You’ve already met
If I think about all the men I’ve met, dated, dumped, or were dumped by, I really can’t imagine that I would end up with one of them one day. I am pretty sure that if we were “meant” to be together, then things would have happened the first time we crossed paths. What if that’s not the case, though?
I have heard a lot of couples say that they reconnected through Facebook, or found they were living in the same city, and things clicked instantly. Do you think that we meet people at certain times in our lives for a reason?
Is it possible that you have already met or dated the person you are supposed to marry? Do you believe that it’s about timing? How much do you think our life experiences change us? Is it possible that a person can be right for you now, but was wrong for you years ago?
I could be a hopeless romantic here, but do you believe in destiny? Do you think that whatever happens in your love life is going to happen because of destiny?
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269 comments Add your comment
Poppa Grande
August 24th, 2009
2:58 pm
Leggs
All they see is that piece of paper! It changesSOME people.
Fixed it for you. It doesn’t change everyone. Most of the time, people didn’t change at all. Just that part of them hadn’t been exposed yet. People give signs all of the time that we don’t heed.
The Real Rell - CHILD PLEASE
August 24th, 2009
2:59 pm
the legal paperwork in place make a difference?
- jedi mind trick!
Leggs
August 24th, 2009
3:01 pm
Thanks PoppaG because I’m an advocate of using the word “some”.
Poppa Grande
August 24th, 2009
3:03 pm
Kym
Sex is natural, birds,bees, and all animals do it.
I understand where you are coming from. However, some people don’t believe that we are part of the animal kingdom. Plenty of religions forbid the thought of evolution. Heck, we even had US Supreme Court cases where one party is trying to forbid the teaching of evolution. So, it can be conflict for some people.
The Real Rell - CHILD PLEASE
August 24th, 2009
3:03 pm
bed undefiled in the eyes of God according to the bible.
- hey raqi do you think PORN defiles the bed or lustful thoughts…i went to a retreat once back in my day…and porn was included in the act along with lustful thoughts….what do you think?
Raqi
August 24th, 2009
3:05 pm
kimmie you know my dad raised us in the way that he felt was right but he allowed us to live our owns lives with condemnation from him. He never said anything to me about the times I would drop my boys off at my parents’ house to go spend the weekend with Mason. But I was never disrespectful before him about it. I didn’t ask him “dad can you watch my boys for the weekend while I go lay up bucket nekkid in a hotel for two days with my boyfriend”. That would have been disrespectful to him and how he taught me. But he knew who I was spending time with.
He hated that I lived with whitebread but he only pressed the issue of not liking whitebread because he did not trust him. He never condemned my for getting pregnant with my second but I still knew what he stood for and what he believes to be right. And I believe it also that’s why I would have those brief moments of guilt every now and then.
Melo
August 24th, 2009
3:06 pm
Sex is natural, birds,bees, and all animals do it
dont the bible say we have dominion over animals?? I wldnt put myself and animals in same boat.
personally, i wish i were a virgin be4 i got married coz sexx def got me into problems.From my story(as Poppa says) i wld say God is abolutely right,no sexx be4 mariage and if u experience a strong urge to sexx,pray, so u can overcome that.
Most of us dont pray thats why we glorify fornication and see it in a cavalier way.
Hope u be forgivven u sinners! Thsts ur only hope,othersie u go to hell.
Raqi
August 24th, 2009
3:06 pm
It’s not that sex is not a natural act or emotion but it like so many other things has its rightful place and that is said to be within a marriage.
Blow Me ....Please don't feed the MONKEYS!
August 24th, 2009
3:08 pm
**Melo** **>strong>I have felt alot of things after sex regret maybe but guilt never that
Our values are no the same Kym.
I was talking of the sense of guilt u wld feel if u fornicate.After the blessed wedding,its all systems God.
God will be helping Swiss to take down her underwear!**
Exactly MELO…that’s probably the best time! I can’t wait to see how that feels! I am gonna wear his ass out!
