In Between Men
Ok, not literally between men. The title refers to the time when a single woman is not in an exclusive relationship but has a couple of suitors on deck who could definitely make a great candidate. I think for a lot of women this time can extend longer than expected or desired. Then she’s left with the dilemma: do I pursue casual hookups in the meantime or wait for Mr. Right (aka Mr. Right around the corner, Mr. Right for you, Mr. Right on TIME).
I don’t think this is an issue for men as much, is it? Do guys ever consider the idea of casual hooking up with one woman a deterrent to having a long-term relationship with another one? Is it necessary to do the meaningless booty calls and random hook ups if you actually want to build something with someone you feel connected to?
What do you do in the time that you are between relationships? Focus energy on finding the long term relationship that you actually desire or hit up the single people buffet until you get full?
What do you think is the best course of action if you really desire a long term relationship?
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501 comments Add your comment
For Real
August 28th, 2009
12:05 pm
Anon: I’m calling bs on your 11:46. Dating is suppose to be fun. If it isn’t then you are doing something wrong. You meet men at your job that you have come to know are you trying to marry them as well? So, does “dating for marriage” means it want be fun but it could work out sooooooo?
Chink: “I don’t think its a piece of paper its a VOW to your creator and everyone that you going for the long haul.” – So your VOW to your creator isn’t valid without the “paper”?
“Most guys focus on the money part of marriage not the love part when deciding if its worth it.” – Take away the “paper” and money ain’t a thang.
Chink
August 28th, 2009
12:07 pm
Women understand that getting a man down the aisle has consequences attached to it.. If you hurt me I can and will make you pay..
Let me guess with your MONEY right?
Eiljah ( Professor! What a woman??)
August 28th, 2009
12:10 pm
Good Afternoon Folks!
When I was younger I was always in-between women, I was constantly going out of one relationship into another. Now that I am older that no longer applies to my life, I now take time to reflex on my failing qualities of my past relationships and try to make improvements on what I need to do to substain a a healthy long term relationship.
Fellas, I will disagree with you that all guys want women just for sex! Their are quite a few men in the world whoe seek a wife because they is how they were raised and believe strongly in married!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 28th, 2009
12:11 pm
Hey DK absolutely. The dilemma is in the definition of “ultimately” (the first night, the first month, whatever). At the end of the day, if a woman is interesting enough to me, I want to know her completely in every sense…not just a piece of meat.
Dan
August 28th, 2009
12:15 pm
I’m over here laughing out loud right now.
So, to the guys that disagree about “dating for sex”, a question:
How long have you, or would you, date a woman that did no engage in sexual congress? How far would that relationship go? Would it lead to marriage, a lifelong friendship, what?
Dan now hearing For Real’s BS alarm sounding loudly in south GA…
NBF, an honest question
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
12:16 pm
Chink – I havent said anything about that today.. And yes I still stand on the facts that its not finacially sound to get married anymore.
Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)
August 28th, 2009
12:17 pm
I don’t think that most women necessarily date to get married but preparation is a good thing. Like the blogger yesterday that stuck with a boyfriend through hard times……..she has the makings ……..she understands that in commitment you gotta endure……….some folks don’t have a clue about what it takes to even be remotely committed………….even in friendship.
Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)
August 28th, 2009
12:18 pm
IDK – that what pre-nups are for!
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
12:19 pm
Chink – You cant knock me because I dont think marriage is for me.. I believe I would do better with a life partner. Not of the same sex of course but using that moodel..
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
12:23 pm
Singing – But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here
I don’t care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I’m not around
You’re so f-ing special
I wish I was special
The Real Rell - cashing in wolf tickets!
August 28th, 2009
12:24 pm
How long have you, or would you, date a woman that did no engage in sexual congress?
- 3days….period
How far would that relationship go?
-umm not far
Would it lead to marriage, a lifelong friendship, what?
- sure if i get what i want after 3days we can do whatever
and thats real talk
Kym
August 28th, 2009
12:25 pm
So Ellijah and Randy you two are willing to go blue-balls hanging..no sex?
Compelling
August 28th, 2009
12:25 pm
Dream_n – That is pure comedy, I was laughing constantly. HAHAHA!
@ Wings- Your 12:17 is on point.
SexyCool - Flowing slowly.
August 28th, 2009
12:26 pm
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Chink
August 28th, 2009
12:26 pm
Not knocking you…but it seems like the concern is your pockets…what about a prenup?
I just think marriage can be a beautiful thing and to paint it in such a negative fashion just doesnt seem right …we all make mistakes.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
12:26 pm
Wings – Prenups are ok but I just dont think marriage is for me. I know what I want. I want a long term committed relationship without marriage.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 28th, 2009
12:27 pm
Some random thoughts here.
