Know when to fold them
Have you ever been in a relationship and you had that “this is it” moment when you realized it was over? It could have been after you found a huge difference between the two of you that you were sure you could not handle. Or perhaps it was their quirky behavior that morphed in to crazy behavior. Sometimes, it’s just the simple realization that you are pretending to be happy, when you are really just happy not to be alone.
When do you decide to end things? What if you don’t have a solid explanation for why you want to check out of the relationship, what do you do?
How do you make sure that you aren’t bailing on dating the person for the wrong reasons? When do you know it’s over?
Being on the other side is frustrating too. You know that the person you are dating is acting strange and distant, but you aren’t sure why. Do you bring it up or wait for the person to break it off? How do you know when to hold them and how do you know when to fold them? (Don’t act like I am the only one that loves that song!)
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402 comments Add your comment
mytw♥cents
August 27th, 2009
2:55 pm
WISEY, can you link this in to pop up whenever we talk about settling? you are pretending to be happy, when you are really just happy not to be alone. Cuz blog dudes never seem to grasp what most of us consider to be the definition, and I think this is it.
If someone does more to detract from your light than embellish it, let them go. “Family,” “Friend,” “Fuhh Buddy,” whomever… While I try not to live life with regrets, I get real irked at me when I let my light be dimmed for too long. One thing I don’t understand is the tendency to put simple dating, ocassional mating on the same level as marriage. You can be a truly happy person who is single and unwilling to be in a lackluster void of a relationship. Or you get into a relationship, find out you’re doing too much of the work and bail, and it’s fine. Because I believe you need to store your reserves for when it counts the most. I may be willing to put in lots of work to be someone’s girlfriend. But Marriage is the Holy Grail of relationships. So if I ever make that promise to God, myself and my man; I’m fully prepared to be tapping into hidden reserves of strength, patience, love, etcetera that exceed anything I’d put into girlfriendship. 100% would not be the max.
Raqi
August 27th, 2009
2:56 pm
It’s LIFE CHANGING
SexyCool that’s what I was thinking. It’s your life and someone’s that you are dealing with. I love being married to my husband. And I love being married. But it ain’t no joke. And it’s more than a notion.
Dan
August 27th, 2009
2:57 pm
Why does “Every little thing I do” make me wanna skate?
mytw♥cents
August 27th, 2009
2:58 pm
Hey DREAM_N. What’s the disconnect between you wanting to throw deuces and actually throwin em? Seems like you’re staying out of familiarity more than anything else. I’ve only read you this week, tho. In case you haven’t read me, I’m not from the camp that believes money, kids, just don’t wanna be alone are plausible reasons to stay in the thick of some bs where unhappiness is the common denominator.
Raqi
August 27th, 2009
3:01 pm
then I start to hyperventilate…then I get all warm on the inside because
Tazzee the best and most exciting thing about a roller coaster is the hills, loops and turns. Very exciting. IMO when you find your self on that one flatlined plain the excitement is gone. The boredom and mundane sets in and it usually dies soon after. Even when the two individuals are still residing under the same roof the relationship can be dead.
SexyCool - Back to being Water.
August 27th, 2009
3:01 pm
And do you know it took me THIRTY-SIX YEARS to really like THIS life? Okay, Now I’m being a bit extra, but y’all feel me.
The other thing that terrifies me…………is that I won’t be able to lose these last 8 pounds to get to my goal weight because of my outta control sweet tooth and night time eating. But that’s a-whole-nother Oprah.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 27th, 2009
3:03 pm
outta control sweet tooth and night time eating.
SCool – Me too. They are my undoing.
Raqi
August 27th, 2009
3:04 pm
love me all the way
Over in ChaPan one of the mods likes to point out words and phrases that would make good on a t-shirt. That there is one. “Love me all the way”
Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!
August 27th, 2009
3:06 pm
@Dream_N, I cannot phantom being that unhappy in a relationship. My parents were friends with a married couple years ago. Recently my mom shared with me that the wife changed jobs (without her husband knowing), and left him. She moved out and left him only with a Dear John letter. I know I do not have the energy to deal with “ok” or “settling” either I am going to work on it or I am going to bounce.
Chink
August 27th, 2009
3:06 pm
love me for me, flaws and all, not for who they think I should be or want me to be or are pushing me to be. JUST ME!!!! *EXACTLY!!!*
So if I ever make that promise to God, myself and my man; I’m fully prepared to be tapping into hidden reserves of strength, patience, love, etcetera that exceed anything I’d put into a relationship. 100% would not be the max. *I understand COMPLETELY*
For Real
August 27th, 2009
3:06 pm
my outta control sweet tooth and night time eating. – Zipppppppppp! Black Cake!!
Mo (aka Moeisha)
August 27th, 2009
3:08 pm
SCool/Kimmie – LOL @ the munching at night but I so feel ya’ll! Those Cookie Co cookies would not stop calling me so I had to indulge. SIGH
SCool – I love my life now too! Not so much the single part but everything else. So to incorporate something so tedious is scary, its different this time than before. Also I want to love HARD and have it reciprocated as well. So on that we are >>>HERE<<<
SexyCool - Back to being Water.
