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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

In Between Men

Ok, not literally between men.  The title refers to the time when a single woman is not in an exclusive relationship but has a couple of suitors on deck who could definitely make a great candidate. I think for a lot of women this time can extend longer than expected or desired. Then she’s left with the dilemma: do I pursue casual hookups in the meantime or wait for Mr. Right (aka Mr. Right around the corner, Mr. Right for you, Mr. Right on TIME).

I don’t think this is an issue for men as much, is it? Do guys ever consider the idea of casual hooking up with one woman a deterrent to having a long-term relationship with another one? Is it necessary to do the meaningless booty calls and random hook ups if you actually want to build something with someone you feel connected to?

What do you do in the time that you are between relationships? Focus energy on finding the long term relationship that you actually desire or hit up the single people buffet until you get full?

What do you think is the best course of action if you really desire a long term relationship?

501 comments Add your comment

QC

August 28th, 2009
8:29 am

Morning everyone! Did’nt Mike Vick look good last night YES :) Hope you all have a great day in spite of the rain (which we really need) Have a great weekend also :)

http://www.blackthen com SMOOCHES ;)

Raqi...What's a sleep number?

August 28th, 2009
8:40 am

I remember when I was between men. I liked one but there was just something extra special about the other that I loved. I just went along with it until it took the course it needed to take in me choosing the one I really wanted to be with. But you know what I am soooo sleepy right now. I want to talk about that time span but I am just sleepy. And this rain is not helping at all.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 28th, 2009
8:47 am

Good Morning WD, Bloggers

“What do you do in the time that you are between relationships? Focus energy on finding the long term relationship that you actually desire or hit up the single people buffet until you get full?”

Personally I am ONLY looking for a meaningful relationship. Unfortunately therein lies the rub, how can you tell the difference quickly enough to get out before someone gets hurt. I’m in that dilemma right now. One lady likes me a lot (beats me why), very nice, attractive, attentive…but I am unsure that I feel an inclination to take it deeper. Another lady I really want to pursue which frankly is not my style (okay the woman from the other day that had me in a funk did call the next day and is interested…I just have to rein in my own emotions and not get carried away, translate STUPID, in the heat of the moment again).

As shallow as it sounds, I don’t want to let go of the first until I have the second firmly in hand. Now excuse me why I go into the mens room, look at myself in the mirror, and tell myself what an azz I am being.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 28th, 2009
8:50 am

Off topic, I left really early this morning and the really bad ATL drivers STILL got out early enough to clog up the roads. It is a game here in the ATL to try to figure out which route the dummies did not take…and I guessed wrong again. Man they were banging into each other all over the place.

Grace

August 28th, 2009
9:11 am

I’m not looking to be a lover or a fling, I’m only looking for long term relationship that will lead to marriage, in other words I date to marry, I no longer date for fun. Between time I focus on me, building my spiritual side, fine tuning my attitude and such. Not living so much in the past but remembering events that will help me to not make the same mistakes.

Good rainy morning!

Chink

August 28th, 2009
9:23 am

In between time I usually just have a couple of male friends (no booty) …until the one I really like shows up. I usually get into long term relationships.

Melo

August 28th, 2009
9:33 am

Personally I am ONLY looking for a meaningful relationship. Unfortunately

eeehh,eehh,my mayne…if i were u,i wld just keep banging them untill it really hits u in the head(dawns on u) that u need to settle down!

I dont think u there yet,given all the nice and beautiful women u say u meet.If u still got hangups, u cant lie to urself nor force issues to settle down.
When the right one comes,u will know and u will harness ur energy towards her ONLY.

OFF TOPIC:
Mayne,its raining cows,donkeys and horses out there.

Congtatulations SWISS,for UR DAY TOMORROW!!

Wish u Many more Buddy…and WELCOME TO THE HARNESS!
ON topic AGAIN:

What do you do in the time that you are between relationships?

Most grown men will tap around untill they find the right one or settle when the right one comes along by destiny.In the meantime, u got feed that raging animal just to keep it in check…hunger aint a good thing,in fact,it can be cause for destructive aggression.Now this may seem to contradict what i said yesterday but it dont,cause that message of abstinance was for ladies.

