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Clocking In

One of the things that single women really like about meeting a new guy with potential is his willingness to share his time with us. The mystery man can be sexy and alluring in his own weird elusive way, but the man that is consistent and open with his life gets taken a lot more seriously.

I have noticed that a man who wants to be in a relationship with a woman he truly desires he makes the effort to show her who he is. It’s like a subtle way of reassuring her that he wants her to be comfortable with him. At the same time, I think a woman who wants to be in a relationship with a man would be open to showing him that she is just as invested as he is.

I admit that I have a big problem with this. I know, you’re shocked, right? Maybe it is because I have been single for 100 years or have dated some possessive men in my past. I just don’t like it when a guy wants me to clock in, tell him where I am all the time, etc. I realize it doesn’t look good when I answer the question, “Where are you?”, with “Why?”, but it’s a bad habit. I’m working on it though! I think in a way I think that relationships represent a loss of freedom that I cling to…a little too hard.

Do you have a problem with checking in with someone you are dating? Do you think it makes the person feel more a part of your life?

Have you ever felt like dating someone was like a job where you had to clock in and put in some work? Why do you think it feels that way? Is that a sign that you are not ready to be in a committed relationship?

If the person is right for you, would you mind that you were giving up a little freedom to be with them?

195 comments Add your comment

Melo

August 19th, 2009
12:09 pm

Hey Poppa(or any other political junkie in here),waaaay off topic:

Qstion:

1.On bills in the senate and house,how do they reconcile them if they differ, so as to come up with one? Does the reconciled bill have to be voted for again in both houses?

2. do u think the Dems have the votes in both houses to pass a health care bill without any single Republican vote?

Beautiful ♥s MV7

August 19th, 2009
12:11 pm

**I like the fact that Swiss Miss calls me at work at least 3 times a day and checks up on me whenever we’re not together**

that’s sweet.

@Grace
i jus found out the other day that i’m attracted to alpha males. *where are you?* with that alpha tone will have me all smitten. :o )

Wise Diva

August 19th, 2009
12:20 pm

no no Melo, I am soo not a playa, LOL I got boundary issues, man. It’s not cute, not at all

SlimOne

August 19th, 2009
12:23 pm

Hi and bye yall.

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
12:25 pm

Melo

On bills in the senate and house,how do they reconcile them if they differ, so as to come up with one? Does the reconciled bill have to be voted for again in both houses?

They are used reconciled in what is called “committee conference meetings”.

2. do u think the Dems have the votes in both houses to pass a health care bill without any single Republican vote?

Not if Pres. Obama drops the public option. There are plenty of democrats that are opposed to any bill that does not have the public option.

If the public option stays, it will be very close. Too close to call.

Tazzee - On Cloud 9

August 19th, 2009
12:36 pm

SlimOne Hey Lady!!! How are things in your world.

PoppaG I was so sad when I heard Corinne’s husband died. Love her voice.

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
12:36 pm

Hey, Slim :grin:

Bye, Slim :sad:

Melo

August 19th, 2009
12:41 pm

thanx Poppa

WD,if u have boundary issues, u may be giving off that vibe,albeit unwittingly.Any discerning man will pick that and say,oh well,shes not the keeping type.
From my experienced perch,men’s behavior in a relatiosnhip follows a woman’s lead.
If shes so into him from jump and he observs that by her actions,even if he has some trifling hoes on the side,hes bound to drop them down quick, like a hot iron, only coz there is a good babes in the vicinity that he does not want to dissappoint.
But a foxy and slippery but beautiful babes can still get his attn albeit temporarily.That one gets play,for only one reason and that reason alone.
So pick ur poison ladies.

Bibay

August 19th, 2009
12:47 pm

Good Day! Off topic- the Maxwell show in Savannah was pretty cool (liked the smaller venue)- loved Chrisette Michelle live- saw her on TV once and she was not so good. On my way to pick up Ledisi’s new CD today- she is absolutely wonderful in concert. Would love to hear from Corinne Bailey Rae again.

On topic- If you are married or in a significant steady relationship- checking in should not be a chore- especially with all the craziness going on out here today. There should be a healthy balance of it where it does not get to excessive that the individuals start driving each other crazy.

Tazzee - On Cloud 9

August 19th, 2009
12:47 pm

Lost my post…

SlimOne Hey Lady! How are you?

Tazzee - On Cloud 9

August 19th, 2009
12:48 pm

oh well, I guess it did post…

Dan

August 19th, 2009
12:49 pm

Did Melo just drop some knowledge hours after describing “canal thrusting”?

