I’m Focused, Man!
On any given weekend in Atlanta, there are a myriad of events going on in the city. At these events, it’s very possible you will see really attractive people, some being single. This has its pros and cons. If you are in a newly formed “exclusive” relationship with someone, it’s hard to turn down the phone numbers and attention.
Why does it seem as if you become the hottest commodity on the single’s market just as you have started a new romance? One month you can go to a store opening, arts festival, film screening completely unattached and on the prowl and nobody says anything remotely flirtatious. Then weeks later, after you and your honey have decided to make a go of it, all of a sudden you are a babe magnet. What gives?
This situation gets worse when you are the type that has dating ADD! You already have to struggle not to lose interest too easily with potential dates. When everyone you meet thinks that you are such hot stuff, you probably have to remind yourself of those dating ruts and dry spells that you just experienced.
Do you ever find it difficult to focus on a solid connection that you have with someone? Is our attractive and active dating scene part of why a lot of us can’t hold each other’s interest? If we are constantly slipping through the revolving doors of dating, does this mean we are perpetually avoiding relationships?
How do you focus on the one individual that is standing out in your dating prospects? Is it hard to resist the urge of “waiting for a better option” or are we wasting time and money?
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234 comments Add your comment
Compelling
August 26th, 2009
11:08 am
@ Raqi- Oh no….lol. I didn’t mean like he can turn his head…I meant as in they’re “passing” us by and he notices them. I would never allow something like that, hahaha.
Dan
August 26th, 2009
11:09 am
@Compelling
Mid sentence, mid step, mid thought…. T & A distracts my waking mind. And I’m never shy about it
M'
August 26th, 2009
11:14 am
Personally, I think that there are ppl who intentionally pursue another person simply b/c that individual is or appears to be involved with someone else…it’s like “yeah, when I met him/her, he/she was with someone else until I hooked in and broke that up”, etc…there are some ppl whose egos seem to thrive off of that sort of pursuit…and then too, there are occasions when pheromones just exude attraction energy…hehehe…and the feast is on…peace.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 26th, 2009
11:14 am
There are a lot of attractive people in the world and in the ATL. But I had to meet my SO just in passing at Publix. I took myself out of the “game” quite a long time ago. I have no desire to jump back in, so I’m not tempted in the least. Now I do love eye candy, but I would never disrespect SO, nor had he me. But we both understand there are other attractive people in the world! There always will be.
Raqi
August 26th, 2009
11:16 am
Compelling my brother says (I love having a brother I can talk to LOL), he says the is over for a long as the eyes can shift. He said you catch sight in the peripheral view and look only with the eyes, never turning the head.
Knowing that I have purposely looked a guy I was with straight in the eyes while talking if I noticed that he eyed something worth him looking at. I would do it just to be bad. LOL
Raqi
August 26th, 2009
11:18 am
Ms. Main where is Paul Harvey when you need him? I was wondering all the time they had been sleeping in the bed what would make someone wait until they are engaging in the act to say something like that.
Yeah, where’s the rest of the story.
Ms. Main
August 26th, 2009
11:20 am
Raqi Ms. Main where is Paul Harvey when you need him
I know right
Raqi
August 26th, 2009
11:20 am
the is over a long What?
The look is only for as long…
Tazzee
August 26th, 2009
11:21 am
Morning folks!
The only time I had dating ADD was when I was exclusive with a guy I really wasn’t into. When I’m contemplating being exclusive with someone, I check to see how I admire the opposite sex. There’s the look to enjoy the scenery and there’s the look coupled with thinking about the possibilities. Until I’m no longer doing the latter – I won’t get exclusive.
I still check out eye candy and so does my guy, but we’re respectful with it. Although he had me watching a movie one night and Common pops up on the screen. The first thing I said was ‘Was that Common?!?!?!’ LOL, I had to warn him, for me, movies with Idris and Common are better watched with the girls, LOL.
AmazonRed™
August 26th, 2009
11:21 am
I have read even on this blog that men seem to just disappear from Thanksgiving to Valentines Day (cheap ba$tard$, lol).
Page – The above has been my experience. Especiall since my bday falls w/in the holiday season. My break ups with guys in the fall. Besides, they usually want a woman with more padding to snuggle up with!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 26th, 2009
11:23 am
Hey Dan … not a problem…when I am alone, but when I am with some one, I’ve got to at least make a token effort to keep focussed on who I am with. Just tough. Shanti Feldhahn wrote in her book “For Women Only…the secret lives of men” that “a man cannot NOT notice an attractive woman”. If he is walking through Home Depot and a pretty, stacked lady walks in, he will always know in the back of his mind that she is in there somewhere. He may not, maybe even probably not, seek her out, but he will know she is in there somewhere and he adds her to that mental rolodex most men carry in their minds.
The Real Rell - cashing in wolf tickets!
