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Know when to fold them

Have you ever been in a relationship and you had that “this is it” moment when you realized it was over? It could have been after you found a huge difference between the two of you that you were sure you could  not handle. Or perhaps it was their quirky behavior that morphed in to crazy behavior. Sometimes, it’s just the simple realization that you are pretending to be happy, when you are really just happy not to be alone.

When do you decide to end things? What if you don’t have a solid explanation for why you want to check out of the relationship, what do you do?

How do you make sure that you aren’t bailing on dating the person for the wrong reasons? When do you know it’s over?

Being on the other side is frustrating too. You know that the person you are dating is acting strange and distant, but you aren’t sure why. Do you bring it up or wait for the person to break it off? How do you know when to hold them and how do you know when to fold them? (Don’t act like I am the only one that loves that song!)

402 comments Add your comment

Dan

August 27th, 2009
8:48 am

Good morning,

This happened to me recently. I remember telling a friend “there’s a space there that shouldn’t be there” when we were together. To even notice it, I knew the end was near.

But stubborn as I is, I waited it out. Determined not to sabotage something for what could’ve been nothing.

Raqi...Sleepless in Atlanta

August 27th, 2009
8:51 am

Yes I have folded and I’ve been folded.

My relationship with the Nature Guy was drawn longer than it should be. It took about 3 months for me to end it after I decided I wanted to end it, which was about 6 months after I knew it should end.

I have been folded a couple of times. One time in particular it was not a relationship type thing yet, well neither was the other, but the guy and I were dating and I could sense he wasn’t quite all there yet he stated he was good. I heard one last I’ll call you tomorrow, followed by the usual kiss on the cheek and I never heard from or saw him again.

Professor

August 27th, 2009
9:02 am

It’s a beautiful morning!

Diva, I love that song too, so you are not alone. However that song “Breaking Up is Hard to Do” comes to mind as well. Whether you have “lost that loving feeling” or the other person is not feeling you it is difficult to get out sometimes.

I am weird when it comes to breakups, I can recall two relationships where things were going good and my intuition (out of nowhere) started to think about the end. There were no pivotal moments or actions, nor did I have an epiphany I just knew time was up.

Do you bring it up or wait for the person to break it off? The old me used to wait and let the guy break it off. The person I am today will break it off. If I am unsure I ask my questions and go from there…

Saint Simons

August 27th, 2009
9:04 am

(((((45 42))))) hahahahahahaha

AmazonRed™

August 27th, 2009
9:07 am

Morning all!

I’m constantly evaluting myself and the people who surround me. My happiness is priority #1, so if something is bringing me down, I’m cutting it loose.

When December hits, I start narrowing down who is not going to be coming with me into the new year. It also helps that my birthday is also in December, so I’m making cuts all around.

I knew my relationship with my ex wasn’t going in the direction I wanted. And I knew he wasn’t going anywhere, he was fine with the way things are. I had established my “bailout plan” months prior. Didn’t matter that everyone thought it should have happened sooner, there were things I needed in place before I could let go. But I knew when I let go, there was no turning back. No “what ifs” or “but maybe if I tried…” The time gave me clarity to see my relationship for what it was, or wasn’t. In any case, no regrets…and no lingering doubts either.

Raqi...Sleepless in Atlanta

August 27th, 2009
9:11 am

When you get to the point that you don’t look forward to seeing your S/O it’s probably time to call it quits. Or at least admit the problem, address it and try to see how and/or if things can be made better.

When you are married or cohabiting and you dread or don’t look forward to going home at the end of the day, there’s a problem.

When the communication lines have completely died, that’s buzzer on the machine. Time to fold.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
9:15 am

ARed- I better not get cut!LOL My bday is in December too, so i can relate to what you are saying.

AmazonRed™

August 27th, 2009
9:18 am

ARed- I better not get cut!LOL

Ms Celie – Do you plan to stop cooking or something? :lol:

The Truth

August 27th, 2009
9:18 am

How sad Amazon Red about your relationship yet I say this with a different intent. You said “I’m constantly evaluating myself and the people who surround me.” How sad that you either trust no one at any time or you are constantly analyzing people to the point that you have no chance to find true happiness.

That is what happened in my last relationship. I was dating an ‘analyzer’ who was always evlauating me and what I was doing. No matter what I did (and I did everything I could to make her happy) I was constantly being measured to the point I felt I was walking on eggshells. Life is meant to be enjoyed not under advisement or critiqued and you will realize life is to short if you keep this up.

Relationships are a work in progress and the man upstairs has given you common sense and a gut feeling system that if you follow it, you will be right most of the time. So quit the analyzing and give someone a chance…you might be surprised and I know a lot happier.

And yes, I am back on the marketplace trying to find my right one as well. No self-help books and no critiques, I am going to trust my gut and just go with the flow….

Kym

August 27th, 2009
9:20 am

Good Morning All,

I love that song Wisey!

How do you make sure that you aren’t bailing on dating the person for the wrong reasons? When do you know it’s over?

If it does not feel right..then letting go is the right reasons. If something is missing you know it and there is no reason to keep going.

Do you bring it up or wait for the person to break it off? For me I am going to bring it up. Even if it is an answer I don’t want to hear..hurt me now, hurt me later..lets get this over with.

Off-Topic..If you know nothing about football why in the hell would you jump in a convo about football? Some people’s children I tell ya.

AmazonRed™

August 27th, 2009
9:20 am

that’s buzzer on the machine. Time to fold.

I like that. :lol:

Dan

August 27th, 2009
9:25 am

@the Truth

I doubt that you are the same Truth that uses that moniker because of this phrase “the Man upstairs”…..

[...] the original: Know when to fold them | Misadventures in Atlanta This entry is filed under Dating, Dating in Atlanta. You can follow any responses to this entry [...]

AmazonRed™

August 27th, 2009
9:27 am

How sad Amazon Red about your relationship yet I say this with a different intent. You said “I’m constantly evaluating myself and the people who surround me.” How sad that you either trust no one at any time or you are constantly analyzing people to the point that you have no chance to find true happiness.

Truth – I think you took that one too literally. Basically, if I find anything bringing me stress or unhappiness, I find the source and eliminate it…period.

Actually, it’s quite easy for me to be happy. Cuz I live my life to the fullest and don’t think for a second that I should allow for any mistreatment.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
9:28 am

Good morning peeps!

Okay, I know this is not OUR The Truth, because he referred to the “man upstairs”. Nuff said!

On topic – What if you don’t have a solid explanation to break up, you ask? Why do you need one? What is solid? “I’m just not feeling you/this” is solid enough in my book. Sometimes things can be going “fine”, but you just don’t have that loving feeling that you ought to have when you’re romantically entagled. You might care for them greatly as a friend, but anything more is just not there. You can’t make it so. Better to cut your losses.

I’ve been here and it’s awful, especially when the person is nice and really has not “done” anything bad to you. I owe it to myself and the other person to end it. We both deserve happiness. I’ve stayed in a few relationships way past the expiration date and I’ll never do that again. Waste precious time.

Bruce

August 27th, 2009
9:29 am

Well I have been folded and folded on like most people. But one time I got folded on it really hurt. Cause I really liked her and I thought she licked. But I just notice the phone calls came less and less frequent, and then the emails stopped. I kept asking like is something wrong she just always claimed she was busy. So I just stopped calling and she didn’t call me so it was over I guess. But what really hurt was like 4 months later. She tells me that she was dating a guy that stayed hours away and that she was pregnant by him. It felt like she took out my heart and punted it. I have folded on someone. It wasn’t like anything she did. I just could see myself being ok but not happy. LIke a job you work cause you pay the bills. That was her. And I wanted someone I was passionate about. So I did what I had to.

AmazonRed™

August 27th, 2009
9:31 am

No, it’s not the same Truth. This other one has posted before. I thought this one was married tho.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
9:33 am

Kym – To your off-topic question, I don’t know if you saw my rant later on in the day yesterday about my know-it-all buddy. She will argue you down about something and be as wrong as a copper nickel! It seems to be getting worse, cause a coworker told me yesterday he had 3 arguments with her in a 24 hr period about cars. He’s just about a car expert and her knowledge of them is well… you know the rest!LOL!! Folks have just started letting her have it (the last word) and shaking their head, walking away. She has not noticed yet.

Professor

August 27th, 2009
9:33 am

@Ared I am an analyzer as well, and I like to measure things. How do you know if something is working if you are not measuring results and looking at what you have? For the most part I try not to analyze my friends just the interaction and how I feel about the relationship. If they drain me for no reason…GONE…if they keep drama and need advice…GONE…if I am the smartest person they know…GONE. I am a December baby as well. Intelligent people are always doing some type of analysis…that is the only way we can become a master thinker.

M. (pronounced M dot)

August 27th, 2009
9:35 am

@When do you decide to end things? What if you don’t have a solid explanation for why you want to check out of the relationship, what do you do?

For me, it seems like its more of small things building up and everything just comes to a hault before I am ready to end things…like she may have done the smallest thing…kept you waiting for 15 extra minutes without calling etc and I just want to FIRE her! But also, I am real with myself and know I am really bad about breaking things off. I guess its that eternal guilt on my part. Sometimes things just fade away with no one making a clear resolution. I do hate when they start acting wierd for no reason then you have to figure out what’s their problem.

The Truth

August 27th, 2009
9:37 am

Dan – I usually only comment on the sports blogs so I am sure it is not me…it seems many have picked up my moniker so I will have to change it.

Amazon Red – Point taken but I was just using that as an example. So many of my single friends go through so much self-help and group blogs that they never know what to do or say. It is like a baseball player in a batting slump…everyone tells him how to hit that by the time he goes up to the plate, he is a mixed up mess.

Glad you are happy Red and that was the main point I was making. I too love life and plan to tackle it headon. Peace to you and your goals.

Kay

August 27th, 2009
9:37 am

I made the mistake once, of deciding it was over when my guy tried to convince me that my lack of interest in having kids was something that I’d “get over.” I knew in that moment that he wanted ‘em, and was going to try to “convince” me to have ‘em. And I knew I wouldn’t have ‘em, so I left him. In retrospect, it may have been the biggest mistake of my life. I’m childfree, and ecstatic to be so, but he was a REALLY GREAT GUY and, perhaps, I should’ve not assumed that was what was going to happen.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
9:37 am

I just could see myself being ok but not happy. LIke a job you work cause you pay the bills.

I refuse to be in this situation, but people will tell you you’re wrong for not settling for it.

Amred – I know what you mean about evaluating things and eliminating stress. I did that at the beginning of 2007, mainly with the guys I was dealing with and a few toxic “friendships”. Put out the trash, as I called it. Life has been great ever since!

Grace

August 27th, 2009
9:37 am

Good morning, I love that song! If I can get a dollar for everytime I’ve said and heard “this is it” I’d have one of my bills paid. For me, ending a relationship is hard, all the time and energy getting to know a person, forming habits, setting up patterns. It’s hard. But I do know that when it’s over it’s over, when the patterns start to zig zag and we’re all off track and all the talking in the world isn’t going to change a darn thing or make it better. When his name pops up on my caller ID and I purposely ignore it, or hearing his voice makes my skin crawl, when he’s touches me and I pull back, time to fold em.

Dan

August 27th, 2009
9:41 am

@Professor

There’s a difference between analyzing a situation/event and a relationship.

I often have to get out of my own head in an romantic relationship. For my friends, most I’ve known my whole life so there’s no need to analyze their behavior; I accept them as they are.

I’m learning to apply that standard across the board

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 27th, 2009
9:41 am

Good Morning All

I had promised myself that I would avoid the blog and stay focussed on work today, but this is a topic that Iis too compelling for my own personal life. I am torn because I don’t want to hurt anyone, nor do I want to be with the wrong person or with some one for the wrong reasons, (aka sex).

When trying to decide if it is time to go, what I have used in the past is when I see in myself that I find reasons not to call, not to talk, or I realize I am calling out of guilt or a sense of obligation not desire. That is a serious red flag for me to try to discern is there no chemistry or am I just going through a blahhh mood, or distracted. The biggest question is why?

Last summer, I went to lunch/dinner a few times with a lady who drove me wild physically. I knew and she knew the first time we were together not in a public place what was going to happen…a lot of physical chemistry. However I found myself recognizing that I would put off calling her, that I did not enjoy just talking and truthfully did not care what was going on in her day to day life. One day she called and I just told her I did not think it would work out. She seemed surprised but okay with that. I just knew that as good as the physical would have been, there was a bigger price that I would pay if I stayed…the guilt that would come from knowing I was just using her. I will not deny, there have been times since when I have thought many times about what it might have been like and questioned whether Is hould have just enjoyed myself and thenran, but I just could not do that.

Compelling

August 27th, 2009
9:44 am

Good Morning everyone.

I really have no clue what triggers my need to kick someone out of my life. I tend to be really dismissive because it’s my defense mechanism. One wrong move (even if it wasn’t/isn’t intentional) and you were out the door. I’ve dismissed friends and potential S/O’s over it. I really can’t say that I regret it all that much, but I have learned to at least allow the other person to give me their side of things. I tend to be very impatient and bullheaded when it comes to hearing others out (trust me I’m working on it) but it gets hard.

I think it’s been this way since a long term relationship ended for no reason and I found myself holding on for dear live when the signs were telling me to let it go. I pride myself on being strong but in that very moment I was weak, and I despised the fragility I saw in myself. Ever since, it gets easier and easier to cut people off. I’ll ignore calls, delete contacts, block emails, it gets ugly. In some ways I like my ability to pick up the pieces and move on, but I also know that I need to at least try “meeting in the middle”. I’d rather not be on the exteme end of things. Just hard not to be for me.

Kym

August 27th, 2009
9:52 am

@kimmie I just listen and shake my head. T-minus 15 days and counting until Football begins and I am seriously behind on my scouting for the draft.

Professor

August 27th, 2009
9:52 am

@ Dan

***There’s a difference between analyzing a situation/event and a relationship.****

We can agree to disagree on this one. Anytime you examine a matter you are analyzing that matter. Most people biggest failures in life come from the lack of examining things (thinking). Guess what, most people fail in relationship because they do not examine the relationship…they run on feelings, emotions and ignore red flags…not to mention hear what they want to hear. The end results=heartbreak and regrets. Why, because they failed to analyze. I analyze myself as it relates to all aspects in my life including but not limited to relationships, which has lead to less errors and pain over the years.

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
9:54 am

1) When things begin to wane and I ask what’s going on, I too got the answer that all was good. Well I’m sort of a go by what I see rather than what you say if it ain’t meshing and what I was feeling was more akin to 1+1=3. So, I folded. If it’s apparent I’m out. Not waiting for the other shoe to drop.

