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Numbers Game

Have you ever heard some outrageous statistic about the ratio of women to men in Atlanta? When I first moved here I heard that it was 15 to 1 or something like that. I know that dating can be a numbers game, but does that actually have an impact on how we are meeting and dating one another?

Do you even worry about the numbers or ratio of single people? Does it make us more competitive?

What do you think about the dating options in Atlanta? Are they working for you or against you?

Have you changed up your “type” because of the perceived ratio on the dating scene?

362 comments Add your comment

Joe

August 17th, 2009
8:41 am

It’s not quantity or ratio that’s important, it’s quality that counts, and the dating scene is lacking in that department. To me it just means we have more shallow, self-centered women to choose from.

Today

August 17th, 2009
8:44 am

Off topic question: I am involved with a super nice guy that treats me very well so there is no problem there, the thing is I’m beginning to think of him as some what weak & I detest that in a man. Here are some examples & you tell me do u think I’m overreacting. He says he’s scared to fall asleep at my place because he snores & he doesn’t want to keep me woke, If we talking on the phone & he doesn’t hear/or understand what I said he doesn’t want to ask me to repeat myself, If I offer him something he does want to say no, knowing he doesn’t want it. This is just a few examples. Im beginning to snap on him about this. What’s a girl to do or we just not compatible & I need to keep it moving & let him found someone who better suits him.

Sean

August 17th, 2009
8:59 am

Quantity but no quality! Shows like Desperate Housewives, Tiny & Toya, etc. pretty much displays what we are dealing with here in Atlanta!

The Real Rell - vanglorious

August 17th, 2009
9:05 am

@today….lol…now that is too funny

dude is not trying to mess up his “honey” thats all…he is trying way to hard….and all you want is a strong dude to tell you were to go…lol…good luck with that….you might want to check his boxer for moisture…lol

Texas Boy

August 17th, 2009
9:05 am

Today.
Your guy sounds like a girly man. Please find a real man and move on.
Happy Monday fellow bloggers.

Mike Jones (who)

August 17th, 2009
9:10 am

SEAN….
I agree. They need to take those shows off the air before its too late!

Grace

August 17th, 2009
9:12 am

Have you changed up your “type” because of the perceived ratio on the dating scene? as in going Lezzy? NO! lol….however I have ruled out divorced men.

LOL Today….your guy is just trying to keep you happy, give him some slack, at least none of your complaints are about him hitting you or cheating on you.

ImAPeach404

August 17th, 2009
9:19 am

@Sean – See, thats exactly why I didn’t watch RHOA the first season. They gave a bad perception of black women and especially black women in Atlanta. And they are supposed to be “socialites”. Please!

@Grace – why have you ruled out divorced me?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 17th, 2009
9:21 am

Hi Wise and All…in for a few days then back to DC

When I first came to ATL, I heard the same numbers from a lady I was dating and thought that was ludicrous. However, I think it could actually apply to some extent to the dating range that I date in. I date ladies in their 40’s, and so many of them have ex’s that are trying to search out the “hard bodies” that are in their 20’s and 30’s. Since I do the Internet dating, not the bar “holla” scene, it often seems like trying to figure out what you want to eat at a 100 item salad bar…too many choices.

This sounds like every man’s dream but for some, or at least me, that is a dilemma. Recently I have been out a few times with a nice lady, however I have also met a lady on line who is very attractive and interesting (once as high as sixth in figure skating rankings) who wants to go out, and last night received an email from a gal I met who lives in VA beach and is flying in to town this weekend. Sounds great right? Not for me. I am singularly monogamous, and frankly don’t like hurting anyone. All three of these ladies think I only have them on the radar screen and I like all of them.

The problem with ATL is that sometimes there are just toooooooo dayum many choices. That is one of the reasons why men have a hard time committing…they want to choose the best of the many choices and usually end up screwing up all of them. And yes, I have several of THOSE t-shirts also.

Grace

August 17th, 2009
9:22 am

@ Peach, from my experience, they are divorced by paper but emotionally they are still tied to their ex wives.

Fulfilling Me (SMILE!)

August 17th, 2009
9:24 am

Morning All!

Do you even worry about the numbers or ratio of single people? Does it make us more competitive?

I don’t. It may make some competitive, but I know my worth and what I am looking for. It will take time to “find” him, but there is no competition from my end.

What do you think about the dating options in Atlanta? Are they working for you or against you?

There are a variety of options in Atlanta. Depends on what you are desiring and your patience level.

Have you changed up your “type” because of the perceived ratio on the dating scene?

Nope. Still know what I want.

abc

August 17th, 2009
9:25 am

I’d have to guess that the man Today is talking about is accustomed to chicks that offer adverse reaction, and in order to avoid conflict over things that don’t much matter, he just lets them slide. Her reaction shows pretty plainly that the reason he backs off is because she’s a beeyotch. Chicken or the egg? I don’t think so. Just my impression.