August 26th, 2009
11:27 am
act to say something like that.
@raqi guilt…ol rocky was prolly laying in the former wet spot or she was afraid he would smell that budussy smell left in the dirty sheets….lol…i cant believe he rolled over…i would have rolled awt….da hell…or he could have just got some head then bounced…skeeted in her thoat..lol
Page1908
August 26th, 2009
11:28 am
LOL ARed. I have never heard of this concept until I moved to Atlanta. Dang, I need to find someone so I can be “boo’d” up with this winter. lol
SexyCool - Tastes great. Less filling.
August 26th, 2009
11:28 am
What I don’t get are the guys that try to seem all into you when they think/know that you have focused on someone else. Especially when before they treated you rather casually.
What’s up with that?
Foots
August 26th, 2009
11:32 am
I don’t have a problem focusing, I just appreciate what I have with the one I’m with. I may notice attractiveness, but would I leave what I have (and am generally happy with) for that which I don’t know? Not a chance.
On the “is he looking” thing, I always know if my man likes what he sees in a particular woman in the vicinity. He says something about her. That way, we can both look at her. LOL! I used to do that myself, so I know that game. We were out last Friday and a very attractive woman sat on the other side of me at the bar. I loved what she had on. He mentioned that every guy that sat down next to her seemed to be striking out. I told him that only one man in the whole place was her type (other than him) and he asked me to point him out. I showed him my number 1 choice, which is the guy I noticed the second he walked through the door, because he was the only guy in there that I would have given my number to if I had not been attached. Lo, and behold, about 30 minutes later, that same guy makes his way over to the bar and starts chatting up this chick and she bites. My SO was amazed that I called it like that. But anyway, we both got to look for an extended period of time since they were now both in the same place. :LOL:
Dan
August 26th, 2009
11:33 am
@Randy
That’s my issue. If I’m with a woman and another beautiful woman walks in, save us both the trouble and let me look without the hassle. We both know I see her, why strain my eyeballs to look covertly? It’s like making me lie to you. I don’t understand the impetus.
If my lady wants to check out another dude, go head! I have noooo problem with that at all.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 26th, 2009
11:34 am
SC – Because now you’re suddenly INTERESTING when somebody else is sweating you! I think some dudes do it as an ego boost, to see if they really could take you away from the new dude. They may not even be that interested in you, just seeing if they could do it. I had a guy friend who tried to do that with his ex-girlfriend/baby mama after she met someone & got married! He used to say he could get her to leave her husband at any time! Didn’t work tho, she wasn’t crazy!!
Compelling
August 26th, 2009
11:36 am
@ Raqi- LOL!!! That’s the way to play it. Like I see you wanna look but you can’t.
@ Dan- Really? Even if you’re with a woman that you love, respect, and adore? How does the woman that you’re with that that wandering eye of yours?
@Rocky- I’d have to agree with the other bloggers today. It sounds like she’s done some dirt and felt really guilty about it. Don’t let her anger fool you…she would not be having it if you told her that you let a drunk chick spend the night in your bed because you felt she was endangered. She should stop the madness.
Leggs
August 26th, 2009
11:36 am
It happens all the time, once a person is taken off the market his/her desirability index skyrockets. One may not be interested in the person, but when someone else latches on the dynamics change. You now wonder what you missed….you say to yourself hmmm, let me regroup and the game now starts to win this person’s interest you originally weren’t interested in from the get go. Convuluted way of saying this so hope you get my drift.
Dream_n
August 26th, 2009
11:37 am
Hi All,
Reading that post made me kinda look in my own back yard. I’ve been in a relationship for 5 yrs. In the begining I wouldn’t dare even think about “testing the waters”. I was in love and only could see myself with that person…. Now that the “love” is pretty much gone… I find myself to be more accepting of the attention because “home” isn’t right. I think it depends on the person and the relationship. “True Love” can stand the subtle smiles or gazing eyes, but if you’re not genuinely ready to give up that freedom of doing your own thing or your current relationship is dwindling away then…. I say stay single or become single:)
Raqi
August 26th, 2009
11:37 am
LOL Rell, only you. I would hope she at least washed the sheets after the other guy.
Melo
August 26th, 2009
11:38 am
Morning pple!!!
Hey Rocky??!!!
So ur GF has a slutty friend but shes not a slut herslef,ha??? U sure shes that strong,kweeping the company of a hoe(s) but not aviling herslef to hoeing benefits???
And shes a champ,telling u,her bed has seen another man.
Only hoes are that str8 and bold!
Careful buddy!!
Morning my crew!
AmazonRed™
August 26th, 2009
11:38 am
LOL ARed. I have never heard of this concept until I moved to Atlanta. Dang, I need to find someone so I can be “boo’d” up with this winter. lol
Page – I’m sure you can do it! There are plenty of fish in this here sea.