Am I still drunk, or did that actually just happen?

Melo

August 19th, 2009
12:56 pm

Dan??!!

“melo” is just my MIA screen name.

“Canal Thrusting”, is my first and last name.

Simp

August 19th, 2009
1:00 pm

While being in a relationship, you go a day or two without calling. Why is it your mate thinks the worst?

Leggs

August 19th, 2009
1:01 pm

@BiBay ~ I saw Chrisette a few months back on tv for the first time. I should have known that the way she sings her songs she made her face contort. Not nearly as much as Rachel Ferrell, but it surprised me nonetheless. The young woman is deep!

Melo

August 19th, 2009
1:06 pm

Tazzee, u on cloud 9??

some special happen??

Grace

August 19th, 2009
1:07 pm

AmazonRed™ - I, Robot

August 19th, 2009
1:15 pm

“Canal Thrusting”, is my first and last name.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I really hate you melo!

AmazonRed™ - I, Robot

August 19th, 2009
1:16 pm

While being in a relationship, you go a day or two without calling. Why is it your mate thinks the worst?

Depends on the person and how far you’ve progressed in the relationship.

If you are used to speaking every day, then a couple of days will be noticed and could be a big deal.

Grace

August 19th, 2009
1:23 pm

Melo you made much sense @12:41

Beautiful ♥s MV7

August 19th, 2009
1:27 pm

**While being in a relationship, you go a day or two without calling.**

um, you will be hearing from me! *tapping toe*

Tazzee - On Cloud 9

August 19th, 2009
1:28 pm

Melo – nope, just in love…

AmazonRed™ - I, Robot

August 19th, 2009
1:33 pm

From my experienced perch,men’s behavior in a relatiosnhip follows a woman’s lead.

Yuck! :lol:

SexyCool

August 19th, 2009
1:33 pm

I would say that Melo’s 1241p goes both ways.

SlimOne

August 19th, 2009
1:42 pm

Tazz sorry I dipped out before I saw your post. I’m cool, just living one moment at a time. Still no J O B. Well gotta go. peace again

Hi Poppa :-)
Bye Poppa :-(

Dan

August 19th, 2009
1:49 pm

@SC

Would you care to elaborate (1:33)?

Melo

August 19th, 2009
1:51 pm

Explain ur self SexxyCool,re 1.33pm

thanx Grace.

Tazzee,aha!

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/news/story?id=4409318 She looks manly to me!

SexyCool

August 19th, 2009
2:05 pm

Meaning – If he’s into her from jump and she observes that by his actions, she’s bound to lose interest anyone else who may be pursuing her quickly, like a hot iron, because there is a good dude in the vicinity that she does not want to dissappoint.

And it doesn’t necessarily have to be “from jump”. How do you know “from jump” if this person is worthy of you being “so into”?

There is value in getting to know some things about a person first. I’m not going to risk being “so into” a person until I have a better idea of who they are. (I’ve learned better.)

M'

August 19th, 2009
2:15 pm

I got an interview tomorrow…yahooo!!!

Chink

August 19th, 2009
2:18 pm

Slowww Wednesday…No problemo checking in, I had to get used to it though after having a single spell. I like for men to set the tone of the relationship….

Melo

August 19th, 2009
2:20 pm

SexyCool,when i said men take the women lead, i meant that.Not the other way round,as u put it up there.

In most dating relationships, a woman puts her cards out on the table, waay be4 a guy does.Thats what i meant and thats what i observe.As much as we dont admit it,our women folk make us,they make us better pple,they make us settle down,they make us go the lenghts and breadth so we can be with them.They mould us.Women mature,waaaaay more quickly than we do,even as we are dating.We take the cue from them.
So, in keeping with todays topic,if the chic is serious about the dude and is checking her man like she wants to coz shes feeling him like that, and he notices that and likes that too and realizes,u know whaaat,she waaaay better than shanequaia,buguzheala and tryneece,hes going to dump those other heifers real quick!
U may not know that tho,but thats what normally happens.

AmazonRed™ - I, Robot

August 19th, 2009
2:23 pm

In most dating relationships, a woman puts her cards out on the table, waay be4 a guy does.

melo – If that were true, why are so many guys still afraid of commitment.

Many women make it known either directly or indirectly that they want a relationship. Many women are happy to have a man approach them and are receptive to that (if they are open and available to a relationship).

So where is the disconnect?