2) Dated dude about 8 months. Everything is just plain ole grand….so I thought. Good vibe, that ebb and flow thing going on….(sigh). Meet-ups, calling out sick to hang out, loving on my (then)3 year old, cooking dinner for the 3 of us, late movies…blah blah blah…..just all friggin love. A mutual (he introduced me to)tugs my shirt tail and says, before getting any deeper you should know there’s a fiance. He picks me up that following Saturday and I let the day flow as usual. Eating, picking up a couple of items, sitting in the park chatting. Well, when he drops me off, I ask. His story? She was 12 years his senior (which she was) and already financially established…a doctor….yep I verified. They’d laid out their agenda for the up and coming years, no kids, a house on the hill and she would support him until he was schooled enough to pull the salary he wants. Even after that frank and open discussion, he asks twice before I exit what could do to make me stay. I’m now looking as if he’d grown 2 heads….I say all or nothing. There was dead silence about 2 or 3 minutes. I step out of the car and never looked back. I folded…I guess.

That was serious heartbreak.

SexyCool - Today, I am NOT water.

August 27th, 2009
9:56 am

Three Words Daily – Learn The Secret.

Compelling

August 27th, 2009
9:59 am

Ms. Main- WOW @ your number 2. What a crazy situation. I’ve feared that constantly. Falling in love with someone and not knowing that they’re living a double life. Heartbreak indeed.

Big G

August 27th, 2009
10:00 am

I always end it when I start thinking maybe I should end it.

I also end it when I decide that will not get mad at the person. I only get mad at people I love, so if I don’t get mad…then I must not love the person.

Doctor

August 27th, 2009
10:03 am

When you love someone and want to truly make it work, you will try to hang in there. Only if the person is a positive, honest person. Although, when you start to see signs of behavior change. Not communicating the way things used to be. You know something else is on the other persons agenda. Thats what happened to me. I tried to hang in there longer than I really should have. But, when I let go. I was completely out of the relationship.

Its really funny, them moment I deceded to let go. My significant other really started to come around. Calling more, wanting to spend more time together. In a relationship, I will give it my all. But when I let go, its no turning back.

Why can’t your spouse, ex, significant other treat you the way you should be treated in the begining, or may I say during your relationship?

It’s too late once it’s over. Ive seen it too many times, when you loose someone. They want to act right when its too late. Only to get you back and treat you right for a short while. Then what do you know, they start showing the same bad behavior again. The Cycle Has To Be Broken.

AmazonRed™

August 27th, 2009
10:03 am

Point taken but I was just using that as an example. So many of my single friends go through so much self-help and group blogs that they never know what to do or say

Truth – No problem. To be honest, I don’t think about things enough. I am too quick to dismiss things as “it’s not that serious,” “you’re thinking too hard” or my favorite “what is the big deal?” (cuz in the grand scheme of things, your relations drama ain’t really all that special).

But like I tell people, I live alone and I don’t have any kids. All I do is have time for myself. So if I were to be unhappy or allow for unhappiness, I’d really have no one to blame but ME! I have absolutely nothing tying me down.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
10:04 am

Ms. Main – All I can do is shake my head! See, it’s shyt like that I can’t take, and was ALMOST in a situation like that myself, but like you I bailed!

I always feared opening up the newspaper to the wedding announcements or reading the wedding announcements in Jet and seeing the dude I was currently dealing with at the time. This very thing happened to a lady I know and it tore her up.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
10:04 am

What if you don’t have a solid explanation for why you want to check out of the relationship, what do you do?

Good morning folks!!

Happened exactly this way when i left my ex-wife.
I went to see my divorce lawyer and hes asking me for the reasons why i wanted out:
1 is she argumentative? I said NO
2 does she cheat on you? I said NO
3 does she keep a dirty house? I said NO
4 is it about money? i said NO

what is it then?” he kinda asked in exasperation :lol:

it didnt matter, i wasnt feeling the marriage, thats all.
She was an absolutely beautiful and capable wife,very responsible….BUT
she wasnt for me coz i wasnt feeling her and our union like that.

So NO, in response to WISE’s qstion.U dont have to have a reason, go with your gutt.If u are not happy,u are not happy,u dont need explanations,validations and all that other crap.
My thing is, u cannot explain nor find validation as to why u luv smebody.U may think u do but really u dont have the deep down reasons why.
An absolutely gorgeous woman,with the right physical and values/ qualities u look for in a woman can still fail to make the grade.
Luv is just a feel thing!
Cut her lose if u aint happy,no explanations required,except ofcourse to sooth her departing azz..cause they always ask for reasons anyway…(why?) :lol

Professor

August 27th, 2009
10:04 am

@ Compelling- I will dismiss someone, but I don’t see it as a defense mechanism. I have some friends that I cannot talk to every day or kick it with every week. They are good people, but like sugar too much will cause some problems. So, I keep them but I know to take them in small dosages.

I am not a “needy” person. I do not call around looking for hook-ups, free stuff, asking for help, having folks to help me move…I believe in paying for services and not worrying the hell out of people, because I don’t like people worrying the hell out of me. With that said when I need help it is serious and if I do not get the help I need or some effort it is like a parachute I don’t need you again if you did not work the first time. Guess what, I will dismiss that person.

@Ms. Main…thanks for sharing that story. I wonder if he ever found love and happiness with his Dr.?

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
10:09 am

Compelling That was about 10 years ago. It took me some time to get over that. I’ve seen him twice since. About a year after it happened, face to face. Of course being bitter, I just waived and kept walking…he’d stepped out of the car. Then at the red light. I ducked then.

C tha 1

August 27th, 2009
10:09 am

I used to date a girl who would over analyze a grain of salt. At first I thought it was cute and quirky. . .then it became irritaiting as hell. Needless to say I got folded. The truth of the matter is you’re going to find something wrong with every person in your life! People who overanalyze generally are trying to protect themselves. I get that.

“Sometimes, it’s just the simple realization that you are pretending to be happy, when you are really just happy not to be alone.” This really sent my mind back to a point where I remembered the chic in question telling me how happy she was that I was in her life. Even said I was her best friend. Then slowly she began to withdraw and the inevitable happened. She had recently got out of a relationship and I was the rebound guy. It took a while to shake that empty feeling as I felt there isn’t any real purpose in being the rebound dude.

Chink

August 27th, 2009
10:10 am

I usually know when I am pushed to the limit…and I just shut down after that. I don’t like to take too many attempts to make a relationship work sometimes it just won’t. On the flip side maybe I don’t have the “hang in there” attitude…but if I see that he is worth it maybe I will stick around….

SexyCool - Today, I am NOT water.

August 27th, 2009
10:11 am

For me, with my exhusband, it was when he came home and told he me didn’t want to be married anymore. A week later, I found out about the chick he was leaving me for. Shortly after that, I learned she was a stripper.

With my last ex, it had to have been when I happened upon him out with that other chick without even trying.

And with random people that I’ve met and dated along the way, sometimes, it’s been a comment or trying me in a crazy way or the lack of attention or sensing the rotation of it all….and so on.

AmazonRed™

August 27th, 2009
10:12 am

Amred – I know what you mean about evaluating things and eliminating stress.

kimmie – This one chick on my FB this morning is antagonizing over deleting her ex as a friend. Apparently, he has found a new girl and she’s having trouble handling all the pics and status updates about it. I’m sitting up here like “WTF?” This is a NO BRAINER. Delete his azz!

Just a classic example of women putting someone elses feelings above their own. PHUCK HIS FEELINGS. :lol:

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
10:13 am

Professor I’m not certain. I talk to that mutual friend that tugged my shirt tail every blue moon and it’s funny because there’s an apparent air between us where neither will ask or mention him. The time I saw him at the light, I assuming that was her on the passenger side. I do know they live in “blank” estates…so I’d lean to a yes. Whether or not there’s happiness there I can’t say but the material, I’m more than certain. She had a thriving private practice back then.

Raqi...Sleepless in Atlanta

August 27th, 2009
10:13 am

LOL Ms.Main I’ll raise you one “You can’t have that baby because I am married”.

andy

August 27th, 2009
10:14 am

Does love, or the lack of, come into play in breaking up? I do see ‘love’ mentioned here. Not assuming that anyone was or was not ‘in love’; just do not see much of it mentioned.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
10:16 am

Melo – I feel your post. Did any of your friends put you down for leaving a “perfectly nice” woman for “no reason”? That’s what urks me to no end – folks think you “owe” it to a person to stick it out and be miserable! Love is just like that sometimes – it can be complicated and messy and heartbreaking, but it is what it is.

Voice or Reason#1

August 27th, 2009
10:16 am

When you go to his place and it is a virtual pig sty! NO woman wants a nasty man. And I’m talking about a grown man, not some college kid. I went to his place, I saw…and I haven’t seen him since! Nor will I. I’m still thinking to call the Board of Health on his butt. He’s a walking health hazard. I don’t do filth.

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
10:17 am

Raqi Yes, that one trumps…whew…lol

andy

August 27th, 2009
10:18 am

OOPS——
I meant I do NOT see love mentioned here!

Melinda

August 27th, 2009
10:18 am

Timing is EVERYTHING. I had been in a relationship for 7 years. A great friendship but the romance had gone away. Far, far away. I procrastinated for way too long. When I finally decided to say “Let’s be friends”, he tells me he has Prostate Cancer. Well how do you end it at that point? Being the good person I am, I stay in it. Then at the end of his prostate treatments, he is diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and given max 2 years to live. So here again, how do you walk out on someone that needs you so badly? Looking back I know I could not have left him during his time of need…but then again at times I sure do feel like I wasted precious years on someone that I had long been over emotionally. In the end, I met the most wonderful man because of all the circumstances and we have been married for 6 years. I guess good deeds do get rewarded…..

Professor

August 27th, 2009
10:20 am

@Andy, I will say this it is a blessing and a curse. I remove emotions such as “love” and look at facts when I make a decision. My sister mentioned this to me a few weeks ago, she said, “You are not like most people you remove emotions and do what is right.” I guess that is why most people think I am a stoic, although I care, love, and feel passion at the end of the day I can make the right decision.

@Ms. Main…thanks.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
10:20 am

LOL ARed- FB is a real trip!

Chink and others- How do you know if the person is “worth it” to stick around?

SexyCool - Today, I am NOT water.

August 27th, 2009
10:22 am

Andy – You cannot maintain LOVE in a screwed up situation. Most often, people don’t stay for LOVE. They stay out of habit, co-dependency, financial concerns, the kids, a skewed sense of loyalty.

In the end, really, What’s love got to do with it?

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
10:22 am

Melinda- wow, that’s a sad story, but I do not like the “let’s be friends” conversation. I honestly feel that is just a way to “try” to end things nicely. I say “no thanks” to that.

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
10:24 am

Andy I think for experiences posted, love being a part of the equation should be a given. I for one, don’t really take pride in spinning fruitless wheels. But that’s just my take.

andy

August 27th, 2009
10:24 am

I meant I do not see LOVE in this discussion.

SexyCool - Today, I am NOT water.

August 27th, 2009
10:24 am

Oh, one more, people stay because of fear.

Professor

August 27th, 2009
10:25 am

@Melinda, I have an associate that divorced his terminally ill wife. He later mentioned to me that all of that sickness and in health…richer or poorer should be taken out of the vows and if he remarried he would write his own vows. Simply put, during her illness, she drained him…after all of those years, children, memories and all he divorced her stating that he needed his own sanity.

Compelling

August 27th, 2009
10:25 am

@ Professor- I guess we’re alike in the way that we don’t trouble people for assistance. I usually try to do it all myself and only when I really need it will I ask for help. I also used to have friends that I treated with a long-handled spoon, but it got tiring and I had to cut them off. Plus, they weren’t doing much for themselves and like the old saying goes, why am I running with turkeys when I’m meant to soar with eagles? (It’s corny as all get out, but hey it makes sense, lol)

@Ms Main- Avoiding him was probably for the best, I mean it’d just be awkward to make small talk.

@ARed- I agree. DELETE! It’ll be the best thing she could do for herself.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
10:25 am

Page – You and me both with the “friends” thing! Can’t do it! Got plenty friends already with no complications!

SCool – What’s love got to do with it? – You said a mouthful right there!

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
10:25 am

Andy Better yet, I think love is the assumption and then you later find out…what’s love got to do with it…lol

SexyCool - Today, I am NOT water.

August 27th, 2009
10:26 am

Page – I say all the time, “We can CALL it friends, but we really don’t have to BE friends.”

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
10:28 am

CompellingMs Main- Avoiding him was probably for the best, I mean it’d just be awkward to make small talk.

Righteo.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
10:29 am

Did any of your friends put you down for leaving a “perfectly nice” woman for “no reason”?

Kimmie,thanx.
This is the conundrum that most pple face when they are deciding to divorce or end a relationship..what are the pple close to them gon say?
For me yes,i had pple looking at me side-ways etc and trying to give me guidance but i was not having none of that..i was selfish in a good way..taking care of me!
It helped.

SexyCool - Today, I am NOT water.

August 27th, 2009
10:31 am

We can sit here and debate the LOVE aspect of a relationship all day long.

The truth is – when disconnects happen in relationships, the love is not nurtured. Un-nurtured love dies. When the love dies, the reasons that you stay have nothing to do with that emotion for that person.

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
10:31 am

MelindaIn the end, I met the most wonderful man because of all the circumstances and we have been married for 6 years. I guess good deeds do get rewarded…..

Albeit a lot of years, a great story with the experience of loving someone for their sake and beyond your own needs. That’s commendable indeed.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
10:31 am

Kimmie- ^5. I mean, for me, it’s hard to back pedal and go from a relationship or lovers to just friends. To me, the “friends” title is just a default because the relationship didn’t work.

SC- are you talking about booty calls with the person?

Professor

August 27th, 2009
10:33 am

@Melo I thought of you this morning and giggled when I saw Diane Sawyer on GMA.

BTW sometimes you have to be selfish and take care of you if you are no longer happy and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

Kym

August 27th, 2009
10:33 am

This topic is dreary. Here how about you just play this song..they will get the hint.

There problem is all inside your head she said to me..the answer is easy if you take it logically.
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free there must be fifty ways to leave your lover.
She said it really not my habit to intrude
Futhermore I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued but I’ll repeat myself a the risk of being crude there must be fifty ways to leave your lover. Fifty ways to leave your lover.

You just slip ou the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy Just get yourself free.
Hop on the bus, Gus You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee And get yourself free.

Chink

August 27th, 2009
10:34 am

Page – How do you know if the person is “worth it” to stick around? Good Question! I haven’t been there yet. My current SO is the best thing that happened to me but he might surprise me one day and how will I react..I want to go for the long haul and I am just hoping for no surprises that can change my views of him!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
10:34 am

i was selfish in a good way..taking care of me!

