I Just Want to be Successful…in Love
Good Morning! I had a busy and fun weekend. How was your weekend? I spent part of the weekend relaxing, catching up with friends, and some of it was spent being inspired. I attended the Women In Entertainment Empowerment Network (WEEN) conference where they had wonderful speakers and panel discussions.
One of the panel discussions focused around women balancing their careers and relationships. The discussion briefly covered how women who are used to being CEOs, strong and powerful women faced challenges when it came to relationships.
It’s sad to say, but sometimes being a successful single woman is another roadblock to relationships: finding them and keeping them. As someone on the panel stated, women who are go-getters and successful often have to find ways to downplay their success and achievements when they first meet men. Do you think that men have preconceived ideas about women who are successful and single?
As someone on the panel stated, it’s not necessary for someone to know your entire resume right away. In the beginning, it should just be about two people finding out about each other personally, not professionally.
Ladies, when you meet men, do you think that your successful image becomes a problem?
Men, do you like confident women who are successful? Are you drawn to women who are single and successful? Do you ever think successful women are too high-maintenance or out of your league?
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306 comments Add your comment
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
2:05 pm
Melo- I agree with you!!
AmazonRed™ - successful in vacationing
August 31st, 2009
2:05 pm
Thank you Raqi and Pretty Wangs!
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
2:06 pm
Is attaining success something that you HAVE to do or something you WANT to do?
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
2:07 pm
SexyCool that’s why I said in my first post that I am not successful, just grown. And reasonably responsible.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
2:08 pm
Melo I did say that I am a failure. I said I did not succeed at what I wanted to accomplish.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
2:10 pm
…I did NOT…
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 31st, 2009
2:10 pm
Hello All,
Just getting into the blog and have not read many of the posts but I want to weigh in on this…sort of.
Point 1: The key in what WD wrote that screws up all of this conversation is in the term “balanced”. At the end of the day, it does not matter how successful or confident…it is how she is IN THE RELATIONSHIP that matters to me. My ex-wife was very successful at her chosen career, but as a spouse she was by almost any standard, awful. I was, at best, maybe 7th or 8th in her pecking order of importance (and you can imagine what is left when you get down that far on the list behind job, her family, the children, the pets, her TV shows, and whatever else she ALWAYS put first). I want someone who at least sometimes will put me first, and not offer empty promises about “making it up to me soon” (soon never comes). I don’t have to be put on a pedestal, but at least attach some importance to the realtionship also.
Point 2: “All that glitters is not gold” My best friend was involved with a very successful lady with no children, but plenty of bucks in the bank (multi seven figure, you do the math). Marriage was almost a given for most of the relationship, but he left her. He ended it when he realized he could never compete with her job(s) for attention. She was always working, even when he was with her. She had no concept of an intimate relationship, only of business arrangements. My friend eventually understood why her first husband left her. She never could understand why he left and is still alone.
Point 3: Men have an inner need to be the protector, maybe the provider. It is okay for the woman to be self-sufficient, but when he gets an attitude like “I am Superwoman…hear me roar. I don’t need anything or anybody,” he does wonder if there is anything he can really offer. Men want to be needed…some women wear this whole “Superwoman” thing on their sleeve like a badge of honor.
To paraphrase the old deodorant quote, “it is okay to BE confident, just don’t always flaunt your confidence”. My $.02.
SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here
August 31st, 2009
2:14 pm
On the other side of that home ownership thing, I no longer want to own a home as a single chick. The maintenance was not fun and had become a hardship.
I will be an apartment dweller until my future husband moves me into a home.
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
2:15 pm
Ared-
@ Pretty Wangs!!
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
2:16 pm
Not even a condo or townhouse?
Melo
August 31st, 2009
2:19 pm
Melo I did say that I am a failure
u did…
SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here
August 31st, 2009
2:19 pm
Randy – To your Point #3, as a woman, I have an inner need to be protected. It is one of the reasons that will not date men that are shorter/smaller in stature than me.
