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Clocking In

One of the things that single women really like about meeting a new guy with potential is his willingness to share his time with us. The mystery man can be sexy and alluring in his own weird elusive way, but the man that is consistent and open with his life gets taken a lot more seriously.

I have noticed that a man who wants to be in a relationship with a woman he truly desires he makes the effort to show her who he is. It’s like a subtle way of reassuring her that he wants her to be comfortable with him. At the same time, I think a woman who wants to be in a relationship with a man would be open to showing him that she is just as invested as he is.

I admit that I have a big problem with this. I know, you’re shocked, right? Maybe it is because I have been single for 100 years or have dated some possessive men in my past. I just don’t like it when a guy wants me to clock in, tell him where I am all the time, etc. I realize it doesn’t look good when I answer the question, “Where are you?”, with “Why?”, but it’s a bad habit. I’m working on it though! I think in a way I think that relationships represent a loss of freedom that I cling to…a little too hard.

Do you have a problem with checking in with someone you are dating? Do you think it makes the person feel more a part of your life?

Have you ever felt like dating someone was like a job where you had to clock in and put in some work? Why do you think it feels that way? Is that a sign that you are not ready to be in a committed relationship?

If the person is right for you, would you mind that you were giving up a little freedom to be with them?

195 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

August 19th, 2009
10:34 am

Taz – I don’t pay for a lot of the concerts/plays/sporting events that I attend. I’m actually hoping that I can get the hook-up on this play.

If not, this is one that I am willing to sacrifice for since it’s been so long since I actually bought a ticket to anything.

Beautiful ♥s MV7

August 19th, 2009
10:35 am

lol @ Melo. i would do it to you so good it would bring a tear to yo eye. hehehe.

and the ticket betta be 1st class cause this is 1st class na na comin’ yo way! lol.

Professor...I cannot get enough of this K'Jon

August 19th, 2009
10:38 am

@PG thanks I will have to add Badu to the list.
@ARed I cannot stand the massive text messages…irritating. Nor can I stand it when a dude has the same convo with everyone he is seeing and you can just tell the lies are rehearsed. Instead of teaching HR I need to teach these suckas Game 101 so they can play better.

Off Topic: I wish someone would add K’Jon to the line up.

Leggs

August 19th, 2009
10:39 am

Just one tear. Hrmph! :lol:

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
10:39 am

Tazzee

Just got tix to the Maxwell concert. I don’t really care for him but my BFF does and he’s coming her birthday week so I got some.

We went to the Savannah concert three weeks ago and it was pretty good.

I actually enjoyed Chrisette Michele better but I realize that Maxwell wasn’t singing to me.

I’ve seen Common many times. He opens for a lot of people. The last time that I saw Jill Scott perform, he opened for her.

Beautiful ♥s MV7

August 19th, 2009
10:40 am

@Infamous
respect . . . agreed. but i think theres a diff between dating checkin’ in and exclusive checkin’ in.

if i’m dating you, you might jus get the *i’m home* after leaving you from a date check in.

Fulfilling Me (Rested!)

August 19th, 2009
10:42 am

@Professor

Wow, you teach HR? Nice. I am working on my master’s in HR and Business Admin. I love K’Jon. His song just lifts me up at the right moment.

Beautiful ♥s MV7

August 19th, 2009
10:43 am

@Leggs
lol. and when its ova, he will curl up in the fetus position.

Leggs

August 19th, 2009
10:46 am

@Beaut ~ much better! Carry on!

@Infamous ~ that one sentence said it all. Here we are going on with paragraphs. Thanks!

Professor...I cannot get enough of this K'Jon

August 19th, 2009
10:51 am

@Fulfilling…Yes! At times it seems like HR is always somewhere in my life. I teach HR and I am a senior level HR executive. No wonder I like reading you it must be that HR connection! Do you work in the HR field currently?

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 19th, 2009
10:52 am

Morning blog peeps!

In my dating experiences, dudes who were vague about their whereabouts were vague about everything else, including the status of our “relationship”! They were not into me, or they were into me and a few other people! Either way, they always made it a point to let me know there was no ring on their finger or one they placed on mine, so they were free to come & go as they pleased. I politely let them know I only got one mama & daddy too and even they didn’t keep tabs on me since I’m grown, but I just would like a little respect!Keep in mind I am NOT the clingy type! But when a few days would go by & later I hear that dude has gone out of town, one even LEFT THE COUNTRY and didn’t even mention it in casual conversation – there is a problem! They were playing games and would act all foolish when I would let them know it was a lack of respect I felt, not that I was trying to keep tabs on them. If something bad had happened, I would have no idea and if something bad happened to ME, THEY would have no idea and you know what? They didn’t even care! That let me know they had no concern for my wellbeing so they became history.