August 27th, 2009
3:09 pm
Kimmie – LOL. Babygirl, my sweet tooth is my constant reminder that I will have to work out as long as I live….or…as long as I plan to be SexyCool. ~more laughing~
For Real
August 27th, 2009
3:09 pm
“love me for me, flaws and all, not for who they think I should be or want me to be or are pushing me to be. JUST ME!!!! *EXACTLY!!!*” – Does that mean you will stop growing, stop working on your flaws and all? Who wants to be with something stuck in time?
Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!
August 27th, 2009
3:09 pm
@Leggs I am jealous you are over there volunteering. Seriously I love helping others and realizing that my “problems” are not so bad after all.
Raqi
August 27th, 2009
3:09 pm
In some small village in Mexico a zipper is being made right now that is going to one day jam that black cake.
Page1908
August 27th, 2009
3:10 pm
Dream_n, yeah you’re still a baby!
SexyCool - Back to being Water.
August 27th, 2009
3:11 pm
For Real – Does that mean you will stop growing, stop working on your flaws and all?
Are you seriously asking me, Miss Three Words Daily, THAT question? Seriously?
Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!
August 27th, 2009
3:11 pm
@Rell, good question on that 3:09
AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!
August 27th, 2009
3:11 pm
SexyCool and Mo – What is the reason why it took you in your 30s to love your life? Was it because you had expectations that didn’t match reality? Was it because of unfulfilled dreams and/or plans?
Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!
August 27th, 2009
3:12 pm
opps I meant For Real
AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!
August 27th, 2009
3:12 pm
Professor – Why do you keep calling For Real Rell?
For Real
August 27th, 2009
3:12 pm
Prof: So, what can I do for you today?
Chick: Well I was trying to steal my neighbor’s window unit air condition when the cord wrapped around my leg pulled me out the window with it.
Prof: DAYUMMM!!! I’m glad my life is better than yours!
Ms. Main
August 27th, 2009
3:13 pm
In some small village in Mexico a zipper is being made right now that is going to one day jam that black cake.
bwah ha ha
Melo
August 27th, 2009
3:13 pm
MO/SexyCool, I got the secret to making sure u dont make a mistake…AGAIN:
1. date him and be friends with him but dont phluck him
2. enquire about his mom and dad and his siblings and find out,”intelligently” how all his pple have handled marriages.
3 make sure u are invited to be around those his pple and observe how they interact,if they are married etc.If there is no drama,ur chances are good,if there is drama in some or most of them,its 5050 u divorce too.
4. listen carefully to the family conversations..that shld give u a good read of whetherr urs may be successful or not
5. the problem u ladies make is being caught up in the emotions of luving a men,usually,after sleeping with him. If u have to,tough it up then,luv like a man.If it dont seem good,it is not good,drop him even after a good phluckk.
6. Dont take excuses..by the age of 35,a man must have it tgether,education,good job,decent car,a reasonable portfolio and house!This is america!
7. keep a keen eye on the company he keeps,thats who he is like,neva mind the smoke screen.
8. take time to visit his house,observe how often the phone rings or if it does at all.If the home phone is quiet all the time,girrrrrl,u beeing tricked.If hes cell phone neva rings,u being tricked!
9. always leave one pair of ur underwear in the bathroom closet,where he least expects to find it.
10.Neva ask a man abouyt marriage but listen to hear if he eva mentiones the wrd,if not about u 2,about other pple and what does he say.
If u get a 8 on this exam..go ahead,its a wrap!
For Real
August 27th, 2009
3:14 pm
Are you seriously asking me, Miss Three Words Daily, THAT question? Seriously? – I can’t here you do you need a microphone?
Page1908
August 27th, 2009
3:14 pm
Angie, ok yeah a gypsy would be cute. I’m still trying to decide because it’s probably gonna be really cold here on Halloween because last year it was freeeezing! Right now, my ideas are wonder woman or strawberry shortcake.
Raqi
August 27th, 2009
3:14 pm
Does that mean you will stop growing, stop working on your flaws and all?
ForReal that’s a good point. However loving me inspite of my flaws means that you will not judge or criticize me concerning them during my time of growth. IMO.
mytw♥cents
August 27th, 2009
3:14 pm
RAQI
You gonna make the man start wearing velcro pants. P.S. How’s being back to work?
For Real
August 27th, 2009
3:15 pm
“In some small village in Mexico a zipper is being made right now that is going to one day jam that black cake.” – But today is not that day.. Zippp… put the baby down first
AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!
August 27th, 2009
3:16 pm
melo – I actually appreciate you for your 3:13. Good job.
Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!
August 27th, 2009
3:16 pm
@Ared…not paying attention because it is only a blog and my mind is elsewhere.
