I Just Want to be Successful…in Love
Good Morning! I had a busy and fun weekend. How was your weekend? I spent part of the weekend relaxing, catching up with friends, and some of it was spent being inspired. I attended the Women In Entertainment Empowerment Network (WEEN) conference where they had wonderful speakers and panel discussions.
One of the panel discussions focused around women balancing their careers and relationships. The discussion briefly covered how women who are used to being CEOs, strong and powerful women faced challenges when it came to relationships.
It’s sad to say, but sometimes being a successful single woman is another roadblock to relationships: finding them and keeping them. As someone on the panel stated, women who are go-getters and successful often have to find ways to downplay their success and achievements when they first meet men. Do you think that men have preconceived ideas about women who are successful and single?
As someone on the panel stated, it’s not necessary for someone to know your entire resume right away. In the beginning, it should just be about two people finding out about each other personally, not professionally.
Ladies, when you meet men, do you think that your successful image becomes a problem?
Men, do you like confident women who are successful? Are you drawn to women who are single and successful? Do you ever think successful women are too high-maintenance or out of your league?
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306 comments Add your comment
Dream_n
August 31st, 2009
10:44 am
@ Dan: Because guys that hold to the mindstate of the tradtional male/female dynamic often feel this way. Not necessarily intimidated, but lost without a clearly defined role (as he sees it).
That’s a great way to look at the situation too…. Some men have always been defined by the money they make, being the head of household, and being able to take cars of their family. If a woman can pretty much hold it down without a man… “some” men not all may feel a little helpless…”some” men may relish in the fact that they don’t really have to come out of the pocket as much…..
Turd Ferguson
August 31st, 2009
10:44 am
Attn Ladies. After numerous missteps my girlfriend of 8 months is no more. Therefore, I am now accepting applications for her replacement.
Dan
August 31st, 2009
10:45 am
@Dream_n
Success is defined by the individual.
For instance, a friend of mine has a wife, 3 kids, and they are in the process of buying a home; I define that as success.
Yet, he defines my job (and the things it has allowed me to do) is his definition of success.
Two different definitions, based on our views of success
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
10:46 am
Dream – Actually successful is being comfortable.. Bills are paid and you owe no one. Successful is when you live well beneath your means but still live life to the fullest. Being successful is honoring your family and making sure they are good.. Successful is raising well rounded culturally and socially adjusted children. Being successful is just being happy to be.. Success aint got nothing to do with money.. thats another trick we have fallen for.. Things dont define success.. The good you give society defines success.
abc
August 31st, 2009
10:47 am
A successful is defined by personal happiness and contentment, and that which one can bestow upon one’s family and friends. Beyond a certain amount of money and material wealth, success isn’t dependent upon income, and that amount is quite variable. By the time you’re talking about 10 bedroom houses, money has long since ceased to be a factor in relative success. That level of materialism is almost certain to cause unhappiness — note, not that level or wealth, but that level of materialism.
The Real Rell - so numb!
August 31st, 2009
10:47 am
i tend to meet the model/actress/singer/fashion designer/make up artist/tatoo artist/movie script writer/author….etc
never the “dayum baby girl got paper” chick…..those model/actress/singer types are funnnnnny people…like pick one first then try to evolve…how you going to be all three at the same time…lmao
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:47 am
Dream_n, IMO Success is not determined by the amount of money that you make.
You could be successful at building a house of cans. Meeting your goal is what makes you successful.
My goal in life is to be a responsible adult that carries my own weight. I feel that I am successful in that area.
My goal is to be a good mother. I am still striving at that. My kids are only 20, 16 and 3 months. And the end of my life and/or theirs my success is mothering will be determined.
My goal is to be as good of a wife as the husband I desire. Still working at that. Ask me about it in about another 30-40 years.
My goal is to be a tried and true friend. My friends are still hanging around.
abc
August 31st, 2009
10:47 am
a successful life, that is.