Yeah for me, my stock has always risen in the warmer seasons once it’s time to start showing skin. LOL
Raqi
August 26th, 2009
11:42 am
SexyCool is not it just amazing how that happens and why it happens.
It’s like you are the being held in store as the consolation prize while they be all out and about, but once you have been snatched they realize you are about to get away and now they want to step up their game. HA!
Foots
August 26th, 2009
11:42 am
RandyT – Could it be that don’t trust yourself or your decisions about choosing someone? When you trust yourself, you’re okay with making a choice because you know that you usually make good decisions, and if you end up getting a lemon for whatever reason, you can trust yourself to move on.
Like Raqi, I haven’t sat around thinking, “Oh, what if I would have chosen that other guy” because I meet them in twos like Amazon. I trust that whatever drew me to that particular person instead of the other was valid, not shallow, and that I put some thought into why I made that particular choice. If it doesn’t work out, oh well, the vast majority of relationships don’t. It doesn’t say to me that I should have picked Door#2.
I trust that with all the breakups I’ve been through and survived, I can survive another one if it happens. I also know that just like I met this one, there will eventually be someone else. That’s what really lets me go all in with someone, acknowledging the risk and knowing that if I get a bad roll of the dice, my life will eventually go on and may even turn out better.
SexyCool - Tastes great. Less filling.
August 26th, 2009
11:42 am
Well, hell, I was already interesting and desirable, dammit!!!
~laughing~
Leggs
August 26th, 2009
11:44 am
Sure hope she changed the sheets!
Didn’t they have to pass a couch before the bedroom? Why didn’t they let her drunken bf crash there?
Is this a one-bedroom apartment?
Did she tell him because his scent was lingering on the mattress?
Didn’t she think to “febreeze” the bedding?
Again, hope she changed the sheets!
Dan
August 26th, 2009
11:45 am
@Compelling
My eyes wander but, my body, my mind and my soul are with her.
So what’s at issue?
Leggs
August 26th, 2009
11:47 am
“…you felt she was endangered” Thank you for the laugh. It broke up the congestion in my chest. Feeling a little puny this morning!
Foots
August 26th, 2009
11:50 am
It’s like you are the being held in store as the consolation prize while they be all out and about, but once you have been snatched they realize you are about to get away and now they want to step up their game. HA!
Yeah, it’s always funny to me. That drove me crazy right after I met this one. The guy was like “I never told you that I didn’t want to be in a relationship! Why you doing this to me?” We associated on and off for about 6 months and he was never consistent enough for me to think he wanted more, so I was dating others. When I found one I liked and told him, he was ticked and was doing True Confessions about his feelings for me. Go figure. I agree with Kimmie, if I would have gone to him, he wouldn’t have known what to do because it was probably just an ego thing with him. How dare I move on!! LOL
AmazonRed™
August 26th, 2009
11:58 am
I agree with Kimmie, if I would have gone to him, he wouldn’t have known what to do because it was probably just an ego thing with him. How dare I move on!! LOL
Foots – So, so, soooo true.
I’m always a little smug when the woman moves on first. LOL
Compelling
August 26th, 2009
12:00 pm
@ Leggs- HAHA!
@ Dan- No issue with it actually, just curious. I just don’t know a lot of women who can accept the man they’re seeing seriously looking at other women without shame and are above reproach about it. Let me ask you this…if she told you that you were hurting her by doing it, would you stop? If your heart and soul belong to her, would you be willing to change?
SexyCool - Tastes great. Less filling.
August 26th, 2009
12:05 pm
Can I just say that today is one of those days where I am shaking my head at dudes who take friendliness for interest?
Really, dude, I was just being cordial and speaking back.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 26th, 2009
12:07 pm
I’m always a little smug when the woman moves on first. LOL
Amred – Me too!LOL!!
In my friend’s case, that girl was nuts about him! She did everything she could, including getting pregnant, to get him to marry her! He even said he thought she would make a good wife, but he was not about to commit to her or anybody. Their daughter was 9 years old by then and she finally gave up and moved on – new hubby was like a major or admiral or some other high-ranking official in the Navy, fine & had 2 teenage daughters of his own. They adored her young daughter. He took her someplace like Switzerland & Paris for their honeymoon! She said he was her soulmate. Now why would she leave all that for Mr. Wishy-Washy?
AmazonRed™
August 26th, 2009
12:07 pm
I just don’t know a lot of women who can accept the man they’re seeing seriously looking at other women without shame and are above reproach about it
Compelling – Trust me girl, you are not alone. I don’t know those women either.
Dream_n
August 26th, 2009
12:09 pm
@ Sexy Cool – Alot of guys mistake a smile for interest.. y is that? Are we to turn our heads or give you a *blank stare* lol.. Its just having manners….
