In Between Men
Ok, not literally between men. The title refers to the time when a single woman is not in an exclusive relationship but has a couple of suitors on deck who could definitely make a great candidate. I think for a lot of women this time can extend longer than expected or desired. Then she’s left with the dilemma: do I pursue casual hookups in the meantime or wait for Mr. Right (aka Mr. Right around the corner, Mr. Right for you, Mr. Right on TIME).
I don’t think this is an issue for men as much, is it? Do guys ever consider the idea of casual hooking up with one woman a deterrent to having a long-term relationship with another one? Is it necessary to do the meaningless booty calls and random hook ups if you actually want to build something with someone you feel connected to?
What do you do in the time that you are between relationships? Focus energy on finding the long term relationship that you actually desire or hit up the single people buffet until you get full?
What do you think is the best course of action if you really desire a long term relationship?
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501 comments Add your comment
Chink
August 28th, 2009
11:13 am
For Real ..whats wrong with standards? Shoot not everyone is good in bed.
Dream_n
August 28th, 2009
11:14 am
@ SC– so true.. love the statement..
Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)
August 28th, 2009
11:14 am
@ Melo – How you arrive at your choice is totally up to you…………. I say at some point you should choose and it it should not necessarily be based on weather or not she gave it up!
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
11:15 am
Sexy – Well can I be between you.. I mean between with you.. Oh h3ll.. None of that sounds right..
MR. Unknown
August 28th, 2009
11:15 am
Good morning,,, Draft day Saturday and Sunday,,, football season is here!!!
Topic: I hate to hear, Im dating to get married right off the bat… What is that??!?.. Starting the relationship with negative vibes… Causal is always fun…
MR. Unknown
August 28th, 2009
11:16 am
Mock draft, had a bad mock draft… terrible!!
Chink
August 28th, 2009
11:17 am
LOL Mr Unknown some men date to get married too. I guess you wouldnt be compatible with said person.
Dan
August 28th, 2009
11:18 am
@Melo
I know few (like 1 admitted virgin) thus, everyone that I “chomp” from the time I started til I get married is by definition “not the one”, so no delineation is required.
The one I marry is the one that fits what I want in a mate. While there have been others, to be sure, none really crossed the finish line.
Melo
August 28th, 2009
11:26 am
totally up to you=subjective, i agree and said that
it should not necessarily be based on weather or not she gave it up!=i dont necessarily disagree nor agree altho how often she chops it up comes in the equation of most men.
none really crossed the finish line=becoz of ur subective rationale,so we dont disagree=u choose based on ur subjective reasoning.
Grace
August 28th, 2009
11:27 am
When the doubts come, see them, feel them, laugh at them and let them go. You can do it and you know it.
Just a little positive action will get your confidence starting to roll. Go ahead and take that first small step.
A successful attitude is as close as your next thought. Imagine in detail what success means to you right now, and just as suddenly, you are on your way.
Smile at each challenge, because you see its value. Know that every setback makes the achievement more solidly yours.
Circumstances work in your favor when you think and work in your favor. Events unfold to support and fulfill your most sincere and intense expectations.
Whatever happens is another step in the right direction. For you will find a way to make it so.
Recognize A Real Woman
August 28th, 2009
11:27 am
Please ladies and gentlemen, don’t get me wrong on this, but…….
Isn’t all this sleeping around the main cause of the widespread STD epidemic in America? I’m just a firm believer of dating only one person at a time. Maybe I’m too old fashioned, but I also care about my body, self-esteem and reputation. I simply refuse to have a sexual relationship with two or more men at once. I just don’t do “casual hook-ups” as most of you call them. If I am like a guy, he knows that I like him and we discuss becoming more serious or he moves the heck over for the next guy to have a chance and the process starts over. I don’t sleep with a guy until I have know him at least 90 days. In those 90 days we discuss many things.
My advice to daters: Please gather some dignity and stop playing chicken with your lives and bodies.