Raqi
August 24th, 2009
3:08 pm
No Rell I don’t. I do believe bringing another person into your bed is defiling because sex with that other person is sex outside of the commitment and bond that the husband and wife share alone.
I believe in the whole you become one when married with no one else in between.
Poppa Grande
August 24th, 2009
3:09 pm
Leggs
No problem.
First, I have always said that marriage isn’t for everyone. Religion, society, fairy tales, etc. tries to tell us otherwise. But, it isn’t for everyone.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 24th, 2009
3:11 pm
Leggs – Also, that same “guilt” and upbringing makes certain things uncomfortable, if not almost impossible for me to do. Like very casual hookups, purposely having a baby out of wedlock and shacking. One guy I was very close to marrying said he would not marry anyone that didn’t shack at least one year with him. He knew I had issues with that and it was not going to happen. Both of my parents were alive then too. It would have disappointed them to no end. I could not go against everything that I had been taught AND believed. That was not the reason we broke up at all, but it was a touchy subject.
Raqi
August 24th, 2009
3:12 pm
As for the legalities of marriage and the holiness of it, I believe it’s not merely the paper that you sign to make it legal before the state but it’s also the vows that you make before God for those who believe marriage is established and instituted by God.
I believe marriage is before God.
i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)
August 24th, 2009
3:14 pm
“… Sex is natural, sex is good
Not everybody’s done, but everybody should
Sex is natural, sex is fun
Sex is best when it’s 1 on 1….”
D@mmit, see what you all went & put in my head….
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 24th, 2009
3:14 pm
Raqi – My parents were the same way. I can identify with what you’re saying.
My mom used to tell me too – there’s a WAY to do everything.
SexyCool - First name, Crazy.
August 24th, 2009
3:16 pm
Shacking. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Will not be shacking in the future.
Sexual relations. I’m less than perfect. It is what it is. I’m cool with me and where I am with it.
And on a semi-related note, my pastor encouraged me to make sure that I made it to church on Sunday via FaceBook. I finally accepted his friend request. After church, I had an opportunity to sit down with him and have a conversation with he and his wife. And it’s official – He is real people. And understands the difference between religion and relationship. And I heart real people.
Melo
August 24th, 2009
3:17 pm
GOD, is the Ultimate Father,the Supreme Father.
If u cant at least recognize his authority,even tho u may not follow to the tee what he may want out of u…then hmmmmmmmmmm.
Raqi
August 24th, 2009
3:17 pm
My oldest told Mason after we got that he was glad Mason made me an honest by marrying me.
At his young age he understands that fornication is not looked at positively before God but that doesn’t stop him from doing what he does either. He knows to not get disrespectful with it also.
Leggs
August 24th, 2009
3:18 pm
@kimmie, thank you for your honesty. That is why I’m glad the “twinge” is there. That twinge merely incorporates your morals, your scruples, your pride, dignity and respect for yourself. Your parents did a great job with the only two that are speaking on this….you and Raqi. Sure others feel this way, but you two are speaking on it. My morals have never gotten in my way, but it seems to get in the way of others. Glad you got the twinge. Many women should have it and listen to it.
The Real Rell - CHILD PLEASE
August 24th, 2009
3:20 pm
I do believe bringing another person into your bed
- a man will hold that image in his head or act and bring it to the bedroom
Professor...she works hard for the money
August 24th, 2009
3:20 pm
…stepping in for a moment.
@Randyt…thanks I will keep that in mind.
@melo/Raqi…I do understand what you are talking about…esp. you Raqi as it relates to if you are raised a certain way. One of my names have a deep meaning as it relates to not having sex…it is rough when I think about it and see or hear my name. My folks knew what they were doing…lol
Melo
August 24th, 2009
3:21 pm
i was watching a discovery channel show on saturday, trying to scientifically tell how the earth was formed(many billions years ago) and the process it took and how satellites are formed etc.
scary stuff,if u think about it or saw it…..
thats why i neva want to speak ill about GOD,my weaknesses not withsatnding.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 24th, 2009
3:22 pm
Thanks Leggs!