The numbers games… I haven’t noticed such a lopsided ratio myself, but I don’t hang out in clubs, and I figure that’s where they’d be most apparent.

Today

August 17th, 2009
9:32 am

Thanks for the comments. Im just use to the “stronger” type.

Grace

August 17th, 2009
9:32 am

As for the ratio of women to men, I’ve never been in a room/outdoor activities where the men out numbered the women, it’s not only in Atlanta either, when I’m visiting other cities the men are low in numbers too.

Chink

August 17th, 2009
9:38 am

Don’t believe the numbers game…plus might have to subtract those numbers to include alternative lifestyles. So I think we break even ..not into competitive sports with dating. Quality tops Quantity all day.

You know my Sexy...AND my Cool...

August 17th, 2009
9:44 am

Three Words Daily – Live life golden.

You know my Sexy...AND my Cool...

August 17th, 2009
9:46 am

Um. Yeah. Don’t have any issues attracting/meeting/dating men. One of my mottoes: What’s on a man’s mind? SexyCool, of course. Teasing….kinda…~lol~

Co-signing Chink @ 938a.

You know my Sexy...AND my Cool...

August 17th, 2009
9:47 am

Today – Buddy is giving you the representative. You may want to look for the real dude under the facade.

Melo

August 17th, 2009
9:51 am

& let him found someone who better:Today??!! Im just use to the “stronger” type i agree with abc,lol.

best of the many choices and usually end up screwing up all of them screwing as in messing up??

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 17th, 2009
10:00 am

Hey Melo…yeah screwing up as in messing up. Losing all of the choices. Kind of like chasing after a bunch of papers that get blown by the wind.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 17th, 2009
10:00 am

Good Monday morning blog people!

Today – That would drive me crazy – it is a little feminine. Sorry to stereotype, but I call em like I see em. It is one thing to be considerate, but another to try too dogon hard. He can’t keep all that up. If you all remain together, at some point he is going to fall asleep, so then what is he going to do? He’s also not being honest – you offer him something and he takes it knowing he does not want it!! How are you ever going to get to know the real him & find out what are his true likes & dislikes? Sounds like some self esteem issuses too. I would go nuts!

On topic – It’s a high ratio, but the numbers dwindle on EACH side when you subtract quality factors such as imprisonment, alternative lifestyles, drug usage, etc. I took myself out of the “game” a long time ago because I refuse to compete over the 4 or 5 same guys that everybody in ATL is going after!LOL!!

As for the reality shows having an adverse affect on the perception of women in ATL: It should have no more affect than the other countless negative, ghetto reality shows that are on tv with people from various cities. I’ve been exposed to ATL high society, and believe me, RHOA AIN’T nowhere near it! And if 5 wannabe chicks out of 4 million is all it takes for a guy to have a bad perception of women in ATL, then that tells me he’s not too intelligent. I’m attracted to intelligence, so he need not apply.

Leggs

August 17th, 2009
10:06 am

Good morning.

I arrived here in 1979, back then they said the ratio was 10 to 1. Not much have changed. There are a lot of beautiful women here. Some shallow, some wholesome, some golddiggers, some jumpoffs, some wifey material. The entire gamut of women are represented here in Atlanta (as I believe the same in other states). Nothing much have changed. I don’t mean any disrespect, the change I have noticed is the quality of men, not the quantity. Game playing is part of the dating scene. Ok, that’s a given. What’s also should be a given is that more men step to the plate and act like grown men and stop acting like snotty nosed school boys still wanting to play in the sandbox. Rell, don’t come after me this morning!!!! Both genders need to fine tune their attributes if they want to secure a loving, lasting relationship. That’s my take!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 17th, 2009
10:08 am

RE Kimmie’s 10:00 AM. I hate reality shows…because I have yet to see even one that even slightly resembles the “reality” that I know, but more like “freak shows” like a high brow Jerry Springer. As far as RHOA or any of the other RH’s I’ve tuned in to, some times they have been “eye candy” but talk about a bunch of ladies who could make some guy’s life pure “hellz”. I would really hate to think that any proportion of women are like that in real life.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 17th, 2009
10:12 am

I hate reality shows…because I have yet to see even one that even slightly resembles the “reality” that I know, but more like “freak shows” like a high brow Jerry Springer.

Randy – Okay!!! Why anybody would take that mess serious is beyond me!

Leggs – Have to say I agree with you!

Leggs

August 17th, 2009
10:12 am

@Today, btw, when your man “snaps” don’t look surprised. To suppress something as simple as saying “no” to mundane requests will only percolate in his soul until boiling point. He may be a nice man, but he’s a wuss at heart (from what you typed here).