Melo
August 26th, 2009
12:12 pm
I have an uncle who’ll lean outta his car window or stop talking mid-sentence to ogle women that walk by, all in fron of his woman. That’s disrespectful
So Compelling, what does his wife say,do etc about it???
Dan
August 26th, 2009
12:17 pm
@Compelling
Would I stop? I’d about have to, if she had a problem with it. But I know few females that say anything about it. Most chalk it up to “Dan being Dan”
My question to you is, what’s the problem? Girls that I’ve dated and liked a particular celebrity or whatever, I don’t get jealous when a commercial comes on or we pass a billboard and she melts. So what’s the problem? Accessibilty?
Compelling
August 26th, 2009
12:17 pm
@ ARed-
just bein’ real.
@ Melo- Oh my uncle doesn’t keep women for long, lol. They’re not together anymore and he’s already moved on to the next. They all get tired eventually but my uncle seems to think that they’re the problem and not him. He doesn’t realize or doesn’t care that he’s the common denominator…
Raqi
August 26th, 2009
12:17 pm
I wonder if these guys that are with these women or expecting women to be okay with them blatantly gawking at other women would be okay if she did the same looking at other men in front of him.
I’ll just say this, when a woman don’t care, she has her reasons. Don’t fool yourself.
Dream_n
August 26th, 2009
12:22 pm
@ Dan.. That’s completely correct… We can gawk at Maxwell, Chris Brown, Idrs Elba….. we are not going to date nor marry the guy….But you gawking at Tisha, Candy, or Renee, yeah there just might be a chance…..
Raqi
August 26th, 2009
12:24 pm
Chris Brown? Dream_n how old are you? LOL
Dream_n
August 26th, 2009
12:25 pm
@ Raqi- completely true.. I would def wonder why my girl/guy isn’t a tad bit offended is their significant other is looking at another person… Their prolly thinking go ahead and look…. I’m actually touching lol
Dream_n
August 26th, 2009
12:27 pm
@ Raqi I’m 23… lol… You have to give it to him, that boy is cute:)
Compelling
August 26th, 2009
12:28 pm
Raqi that’s very true, she doesn’t care for a reason.
@ Dan I don’t think that it’s an issue with accessibility so to speak. It has more to do with respect for me. Appreciating the way that a woman looks and admiring her beauty is one thing, but flat out gawking and turning around to admire her while you stand next to the the women who has your “body, heart, and soul” is blatant disrepect and careless. It really comes down to where you guys draw the line. If you both agree that it’s okay, then hey, she’s a better woman than I. I’m not saying it’s wrong because that’s your relationship, but I just have a list of what I like to call “won’t tolerates” and that’s one of em. I was just curious to hear a different perspective on it.
East Point's Own
August 26th, 2009
12:29 pm
Dream_n I find it disrespectful for women to gawk at even celebrities. I do not, and will not gawk at any female celebrity around my lady. I would even say its fine to say that XYZ person is fine or whatever around me, but some ladies go on,and on about what they would do to XYZ celebrity, or they have phone wallpapers/computer screen savers of these dudes…and that’s going too far to me. If you gotta scream and fan yourself when you see XYZ celebrity on TV(while I am sitting right next to you) I think you crossed the line, whether they are accesible or not.
I can go to a stip club with a lady and not act like some women do when they are with their man and a celebrity they like is simply mentioned by name.
Melo
August 26th, 2009
12:31 pm
But I know few females that say anything about it
i dont know the type of women u date bro but from my experience,no serious woman will give u a pass on that,unless ofcourse she has her own side show she dont want u to harp on,so she maintains her silence.
For the lyfe of me unl;ess smeone is dating a porn star, i dont know many females who are comfotable with that kind of diss coz it wld be a diss if my woman gwakked at another man in my presence.
I keep my head in a harness when im with Queen,even tho it pains my neckk, i have to respect her presence!
If i really have to look, i will pass a jocular comment,either a non genuine diss of the woman or smething creative so at least we can both have an extended look at her,for my eyes’ benefit ofcourse(unbeknown to her).
Raqi
August 26th, 2009
12:35 pm
Dan even with a celebrity in a magazine or on the television I maintain a level of respect with my husband. He is my husband and I owe it to him just like him to me.
Dream_n
August 26th, 2009
12:36 pm
@ EPO- Well maybe the word “GAWK” is being given many meanings….. I have absolutely no problem with a guy that I’m with saying a celebrity is attrative or even getting a little bit excited if they cross the screen. Now if they’re going to their concert with the intentions of trying to get backstage… NOW we have a problem. It’s perfectly normal for “us” to have crushes on celebrities.. I think everyone has one.. it’s oookkkaaay. BTW “It’s okay to go to a strip club if you’re in a relationship, but I can’t fan myself when I see a video”?????????
Raqi
August 26th, 2009
12:38 pm
unbeknown to her You think, huh? LOL
She gon stab you in that eye one day Melo.