Dan
August 28th, 2009
11:33 am
@melo
That’s a false analogy at best. Of course my standards are subjective, no woman fits into a “standard” or “objective” standard. What is it that you’re asking?
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
11:33 am
Chink – Men Dont date to get married they date to get sex.. Mariiage is a byproduct of said sexcapades.. Unless of course she’s Oprah, then we’re trying to marry, impregnate and everything else right away..
anonymousella
August 28th, 2009
11:34 am
when i am in between men, i spend copious amounts of time doing whatever i want. i don’t date because the process bores me. so instead i read, paint, go to plays, have dinner with friends and travel.
i always figured i would never have a ‘forever’ type of life anyway. i never thought i would get married. i assumed instead that i would have several long-term, non-marital relationships with lots of single-time in between. so i am quite comfortable ‘doing me’ when i am not, uh, doing someone else. would rather have fun by myself than be bored by someone else.
Google Dating Online » In Between Men | Misadventures in Atlanta
August 28th, 2009
11:34 am
[...] from: In Between Men | Misadventures in Atlanta This entry is filed under Long Term Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry [...]
SexyCool - Flowing slowly.
August 28th, 2009
11:36 am
“I’m dating to get married.”
Everyone that you meet or date is not going to be a match or marriage material for you.
Why not take a date or five to get to know something about this person to even determine if he is a fit for you? Because, it could be that after you’ve been around this person a few times, you may discover that he is not The One and that you need to push on.
And pull back on some of all that emotion, going ALL IN, immediately. It’s not healthy. This is not a race. There is no hurry.
Dream_n
August 28th, 2009
11:36 am
@ THE INFAMOUS DK : Men Dont date to get married they date to get sex.. ?????????? I hope you’re joking….
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
11:36 am
Ella – Good one.. I feel the same way..
Kym
August 28th, 2009
11:36 am
Good Mid-Morning All,
I agree with For Real, in other countries there are not this many hangups you date until there is a meeting of the minds..Done.
Off-Topic If you live in Cobb, Clayton,Henry or Fayette Counties…you can’t drive. It is something about folks with those tags…drives me nuts.
For Real
August 28th, 2009
11:37 am
DK: “Its just not rocket science for men…Women are emotional creatures even when they try and act like they got a pair..” – It’s not rocket science period. Women use “emotional creatures” as an excuse. It’s kinda like when dudes say I’ll die if I don’t get none. All I’m saying is if they can control their emotions to keep and succeed at their jobs, why can’t they control their emotions in the personal life. Hell it would save them 99 problems.
Chink: “For Real ..whats wrong with standards? Shoot not everyone is good in bed.” – Huh, are you saying you are not good in bed and you needs some Zipppppppppppppp in-scrut-shuns?
Grace
August 28th, 2009
11:39 am
Correction DK there are men who date for marriage. Funny, when I was dating for fun, I ran across a couple of men who stated that they date for marraige, maybe old fashion but……it does make sense, maybe they were at the point in their lives when just getting sex wasn’t the big equation.
Melo
August 28th, 2009
11:39 am
Dan, im not asking u anything.
Iam just clarifying on what u seemed to dispute.One man’s meat is another’s poison, it dont make that “poison”, poison for everybody.Its all subjecvtive.
I just feel smebody took my statements personally.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
11:40 am
Dream – Im not.. If it were up to men we would never get married.. Whats the use? If we could just live with you, have kids and just be… That would be perfectly fine with us.. The thing is dudes dont need a piece of paper to show how much they love you.. If they love you no matter what no paper says they will die trying to make it right for you.
Dan
August 28th, 2009
11:42 am
@Dream_n
He is not.
The immediate focus of dating for men is sex.
@For Real
Attempting to apply logic to (somma) these ladies is a futile endeavour, like looking for a four-leaf clover my dude.
For Real
August 28th, 2009
11:42 am
“I ran across a couple of men who stated that they date for marraige”
For Real now putting his newly issued MLB decoder ring up against that statement. Translation…..