Now in other relationships, including my current, things just come up in conversation and questions are not intrusive, but out of genuine concern, respect and for making plans. Easy.

Melo

August 19th, 2009
10:55 am

to you so good it would bring a tear to yo eye

Angie,I like crying and mourning so thats all good.
I know u’ll cry too,there :arrow: or squirt,as Rell likes to put it.
I am making sure i bring lots of wipes 4 u.Been a loooong, long time since u had it so good.
:lol: :lol:

Tazzee - On Cloud 9

August 19th, 2009
10:55 am

SexyCool – see I don’t have it like that…or maybe I could, it’s just that when I want to see something I buy tickets and ask questions later.

PoppaG – yeah, the last time I saw Common was when he opened for Jill Scott at the Fox. I’m hoping I’ll get to see more of Chrisette Michelle than when she came with Musiq and Anthony Hamilton. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll grow to like Maxwell…

Professor – Is K’Jon’s entire CD good? I was wondering if he was going to go the way of that dude that came out with that song last year – the one with the funny name singing about ‘by the river’ or something like that.

I got Ledisi’s latest. I love her voice.

SexyCool

August 19th, 2009
10:57 am

Actually, Taz – You are the one that has it like that. :LOL:

Melo

August 19th, 2009
10:58 am

Hey Raqi,hwz Elizabeth???

Leggs

August 19th, 2009
11:00 am

Typical misunderstanding between men and women. Beautiful said bring a tear and Melo’s talking about crying! :wink:

Professor...I cannot get enough of this K'Jon

August 19th, 2009
11:03 am

@PG did Maxwell sing a lot of songs from his new CD when you saw him in Savannah?

@Tazzee I am feeling his entire CD. I have my tix to the Maxwell concert as well so I am looking forward to the show…I really hope they give Chrisette Michele a longer timeframe than they did at the Anthony Hamilton concert.

@Kimmie I agree with your post 100%

M'

August 19th, 2009
11:06 am

Nope…ain’t never done it…ain’t never gonna do it…cain’t do it…I never clocked in with my daddy…in his house…and some man…hehehe…nope.

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
11:06 am

Tazzee

Chrisette did some impersonations while singing. It was quite impressive. She had Erykah Badu down pat. However, the whole theater jumped to its feet when she did a portion of her song as if she was Anita Baker!!

Beautiful ♥s MV7

August 19th, 2009
11:08 am

**long time since u had it so good.** you know, you right! but instead of wipes, have a towel close by.

there she blows! lol.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 19th, 2009
11:08 am

It’s been a minute since I’ve been to a good concert. I don’t know who I really want to see though.

Melo

August 19th, 2009
11:09 am

no misunderstanding Leggs.
Hw u gonna shed a tear without crying??
HW u gonna squirt without a real ugh ugh,up ur canal??

Beautiful ♥s MV7

August 19th, 2009
11:11 am

@Poppa
have you heard of Corinne Bailey Rae? i think you would enjoy her too.

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
11:11 am

Professor

did Maxwell sing a lot of songs from his new CD when you saw him in Savannah?

There was a good mixture of all of his songs. He did all of the famous ones. Of course, he did Pretty wings. I think that I remember more songs for Embrya than the others.

Melo

August 19th, 2009
11:12 am

I wld want to see Bruce Sping### or Micky Jagger and the Strolling Bones or even watch a footbal game in the Dome when one of the QBs is Bret Forever.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 19th, 2009
11:13 am

I’m not sure how I fall on ths question. My only comment is that a red flag for ME is when I find myself not WANTING to “check in”. If calling becomes a chore for me that is telling me that something is not working right. It could be something fixable like fatigue or something, or it could be a symptom that I just don’t enjoy talking to that person. If that is the case, then it might very well be time to move on. In one relationship I was in, that I really thought was heading toward marriage, it eventually reached the point where we would have more and more sex and less and less talking. That does not sound like a bad trade for a guy, but it made me seriously wonder if that was all we had in common. Turns out that it was.

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
11:13 am

Beautiful

have you heard of Corinne Bailey Rae?

Most def. I have her CD and I’ve seen her perform in London. She is very good, too.

Beautiful ♥s MV7

August 19th, 2009
11:14 am

@Kimmie
the last concert i attended that had me on my feet from beginning to end was my babies New Edition. right now there’s really no one coming to my area where i wanna spend big money to see.