To me, if a guy is just after sex, and the woman already thinks that, that totally empowers the woman. Someone told me many years ago that the women have all of the power, they have half of the money and 100% of the (you know what) which gives them the power. I know I am kind of weird, but I tell all of the women I get involved with (when the topic arises, and it always arises) that if and when “it” happens, it is entirely up to them. You would be amazed how free a woman can be if she thinks/believes/understands that she is driving. (For the record most ladies most ladies have no problem saying “I’d like to…” if you just give them the freedom
Am I saying that was my “goal” or “plan”, nope…just saying let the lady decide and the result is often remarkably quick and pleasant. Please a woman and shw will please you. It happens naturally (helps that I have made a major study of kissing techniques etc. though, lol).
Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)
August 28th, 2009
12:30 pm
IDK – However you define love and commitment as long as it works for you and your partner is all good! I simply say that to say I know some non Christan folks that treat other people better than those who profess……………..just walk it out ( I say that dancing).
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 28th, 2009
12:30 pm
@ Kym re “blue balls hanging”…see my 12:27 lol.
abc
August 28th, 2009
12:31 pm
Regarding marriage, the piece of paper is a matter of civil and legal law, and vows taken before God are a separate matter. The latter aspect of marriage is a covenant with God, not just vows you take as an agreement with your spouse.
Regarding dating without sex, I never met a woman who was willing to go without sex, much less a man who would be willing to do so. I’m not saying it’s right; but that’s my experience.
The Real Rell - cashing in wolf tickets!
August 28th, 2009
12:31 pm
@randy…3days player…or i am bouncing…lol
Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)
August 28th, 2009
12:32 pm
Thanks sexy!
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
12:32 pm
Chink – I dont knock marriage. I just dont want to do it for me. i applaud anyone who wants to get married and will tell them the truth about it.. Tell them some areas where I wasnt successful in my marriage and stress the need for counselling before they do jump the broom.
Again I see beautiful marriages and my friends are always trying to hook me up but they understand what I want these days. Believe it or not Im not the only person who feels this way. I met someone recently who feels exactly like i do.. Its not that odd.
Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)
August 28th, 2009
12:34 pm
@ Sexy – I need to spend a day at the spa………….I’m so in need of some body work! lol
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
12:35 pm
Randy – No dude is out there soliciting I hope.. I hope they have more tact than that.. Im just speaking to the basics.. the end of the road.. A dude wants these key pieces of life.. Food, Sex, peace and comfort. Not necessarily in that order..
Dream_n
August 28th, 2009
12:38 pm
I thik we can all agree to disagree…Ultimately “at the end of the day” (lol i hate that saying but it fits so perfectly) anywho.. WE ALL WANT SOMEONE WE CAN SPEND OUR LIVES WITH, GROW WITH, MATURE WITH, SPEND TIME WITH, AND ALL THOSE OTHER THINGS THAT MAKE US FEEL WARM AND BUBBBLY INSIDE. (with the exception of The Real Rell lol.. “cust from a diff cloth I guess ) IF WE HAVE THE PAPER OR NOT WE LOVE TO BE LOVED AND NOTHING IS WRONG WITH THAT!!!
Chink
August 28th, 2009
12:38 pm
Dk You started it with this
If it were up to men we would never get married.. Whats the use? ….
But I digress I don’t think its odd how you feel …
Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)
August 28th, 2009
12:39 pm
@Rell – is that 3 days or 3 dates?
Tazzee
August 28th, 2009
12:39 pm
Afternoon folks!
Lovely rainy day – I hope it’s raining like this until around noon tomorrow.
Nothing to add to this discussion…
Chink
August 28th, 2009
12:40 pm
I Agree to Disagree …but I like Randy’s style shows confidence.
Dan
August 28th, 2009
12:42 pm
@Randy
I’m not saying that goal (as in the only reason that I am dating someone) is sex. I’m with you on “if it happens, it happens”. I’m also in the “no means no”, “that’s how they got Tyson and Pac”, and “I don’t take anything that is not offered” camps.
My point is that no male or female is spending time with another person without a motive.
I’m just a lot more upfront about mine being sex. I don’t shy away from it because I believe in informed consent. Hence: “I’m not in this to be just your friend, and if that is your goal, I’m out.”
All else is (IMO) lying to yourself, her, or both.
Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)
August 28th, 2009
12:43 pm
@Chink – I agree……The whole dating thing has changed so much that men and women are looking at forever after differently…………..just like date out of your race,culture or age group…………….folks are continuing to expand the boundaries of love………….