~LOL~
Ralph
August 31st, 2009
2:19 pm
**My best friend was involved with a very successful lady with no children, but plenty of bucks in the bank (multi seven figure, you do the math). Marriage was almost a given for most of the relationship, but he left her. He ended it when he realized he could never compete with her job(s) for attention**
Success or money is not the problem here, it’s attitude and behavior. This woman would get left by her man if she was working the cash register. She’s not able to devote the time needed to develop a healthy relationship with another person. Having more income makes it easier to get away with more but it doesn’t change the person.
SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here
August 31st, 2009
2:20 pm
Raqi</strong – not even, unless it is one heckuva deal.
For Real
August 31st, 2009
2:20 pm
What up Blog Fam.
I haven’t read any of the comments so I will just randomly respond to what I think has already been said.
1. No matter how much money you make or the title you have at work, I AM MAN YOU ARE WOMAN.
2. ATTITUDE, ATTITUDE, ATTITUDE
3. Adults are SUPPOSE to take care of themselves
4. Funny how when women make money then money becomes an issue.
5. Why is it expected that men date down (money/status) but the same it’s expected of women?
6. Success is a relative term. Your definition probably ain’t mines and nobody can define success for me but me.
For Real is now successfully unzipping his pants!
Dan
August 31st, 2009
2:21 pm
@Randy
I’m kinda in a state of flux about the “traditional” role of males in a relationship and the “modern” (read: post feminist) role.
By no means does a professionally successful woman intimidate me. But the incongruent and fluid nature of personal relationships vs. business relationships is difficult enough when one party is going through it. But for both parties to have to deal with shifting allegiences (she don’t know which “role” to play and neither does he) makes for an unstable relationship.
But I’ve been reading up on the subject to hopefully find an answer.
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
2:22 pm
Ralph- but it doesn’t change the person.<– BOTTOMLINE!
Chink
August 31st, 2009
2:24 pm
Men have an inner need to be the protector, maybe the provider.
Why is there a maybe on provider? Can you protect without providing?
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
2:25 pm
Ralph I agree. Relationships always take the hardest hits. It’s the one place where two people choose to share lives together but are sometimes held in very low regard.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 31st, 2009
2:25 pm
@ Ralph well-stated. I just have seen it more in very succeesful women. At the end of the day, some/many do not place the value on the relationship…especially after they have “conquered” the male. All relationships have to be nurtured or they will die like a plant that is never watered…or a best be like a cactus that does not need much water/nurture, but is prickly and basically unattractive.
@ Sexy Cool …true, that is why I date moderately sized women…short of being stretched on the “Rack” I can’t get any taller, lol.
abc
August 31st, 2009
2:25 pm
I don’t know about the ’successful parenting’ thing. It’s a little more oblique to apply the idea to relationships. If I consider that I’ve been successful because my kids are, I think I’m projecting a little bit too much. Likewise, if I figure my kids aren’t doing that well as far as career or relationships of their own due to something I did or didn’t do, I think I’m projecting a bit too much.
I don’t really approach relationships like they’re a project (anymore). It’s not like buying a house, managing a career. Happiness and contentment make for a happy life, but you can’t really teach your kids how to be happy and content — they might get some clues just by watching you do it, but you can’t really teach it.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 31st, 2009
2:26 pm
Randy – I hear what you say about flaunting the confidence. In the situations you cited, this lack of balance and putting career above all was evident.
But what do you say about men that don’t even give a successful woman a chance? You already know, from the circles you run in, that she’s successful in what she does. But men automatically put her in this catagory, that “if she’s rolling like that, she doesn’t NEED a man”. She has not even been given a chance.