Guys always feed and prey on the willing and non-abstainers,but cherish and value the tight legged ones! :lol:

Morning folks!

Dream_n

August 28th, 2009
9:37 am

@ Randy T
I don’t think there’s a problem with you having both women “unless” they both bellieve you are exclusive with them… then that’s a problem…. Can’t really talk about this subject lol… Last time I was inbetween relationshios I was 16 or 17 and that didn’t really count “puppy love”. I think if a woman is genuinely not looking for a long -term realtionship at the time, then hey have your friends or guys you see…. But if you’re looking to get into a meaningful relationship I don’t think having guys on deck is a wise decision.. too many emotions get involved and you end up getting confused as to who to be with or should you leave them all and pursue someting new…. which can get emotionally draining……

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 28th, 2009
9:58 am

Hey Melo and Dream n …probably right. I just tend to feel very uncomfortable in multiple relationships. I date a lot (made up for lost time during marriage with a vengeance) but I almost always have been one at a time, short duration (once or twice out then either I don’t call back or they get smart and don’t answer). It would not be a problem if most of the wome I dated were biotches, but they aren’t…I screen well before I ever go out.

Oh well. New manager I think just screwed me over. May be time to go to upper management and ask to be transferred into another group. I hate getting comfortable with a chain of command and then get some new hotshot above me who wants to make his mark.

Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)

August 28th, 2009
10:06 am

Good Morning and Happy Friday All:

What a long week!

If I am committed, I refuse to be in between men……..
If I am dating that’s a little different, dating does not equal a relationship or booty call…………..
I don’t consider not being in a relationship as a mean time, it’s my life and time to re position myself and get and focus on the the other parts of my life that matter…….fellowship,work, family,friends, my dream, reading, writing………I could go on and on…………….My desire is to continue to give myself the good energy that I would give my SO.

Best course of Action: Do you…… “He who Findeth A Wife, Findeth A Good Thing……….Just work on being Ms. Good Thing!

Off Topic
Noche……Has the best Tapis in town!

SexyCool - Flowing slowly.

August 28th, 2009
10:10 am

Three Words Daily – Let it be.

Compelling

August 28th, 2009
10:10 am

Good Morning All!

I’m so happy it’s Friday and I’m in a wonderful mood! :-)

In between relationships I casually date but I tend to reflect a lot more and focus on improving self. I think you need a healthy space between relationships so that you can purge all the negative. Being emotionally ready to handle a new relationship is very important, so give yourself the time to breathe. Casually dating others during the “off season” is not a bad thing though, but I made it clear to the other person that we were just dating and that long-term was not my main goal at the time. It worked just fine.

Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)

August 28th, 2009
10:16 am

@Dream – The real question is where is the threshold between being single and breaking off dating with others………..to become exclusive? Because if you’ve been dating, you gotta let them other folks know………….a lot of people keep one foot in the dating pool although they have SO they are trying to get to know…………..drama!

SexyCool - Flowing slowly.

August 28th, 2009
10:16 am

I date casually between the end of one commitment and the beginning of another. However, I usually find that there seems to be a natural gravitation towards one person over the others.

Random hookups and booty calls can distract from long-term goals, but that doesn’t stop them from happening.

Dream_n

August 28th, 2009
10:20 am

@ compelling : I agree.. that in between time can give you the much needed break to reevaluate alot of things. SOme people tend to loose themselves in the relationship and once it’s over don’t really know who they are(those people really annoy me lol)

@ Randyt Do you want to be in a relationship or do you enjoy casual dating more (I’m confused)

Grace

August 28th, 2009
10:21 am

But if you’re looking to get into a meaningful relationship I don’t think having guys on deck is a wise decision.. too many emotions get involved and you end up getting confused as to who to be with or should you leave them all and pursue someting new…. which can get emotionally draining……- Dream_n good point!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 28th, 2009
10:26 am

No Men dont get caught up in all the hook up legal mumbo jumbo.. We usually date until we find one that shines truer than the others and shes it. Its that simple. Caveman sensibilities.. Me Like you You like Me, I club you real good one evening and hey bingo blammo bango.. Youre the girl.. Now its cutting the loose ends where it gets complicated..

