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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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I Just Want to be Successful…in Love

Good Morning! I had a busy and fun weekend. How was your weekend? I spent part of the weekend relaxing, catching up with friends, and some of it was spent being inspired. I attended the Women In Entertainment Empowerment Network (WEEN) conference where they had wonderful speakers and panel discussions.

One of the panel discussions focused around women balancing their careers and relationships. The discussion briefly covered how women who are used to being CEOs, strong and powerful women faced challenges when it came to relationships.

It’s sad to say, but sometimes being a successful single woman is another roadblock to relationships: finding them and keeping them.  As someone on the panel stated, women who are go-getters and successful often have to find ways to downplay their success and achievements when they first meet men. Do you think that men have preconceived ideas about women who are successful and single?

As someone on the panel stated, it’s not necessary for someone to know your entire resume right away. In the beginning, it should just be about two people finding out about each other personally, not professionally.

Ladies, when you meet men, do you think that your successful image becomes a problem?

Men, do you like confident women who are successful? Are you drawn to women who are single and successful? Do you ever think successful women are too high-maintenance or out of your league?

306 comments Add your comment

Dan

August 31st, 2009
9:09 am

Good morning,

First: successful and high maintenance are two different concepts, which I’ll get into later today (hopefully).

For the question of the post Men, do you like confident women who are successful? My answer is, of course.

There’s nothing better than a person that has the drive and determination to acheive what they define as success. I want to how they got there, what were the motivations, the distractions – all that. I find find “successful” people interesting in general.

As for a successful woman (a Black woman at that), I know she has a story to tell. One that would engage me for hours. And in the telling of that story, I get a sense of who she is, where she’s been, and her heart in getting there.

I’d also get to the questions about applying that focus to relationships, so all in all, a “successful” woman is -at the very least- a great friend to have; with the potential to be a greater mate IMO.

Wings ()

August 31st, 2009
9:13 am

Good Morning Bloggers!

Ladies, when you meet men, do you think that your successful image becomes a problem?
No, because I generally attract men who are secure with their own professional journey.

The conundrum comes for me in that I equate real success with having successful love……………does it mean that I have not accomplished much……no, but what what it does mean is that I have not attained what really matters to me the most…………successful love (growing love).

Inspiration………….is the other face of love!

Have a great day!

AmazonRed™ - successful in vacationing

August 31st, 2009
9:23 am

Morning all! WD glad you had a nice weekend. I did as well, once my flight back into ATL finally go in. No worries, another short work week til I’m in the air again. Hooray!

Anywhoo…as for me…what successful image? I have a cool job but it’s hardly brain surgery. What I do is unique and folks are always impressed but it’s hardly threatening to a persons ego or accomplishments.

But yes, upon meeting a guy, the last thing I want to focus on is what he does or what I do. To me, it’s unimportant until the relationship begins progressing, and quite often a first or second conversation is hardly a gauge of if you’ll ever know someone well enough to get a cut of his paycheck. It all eventually comes out as the relationship grows.

Raqi

August 31st, 2009
9:24 am

This past weekend? We went to the Amicalola Falls and boy are my leg muscles sore. I was not able to climb the entire 425 steps but I did get slightly pass 300. It was nice to be in the fresh air and it was very good exercise.

For the as the topic itself, these are often discussions that I find the most amazing. To be successful is just doing well for yourself. Carrying your own weight. IMO that is the same as being a responsible adult. I have never met a man that frowns on a woman that is a responsible adult. Every grown woman and man should be.

I think the issues only come about when that responsibleness (lol) becomes inflated in your mind and you adopt the “I am somebody hear me roar” attitude. It’s not the success itself that ruins people but it’s the attitude behind it.

But who am I to even have an opinion on this? I’m not successful. I am just responsible. And grown. And married.

I’ll read along until something piques my interest to comment on.

Dream_n

August 31st, 2009
9:25 am

Good Morning All,
Do you think that men have preconceived ideas about women who are successful and single?

I think “some” men are intimidated by women who “got it together. ie: those that don’t have it together yet. I think other men find it admirable that a woman is throwing out that old concept of men being the bread winner, and adopting that same mentality into their own life. I’m not at the point in my life where I can say I’m “successful”, but when I do get to that level I don’t want a man to feel intimidated or shy away from my accomplishments…..