Dan
August 28th, 2009
12:43 pm
@Rell
3 days? For real homie, only 3 days?
Git it how you feel it
Kym
August 28th, 2009
12:47 pm
@Randy you maybe a Scorpio (master manipulators) but I am a Cancer(born with built-in BS monitors) and if that woman decides not to..you are going to tell me that you are not going to provide some pressure to make her change her mind? BS ALERT BS Alert!!!!!******WARNING*****
Chink
August 28th, 2009
12:48 pm
folks are continuing to expand the boundaries of love TRUE!
Melo
August 28th, 2009
12:48 pm
Am I saying that was my “goal” or “plan”, nope.
how can it “not be ur goal” RandyT, if thats what u do,knowing it will lead to that goal? Have u declined, even tho u knew the woman was empowered?
If u changed tactics,wld the relationships be more meaningful,knowing that nobody has been compromised in that area.(im just asking)
I hope it’s raining like this until around noon
tomorrow
Me too altho i know, that may cause collateral damage elsewhere.
U holding on strong Tazzee??
M'
August 28th, 2009
12:48 pm
Well, I got the gig that I interviewed for…a small step to a bigger plan…oh yeah!!!!
Kym
August 28th, 2009
12:49 pm
My point is that no male or female is spending time with another person without a motive.<<<This is FACT.
Dream_n
August 28th, 2009
12:51 pm
off topic: Tomorrow is MJ’s B-day… think i’m going to bring out the CD’s again
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
12:52 pm
Chink – The craziest part is Im being honest without a filter of what people on the blog will think. Thats how I always approach it. Some days I might be inline with the topics and somedays Im not.. I dance to my own drum and this dance will continue without marriage, but unconditional love for some babe that can grasp what im trying to do.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
12:53 pm
Chink – I still think youre swell though..
Dan
August 28th, 2009
12:53 pm
Congrats to you M’ (apostrophe)
Swiss if you’re out thurr, congrat’s to you too!
Congrats to Tazzee (and yes, I’mma say it every time I feel like it)
Melo
August 28th, 2009
12:56 pm
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Melo
August 28th, 2009
12:57 pm
M’,congrats!
Chink
August 28th, 2009
12:58 pm
DK – I have my moments also ..its all to the good! Just practicing on my debate with my SO who is a divorcee…lol
Eiljah ( Kym I want you and I will wait go past 3 dates!)
August 28th, 2009
1:05 pm
@Kym regarding your 12:28 post, I was really speaking for some of the young men I have met who have only been intimate with their wives! Their conviction, determination and a stronge belief in principles have allow many men in the world to seek just a married relationship.
I have seldom initiated a conversation about sex when I met a young lady! On many occassions I did not even bring up the topic of sex when I have been conversing with a young lady! Some of the ladies are very curious as too why I have not touch on the sex topic! So they will bring up the subject and when that happens I am going to pounce on you like a lion chasing a buffalo!
Dream_n
August 28th, 2009
1:09 pm
@ Eiljah :Some of the ladies are very curious as too why I have not touch on the sex topic! So they will bring up the subject and when that happens I am going to pounce on you like a lion chasing a buffalo!
I almost spit up my soda lol
Grace
August 28th, 2009
1:10 pm
For Real I have dated for fun, nowadays I’m taking a different approach to it, only serious like minded mature adult male wanted. When I dated for fun I knew he wasn’t marriage material, marriage wasn’t even in the mix of it at all, long gone are those days, I can happily say.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
1:13 pm
Chink – Nah you better stay away from marriage conversations.. because if its one thing a divorcee knows is when the time is right for them to get married.. If you put any extra on it.. He will be in the wind.
The Real Rell - cashing in wolf tickets!
August 28th, 2009
1:14 pm
Rell – is that 3 days or 3 dates?
- what ever comes first
mayne some of these women out here only want the attention….they really not trying to do anything…they buy into this bs concept that waiting it going to make me respect or cherish her more…not even…i can play the game with the best of em….but i have learn that those that “wait” sex game is lame..period…so by waiting i learn to value her more or see her other strong points…lol….fairy tale bs…somedays i am in the mood to act…other days it likes “get on your knees”….women know from hello if you going to be sleeping with her or holding her shopping bags on one of your “girlfriend” trips with her….plus some of these women have been part of the “make a wish foundation” so long that they dont even aknowledge that lil slut gene in them anymore…
i have the unfortunate luck of meeting women after they have got the “slut” out of em…like they meet me and want to build a relationship or take there time – nope..give me what you gave the last brother…lol