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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Too Soon?

After a break-up, it’s natural to want to get back out there and have a fling. It’s also normal to want a distraction from the misery and void the person has left in your life.

The problem is that sometimes you have post-relationship goggles. You see someone who is probably far from the ideal mate for you as The One, simply because they take your mind off, well the last The One.

Rebounding from a serious breakup takes time and it really needs to be realistic. I have been the rebound girl before and it only bothered me because the man didn’t tell me how recent the break up was. Actually, it turned out being “a break” not a break up, and our short-lived romance ended with a reconciliation with his ex-girlfriend. The one that I had no idea existed in such recent history.

If you want to return to dating after a break up, what do you think is too soon? If you are still having angry outbursts about your ex, is it really a good idea to start a relationship with someone?

Do you disclose your relationship resume, including dates, to the person you are seeing?

Do you think it’s possible for a new romance to have a good chance if one of you just got over a break up?

Do you think men and women rebound at different rates? Or is it more about rebounding in a different way?

481 comments Add your comment

Melo

August 20th, 2009
11:32 am

Please do not feed the monkeys! Please MELO stop it

BlowMe,one thing i like about Ared(no,i aint trying to get in her pants) is that she different and not shy to state her postion and defends it logically and vigorously unlike some ladies here who like to sing kumbaya to evry other female mate or keep quiet for some unknown reason. I hate that.

We all different so let it come out in the posts.Ill defend ur right to feel and write the way u do.
I like u too BlowMe coz u dont mind verbally biaatching anybody on here!

AmazonRed™ - so what?

August 20th, 2009
11:33 am

In lyfe u got please Urself coz if u dont but please other outsiders,u die internally.

Schizo angry ranters aside, there has been some good discussion and gems today.

melo – I forgot that you had been married before.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 20th, 2009
11:34 am

Professor – Thanks.

Professor…Miles Davis is playing

August 20th, 2009
11:35 am

@ Mike I run as if I Jason were behind me, and no I don’t fall. There comes a time if someone hurts me that I do not want them to say “sorry” because I know you are sorry as in pathetic and I do not want to hear an explanation. Whatever logic justified their decision to hurt me in that “little peanut brain” I don’t want to know or care…just goes Go GO!

AmazonRed™ - so what?

August 20th, 2009
11:35 am

Shoot I am trying to stick around for this match I love boxing and I hear ARED-ALI is warming up to Bone Crusher, “Never Scared”

Professor – There will really be nothing to see. She can think what she wants about me. At the end of the day, I stick up for myself, but I really don’t care what folks think of me. I post my opinion and either you can get with it or get funky with it. The choice is yours if you want to waste energy on someone who is gonna keep doing her cuz she likes who she is and is secure in herself. ;)

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 20th, 2009
11:36 am

Awwww Man My song is on.. Le Femme Parallel by Thievery Corporation.. Its a good day ya’ll. I got good music on, had a great nights sleep and I feel sharp as a tack today. Jumpin Back to Kiss Myself and yellin “Ohhhh Glory” like Aunt Ester

Chink

August 20th, 2009
11:36 am

Mike — if I want a explanation it might be because I was suprised by the breakup. My last relationship ended because it was too much (drama) going on…I didnt want to explain I thought it was evident by my actions that I was through.

It took me about 6 months to really heal…9 months later I met someone who trumped him in every way!

But I do wonder about those relationshops that were long 5-10 yrs and then they break up and they marry someone else immediately …what happened? What did the new person do that would make them take that extra step?

For Real

August 20th, 2009
11:37 am

Kimmie: Umm you can’t be callin me sweet on the blog I got rep to keep. Are you wearing a fitted blouse today? If so, can you sigh deeply for me?

Kick Em: That’s a difficult question to answer and the answer will vary base upon the person. That being said, I agree no one should ever pine for another person. I think she should accept the truth: One she know from day one and it was repeated 100’s of times that I was not going to be in a relationship. Two accept the fact the we both grow and learned thing about ourselves when we were together. Three stop lying about the fact that I was good for her.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 20th, 2009
11:41 am

Ooops, sorry 4 Real, yeah you gotta keep your street cred!LOL!! No, a denim sundress today with a cardigan sweater.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 20th, 2009
11:41 am

Professor – Nah now I’m listening to Skye “Stop Complaining” of the album “Mind how you go”.. Awww I got a fool IPOD..