Lioness

August 31st, 2009
9:35 am

Good Morning All

Ared-upon meeting a guy, the last thing I want to focus on is what he does or what I do. To me, it’s unimportant until the relationship begins progressing, and quite often a first or second conversation is hardly a gauge of if you’ll ever know someone well enough to get a cut of his paycheck. It all eventually comes out as the relationship grows. <– I agree!

Lioness

August 31st, 2009
9:40 am

If a man has a problem with how successful I am, he has a character flaw. Frankly, I don’t believe my success in life has anything to do with my relationship with any individual..

Tazzee - RIP iPhone

August 31st, 2009
9:40 am

Morning Folks!!!

Yes, I have downplayed my success in the past. I’ve had guys make comments like “Whoa, you’re big time, I guess you don’t need a man” And this isn’t a result of me being an ‘I am woman, hear me roar’ person – I’ve never flaunted my professional successes. So I got to the point of just telling guys I’m an accountant. So then I’d get “can you do my taxes?” instead of “I guess you don’t need a man”

My weekend was good outside of the fact that my iPhone died. This Nokia flip phone doesn’t do what my iPhone can do for me.

Raqi

August 31st, 2009
9:42 am

You know what keeps lingering in my mind? “Successful Image”. That there says a lot.

That says that outside of being successful, there is an image that is displayed. Meaning that one carries themselves in a certain way as to be noted for their success. That’s part of that attitude I am talking about.

My friend and her husband both are doctors and have boocoos (beaucoup) of dough but they are okay spending their leisure time with little people like me and mine. The only image to their success is their posted degrees at their offices and their mini-mansion. But you would have to befriend them first to get a peek at their cave. The carry no image of being successful.

WiseDiva I think this “image of success” is a hot topic.

STILL HATIN @ENZION .....

August 31st, 2009
9:43 am

ARED WHAT IF LATER YOU FOUND OUT HE WAS WORKING AT MCDONALDS?

Then what?

Raqi

August 31st, 2009
9:44 am

“Whoa, you’re big time, I guess you don’t need a man”

Tazzee that is probably a result of past experiences with some other successful imaged women. Sometimes we come across situations so many times things become expected. Nothing just evolves out of thin air.

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

August 31st, 2009
9:51 am

“I think the issues only come about when that responsibleness (lol) becomes inflated in your mind and you adopt the “I am somebody hear me roar” attitude. It’s not the success itself that ruins people but it’s the attitude behind it.” — Raqi

And there you have it.

AmazonRed™ - successful in vacationing

August 31st, 2009
9:51 am

I’ve had guys make comments like “Whoa, you’re big time, I guess you don’t need a man”

:lol:

I love when the dumbazzes eliminate themselves. Saves you a lot of trouble. :lol:

Lioness

August 31st, 2009
9:54 am

Taz- Dude had issues with himself.. If it wasn’t what you do for a living it would have been something else. Kind of car you drive, house you live in, etc

Still- Why should that make a difference?

Raqi- You are right!
There are TONS of ppl who live WAY above their means to make themselves seem like they are more successful than they actually are..

abc

August 31st, 2009
9:54 am

It’s nothing to do with ‘high maintenance’ or ‘out of your league’. It’s about the personality and character traits that it takes for a woman to become an executive at the highest level, or to be the one running the company. While admitting generalization, and that nothing is always absolutely so, women of that type aren’t very pleasant to be around. Frankly, people of that type aren’t very pleasant to be around, male or female.

I’m not talking about a chick that’s a great salesperson, project manager, engineer, nor one in a corporate director-level kind of position — although the cracks can start to show at that level.

A person’s career can be their primary focus to the detriment of personal relationships, again, no matter their gender, and even no matter their station on the org chart. I know male musicians that have wrecked 3 marriages or more due to their focus on their own career, and female school teachers who’ve done the same thing.

I guess, in general, my feeling is that someone who relies too much on their career for their self-identity will have problems with personal relationships, but reiterating Sturgeon’s law, because you chicks can get so touchy about things: nothing is always absolutely so.