I practically forget where I work & what I do when I pull out of the work parking lot. I still have to eat, my house still gets nasty and I don’t have maid service, so if I don’t clean it, it will be nasty. I have to bathe, I have relationships with family & friends that have to be maintained. There are tv shows I want to watch, places I like to go and would like to visit. Life to lead. I resent people making assumptions about me that don’t even know me or won’t make an effort to get to know me.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 31st, 2009
2:27 pm
Dan …great points, me too. Just no good answers, if you hear anything let me know,
For Real
August 31st, 2009
2:27 pm
Dan: There is no such thing as “traditional” it’s kinda like “normal” what exactly is it? No two marriage or relationships are alike, that’s why it is sooooo important to know what you want then you can do what works for you. If my woman scratches my feet and bites off my toe nails and that works for me. Then I’m going get her some mouthwash and brush her teeth and give her some gum then I will kiss her on the forehead cause that’s my baby.
Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
2:28 pm
Raqi you look at parenting as a lifetime committment. I look at it as as a business where I will always have a vested interest but will not run the company. Yes, your son may always seek your advice. If he takes it great, if he doesnt still great. Because after a certain point we as parents have to let go. I see minor sucess in my parenting everyday. Like my son asking the barber can he get a job there sweeping hair for extra money on the weekends. That means the lessons of responsiblity and hardwork have set in. Doesn’t mean he will always follow them(they have lapses when it comes to cleaning his room) but the seed is there. What he chooses to do with the harvest that is on him. Not every criminal is from a broken home. Believe me I have a few in my family who had both parents, loving, supportive and they still turned out to be fools. I don’t consider those parents failures cause their kids went apeshyt batty. That is a character flaw they have not the parents.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
2:30 pm
It’s the woman and not her position in corporate America.
If you are an evilazzbytch with prestige and money you were more than likely an evilazzbytch before your got it.
For Real
August 31st, 2009
2:30 pm
“Can you protect without providing?” – Yeap, he can stop 10 dudes from breaking into your house but could have no idea where the frying pan is.
Leggs
August 31st, 2009
2:30 pm
I’m not too strong that I can’t be protected. I welcome it!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 31st, 2009
2:31 pm
Good post Kimmie. As a male, I can only say be confident, but vulnerable (as much as is safe) when you get a chance. Be “approachable” and project “down to earth”. The right people/men will pick up on this. It is a dilemma though, I understand. I can’t remember which one, but I once read an interview with a “supermodel” once who said she almost never got asked out because “apparently” men were too intimidated. I like the line in the movie “Notting Hill” when Julia Roberts says to Hugh Grant “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a guy, and wanting him to lover her”.
Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
2:32 pm
oh good grief. You know what I have yet to understand why my post get lost in the ajc shuffle. I would retype it but I forgot what I said.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 31st, 2009
2:33 pm
Raqi – To your 2:30, that’s what I’m talking about! LOL!!!
Melo
August 31st, 2009
2:34 pm
Yeap, he can stop 10 dudes from breaking into your house but could have no idea where the frying pan is
Chink
August 31st, 2009
2:35 pm
I just thought it went hand in hand. You protect and provide for your love ones …I didnt think it was a choice it should be a automatic human response.
Dream_n
August 31st, 2009
2:36 pm
@ SexyCool
LOL I have now adopted that idea too… whenever I date again.. pls send resumes if you are 5′9 or taller. How am I to feel secure if I can reach things in the cabinet that you can’t lol
On Topic: A small part of me believes that “some” men are intimidated by a head strong professional successful woman… no matter how they try to deny it… and they use the term “WOMAN WITH An EGO” as a way of masking their insecurities….. No, I don’t have an ego… I just know that you can’t pay this dinner bill..cause something in your house won’t get paid lol..
Melo
August 31st, 2009
2:39 pm
a head strong
u saying “head strong” is an attribute,Dream_n??
i think not unless maybe my zulenglish translation dictionary is waay old.
Leggs
August 31st, 2009
2:40 pm
Article on homepage of msn.com says women should marry for money while their bodies are still taut (LOL).