Leggs
August 24th, 2009
3:24 pm
I believe marriage is an institutiion sanctioned by God. However, I’ve also seen the hangups people bring to the table by having that “piece of paper.” What I am saying is those that merely believe IN the paper and not in the institution are the ones that fall and fall HARD!
Kym
August 24th, 2009
3:25 pm
@Poppa G I usually say “We all got our walk.” Don’t start with the evolution stuff..I remember having to get a permission slip to discuss that in class, along with sex education. I like to say I was raised by with country, baptist, sprinkle in a catholic, bible thumping, realists. Yeah they said wait to get married, but just in case you are hard headed like we were…here are the facts. Once you have the facts then you choose, but damn it you will have the facts. Never once did they make me feel like I was going to die and go to hell because of sex or that God would not love me or be disappointed in me. Different folks..different strokes
Poppa Grande
August 24th, 2009
3:25 pm
Melo
Off- theoff topic discussion- Have you seen the movie called “District 9″?
I only ask because it is set in Johannesburg. I’ve seen it. It is a sci-fi lovers dream.
Raqi
August 24th, 2009
3:27 pm
those that merely believe IN the paper and not in the institution
Leggs there lies the great divide.
Melo
August 24th, 2009
3:28 pm
Poppa, i havent.
Beautiful loves MV7
August 24th, 2009
3:28 pm
**Why not give an ex a second chance, based on their changes and maturity?**
that’s cool, but only one! and it also determines what they did to damage the relationship on if they should get a 2nd chance. imo.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 24th, 2009
3:29 pm
Poppa – SO really wants to see that. Is it good?
Kym
August 24th, 2009
3:30 pm
@Melo well if I am going to die and go to hell I will not be alone..Would you like me to save you a bleacher or aisle seat?
Beautiful loves MV7
August 24th, 2009
3:30 pm
i’m ret-2-go already . . .
y’all have a good one!
Ms. Main
August 24th, 2009
3:31 pm
personally, i wish i were a virgin be4 i got married coz sexx def got me into problems.From my story(as Poppa says) i wld say God is abolutely right,no sexx be4 mariage and if u experience a strong urge to sexx,pray, so u can overcome that. Most of us dont pray thats why we glorify fornication and see it in a cavalier way.
wow – that was golden…I cosign
Yep Raqi to everything you’ve said. That’s how I was raised as well. Didn’t follow during my early twenties, but gotta respect. Did the cohabitating, will never do that again. But ummm, yeah to you Melo and PG.
Dan
August 24th, 2009
3:31 pm
Interesting discussion….
The spiritual requirements vs. state/societal requirements….
Few single people articulating the differences though
Raqi
August 24th, 2009
3:31 pm
Never once did they make me feel like I was going to die and go to hell because of sex or that God would not love me or be disappointed in me.
Kym neither did my parents. But I have to say the mere teachings of sex belongs with the marriage coupled with respect yourself and your body kept me from giving it to any and every Tom, Richard and Harry as I was growing up as a young lady.
As a parent myself I now that my kids will not adhere to every moral and principle that I try to place within their mind but I do believe it gives them a great foundation to built on.
Melo
August 24th, 2009
3:32 pm
Leggs,the Paper thing u talk about is caused by the fact that,nowadays,some pple look at marriage more as “status” symbol and not just as a step in the journey of ones lyfe.
Like Poppa said, if pple cld get accustomed to the fact that some get married,others dont,our minds cld be much clearer about marriage.
No wonder we have so many divorces now.
Plus just the capitalism of it all.
Ms. Main
August 24th, 2009
3:32 pm
Today’s topic……sure why not. Different time and place, some things would probably play out differently.