ImAPeach404

August 17th, 2009
10:12 am

That is one of the reasons why men have a hard time committing…they want to choose the best of the many choices and usually end up screwing up all of them

@Randy… see, I feel if dudes would find a suitable woman and WORK at that relationship instead of “trying to choose the best”, it would save everyone involved some hurt feelings. “Grass is always greener” vs. “The 80/20 rule”….

@Grace… it’s possible that anybody dealing with the loss of a relationship can still be emotionally tied. I don’t think it’s exclusive to marriages. IMHO.

…it’s not only in Atlanta either, when I’m visiting other cities the men are low in numbers too.

I have to disagree. I was in Miami a few weeks back and it AMAZED me how the men outnumbered the women any given location. And I dont know if it’s because I live here, but I noticed. Big time! You know what else I noticed there too… white men step to black women like it’s nothing. It blew my mind – in a good way :)

Fulfilling Me (SMILE!)

August 17th, 2009
10:13 am

@Leggs…Good Post 10:06

ImAPeach404

August 17th, 2009
10:16 am

The thing about reality shows is – nobody with good sense would go on one!!! So, as Randy stated, they are all freak shows.

Dan

August 17th, 2009
10:16 am

@Today

“Strength” can be misinterpreted sometimes. Is he strong of character? Is he strong morally? Is he strong in the protection of you? Think about where he is “strong” before assessing his weaknesses.

@Randy/On Topic

I don’t agree that “options” are the problem with non committed guys in the A. More than anything, it’s guys trying to do too much. A dude in the frame of mind for committment will see through the numbers to woman (women) that he chooses.

Grace

August 17th, 2009
10:20 am

Peach I’m only speaking on my behalf, when it comes to divorced men, maybe I attract the ones who need a shoulder to cry on and/or vent.

Maybe I need to visit Miami :lol:

ImAPeach404

August 17th, 2009
10:25 am

@Grace – I feel ya. We all can only speak for our own experiences :)
And yes… please… go to Miami!!!

The Real Rell - vanglorious

August 17th, 2009
10:26 am

see, I feel if dudes would find a suitable woman and WORK at that relationship instead of “trying to choose the best”, it would save everyone involved some hurt feelings. “Grass is always greener” vs. “The 80/20 rule”….

- my problem…lol

Kym

August 17th, 2009
10:26 am

Good Morning All,

Do you even worry about the numbers or ratio of single people? Not really..but I know competition is high. And yes I can see that women are becoming increasingly competitive.

What do you think about the dating options in Atlanta? Slim to none in the case of what I am looking for. Like kimmie said alternative lifestyles and the bling bling factor have driven me away from the game.

Have you changed up your “type” because of the perceived ratio on the dating scene? Hmm no I have not changed my overall type but I am begining to think outside the box in terms of options. (Different race, background, etc..) Not height..height is a must.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 17th, 2009
10:27 am

Dan re:10:16 …may be. All I know is sometimes between it and my job, things can get overwhelming. I’m at a stage in my life where I appreciate “easy” and that is not in the cards. I guess I’m lazy but I want it all (perfect woman, perfect job, etc.) to be just dropped in my lap and I don’t have to think about it, LOL. As “Pogo” said many years ago, “We have seen the enemy, and he is us”.

Leggs

August 17th, 2009
10:27 am

@Fulfilling ~ Thanks!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 17th, 2009
10:27 am

Awwww Man ya’ll know my take on this.. Yes my motto is its easier to find a good woman in Atlanta than it is to find a good man. The ratio is lopsided and crazy but yes quality trumps quantity.. I also think when you factor in these dudes that like dudes its crazy. The reason why I say women its easier to find a good woman is because its simple.. Women have their ish together and alot of these chumps dont. I do know this, women that are fine get hit on alot so I guess it equals out.. I really think it depends on the person as to how the ratio affects you.. Ya’ll know Im talking bout me Im not talking bout those other cats..

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 17th, 2009
10:30 am

Peach – That’s your Miami experience – with others I know, not so much, including a few that have moved HERE from there. There is more interracial dating there probably, if that is ones cup of tea. Just goes to show, it’s all about one’s own personal experiences. The grass always looks greener everywhere else too.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

August 17th, 2009
10:31 am

@Ima…”see, I feel if dudes would find a suitable woman and WORK at that relationship instead of “trying to choose the best”, it would save everyone involved some hurt feelings. “Grass is always greener” vs. “The 80/20 rule”….”

You are so right and I agree completely. It is kind of like dieting and bad habits or messing with the obvious wrong ones, we all know what we SHOULD do, the hard part is the “application” of what we already know. I guess we all almost all seduced by “the Dark Side”.