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

August 31st, 2009
9:56 am

“I’ve never flaunted my professional successes. So I got to the point of just telling guys I’m an accountant.” — Tazzee

Sometimes that’s all that’s necessary. Most mature guys only want to know that you’re gainfully employed and can take care of your responsibilities. We generally don’t care about fancy extended titles or job descriptions.

Tazzee - RIP iPhone

August 31st, 2009
9:56 am

Raqi yeah, I kinda figured it was the result of past experiences. But you know we women are the only ones with baggage…

AmRed yes, that saved a lot of time for me. Thankfully by the time I got ‘big time’ I was over my period of trying to prove that all black women weren’t (fill in the blank)

What kills me is that when I would make comments about a guy not being able to handle my success, it was ALWAYS assumed it was because I was flaunting it.

Tazzee - RIP iPhone

August 31st, 2009
9:59 am

Fred G Sanford, Jr – trust me, I never gave extended titles. It was more like:

Him: where do you work
Me: XYZ company
Him: what do you do
Me: honest answer (without the title)

If all he wanted to know was that I was gainfully employed then I think he could have stopped at the first question.

But then again, that was back when I didn’t know about the games that needed to be played in dating – here I am thinking we’re having an genuine conversation and dude is actually interested in what I do…

I’m an accountant…

MsM

August 31st, 2009
10:03 am

Heck some are threatened by the fact that you can pay your car note and electric bill in the same month (LOL). My SO was so use to women that were always in need of the basic support that he truly didn’t know how to take me we when I told him that yes I need a man just not like that… It’s great if he can have my back should I need him, and believe me I got you too. Thank God he finally got that!.

Bottom line… it’s I’m just doing what a grown responsible adult is suppose to to… for him a refreshing mentality.

Melo

August 31st, 2009
10:04 am

Do you ever think successful women are too high-maintenance or out of your league?

Dianne Sawyer is high maintenance for me,absolutely! Out of my league,yeah she is….but im still trying… :lol:

If u consider urself a successful woman,target that pool of men that is in ur league. I think it is possible.The only reason women down play who they are when they are with those guys is becoz those guys are intimidated by their success or that the females have targeted the wrong guys.A guy who is equally successful or ambitions proly wont be that intimidated.
Ur dilemna,as a woman, is to weed out who qualifies and who doesnt coz if u dont do that process wisely, the ugly head of of the insecure man will rear itself down the road.No wonder some females are on the ugly, receiving end.
The down side of being successful for females is that there arent enough successful guys to go round.Thats why,in my view,females end up with trashy guys,thugs,felons and dealers.Its becoz the eligible bachelors in their leagues are busy chasing their ambitions,playing etc and not ready to settle down.
The chics meanwhile, as u all know,are ready,the womb is fertile and they want that man,a husband and a regular nite sqeeze.Hence most end up settling for the low low trife….
Patience,i say ladies,Patience.
Pick ur posion wisely.
I dont mind Opprah myself,but i may not be able to handle her…see!
Good morning folks..

Lioness

August 31st, 2009
10:05 am

Fred- Sometimes that’s all that’s necessary. Most mature guys only want to know that you’re gainfully employed and can take care of your responsibilities. We generally don’t care about fancy extended titles or job descriptions.<– I agree.. Most mature PEOPLE wouldn’t give a fudge about titles!

Raqi

August 31st, 2009
10:05 am

abc I agree that sometimes the mindset it takes to do a certain job can be detrimental to a person’s life and relationships outside of that job…when an actual life exists outside of that job.

Military professionals, athletes and police officers have always been on my “Do Not Date” list. They are too angry and overly aggressive for me.

MsM

August 31st, 2009
10:06 am

P.S. I don’t make the grade as far as what society dictates as successful ($$$, title, etc.)

STILL HATIN @ENZION .....

August 31st, 2009
10:06 am

ARED- WHAT IF LATER YOU FOUND OUT HE WAS WORKING AT MCDONALDS?

Then what?

Raqi

August 31st, 2009
10:08 am

intimidated by their success

I don’t think it’s the success itself but the attitudes that can sometimes be attached to the success.

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

August 31st, 2009
10:11 am

Tazzee – I didn’t mean to imply that you were giving extended titles. I was speaking in general.