Melo
August 31st, 2009
10:48 am
I’ve never spent any extended amount of time with a dude that was “just hustling” or any other career that was dishonorable.
good for u and im sure u dropped them quick if ever u came across one,if any…
u may have a unique way of discussing with pple, i dont know but either way,even in simple conversation, a person will reveal what they do,like u said, without u asking the “what do u do qstion”.
At that point, u either get closer,as far as being curious etc and discussing some more or u look the other way…
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
10:49 am
Kym – We hate needy chicks.. That has been hammered home.. Its a balance.. Ya’ll always say what ya’ll need from us but when we say what we need from ya’ll.. We get the rolling eyes and the obligatory “Child Please”
abc
August 31st, 2009
10:49 am
And, a man who is not head of his own household is not a man. Been there, done that, it doesn’t work.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:49 am
14, I meant 14 not 16. I must wish he was 16 already. LOL
Melo
August 31st, 2009
10:50 am
Beyond a certain amount of money and material wealth, success isn’t dependent upon income, and that amount is quite variable. By the time you’re talking about 10 bedroom houses,
i like the way pple here hide behind a finger and take a simple subject to a whole another, left level……
Chink
August 31st, 2009
10:51 am
To me Success is not really the end result but more the journey….So to me people who are successful are those that beat the odds or had that determination to keep going. I watched the movie about Ernie Davis (The Express) I thought he was successful very touching story.
Having alot of money is not success alot of “rich” people show us that every day…..
Anurag’s Blog » I Just Want to be Successful…in Love | Misadventures in Atlanta
August 31st, 2009
10:51 am
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Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
10:51 am
@Dream I think we each define our own level of success. For example the Mickie D’s manager may have grown up in a trailer park with 8 sisters and brothers and the idea of moving out of that life seemed impossible but they did it. A person who’s parents never finish grade school but who is their families first college graduate maybe consider successful. I think to define success you have to look at all the factors leading that person to that particular point in their life. What is success for one person is not the same for others.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
10:53 am
Kym – Great Post to Dream
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:54 am
So Chink I can only be successful at building a house of cans if it was a hard and strenious process I have to overcome?
Success is acheiving your goal or desire. Whether it be hard or easy.
AmazonRed™ - successful in vacationing
August 31st, 2009
10:54 am
but either way,even in simple conversation, a person will reveal what they do,like u said, without u asking the “what do u do qstion”.
melo – Which is exactly my point. I don’t need to cozy up to some dude at a bar and say “hi my name is…, what do you do?”
In dealing with people, especially men, folks like to talk about themselves. And what they do is a part of who they are. Most often a guy will volunteer what he does without me even having to prompt. The good ones often want you to know from jump that they are gainfully employed and that they are making moves.
I don’t have to ask. Besides, I know how to hold a conversation without bringing up all the cliched questions. Boring!
Chink
August 31st, 2009
10:55 am
By the way there are plenty of people who fake the funk …or buy things they can’t afford to show others how “successful” they are …but in reality they are lying to themselves.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:55 am
Kym I agree. It has nothing to do with a particular number of figures in a salary but more so of what you set out to accomplish.
Chink
August 31st, 2009
10:56 am
I dont think anything worth it will ever be “easy” we all have to sacrifice something in life ….but thats the way I see it …If its easy you wont really appreciate it.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
10:56 am
to show others how “successful” they are
And those are usually the ones that carry that attitude with it.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
10:57 am
I tell women when I meet them that I work for Dekalb County Sanitation but I clean up well..
Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
10:57 am
@DK Fine you hate needy chicks but when someone ask you what is you are in need of (besides two warm holes to stick your willy wonka in.) you seem at a loss. “I’m a man you can’t help me, I got this, or my favorite..It’s all good.” If it was all good you wouldnt be walking around looking and acting loopy all the time. If you can’t verbalize your need, how are we suppose to know?
Melo
August 31st, 2009
11:05 am
Having alot of money is not success alot of “rich” people show us that every day…..
it is success in my view,the personal mis cues not withstanding.
Show me a not-so successful man who is perfect?
