accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

She Only Loves in Stereotypes

I recall having conversations about politics with friends after President Obama won the election. We were discussing if this would mark the beginning of a post-racial America and what that really meant. What would happen if we began to see one another simply as people? How would it change how we perceive one another if we could interact without stereotypes?

If were to be honest about it, we all have stereotypes and prejudices about people: gender, racial, cultural, socioeconomic, you name it, we’ve all had them or fought them. The one that I battle personally the most: Black women are too angry and have too much attitude. I am super friendly, smile all the time, and I’m opinionated. Does it bother me to get stereotyped? Sometimes it does, sometimes I don’t care. I can only really worry about working on my own stereotypes I have about other people.

Dating stereotypes. What do you think we can do about them? Is it good to discuss them and address them head on? Do you think some things are better left unsaid? Have you missed out on the opportunity to date someone because you got hung up on some stereotype? Do you regret it?

368 comments Add your comment

Le Siren- Ya Mon!

August 18th, 2009
8:50 am

When I was growing up, my mother told me to never date someone from any culture that “treats women like second class citizens” ie Africans, West Indians, and some Latinos…I held onto that advice for several years. Last year I met a sexy, successful, hard-working, wonderful man who just happened to be Jamaican. Needless to say, that stereotype went right out the window…he’s my own personal Dexter St. Jock;)

Kym-The Sunshine is officially gone..

August 18th, 2009
9:02 am

Good Morning All,

Hmmm I don’t think there is much we can do about the sterotypes. All the convo in the world is not going to change what is in some person’s version of the truth. I mean you can address them but again it is up to the individual to want to change their preception. Heck I have my own sterotypes about men. Let’s see..

1. All short men have complexes about being short and they try to hard.

2. All dark chocolate men have complexes about being too dark.

3. All light chocolate men think they are too cute to poot..even the cross-eyed missing tooth dudes.

4. All men who were in frats in college and still wear said gear at the ripe old age of 50plus have a hard time with individuality and are the classic example of sheeple mentality.

5. All tall guys are packing..(this sterotype has been proven incorrect time and time again..and yet one does hold out hope.)

M'

August 18th, 2009
9:14 am

Well, I think, as WD stated, that we are all prone to stereotyping ppl based upon 1) a valid and rational assessment criteria (i.e. experiences or observations that have frequently presented themselves) or 2) from a personal bias and self-imposed limitation in dealing with others deemed “alien” or “foreign” (i.e unknown and unfamiliar to us)…but this does not mean that we can absolutely determine all ppl of any one particular group to have a collective behavior or attitude…in may be more prevalent in some ppl of that group…but not exclusive to them.

But yes, I have been stereotyped some of the typically associated patterns of behaviors assigned to us as a “group”…needless to say, they are the furthest thing from the truth about me…what I have learned is that it is usually the bigoted view of the other that “creates” this perception, not what I convey from within self…and it has become a point of amusement for me as I have grown older…nothing like a fool opening the mouth and letting me know what kind of arse I am dealing with upfront…makes my exit strategy a lot easier…lol.

As for myself, I am very much aware of my own biases regarding others…but rather than impose that preconceived perception on another person, I will allow each individual to define, articulate and express self first…and if that person then conveys a behavior or attitude that lends itself to the “stereotype”…so be it…I left the door open…ain’t my fault if they walked into the wall…lol

M'

August 18th, 2009
9:16 am

Dang…aint’ posted in a bit more than a week or so…and I write a novella…lmao

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 18th, 2009
9:16 am

@WD…Good Morning

“The one that I battle personally the most: Black women are too angry and have too much attitude.” The sad thing about stereotypes, whether one is black, white, pink or purple is that because a few have exhibited these qualities, ALL get tarred with the same brush. Are all whites racist, no, most I know do not even have it on their minds much at all…but because there are a few jackazzes with half their teeth missing who never graduated from grade school, we all get branded. Are all blacks carjakers and thugs, no, but because some are, all get branded. At the end of the day electing a black president may make some difference, but the real answer has to come from within…judging everyone individually for his/her strengths and flaws. But because of a few azzholes of all races, stereotypes continue. We should all be colorblind.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 18th, 2009
9:26 am

