She Only Loves in Stereotypes
I recall having conversations about politics with friends after President Obama won the election. We were discussing if this would mark the beginning of a post-racial America and what that really meant. What would happen if we began to see one another simply as people? How would it change how we perceive one another if we could interact without stereotypes?
If were to be honest about it, we all have stereotypes and prejudices about people: gender, racial, cultural, socioeconomic, you name it, we’ve all had them or fought them. The one that I battle personally the most: Black women are too angry and have too much attitude. I am super friendly, smile all the time, and I’m opinionated. Does it bother me to get stereotyped? Sometimes it does, sometimes I don’t care. I can only really worry about working on my own stereotypes I have about other people.
Dating stereotypes. What do you think we can do about them? Is it good to discuss them and address them head on? Do you think some things are better left unsaid? Have you missed out on the opportunity to date someone because you got hung up on some stereotype? Do you regret it?
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368 comments Add your comment
MistaO
August 18th, 2009
11:15 am
A big sterotype for Blackmen is that we all want white women. Not! It kills me when I’m just conducting regular business and some white chick gets all knotted up thinking I may try to get at her.
Funny thing is, from my experience, more women approach BM than the reverse scenario…
M'
August 18th, 2009
11:15 am
I personally would not date someone who has an iced out grill, baggy pants, tatted up etc. and I will add…do-rags, processed hair (on men) and gang associated apparel to the list…
Those are images that do tend to conjure up some prevalent stereotypes about certain groups of ppl affiliated with those things…probably as much as my dreads do for some ppl also…but behind each projected image is a personal identity with volition and free will…so while I do have preferences for what appeals or does not appeal to me…I often times will ask a person about his/her personal motivation for doing something…like with tatts…I am interested in finding out why it was done…what is the meaning of the tatts, etc…baggy pants, I write of to contemporary youth culture…except when old dawg in like in his 40’s sporting that style…lol…but there is a very big distinction between preferences and stereotypes.
For Real
August 18th, 2009
11:15 am
Kym: that is fugged up I hope they find that punk azz and strang him up. What is up with these b*tch ass men now a days? I mean dayum beating a baby because of a chick???
Tazzee - On Cloud 9
August 18th, 2009
11:17 am
Kym – that article made me sad. Why mess with the baby – sorry Suckas!!!
M'
August 18th, 2009
11:17 am
Oh no…not the rusty needle nose pliers…lmao…ooouuuccch!!!
Leggs
August 18th, 2009
11:20 am
@ARed ~ I was concerned about getting “Vitamin D” too, but knew I wasn’t going the hoochie route. I turned down so much over the years that the “deposits” that I could have gotten would have been enough to pay my mortgage off. Well, a little exaggeration, but you get my drift. Being a respectable woman was more important to me than being someone’s jumpoff. HAAAAA, I have no dobut they grew out of it!
For Real
August 18th, 2009
11:21 am
Lets clarify this baggy pants ish. I don’t and will never wear tight jeans or pants. Now if yall are talking about pants/jeans worn below the azz then okay but tight jeans on For Real don’t work. In the words of Jayz “my AAD don’t fit” or something like that….
All these tippy-toes in the house. Where is the main tippy-toes?
M'
August 18th, 2009
11:24 am
@Rell
I have always referred to the loose fit style jeans as “hip-hop” jeans…now mind you they can also be worn below the hip…lol…but “hip-hop” jeans and the baggy, too large, drooping boo-tay jeans ain’t necessarily “hip-hop”…dey be below the hip drop…lol
Humble
August 18th, 2009
11:25 am
A-Red, what exactly makes a man be in the category of having a “baby mamma”? Does that mean if they simply have a child then it is a problem, no matter what the circumstances around that may have been?
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 18th, 2009
11:25 am
I think my stereotypes got stereotypes
Light skinded girls with bootys bought it
Light skinded dudes with nappy hair got that hair replacement
Dark skinded women with good hair bought that
Dark skinded dudes with good hair got a perm
White skinded dudes with afros can jump
White skinded women with a booty doo can run fast
The lesson here is stereotypes can make you look stupid.
Melo – I had locs for 8 years and recently cut them when my son got his first haircut. My entire back is covered with a tattoo but you would never know it because I aint out there with my shirt off with my pants sagging around my ankles. I actually have quite a bit of artwork on my body but not grossly overdone and everyone of them means something to me. I havent had any complaints about my artwork.
Repeat after me - Sexy. Cool.
August 18th, 2009
11:26 am
I understand and appreciate looser jeans for comfort and so on. But clothes that are just too big and ill fitting for no good reason are a turn off for me.
Tazzee - On Cloud 9
August 18th, 2009
11:29 am
Rell – on the white car thing – I laugh at myself whenever I think about it.
AmazonRed™ - It's not complicated, you are.