Melo – I can totally appreciate that – and you know, you took care of HER too, by setting her free to find her true happiness! While I appreciate my friends concern(my family KNOWS me & what I will & won’t take) – at the end of the day its all about me. I’m the one that will have to deal with this person, not them!

SexyCool - Today, I am NOT water.

August 27th, 2009
10:35 am

Page – Not at all.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
10:36 am

Kym – Love that song!

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
10:37 am

So far, I like 3 dudes right now.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 27th, 2009
10:37 am

I think the biggest sign I have experienced telling me it is time to leave is when the woman ends it…always a red flag that something is wrong, lol.

Grace

August 27th, 2009
10:37 am

Andy love is in the equation I loved him but I love myself even more, no need to stay when love has walk out the door.

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
10:38 am

To me, the “friends” title is just a default because the relationship didn’t work.

True true and true.

Sometimes, I actually probably could be but I fell like I’m “giving” you one so no, I shut the door and keep moving. Guess for me it’s a pride thing.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
10:39 am

Chink- that’s good. I guess I am just wondering about that because I think we all think we are “worth it” but to the other person, maybe not.

Question for the ladies- how long would you date a dude before you decide to fold?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 27th, 2009
10:40 am

In the end one thing is a reality as much as we try to fight it…

“if is not right for both, it is not right for either”.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 27th, 2009
10:42 am

The dilemma with how “love” plays in to this is that all it takes to fall in love is a pulse. It is the easy part. Staying in “love” is the hard part.

Chink

August 27th, 2009
10:42 am

I always believed that love doesnt make you stay…there were a couple of guys I loved but left. It was the hardest thing to do but I just didn’t think me being miserable to be in love was worth it.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
10:43 am

Ms. Main- ^5. it;s funny because I find that dudes like to use the “let’s be friends” title when they no longer want a commitment, or never wanted one in the beginning, but yet, they still want to spend time with you, have s3x, and everything else. no thanks!

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
10:47 am

Melo – I feel your post. Did any of your friends put you down for leaving a “perfectly nice” woman for “no reason”? That’s what urks me to no end – folks think you “owe” it to a person to stick it out and be miserable!

kimmie – Who knows though. Maybe without the “out” clause (divorce), melo would have been forced to find ways to rekindle the romance.

I mean, I always get thrashed by the divorcees on here, but I think once you’re married you gotta find ways to make it work, especially if there isn’t cheating or violence going on.

I’m just saying, my grandparents, who are very much in love, wouldn’t have made it 62 years if they left when they got bored.

Wings () (Beyond the Pretty)

August 27th, 2009
10:49 am

Good Morning Bloggers:

@ ARED – your first post was right on the money!

Like many of you, I ‘ve been on both sides of the equation and although in some cases, it was difficult, I have never regretted a relationship that was not meant to be. I’m not one to stand in the way of love and if he can find it somewhere else……………go in peace………be happy because I want the same consideration.

I’m not gonna say “I gotta big EGO”, but it damn sure is in tact………lol

How do you know when it’s over?

Like my momma said to me about a cheating mate, “You might not be the first one to acknowledge it, but baby, you will be the first one to know”………….trust your gut!

Melinda

August 27th, 2009
10:50 am

Professor and Page 1908….

I think there are just times in life that you have to put the needs of others above your own happiness. His need was greater than mine at the time. We all have different character types. Some people can hang with a loved one during a serious/terminal illness and others can’t. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I abandoned someone in their time of need. I have to look in the mirror everyday and see who I really am. But I know people who have walked out on a sick spouse. Can’t seem to find a reason good enough to do that to someone else. But then again, when I am in a relationship, the other person always comes first. As far as being “Friends”..Even if we had broken up we would have truly stayed friends – because we were that most of all anyway.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
10:51 am

dudes like to use the “let’s be friends” title when they no longer want a commitment, or never wanted one in the beginning

Page,its not a genuine Friend Request.
Dudes do that becoz they have smewhat of a guilty conscience,knowing the feelings that engulf most chics esp when u 2 have sexxed and frolicked but he decides to end it.Thats a “sooth u” kinda mechanism,to make u feel better.I doubt it actually does but thats the rationale.
And then again,dudes want that booty as a “spare tire” kinda thing,so if u are the Friend and u have gon there in the past,the thinking is,if he presses u for some more, u may relent.
:oops: I gave away a MLB play! :lol:

For Real

August 27th, 2009
10:51 am

Ared/Prof: “I just could see myself being ok but not happy. LIke a job you work cause you pay the bills. I refuse to be in this situation, but people will tell you you’re wrong for not settling for it.” – How does this same logic apply to those that say “I’m okay with being single”?

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
10:51 am

My real estate agent invited me to a party at her house where there is gonna be a Body Magic party. It’s supposed to be wayyy better than Spanx, but ummmm I don’t know. I always get leery of going to parties where they have some kind of presentation because usually they want you to buy something. smdh. *shrugs*

Chink

August 27th, 2009
10:52 am

I think once you’re married you gotta find ways to make it work, especially if there isn’t cheating or violence going on.

I AGREE. You take a vow and I think that should be taken seriously.

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
10:53 am

@Andy, I will say this it is a blessing and a curse. I remove emotions such as “love” and look at facts when I make a decision. My sister mentioned this to me a few weeks ago, she said, “You are not like most people you remove emotions and do what is right.” I guess that is why most people think I am a stoic, although I care, love, and feel passion at the end of the day I can make the right decision.

Professor – I am the exact same way.

Wings () (Beyond the Pretty)

August 27th, 2009
10:54 am

@ Randyt – That’s why growing love is so important…………..I always weary when someone falls head over heals too fast………

Grace

August 27th, 2009
10:54 am

Never settle for less

You can create results or you can make excuses. It’s much more fun and fulfilling to create the results you have chosen to create.

The opportunities are always there. Your job is to seize them and work them into real, meaningful achievements.

Always, there are challenges. And always, there are ways to successfully move through those challenges.

Whatever you can envision, you can achieve. Sure, there are plenty of excuses for not doing so, and yet there are also plenty of ways to make it happen.

The purpose of your magnificent life is not to merely endure. There are wonderful, unique treasures that only you can create.

Fulfillment of your authentic purpose is worth every effort. Never settle for less from yourself/for yourself than the absolute best.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
10:55 am

Melo- I agree with you, which is why i don’t like it. I mean, asking me if i wanna be friends doesn’t make me feel better.

Chink

August 27th, 2009
10:55 am

Melo…I have said “maybe we can be friends” also it usually doesn’t pan out well because they want all or nothing …

Wings () (Beyond the Pretty)

August 27th, 2009
10:56 am

@ MELO – women use that same line “lets be friends”. lol

For Real

August 27th, 2009
10:56 am

Melinda: I bet your story gives your husband great comfort. There are no accidents in life.

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
10:57 am

How does this same logic apply to those that say “I’m okay with being single”?

For Real – Why are you asking me. I’m not okay with being “just okay.”

I’m not okay with being single, I’m happily single.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
10:58 am

Wings, do they use it for exactly same reasons like guys??

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
10:58 am

If I do agree to the let’s be friends thing, I say “oh ok”, then I just delete them and never take any of their calls. lol

Chink

August 27th, 2009
11:01 am

I would think so Melo since its a way to get out of any negative confrontation…except we aren’t trying to keep sleeping wit ya.

For Real

August 27th, 2009
11:01 am

Ared: I know you are happy being single but there a lot women that are not happy being single that say “I’m okay with being single” but will turn around and say “I just could see myself being ok but not happy”. I wanted the two of yous analysis of that statement.

Wings () (Beyond the Pretty)

August 27th, 2009
11:01 am

You know whats sad is that a lot of people (not all) that I know who are married, wish they weren’t.

For Real

August 27th, 2009
11:02 am

Grace: “Never settle for less” – What does that mean?

Melinda

August 27th, 2009
11:05 am

Let me ask a question here… Do people really think once they get married that there are not going to be down times in the relationship? I mean do you go into marriage thinking everything is going to be good all the time? That is why the vows state “In good times and bad, in sickness and health”… cause shiot happens. In all marriages there are times when you think – did I EVER love this person??? Marriage has phases, ups and downs. Those that stick it out – unless there is cheating, cause if there is – games over – are the real winners. I know, I have made mistakes in the past. Many regrets. But this time, I see marriage for what it really is. As long as I meet my husbands needs, I know mine will be met. A good marriage has to be based on you being unselfish….Some people don’t agree with this – but then most of them don’t have good marriages either. You have to eliminate the “I” and substitue “WE”….

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
11:05 am

I wanted the two of yous analysis of that statement.

For Real – A lot of people don’t know that there is something better for them out there because they will settle for being where they are. They get knocked up by a “good man” to keep him not realizing that there could be a good man out there that actually wants to marry you too.

I mean, I really have nothing to say about it really. It’s about the person you are within.

People who become millionaires often get that way because they always thought they could be one.

Wings () (Beyond the Pretty)

August 27th, 2009
11:08 am

@ Melo – Yes! Women do it for the exact same reason……….you may be able to re-purpose him.

On the fence...

August 27th, 2009
11:09 am

Perfect timing, as I am mulling over this decision right now. In short, met a great guy 9 mths ago, 3 mths in he lost his job. During the last six months, his health declined, financial woes and unemployment obviously weighed on him and increasingly affected our relationship as some days were better than most, but tense nonetheless. Now, he is back to work, but I feel like I am drained on all that has happened to see if things get back to where they were before life got in the way. Not to mention my own plate is full with work, school and my child. I believe it can be better, but not sure how to put things behind us so we can get back to the “getting to know each other” phase. Any thoughts or advice would be helpful, but be gentle :)

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
11:14 am

I believe it can be better, but not sure how to put things behind us so we can get back to the “getting to know each other” phase

Fence – That part is key there. I don’t know how you can do it either, but it’s worth a try.

Grace

August 27th, 2009
11:14 am

For Real it’s self explanatory….never settle for less regardless of the roadblocks, setbacks, etc. in any aspect of your life. Not only pretaining to relationships.

For Real

August 27th, 2009
11:16 am

Ared: Good point but that’s not what I’m asking. Let me try it this way: If you say you can’t see yourself being just “ok” in a relationship but then you say you are “ok” with being single… from a chick’s perspective how are those two statements reconciled?

Melinda: To answer your question: This is the I, My, and Me society that 60’s generation created. In one moment they will spout off about Jesus and then turn around say “it’s all about my happiness”

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
11:19 am

If you say you can’t see yourself being just “ok” in a relationship but then you say you are “ok” with being single… from a chick’s perspective how are those two statements reconciled?

For Real – Again, I don’t know. I honesty can not see how that makes any sense from a “chick’s perspective” or anyone elses for that matter.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
11:19 am

Morning All! Great topic!

Wings – agree with your 11:01, I have met more unhappily married people as of late. My sister said that talking to those people is enough to make you not want to get married if you arent strong willed enough.

Grace – never for settle for less regardless….. co-signing that one chica! Regret waiting to surface

For Real

August 27th, 2009
11:20 am

OTF: Open your mouth and tell him how tired the past year has made you. Ask him for some relief. A vacation with just the two of you in a quite place.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 27th, 2009
11:21 am

@ On the fence … that could have been me 10 or 12 years ago. My wife did the right thing by kicking me to the curb although I sure did not see it that way at the time. When I totally had to deal with life alone, I became smarter, worked harder at improving ME, and learned to be totally self-sufficient in every way. It was the most painful and the most ultimately gratifying period of my life. Back then, I would look in the mirror and frankly had total contempt for what I saw…now I am very comfortble with me. Bottom line is my wife did me a favor “putting me down” (as like a pet with no hope of recovery).

My point is stay if you really, really care, but don’t stay out of pity or guilt. We are all survivors if we have to be.

Melinda

August 27th, 2009
11:23 am

On the fence…

Give yourself a timeline – say 6 more months. Keep a diary and write your thoughts about the relationship down everyday. At the end of those 6 months take your diary out and start from page 1 and read forward. Gage your decision to stay in the relationship based on what you read. Are they mostly happy days or sad? Cause this is what you can base your future with this man to be going forward. When you see the days unfolding in a written form it is so vivid. You can’t deny the written word. This really works…

SexyCool - Today, I am NOT water.

August 27th, 2009
11:26 am

For Real – As a single chick, I’m happy. But my happy has nothing to do with being single. It’s because I am a happy person. And I know how to be happy regardless of the state of relationship that I am or am not in.

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
11:26 am

Melinda, I am loving all of your post today. You seem very wise. I hope you stick around. :)

Dream_n

August 27th, 2009
11:30 am

GOod Morning All,
This topic is the story of my life,
I’m currenttly in a relationship that I just want to give up on (and kinda has). We have a child together and we live together. In the beginning (of course) it was beautiful. We got along and everything was so cut and sweet. Then the ‘REAL’ him came out.. This guy has a temper out of this world! He will blow up for small things. For the past 2 1/2 yrs I’ve been dealing with this “attitude” and frankly i’m sooo tired of it. I dread coming home from work, b/c I have to actually be around him. I haven’t touched him in almost 5 months. Theres no intimacy.. of course he tries, but I just don’t have that kinda love for him anymore to go there. He’s broken things called me names.. you name it. Do I still love him “YES” and I in love with him “NO”. Its time to go….:(

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
11:33 am

Page1908 If I do agree to the let’s be friends thing, I say “oh ok”, then I just delete them and never take any of their calls.

Almost for the sake of seemingly being a big girl and taking high road but not really.

Dream_n

August 27th, 2009
11:33 am

I always say.. I’m not married to this guy… I’m too young to b feeling like my life is over… “This shouldn’t be my life right now….

SexyCool - Back to being Water.

August 27th, 2009
11:34 am

Y’all are depressing as hell this morning. Y’all fckn up my bliss.

Lighten up. Lighten up.

