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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

In Between Men

Ok, not literally between men.  The title refers to the time when a single woman is not in an exclusive relationship but has a couple of suitors on deck who could definitely make a great candidate. I think for a lot of women this time can extend longer than expected or desired. Then she’s left with the dilemma: do I pursue casual hookups in the meantime or wait for Mr. Right (aka Mr. Right around the corner, Mr. Right for you, Mr. Right on TIME).

I don’t think this is an issue for men as much, is it? Do guys ever consider the idea of casual hooking up with one woman a deterrent to having a long-term relationship with another one? Is it necessary to do the meaningless booty calls and random hook ups if you actually want to build something with someone you feel connected to?

What do you do in the time that you are between relationships? Focus energy on finding the long term relationship that you actually desire or hit up the single people buffet until you get full?

What do you think is the best course of action if you really desire a long term relationship?

501 comments Add your comment

Tazzee

August 28th, 2009
1:18 pm

melo Yes, I’m still holding strong. I’m still on my love high and this discussion is a little bit of a downer, LOL.

M’ Congratulations Lady!

Dan Thank you – I’ll accept all congratulations from here until I’m in the grave. Shoot, there might be some days I need a random one to remind me of how I feel right now.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 28th, 2009
1:19 pm

Re: Kym and BS alert LOL,

Nope, I am saying exactly that. I don’t pressure a womann. If the woman says no, and I have no compelling reason to believe that the relationship will grow in ALL ways, then I lace up my New Balances and take off. I don’t need to pressure a woman…and don’t. There is always another one around the corner. It is what it is.

@ Dan I agree. We have to go preferably honestly with what floats our respective boats.

Tazzee

August 28th, 2009
1:19 pm

melo – I may have misinterpreted your question – but I’m still holding strong in my love haze.

Dan

August 28th, 2009
1:20 pm

@Rell

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA “what you gave the last brother” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I needed that

Chink

August 28th, 2009
1:24 pm

DK actually he brings it up…and we talk about it. Oh they dont leave that easily…lol. By the way I am a lady and forcing men to marry me isn’t on my agenda.

The Real Rell - cashing in wolf tickets!

August 28th, 2009
1:24 pm

@dan…you know the brother you may run into when you out with slim and she is like yea i know him..and she looking all sheepish and ish…like ooo he was one of those friends…but i am out here with you getting you strawberry-kiwi lemonade and some chedda biscuits…and all he gave you was left over spagetthi and hard dizzle…yea what a deal

W8©

August 28th, 2009
1:26 pm

Time limit on sex…if it happens it happens..I think the longest I have waited was 3 months…but that was an oddity….Just keeping it real some women want it just as bad as men do and will have sex quickly….then will try and work out the particulars later…folks tend to forget it takes two……

On the inbetween relationships actions..it depends on where my mind is…sometimes I can just be flowing and going out..other times I can be looking for a particular thing. Some men need lightbulb moments…so men have focus on what their goals are to be and act on them….it’s real easy to sit back and play armchair quarterback..but until that blitz comes at you in real life you dont know what you will do..will you stay in the pocket or will you roll out……………………

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 28th, 2009
1:27 pm

Randy – No one pressures a woman.. Actually I am the most nonchalant dude about sex. Women rarely know that I want to wrassle with them. I usually let them bring it to the door for me.. No thirst in my eyes.. I come across as if I can do with or without it because Im more concerned with my paper anyway.. Ha ha!!

Willie Dynamite

August 28th, 2009
1:28 pm

Afternoon All,

I can partially agree with Rell. I mean to a point Women know after about 20 mins if a brother has potential. After that and 1-2 dates if the brother is up front and good at wht he does he can filter the fairy tale BS. By the 3rd date he usually has already made a conscious decision to bounce, stick it out or smash this tonight. 9 times out of 10 that decision is directly related to his options. Or in rell’s case his mood. It really is that simple most of the time. Whether women admit it or not it usually is that simple for them also until they get to thinking too much or reading books.

Dream_n

August 28th, 2009
1:29 pm

@ Real Rell — U should get a patent for that last line lol lol lol…..

And are you serious??? Can you really hold a girl that gives it up on the first day in the same regard as the woman who values whats between her leggz… unless that’s ur main focus..

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 28th, 2009
1:29 pm

Chink – Yeah U act like your honey pot is from another galaxy.. I remember now..

Chink

August 28th, 2009
1:30 pm

Hold up – Rell thats wrong on so many levels but I am tired and its Friday and etc…

Chink

August 28th, 2009
1:31 pm

Dk It is…*wink*

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 28th, 2009
1:32 pm

Chink – Intergalactic.. Yeah I remember..

SexyCool - Flowing slowly.

August 28th, 2009
1:34 pm

Dream’n – Just because I gave it him doesn’t mean I don’t value it, it just means I wanted to fck too.

And for the record, I know I don’t have the only good-good in the world. Mine is not the answer to world peace or the end of the recession. It’s just the piece that I happen to carry around with me.