Dream_n

August 28th, 2009
10:26 am

@ wings
So true… “leading people on” comes to mind when I think of that scenario…. but unless you’ve both agreed upon seeing other people at the same time then my option would be to be “honest”.
I think “some” women when they tend to meet someone they are really attracted to (physical and mental) wer kinda give up the side guys or pay less attention to them…. but “most” men feel the need to hang on to their options just in case it doesn’t work… I’ll be darned if I’m a man’s just in case…..lol

SexyCool - Flowing slowly.

August 28th, 2009
10:28 am

DK – “Now, its cutting the loose ends where it gets complicated.”

Co-sign.

Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)

August 28th, 2009
10:31 am

@Melo – Realistically, I don’t think that because a woman necessarily makes the choice to give herself to a man that she has found and incredible connection with should be judged negatively by him…………. he was just as culpable as she was………….we all know that once you have been to the land of milk and honey that is hard not to go back!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 28th, 2009
10:37 am

Dream – Oh its so refreshing to see a babe unjaded yet.. Confusing emotionally.. Please these old pros can juggle dudes like dudes juggle babes.. Hopefully you dont get there..

Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)

August 28th, 2009
10:39 am

Ja Rue and Mary J Rainy Days
Smile
[Mary]
It’s just those rainy days
Spend a lifetime tryin’ to wash away
Until the sun comes out and shines again
Smile for me, smile for me

[Ja]
All of Those rainy days
Spend your lifetime tryin’ to wash away
Til the sun shines and I see your face
Smile at me, smile at me

[Mary]
We were always living so crazy and sexy and cool
And we begin to love it (begin to love it)
Watchin all of the heartache and pain of the world
And thinkin nothin of it ( thinkin nothin of it)
Baby I got a love for you
And I know that you got me, baby (got me baby)
But every time the sun shines bright
It get so cloudy yeaaa
Chorus
Sometimes the Rule don’t mind the rain
It kinda feels like I’m drownin in the Lords pain
Until the sun comes out and shines again
Smile, give me reason to smile

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 28th, 2009
10:42 am

Happy Rainy Friday ya’ll! Wish I could be home enjoying this…..

SCool – co-signing that 10:16

East Point's Own

August 28th, 2009
10:43 am

When I am between relationships I live life… and do whatever the heck (LoL) I want to do… when and how I want to do it… by myself.

Dan

August 28th, 2009
10:44 am

@Melo

There is a place for the “tight legged one”, but she doesn’t rate more prominent than any other. Whether she’s active or inactive, it’s more about the connection and wanted to investigate or develop it. For guys (disclaimer: only speaking on myself and my crew(s)) the sex is the least of the determining factors for building a relationship.

Won’t say that it [good sex] hurts, but it [great sex] helps as a selling point.

I think DK hit the mark (pause). A guy may “see” any number of women at one time, but until the he’s “feeling” emerges, all else is fun and games.

tramell powell

August 28th, 2009
10:45 am

Men datein gmen is not a big deal to me, my only concern is when men are dateing men,they wanna keep it on the low, to me thats gross no female that i know wants to have sex or even date a man thats messing around with another man. so to all the gay guys out there cut that downlow stuff out,because if you are man enough to sleep with another man you should be man enough to be open with it.

Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)

August 28th, 2009
10:45 am

IDK – Have you been juggled?

i love men

August 28th, 2009
10:47 am

Enter your comments here

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 28th, 2009
10:48 am

Tramell – Reading is fundamental.. Read the blog entry not just the name.. Oh and welcome to the blog by the way..

i love men

August 28th, 2009
10:48 am

this is to Tramell…shut up YOU KNOW NOTHING, AND IM PROBABLY SLEEPING WITH YOUR MAN RIGHT NOW….

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 28th, 2009
10:50 am

Wings – Everybody has been juggled.. Everytime a woman tells you shes dating shes juggling.. As long as you see it for what it is there arent any hard feelings..

Chink

August 28th, 2009
10:50 am

Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)

August 28th, 2009
10:54 am

ILM – Although she is way off topic………….she has a point………it’s a real equation in the dating pool and in the choices that folks make………….no harm, no foul………just a point of view.