Leggs

August 19th, 2009
11:15 am

Again Melo, she said “bring a tear to your eye.” She didn’t say “shed” a tear. Not all tears fall.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 19th, 2009
11:15 am

OK I am sickened by this young dumb a$$ dude getting on the news talking bout the world is his after he slams a baby against the wall and shoots his mother during a robbery. I hope they have him doin a booty doo in jail..

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
11:16 am

Melo

Bruce gives a good show.

I was really disappointed with the Stones. It was okay, but you could tell that they were just going through the motions. They’ve done concerts for years, and it really showed. It was almost like they were sleepwalking.

I am contemplating going for U2.

AmazonRed™ - I, Robot

August 19th, 2009
11:16 am

If you send a mass multimedia/picture message to a Blackberry… every single phone # which the msg was sent shows up in the “To” field.

:shock: Dayum. I had NO idea!

Whooo…that’s probably caught up a few sloppy pimps!:lol:

AmazonRed™ - I, Robot

August 19th, 2009
11:20 am

Ared: Imma change your to “Kick Em”

For Real – It fits.

Once you take all the emotional crap out of dating, you can see things real clear! :lol: Kick em!

MsM

August 19th, 2009
11:21 am

Enter your comments here

M'

August 19th, 2009
11:21 am

@Poppa G

That is b/c them old cats don’t want to pull a Steven Tyler…falling off stage and breaking dem old bones…lol.

Melo

August 19th, 2009
11:23 am

I am contemplating going for U2.

U2 gives a good concert and so does Bruce.
I dont think there is anybody out there,R ‘B,that i wld care to waste my money on.Maybe that girl,Prince!
Cant even talk of that “balls clutching” contigent they call rappers…

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Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
11:25 am

M’

That is b/c them old cats don’t want to pull a Steven Tyler…falling off stage and breaking dem old bones…lol.

Keith Richards’s brain is so fried that he probably wouldn’t realize that he broke a bone.

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
11:29 am

For Real

Hangover 2 comes out Memorial Day weekend 2011.

Professor...I cannot get enough of this K'Jon

August 19th, 2009
11:32 am

Thanks PG!

Melo I love Prince he is my favorite performer. Bon Jovi is #2.

Leggs

August 19th, 2009
11:33 am

I want to see Chrisette Michelle but have a track meet. Who knows, I may wind up like Sonya Richardson’s mom crying in the stands like she did last night!

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
11:37 am

Professor

I love Prince he is my favorite performer. Bon Jovi is #2.

Both of these artist give a good show. I’d also put Mechelle N’Ddgeocello up there in giving a good show. She isn’t as commercial as Prince or Bon Jovi, but she is darn good.

M'

August 19th, 2009
11:40 am

@PG

So true…when he dies they will not have to embalm his arse…he IS the walking dead..lol…and his face looks like the road map to hell when you see him in HD.

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
11:42 am

Angie

Speaking of Corrine Bailey Rae, I hear that her that she has a new CD or one coming really soon.

She has been on hiatus since her husband died from a suspected drug overdose.

Leggs

August 19th, 2009
11:52 am

That’s my girl – Mechelle N’Ddgeocello! Love her, but can’t say her name.

Poppa Grande

August 19th, 2009
11:59 am

Leggs – I don’t think that I spelled it right, but you know of whom I am speaking. Therefore, in the words of George W. Bush, “Mission Accomplished!”

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 19th, 2009
12:00 pm

PG / Melo

U2 puts on a h3ll of a show… I’m not crazy about the last couple of albums, but they generally do a lot of older stuff live as well. I highly recommend it…

On topic: I think PG pretty much hit the nail on the head — it’s all about what you really want and what you’re willing to sacrifice for what you want. Then again, I hesitate to call it a sacrifice, because when you decide that you really want to be committed to someone, it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice to give up that freedom. I like the fact that Swiss Miss calls me at work at least 3 times a day and checks up on me whenever we’re not together — lets me know I’m important to her… :-D

Melo

August 19th, 2009
12:02 pm

Leggs,just call her “Ndochi”

M'

August 19th, 2009
12:05 pm

@Melo

Youse in rare form today bro…hehehe

Grace

August 19th, 2009
12:05 pm

I don’t like the term “clocking in or checking in” I have no problem if a guy I’m dating exclusively asks me “where are you”? but the tone of it will be the determining factor of an answer. had no problem in the past and I see no problem in the future.

Dating takes work, just like anything else in life, it does take work for two strangers to become a union. getting accustom to personalities, getting used to a picky eater, if the person is a sports junkie and you’re not, that’s work right there esp with football season right around the corner. :)