Re: Dating stereotypes

I do a lot of Internet dating. One of the things I always look at is whether the lady indicates that she likes men 5′10″ or more. On a really good day if I stand up straght, I might almost touch 5′9″ and short of climbing on to the “Rack” in the Tower of London and letting them start craking, I will never be tall. It is usually simpler to just let them go their own way than to try to convince them that looking into a guy’s eyes can be just as good as looking at his neck. But, it is what it is.

In dating, people have the right to seek whatever they think they want. It is not for any of us to question that, stereotype or not.

AmazonRed™ - It's not complicated, you are.

August 18th, 2009
9:28 am

Morning all,

I don’t think I miss out on people because of stereotypes, it’s probably more so of perference.

Yes, the guy with the cornrows, white tee and grill probably is just misunderstood. Yeah, I’ll never know.

Maybe short guys are better than the tall ones. I’ll probably never know that one either.

Yeah, you should see past his kids and baby mamas. I’ll still pass.

It’s not about what the stereotypes say, it’s about what I say.

~Red~ New to the A

August 18th, 2009
9:32 am

I grew up in an Interracial household, mom is white pops is black, so interracial dating/marriages were/are nothing to me. However, regarding stereotypes, we all see them, deal with them, and/or judge people based on them. Is it fair? Nah. But we do. Not only about race, religion, ethnicities, but also gender. Why is it that people STILL believe a woman’s place is at home in the kitchen?? Come on now, in this day and age, more and more women are out makin just as much bread as the next man, sometimes even more.

To add to Kym’s.

All black men are packin…ha! While a lot are, there are quite a few that can’t fit the gold boy they claim to wear.

Skinny ninjas have the biggest dikks. I’ve seen that to be true in a lot of cases, but not all.

Oh, and I never heard of the “tall man” stereotype, Ima hafta check that one out n test that theory lol.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 18th, 2009
9:33 am

@M
“As for myself, I am very much aware of my own biases regarding others…but rather than impose that preconceived perception on another person, I will allow each individual to define, articulate and express self first…and if that person then conveys a behavior or attitude that lends itself to the “stereotype”…so be it…I left the door open…ain’t my fault if they walked into the wall…lol”

Excellent. That is the way I do it to, whether regarding dating, race, sexes, whatever. Sometimes they don’t, sometimes they do.

Chink

August 18th, 2009
9:35 am

What is short for a guy? I thought 6ft was average height and anything under that would be considered short. But after talking to guys who are 5′9-5′10 they consider themselves average height. If they consider themselves average than short would be around 5′5-5′7 and I dont see many men in that range??? Just wondering …

Chink

August 18th, 2009
9:37 am

All black men are packin…ha! While a lot are, there are quite a few that can’t fit the gold boy they claim to wear

LOL

~Red~ New to the A

August 18th, 2009
9:39 am

@Chink I’m only 5′2, so to me a guy who is 5′8-5′10 is avg. Above that is tall, and just the way I like it lol. Statistic wise I’m not sure of measurements, but I think individual females would give you opinions based on their own height.

~Red~ New to the A

August 18th, 2009
9:40 am

Oh, and I’ve met some men 5′5-5′7….that ish is hilarious! Lol. Not down here yet, I moved from Detroit and there were quite a few lol.

Melo

August 18th, 2009
9:42 am

Skinny ninjas have the biggest dikks. I’ve seen that to be true in a lot of cases
:lol:
All tall guys are packing..(this sterotype has been proven incorrect time and time again
:lol:

whats the name of the website where i can get these measurements and stats of all these skinny and tall ninjas WD???!!

:oops: u tested ALL their lengths on ur vjays?!
whaaat?

Leggs

August 18th, 2009
9:42 am

Good morning.