Some chicks place too much value on THAT and not enough on themSELVES.

W8©

August 28th, 2009
1:35 pm

Who pressures women for sex? They want it just as bad or not even more than men do…from the bus top skank to the CEO Ivy League Female executive….women want it..and will put themselves in a situation to get it…now she can fool herself into thinking a few of those sexual relations didnt happen and will stick to her story..but shyyyyyyyyt come on…you make a woman feel comfortable..those legs will open…point blank..or maybe just the mouth will….trips me out folks actin like they holding out……”CHILD PLEASE”–Ocho Cinco

Chink

August 28th, 2009
1:36 pm

Willie- I have yet to spend 20 minutes with a guy and know he has potential…most of the time I am trying to figure out whats a lie and whats the truth???

The Real Rell - cashing in wolf tickets!

August 28th, 2009
1:36 pm

@dream…does your poo cee define you…is that all you are…its not the sex that makes a man stay or pounce…its a personal choice on where we are in our life…i could be waiting on you..and smashing 5 other chicks on the reg..so when your lil lame arse comes around its just like oo i finally got it yeaaah…like getting something off lay away

why do we play this game…its funny when i was over seas never has this convo

plus i slept with my ex-wife on the first night…and we were never apart a day after that for 7yrs…i mean literally…not a day apart..so again for all you wet blanket types…be honest and get your fluck on…i mean really how has waiting worked for you thus far…are you any happier…sex does not ruin relationship but your choice in men/womn…..

Lioness

August 28th, 2009
1:37 pm

DK- I think your 1:27 is very attractive to some women.. Personally, I don’t like any dude bringing up sex or referencing sex on any date I am on with them UNLESS we have already been there..

I don’t understand that whole “first, second, third date” thing in regards to sex. Seems childish to me. I once met this dude & he started talking about that whole counting down dates to sex thing to me & that ruined it for him with me.. It is a turn ff to me when a man talks about sex all the time if we are trying to get to know one another. Automatically go in a “friend zone”

W8©

August 28th, 2009
1:38 pm

@Dream_n I was married to one who gave it up on the first night for 9 years…we got divorced because we got married to young…and grew into adulthood as two different people…so it’s possible….the girl I waited the longest on turned out to be psycho….go figure

Chink

August 28th, 2009
1:39 pm

But then again its the whole package DK…nothing wrong with knowing your worth…I aint prancing around like I got it like that…but I still am aware of my own worth. Silent but Deadly…let me stop playing

W8©

August 28th, 2009
1:39 pm

Lioness

August 28th, 2009
1:39 pm

Chink- I agree w your 1:36

Eiljah ( Kym I want you! You need to have some fun while you are in school!)

August 28th, 2009
1:40 pm

@Rell Old spagetti and dizzle! lol

@Rell we know you are knocking the backs out on a daily basis! The ATL is a smorgasbord of beautiful lusting women who are in need of the dizzle!

Willie Dynamite

August 28th, 2009
1:42 pm

Chink – you telling me after 20 minutes you haven’t figured out whether to give a dude another 20 mins or not? At that point I’m sure you already had the he can get it and lets see what else he is about convo in your mind.

Lioness

August 28th, 2009
1:42 pm

Having sex during the first week of meeting a person is the same as having sex on the first night..

Dream_n

August 28th, 2009
1:42 pm

WOW… lol
IMO… if I value myself… what’s between my legzz are a part of that. I’m not going to sleep with you on the first night I meet you… the 2nd night, or even the 3rd… that’s just me to each its own. I know people who have had sex on the first date and are still together after 2-3 yrs going strong… It’s just me:)

The Real Rell - so numb!

August 28th, 2009
1:42 pm

I am trying to figure out whats a lie and whats the truth???

- again peep slim focus – so no matter what i say she waiting for the other shoe to drop….how can i win when she not paying attention to me or sharing things about what makes her happy, goals in life, where do i fit in…etc etc…she waiting on a fu king lie – unbeliveable!!!!..but you looking at me with a sideeye….

LURKER

August 28th, 2009
1:43 pm

i have the unfortunate luck of meeting women after they have got the “slut” out of em…like they meet me and want to build a relationship or take there time – nope..give me what you gave the last brother…lol

OMG – Three days til bang bang or you’re jetskee, can only make one conclude you “victims” are members of sluts r’ us. If it’s three days til bang bang, trust there’s some “slut” still happening. It all make sense now. SMH tsk tsk tsk

W8©

August 28th, 2009
1:43 pm

Like I have always said..it’s easier now a days to get sex than it is a home cooked meal….women know what they want just like men do…dont hold them to a different standard than you hold yourself to…..hell it just lets me know she knows what she wants…beware of the Alpha Female..she will when everytime over other ladies…gus will sit there and listen to the bs some(not all) women spew and already be mentally gone….but yet she is thinking she is running things….