@For Real (I think I got it right this time) yep that is how I see it…Dayummm I am glad I am not in that boat. It keeps me grounded
Kym-Dick LeBeau Class of 2010
August 27th, 2009
3:16 pm
@Sexy I can understand your fear. I don’t have so much fear(well maybe a bit) as I am just flat out selfish. I want to share my life but only up to a certain point. I have things just like I like them..I do for the most part what I like, and frankly I don’t even want to share the boy with someone else(My aunties have a field day with that one)
Because while I value love and affection (blah blah)… I will do as I see fit when I want to. I don’t want to explain my reasoning for why I do the quirky things I do..my attitude is “You can get with this or you can get with that. A guy friend(lover) told me recently, “I love you but I can’t give you what you want.” My first reaction was to punch him..but after two days (and really I am so getting better on temper management) I called him and said wait a minute..”You said you can’t give me what I want, first off I didn’t ask you for anything because.. hell I don’t even know what I want..so how do you know what I want and if you do know.. how about letting me in on it?”
SexyCool - Back to being Water.
August 27th, 2009
3:18 pm
ARed – because it took me that freakin’ long to stop looking for happiness outside of myself – in temporary things, in the approval of other people, in what I thought was love.
I learned gratitude for the blessings that I have and the ones that I know are coming.
I have recovered from most of the financial mistakes of my 20’s and I am also now am basicly debt free, can afford my lifestyle with relative ease and have all of my needs met and an acceptable number of wants satisfied.
mytw♥cents
August 27th, 2009
3:18 pm
ZULU You’ve been kinder and gentler lately. Offering pearls of wisdom instead of pearls of uhm… Anyway, I’m taking that as a sign that you’re gonna try to trick Queen into keeping you and the small ceremony plans are underway.
Professor__k? Come direct or don't come at all!
August 27th, 2009
3:19 pm
Melo thanks for sharing that list…
Raqi
August 27th, 2009
3:19 pm
@TwoLincolns – Being back to work is fine. It’s nights like last night that I am got to get used to again.
I swear that baby has been sleeping fine during the night but the minute I return to work and need a full night’s sleep she wants to be up throughout the night. Not to mention her dad talking about what on the television. She is sleeping in her room now so maybe that’s part of the problem.(End of small rant)
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 27th, 2009
3:20 pm
Melo – I like your list, especially #6. No excuses! I see people come here with nothing but a dream, work hard & do well. Get up & get moving and make it happen!
#9 I don’t know about!LOL!!
AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!
August 27th, 2009
3:20 pm
SexyCool – Very deep. Thanks for answering!
SexyCool - Back to being Water.
August 27th, 2009
3:20 pm
basically….I was wondering why that didn’t look right.
Melo
August 27th, 2009
3:21 pm
mytw♥cents..hahahaha,but thanx
Ared/Proff..thanx
Mo (aka Moeisha)
August 27th, 2009
3:21 pm
ARed – for me, it wasnt that I didnt love my life before. My divorce made my life very difficult so I had days where I swore I hated my life. So now I have regrouped b/c I wasnt the same person post divorce that I was pre-marriage.
MELO – lol! okay…..
mytw♥cents
August 27th, 2009
3:24 pm
KYM If you end up doing the committed long term relationship thingy, would you want to keep separate households to try to maintain that boundary w/ your space and the boy? Even though Murphy’s law says that a firmly marriage minded dude will want you if you’re leaning away from marriage.
AmazonRed™ - is a flight risk!
August 27th, 2009
3:24 pm
Mo – Thank you for answering too!
Ms. Main
August 27th, 2009
3:27 pm
ZULU You’ve been kinder and gentler lately.
Seriously….I thought it was my screen..lol
Melo
August 27th, 2009
3:30 pm
thanx Kimmie….
Page1908
August 27th, 2009
3:31 pm
Mo- your dimples make me happy so even if u r not happy, i am. lol. j/k. I *heart* dimples!
Kym-Dick LeBeau Class of 2010
August 27th, 2009
3:31 pm
@mytwo..Naww we could live together but there would have to be space..lots and lots of space. I mean like ManCave and Lady Lounge with neutral territory shared by all. Otherwise I would go absolutely loopy.
Loopy sayings: “Why are you still here?, “Don’t you have a room.”
“I am going to need about 60 feet of space.”
“All convo is on hold until after 8pm PST.”
LOL..I wouldnt be that bad..but space..space is required.
Raqi
August 27th, 2009
3:33 pm
Kimmie #9 is good. That way if he don’t know it’s there he can’t hide it if he has another woman coming over or frequenting his place.
Angie
August 27th, 2009
3:33 pm
@SC
i can relate to your 2:25. i was standing in the ups store the other day sending a fax. this handsome older gentleman was there waiting on something and at the same time burning a whole in my ass. lol. i turned around and he said hello. i was thinking to myself *this is not a good time for this shyt*. he asked me a lot of personal questions within the 15 mins we were both in the store. i guess that’s his way of breaking the ice . . . to be all up in my business . . . what was i faxin’.
to keep a long story short, i felt nervous with giving into him. am i ready for this? really.