Personally, I don’t get caught up in what a woman does. I’ll inquire and ask questions out of interest in her as a person, but not to size her up. As long as we’re compatible and she’s not clueless about relationships, I’m good.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 31st, 2009
10:14 am

No dude is afraid of a chick making her own dough.. We prefer it.. Where the problem comes in is with the mouth behind it.. The I dont need a man to do anything for me syndrome.. Most of ya’ll talk yourselves out of a good man.. No one cares how much money you make because if youre in it for the right reason your money becomes his and his yours. We get it youre independent, you dont need a dude.. Well guess what Men like to feel needed.. Its who we are. We like to feel lika a MAN for our WOMAN… See alot of successful women are so used to telling dudes what to do at the office they cant turn it off when they get home.. No man wants a woman acting like she has a pair of nuts.

SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here

August 31st, 2009
10:15 am

Three Words Daily – Pursue YOUR happYness.

Compelling

August 31st, 2009
10:16 am

This has always been an interesting topic to me. In my book club we often discuss what a woman is looking for in a man. We’ve had responses that run from one extreme to the other. For instance, some women said they can’t see themselves with a person who works at McDonalds because they desire a man who has attained a degree like they have. Other women didn’t have a problem with him working in the fast food industry as long as he wasn’t complacent there, meaning his goal is to eventually own and operate his own franchise. The vast majority of the women simply felt that in order to be successful, one has to be driven.

A lot of women who fit the description of “sucessful” feel that their prospects dwindle each time they attain another degree or enter a higher tax bracket. So is it wrong for her to desire a mate who has acheived just as much if not more than she has in life? Or should she “settle” for a hardworking man who is loyal to her and makes a decent living. I’m not saying that I agree or disagree with this way of thinking, I’m just saying that this is a real problem. Trust me in some circles who you date is really important (not saying it’s right) and your choice in a man or woman can be frowned upon.

Oh yeah I had a great weekend WD, very fun and relaxing. :-)

Melo

August 31st, 2009
10:17 am

But yes, upon meeting a guy, the last thing I want to focus on is what he does/strong>

Ared, i wld think thats a mistake.
While i admit that what a guy does says nothing about his character,on the bare minimum,it should be a a basic screening criteria.If a guys says to u on asking what he does,”oh hmmmm,just hustling, u know how it is” and ends there,u proly have many questions on ur mind as u go ur seperate ways,even tho the guy looked well dressed,sharp and kinda articulate.
If a chic said to me that she was a stripper but my eye had intentions of dating her,then right there, i know,there is no chance of that hapenning and no need for me to waste any more time on that or exchanging numbers,except for u know what. :lol:
Mytwo.

Lioness

August 31st, 2009
10:17 am

DK- No man wants a woman acting like she has a pair of nuts.<– :lol: :lol: :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 31st, 2009
10:19 am

Here we go.. Im gonna wear my PANTS regardless of what you do or how much money you make..

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 31st, 2009
10:21 am

Compelling – Love has nothing to do with money.. Thats the trick we have all fallen for..

Lioness

August 31st, 2009
10:21 am

Melo- Ok but people lie about their profession EVERYDAY to get what/who they want.. Then what?

Remember that dude in Atlanta that fronted like he was an ER doctor @ Piedmont hospital??

Raqi

August 31st, 2009
10:22 am

Men like to feel needed

Yes they do and there is nothing wrong with that. It does not make us less of a woman or less of a responsible or successful woman to need our men and to make him feel wanted.

We have our needs and they have theirs.

Melo

August 31st, 2009
10:22 am

the attitudes

but “that attitude” is a perception of the other party.
If im successful, i kinda show it and u,on the other hand will have ur own perception of my attitude,whether i agree with u or not…..hence the conundrum…

Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member

August 31st, 2009
10:25 am

Good Morning All,

I agree with Tazzee. I have heard the your bigtime..or your too smart for me.(That one irrates me to know freaking end.) And frankly I don’t even like telling people where I work. It brings on topics of convo that I don’t enjoy having. I spent my weekend in class, and cleaning(I swear my house is never clean enough).