Dan

August 19th, 2009
2:25 pm

Melo has a point.

I’m checking for who checking for me. If I’m just dating a number of women at a time, then I’m in search of the one that reciprocates my interest. And she’s the one that gets the most attention.

In that sense, it’s mutuality. Reciprocity.

Leggs

August 19th, 2009
2:25 pm

Excellent news, M’. Stay positve.

SexyCool

August 19th, 2009
2:26 pm

Melo – I understood what you meant perfectly. Trust. Also, I have no problems ‘leading’ either. All I’m saying is this – before I put myself out there with a guy, I’m going to get to know some things about him first. All out from jump, for me, is a No-Go.

Oh. And if you’re feeling me, I ain’t gotta ‘check’ you.

SexyCool

August 19th, 2009
2:28 pm

Dan – Your 225p says something a little different that what it seems Melo is saying.

I, too, am all for reciprocity. A $10 word, by the way…LOL!

Melo

August 19th, 2009
2:40 pm

So where is the disconnect?

the disconnect Ared,is that those men u meeting have an ingrain problem,”commitment phob” or some other commitment problem.Its not the woman’s problem or ur problem.
In most likelihood,the man u are going to marry eventually will be at the ripe age but still playing the field,when u meet him.He will proly have a cpple of trifling heifers on his rotation.But when u step up to him,and he realizes he has a good woman here,thats when he lights up,mentally.
Another thing,when u meet a guy,say nothing about a long term relationship or marriage.Just act a lady and dont jump his bones like that(u knw what i mean).Just be as good as u are and if he got it,it will register.
I been single be4 and single men are scared of 2 wrds:”pregnant” and “marriage”.
The Gods havnt blessed u yet,but its coming!

before I put myself out there with a guy, I’m going to get to know some things about him first

Scool,i hear u.

Lord Velonese (insert trendy Quote here)

August 19th, 2009
2:43 pm

Lord I’m glad I’m single.

SexyCool

August 19th, 2009
2:43 pm

Thanks for hearing me, Mel.

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
2:44 pm

Fear of commitment is just a general term. It doesn’t really explain anything.

Honestly, I could say that Wise Diva’s boundary issues or certain bloggers fear of people using their bathrooms being fear of commitment issues.

The reasons for the disconnect is different for each person. For me, it was timing. When I wasn’t ready to settle down and I didn’t. I wasn’t afraid to let females know upfront.

For others, it is this “clocking in” issue. For even other people, the fear to commit is due to not being ready to give up the variety that comes with being with different people.

It is not one clear answer.

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
2:45 pm

SexyCool

A $10 word, by the way…LOL!

I don’t get paid for another 10 days….so can I please get a $5 word, instead?

AmazonRed™ - I, Robot

August 19th, 2009
2:45 pm

melo – there is a lot I could say to your n 2:40, but I’m just gonna say thanks.

LOL @ the jump your bones part. No worries there. :lol:

Melo

August 19th, 2009
2:51 pm

Ared, say it.
Im open and i know some single lurkers will benefit.

AmazonRed™ - I, Robot

August 19th, 2009
2:54 pm

melo – It’s not important. Just me being cheeky.

SexyCool

August 19th, 2009
2:54 pm

PG – Just for you, let’s use “give and take.” LOL

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
2:55 pm

Melo

BTW, I get what you are saying.

I just always explained it as “feeding off of each other” (and not in a 9 1/2 weeks kinda way). Both parties, male and female, really feeding of each others vibe. I don’t really see any real leader. One side gives cues and the other makes move off said cues. it goes back and forth.-

I been single be4 and single men are scared of 2 wrds:”pregnant” and “marriage”.

Oh yeah, those two words are the plague because they both mean dude has to someone else will be invading his space, life, money, and time. Some aren’t ready for it, and literally run for the hills.

AmazonRed™ - I, Robot

August 19th, 2009
2:59 pm

melo/PG – Heck, I’m scared of the “pregnant” part. I’ve stopped just short of the “no pregnancy guarantee.” :lol:

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
3:00 pm

SexyCool

Just for you, let’s use “give and take.”

Thanks!! :grin:

Now, I can get cheese on my burger.

SexyCool

August 19th, 2009
3:03 pm

PG – I like your breakdown. Now THAT, I can get with.

Dan

August 19th, 2009
3:05 pm

I like reciprocity….so that’ll be my substitute for “give and take”, “yin and yang”, etc.

@Tazz

Congrats on “being in love”!