrs later,she fessed up..

mum died leaving her with 2 yunger boy siblings..

A man’s dead spirit an’ spilt blood will mess u up..dont play with it!

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SexyCool thanks, I don’t think I look that short either. That’s why I make them measure every time I go to the doctor

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@Melo – It’s like inertia, anytime something goes to far to one extreme it swings all the way back to the other…………..one of my sisters is married to a minister and every time they have gone to the extreme with their kids, the kids go to the extreme in their push back……………

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I’m with you Compelling.. No work on Monday!!!

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one of these days we need to do a challenge of people listing “10 Things I Like About You” (<== meaning the opposite sex) that include everything but the obivious physical characteristics.

We did that already…on some many topics/levels

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@Melo – Yes you did………..a typo is one thing and a planned attack is another……………..lol

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@Sexy my friend may bedazzle my Snuggie. I am not only going to be warm and cozy but stylish, with sparkle and shine. LMAO

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No one said exclusively.

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2can – my man. Mad No. Fla. love to ya’!!!!

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Sorry …had to step away. Starter wives…maybe (had the hots for Debra Messing since she was in that “You make me feel like a natural woman” commercial.

Melo, she was going to church at North Point CC and thought the greater the Christianity the greater the mate. Somehow she did not see the “this dude is in his 40’s and never been married” problem.

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Everyone have a good evening!

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