JMS

August 27th, 2009
11:34 am

I realized a relationship could not continue when I met my then boyfriends boyhood friend, after dating about 2 years his friend came down to visit with his girlfriend, the problem was, he was still married. I had previously met him and his wife…so that was not going to fly with me… it was a very uncomfortable weekend. His wife was lovely and the girlfriend looked like a hooker, tight, short clothing, and 3 inch nails, dyed platinum hair, just awful. When I told my boyfriend that I did not want to be party to his friends double life, he agreed that it was awkward. I let it go thinking that would be it, not so… a few months later they came down again, and the result of me telling my then boyfriend how uncomfortable I was with the situation, I was left high and dry and he went off with his friends to the lake for the weekend… I knew I did not want to socialize with that behavior and if we were to marry that would be a huge stumbling block. That was when I knew it would not work and the relationship died a natural death shortly after that. I think he knew it too there was not room for that friend and me in his life, as this was a friend he had had for 20 years… we had only been dating about 2 years… about a year later we met up and he said that he had always thought we would get married…. I was very surprised, as I felt he had made his choice, our parting was friendly, and from past experience I knew that this would be a problem that would not go away. Sadly many younger people are too caught up in the moment to take a step back and look long term at dating, friends and family situations that might be harmful to the long term relationship. My husband whom I met shortly after that parting, has wonderful friends that I can totally embrace, and I have grown not only to like but love and respect. You cannot control people or who they chose to be friends with, it important to know that, and I am glad I had the experience to recognize that at the time and accept it, instead of trying to change the situation I found a situation that was better suited to my needs and expectations.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
11:36 am

Amred- Just read your 10:47. I can’t speak for Melo, but it looks like it was more than boredom that made him leave. There are times when you just don’t feel it for a person and the fact that you are married does not make it so. People on the outside say it’s wrong and that you should stick it out, but if you try and it does not get better – well how long should you stay? After all the praying and counseling and talking – when is it “acceptable” to society that it just is not going to work? I don’t know, just throwing that out. I TOTALLY get that everything is not always going to be a bed of roses in a marriage and that feelings ebb & flow.

I don’t take marriage or the vows lightly. If I actually was serious enough about this person to marry them, beyond the obvious like abuse or cheating, I’m going to do everything I can to make it work. But I can’t do it alone. If the other person is not willing then…..

The whole “not having divorce as an escape clause” mindset, that you stay regardless, does not sit well with me. It feels suffocating. The idea that I am in something miserable that I can’t get out of, or that the other person is miserable with me, is probably what has kept me from getting married in the past. It may not seem right to others, but it’s how I feel and I confessed it on here before. The guy I am with now – the thought of marrying him does not bring on that suffocating feeling, so that’s how I know he may be the ONE.

I’m just not real impressed with longevity in a marriage if one or both were miserable most of the time. But that’s me.

For Real

August 27th, 2009
11:37 am

Grace: Examples please….

Ared: Thanks I can’t either

Scool: I’m not talking about your state, I’m talking about the statement “I not ok with being just ok in a relationship” but then turn and say “I’m ok with being single”. I don’t understand…

Melinda: I understand your point but when people are tired or have doubt about something they tend to focus on cause. Kinda like eating steak but telling yourself over and over it’s chicken. After a while it becomes chicken.

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
11:38 am

JMS Not much left to be desired if your (then) boyfriend condoned that sort of behavior huh? Makes you wonder about their ethics.

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
11:40 am

I’m just not real impressed with longevity in a marriage if one or both were miserable most of the time. But that’s me.

kimmie – I’m not either. And you shouldn’t be miserable most of the time. But there will be down periods. Some of them may last for years.

Yes, you don’t feel that your guy suffocates you now, but you could one day. Is that when you go looking for the out even after all these years of happieness?

For Real

August 27th, 2009
11:43 am

Lighten up. Lighten up. here you go:

An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal…

Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a closeby man, ” Can you help me point my penis” ?

The man reluctantly accepted but, decided not to look at the mans penis. After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, ” Hey! I’m grabbing it right”? ” So I should look, I have a right”!

He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hidious. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking. ” What the hell is wrong with it ?”

The “armless” man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says “I dunno, but, I ain’t touchin’ it either.”

Dream_n

August 27th, 2009
11:44 am

@ kimmie
totally agree with you… I’vw always said when I get married, I want to get married one time and only 1 time, but what if it doesn’t work… should I be force to stay in the realtionship when I’m literally miserable every day… I say NO… Relationships are complicated whether it be between you and your SO or friends or family. It all depends on what you want to deal with. I’d reather be happy with 3 “good” people in my life than 20 people that make my life a living hell!!!

Grace

August 27th, 2009
11:44 am

For Real are you serious? You’ve got to be kidding!

Dream_n

August 27th, 2009
11:47 am

@ Amazon R– So how long is the “down period” to last until you do say enough is enough??? Do you stay unhappy for 5 10 or even 20 yrs b4 its okay to be happy…. just askin?

SexyCool - Back to being Water.

August 27th, 2009
11:47 am

Well, hell, For Real – that’s MY answer to the question.

As to “not being okay with okay” in a relationship, sometimes, all you get to be is “okay”. Deal with it – much the same way you’re dealing with being “happy” single although you would welcome the right relationship.

Besides, happiness is personal. It’s from the inside out. Just be it. And don’t let anybody fck it up. IF they are, move on. Follow your bliss.

Now, dammit, I’m mad about y’all not being happy or okay or whatever the hell it is y’all are right now.

~laughing~

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
11:48 am

Kimmie – I am co-signing your post wholeheartedly. I remember going through my divorce and thinking “is this right, am I bailing on my marriage?” However one thing is true (my mother said this), only you and your spouse know what is really going on and everyones dealbreakers arent the same. So to sit back on the sidelines and tell someone “you should stay/work it out”…cant do it. Now Im not saying I would ecourage someone to leave however I wouldnt be forcing my opinion on them as to what to do. Staying for the sake of vows/kids/money isnt going to save your marriage if neither or one party isnt willing.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
11:49 am

Ms. Main- well, true. the reason why i just say “oh ok” and agree to it is because it really doesn’t matter to me. i do it for the sake of arguing because i don’t like arguing, and i am soooo not a confrontational person.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
11:52 am

SCool – yeah can we lighten the mood please!! LOL!

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
11:52 am

Mo- I agree with your 11:48.

*I’m sooo blah again today*.

Melinda

August 27th, 2009
11:52 am

For real….

Our society has become one that puts marriage in the same category as buying shoes. Wear a pair out and buy another. Sometimes you don’t even have to wear them out – just decide you no longer like the fit. I am really not sure why people sometimes bother to marry at all. They certainly don’t have the stick to it values that make a marriage work. I recently asked a friend of mine “Why are you getting married”? Her answer – cause I am getting older and no one else is asking… OMG… Her opinion is also that if it doesn’t work out and MEET HER NEEDS, she will just give him the boot. Disturbing on all levels. But this is a real mindset for a big group of people out there. I certainly don’t have all the answers and would never tell someone else what fits in their lives but it certainly is interesting to study human nature with regards to marriage. What makes it work and what doesn’t…

Melo

August 27th, 2009
11:54 am

but I think once you’re married you gotta find ways to make it work, especially if there isn’t cheating or violence going on

i believe that too,that a marriage has to be workd out,no matter how hard things look.
Even my marriage now is wrk,its not bliss eveday.
This one was diffrent.I was not mature enough,mentally, for marriage.I wanted the single lyfe more,i wasnt done yet with singlehood! :lol:

To be honest,when i got married,it was more becoz i was 28/29, my society considers guys that age to be ready, and i was frequently getting those qstions eve time i met smebody i regarded an elder in my fam,auntie or uncle,grandpa/grand uncle,”when do u settle down,when are u getting married?. I had a decent glfriend so marriage seemed a logical next step and i did it.Not so fast!
Thats why doing stuff becoz u wanna do it i.e. marriage, is so important.
Dont do it for any other reasons or other pple.Do u.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
11:56 am

SC- when you got divorced did the dude try to take any of your money or did u try to take his?

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
11:57 am

LOL @ “because I am getting older and no one else asked”. omg omg.

Dream_n

August 27th, 2009
11:58 am

@ Melinda,
I just don’t think people hold marriage in the same regard as they did “back in the day” which is sad… Marriage is sacred is is not to be taken lightly.. the vows are to be taken seriously… Now a days… it tends to be more for money… kids… or just b/c people like the thought of getting married ie: the cake, the dress,the reception hall, the party, honeymoon…… Its krazy.. When/If I get married I “hope” it’s forever:)

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
11:58 am

W8 said he was gonna marry me in 5 years *if” I am still available. LOL *shrugs*.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
11:59 am

But there will be down periods. Some of them may last for years.

Yes, you don’t feel that your guy suffocates you now, but you could one day. Is that when you go looking for the out even after all these years of happieness?

Amred – I can get that there will be down periods. There may be money, job, relationship issues, sickness, kid issues, etc. Life. I feel I got the strength to roll up my sleeves and fight to the end – if I really LOVE that person. But no, I don’t see me dealing with YEARS of NOT LOVING a man. I’m not talking a normal ebb & flow either. No. It would be the icing on the cake if we have to deal with other life issues.

This is me. I know me, when I love, I love hard. So when it’s gone it’s really gone.

Again I may have a mindset about relationships and marriage that may be a little unorthodox to some, but it’s how I feel. I’ve never married, but been in a loveless relationship that lasted years and why I stayed, I don’t know. I know a few people in marriages like that. The thought of being “trapped” in a marriage like that is terrifying to ME.

SexyCool - Back to being Water.

August 27th, 2009
12:00 pm

Page – when I got divorced, I was 25. He was 26. We didn’t have any money. *LOL*

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
12:01 pm

Dream_n why didn’t u get married to ole dude? u have a kid together and live together.

Kym

August 27th, 2009
12:01 pm

Mannnn the sun is shining..why in the world is it raining on the blog..

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
12:03 pm

LOL SexyCool. What? no money? I thought u would have at least $____k between the two of you. lol rofl.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
12:04 pm

And to add Ared, in my current marriage, im more inclined to want to wrk things out if smething is bugging me coz i know this is what i really want.
So therefore,the reaon to want to sort things out is there becoz im really signed for the long whole.
‘Small’ stuff dont bother me coz my value system is elevated.

Compelling

August 27th, 2009
12:05 pm

Lol @ Kym. This makes me want to put on some Marvin Gaye. I guess this topic is a sad one. :-(

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
12:05 pm

Mayne Im tripping on the people that arent married commenting on marriage. If you havent been married.. Shut up about it you have no advice to give a married person.

Dan

August 27th, 2009
12:08 pm

@Melo

I get that “settle down” question from family, friends, and dates alike. Me being me, I simply state that I’ve yet to find the right woman. If pressed further: see above.

Usually, the look on my face (to those that know me well) says enough after the 2nd or 3rd variation on that theme.

If pressed further though, as politely as I can I state: “How about this? How about we let me be responsible for my life, and you for yours? Can we agree to that?”

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
12:09 pm

I said earlier and I’ll say it again – I’ll do everything IN MY POWER to make it work. But if he’s not willing or after trying I’m still miserable I’m out. This is me.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
12:11 pm

Now on topic.. You know its over when youve had enough to get somewhere else. You can say youre done but youre not until you change your situation, meaning get out of the current situation.

I knew my relationship was over before it was over but it was 3 times it slapped me.. When in the lawyers office filing, when in the mediators room fighting over assets and then when the divorce papers were signed.. I realized my EX was selfish but I felt like I could deal with it, but there are moments where I told my friends im out but never left but that one day came and I broke north.. Filed, moved and got a new spot in a week.. Yeah I went and stayed with my parents of all places for a night and a hotel the rest of the week until my place was ready because I had had enough and knew I had to go and I was never coming back.. You will know it when that time comes, no friend, family memeber can tell you.. YOU will know..

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
12:12 pm

Page1908 – you are funny!

Melinda – I agree with your post as well.

Dream_n

August 27th, 2009
12:13 pm

@ Page:
Not a valid reason for marriage lol… I’m not “in love ” with him anymore…

It is getting kinda “down”

I HAVE A QUESTION… WHAT WOULD BE A DEAL BREAKER (IN A RELATIONSHIP) THAT YOU WOULD NOT PUT UP WITH?? (besides cheating)

W8©

August 27th, 2009
12:13 pm

“you gotta knowww when to hold them..know when to fold them…know when to walk away…know when to run..”

If I really care about a person I will ask “what is going on?” to that person directly….I dont go consulting everyone else…I need to here what is up from her mouth….thats if I care…If my heart is not to deep in it I will just pull back and let it slip away…..no harm no foul…..

Now what gets me is when people so called “fold them” why do they care what the person is doing after the “folding” I mean if you are truly over someone you dont care if they have a new man or new woman..or what their facebook status update is….even if you still make comments or you act a certain way when that persons name is mentioned or you see them..you really havent “folded”

I remember my ex-wife after we divorced..I would see her in Church and she would turn up her face or say something real extra or would talk about me to other folks…I told her she still had feelings for me…she asked why do I think that…I said cuz I can see you say Hello and keep it moving…whereas you have to do something extra and if you were all the way over everything you would not still be acting out in some form or the other….

When you fold them..fold them and dont look back.

Treading Water in Atlanta

August 27th, 2009
12:13 pm

We all have needs and we are each responsible for getting our own needs met. It is no other person’s responsibility but our own.I have been married twice and both times to the wrong person for the wrong reason.

I married the first time because I did not want to go through life alone and she looked good. Found out she used rage and guilt to control others just like she learned from watching her mom as she grew up. She was violent and intimidating too. When I realized I would be happier alone than with a physically attractive psycho bitch I got out. It was a growth experience.

Married a second time a few years later. She looked like a French model. She was perfect.Boy was she perfect. Don’t believe it? Just ask her. Look up the term “self control” on the web and you may see her picture. Found out that the perfect thing included throwing up twice a day after minimal food intake. Also included several hours of mindless exercise so she could wear a size 4 jeans from the little boys department at Macy’s that she told me about with this proud sick smile on her face. Used to get up in the middle of the night and go running 5 miles. The risk didn’t matter.

She ended up without having periods and screwing up her electrolytes to the point that she could not make sense having a normal conversation. She told me I was overweight and unattractive. I was 6 foot tall and 180 pounds. I told her that I could not live up to her expectations and that she deserved better. I gave her a divorce so she could find someone more perfect for her. Good luck.

I have dated some women since and cut them loose, although looking back there were a couple that I should have kept because the chemistry was there and I loved them, but there were minor issues and I was skittish. But perhaps I am better off for letting them go too.

Others were clingers. I could have walked into the room naked with a condom on, a bottle of booze, and a whip and they would not have said a word because they did not want to loose the relationship. Strange needy women.

As I said we are all responsible for getting our own needs met. I know better what I need from a woman now. There needs to be physical chemistry and sexual attraction. I also need a woman with affection, honesty, warmth, kind communication, responsibility, common sense, and a sense of humor. Someone who enjoys fun. Unfortunately there do not seem to be that many of those around.

Mostly I see women who are like adult children, with an overgrown sense of entitlement. They are more interested in the kind of car I drive and where they want me to take them for dinner or on a trip than they are with knowing me as a person or having something healthy and mutually supportive. I blow them off and walk away hoping the other guys do too.

I used to not understand why guys would pay for sex or want a one night stand. Now I know.

I have pretty much given up on the women in Atlanta. I won’t live here that much longer. I’m planning on moving to a smaller town soon. Maybe the women there will be different in a good way. In the meantime I have a dog. She is capable of showing more love, affection, and appreciation than any woman I have ever met.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
12:14 pm

Sorry about the typos and run ons.. I was hurrying to get a thought out..