Blow Me ....Please don't feed the MONKEYS!

August 20th, 2009
11:41 am

Why is everyone waiting for the so called bf? lol!

For Real

August 20th, 2009
11:42 am

Mike: Like my paw-paw use to say “Some foke jes don’t mean you no good” those are the people to stay away from. Why would you need an explanation from a person that wants to hurt you. Run Forrest Run!!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 20th, 2009
11:43 am

Skye – Stop Complaining

I don’t know why
But I cant seem to find the right melody today
I can’t make the words fit how I feel
I don’t know when
Was the last time that I slept the whole night through
And when morning comes around I feel tired

I woke up from the strangest dream
With a dancing dog and a beauty queen
They said nothing, nada, niente
I’m empty

But Your here and I’m here
So I stop complaining it could be raining
And I see the answer in your eyes
Your here and I’m here
I keep on singing just keep on singing
Singing

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 20th, 2009
11:43 am

But I do wonder about those relationshops that were long 5-10 yrs and then they break up and they marry someone else immediately …what happened? What did the new person do that would make them take that extra step?

Chink – That’s always amazed me! Never understood it but that’s one of those hurting things – mine was 3 years though.

AmazonRed™ - so what?

August 20th, 2009
11:44 am

For Real – Thanks for answering.

I think with time and experience you get better at accepting the truth. Like, she probably never should have dated you in the first place, if she wanted a relationship. But you gotta go thru it to learn.

For Real

August 20th, 2009
11:45 am

Kimmie: How you gon let demi in your sundress… umm wait, (denim) nevermind… Well can I at least squeeze by you reallllll slow?

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 20th, 2009
11:47 am

4 Real – LMAO!!!

AmazonRed™ - so what?

August 20th, 2009
11:49 am

But I do wonder about those relationshops that were long 5-10 yrs and then they break up and they marry someone else immediately …what happened?

Chink – There is a theory that folks who are out of “difficult” long term relationships latch on to the person who is seemingly simple. Like if your ex was a nag, and the new girl doesn’t complain about anything, you feel you hit the jackpot. And because you’ve been in such a long relationship, you are already commitmentminded, so it feels natural to take the next step.

Blow Me ....Please don't feed the MONKEYS!

August 20th, 2009
11:49 am

blah blah blah blah blah. But so secure and stop responding…Silencio. You can feel however you want to feel. That’s fine. I am just gonna call you on the carpet with your stupidness…

Pretty Wings

August 20th, 2009
11:49 am

Afternoon !

Y’all are HOT today!!!!

@ ARED – Nice Pics!

@Kimmie – There is value in the valley – just look up girlfriend!

@Professor – Miles D. always centers my thoughts and soothes whateva ails me
(usually with a lil vino)

On Topic:
Be honest, clear your path then move forward! If someone does not take the time to heal, lets be honest, they are just looking for their next vic (victim) and no one wants to be a casualty of the dating game.

Because I’ve been there, I can usually spot someone who is on the rebound after talking with them. If I bring what I know to their attention and they respond honestly, friendship and understanding will be offered, if they want to play,I keep it moving.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 20th, 2009
11:50 am

Aqualung – MorCheeba

Battle cries
We make the swift retreat
Paradise
It don’t come cheap
Square up to fight
Like dynamite

The flight is young
We’re getting deep without an aqualung
Our will is strong
We got to work at where we’re goin wrong

Buttercup
I think we missed a turn
Back it up
You’d think I’d learn
Your gel ignites
Sets truth alight

The flight is young
We’re getting deep without an aqualung
Our time is long
We got to find where we’re coming from

Square up to fight
Like dynamite

The flight is young
We’re getting deep without an aqualung
Our will is strong
We’ve got to work at where we’re going wrong

Light years from here
We’re gonna burn up in the atmosphere
It’s crystal clear
We’re coming swinging on the chandelier

Professor…Miles Davis is playing

August 20th, 2009
11:50 am

@ARED thanks for letting me know because I will head to lunch (lemon pepper wings I am craving) and step out of this blog for a minute. I will say this I do admire you for posting your thoughts and experiences even if they go against the norm on this blog. Most of us were taught this, but somewhere along the line we either lost it or never really had it so good for you.

Personally I try not to post certain things on the blog because I know it goes against the grain, and I don’t feel like “virtually” dragging folks around…it would be different if they would meet me on Sylvan Rd and we could do the darn thing.