Chink

August 28th, 2009
10:56 am

Funny how they always claim to be sleeping with your man I doubt it…just a insecurity tactic

Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)

August 28th, 2009
11:00 am

IDK – So why is dating considered to be juggling and jaded?………I actually think it helps a person know what they want and don’t want in someone……….and you are right we’ve all been juggled.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 28th, 2009
11:01 am

Wings – Thats why I love Atlanta.. A 100% Mayne with no artificial flavors or perservatives gets love out here… These dudes that have inhaled fumes, oxidizing agents and toxins got it twisted out here..

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 28th, 2009
11:03 am

Wings – I didnt say dating is Jaded.. I say after you get a certain age juggling occurs.. After a chick has been burned enough she’ll start juggling.. You know the good girl gone bad scenario.. Dream-n aint went bad yet..

Come on now in your 30’s you know what you want and exactly what youre looking for.. Everything else is called collateral damage. Or Incidentals.

Wise Diva

August 28th, 2009
11:04 am

Happy Friday everyone. I didn’t expect that kind of spin on the topic, but hey, stranger things have come from other topics before, LOL so welcome Tramell!

Dream_n

August 28th, 2009
11:05 am

Reading is fundamental.. Read the blog entry not just the name.. Oh and welcome to the blog by the way..
LOL!!! also….. things can be “emotionally confusing” unles the person has no attachment to the other person and it’s just…. dare I sa …SEX. but i honestly belive that if you are dating more that none person and there is an attraction beyond “physical” then it can become draining… IMO…..

Chink

August 28th, 2009
11:05 am

Everything else is called collateral damage…tell me about it!

Wise Diva

August 28th, 2009
11:05 am

oh Good Girl gone Bad, goodness I’ve had to go through that before, it’s just a stage though.

Dream_n

August 28th, 2009
11:06 am

sorry guys… i’m typing very fast.. trying not to let the boss lady catch me lol….. i think she’s on to me

Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)

August 28th, 2009
11:08 am

IDK – True women in Atlanta really do appreciate the men that keep it 100!

Chink

August 28th, 2009
11:09 am

Dream I understand I would get worn out…never tried either. There are those who can pull it off …but I just don’t have the time or the patience.

For Real

August 28th, 2009
11:10 am

Why do women make everything so freakin hard? If you are not in a relationship you date until you are in one. Why all the extra pontification about time and emotions. This is the only country in the world that has soooo many hang-ups about sex. If you like sex then do it. At a certain age your emotions shouldn’t rule you. If they do, do ole boy a favor and just keep it moving. I mean it just ain’t that hard.

Grace: do you tell the dudes you date that you are dating to get married. If so, how soon do you tell them. If not, why?

Melo

August 28th, 2009
11:11 am

Whether she’s active or inactive, it’s more about the connection and wanted to investigate or develop it

Dan/Wings, i think u are circling the wagons!!

rating above or below is a subjective thing(urs),it happens whether the deed/foul is between 2 agreeable parties or not.
If u chomp one but dont marry her and u go chomp another but marry her becoz of the “connection” u have with her, u rated the second one “more marriageable” based on ur subjective rule.
If they are all the same(in ur eyes) so why choose one over the other??

Wings () (Loving the Reign and Rain)

August 28th, 2009
11:12 am

WD – If you are lucky it’s a stage if not, it’s your permanent address! lol I say that to say hopefully you make wiser choices instead of juggling.

SexyCool - Flowing slowly.

August 28th, 2009
11:13 am

Oh…And another thing, I no longer think of myself as living life “between relationships” or whatever. I’m just living my life.

And I guess what I’m really saying is that I’ve stopped using my relationship status as a defining factor for my life.

It’s ALL life to be lived to its fullest.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 28th, 2009
11:13 am

For Real – True… Its just not rocket science for men.. But.. Women are emotional creatures even when they try and act like they got a pair..

Dream_n

August 28th, 2009
11:13 am

@ THE INFAMOUS DK — lol… “Good Girl Gone Bad” I think everyone has that stage in their life…