Melo

August 27th, 2009
12:15 pm

JMS..Good post,Good luck!

Kym

August 27th, 2009
12:15 pm

Sometimes I wonder by the look in youx eyes
When I’m standing beside you there’s a fever burning deep inside.
Is there another in your memory
Do you think of that someone when you hear that special melody?
I always stop and think of you especially
When the words of a love song touch the very heart of me.
There’ll be sad songs to make you cry -Love songs often do.
They can touch the heart of someone new -Saying I love you. I love you
I often wonder how it could be – you loving me -
Two hearts in perfect harmony.I’ll count the hours until that day
The rhapsody plays a melody for you and me.
Until the moment that you give your love to me
You’re the one I care for the one that I will wait for.
There’ll be sad songs to make you cry – -Love songs often do.
They can touch the heart of someone new -Saying I love you.

Dream_n

August 27th, 2009
12:16 pm

Im tripping on the people that arent married commenting on marriage. If you havent been married.. Shut up about it you have no advice to give a married person
@ DKMayne– What about a person thats been together 5- 10 years but don’t have the paper…. Should they shut up too lol

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
12:16 pm

INFAMOUS – you said it best, you just know when its time to bail. I remember my ex going out of town and I actually said to my cousin/BFF “if he nevers comes back, never says another word to me I wont be mad or miss him”. I knew then that I was done! I still tried to fight but then one day he said “i’ve already lost you havent I?” Yep.

For Real

August 27th, 2009
12:16 pm

I keep hearing the ladies talk about misery. Give me examples of misery to yall. Yeah even you Grace.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
12:19 pm

omg that was a longggggggggggggggggg post. *eyes crossed*

Melo

August 27th, 2009
12:22 pm

Dan, i grew up in a cultural society thats waay diff that american society.
Its way more pressure over there than here as far as that issue is concerned coz most guys my age wld be getting married.And besides hearing those comments from respected folks of urs, u hear that from other ordanaty folks too, unrelated.Beaing an adult male and a spinister is like being a leper…u kinda get looked down on.
The pressure gets to u so u end up doing what seems natural.
A lot of immigrants who come to the states married end up divorcing coz while here,either the men or women assume a whole different kinda of liberation that they cldnt enjoy while overseas in their countries of birth.
The american dream beckons itself to pple in soooo many diffnt ways!

Melo

August 27th, 2009
12:22 pm

ordanaty??

ordinary…..

W8©

August 27th, 2009
12:24 pm

@Page- I saw that 5 year thing..you are funny

Hmm I am never friends with an ex- that makes no sense to me…but that just me..either we are all or nothing…

I do think people think that there is always an out when they get married…and that should not be a marriage minded attitude…if you are all in be all in and give your best….I always tell people it’s hard to maintain a marriage or relationship in Atlanta because if you are easily distracted or have no self-discipline..you are in trouble…

Melo

August 27th, 2009
12:29 pm

They are more interested in the kind of car I drive and where they want me to take them for dinner or on a trip than they are with knowing me as a person or having something healthy and mutually supportive. I blow them off and walk away hoping the other guys do too

thats there is mature!

Ur last paragraph??,proly an angry rant.
Good luck!

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
12:30 pm

LOL ok Dream_n, so you had a kid with ole dude, live with ole dude, but shudder at the thought of marriage to ole dude? this what i don’t get.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
12:31 pm

LOL W8- you might be boo’d up by then, so i guess i don’t have a chance. *sad face*.

Grace

August 27th, 2009
12:31 pm

For Real for me misery is the passing of a love one before their time. Unexpected death is always miserable.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
12:33 pm

I remember my Grandfather looking at me when he was in the last stages Alzhiemers, like what are you doing even though he didnt know.. Or maybe it was just the shame of it all.. My Grandfather always said a man keeps his family together no matter what.. My family doesnt believe in divorce and when my cousin and I got divorces a few years apart they looked at us real funny..

W8©

August 27th, 2009
12:33 pm

If you have had a kid with a man…and been with him for more than three years and living together…I do not think that he will ever be inclined to marry you…but hell you are damn near married already..

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
12:35 pm

Dream-n – Yeah you should because if dude was gonna marry you he would have, but he doesnt have too because ya’ll live together and ya’ll have a child.. He feels like he got you now.. Sorry but I have to tell you the truth.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
12:39 pm

Dream-n – also Babe if its this hard now before the marriage.. You are a perfect candidate to end up in divorce court. Again Sorry..

MArriage is not going to magically solve any problems you have. Marriage will magnify them because now you will mos def see the real person.. And if I said once I will say it a thousand times.. These words “But now youre my husband” and “But now youre my wife” are dangerous words. The expectation from those words alone is tremendous.

Dan

August 27th, 2009
12:39 pm

@Melo

I am confronted with “pressure” all the time. I’ve not given in to any presseure thus far in life and won’t now.

When I have expanded conversations about my love life, I gladly tell the person to whom I am speaking that I won’t get married for any reason other than the love of that woman. Won’t be having kids (or trying not to) until I’m married. Thus, finding the woman with whom I choose to settle down with is not an easy task in this “instant gratification” society.

So when people I respect ask that question, they only ask once. Because of the mutual respect (and the expounded answer) they know me well enough to leave well enough alone.

W8©

August 27th, 2009
12:39 pm

@Page- If I am single in 5 years..I dont want to be married….I will be living my life to the fullest by myself…thats to old for me to be trying to learn some new woman….playa..playa

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
12:40 pm

Yep, I agree. Do you know your chances of getting married are slim to none when you live with the dude? of course, this is not “always” the case, but more often than not it is. in my undergrad sociology classes there was a ton of research on this. I agree with W8 and DK at 12: 33 and 12:35.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
12:42 pm

….I always tell people it’s hard to maintain a marriage or relationship in Atlanta

Its hard to maintain a marriage,PERIOD and dot!

Atlanta,Havana,New dehli,Paris,Joburg,anywhere.There are more beautiful pple all over in the wrld and those are not the only distractions,mind u.

Marriage is hard work! Dont take it lightly.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
12:42 pm

Page1908 – the situation you mentioned w Dream_n, people do it all the time. Not saying its right but it happens.

Infamous/W8 – I agree with ya’ll

W8©

August 27th, 2009
12:43 pm

Move to a place with less distractions..or marry someone from one of those areas…

Hell I know marriage is hardwork..I spent 9 years in one

W8©

August 27th, 2009
12:44 pm

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
12:44 pm

W8- *sad face*. ok. yeah you are kinda gettin up there in age LOL.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
12:45 pm

Mo- Girl, you know it does happen all the time.

W8©

August 27th, 2009
12:45 pm

Let’s play housee..let’s play houseeeee…you can be the momma..i can be the daddy…..”- Nate Dogg

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
12:46 pm

LOL W8 I used to like that song! I *heart* west coast rap. lol

W8©

August 27th, 2009
12:47 pm

@Page- yep I am giving it two more years total..after that it’s a wrap..

Chink

August 27th, 2009
12:48 pm

Since when is marriage some secret society….Plenty examples or good and bad marriages …don’t need to be a genius to figure it out.

Misery – is being with a controlling, selfish, inconsiderate, disrepectful person. Sometimes it takes a while to see this pattern.

W8©

August 27th, 2009
12:48 pm

“i just wanna phuuuck you..no kissin and huggin..cuz you got a husband who loves…you…I dont need your quality time…”–Tha Dogg Pound

“ZIIIIPPP!!!”– For Real

Melo

August 27th, 2009
12:49 pm

I am confronted with “pressure” all the time

i hear u but this here america is a land where sme kid does sme stupid
in a bus and everybody keeps quiet,outa respect for their rights etc and for fear too.
Not so in those other lands,pple speak up whether its their bizz or not and if u reply in a not so kind way,u may be on the receiving end urslef,the “good” party.If u have never lived in a third wrld cntry be4,then u dont understand the kind of pressure im alluding to.
Here, pple are kind,they dont mess up with ur bizz for the most part.They have “civilized” respect(in a western sense) not to mess in ur bizz.
Third wrld, my friend is not about all that! If u grow up in it, u become part of it, in a way,thats the pressure i mean.
And that may not necessarily be good for u,in the long run.

W8©

August 27th, 2009
12:50 pm

Do any of you with Blackberry’s get sick of that darn “hourglass” when you need to make a call?

Dan

August 27th, 2009
12:52 pm

@Melo

I feel you.

I’m slightly to “American” for the pressure you tombout. They’da murked me at like 8.

NBF

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
12:52 pm

Marriage really aint about pretty people because most beautiful people are single..

Its about coming together as one and making it happen. Im at a stage where I want a chick who is gonna treat me right. If she’s not deemed as attractive as people are used to, then tough because Im gonna be a smiling hand holding a$$ walking round here. If my babe will put this bread together, live off one income, treat my son as her own, can communicate about anything and she makes my homelife happy then to h3ll what anyone thinks about her because I will love her till the cows come home in the morning.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
12:53 pm

LOL omg W8- remember when Demi said to you “when i get your age i hope i look as good as you”! omg that was totally rad! huh, huh, huh, huh. lmao.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
12:54 pm

Chink – Marriage is not a secret society but I will tell you this.. Before I got married I swore to people I would never be divorced because Imma make my marriage work at all costs.. HMph!.. I have to laugh at myself because Marriage is way different than dating. They are not even on the same level period.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
12:55 pm

Well alrighty then INFAMOUS!! ^5!

Marriage is CONSTANT work……

dream_n

August 27th, 2009
12:57 pm

lol @ all the comments b/c noone knows the situation….

1st — I do not want to get married to him.
2nd— Has he brought up the idea of marriage.. YES
3rd– Have I turned it down “YES”
Is he still in love YES amd I still in love NO
There…

I was 18 when we met, not saying when you’re 18 you’re not mature… but i wasn’t thinking about long term… I was happy just having a boyfriend. NOw that I’m older, I realize that I can’t see myself being wife to this man. Anger issues is number 1. It’s easy for people who are not in the situation to comment and say well just get out… so not that easy way more complicated(at the time) Now I feel as though I’ve grown and I’m ready to make ME & my daughter happy. Yeah istakes have been made, but you learn from them and you move on.. Moving in was to give my daughter a foundation of a mother and father, I thought that was the right thing to do. When things didnt get bettr but worst… I realized okay thi didi’t work for us time to for a better plan.
So yes at the end of the day did i make some no so good decisions, “YES”. I think we all have. THe good thing is that we learn and we continue forward on the best path… luv yall though:)

dream_n

August 27th, 2009
12:59 pm

Mann i’m writing so fast i have typo errors lol…

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
1:03 pm

Dream-n – Aint nobody beating you up no one here is perfect.. You did what you thought was right at the time.. However.. You are in a complicated situation but you will know when its time. People used to tell me that all the time, to the point where they didnt want to hear it anymore. Not until I had my Tina Turner moment was I out.. Yeah and dudes can have a Tina Turner moment where dont nothing matter but getting the h3ll on..

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
1:05 pm

Dream_n how old are you now?

W8©

August 27th, 2009
1:05 pm

@Dream_n- You dont have to explain yourself we all know that things are situational..we just comment on what you type…

@Page- Yeah I remember saying that..I think it was a combination of hmm lookin at all of my family and personal pictures and referencing the different things I have done in life.and yall meeting one of my younger brothers…geesh I am only 35..i will be 36 in a few months…now I am going to go shave off my mustache and goatee..so that I can show my babyface…but yeah he caught me off guard with that one…lmao

dream_n

August 27th, 2009
1:07 pm

@ The infamous DK–

I hear ya lol… I dont consider the comment beating me up.. I actually find some comments very funny and some very insightful….

W8©

August 27th, 2009
1:08 pm

@DK- I know that “moment” that you are talking about…a guy will get to a point and be like “phluck it..let the the chips fall where they want” and be out I will just deal with it later

W8©

August 27th, 2009
1:09 pm

“you gotta knowww when to hold them..know when to fold them…know when to walk away…know when to run..”

If I really care about a person I will ask “what is going on?” to that person directly….I dont go consulting everyone else…I need to here what is up from her mouth….thats if I care…If my heart is not to deep in it I will just pull back and let it slip away…..no harm no foul…..

Now what gets me is when people so called “fold them” why do they care what the person is doing after the “folding” I mean if you are truly over someone you dont care if they have a new man or new woman..or what their facebook status update is….even if you still make comments or you act a certain way when that persons name is mentioned or you see them..you really havent “folded”

I remember my ex-wife after we divorced..I would see her in Church and she would turn up her face or say something real extra or would talk about me to other folks…I told her she still had feelings for me…she asked why do I think that…I said cuz I can see you say Hello and keep it moving…whereas you have to do something extra and if you were all the way over everything you would not still be acting out in some form or the other….

When you fold them..fold them and dont look back.

Chink

August 27th, 2009
1:10 pm

DK – it better be different than dating! I understand the variables in marriage…that’s probably why I havent been married already. But just because I haven’t been married doesn’t mean I don’t know how big of a deal it is. Marriage can be a beautiful thing though lets not forget there is a bright side.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
1:11 pm

Lmao W8- yeah i know. u do have a babyface (sweetface) lol. *pinching cheeks*

W8©

August 27th, 2009
1:20 pm

I am really going to thru this cell phone onto 285

W8©

August 27th, 2009
1:21 pm

Hey does anyone know what channel Vick will be playing on tonight?if Check ESPN, NFL Network, Fox and ABC….hellllppppp mee!!!!

W8©

August 27th, 2009
1:22 pm

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
1:26 pm

W8- What kind of trouble are you having with your phone?

Grace

August 27th, 2009
1:30 pm

5^ DK @12:52 you’re so on point there.

Compelling

August 27th, 2009
1:31 pm

Singing…”So I think we need to let it go…looks like another love TKO” I’ve been listening to oldies all day.

W8©

August 27th, 2009
1:32 pm

@Kimmie- I have to just add more memory to it..this darn hourglass just loves to pop up and I am tired of doing hard resets

W8©

August 27th, 2009
1:32 pm

@Compelling- Thats a good song…just let it go…….

Dream_n

August 27th, 2009
1:35 pm

@ Page1908– I’ll be 24 at this year’s end…

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
1:44 pm

W8 – latest Ive heard the game isnt being televised….Sorry Sap Suckas

Dan

August 27th, 2009
1:45 pm

@W8

I think it’s a misnomer to say “don’t look back”. You don’t look back with animosity; you don’t look back with regret; you don’t look back longing (for a second chance, etc.).

But looking back at a relationship and the person you shared time with is not something to be disdained. Esp. if the reflection yields positive results in self improvement.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
1:47 pm

Dream_n,24 yrs old??

u stil very young,get out and quick so that u can repair ur lyfe.
Make sure u take precautions so that u dont end up in a duffel bag..but there is no reason to stay on with that misery.