For Real
August 31st, 2009
2:40 pm
Kym: Maybe it got lost in your snuggie.
Kimmie: First off, it’s good to know that you bathe, second, it’s not men that coined “if she’s rolling like that, she doesn’t NEED a man” you can hear this being said by welfare queen and female CEO’s. Men know what they are willing to put up with and what they are not willing to put up with. I don’t like loud, smacking, foot dragging woman so if I saw that I walk away. Oh and I like that you don’t assume as well. That’s says a lot about you as a person. So with that in mind, what do you think is behind this zipper?
Leggs
August 31st, 2009
2:43 pm
You protect and provide for your love ones …I didnt think it was a choice it should be a automatic human response. You would think it would be “automatic,” but it’s not!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 31st, 2009
2:44 pm
Okay Dream n, I am between 5′ 8″ 3/4ths, and 5′ 9″ if I stand up straight. Is there a margin of error or any wiggle room? “Enquiring minds want to know” lol.
Honestly, we all have the right to want whatever we personally want in an SO, i’e. height,hair/skin tone, looks, etc.,…now always getting it is a tad tougher sometimes
. I saw this lady at church this weekend who I once was friends with. She shared with me the most intimate details of her life and I had an ulterior motive of wanting her badly. Alas, she is 5′10″ and for that reason, I could never get out of the hated “friendship zone”…and all of the standard arguments about how “it would not matter if we were horizontal” would not change her mind, lol. Oh well, it is what it is.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
2:45 pm
Dream – Do you always have a bit of a negative out look on every subject I didnt think I was being negative.. I think my sarcasm sometimes is misconstrued as me being serious but 9 times out of 10 Im not. I just like to give food for thought and just try and let people know that it aint always the dudes fault.. Do I ride with my guys.. Yes.. Do I stand up for us.. Yes.. Because I feel like ya’ll got enough TV shows that give the female perspective..
Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
2:45 pm
@For Real are you a Snuggie hater too?
For Real
August 31st, 2009
2:45 pm
“some” men are intimidated by a head strong professional successful woman” – Supahead does make me kinda nervous but I’m willing to give it the old college try. ZIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!
Dayum For Real must be butter cause he on a roll.
SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here
August 31st, 2009
2:46 pm
For Real – You stoopid.
Dream_n
August 31st, 2009
2:47 pm
@ melo lol
I think it can be in certain instances…
Being stubborn is not all bad (in certain situations)
Dan
August 31st, 2009
2:49 pm
@4 real
By “traditional” I meant the idea that “men are hunter/gathers and women cook what he brings”. Basically the old version (read: 50’s – early 90’s) of relationship roles.
@Kimmie
I’ve actually never heard a man use that phrase. Not “she don’t need a man”, but “she don’t want no man [acting like that]“.
Like For Real stated, I think that’s that echo chamber of female excuses for being single that has been accepted as fact.
For Real
August 31st, 2009
2:51 pm
“she is 5′10″ and for that reason, I could never get out of the hated “friendship zone”…” – I have never understood why women think tall men are somehow better able to protect them.
Kym: No I’m currently inside of your snuggie as we speak and no that’s not a flashlight.
Wings ()
August 31st, 2009
2:51 pm
ARed – your decision to misspell my name says more about you than it does me!
Grow up and maybe he will show up!
Dan
August 31st, 2009
2:52 pm
@Dream_n
Sexy, fine, successful, smart, etc.
All these attitudes get thrown out with a stank attitude, male or female. It has little to do with intimidation than overall azholishness.
AmazonRed™ - successful in vacationing
August 31st, 2009
2:53 pm
Uh…it was a joke sweetie. Lighten up. Your day can’t be going that badly.
Wings ()
August 31st, 2009
2:53 pm
ared – Let me further say, that I don’t come on here to disrespect anyone……eva…… and if that is your MO than maybe you need to find a blog for haters.