Although we are asked “not to judge a book by it’s cover” we always do. Getting past sterotypes is a daily battle. Getting past the superficiality of a person to get to the root of who they are takes a lot of work that most no longer care to labor at. Personally, I try really hard to take people at face value and, as M’ so eloquently stated, if you walk into that wall, it’s all on you!

One of my major sterotypes is a skinny man and a skinny woman…bones clacking everywhere.

@Kym, what the heck is “sheeple” and why is the sunshine gone?

Panda17

August 18th, 2009
9:42 am

I also think that it is more a matter of preference with me. I try not to stereotype people because I battle them everyday. For example, I am single and I have four children so therefore most men I meet think that I am easy or that I am searching for a father for my kids. I am neither. I am a black woman, so of course, I must be angry, I am not. I am a relatively quiet person, so therefore, I must be unhappy, I am not. People are always asking me what’s wrong? because I happen to be a quiet person, the only thing that is wrong is people keep asking me what’s wrong.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 18th, 2009
9:43 am

How tall are the national average height of men in America? (from Google)

The average male American mens height is 177 cm, which is 69.7 inches, which is approximately 5 foot – 10 inches tall.

AmazonRed™ - It's not complicated, you are.

August 18th, 2009
9:45 am

I belive the national average height for a man is 5′10″

I do believe they are grown shorter in other areas. When I lived in the Boston area, there were a lot of short men there. They all had phDs, but weren’t very tall. I think it’s the lack of sun. They don’t grow.

Since I’ve been in ATL, I haven’t dated a guy shorter than 6′2″, primarily because there are a lot more options out here.

~Red~ New to the A

August 18th, 2009
9:49 am

LOL@lack of sun

leeh1

August 18th, 2009
9:53 am

Hmm. There seems to be a lot of stereotypes here against people with missing teeth, cross eyes, height, etc. Physical appearance, weight, cosmetics seem to be OK cfor stereotypes, but it is wrong to go against national origin. It seems like a lot of the posters need to grow up.

The Real Rell - CHILD PLEASE

August 18th, 2009
9:58 am

I am single and I have four children so therefore most men I meet think that I am easy or that I am searching for a father for my kids

- YOU ARE ONE OF THE FEW…..the common sterotype is that 2 or more kids you should hit that poo cee sooner rather than later…but ummm i have seen that disspelled

- one sterotype that will NEVER die in our community is that the lighter shade will always get first choice….most of use are secretly color struck!!!

~Red~ New to the A

August 18th, 2009
10:02 am

- one sterotype that will NEVER die in our community is that the lighter shade will always get first choice….most of use are secretly color struck!!!

I love that down here…lol

Kym-The Sunshine is officially gone..

August 18th, 2009
10:11 am

@Leggs
Sheeple is a combo of the words sheep and people. And the sunshine line is a private inside joke.

Melo

August 18th, 2009
10:12 am

I am single and I have four children so therefore most men I meet think that I am easy or that I am searching for a father for my kids

If the 4 kids came out like pop,pop,pop and pop and u single,with no man, and its 4 baby daddies,then u can understand mans stereotyping u.
But if its 2 sets of twins, or u adopted them, then u excused.
So whats ur story??
:lol: :lol:

abc

August 18th, 2009
10:15 am

There will never be a ‘post-racial America’. Imagine the Sopranos not giving a dayum if you’re Italian or not. Imagine if there was no St. Patrick’s Day. Imagine no cultural expression with distinctions per ethnicity. As long as those things persist, people who appreciate or don’t appreciate them for those merits will persist. Racial awareness and consequent bias is human nature.

Yall could probably name my own personal biases for me, no need to trot them out myself!

AmazonRed™ - It's not complicated, you are.

August 18th, 2009
10:19 am

<iYall could probably name my own personal biases for me, no need to trot them out myself!

:lol: at abc.

The ones I remember are no teachers and no lawyers!

Leggs

August 18th, 2009
10:19 am

Thanks, Kym. I thought that, but wanted to be sure. There’s a lot of words I don’t know so when a weird one comes my way, I have to ask.