W8©

August 27th, 2009
1:48 pm

@Dan- when i said let it go I mean…at the point you are out of it..be out of it..let the emotional go..one would be stupid if they didnt learn from the experience..whether it be good or bad

SexyCool - Back to being Water.

August 27th, 2009
1:49 pm

Page – I saw that 1203p. You stoopid. ~LMAO~

Kym

August 27th, 2009
1:50 pm

Hey does anyone know what channel Vick will be playing on tonight?if Check ESPN, NFL Network, Fox and ABC….hellllppppp mee!!!!<<<<Not a network game..now if you live in Philly it will be on the local ABC channel there.

Kym

August 27th, 2009
1:53 pm

You can listen to the game online if you have a field pass too.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
2:03 pm

Oh its time for football??

I really like it when Donovan Mcnab used to play for the Tampa Bay Bucs :lol: :mrgreen:

Dream_n

August 27th, 2009
2:07 pm

Footbal Season:)
New QB… New Outlook
Go BEARS!!!

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
2:10 pm

@ Amazon R– So how long is the “down period” to last until you do say enough is enough??? Do you stay unhappy for 5 10 or even 20 yrs b4 its okay to be happy…. just askin?

Dreams – What does “okay to be happy” mean? Does happiness only come from other people or something?

Kym-Dick LeBeau Class of 2010

August 27th, 2009
2:12 pm

@Melo Huh???

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
2:17 pm

And to add Ared, in my current marriage, im more inclined to want to wrk things out if smething is bugging me coz i know this is what i really want.

melo – Thanks for answering by the way. I like what you said here.

I mean, I know one of the reasons I’m not married is because I can’t marry just for any old reason like some people do. It’s such a huge step. I guess, I’m just saying, I wouldn’t let any outside pressures force me into doing something I know I wasn’t feeling in my heart.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
2:20 pm

@Melo Huh???

I mean, Kym, if Tony Dungie had stayed in Miami, u think Mcnab wld still be there??

:lol: :mrgreen:

Angie

August 27th, 2009
2:22 pm

morning guys!

@Prof
we can share MV7. i don’t mind. :o )

@Page
david can’t help you with your costume, but i say go with Gypsy. very sexy!

Melo

August 27th, 2009
2:23 pm

wouldn’t let any outside pressures force me into doing something I know I wasn’t feeling in my heart

thats a really good thing.
Stick to ur guns and do what makes u happy, i think thats the key.

Kym-Dick LeBeau Class of 2010

August 27th, 2009
2:23 pm

Wisey do you think we could insert an iggy button or a bs beeper..that way when folks say off the wall shiggdy we can call foul and delete them. Melo I am in no mood to entertain your jackazz behavior today.

SexyCool - Back to being Water.

August 27th, 2009
2:25 pm

At this point in my life, as much as I would like to be in a solid relationship and be married, it scares the sht out of me.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
2:29 pm

it scares the sht out of me.

why darling??

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
2:32 pm

SCool – I feel the same way at your 2:25

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
2:35 pm

SCool – Means you don’t take it lightly. That’s a good thing, I think. I take it serious too.

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
2:41 pm

Stepping in before I take a nap.

@Rell ***How does this same logic apply to those that say “I’m okay with being single”?**
Even the analogy you gave about work has never applied to me. Sure I have had a few jobs that I did not care for. I left those jobs and moved on. I am happy with who I am and love my life whether I am rolling solo or as a duet. So at the end of the day I am beyond okay with being single because I am happy and my life is full. Will I settle in a relationship? Hell no! (Sorry it took so long to respond).

@Angie…thanks for sharing MV7 with me!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
2:44 pm

Chink – Baby doll I know there are beautiful marriages out there.. I have friends that are happily married that are so disgusting they will feel on each other in front of you.. These couple are the only reason I still believe in marriage.. the only reason I even discuss it because I see that you can be happily married. I just be darned if I end up like Al Bundy..

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
2:46 pm

SCOOL – I completely feel you on that 2:25 quote..

I got the ish wrong once and honestly dont want to be a 2 or 3 time loser..

Tazzee

August 27th, 2009
2:46 pm

For Real Not sure if any of the ladies answered your question – but in my opinion, being ok with being single but not being ok while in a relationship is kind of like the ‘I can do bad all by myself’ theory.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
2:46 pm

SCool – I feel the same way at your 2:25

are u still hurting Mo (aka Moeisha)????

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
2:47 pm

I got the ish wrong once and honestly dont want to be a 2 or 3 time loser..

:lol:

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
2:50 pm

Tazzee – I answered. I answered with I think it’s not logical thinking!

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
2:51 pm

One negative to marriage is somebody talking when you are trying to sleep.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
2:51 pm

Melo – LOL! No not hurting. I never thought I would be a divorcee and I just want to get it right, have my forever with one man, not broken up into sagas. The starting over thing is a beast.

Infamous – once again, agreed

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
2:51 pm

can anyone score me some tickets to see my Chargers play the Falcons?

Dan

August 27th, 2009
2:53 pm

@Tazz

Incidently TP next movie title…..”I can do bad all by myself”

Really?

SexyCool - Back to being Water.

August 27th, 2009
2:54 pm

Kimmie is on the right track with it. Marriage is freaking serious. So many people enter into it like it’s fun and games. It’s LIFE CHANGING. And I really like the life I have right now.

But more than that, what Andy wanted to talk about earlier. I really want to REALLY LOVE SOMEONE AND HAVE THEM REALLY LOVE ME BACK – all the way. Without games and bvllsht and trying to wonder if he’s going to have my back and is he cheating and will he leave when the going gets tough or something shiny catches his eye.

I just want to love a man with all of my heart that is made to love him in a way that a woman should love a man and give me that back. I know that men and women love different. It’s okay to love different, just love me all the way. And have them love me for me, flaws and all, not for who they think I should be or want me to be or are pushing me to be. JUST ME!!!!

And making changes to the really cool life that I have right now to take a risk on that is ABSOLUTELY FREAKING TERRIFYING.

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
2:54 pm

Dan I think that was name of his first or second stage show. Now he is making it into a movie.

Leggs

August 27th, 2009
2:55 pm

Hello everyone!

Just got back from volunteering at The Samaritan House. A place where they feed the homeless. We cooked, took their orders (the experience of a real restaurant (Cafe 458)), did the dishes. Even swept and mopped the facility when we were done. Well, I didn’t mop. It was quite interesting and extremely rewarding.

Scared to ask, but what’s the topic?

Tazzee

August 27th, 2009
2:55 pm

it scares the sht out of me.

Me too SexyCool – it’s like I’m on Cloud 999 and then I start to hyperventilate at the thought that I’m going to be someone’s wife! Then I get all warm on the inside because my fiance’ is so wonderful.

W8 It’s being re-aired on NFLN tonight at 11pm.

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
2:55 pm

WISEY, can you link this in to pop up whenever we talk about settling? you are pretending to be happy, when you are really just happy not to be alone. Cuz blog dudes never seem to grasp what most of us consider to be the definition, and I think this is it.

If someone does more to detract from your light than embellish it, let them go. “Family,” “Friend,” “Fuhh Buddy,” whomever… While I try not to live life with regrets, I get real irked at me when I let my light be dimmed for too long. One thing I don’t understand is the tendency to put simple dating, ocassional mating on the same level as marriage. You can be a truly happy person who is single and unwilling to be in a lackluster void of a relationship. Or you get into a relationship, find out you’re doing too much of the work and bail, and it’s fine. Because I believe you need to store your reserves for when it counts the most. I may be willing to put in lots of work to be someone’s girlfriend. But Marriage is the Holy Grail of relationships. So if I ever make that promise to God, myself and my man; I’m fully prepared to be tapping into hidden reserves of strength, patience, love, etcetera that exceed anything I’d put into girlfriendship. 100% would not be the max.

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
2:56 pm

It’s LIFE CHANGING

SexyCool that’s what I was thinking. It’s your life and someone’s that you are dealing with. I love being married to my husband. And I love being married. But it ain’t no joke. And it’s more than a notion.

Dan

August 27th, 2009
2:57 pm

Why does “Every little thing I do” make me wanna skate?

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
2:58 pm

Hey DREAM_N. What’s the disconnect between you wanting to throw deuces and actually throwin em? Seems like you’re staying out of familiarity more than anything else. I’ve only read you this week, tho. In case you haven’t read me, I’m not from the camp that believes money, kids, just don’t wanna be alone are plausible reasons to stay in the thick of some bs where unhappiness is the common denominator.

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
3:01 pm

then I start to hyperventilate…then I get all warm on the inside because

Tazzee the best and most exciting thing about a roller coaster is the hills, loops and turns. Very exciting. IMO when you find your self on that one flatlined plain the excitement is gone. The boredom and mundane sets in and it usually dies soon after. Even when the two individuals are still residing under the same roof the relationship can be dead.

SexyCool - Back to being Water.

August 27th, 2009
3:01 pm

And do you know it took me THIRTY-SIX YEARS to really like THIS life? Okay, Now I’m being a bit extra, but y’all feel me.

The other thing that terrifies me…………is that I won’t be able to lose these last 8 pounds to get to my goal weight because of my outta control sweet tooth and night time eating. But that’s a-whole-nother Oprah.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
3:03 pm

outta control sweet tooth and night time eating.

SCool – Me too. They are my undoing.

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
3:04 pm

love me all the way

Over in ChaPan one of the mods likes to point out words and phrases that would make good on a t-shirt. That there is one. “Love me all the way”

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
3:06 pm

@Dream_N, I cannot phantom being that unhappy in a relationship. My parents were friends with a married couple years ago. Recently my mom shared with me that the wife changed jobs (without her husband knowing), and left him. She moved out and left him only with a Dear John letter. I know I do not have the energy to deal with “ok” or “settling” either I am going to work on it or I am going to bounce.

Chink

August 27th, 2009
3:06 pm

love me for me, flaws and all, not for who they think I should be or want me to be or are pushing me to be. JUST ME!!!! *EXACTLY!!!*

So if I ever make that promise to God, myself and my man; I’m fully prepared to be tapping into hidden reserves of strength, patience, love, etcetera that exceed anything I’d put into a relationship. 100% would not be the max. *I understand COMPLETELY*

For Real

August 27th, 2009
3:06 pm

my outta control sweet tooth and night time eating. – Zipppppppppp! Black Cake!!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
3:08 pm

SCool/Kimmie – LOL @ the munching at night but I so feel ya’ll! Those Cookie Co cookies would not stop calling me so I had to indulge. SIGH

SCool – I love my life now too! Not so much the single part but everything else. So to incorporate something so tedious is scary, its different this time than before. Also I want to love HARD and have it reciprocated as well. So on that we are >>>HERE<<<

SexyCool - Back to being Water.

August 27th, 2009
3:09 pm

Kimmie – LOL. Babygirl, my sweet tooth is my constant reminder that I will have to work out as long as I live….or…as long as I plan to be SexyCool. ~more laughing~

For Real

August 27th, 2009
3:09 pm

“love me for me, flaws and all, not for who they think I should be or want me to be or are pushing me to be. JUST ME!!!! *EXACTLY!!!*” – Does that mean you will stop growing, stop working on your flaws and all? Who wants to be with something stuck in time?

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
3:09 pm

@Leggs I am jealous you are over there volunteering. Seriously I love helping others and realizing that my “problems” are not so bad after all.

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
3:09 pm

In some small village in Mexico a zipper is being made right now that is going to one day jam that black cake.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
3:10 pm

Dream_n, yeah you’re still a baby!

SexyCool - Back to being Water.

August 27th, 2009
3:11 pm

For RealDoes that mean you will stop growing, stop working on your flaws and all?

Are you seriously asking me, Miss Three Words Daily, THAT question? Seriously?

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
3:11 pm

@Rell, good question on that 3:09

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
3:11 pm

SexyCool and Mo – What is the reason why it took you in your 30s to love your life? Was it because you had expectations that didn’t match reality? Was it because of unfulfilled dreams and/or plans?

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
3:12 pm

opps I meant For Real

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
3:12 pm

Professor – Why do you keep calling For Real Rell?

For Real

August 27th, 2009
3:12 pm

Prof: So, what can I do for you today?

Chick: Well I was trying to steal my neighbor’s window unit air condition when the cord wrapped around my leg pulled me out the window with it.

Prof: DAYUMMM!!! I’m glad my life is better than yours!

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
3:13 pm

In some small village in Mexico a zipper is being made right now that is going to one day jam that black cake.

bwah ha ha

Melo

August 27th, 2009
3:13 pm

MO/SexyCool, I got the secret to making sure u dont make a mistake…AGAIN:

1. date him and be friends with him but dont phluck him
2. enquire about his mom and dad and his siblings and find out,”intelligently” how all his pple have handled marriages.

3 make sure u are invited to be around those his pple and observe how they interact,if they are married etc.If there is no drama,ur chances are good,if there is drama in some or most of them,its 5050 u divorce too.
4. listen carefully to the family conversations..that shld give u a good read of whetherr urs may be successful or not

5. the problem u ladies make is being caught up in the emotions of luving a men,usually,after sleeping with him. If u have to,tough it up then,luv like a man.If it dont seem good,it is not good,drop him even after a good phluckk.

6. Dont take excuses..by the age of 35,a man must have it tgether,education,good job,decent car,a reasonable portfolio and house!This is america!

7. keep a keen eye on the company he keeps,thats who he is like,neva mind the smoke screen.

8. take time to visit his house,observe how often the phone rings or if it does at all.If the home phone is quiet all the time,girrrrrl,u beeing tricked.If hes cell phone neva rings,u being tricked!

9. always leave one pair of ur underwear in the bathroom closet,where he least expects to find it. :lol:

10.Neva ask a man abouyt marriage but listen to hear if he eva mentiones the wrd,if not about u 2,about other pple and what does he say.

If u get a 8 on this exam..go ahead,its a wrap!

For Real

August 27th, 2009
3:14 pm

Are you seriously asking me, Miss Three Words Daily, THAT question? Seriously? – I can’t here you do you need a microphone?

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
3:14 pm

Angie, ok yeah a gypsy would be cute. I’m still trying to decide because it’s probably gonna be really cold here on Halloween because last year it was freeeezing! Right now, my ideas are wonder woman or strawberry shortcake.

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
3:14 pm

Does that mean you will stop growing, stop working on your flaws and all?

ForReal that’s a good point. However loving me inspite of my flaws means that you will not judge or criticize me concerning them during my time of growth. IMO.

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
3:14 pm

RAQI ;) You gonna make the man start wearing velcro pants. P.S. How’s being back to work?