Kym
August 24th, 2009
3:33 pm
Like the old hymn goes “Everybody talking about heaven..aint going.” <<<so channeling Granny today
Professor...she works hard for the money
August 24th, 2009
3:34 pm
District 9 was great! PG good question I am looking forward to hearing Melo’s take if he saw the movie. I will say this I did not like that the Nigerians were running things I felt it added to the sterotypes and some folk forget how big Africa really is it is a continent not a country Nigerians west Africa…Johannesburg South Africa, I am bias when it comes to Nigerians
Ms. Main
August 24th, 2009
3:35 pm
Not to mention, God knew for most, sex is more than an act and you have all that other baggage that comes with giving yourself to someone. The bond, ties, connection (emotional that is), so from my take it would spin better (as most becom fully entertwined) to be wholly connected to your spouse. IMO
Raqi
August 24th, 2009
3:36 pm
As far as religion and beliefs go, being human and erroring is one thing, but blatantly disregarding God and his wants for mankind is going way off the deep end.
God knows us better than anyone. He knows our nature. Heck he gave it to us. But that doesn’t mean we should smear out the conscience that he gave us. It keeps us mindful of him.
Leggs
August 24th, 2009
3:37 pm
Leggs,the Paper thing u talk about is caused by the fact that,nowadays,some pple look at marriage more as “status” symbol and not just as a step in the journey of ones lyfe. I’ve been spitting this for quite some time!
Melo
August 24th, 2009
3:38 pm
Would you like me to save you a bleacher or aisle seat?
nope.Trust me, im a sinner like u but if i ever have to get a chance to say i apologize for everything i did,be4 i die,i will repent to God and leave the rest to him.
I wont go in ,die hard like u seem to be suggest(aisle seat?).
I have seen/experienced ghosts,evil spirits etc so i know,there is a dark side to dead, real bad pple.
Knowledge is power.
Dan
August 24th, 2009
3:38 pm
@Melo
Ion know about the “[glorification] of sex”, that’s on the individual.
I mean, prior to the current incarnation of the Christian religious tradition, sex was thought (and still is in some current religions) to be a path to spirituality and experiencing the divine.
I’ve thought of sex like that from time to time. Doesn’t contradict my religious beliefs in the slightest.
Raqi
August 24th, 2009
3:38 pm
sex is more than an act
Ms. Main my mother warned me about that. LOL
Poppa Grande
August 24th, 2009
3:39 pm
Leggs
That is why people must decide if marriage is for them, and then choose wisely.
I definitely believe that it can be a great thing for people who are truly prepared. I also believe that marriage can be a bad thing for people aren’t prepared for it.
I’ve always referred to my marriage as a business entity because that is what motivates me to make it work. No one wants to start a business that will fail. I try to make decisions that will benefit the marriage even if it is at my detriment at time. We have financial meetings, recreation meetings, etc. like you would have at work. It sounds alot like what Raqi alludes to when she says “Respect the marriage”. at least in my mind
Also, business entities have articles of incorporation and such that is similar to a marriage license to me. So, it seemed like a good legal analogy.
That is the process that I had to go through prior to marriage to get marriage
Melo
Ok, I just wondered if you had seen it. It is interesting. It had definite references to apartheid in it and reference to
Poppa Grande
August 24th, 2009
3:42 pm
Professor
I know that the aliens were called Prawns which is reference to some kind of King Cricket species found in South Africa called a Parktown Prawn or something like that.
For Real
August 24th, 2009
3:42 pm
“A 10 hours drive with barely 10 words spoken by me.” – WTF!!!! I don’t know about yall but Mase will get my PLAYA OF YEAR MOVE vote. I mean dayum he managed to keep RAQI, RAQI quite for 10 fuggin hours!!! The man is a fuggin Genius!!!!
Leggs
August 24th, 2009
3:42 pm
I think your analogy is perfect. It works for you.
Dan
August 24th, 2009
3:44 pm
@PG
It’s funny that you should make that analogy.
A friend of mine was DEAD SET on not being married but having a “commitment contract” (or something like that). Dude was so serious, he was trying to find legal precedent to justify it.