Gotcha on the inside joke. Keep smiling!

Leggs

August 18th, 2009
10:20 am

@Panda17, if you’ve been lurking, you know Melo is HARMLESS.

Melo

August 18th, 2009
10:20 am

Imagine no cultural expression with distinctions per ethnicity

imagine me not eating my trotters…unthinkable!! :lol:

i will continue to eat my cow feet and u continue labelling me as “this african”

:lol: :lol:

C tha 1

August 18th, 2009
10:20 am

Why is it short women who are around 5′2″ or maybe as tall as 5′5″ hate on dudes who are 5′9″ or 5′10″? I don’t get it.

FulFilling Me (Sleeepppyyyy)

August 18th, 2009
10:20 am

Good Morning, All!

Hmmm stereotypes…can be interesting things. When I was younger, I allowed stereotypes to dictate my interaction with men. In my best Beyonce voice, “he’s too short, he’s too bright, etc”. I was raised to be open-minded and got sucked into stereotypes based on my group of peers. Didn’t want to be the odd one out.

I am a little older now and enjoy the company of the range of people. I allow everyone I come in contact with a clean slate. I will give a person a shot, because some of the best things come in the not so pretty package.

~Red~ New to the A

August 18th, 2009
10:23 am

@ C the 1.

I dont hate on yal, I’m currently dating a 5′9ish dude. I typically go for 5′8-6′2. Tried a 6′4 once n my neck just hurt from lookin up too dam much!

Tazzee - On Cloud 9

August 18th, 2009
10:26 am

I don’t want a post-racial America. We need to see the differences and embrace them. Now I would love a post-racist America but I know that ain’t going to happen.

I used to have a bunch of silly stereotypes. For instance I thought that a man with a white car was gay :lol: Well, not REALLY gay, but I thought a man that bought a white car was suspect.

I admit to being guilty of judging a book by it’s cover, but at the same time I like to prove myself wrong – so I try to see beyond that cover.

As far as dating stereotypes – yup, I got them. But they are more along the lines of what AmRed listed – preferences/stereotypes, whatever. I’m not dating the guy with multiple babies by different women.

AmazonRed™ - It's not complicated, you are.

August 18th, 2009
10:27 am

Why is it short women who are around 5′2″ or maybe as tall as 5′5″ hate on dudes who are 5′9″ or 5′10″? I don’t get it.

Me either. I think if you are under 5′5″ you should stay out the 6 feet range entirely! :lol:

Fulfilling Me (Sleeppyyy)

August 18th, 2009
10:28 am

@Panda

I understand the bias you get. I am single mother of two. Automatically, I am looking for a father figure for my children, there is mad drama, the children’s father and I or still screwin or some other crazy thing. Its actually sad because you are not even given the opportunity to explain things or get a fair shake at things. But its cool, because everyone has a right to choose who they want to get involved with and some folks just don’t want to deal. It just sad, but hey to each his own.

The Real Rell - CHILD PLEASE

August 18th, 2009
10:31 am

I thought a man that bought a white car was suspect.

–LMABO…..lol…yousa nut for that one….ummm you know most white cars go to rental places or government agencies…then they resell them when they are used up by those places…lol

Ponyo

August 18th, 2009
10:32 am

Stereotypes are sooo funny to me! I do believe that some people from various groups absolutely live up to the stereotype. When it comes to dating, there’s such a fine line between dating “preferences” and not going out with someone because of a stereotype. I personally would not date someone who has an iced out grill, baggy pants, tatted up etc. That’s my preference….but could it also be because I believe that he may have little respect for women, lots of kids and baby mamas, no job, and smokes weed all day??? Maybe!!! :)

For Real

August 18th, 2009
10:42 am

What up Blog Fam!