For Real

August 27th, 2009
3:15 pm

“In some small village in Mexico a zipper is being made right now that is going to one day jam that black cake.” – But today is not that day.. Zippp… put the baby down first

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
3:16 pm

melo – I actually appreciate you for your 3:13. Good job.

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
3:16 pm

@Ared…not paying attention because it is only a blog and my mind is elsewhere.

@For Real (I think I got it right this time) yep that is how I see it…Dayummm I am glad I am not in that boat. It keeps me grounded

Kym-Dick LeBeau Class of 2010

August 27th, 2009
3:16 pm

@Sexy I can understand your fear. I don’t have so much fear(well maybe a bit) as I am just flat out selfish. I want to share my life but only up to a certain point. I have things just like I like them..I do for the most part what I like, and frankly I don’t even want to share the boy with someone else(My aunties have a field day with that one)
Because while I value love and affection (blah blah)… I will do as I see fit when I want to. I don’t want to explain my reasoning for why I do the quirky things I do..my attitude is “You can get with this or you can get with that. A guy friend(lover) told me recently, “I love you but I can’t give you what you want.” My first reaction was to punch him..but after two days (and really I am so getting better on temper management) I called him and said wait a minute..”You said you can’t give me what I want, first off I didn’t ask you for anything because.. hell I don’t even know what I want..so how do you know what I want and if you do know.. how about letting me in on it?”

SexyCool - Back to being Water.

August 27th, 2009
3:18 pm

ARed – because it took me that freakin’ long to stop looking for happiness outside of myself – in temporary things, in the approval of other people, in what I thought was love.

I learned gratitude for the blessings that I have and the ones that I know are coming.

I have recovered from most of the financial mistakes of my 20’s and I am also now am basicly debt free, can afford my lifestyle with relative ease and have all of my needs met and an acceptable number of wants satisfied.

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
3:18 pm

ZULU You’ve been kinder and gentler lately. Offering pearls of wisdom instead of pearls of uhm… Anyway, I’m taking that as a sign that you’re gonna try to trick Queen into keeping you and the small ceremony plans are underway.

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
3:19 pm

Melo thanks for sharing that list…

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
3:19 pm

@TwoLincolns – Being back to work is fine. It’s nights like last night that I am got to get used to again.

I swear that baby has been sleeping fine during the night but the minute I return to work and need a full night’s sleep she wants to be up throughout the night. Not to mention her dad talking about what on the television. She is sleeping in her room now so maybe that’s part of the problem.(End of small rant)

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
3:20 pm

Melo – I like your list, especially #6. No excuses! I see people come here with nothing but a dream, work hard & do well. Get up & get moving and make it happen!

#9 I don’t know about!LOL!!

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
3:20 pm

SexyCool – Very deep. Thanks for answering!

SexyCool - Back to being Water.

August 27th, 2009
3:20 pm

basically….I was wondering why that didn’t look right.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
3:21 pm

mytw♥cents..hahahaha,but thanx

Ared/Proff..thanx

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
3:21 pm

ARed – for me, it wasnt that I didnt love my life before. My divorce made my life very difficult so I had days where I swore I hated my life. So now I have regrouped b/c I wasnt the same person post divorce that I was pre-marriage.

MELO – lol! okay…..

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
3:24 pm

KYM If you end up doing the committed long term relationship thingy, would you want to keep separate households to try to maintain that boundary w/ your space and the boy? Even though Murphy’s law says that a firmly marriage minded dude will want you if you’re leaning away from marriage.

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
3:24 pm

Mo – Thank you for answering too!

Ms. Main

August 27th, 2009
3:27 pm

ZULU You’ve been kinder and gentler lately.

Seriously….I thought it was my screen..lol

Melo

August 27th, 2009
3:30 pm

thanx Kimmie….

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
3:31 pm

Mo- your dimples make me happy so even if u r not happy, i am. lol. j/k. I *heart* dimples!

Kym-Dick LeBeau Class of 2010

August 27th, 2009
3:31 pm

@mytwo..Naww we could live together but there would have to be space..lots and lots of space. I mean like ManCave and Lady Lounge with neutral territory shared by all. Otherwise I would go absolutely loopy.

Loopy sayings: “Why are you still here?, “Don’t you have a room.”
“I am going to need about 60 feet of space.”
“All convo is on hold until after 8pm PST.”

LOL..I wouldnt be that bad..but space..space is required.

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
3:33 pm

Kimmie #9 is good. That way if he don’t know it’s there he can’t hide it if he has another woman coming over or frequenting his place.

Angie

August 27th, 2009
3:33 pm

@SC
i can relate to your 2:25. i was standing in the ups store the other day sending a fax. this handsome older gentleman was there waiting on something and at the same time burning a whole in my ass. lol. i turned around and he said hello. i was thinking to myself *this is not a good time for this shyt*. he asked me a lot of personal questions within the 15 mins we were both in the store. i guess that’s his way of breaking the ice . . . to be all up in my business . . . what was i faxin’.

to keep a long story short, i felt nervous with giving into him. am i ready for this? really.

Compelling

August 27th, 2009
3:35 pm

This is sooo off topic…but I need some more oldies for my ipod…any suggestions???

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
3:36 pm

Prof – Phantom.. did you mean Fathom.. Dang! ;-) I had to get ya..

Angie

August 27th, 2009
3:37 pm

my post was eaten. never had a prob posting under Beautiful. oh well!

how about keith sweat?

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
3:39 pm

Compelling, Luther and more Luther. I am in a Luther listening mood right now.

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
3:41 pm

@Compelling I like the 80s stuff like Hall & Oats, Christopher Cross, I like Switch “I Call your name” and you can always google the Bill Board top 100 for the genre you like…

SexyCool - Don't lick the humpack (Cholly Murfay)

August 27th, 2009
3:42 pm

Kym – You need space. I need low, low lights, preferably scented candlelights and some slow R&B and sometimes, silence.

I value the sounds of silence.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
3:42 pm

Page1908 – LOL! Girl if there was ever a time that my dimples werent seen as much, that was it! Well that and when I was actually in labor w Lil Mo! :smile: But generally Im a happy-go-lucky chica. Takes a lot to ruffle my feathers.

Complelling – Isley Bros?

Kym-Dick LeBeau Class of 2010

August 27th, 2009
3:42 pm

Billy Ocean..he has a new album.I was watching his stuff on You Tube last night ohh and listening this morning.

Chink

August 27th, 2009
3:42 pm

For Real …if its positive I am all for change…but from my experience guys have wanted me to do things that were just not me….it didnt feel right inside. Thats what I mean when I say love me for me. I don’t want to change my core values to be with you.

SexyCool - Don't lick the humpback (Cholly Murfay)

August 27th, 2009
3:42 pm

Enter your comments here

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
3:43 pm

@Compelling don’t forget about The Isley Brothers, Keith Sweat, Prince, Toni Braxton, Tony!Toni!Tone!etc.

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
3:45 pm

Compelling my son says that his Ipod can hold over 3,000 songs. He is only 14 so I asked him if he even knows 1000 songs.

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
3:45 pm

@DK you got me…this nap is calling me I need to get off this computer and close my eyes.

Kym-Dick LeBeau Class of 2010

August 27th, 2009
3:45 pm

Tina Turner, Lionel Richie, Diana Ross.

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
3:46 pm

I unnerstand, KYM… I gotta be able to breathe and some folks are literally suffocating. That’s why I can’t understand cling-ons. I tend to think that women (or men) who like their mates up under them most or all the time are 1. insecure in the relationship and 2. not big enough fans of themselves.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
3:47 pm

Chink – what you wouldnt be my Anna MAe.. No seriously.. I undertsnad.. I dont even think a good relationship has to be work. I think a good one flows, ebbs and tides.. That person in your yin or yang.. I see those kinda relationships and thats whats gonna get me.. A good cool I can be me around this babe completely.. A good relationship would never change your core values..

And yeah you should compromise in a relationship but you should never compromise yourself..

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
3:49 pm

lmao SexyCool! omg omg omgggggggggg

Mo- LOL! yeah you told me that your nose spread when u were preggers. i am glad it’s back to normal lol.

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
3:49 pm

COMPELLING Ya gotta qualify “ol skool.” Are you in your 30s? Somebody was calling EnVogue ol skool the other day and I was like HUH??? Then I carded em and understood.

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
3:49 pm

I dont even think a good relationship has to be work

Infamous I agree only 95%.

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
3:50 pm

Speaking of music, can you link your iPod to more than one iTunes account without erasing all of your songs?

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
3:50 pm

Compelling – I have a Debarge greatest hits I’ve been listening to ever since I watched them on Unsung. It is wonderful and brought back old memories.

AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!

August 27th, 2009
3:51 pm

Compelling my son says that his Ipod can hold over 3,000 songs. He is only 14 so I asked him if he even knows 1000 songs.

:lol:

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
3:53 pm

Raqi – To your 3:33. You are right. I’m just modest tho, never been comfortable leaving my undies anywhere but my drawer or hamper!

Kym-Dick LeBeau Class of 2010

August 27th, 2009
3:54 pm

Prof do you mean account or computers. Computers yes. you can authorize up to 5. But if you have your pod set to automatically update that is how song erase..manual update works best. I use my ipod as a storage drive. I switch out songs all the time.

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
3:54 pm

Phil Collins, Boys II Men and Elton John are some of my favorites too, and don’t forget to add some relaxing music as well Enya, Kem and K’Jon are a few that I like…Chris Botti (these are not old school).

Chink

August 27th, 2009
3:54 pm

I hear you DK

I tend to think that women (or men) who like their mates up under them most or all the time are 1. insecure in the relationship and 2. not big enough fans of themselves. <—- I dont agree with this ..some people do have a good connection where they can spend alot of time together …and seems to me people who have a problem with seeing others like that dont understand/have that connection. Personally I could care less how much time people spend together.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
3:54 pm

Kimmie I loved that DeBarge Unsung. also, the Phyllis Hyman one was sooooooooooooooo SAD! omg.

SC- I still don’t kn ow how u didnt see black baseball cap dude at the comedy show lmao. he was scoping Mo out the entire time! lol hey, btw, i can finally catch up on Real Trainwreck of ATL tonight after i get out of Yoga class! does kim get her wig pulled again? lol

Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!

August 27th, 2009
3:55 pm

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
3:57 pm

omg pandora is totally bumping Jon B. I LOVEEEEEEE that dude. omg. he is my swirl forever!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
3:58 pm

Page1908 – please dont put Black Hat on me!! LOL! He was happy as a…lets just say WE made his night!! LOL

SexyCool - Don't lick the humpback (Cholly Murfay)

August 27th, 2009
3:58 pm

Page – You KNOW I will be offering my usual FB blow by blow on Trainwreck TV.

And speaking of Trainwreck TV, did anybody watch Frankie and Neffe? Was there really something about Frankie having a clothing line.

Man down. Code 10. LOL

Melo

August 27th, 2009
3:58 pm

so these tracks u get from itunes for ur ipods,do u buy them,at how much??

uall are so hooked up!
i got the iphone but i dont care for the itunes and ipod..but i recently wanted to upgrade my phone just to improve on the battery..i have to have an itune account… :? ???:
i will let my 15yr old dghter mess with that for me….im not into all this kids stuff… :lol:

Dan

August 27th, 2009
4:01 pm

@Compelling –

R & B: Luther (anything), Prince (anything), Boyz II Men, Dru Hill (a personal favorite), Destiny’s Child, En Vouge, Pre-crack Whitney, Jodeci, Mary J (figure you got that), Mint Condition, etc.

Hip-Hop: Chronic (both), early Ice Cube, Biggie, Pac (living), De La Soul, Tribe Called Quest, Outkast, Goodie, anything DF related, DJ Quik, 8-ball & MJG, Scarface, the Ghetto boyz etc.

That right thurr will take you about 1,500 songs easy

Dan

August 27th, 2009
4:03 pm

@Melo

yeah, you have to have itunes for the iPhone. But once you d/l itunes, it’ll convert most of your library to songs that you can play on the iPhone.

**Side note: I both love and hate my iPhone. It gives me pleasure and causes me pain. I used to wonder why they called them ‘crackberries’ and now with the iPhone, I know.***

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
4:04 pm

Page – I used to work with a dude that looked like Jon B. He was a really good friend. All the ladies liked him but he didn’t swing that way. Trainwreck put me to sleep last week. They are staging a lot of that mess and trying too hard. It’s a wrap for me. I’m watching Project Runway on Lifetime. Love Project Runway, not that cheap imitation Kelly Rowland was doing!

I couldn’t watch the Phyllis Hyman Unsung or the Minnie Riperton one. Just too sad – I knew how it was going to end. Always have loved me some Debarge though – Time Will Reveal, I Like It, Rythymn of the Night, etc!

Melo

August 27th, 2009
4:04 pm

Mytwo:stepping off my goody goody podium:

Here goes:

A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a train.
Along came this woman and seeing the two cute babies started asking the man, “Aren’t they cute, what are their names?”
The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, “I don’t know.
”The lady asked again, “Which is the boy and which is the girl?”
The man looking angrier than before replied, “I don’t know.
”The woman then started to scold the man, “What kind of a father are you?”The man replied,

“I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to may company.”

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
4:05 pm

LOL Mo- Girl, Black Hat dude knows he wanted to be in the front row with us, but Weight and the dudes musta gave him the side-eye. lol

SC- Ughhhh there was no way i was gonna watch Neffie and Frankie. no way!

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
4:06 pm

LOL Kimmie that’s a trick one of my friends told me. She said a guy she was seeing would make sure she packed all her personal belongings when she left. She knew he was seeing someone else although they were “exclusive” so she would leave stuff on purpose.

She told me once to take a pencil and lightly trace one the shelf the box of tampons (yes, tampons) that I kept under his sink in the corner. Now that right there is too much work DK. I figured it like this, it is what it is and until I found out something I should be suspect about then I didn’t wreck my brain over stuff like that. And if he allowed me to leave freakin tampons at his house…LOL

SexyCool - Don't lick the humpback (Cholly Murfay)

August 27th, 2009
4:07 pm

Kimmie – Trainwreck WAS boring last week and contained a repeat scene from a previous broadcast – TBoz and Kandi at lunch. I was only entertained because me and some of my folks (Hey, Page/My2/Stace) keep up a running FaceBook commentary while the show is on.

Hopefully, this week will pick up some.

Melo

August 27th, 2009
4:08 pm

But once you d/l itunes, it’ll convert most of your library to songs that you can play on the iPhone
Dan :???:

i dont care for the ipod and songs, i can sing.. :lol:

i just wanna upgrade my phone,if not 4 that, i dont need the itunes either…

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
4:09 pm

Infamous are you still around? I want to ask you a question since you mentioned yesterday about the scent of a woman.