Saying those words to a chick will get you the draws quicker than saying I can suck a golf ball thru a 42′ waterhose.
Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)
August 28th, 2009
11:43 am
@Kym – I live in Cobb and Imma gooooood driver! lol
Chink
August 28th, 2009
11:45 am
For Real – Nope just dont agree with your free sx philosophy. There have to be some guidlines in choosing a partner.
DK ..I don’t agree some people (men and women) know what they want and they can use their smart head (the one above their shoulders) to come to that conclusion.
SexyCool - Flowing slowly.
August 28th, 2009
11:45 am
Dream’n – I agree with DK. In their ideal situation, men date to get sex until one of two things happen.
1. They decide that they are ready for marriage and began to date more seriously.
2. Someone that they are dating casually MAKES them want to be married to HER.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 28th, 2009
11:45 am
I dont casually date…I can “entertain” myself (dancing, drinking, sightseeing etc., sporting events, see a movie, go to a restaurant, etc.). Dating to be dating is expensive, time consuming, and usually a lousy return on the money/time invested. I only go out with someone to evaluate whether I would want that person to be friend/lover/potential spouse first, to have a good time with while still exploring long term possibilities, second. But to date just to date…not me. That is why I am ususally gone after the first or second date…either I punt or the lady does.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
11:45 am
Grace – Lies Lies Lies I tell you.. Those were prolly dudes that were married and screwed it up sooo bad they want to get married agin to get it right..
anonymousella
August 28th, 2009
11:46 am
@sexycool dating to get to know someone IS “dating for marriage.” dating for fun means you’re dating someone you know won’t work out.
“dating for marriage” means you’re dating men who have met the minimum standards for ‘good husband’ and could work out.
Kym
August 28th, 2009
11:47 am
LMAO @ For Real…one of my best buddies confirmed that. “Men like sex, we do it for sex..we say what we have to say to get sex, because if we said upfront Hey would you like to have sex women wouldn’t respond.”
Grace
August 28th, 2009
11:47 am
LOL DK
For Real
August 28th, 2009
11:47 am
“Attempting to apply logic to (somma) these ladies is a futile endeavour, like looking for a four-leaf clover my dude.” – I feel you but my bs meter forces me to call bs when I see it.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
August 28th, 2009
11:47 am
For Real – LMAO! I ran across dudes that said the same thing Grace mentioned and my take was ‘that means you are dating quite a few women’….cool. Do you playa…I can choose to be involved or not.
SCool – “Everyone that you meet or date is not going to be a match or marriage material for you.” ^5
Grace
August 28th, 2009
11:49 am
5^ anonymousella
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
11:50 am
Ladies weve talked about it before.. Men dont date to get married.. It a light bulb moment that happens and we say dang I really like this chick… and 17,000 light bulb moments later we think we can marry her..
Chink
August 28th, 2009
11:51 am
The thing is dudes dont need a piece of paper to show how much they love you.. If they love you no matter what no paper says they will die trying to make it right for you.
Spoken like a true Divorcee!
I don’t think its a piece of paper its a VOW to your creator and everyone that you going for the long haul. And you know what its ok to make a mistake and the plan didnt work out ..you can always try again. Most guys focus on the money part of marriage not the love part when deciding if its worth it.
Dream_n
August 28th, 2009
11:51 am
@THE INFAMOUS DK
Now that statement I agree with… I don’t think the piece of paper defines the marriage… I think I’m like my dad… I don’t think I’ll get married…. The whole “wedding” isn’t something I’ve dreamed of as a smaill girl lol…I think its perfectly “normal and okay” to be with someone for 15 -20 yrs and not be married… It’s the relationship the connection the love, not the paper.
Attempting to apply logic to (somma) these ladies is a futile endeavour, like looking for a four-leaf clover my dude.
Your “logic” may not be someone else’s logic.. and I don’t even think its logic…it’s all opinions….
Chink
August 28th, 2009
11:54 am
anonymousella I like that 11:46.