So long as people have a need to feel better about themselves we will sterotypes. I also believe sterotypes are an excuse to be lazy. Why put forth the effort to see what a person is when I can just compare that person to “a few jackazzes with half their teeth missing who never graduated from grade school” even tho his parents died at an early age and he had to take care of the rest of the family but since he couldn’t afford medical care he lost several toopha’s. ASSUMPTION PEOPLE!!!!

The biggest sterotype in the history of mankind is “there no such thing as an African American Dolphin”!

Paging Kym, Now Paging Kym for your daily news update. Now this is crazy as hell.

http://news.aol.com/article/biurny-peguero-recants-rape-charges/617128

Grace

August 18th, 2009
10:49 am

I’ve sterotyped people and people have streotyped me, it’s a vicious cycle. When I date I’ve by passed the guy with the baggy pants, the glasses, and if he drives a certian car to what part of town he lives on.

I’m considering growing locs, again I will be prone to being sterotyped.

Melo

August 18th, 2009
10:50 am

My stereotypes:

1 men with many tats=thugg and got an unlicensed gun smwhere
2 chick with 2+ kids and single,neva married=slutt and easy
3 grill and baggy saggy pants=see n#1
4 A rapper= seeno#1
5 men/women with dreadlocks(bob marley style)=u can ask them for weed,no problem!
6 swiss men/redneck with no front teeth=he can show u where the meth lab is at :lol:

7 martin luther king drive in any city=drive along there at own high risk,esp at nite
8 predominantly black club in the hood=things can jump off at any minute,be prepared,but lots of easy sluts too,if u know how to flow with it.
9 gay men=very friendly since they face discrimination daily and constantly
10 african american women=they luv their oral sexx

Kym-The Sunshine is officially gone..

August 18th, 2009
10:52 am

@For Real that is so sad and crazy. I understand the Supreme Court allowed for Troy Davis to have a new trial.

Repeat after me - Sexy. Cool.

August 18th, 2009
10:55 am

Three Words Daily – Play to win.

Tazzee - On Cloud 9

August 18th, 2009
10:56 am

For Real – that chick needs to go go jail.

Grace

August 18th, 2009
10:57 am

Melo @locs :lol: let me practice – no I don’t have any weed!

Kym-The Sunshine is officially gone..

August 18th, 2009
10:59 am

@For Real this one is sad too. Now I don’t understand the purpose of beating the baby..but I am thinking this sounds like yet another ex-boyfriend gone crazy.

http://www.ajc.com/news/atlanta/woman-shot-in-face-117838.html

Leggs

August 18th, 2009
11:01 am

@Melo, I thought 2520s were mostly sterotyped for your #10???

After my divorce I have to admit this, I was amazed and disgusted over the sterotype of divorce women. Why is it that men think divorce women are always in need of sex?

Chink

August 18th, 2009
11:05 am

Oops I forgot I asked a height question …C that 1 – I am 5′3 and a quarter…most guys should be taller than me but I do like them tall ( I don’t know why). My current SO is 5′10 and I call him short LOL

AmazonRed™ - It's not complicated, you are.

August 18th, 2009
11:05 am

Why is it that men think divorce women are always in need of sex?

Leggs – Because I only have a couple of divorced girlfriends, but all of them turned into hoochies after the divorce was final! All looking for no-strings attached sex, I assume its because they still need a regular dose of “vitamin d.”

They eventually grew out of it though.

Le Siren

August 18th, 2009
11:09 am

Rell-”one sterotype that will NEVER die in our community is that the lighter shade will always get first choice….most of use are secretly color struck!!!

This is still one of those stereotypes that is very prevalent, yet unspoken in the black community…

DJ Sniper

August 18th, 2009
11:11 am

When I was dating, I never really stereotyped women or anything like that. If I turned down a woman, it was more of a preference than a stereotype. I’ve never believed in the notion that all black women have attitudes, or that single mothers were super sluts, or any of that nonsense.

As for that woman and the false rape charge: She should be locked up for many many years and have her uterus ripped out with a pair of rusty needle nose pliers. Broads like that make it hard on women who really do get raped. I really wish there was some sort of law that would give jail time to women who do this.