Dan

August 17th, 2009
10:36 am

@Peach

Your solution applies to men and women.

Wants and needs being two different things is something that some folks just don’t understand…..even in their 30s and 40s.

Norvee Michelle

August 17th, 2009
10:39 am

@Today he sounds insecure, and is afraid of losing you. So he doesn’t want to disagree or go against anything you say hoping that’ll bring you closer. The thing is its natural and perfectly healthy for couples to disagree. An insecure man is hard to handle … you have to deal with jealously, clinginess and etc. I’d think long and hard before getting involved any deeper.

@Wise Diva There are plenty of great women here and plenty of great men here … its just for whatever reason we don’t consistently hang out in the same places. I’ve been in Atl six years and haven’t had a problem dating a good man per se … its just finding someone I want to be with for the long term.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 17th, 2009
10:41 am

Hey Leggs… ;-)

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 17th, 2009
10:45 am

Today – He has succumb to the thought that in order to make your woman happy you have to do whatever she wants you to do.. Its all over the media that a dude should make Mama happy and then he will be happy. He doesnt know the balance yet. Why dont you just tell him? Well its either in you or it aint.. Hey you might just be too much woman for him..

Leggs

August 17th, 2009
10:46 am

Why Infamous, how are you this fine morning (said in the finest southern dialect). Ok, that’s my rep. Here’s me. Wassup, how are things going?! :lol:

Poster

August 17th, 2009
10:52 am

15 to 1? I very highly doubt that. It doesn’t really matter because even if that is the ratio, those 15 women are not what men are looking for. A large percentage now do not even like men. The ones that are left are either looking for a benefactor or do not exactly take pride in their appearance (health, body type). The competition is not between the women its between the men trying to find those very few women that we actually would be happy with. Sorry I am just telling the truth, don’t take it personal. Men, can I get a second here?

Ballwood

August 17th, 2009
10:52 am

1. He says he’s scared to fall asleep at my place because he snores & he doesn’t want to keep me woke, – Actual, He busted one and want to spend the night and have to listen your yapping in the morning.

2. If we talking on the phone & he doesn’t hear/or understand what I said he doesn’t want to ask me to repeat myself – Actual, He don’t give a flying fugg what you are talking about. The only reason he is on the phone is to ensure he can bust another one and leave cause he don’t want to wake you.

If I offer him something he does want to say no, knowing he doesn’t want it. – Actual, He knows you would argue with a dead man just to get your point across. So why bother,just eat the cake Anne May.

On topic: I don’t believe in the numbers. Women are always talking about there aren’t any men in Atlanta. Which is a bold face lie. There are plenty of men they just don’t fit what you think you want. Stop looking for steak in the bread isle.

Blog ladies do me a favor list the physical and mental makeup of the man you want. I trying to prove a point to a friend of mines.

ImAPeach404

August 17th, 2009
10:53 am

I do know this, women that are fine get hit on a lot so I guess it equals out..

@DK – can you explain? I don’t get what you’re saying… how does it equal out?

@Kimmie – well, you know everything is better x10 when you’re on vacation.

@Dan – agreed. Applicable to both parties.

If I may – I have a friend who’s going through a divorce – inspired by the wife. They have been married for 14 years and I believe his wife is in for a very rude awakening when she begins to date.

ImAPeach404

August 17th, 2009
10:56 am

LOL @ Ballwood! Nobody in their right mind is going to play your list game – I’ll tell you what I’m NOT looking for. How bout that???

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 17th, 2009
10:56 am

Leggs – I was reading your 10:46 and you know what I can’t stand? When they make people use fake southern accents on commercials & films & such! Especially when they have AA people do it! It irritates me to no end! Like we are still out on a plantation or something. It’s plenty people with a real accent if that’s what you want. I think that’s why Paula Deen irritates me some time – because I know her accent is exaggerated because I saw her on an interview and she let it slip!LOL!

That’s just my little vent today, your post just brought it to mind.LOL!

girlinthecity

August 17th, 2009
10:57 am

I feel that as a black woman, dating in Atlanta is almost impossible. Usually there’s one of 4 things going on:

1. they’re gay
2. they’re downlow and trying to use you as a cover
3. they have a “baby mama”
4. they know that they are a good catch so they set impossible standards

If you don’t look like a Halle or Beyonce clone, men won’t even try to talk to you. They don’t respect someone who’s hard working and financially independent if they don’t look like a “dime”.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 17th, 2009
11:02 am

Peach – Because Chicks that are Fine get more attention. Hence more guys hitting on them and more dating opportunities. Im not saying they find a dude everytime because most dudes are inherent liars but “the numbers game” is in their favor because they are not on the bench. They are in the game scoring so they have a better chance at going to the pro bowl than a player sitting on the bench not getting any playing time..