SexyCool - Flowing slowly.
August 28th, 2009
11:54 am
Anon – “dating for marriage” means you’re dating men who have met the minimum standards for ‘good husband’ and could work out.
But…how do you know all that if you JUST MET this person?
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 28th, 2009
11:55 am
@ DK, Dan, Grace, Dream n… I don’t date for marriage OR sex. Both, to me at least, can or will happen naturally, why try to make either happen? I date to find someone I want to spend time with, to talk to and yes, be lovers with. There was a period after my divorce where I might have subconsciously tried to make up for the dry years at the end of my marriage, but other than that, not sexually driven.
Why pursue it, to me at least, it happens naturally any way. As I have said before, in the ATL sex is easy, love is a little harder (requires a pulse), and friendship is the hardest of all.
For Real
August 28th, 2009
11:55 am
“For Real – Nope just dont agree with your free sx philosophy. There have to be some guidlines in choosing a partner.” – Not sure I understand what you mean by “Free sex” but there should be standard in everything you do especially sex.
Kym: Women do the same thing. I bet Grace does mention the fact she is dating to get married on the first date either. It just ain’t that deep for men. WE LIKE SEX, WE WANT TO HAVE SEX YOU, WE LIKE FOOD, WE WANT TO EAT FOOD, WE LIKE BEER, WE WANT TO DRINK BEER, WE LIKE SPORT, WE WANT TO WATCH SPORTS, WE LIKE QUIET, WE CAN’T GET IT FROM YOU!!!
Compelling
August 28th, 2009
11:59 am
WE LIKE QUIET, WE CAN’T GET IT FROM YOU!!!
LOL @ For Real. That reminds me of Chris Rock’s stand up about how a man wants to just come home to peace and quiet but a woman starts talkin as soon as he gets in the door. HAHA. I haven’t seen a good stand-up routine in a while.
Dream_n
August 28th, 2009
11:59 am
I don’t think its a piece of paper its a VOW to your creator and everyone that you going for the long haul.
I halfway agree with this lol… I think its amazing for a man to want to marry.. spend the rest of his life with you, confess this to GOD, friends, family,and associates in a formal way…..but do I think its an absolute necessity.. no. I could very well be happy being with my “soul mate”forever and not marry him. I can still confess my love and undenying commitment to him without the marriage.. idk just my opinion. (maybe i’ll feel different in a couple years)
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
11:59 am
Chink – don’t think its a piece of paper its a VOW to your creator and everyone that you going for the long haul. And you know what its ok to make a mistake and the plan didnt work out ..you can always try again. Most guys focus on the money part of marriage not the love part when deciding if its worth it.
Spoken like a chick whos never been married..
Now why cant my making a vow to you be enough.. Because its simple.. Women understand that getting a man down the aisle has consequences attached to it.. If you hurt me I can and will make you pay..
Melo
August 28th, 2009
11:59 am
“I ran across a couple of men who stated that they date for marraige”
a church chic meets a church dude.
thats the scenario i see that working or old fashioned.
(play cards with ur cards exposed)
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 28th, 2009
12:02 pm
Randy – I agree its gonna happen naturally but at the end of the day if we are taking women out and getting to know them. we ultimately want to know them intimately.
Chink
August 28th, 2009
12:02 pm
I think some people define dating differently.
In the dictionary – An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.
A date refers to an activity two people share together with the intention of getting to know each other better on a potentially romantic level. This differs greatly from ‘hooking up’ which usually describes a casual get together between two people that may or may not be sexual in nature. Two people who are “dating” therefore, have shared several dates together and have made it clear to one another they are interested in more than just a friendship – even if so far the exchanges have been purely friendly in nature. Dating is, essentially, getting to know someone over an extended period of time to determine if a relationship is something worth pursuing.
Dream_n
August 28th, 2009
12:03 pm
@ Compelling “WHERE’S MY BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN” LOL
@ Melo– (play cards with ur cards exposed) I love that