August 18th, 2009
11:32 am
Does that mean if they simply have a child then it is a problem,
Yes. I wouldn’t call a child a problem, but yes it’s a concern for me.
Ponyo
August 18th, 2009
11:33 am
@M What is the big distinction? How are preferences developed??? What makes you choose to date one type over another? I personally believe that preferences are developed through one’s belief of stereotypes. It is possible that the exterior does not define what’s on the inside BUT how many people take the time to see that? First impressions are almost always based on the outward appearance or image. It’s hard to admit that we all are guilty of judging someone by their cover but we ALL do it everyday!!
DJ Sniper
August 18th, 2009
11:34 am
Yes M, the rusty needle nose pliers. lol I also want a similar punishment for those fools who did the home invasion and beat the 1 year old child in the process. WTF are these fools smoking?
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 18th, 2009
11:35 am
I like to wear tight jeans so the ladies can see what im working wit.. Ha ha ha ha!! Imagine that..
I wear my pants to drape nicely. Cuff hitting the shoes just enough to bend the crease. Fitting so I can put things in my pockets with out it looking like Im happy to see everybody and of course if I get the unexpected boner I can put my hand in my pocket and play it off. Pi-yow!
Mo (aka Moeisha aka Katt)
August 18th, 2009
11:36 am
“Where is the main tippy-toes?”
In the words of Mystikal, Here I Go!! Whats up For Real!
Hello All!!
Tazzee – I have no words for that story, just sad though.
Tazzee - On Cloud 9
August 18th, 2009
11:40 am
MistaO Hey Man! How ya been?
M'
August 18th, 2009
11:41 am
@ponyo
Otay now…some simple logic…I have a preference for red shoes over black…where is the stereotype????…I simply prefer the color red…now, if I believe that red shoes are only worn by children and whores…lol, as some do believe…then I have applied a stereotype to red shoes…otay….thank you.
DK
I was just reading that…WTF ditto…the world done gone completely mad, inhumane and insane.
Melo
August 18th, 2009
11:46 am
My stereotypes,like anybody else’s,mean im biased.
It dont mean those biases are accurate,on point nor warranted.It just means we all myopic smetimes and it takes some consiousness to get rid of those biases.
Growing up, i used to say that i wld neva date a chic with a kid.That changed at some point.Im sure and i hope my other stereotypes will fade with more awareness and learning of other pples.
Humble
August 18th, 2009
11:47 am
A-Red thanks for clarification. Personally I do have a child. A beautiful 4 year old son. Being private about the circumstances, it is just him and I now. I don’t feel that there would be any cause for concern in that situation. Is your concern with the child? It is definitely not his fault. The father? Could be a very good man with very unfortunate circumstances. Or the “mamma”? even if she is no longer with us.
Le Siren
August 18th, 2009
11:48 am
DK
I got a couple more stereotypes for ya…
All overweight women secretly hate thin ones
White ppl who have a slightly wider than average nose or hair that frizzes whenever it rains have black blood and don’t know it
M'
August 18th, 2009
11:49 am
<strong.It’s hard to admit that we all are guilty of judging someone by their cover but we ALL do it everyday!!
Well, there is a difference between prejudice (the thought) and discrimination (the behavior)…we can have a plethora of prejudices about anyone and everything…and that is a rather innocuous issue…but when we act on those thoughts by conveying behaviors of discrimination…then we are engaging in a negative perpetuation of bigotry in motion.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 18th, 2009
11:54 am
Dang M’ all them big words
Melo
August 18th, 2009
11:56 am
Humble,why do u feel like justifying ur situation to Ared??
M'
August 18th, 2009
11:56 am
@DK
LMBAO 2x’s…hehehe…I am programming a library database for a non-profit…and I am surrounded by and handling books…for like a week now…hehehe..can you tell???…must be dat osmosis thang happenin’
Repeat after me - Sexy. Cool.
August 18th, 2009
11:58 am
Le Siren – There are a LOT of white people who have Black blood and don’t know it or STRONGLY deny it.
Can you say Bob Barr?
AmazonRed™ - It's not complicated, you are.
August 18th, 2009
12:01 pm
Humble – The concern is that I don’t want to be an instant parent. I’m not even sure I want kids of my own.
You should be concerned with anyone not willing to embrace your son and who didn’t want to be a parent to him.
The Real Rell - CHILD PLEASE
August 18th, 2009
12:02 pm
All overweight women – got the wettest juiciest box….TRUE…lol
Ponyo
August 18th, 2009
12:03 pm
Hmmm…good point! Now one could say that “preference” is a form of discrimination…right?? If you only date tall men aren’t you discriminating against short men?? See…it’s not all black and white. There is a gray area! Which brings me back to my initial point…preferences and stereotypes go hand and hand
Great posts today!!!