Eiljah

August 28th, 2009
1:43 pm

@Lioness what is happening? How you doin? :wink:

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 28th, 2009
1:44 pm

W8 – Thats the trick.. “i’m a good girl” well Im McLovin and I want to put this thang in and around your mouth.. Be naked before you can get ya shirt and boxers off grabbing at your Maynehood.

W8©

August 28th, 2009
1:45 pm

I agree with Lioness(cant believe I said that) but having sex within the first week is the same as the first night in my mind

Ms. Main

August 28th, 2009
1:46 pm

I don’t see the difference in whats inhibiting a potentially good relationship. Men demanding sex….or else or women being too emotional. Both seem to be turn offs.

The Real Rell - so numb!

August 28th, 2009
1:47 pm

we know you are knocking the backs out on a daily basis

- i wish…but i am not…the energy i stick out there is one of comfort..plus i am a good listener..so half the time i am talking to a women i feel like larry king…..i dont say much….i am just telling you i see the play…i am neo and i see the dayum matrix for what it is not for what i want it to be…some of yall are full of ish period…most women upfront need plenty of dates and phone convo…and she is good with that….

Sybil

August 28th, 2009
1:48 pm

Sometimes, I can’t have sex with you TOnight because I just had sex with him LAST night.

Ms. Main

August 28th, 2009
1:48 pm

you telling me after 20 minutes you haven’t figured out whether to give a dude another 20 mins or not? At that point I’m sure you already had the he can get it and lets see what else he is about convo in your mind

WOW….so not really (the already had the he can get it part)

Dream_n

August 28th, 2009
1:50 pm

plus y should i give a randonm dude the opourtunity to get off on ME… no no no… Now if that’s all you’re looking for, that’s fine. I’m no sour puss…. I need my lov’n too.. I’m not immune to the scent,sweet talking, or gorgeous smile a man can shoot at you lol…. but if I do decide to have sex it’s going to be with someone who’s FULL NAME i know not just “that guy that gave me the look from the bar” ppuuuhhhhh llleeaassseeee!!

Chink

August 28th, 2009
1:51 pm

Willie…I am not thinking “he can get it” …more along the lines oh he seems nice or he’s a jerk…his breathe stinks or he has nice teeth….he works _______ or he is trying to sleep with me …..I already know he is attractive now I am trying to figure out what he is about.

Most of the times when I even suggest I might “do” someone its a fantasy guy like LL Cool J or something and I really Dont mean it.

Lioness

August 28th, 2009
1:52 pm

Elijah- All is wonderful :)

Melo

August 28th, 2009
1:52 pm

Dream_n, did u say u are 24,thereabout??

Tazzee, u answered good..

Willie Dynamite

August 28th, 2009
1:53 pm

Chink – oh he seems nice or he’s a jerk…his breathe stinks or he has nice teeth….he works _______ or he is trying to sleep with me …..I already know he is attractive now I am trying to figure out what he is about.

Is that not figuring out potential????

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 28th, 2009
1:53 pm

Sybil – We know that game too.. Ya’ll try to space the Dongs out a day or two so you wont look like bad to yourself.. I got one for you.. That time we half hit you during sex was because we hit her right before we came over.

Chink

August 28th, 2009
1:55 pm

LOL Sometimes, I can’t have sex with you TOnight because I just had sex with him LAST night.

Toooo Funny

Dream_n

August 28th, 2009
1:56 pm

@Melo currently 23… by the years end i’ii be 24

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 28th, 2009
1:56 pm

Melo interesting questions 12:48…Don’t know. I just find physical relations the best when both of us arive at the decision together, freely and openly.

Regarding talking about sex, I have no problem talking about sex, or anything else with a lady. What I do not do, is talk about sex WITH ME. That happens when and if it happens…and I am telling you, usually it is the lady who decides first, or at least with me.

Have I turned it down…yup. I am not atalking aobut not because I did not want it, I am talking about thinking it was the wrong time in a relationship. Maybe that is why I have a hard time understanding this whole concept of pursuing the woman for sex…usually she pursues me first.

The Real Rell - so numb!

August 28th, 2009
1:57 pm

@sybil….yep your sooooooooooooooooooooo right…one guy gets the goods..and the other is good for painting your house, fixing things…etc etc

Chink

August 28th, 2009
1:57 pm

Willie ..Not potential to sleep with but you might get my number

Eiljah ( SexyCool Tell it like it is! )

August 28th, 2009
1:57 pm

Dream’n – Just because I gave it him doesn’t mean I don’t value it, it just means I wanted to fck too.

And for the record, I know I don’t have the only good-good in the world. Mine is not the answer to world peace or the end of the recession. It’s just the piece that I happen to carry around with me.

@SexyKOOL you are on top of your game! Consistent common sense stating in regards to the realites of relationship!

THREE WORDS….. SEXYCOOL GOODIES CAN SOLVE WORLD HUNGER! :wink:

Lioness

August 28th, 2009
1:57 pm