AmazonRed™ - so what?

August 20th, 2009
11:51 am

I am just gonna call you on the carpet with your stupidness…

And I will do the same.

For Real

August 20th, 2009
11:51 am

Kick Em: I know alot women think it’s a waste of time if the end result isn’t marriage but I believe if you learn something especially about yourself it’s never a waste of time cause the more you know yourself the better choices you make. Since we met her career has taken off, she has rid herself of some friend that were holding her down, she stop focusing on what she doesn’t want and now she has a better understanding of what she wants from a man. See I don’t call that a waste of time at all. Hurt feelings yeah but feelings are like gas, it passes.

Cuse Me!!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 20th, 2009
11:54 am

Hey where is W8 and the crew!!! I hadnt heard from them since their wild party.. Thats right!

Mike Jones (who)

August 20th, 2009
11:54 am

Thanks fellow bloggers

I already laced up my NIKES!

AmazonRed™ - so what?

August 20th, 2009
11:58 am

Most of us were taught this, but somewhere along the line we either lost it or never really had it so good for you.

Professor – Thank you for your words. And at the above, that’s why it always baffles me that so many folks take issue with common sense. :lol:

Enjoy lunch!!!

Professor…Miles Davis is playing

August 20th, 2009
11:59 am

@PW yes Miles is smooth! I agree about offering friendship if the dude is honest!

@DK you are going to have me downloading some of those tunes

***Like my paw-paw use to say “Some foke jes don’t mean you no good”****

Paw-paw hit the nail on the head

AmazonRed™ - so what?

August 20th, 2009
11:59 am

Hey hey hey For Real…I didn’t say it was a waste of time. I know you made it general to women but I think with maturity we see it your way.

Hurt feelings yeah but feelings are like gas, it passes.

You know I’m with you there!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 20th, 2009
11:59 am

This does lead to an interesting side speculation. If one has been through the “breakup” routine too many times, does one get to the point where he/she will not let oneself get in too deep? My last serious relationship in many ways was my best and should have been the one to go the distance, and yet deep down I think I was unwilling to let my guard down and fully care. I wonder this because I got over her toooooo easily. That is scary.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 20th, 2009
12:00 pm

Mike – Most times people arent explaning to you.. They are explaining for themselves.. Unloading the extra baggage from the relationship. I mean after my relationship was over I wrote my EX on several occasions to just clear the air and get some stuff off my chest. Im sure she got a great kick out of it and laughs her a$$ off til this day but it wasnt even about her, it was about me giving her back to her because I didnt want to carry it anymore. It was part of the healing process.

Melo

August 20th, 2009
12:05 pm

I wonder this because I got over her toooooo easily. That is scary.

the other day,maybe 2 weeks back,u said u were meeting 40 yr olds that were really good etc and my playa sense was like,why aint he settling on one then?,hes playing the field then and enjoying his lunch,dinner and desert.
:lol: :lol:

i think u answered my unasked qstion.
Enjoy the horny ride bro! :lol: :lol:

For Real

August 20th, 2009
12:06 pm

Writing styles of DK:

Dear Yvette,

I’m writing you with me on my mind. Giving you back what I can’t carry. No, no, I got tested for that remember… anyway, here is the bill to yo visa.

Love
DK

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 20th, 2009
12:08 pm

For Real – Thats about the size of it..

Pretty Wings

August 20th, 2009
12:09 pm

For Real – your 11:51 was funny and on point!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 20th, 2009
12:11 pm

Thanks Wings!

Professor – I’ve been wanting some lemon pepper wings lately, think I might go try to find some!

Mike Jones (who)

August 20th, 2009
12:14 pm

Infamous

That makes sense.
The old saying “standing back from situations gives you the perfect view” is true

Sometimes I want to talk to her and get some things off my chest. But then I think…WHATS THE POINT?? Thats like getting bit by a Snake and asking the snake for a reason

AmazonRed™ - so what?

August 20th, 2009
12:15 pm

Shyt. I was *dead* at Yvette! :lol: :lol: :lol:

SexyCool - If you could feel my joy.

August 20th, 2009
12:16 pm

Coming in late like Julie Lucas with the big fur coat on.

How many rounds did I miss? Can I place a bet?