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
11:06 am
Kym – Well youre right a closed mouth cant get fed.. Thats where communication is key.. That there is the most important ingredient to amy relationship.. You have to be able to come to your mate with anything.. And discuss it like adults to get it resolved and get each others needs met.
Oh and by the way.. I hates me a filth flarn filth Steeler fan..
SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here
August 31st, 2009
11:07 am
Just like you all don’t like needy chicks, we don’t like needy dudes.
We also do not like dudes who ‘let’ women take care of them or ‘expect’ women to take care of them – always ‘needing a lil help’. All these dayum momma’s boys running around Atlanta need to be checked and these enabling @ss chicks need some straightening.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
11:07 am
Melo – Show me a successful man who’s perfect..
Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
11:09 am
@DK So which lowlife, whimpy team, (who the Steeler must have beat the breaks off of), is your team?
Melo
August 31st, 2009
11:13 am
Melo – Show me a successful man who’s perfect
there isnt one but it seems like pple are going to the left with success… saying u cant say a millioanaire is successful coz they have personal foibles…thats bullshyt! nobody is perfect…
anonymousella
August 31st, 2009
11:14 am
most people don’t understand what i do and as a result have no sense about what i might earn unless they’re in the industry themselves. i don’t have a “successful image,” even though by many measures i am “successful.” i look like a broke college student despite being neither.
that said, i don’t downplay my success, my experiences or my intelligence. how you feel about it is your issue.
The Real Rell - so numb!
August 31st, 2009
11:15 am
@Sexycool..thats real talk
But really its not about need in these streets..its about want on both ends.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 31st, 2009
11:15 am
Morning Blog Peeps!
I had a pleasant weekend – me & SO saw 2 good movies Sat night – District 9 and The Final Destination. Sunday we played the new Wii sports games. Boy child wore me out in Fencing, but I beat everybody down in Bowling. Also played the new 100 pin bowling game which was a lot of fun.
If a person can’t deal with what YOUR definition of success is, NEXT. I really don’t have time to deal with somebody else’s insecurities. With my educational background and experience, I could easily be on a CFO/CEO track – but I chose not to because I preferred a more balanced life. That level of career success comes with a price, at least in my career field. I would be working 80 hour weeks, but have no time left to enjoy the money & material wealth that comes with it. Sounds very lonely to me. So, I have a great house, a decent car, my bills are paid on time and I have everything I NEED and some of what I want materially. But the things that matter most – wonderful friends, good family relationships, involvement in my community and a great guy – these things are priceless.
I think a lot of people like to automatically ASSUME that if a woman has a great career that she will be high maint & does not NEED a man. Yes, there are some that don’t know how to leave work at work, but there are countless men who can’t either. I’ve known of men that act like drill sergents when they come home. But society accepts that even they make those around them miserable.
I mean, like DK said that some women talk themselves out of a good man. Now really how are they doing this? Do they walk up in a club or a party & announce “I’m a successful career woman and I don’t need a man”? I mean, even if she’s materialistic and has her nose in the air, does that still automatically mean she does not “need” a man? Maybe it just means she needs somebody as shallow as she is.
Melo – I’m feeling your posts today.
AmazonRed™ - successful in vacationing
August 31st, 2009
11:17 am
My goal in life is to be a responsible adult that carries my own weight. I feel that I am successful in that area.
Amen!!!
Lioness
August 31st, 2009
11:17 am
Sexy- I agree!! Too many to count
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
11:17 am
Kym – That my dear is exactly why i dont like steeler fans.. No class.. Always talking trash.. And My dear the last time our two teams met we throttled ya’ll. Yes Im a Falcons fan, win lose or draw.. My family has had season ticket holders since 74.. Ya’ll have nothing on my hatred for a Aints Fans.. I was born and raised to despise The Aints..
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 31st, 2009
11:20 am
Kimmie – Something like that.. They seem to always want to convey how important they are. Hey dont shoot the messenger.. Evidently there is a problem because we wouldnt be discussing it if it wasnt and you cant just point the finger at the men who cant handle a successful woman.. I am willing to bet the problem is most Men cant be a B!tch for that woman so it doesnt work..
Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member
August 31st, 2009
11:22 am
@DK Your hate is showing..you did not throttle us. Last two games the Fakecons and the Steelers played it went to OT. Going to OT means we let you hang in there and didn’t kill you when whe had the chance. As for Steeler fans..we are the most loyal fan base out there, then Raiders fan(lawd bless them they are lost in the 70’s) The Fakecons fan however, ya’ll change like the weather.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
11:22 am
You want me to need you and I need you to want me, so we good.
The Real Rell - fantasy football king
August 31st, 2009
11:25 am
@raqi..true
but what i have run across is that women looking not to make the same mistakes again…i am cool with that..but dont look at me like your saviour…most are not willing to save themselves…they pretend until the ship is righted again…lol…i am telling you i see it clear right now..real clear
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 31st, 2009
11:25 am
My goal in life is to be a responsible adult that carries my own weight. I feel that I am successful in that area.
I agree with Raqi’s statement. But I’ve actually come across some guys that had a problem with that mindset. They felt I was not driven enough! I’m successful in my own mind but not successful enough for YOU?
Also, I know plenty “successful” women that are in great marriages. Most met their husbands in college, law/med school etc. I think it’s tougher to meet secure men once you are out in the “real” world. That’s when you run into these “intimidated” types that you have to downplay your accomplishments around.
Dan
August 31st, 2009
11:27 am
@DK
That’s the “logic” issue creeping in again.
If the “successful” women are having trouble finding/keeping men, then of course it has nothing to do with their selection of mates – it’s about the guys being intimidated or “not worthy”.
It’s a false construct built to minimize personal responsibility. (see also: the guys that profess to be “too nice”)
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 31st, 2009
11:31 am
They seem to always want to convey how important they are.
DK – But men do it too, but everyone accepts it. These are the dudes that always want to lead with their wallet, but complain that all they meet are golddiggers.
Yeah, this is an issue that is popular to discuss on dating blogs such as this and shows like Michael Baisden & Oprah. But we all know the drill. And like Melo said, a lot of times the successful women end up downplaying their accomplishments so they can make some insecure dude feel okay about himself. Hey, don’t shoot the messenger.LOL!!!
SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here
August 31st, 2009
11:34 am
Kimmie – “But I’ve actually come across some guys that had a problem with that mindset. They felt I was not driven enough! I’m successful in my own mind but not successful enough for YOU? ”
I’ve encountered that. I have goals, dreams and ambition. I have things that I want to do in my life that are not career driven. I am way more concerned with the quality of my life and other intangible things as opposed to other concerns.
Chink
August 31st, 2009
11:38 am
Melo
it is success in my view,the personal mis cues not withstanding.
Show me a not-so successful man who is perfect.
To me thats not even a “man” more like a boy with money. I would take a morally enriched, poor, humble man any day.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 31st, 2009
11:40 am
I have goals, dreams and ambition. I have things that I want to do in my life that are not career driven. I am way more concerned with the quality of my life and other intangible things as opposed to other concerns.
SCool – High 5 to that, me too! Some folks just don’t get it.
Raqi
August 31st, 2009
11:42 am
they pretend until the ship is righted again
LOL Rell You become the Capt’n?
Wings ()
August 31st, 2009
11:46 am
@Kimmie – I have a relative like that- He leads with his wallet and meets gold diggers………….We actually had that conversation over the weekend……………he actually met a nice woman…………who’s only requirement was of him and not his money and his new complaint was she is not his type……..go figure…………….
His motives are not clear………
Dream_n
August 31st, 2009
11:47 am
@ Dan…. great point.. Some women/men hide behind that statement. “People can’t deal with my accomplishments”, when its further from the truth. How about… after we take away all the acomplishments there’s really nothing else left lol. I’ve met people like that. People who talk about how much money they have and this and that, but when you change the subject or take that aspect away.. you have pretty much a shell of a person there lol
Also the “nice guyz finish last” hooplah.. I hate that saying… What women wouldn’t want a nice guy… You’re probably just boring and hiding behind the I’m so nice women dont want me puh–lease lol