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
4:09 pm

COMPELLING Teena Marie, Ashford & Simpson, O’Jays were a lil before my time, but luv em. Klymaxx (I think) The group Lionel left lol. I get my fix by listening to the radio shows that do the back in the day mixes. DJ Red Alert remote on Sunday nights and Bubbie Luv used to do it Sunday afternoons. Maybe they publish their playlists.

CHINK I guess it depends on what we conisder “a lot.” I know people who don’t like to be by themselves.at.all. Not a visit to the bookstore, no lunch, not a stroll, nothing. Or if they try to do something outside of their mates they’re basically doing minute by minute GPS tracking on them. I will never not think there’s something wrong with that.

SexyCool - Don't lick the humpback (Cholly Murfay)

August 27th, 2009
4:11 pm

Page/Mo – I still have NO recollection of that black cap dude. I was chillin’. I was cool. I was smmooooooottthhhh!!! LOL!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
4:13 pm

Raqi – I dont care if Im seeing someone else or not.. I just dont like a chicks stuff at my house.. Cause Im not leaving my stuff at her home.. Until i ask you to leave something you shouldnt.. See Im crazy like that… i’ll throw it in the trash..

Tazzee

August 27th, 2009
4:13 pm

Compelling – old school: Stevie Wonder, Donny Hathaway, Angela Bofill, Minnie Riperton; Rufus and Chaka Kahn, Emotions, Shalamar, Switch

Those are some artists on my old school playlist that I didn’t see mentioned.

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
4:13 pm

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
4:14 pm

Raq-Diesel – Fire away

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
4:15 pm

Or if they try to do something outside of their mates they’re basically doing minute by minute GPS tracking on them. I will never not think there’s something wrong with that.

My2 – I have a few friends like that. I don’t do anything in the evening with them because of that. Me & one of those friends had gotten tickets to Stevie Wonder and we decided to grab a nice dinner before the show. From the drive there, thru dinner, a few times during the show and on the way home, she was on the phone with hubby. Mind you, he declined when we were buying the tickets. But he is super jealous and she spent the whole time consoling his whining. Wouldn’t be me.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
4:15 pm

Thievery Corp – Incident at gate 7

Compelling

August 27th, 2009
4:16 pm

Oooooo these are all good ones. Trust me when I say I’m writing em all down. I have quite a few older artists right now, i.e. Sam Cooke, Bobby Womack, Marvin Gaye, Diana Ross, Duke Ellington, Miles Davis…etc.

I need to get some Toni Braxton, EnVogue, Keith Sweat and the like.

@ MyTwo- I guess I consider oldies anything my parents used to listen to. I do like the songs from the 80’s and 90’s a lot though. I love music, it always puts me in a better mood. I was just listenin to Donny Hathaway’s version of “A Song for You” and was instantly transported back to my childhood.

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
4:16 pm

Infamous those were not the only things I left at his place. And he did leave some stuff at mine. Some shirts, razors, deodorant, different stuff. All of our stay overs were not always planned so it was good to have the stuff you needed when you needed it. However our relationship did not start out that way, it took about a year to get there.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 27th, 2009
4:16 pm

Taz – Got a Shalamar greatest hits too that I love! Night to Remember is one of my favorites.

Kym-Dick LeBeau Class of 2010

August 27th, 2009
4:16 pm

You are too close if..

I can see your ear wax
I smell what you had for lunch
I can hear you breathing and we are not naked

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
4:17 pm

MELO Aww, poor babies! :lol:

SEXYCOOL Yeah, they need to step it up. Although I’ll always cheris, “Whatever happened to. . . Customer Service?” I’m ready for a new phrase! Gonna have to DVR that and watch Project Runway if they don’t.

I think the blog fellas have the best music collections. No matter how much I disagree some of the time, their music is on point alla da time. Having a good ear works for me.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
4:18 pm

Page1908 – Frankie & Neffe….oh heeeeeeeell naw! I already dont care much for reality tv so I definitely cant watch them! Im still trying to stomach Trainwreck!

SCool – im niiiiiiiiiice! LOL!

Compelling – I love Donnie Hathaway and Lalah HAthaway

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
4:20 pm

Raq- Pack a bag.. Or get up early enough to go home..

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
4:20 pm

Infamous last night I was watching a show that I had recorded. The show was Dating in The Dark. On the show the contestants had a chance to see what the others had slept in that night. Well when the men were looking thru the ladies’ stuff Mason said talking at the men on the tube “smell the clothes. you’ll know which one is for you by her smell.”

I asked how it that and he just said “we just know”. I found that to be quite interesting. Is that true for all men?

And is that true at all. LOL

Melo

August 27th, 2009
4:21 pm

Personally I could care less how much time people spend together.
Chink,that there,spending a lot of quality time tgether,is not a problem.

Problem is when u just cant be seperated at all and if u are,u do play by play like Kimmie said.Thats a red flag.
If there is no trust or there are Trust issues..then there is a problem.

“If u luv sme,let it free,if it dont come back at ya,it wasnt urs anyway”

SexyCool - Don't lick the humpback (Cholly Murfay)

August 27th, 2009
4:21 pm

Oh, yeah, Moe – THAT’S what I was saying. LMAO!!

Dan

August 27th, 2009
4:22 pm

@My 2

DJ Red Alert….wow. That’s “hold the tape recorder up to the speaker” old. And I love it!

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
4:22 pm

Pack a bag

We did that in the beginning stages. It got tiring. LOL

Leggs

August 27th, 2009
4:23 pm

Roy Ayers, Bill Withers, Isley Bros.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
4:25 pm

SC and Mo- Yeah dude was all over it. lol Ughhhh I cannot stomach looking at Frankie. ever since i saw how she didn’t have any teeth and now she has a full mouth of dentures, uggghhhh i can’t stand it. lol *shrugs* SC I need to to post your weekly countdown to trainwreck status on facebook! if u don’t i am gonna pull your wig off!

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
4:26 pm

And you know what I thought about Infamous? I have watched several shows about wild animals and would see how some of the males animals sniff the female and sometimes move on to another.

I have seen dogs do that during mating season.

Compelling

August 27th, 2009
4:26 pm

Still writing furiously…I’ll have a downloading party all by my lonesome tonight.

SexyCool - Don't lick the humpback (Cholly Murfay)

August 27th, 2009
4:26 pm

My2 – That “Customer Service” line delivery is a CLASSIC!!!

Raqi

August 27th, 2009
4:27 pm

That could be part of that “chemistry” that we talk so much about in relationships.

SexyCool - Don't lick the humpback (Cholly Murfay)

August 27th, 2009
4:28 pm

Trying to figure out how I can fit a stop at Blue Moon Pizza for a couple of their Caramel Apple Pie Martinis into my evening.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
4:28 pm

RAQI! LOL u mention that show Dating in the Dark every week! lol. i saw the one last week i think where the black girl dissed ole dude because he was too short for her. smdh.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
4:29 pm

SC no Blue Moon for you tonight! U remember what happened last week! you were almost late on FB to give the trainwreck blow by blow LOL. if u go, be home by 9pm, please. thanks. that is all. lol

Dream_n

August 27th, 2009
4:30 pm

@ compelling Marvin Gaye (don’t forget)!!
Here My Dear CD….. was the BEST!!!!

SexyCool - Don't lick the humpback (Cholly Murfay)

August 27th, 2009
4:31 pm

Page – If you pull my wig, I’ma kick you in the humpback.

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
4:32 pm

INFAMOUS Yeah, throwin it out will serve a dual purpose. Cuz it’s sumthin that she thinks is the ish, she may eliminate you for eliminating it. Even if it’s a bottle of perfume? Can’t ya give a girl a warning? I will get real trife about my fragrances. Missed a flight & went back and snatched my Kenneth Cole/Michael Kors or sumthin out the bin since it was outta the T-Gate. Lil TSA agent was goin crazy but I did not care!

KIMMIE See, that’s what I’m talkin’ bout. That’s exactly who I don’t wanna be.

COMPELLING Music therapy, Retail Therapy & Massage Therapy. Not too much more to a girl’s needs, is it? lol

For Real

August 27th, 2009
4:32 pm

1. date him and be friends with him but dont phluck him = A dude you didn’t want to marry anyway

2. enquire about his mom and dad and his siblings and find out,”intelligently” how all his pple have handled marriages. = I’m rubber you’re glue whatever you say about me will bounce off me and stick to you.
3. make sure u are invited to be around those his pple and observe how they interact,if they are married etc.If there is no drama,ur chances are good,if there is drama in some or most of them,its 5050 u divorce too. = Yall shut the fugg up and ack right my lady friend is commin!

4. listen carefully to the family conversations..that shld give u a good read of whetherr urs may be successful or not = Tatter it’s yo turn to scratch big mamma’s feet!

5. the problem u ladies make is being caught up in the emotions of luving a men,usually,after sleeping with him. If u have to,tough it up then,luv like a man.If it dont seem good,it is not good,drop him even after a good phluckk. = Zipppppppp!

6. Dont take excuses..by the age of 35,a man must have it tgether,education,good job,decent car,a reasonable portfolio and house!This is america! = Ahem, umm there is this little thing called RECESSION!!!

7. keep a keen eye on the company he keeps,thats who he is like,neva mind the smoke screen. = Paging Doctor Faggit!

8. take time to visit his house,observe how often the phone rings or if it does at all.If the home phone is quiet all the time,girrrrrl,u beeing tricked.If hes cell phone neva rings,u being tricked! = I had to do some cutting back (dayum) and that apparently includes the lights now.

9. always leave one pair of ur underwear in the bathroom closet,where he least expects to find it. = Sniff, sniff, Baby you smell that?

10.Neva ask a man abouyt marriage but listen to hear if he eva mentiones the wrd,if not about u 2,about other pple and what does he say. = If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear does it make a sound?

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
4:33 pm

lmao SC- Ughhhhhh

Melo

August 27th, 2009
4:37 pm

I have seen dogs do that during mating season

RAQI,dont u hate it when the male dog or bull(as in cows) is trying to hit the female behind but missing badly,and the males’ front leggs are falling of the female behind? whilst the female is right there,waiting,sheepishly…….

poor thang! :angst: :lol:

reminds me of those african females who were sitting nearby..and they were wailing…..yuwi, yuwi,yuwi!!!!!!….each time the male was hitting blanks.

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
4:37 pm

DAN When I was in highschool, I used to sneak out every Thursday night with my best friend. He did this set at a spot that was a Latin Restaurant by day, down East Tremont and they didn’t card. He was spinning House and R&B. I’ll always ♥ Coooool DJ Red Alert!

Tazzee

August 27th, 2009
4:38 pm

I can hear you breathing and we are not naked

What if s/he has asthma? :lol:

Grace

August 27th, 2009
4:38 pm

FYI – Ken Ford will be at Villa Christina this Sunday, show starts at 5:30 and it’s FREE

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
4:39 pm

SCool – LMAO @ kick the humpback!! Too funny!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
4:40 pm

Grace – thanks for that tidbit chica, I love Ken Ford

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
4:41 pm

lmao Mo- i’m gonna call Weight and tell him on both of you chicas!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
4:42 pm

Very True.. The smell will draw you into to her.. Just like it does for women.. See you got some twats that smell like rose gardens and others that smell like fish and watse water.. I opt for the Rose gardens.

Seriously That body scent does something.. Just like certain colognes smell good on me some dont but my homeboy swears by them.. Like I can wear an old school goodie Obsession and get hemmed up all night..

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
4:43 pm

Two – I’ll tell you about it but once.. After that no dice.. I wont even mention you left anything.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 27th, 2009
4:44 pm

RAqi – Yes Smell is important. I had a good one written but I got censored for the day..

Kym-Dick LeBeau Class of 2010

August 27th, 2009
4:44 pm

@Tazzee then Mr. Wheeze needs to move down to the Man-Cave where he can wheeze and scratch and smell his fingers in peace.

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
4:46 pm

lmao Kym. *gross*! scracthing and smelling is fingers! he might as well pick his boogers too! ughh *gagging*

SexyCool - Don't lick the humpback (Cholly Murfay)

August 27th, 2009
4:47 pm

A man’s scent is important to me too. I LOVE a nice cologne. LOVE IT! It’s a turn on. But I also like the natural scent of the right man. Everybody’s scent does not attract me. Some can be a turn off.

And I’m not talking about that just from the gym smell. I’m talking about the just out of the shower, so fresh, so clean scent that is THE MAN!

SexyCool - Don't lick the humpback (Cholly Murfay)

August 27th, 2009
4:48 pm

Did I say I LOVE a nice cologne? Aint NOTHING like a good smelling MAN!!!!

OH, lawd geezus. I will go now.

Man down. Code 10. >lol<

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
4:49 pm

SCool – co-signing 100%, love a good smelling man!! GEE-ZUS!

Page1908

August 27th, 2009
4:50 pm

lmao @ “man down” code 10. i thought code 10 was the code for a spill on the floor at wally world? lmao

Grace

August 27th, 2009
4:51 pm

Compelling

August 27th, 2009
4:51 pm

@ MyTwo- Yeah those three all mashed together can make me very happy.

@ Dream_n- That album IS really good. I have it in my collection already.

@ Leggs- Isley Brothers…Living for the Love of You…what a wonderful song.

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
4:55 pm

SEXYCOOL Mmmm, thankcha lawd for men’s chemistry + cologne of choice = their own signature scent.

Now don’t be sniffin up on strange men’s necks tonite, tho. Gonna catch a case…

Melo

August 27th, 2009
4:55 pm

WHAT DO U DO:

if a man keeps inviting u to his church, by email,every week,but u neva show up and u have no intention of showing up.

shld i reply and just say”i like my church better”?

Melo

August 27th, 2009
4:56 pm

coz it gets on my nerves!!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 27th, 2009
4:56 pm

Page1908 – SCool had her own “spill” after thinking about a good smelling man!! LMAO!!

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
4:57 pm

INFAMOUS You know I chuckled at ‘but once.’ You’re so exacting with some thangs.

mytw♥cents

August 27th, 2009
4:59 pm

ZULU Thanks, but I’m very happy with my _______ (religion, church home, etc.)

Wise Diva

August 27th, 2009
5:03 pm

I missed you guys today :( sorry so quiet, back in the saddle tomorrow. So glad it’s almost FRIDAY!!!!

MsM

August 28th, 2009
1:08 pm

Two things… JMS (11:34) post WONDERFUL
Treading Water Atlanta… scary.. you’re not related to the guy that shot up the gym I HOPE?

simplyme

August 31st, 2009
1:19 pm

I dated someone for 6 years and 2 were as if we were just room mates but neither of us wanted to hurt the other so we stayed together not knowing we were truly hurting ourselves. There were no fussing or fighting but no love or joy either so when we both got the courage and went our separate ways without drama we were able to maintain our friendship….be honest we are all adults what would the world be like with the lies??????