W8©
August 18th, 2009
12:06 pm
“Now question is every brotha with dreads for the cause?
Is every brotha with golds for the fall? Naw
So don’t get caught in appearance
it’s Outkast…Aquemini another Black experience….”
Humble
August 18th, 2009
12:08 pm
Melo – Not really a justification but we are here discussing stereotypes and my assumption is that the discussion is meant to break them or at least acknowledge that they can be incorrect. I have been reading this the last few days and it seems the same old story. Women always complain about wanting a “Good Man” and not being able to find a “good man”. In actuality a “Good Man” is not at all what they are looking for is it? Now don’t get me wrong, I fully understand attraction and personal preference as I have a few of my own. But if I am attracted to someone and I haven’t even had a chance to analyze the situation, just have a child is not a disqualification. We are not 18 anymore.
Melo
August 18th, 2009
12:09 pm
All overweight women – got the wettest juiciest box
I wld say tighest box! thats my experience coz they wld alwayz scream,”ooooohhh, ishhh,go in slowly please,oohhh,yuweeeee!”
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 18th, 2009
12:13 pm
Rell I dont know.. Those slim goodies got it swell now..
Leggs
August 18th, 2009
12:13 pm
Humble
August 18th, 2009
12:13 pm
A-Red – If a man is asking you to be an “Instant Parent” then I would understand. Its just like a woman looking for a daddy for her kid. I would never go for that myself. I handle everything and every responsibility, want and need that my child has. I never expect anyone to be anything to him except accepting. No one should be asking you to take on that responsibility.
Melo
August 18th, 2009
12:14 pm
We are not 18 anymore
true dat Humble but a negative stereotype is just a pref, a way of weeding out what u dont like,at face value, so that u concentrate on what u actually like.Personal prefs are just that,personal.It dont make them “right”,”accurate” nor “factual”
One man’s meat is another’s poison.
If u get that then ull understand and gravitate towards those who like what u got.
Le Siren
August 18th, 2009
12:16 pm
Sexy Cool-”There are a LOT of white people who have Black blood and don’t know it or STRONGLY deny it.Can you say Bob Barr?
You are RIGHT about that! I can usually spot them a mile away because my own family is so diverse…there was a great deal of passing after the civil war and the result is a whole sect of people who don’t know or choose not to acknowledge that they have black blood.
i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)
August 18th, 2009
12:22 pm
“All overweight women – got the wettest juiciest box….TRUE…lol”
That could just be sweat, you know…
AmazonRed™ - It's not complicated, you are.
August 18th, 2009
12:23 pm
That could just be sweat, you know…
The Real Rell - CHILD PLEASE
August 18th, 2009
12:23 pm
@Those slim goodies got it swell now
- OOOO of course…thats what i like slimmies..
i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)
August 18th, 2009
12:24 pm
LMAO @ Bob Barr…
You know, every time I look at him, I think of when Eddie Murphy was on Saturday Night Live & did that skit where he walked around the city made up like a white guy…. Looks just like him…
AmazonRed™ - It's not complicated, you are.
August 18th, 2009
12:27 pm
Humble my post to you got eaten, so I’ll try it again.
I date with a purpse. And I want to one day be married. That’s what I mean about “instant parent.” I can not marry a man with a child without his child being a factor. That kid still needs to be love and provided for.
I think people who say they don’t want a parent for their child in dating are not rooted in reality, or they only want do do a casual thing. How can the two most important people in your life (your kid and your s/o) not be intertwined?
A child is a person and not a habit you can get rid of. You need to factor in a child from the JUMP. Otherwise, why waste everyone’s time?
The Real Rell - CHILD PLEASE
August 18th, 2009
12:27 pm
@swiss…lol…it could be…but they squirt just like slimmer women…trust me on that….lol
AmazonRed™ - It's not complicated, you are.
August 18th, 2009
12:29 pm
I have been reading this the last few days and it seems the same old story. Women always complain about wanting a “Good Man” and not being able to find a “good man”.
Humble – I doubt you have been reading here for a few days because the women here are not on that “I can’t find a good man” tip. You’ll have to name names.
Humble
August 18th, 2009
12:31 pm
Bump
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 18th, 2009
12:31 pm
RELL – LMAO at you wrasslin with a voluptuous woman, sweatin and squirtin all over the place
Melo
August 18th, 2009
12:32 pm
Another stereotype: Big @ fat dudes pack it short!
(only the ladies can tell us if this is just a myth)
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 18th, 2009
12:33 pm
RELL AKA Duece Bigalow.. Dont be rubbin no foots now
i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)
August 18th, 2009
12:35 pm
LOL @ Rell — Hey man, I’m not gonna lie — I have f@#ked my share of big girls in my day, and I never had a bad ride…
Now, trying to avoid being spotted by anyone I knew with big mama, that wasn’t so fun… 