Nonya

August 31st, 2009
10:26 am

I learned my lesson long ago regarding providing my title when asked my occupation. Men are much more receptive to “office work” as opposed to “fill in the blank”. I, too have gotten that, “Whoa, you’re big time, I guess you don’t need a man” reaction. I think it’s a travesty that successful woman are often overlooked because of the automatic assumption that our title/income negates the need for an active and positive male presence in our lives. My title is merely that – a title. I, on the other hand, am a woman with needs that my title just can’t meet.

Kym-Steeler Nation and Snuggie Cult Member

August 31st, 2009
10:29 am

This topic is not going to become that whole “You don’t look needy enough or Can men deal with a woman with a woman making more money than him.” is it?

SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here

August 31st, 2009
10:29 am

I think a large part of this particular problem is generated by our insistence with defining success by career achievements and income earned.

While I have nothing against THAT kind of success, my definition of success is more in line with Raqi’s.

My wealth is in the smiles of my family, the good company of my friends, my health and peace of mind, the ability to take care of my basic needs, attain some of my wants and the hope for a better tomorrow.

Compelling

August 31st, 2009
10:31 am

@DK- I totally agree with you, love does have very little to do with money. But a lot of women can’t seem to separate the two.

I agree with what has been said, everyone wants to feel needed. I wouldn’t want someone’s success thrown in my face constantly, it’d get real old. I honestly feel that it’s up to the individual to set their barometer for success and strive to attain that. It gets to be problematic when you can’t share it with someone else and your joy becomes working towards that next goal instead of improving your relationship. It’s all about balance.

Melo

August 31st, 2009
10:32 am

Lioness, what do u do after u realize they lied??

The Real Rell - so numb!

August 31st, 2009
10:32 am

Do you ever think successful women are too high-maintenance or out of your league?

- lol…HELL NO…there is no problem..and again i dont understand these new cats…i have not meet a truly successful women in a minute…when i do…i will never say..whoa you big time or any of that other jazz…i will be like cool…most of what i say is “i see you are a go-getter” or ” i see you have accomplished alot, thats great”..da hell is up with these new cats i have no idea…scared of successful women…LMAO

AGAIN women with money need management right…lol…

SexyCool - Insert witty phrase here

August 31st, 2009
10:32 am

Kym – I promise that I am going to send you an invoice for the SNUGGIE that you are trying to FORCE me to buy.

Dan

August 31st, 2009
10:35 am

@Tazz

Question: could the guy have meant “you don’t need a man [to take care of you in the traditional sense]“?

Because guys that hold to the mindstate of the tradtional male/female dynamic often feel this way. Not necessarily intimidated, but lost without a clearly defined role (as he sees it).

AmazonRed™ - successful in vacationing

August 31st, 2009
10:36 am

While i admit that what a guy does says nothing about his character,on the bare minimum,it should be a a basic screening criteria.If a guys says to u on asking what he does,”oh hmmmm,just hustling, u know how it is” and ends there,

melo – But the thing is…in my 31 years on this earth, I’ve never spent any extended amount of time with a dude that was “just hustling” or any other career that was dishonorable.

Like I said, it all comes out eventually, meaning I don’t have to ask on convo one “what do you do?” Depending on a persons experiences, that question can be a loaded one.

So really, if we are spending time talking and getting to know one another, it will all natually evolve. I spend my 9-5 with you good people. If I were to talk to him and he spent his day watching TV on the couch, the flags would be raised. You can’t get to know someone without EVER knowing how they spend their days.

Lioness

August 31st, 2009
10:38 am

Melo- Give him the deuces :)

Dream_n

August 31st, 2009
10:40 am

Let’s take the time to define succesful… Is successful having that 8 figure income… 18 bedroom home… 10 car garage…. or is it making half a million… 10 bedroom home… 5 car garage…… Where is the line drawn between whos successful and who’s not… Is the job title that defines the success. Can you work at Mc Donald’s as a manager.. have a 3 bedroom home 1 car and still be considred successful…. What the defines successful???????

Dan

August 31st, 2009
10:42 am

@Melo

I agree with your sentiment.

Sometimes finding out what a person does is a key into finding out who they are. Little stuff like, if you don’t like the job, why are still there?

I find that people reveal a lot about themselves if you ask the right questions and listen to the answers.

Lioness

August 31st, 2009
10:42 am

Dream- Good question! Living comfortably within your means is good enough for me :)