More teasing.

mytw♥cents

August 20th, 2009
12:16 pm

I’m confused about why people treat it like a novelty that someone posts like they’ve been posting, whether that’s for the good, the bad or the ugly. It’s really not. For the most part, folks are consistent whether they fall under Positive Patty, Bitter Betty, Flip Flopper, Wise but Weary or whatever. Some people just enjoy the sport of pickin others apart no matter how consistent or common sensical that are.

MELO How long was your first marriage and would you have married Queen if she had been divorced? Or was it like a ring-less but under God marriage that was immediately dissolved with your phone call?

KIMMIE Hugs! Be happy that was Blessed to experience a love like that for most of her life. Some will live twice as long and not have the opportunity.

Chink

August 20th, 2009
12:16 pm

ARED Hmmm that makes sense

Melo

August 20th, 2009
12:16 pm

Sorry about ur friend Kimmie

Pretty Wings:what pics?? i dont have them.

AmazonRed™ - so what?

August 20th, 2009
12:20 pm

Sometimes I want to talk to her and get some things off my chest. But then I think…WHATS THE POINT?? Thats like getting bit by a Snake and asking the snake for a reason

Mike Jones – That’s strength.

Sometimes you have to find closure all on your own. Some times people’s behavior simply does not make sense.

Ms. Main

August 20th, 2009
12:20 pm

Kimmie I don’t believe men ACTUALLY bounce back sooner or better than women at all. They may get back in the game physically, but mentally – no. A lot don’t really give themselves time to GRIEVE.

That’s why I said “it appears”…I think men hurt (if truly loved) like women, I just think they take a different route during the grieving process….I concur

Professor Personally I try not to post certain things on the blog because I know it goes against the grain, and I don’t feel like “virtually” dragging folks around…it would be different if they would meet me on Sylvan Rd and we could do the darn thing.

Which is why I post like I do…doesn’t matter who cosigns, agrees, likes or dislikes. Its’ my story, my life, my take, my outlook, my opinion…like it or lick it. Melo said it best in his 11:32. Not necessarily the fact that’s he’s cosiging Ared in particular but the kumbaya-ing

Pretty Wings

August 20th, 2009
12:21 pm

@My Two – Say That!!!!!!!!!!!!!I know it sounds trite but misery loves company.

@Melo- Wouldn’t you like to know!!!!!!!!!!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 20th, 2009
12:23 pm

Mike – I felt like that. i felt like that would be a sucker move.. but when i did it.. It allowed me to move forward and put the past in perspective. I became more relaxed and my aira changed.. I felt an instant change in me. See its one thing to tell a friend but when you get it off you.. its gone.. I feel if more people sat down and discussed differences, more relationships would be saved and there would be less animosity in separating..

AmazonRed™ - so what?

August 20th, 2009
12:24 pm

Which is why I post like I do…doesn’t matter who cosigns, agrees, likes or dislikes. Its’ my story, my life, my take, my outlook, my opinion…like it or lick it.

:idea:

Only to add, I don’t care if it sounds strange, delusional or on my high horse to anyone else either.

SexyCool - If you could feel my joy.

August 20th, 2009
12:25 pm

What? No fight? I’ma start one.

Sexy: You stupid.

Cool: You lame.

Sexy: You smell funny.

Cool: You smell just like I do.

Sexy: Shut up.

Cool: Make me.

Sexy: I’ma tell you daddy.

Cool: I ain’t got no daddy.

Sexy: You stupid.

Cool: You said that already.

Pretty Wings

August 20th, 2009
12:26 pm

Gotta go……..1pm meeting ……..hope I can get back b4 5.

Melo

August 20th, 2009
12:26 pm

mytw♥cents:

she actually had a ring(queen has no ring but all others :arrow: ) a court wedding + traditional rites. Union was like,hmmmm 3 yrs.She was good woman,we had no kids but i wasnt ready for marriage, i was playing the field and did not want the “being tied down scenario” Unfortunately,she died after our seperation and be4 we dissolved it.
If Queen had been divorced,its possible, i still wld have married her coz my feelings/thoghts on women with kid(s),divorced etc had shifted by then.
Be4 i even married 1st one, i had a good romp with a divorcee with one kid.One of the best women i ever dated.She died in a car accident tgether with her hubby and 2 kids i believe.
My dear uncle just bullshytted that relationship and i benched her.
One of the finest fillet mignon puddsy i ever had in my bachelor days,that divorcee,holy jesus! :lo: :lol: