What Did You Call Me?
I used to a real stickler about the girlfriend/my woman title. If I am expected to be your woman and all that comes with exclusiveness, the least you could do is introduce me accordingly. It was about the public declaration that we were both off the market. Why would my man object to that?
After countless unproductive debates, I finally got it. Guys won’t always feel the need to verbalize their commitment out loud. Men love a confident woman. If she is confident in herself and her relationship with her man, she won’t really need to be called his girlfriend/woman. Also, A lot of men I know think it is juvenile and unnecessary. One of my ex-boyfriends used to say that if he told women he was with someone exclusively, he would probably get even more female attention.
I think it’s a matter of perception and behavior. How does the label change things? Should it change things? Do you believe that you are single when you are in serious relationship? Would it matter to you if the person you are dating introduced you only by your name? What if they called you their friend?
If someone isn’t really into the titles/labels, does that mean they are keeping their options open or playing the field?
If you have had “the talk” what do you think should change in terms of expectations from one another in a dating relationship?
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495 comments Add your comment
East Point's Own
August 14th, 2009
8:45 am
Every case when a female friend of mine has told me she was dating a guy who did not want to put a title on their relationship, it always ended up that he was seeing other people/cheating. In my opinion 95% of guys who use that line are doing so to avoid verbalizing their commitment. But women buy it so men will keep selling it. Most men or guys who try to behave as a man, will try to live by the words they say… if they won’t say it out loud you can’t assume that it is true.
I always advise the women in my life that I care about to run when a guy uses that line….and I have been right every time so far.
http://hispointofview.com
mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s
August 14th, 2009
8:48 am
Confidence doesn’t have anything to do with it for most ladies that I know. I think that argument will work on someone who is unsure of herself, though. Let’s call this Jedi Mind Trick #18. Yes, I believe fellas who refuse or go with ‘friend’ are making it clear to their people and mostly you that they’re keeping their options open… which leads to the whole “we know what we are to each other, why does it matter?” line of defense. Let’s call this Jedi Mind Trick #23.
Lastly, being single is not the opposite of being married. Being unmarried is the opposite of being married. Being single is the opposite of being in a couple. <—- that’s for if/when IV Real rolls up.
Happy Friday All…
Dan
August 14th, 2009
8:51 am
Good morning,
@EPO
I don’t know where you get that 95% from, but homie, that’s not all the way true.
I have no problem introducing my lady as my lady. I just don’t feel like I need to. When I’m dating a woman, she shouldn’t need me to verbalize my commitment to her, but when she does, I do.
@WD
Of course you’re not single when you’re seeing someone, you’re with that person. But what more needs to be made of it?
Pretty Wings
August 14th, 2009
8:52 am
Bonjour and Happy Friday Bloggers:
In dating, the only title that really matters is EX…..know when it’s over. LOL
OFF TOPIC:
I am really happy for Michael Vick and his breakthrough! I love the underdog and for anyone who has ever needed redemption…….And again I say rejoice!
Have a Great Day!
mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s
August 14th, 2009
8:54 am
Oh yeah, I didn’t clarify that Jedi Mind Trick# 23 is designed for the event when he says “I never said we were exclusive/gf/bf…you made that assumption…
Dan
August 14th, 2009
8:54 am
@My2
Please explain why it matters…..PLEASE….in a way I can’t articulate, I need the answer to that question
Sugar2
August 14th, 2009
8:55 am
@DK, I know u havent posted yet but wanted you to know. Im a sometime lurker & u read like a stand up/real kind of guy. No hidden agenda just wanted to compliment you.
Le Siren...TGIF!!!
August 14th, 2009
8:55 am
Perfect timing for this topic…I’ve been dating a wonderful man for 10 mos now. We’ve had “the talk” about being exclusive and decided that we’re only dating and sexing each other. That being said, we still don’t have an active “title”. I introduce him by his name only and he does the same…the awkwardness comes in when people ask me if he’s my “boyfriend”. I realize that most ppl in my position would use that term…but for some reason it still feels strange to me.
Dan
August 14th, 2009
8:55 am
“Jedi Mind tricks” and “verbalizing committments”….
What kinda dudes are out there right now that makes these statements accurate? Really?
Professor...this little falcon is now an EAGLE
August 14th, 2009
8:57 am
@EPO you took the words out of my mouth.
MR. Unknown
August 14th, 2009
9:06 am
Good morning,, lol @ my two cents, Jedi mind trick 1# What up fellas this is “Insert her name” this is the girl that I been telling you about, Fellas speak as one, ohhh right, right, nice to meet ya…She’s feeling like a star, and doesn’t have a clue what you were telling the guys.. ahhh the old days…
East Point's Own
August 14th, 2009
9:07 am
Dan… I am going to steal Mike Baisden’s answer.. I got 95% from “The Research Department”…LoL But I am not saying men have to always 100% of the time introduce a woman as his lady/girlfriend/etc. But there are many dudes who will never/rarely introduce her as such, as other have said they pull out the old ” why do we need to worry about what everybody else thinks we are” or the “we know what we mean to each other” lines.
Professor...this little falcon is now an EAGLE
August 14th, 2009
9:10 am
IMO, titles in a relationship works similar to job titles. In the words of DMX, “No one wants to be played regardless of the relationship.” With that said, do you want to go to work and have a job title as Clerk when you are really doing the work of a manager? On the contrary even if you are the “head honcho” at work, hopefully you are not always throwing your title around. I just feel like the proper relationship title is in order if it is a true meaningful relationship, and even if I introduce my man as “his name” and someone say is that your man I can say yes without the deer in the headlights look.
Poppa Grande
August 14th, 2009
9:11 am
Although 95% seems a little high, I agree with EPO’s post. It is a way to keep options open.
Le Siren
I realize that most ppl in my position would use that term…but for some reason it still feels strange to me.
Is the reason that the term “boyfriend” feel strange have anything to do with the fact that you are now an adult? I have many friends in relationship that feel funny calling a significant girlfriend/boyfriend when that person is over 30. The terms sound so highschool-ish.
East Point's Own
August 14th, 2009
9:11 am
I know of a case where a couple dated for 10+ years and have a child together…and al of a sudden one day the dude tells the woman that he had just gotten married to another woman and that their 10+ years together were over. FYI: this couple never lived together during this 10 year period, but he was very much against ever using labels such as boyfriend/girlfriend… he said that stuff was for kids…LoL I tried to told her to stop messing with ole boy, but I guess 10+ years of history and a kid clouded her vision.
East Point's Own
August 14th, 2009
9:13 am
alright, alright how about 93.265% is that better?
Raqi
August 14th, 2009
9:16 am
…if he told women he was with someone exclusively, he would probably get even more female attention.
cough bullshyt cough
However I will say or ask this, what does his body language say when he introduces you by your name only? Body language says a lot. If he stands 2ft. away with his hands in his pockets as says “this is my friend Mia” he is saying you are truly just a friend and he is open for interested candidates.
From my experience when a man is really into you and is claiming you as his acknowledging the exclusiveness of your relationship to others it will show on his face and in his body language. From what I can remember and from what I know now the most common gesture is the hand on the lower back during the introduction. Mason does it now when he says “this is my wife ‘Raqi’. I tend to touch his arm during introductions and also did so in the past in other relationships.
When it’s just a friend, it’s just a friend.
It has nothing to do with a woman’s confidence. That’s just some other crap that those with open options guys tell us.
Professor...this little falcon is now an EAGLE
August 14th, 2009
9:16 am
I will say this with all of the games, players and lies in Atlanta the entire title/label thingy is a red flag for me. I will take it a step further when a grown man or woman (I have used this line as well confession #2) “I like my privacy” of “I don’t want everybody in our business” and “Those folks are not real to me….” Well run because they are kicking that old 1992 Rent-A-Center game and they are hiding YOU.
Le Siren...TGIF!!!
August 14th, 2009
9:19 am
**Is the reason that the term “boyfriend” feel strange have anything to do with the fact that you are now an adult?**
I think that may be the reason… the term boyfriend does seem a little trivial. Maybe I’ll just take the Europeon route and start introducing him as my Lover:) I would love to see the looks on ppls faces when I did that! LOL
Raqi
August 14th, 2009
9:21 am
EastPoint & TwoLincolns I agree. It’s all mind tricks.
Another things is if the introduction is to close friends and/or family members chances are they have already heard tell of you so a simple name introduction is fine. They probably already have an idea of who you are to that person.
But a man introducing a woman to other available women as just his friend, he is letting those available know that he is not tied to anyone at the time.
AmazonRed™
August 14th, 2009
9:24 am
Happy Friday all.
If she is confident in herself and her relationship with her man, she won’t really need to be called his girlfriend/woman. Also, A lot of men I know think it is juvenile and unnecessary.
Ah yes, another Jedi Mind trick men have played that women have fallen for. To me, it’s men with that mentality who are juvenile and uncessary.
Damn near everyone in life has a title. You are someone’s employee, someone’s child, someone’s enemy. So because you want a proper title in your relationship you’re now insecure?
Pligga neeze, go somewhere with that ignorance.
Cloud9
August 14th, 2009
9:25 am
Women use the “He’s just a friend” more than men ever do. Also, how does a bi-sexual, if not full lesbian, always seem so ready to give advice about men? My man, I know he is mine there is no need for me to be concerned. He comes home to me and let’s me know that I am his one and only constantly, not just by his words or the title given.
Kym
August 14th, 2009
9:25 am
Good Morning All,
PoppaG I think it is the fact that it sounds like highschool. I just can’t get with saying hi meet my boyfriend at 37. I think if I bring said dude around enough folks would or should get the message we are together. Hello this is Baby Bubba, should be enough. I mean we came in the door together. If I know and he know..why ya’ll got to know and if he is with keep his options open..why not just say so? Honesty works and if she says nawww well your options are still open.
I actually know of a situation where a guy told his lady friend(I don’t think I like that either) of several years that he wanted her to be the one he took out the most but he wanted to date other folks. She said no..the idea was crazy to her and consider the length of their relationship it would be a step down…so she dipped. Hey his options are still open.
AmazonRed™
August 14th, 2009
9:27 am
Ah…I should have known the ladies would have called a flag on the play before I even responded. Thanks mytwo.
AmazonRed™
August 14th, 2009
9:29 am
Although 95% seems a little high, I agree with EPO’s post. It is a way to keep options open.
Thank you PG.
Ladies, don’t ever let a man convince you otherwise!!!
Dan
August 14th, 2009
9:30 am
So,
We go to a friend’s or a family set, I introduce you by name, and the fact that the people at the party know your name is somehow not enough?
I would’ve discussed you with someone at some point for me to be able to introduce you as ____ and the friend/family member go “oh, so you’re___”.
Come on people you’ve got to be kidding me
Poppa Grande
August 14th, 2009
9:30 am
EPO
alright, alright how about 93.265% is that better?
My feelings is that it is more in the 80-85% realm. That is still high but doesn’t catch as many instances where there are just misunderstandings.
Raqi
cough bullshyt cough
I agree for the most part. However, I will say that this darn wedding band seems to have some kind of attraction in it. Shoot, I have had to fend chicks away at times. I don’t if it announce just announces to some females that I am not a committment-phobe and that attracts them or what. At the gym last night, chick propositioned me. I declined but I know that she saw the band. She even said “what your wife don’t know…..”
I gotta quit working out the shoulders and back in tank tops. Nice shoulders must be some sistahs kryptonite. Oh well, back to crew neck t-shirts for me…
Even if I was that cheating kind of guy, this is town is not the place. Do you know how many Delta Sigma Theta females are in this town? They are all about 6 degrees of separation from each other. Hmmmm,Come to think of it, that female was trying to hem me up in a bad situation.
Raqi
August 14th, 2009
9:33 am
do you want to go to work and have a job title as Clerk when you are really doing the work of a manager
Professor I use that same example every time I get into these types of discussions with people. It’s funny how so many people put more effort into everything else except there relationships. We require certain things of our bosses but not of our mates. We give 110% to our careers but not to our relationships. Why is the relationship the burden in so many people’s lives when there is usually more bullshyt and sheeple going on at the job?
Kym
August 14th, 2009
9:33 am
LOL@PoppaG.. I am not in a sorority but I know..nevermind. Let’s just say everyone that says they are your soror ain’t your sista.
Feeling Sexy...Staying Cool
August 14th, 2009
9:34 am
Three Words Daily – Embrace joy daily.
abc
August 14th, 2009
9:34 am
It’s failure or refusal to commit. If you won’t say it, you won’t do it. If you don’t act it, you aren’t doing it. If you say that those things aren’t important to you, then commitment isn’t important to you. If your partner takes issue with that and you still don’t care, then you don’t care about them.
There’s nothing wrong with that, really, unless you try to portray a lack of commitment as something it’s not.
M. (pronounced M dot)
August 14th, 2009
9:34 am
If someone isn’t really into titles, it does not mean that they are keeping their options open or playing the field necessarily. I think it is a direct connection to confidence in that person, relationship or situation that they are involved in. Maybe they are not 100% sold on this person yet and adding a label before they are truly proven can add unwanted pressure to perform and deliver rather just the casual and unassuming agenda they have been doing.
I guess with “the talk” what should change mainly is that you two are exclusive, and any other backups are released. I know some people who take this aspect to far…switching house keys, calling/texting everyday etc…
But my question for the blog and @ Wise, once you have the talk, how do you handle friends of the opposite gender? Once people become exclusive, they tend to be somewhat overprotective. Do you deal with that when it arises or play with an open hand?
Feeling Sexy...Staying Cool
August 14th, 2009
9:35 am
If I’m not your , I’m not your anything. Moving on.
mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s
August 14th, 2009
9:35 am
WISEY never ever gives these topics on the days I have the most free time. Grrrr
DAN Yes, really, they’re frolicking about in the world. I’m not saying every single interaction with someone other than yourselves need to hear a title, but resistance to acknowledging someone you’re in a relationship is suspect. I love the idea of having a true friendship with whomever you’re luvin on, but I’m sayin, that’s not what this is about…its used as a nondescriptor and disclaimer, if you will. Plus, I don’t take the word friend lightly, so that’s another issue. I’d almost rather hear
“This is ——- and I’m just givin her the business.”
MR. U trust, I’m on to you & your antics LOL I told the ladies they need to get you today. Definitely agree that #1 is in full effect, too.
Feeling Sexy...Staying Cool
August 14th, 2009
9:36 am
Let me try that again…
If I’m not your (insert proper romantic relationship title here), I’m not your anything.
Moving on.
AmazonRed™
August 14th, 2009
9:37 am
A friend of mine was dating this guy. He proposed. She posted the ring on facebook. Everyone complimented her on her lovely engagement ring.
She comes on there and thanks everyone for the well wishes and then states “but we aren’t calling it an engagement ring…it’s a covenant ring.”
Hey, it’s her relationship, do what works for you and your guy. But really, what is the point in making it more difficult. Now she’s off explaining her ring to folks who don’t even really care for all that.
I just don’t see what is wronng with calling it what it is and why the extraness is even necessary.
Fulfilling Me (You can set me at a standard because I am the standard)
August 14th, 2009
9:38 am
Happy Friday, All!
How does the label change things?
A label shouldn’t change things if the two have been operating in that particular mood already. If anything it only enhances things (at least in an ideal world).
Should it change things? Only for the better
Do you believe that you are single when you are in serious relationship? No, because I am exclusive.
Would it matter to you if the person you are dating introduced you only by your name? No, if we have established what we are.
What if they called you their friend? That would bother me if we have established what we are. Don’t call me your friend if we are in a relationship. We are more than friends.
If someone isn’t really into the titles/labels, does that mean they are keeping their options open or playing the field? In my experience, it has been the playing field/keeping options open. I will attribute to this not solidifying what we are to each other.
If you have had “the talk” what do you think should change in terms of expectations from one another in a dating relationship?
For me, its just an upgrade. We have moved from one level to next. More rewards and benefits are available to you.
Sorry for the length!
mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s
August 14th, 2009
9:38 am
I was on the early shift, ARED hahahaaa! Good thing you’re here to tag in, tho. Gotta go…
Kym
August 14th, 2009
9:40 am
How about we just go the Facebook route..All relationships are complicated until full faith and trust are established.
Raqi
August 14th, 2009
9:40 am
I think it is the fact that it sounds like highschool
Kym that’s why I said body language can say what tongues won’t utter. My friend Brian and I used to go places together however he and I were never in a couple or even close to it. Folks saw us come thru the door together but after a brief introduction to those I knew it was clear to my girls that he was fair game.
Fulfilling Me (You can't set me at a standard because I am the standard)
August 14th, 2009
9:41 am
@ Professor…your 9:10 was interesting..It makes a lot of sense.
Poppa Grande
August 14th, 2009
9:41 am
Kym/LeSiren
I have friends that introduce each other as “this is my Ol’ Lady” or “this is my Ol’ Man”.
I don’t know how that is much better. However if they are content with it, who am I to judge?
AmazonRed™
August 14th, 2009
9:42 am
Do you know how many Delta Sigma Theta females are in this town? They are all about 6 degrees of separation from each other.
Quite honestly, it’s really more like 3 degrees. Thanks Facebook!
Dan
August 14th, 2009
9:42 am
Maybe it’s just me
I’ve never been one for “leading [someone] on”, I really don’t do deception (that’s what made the stalker scary). I don’t git having to lie to someone about my intentions.
What part of the game is that?
Raqi
August 14th, 2009
9:44 am
LOL Poppa, but at least you are wearing your commitment openly. Those types of women are trifling. I know of a few guys that do not wear wedding bands but it’s merely because they either don’t like to wear jewelry or it gets in the way of their occupation. But I do know of one man where I work that does not wear a wedding band because he is still trying to live the single life.
abc
August 14th, 2009
9:45 am
AR, your friend may be referring to a ‘covenant marriage’, a specific legal definition in some states, and a movement that’s been going on for 10 or 12 years. It’s a lot more difficult to get a divorce if you have a covenant marriage (unless, of course, you go to a state that doesn’t have covenant marriage laws to get a divorce). Having a covenant marriage indicates a greater commitment. I applaud it.
Kym
August 14th, 2009
9:46 am
I like the Euro method:
“Hello I would like you to meet my lover Franco..” -I can dig it.
Great! PoppaG now I will hear all day “Who’s making love to your Ol’ Lady..why you were out making love.”
Fulfilling Me (You can't set me at a standard because I am the standard)
August 14th, 2009
9:47 am
@ Dan
That makes you one of few. Too many games being played. Shouldn’t even be games.
Professor...this little falcon is now an EAGLE
August 14th, 2009
9:48 am
***We give 110% to our careers but not to our relationships. Why is the relationship the burden in so many people’s lives when there is usually more bullshyt and sheeple going on at the job?***
If I knew I would be on Oprah’s couch promoting that NY Times bestseller! IMO plus firsthand knowledge most of us are on our 3rd or 4th job in life, however we do not have any hang-ups or baggage from previous jobs, but we bring all of that unnecessary junk in relationships. Hell sometimes I think we need to be paid to be in relationships and maybe we would treat each other right…j/k? Maybe I am not.
Hey Fulfilling! I just really believe in that…most of us would have a difficult time going to work with the wrong job title and pay. Hell we can take it a step further b/c most of us would have never applied for the job, and if we did when the offer came we would have declined the position? Why? The title, salary, duties etc. are not in line with our career goals, and Visa and the mortgage company will not reduce your debts because we low-balled ourselves. So my rule of thumb is I am not having that mess in a relationship. I want the proper title for the proper duties…same page…same time. I am not going to pretend that I am your wife when you call me a “friend.” IMO that mess is crazy!
Maybe I am wrong but I run my life that way. Point blank…Period.
AmazonRed™
August 14th, 2009
9:49 am
abc – I learned something new today, thank you!
I guess Facebook wasn’t the medium to go into detail about what the difference is. But a whole lot of folks were just scratching their heads like “okay, that’s a new one.”
Poppa Grande
August 14th, 2009
9:49 am
AR
Quite honestly, it’s really more like 3 degrees. Thanks Facebook!
I believe it. I just know that there are some large chapters around the ATL and I gave a conservative number.
Blow Me
August 14th, 2009
9:49 am
Happy Friday all.
If she is confident in herself and her relationship with her man, she won’t really need to be called his girlfriend/woman. Also, A lot of men I know think it is juvenile and unnecessary.
Ah yes, another Jedi Mind trick men have played that women have fallen for. To me, it’s men with that mentality who are juvenile and uncessary.
Damn near everyone in life has a title. You are someone’s employee, someone’s child, someone’s enemy. So because you want a proper title in your relationship you’re now insecure?
Pligga neeze, go somewhere with that ignorance.
**AMAZONRED** Exactly its a way to escape commitment. I sure hope **WD** is not FINE without having a title. Stop wiggling and own up to it. We need to understand our position and clarify what’s expected out of each other.
Raqi
August 14th, 2009
9:50 am
If you won’t say it, you won’t do it.
abc I agree. Going back to the job analogy, my first husband got got like that by simple word play. He was ushered into a position after working there for some and he knew what benefits and bonuses came with the position. When it was all said and done he received nothing on the management scale simply because it was never verbalized or agreed that he was actually manager however he was lead to believe that he was and given the duties to perform.
Blow Me
August 14th, 2009
9:50 am
Ok someone help me with bolding and italics….I forget I need a quick lesson.
Hello everyone and GOOD merning!
Fulfilling Me (You can't set me at a standard because I am the standard)
August 14th, 2009
9:53 am
@ Professor…I agree wholeheartedly. I have learned to establish who we are and all that comes with it. I got hurt once by believing the whole I don’t believe in titles mess. Never again, we will establish who we are. I don’t get offended by name introduction because its usually followed by a question..is this your woman/girlfriend/lady? I can say I have not been in a situation when I was introduced by name and there was a look like “who are you” or “yeah, that Fulfilling (devious eyes)”.
If we are around unfamiliar people, I will introduce him as my significant other.
AmazonRed™
August 14th, 2009
9:54 am
We need to understand our position and clarify what’s expected out of each other.
Blow Me – Amen. It might be a high school sounding title, but it’s about adult communication.
W8© (very relaxed and slightly hungover)
August 14th, 2009
9:54 am
I am glad Vick is back in the NFL!!!!!!!!
I believe in titles…per say..but not to quick…alot comes with that. If I am with a woman and we are exclusive and we have felt each other out fully and are comfortable with where we are going in the relationship…she is my “girlfriend/Lady” and I am her “man”..funny story..a few years ago I just finished having sex with what I thought was “my girl” and we were riding in the car…she answered the phone and was like “Hey I am with my friend, let me call you back” did I get mad nope..because we really never had that talk about what we were..I just laughed and thought back to the times I have heard women say that to me…and was like “whoa” lmao…Take your time before putting titles on relationships and what folks are to you…In my world you can date whomever you want while we are getting to know each other initially..you are not my girl I am not your man…so we both can do what we want…then as we progress we start adjusting accordingly..some men want to be possessive right off the bad..but come on fellas she had a life before you…same thing for you you ladies dont rush to be the girlfriend right off the bat…take your time getting into it…and once we get to that point as to wanting to be exclusive I always say “Hey, you got two weeks to clean your plate” now what that entails on her end I dont know..but she needs to get rid of the stragglers or the other guys that may have interest in her and I need to do the same for women that I have been entertaining…as far as the introductions and claiming as such…to the people that matter to him or her..they will know what that person means to that someone..but as far as running telling it on the mountain just for folks who have no input or your best wishes at hand screw them…you should be secure enough to know who you are without other peoples thoughts validating your relationship..especially those that don’t matter. You live and learn to keep some folks out of your business until your relationship is strong and steadfast.
Raqi
August 14th, 2009
9:54 am
another Jedi Mind trick men have played that women have fallen for
BlowMe just like the “clingy” and “gold digger” terms were created by men so women would accept be handled with a long handle spoon.
Poppa Grande
August 14th, 2009
9:55 am
Dan
One thing that I know is that most men are territorial. We definitely lay claim to what we view as ours. We don’t like others sniffing around our stuff so we make it known that it is ours.
If we don’t, there is usually a reason and It usually isn’t because she confident.
Le Siren...TGIF!!!
August 14th, 2009
9:55 am
Kym…”“Hello I would like you to meet my lover Franco..” -I can dig it.”
That’s what I’m talking about! The surprised looks on ppls faces when they hear that unexpected title would be priceless! I’m gonna try that this weekend:)
Poppa Grande
August 14th, 2009
9:58 am
On Vick, I am glad that he will get a shot with a good organization. I hate the Iggle fans but the team is a well run one.
My sources were right on the division (NFC East), but the Iggles (and the Vick people) were good and deflecting. I kept hearing Washington. Well, he will be in Washington at once this year.
Kym
August 14th, 2009
9:58 am
At work..well atleast at my govt job. There is a phrase called “other duties as assigned.” that means you do whatever is assigned and required to keep your job. Not sure if that is used in the corporate world.
AmazonRed™
August 14th, 2009
9:58 am
One thing that I know is that most men are territorial. We definitely lay claim to what we view as ours. We don’t like others sniffing around our stuff so we make it known that it is ours.
If we don’t, there is usually a reason and It usually isn’t because she confident.
PG – This is what Steve Harvey says in his book too.
Cuz you know what, I don’t ever see a guy making this much noise about introducing their wives as such. Many guys are proud to do so. And they wouldn’t want to disrespect their union by just introducing her by name.
Poppa Grande
August 14th, 2009
10:00 am
Kym
“Hello I would like you to meet my lover Franco.
Well, I’ve heard stranger things like, “Hey, I want you to meet Melissa, she is my side piece”.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 14th, 2009
10:00 am
Good Morning Party People coming to you live from the Milky way!!
Ok first off Thank ya Sugar 2..
Leggs… Leggs… Leggs….
Look if youre in your 30’s and your still lying about your relationship.. Youre a chump. Ladies if a dude introduces you as his friend you are his friend.. Most times if youre his girl he wont have to broadcast it on the mountaintop cause people will see how he treats you.. He doesnt even have to tell people if youre his friend or not because if they are his friends they already know. To find out what you are pay attention to his friends and how they check you out.. If they are respectful youre the girl and if youre one of the guys youre the jumpoff..
W8© (very relaxed and slightly hungover)
August 14th, 2009
10:01 am
If you are that woman in his life and he loves you..he will introduce you and be proud of it….same for women if she is feeling you she will do the same
AmazonRed™
August 14th, 2009
10:04 am
Very interesting opinions from the men. Very easy to see who is grown and accountable as opposed to those who still have some growing to do!!!!
East Point's Own
August 14th, 2009
10:04 am
I think we all know that married men and men in committed relationships get more attention for single women… But it’s not a valid excuse as to why not to label your relationship.
Leggs
August 14th, 2009
10:05 am
Dang, 65 comments! Let me say this then I’ll go and read. A confident woman BS!! Confidence has nothing to do with it. If you’re confident in OUR relationship you’ll acknowledge it in public as much as you do behind closed doors.
Poppa Grande
August 14th, 2009
10:05 am
AR
This is what Steve Harvey says in his book too
I haven’t read that book. I flipped through the pages one day while at Costco, but didn’t really focus on what he was saying. Then again, the book ain’t written for me.
I just know what my dad and grandpas said and did.
Honestly, just because we lay claim to one chick still doesn’t mean that some us aren’t aren’t out looking for more to add to the collection, though. The title thing can be used for evil as well. Dude has to back the words with action that correspond to it. Title alone is useless.
W8© (very relaxed and slightly hungover)
August 14th, 2009
10:06 am
lol@DK- true..you can tell how a dude treats the “lady” around his people her status…but then again do guys bring the girl who he is not serious with into his world?
Folks need to realize that just because you decide to date that you get an all inclusive into the others personal world…you two are still dating and getting to know each other..dont expect to meet the parents all of the best friends etc…in the first 2 months…heck I want to check you out first and foremost before I start bringing you around my close people..now if we are on that 3rd month and you havent met anyone in my inner circle…I personally might not be that into you…I cant speak for others or their time frames on bringing their “interest” into the comfortable world
Raqi
August 14th, 2009
10:07 am
Now if you are just dog ugly then I would say I could a mate not really going thru the trouble to introduce you are their significant other. They are probably secure in the fact that none of their friends and/or associates are going to try to get with you anyway.
But if you are at least half way decent looking and attractive, no man that I know will take you into a pack of hounds knowing that when an available (or not) man sees an attractive face chances are pretty high he will try to at least get to know your name. The same is true for us woman.
So that “title” again says you are off limits.
Fulfilling Me (You can't set me at a standard because I am the standard)
August 14th, 2009
10:07 am
“Dude has to back the words with action that correspond to it. Title alone is useless.”
Amen!!!
AmazonRed™
August 14th, 2009
10:08 am
I haven’t read that book.
PG – I figured, which is why I made that statment.
Dan
August 14th, 2009
10:08 am
@PG
I get the territorial thing (and know it well), but I’ve never been a possessive dude. I bout don’t understand the impulse…
If me and my lady are together, even when physically separated, she (and anyone looking) know she’s with me.
“This is my side piece”….killed me slowly with that one
Leggs
August 14th, 2009
10:08 am
@Infamous ~ thanks for the smile!
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 14th, 2009
10:09 am
Me personally I dont do titles because as soon as you start labeling things it gets complicated.. I just let it flow. Im a open book so wmen tend to know if they are my squeeze, my boo, my love thang, my shoobie doobie…. You get my drift..
I dont believe me running around telling nothing to you or anyone because guess what a person can fix their mouths to say anything.. the thing you better be paying attention to is my actions.. If I want you around and youre getting the Girlfriend treatment then guess what youre my girl cause I dont be out soending cahs on my friends.. If I let youmeet mama you better know youre my girl cause nobody meets mama and if you meet the little one youre gonna be around for a while.. No one has met The Dude yet, in passing maybe but no outings or quality time…
Raqi
August 14th, 2009
10:09 am
people will see how he treats you.. He doesnt even have to tell people if youre his friend or not because if they are his friends they already know
Thank you Infamous for backing up what I said up top.
W8© (very relaxed and slightly hungover)
August 14th, 2009
10:10 am
@Raqi-your 10:07 is funny..but true
Blow Me
August 14th, 2009
10:12 am
**ARED**
**Very interesting opinions from the men. Very easy to see who is grown and accountable as opposed to those who still have some growing to do!!!!**
Yes they are sticking out like SORE thumbs! Its childish to me. I don’t want no parts of someone who wants all the goings of a boyfriend title but doesn’t want the responsibility. NOT here! Not at all! Put in work to get the sweet rewards.
Its time to buy the cow and stop stealing the milk like a lil school boy. lmao!
**Poppa Grande**
**Honestly, just because we lay claim to one chick still doesn’t mean that some us aren’t aren’t out looking for more to add to the collection, though. The title thing can be used for evil as well. Dude has to back the words with action that correspond to it. Title alone is useless**
Action speaks so much lounder than words. It’s what you do..Not what you say. You don’t have to tell me you love me everyday…If you are showing it…thats all I need.
Kym
August 14th, 2009
10:13 am
Friday Funny..
THE WEDDING TEST
My fiance and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me.It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well , I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, ‘I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.’
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her walk up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, ‘We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.’
And the moral of this story is: Always leave your condoms in the car.
Professor...this little falcon is now an EAGLE
August 14th, 2009
10:14 am
Besides titles I look at how other people behave (stalkers, ex etc.) I had a psycho quiz me about her man. It took all I had not to let Zone 3 out (as I stated yesterday I used to be bit grimy). So in that case a title did not mean a dam.n thing if she was looking in my face (stranger) asking about her man (committed relationship). Game 101 she was lacking…go to your man Boo.
@Fulfilling I feel you on that one…we live and we learn. I also use my gut and my gut is usually on point. So if I feel something is not right I will ask some direct questions and go from there. With the questions that I ask it is not about the answer I get back, but the actions and how he responds to the questions. At this point in my life I try to keep things BS free, so I can smell shyt in my carefree life.
I could write a few chapters on stuff like this….
W8© (very relaxed and slightly hungover)
August 14th, 2009
10:14 am
@DK- I feel you on meeting the kids..nobody has met the kids except for one person and she and I were in a relationship for two years…but on the current scene..NOPE NO WAY NO HOW!!!
…find a ugly woman and make her your wife…a pretty girl will have you crying the blues…but when a ugly girl leaves she aint nothing to lose…..lmao…funny song…but for the shallow minded it’s true..lmao
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 14th, 2009
10:14 am
PG – Men lay claim to the wife and the jumpoff. A married man will act just as crazy over his girlfriend as he would over his wife.. Complete with asking her why she’s cheating on him..
Leggs
August 14th, 2009
10:14 am
Thanks Raqi, I don’t need to read no mo! “From my experience when a man is really into you and is claiming you as his acknowledging the exclusiveness of your relationship to others it will show on his face and in his body language.” Here’s $20 for the collection plate!
AmazonRed™
August 14th, 2009
10:15 am
I dont believe me running around telling nothing to you or anyone because guess what a person can fix their mouths to say anything.. the thing you better be paying attention to is my actions..
DK – That’s all well and good. But if someone asks you if such and such is your squeeze, boo, love thang, shoobie doobie…. is she claimed or not?
East Point's Own
August 14th, 2009
10:15 am
With the hairshow and all in town what is going on in downtown ATL tonight? I need to get some info from folks who know that there is life outside of Old National Hwy. strong>
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 14th, 2009
10:17 am
Ladies get over that Steve Harvey Book.. That dude is a hater.. He’s washed up and wrote a book about stuff you already know.. So dont ever come to me with what Steve Harvey Book says, you and I both would be better served if you could tell me what Superhead said..
Poppa Grande
August 14th, 2009
10:17 am
Dan
The bad thing though is that when his lady or “Queen” (as he called her) found out about the side piece, she tried to leave. He beat the stuffing out of her, and darn near killed her.
Luckily her AKA sorors found a place for her after she got out of the hospital.
He was still territorial even though he was trying to play the field.
Actually me and a few friends think that he was a real life pimp and Melissa was really one of his “employees”
Raqi
August 14th, 2009
10:17 am
And it’s more than just what we know as a couple, we are also talking about what you are willing to let the outside world know. Or else you may be ashamed or weighing your options.
Professor...this little falcon is now an EAGLE
August 14th, 2009
10:17 am
@Kym…too funny!
…I need to step out and get some work done.
Lady Low
August 14th, 2009
10:18 am
The title friend works fine for me. That’s all I’m looking for anyway.
Fulfilling Me (You can't set me at a standard because I am the standard)
August 14th, 2009
10:19 am
@Professor…actions speak volumes. As you said, my guy usually leads me right when I follow it. Have learned to not be blinded by words and check deeper. Even when things are established, I “monitor” the behavior to make sure we are vibing on the right page.
Poppa Grande
August 14th, 2009
10:19 am
DK
Men lay claim to the wife and the jumpoff. A married man will act just as crazy over his girlfriend as he would over his wife..
Agreed. That is why is said that title alone mean nothing.
Fulfilling Me (You can't set me at a standard because I am the standard)
August 14th, 2009
10:19 am
guy=guts
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 14th, 2009
10:19 am
ARED – My folks will know cause they know me.. They wont even have to ask because they know how I treat my Lady.. Nothing is spared.. No stone is left unturned.
Professor...this little falcon is now an EAGLE
August 14th, 2009
10:20 am
@DK I am reading Superhead’s book now and it is worth the buy!
AmazonRed™
August 14th, 2009
10:20 am
Yes they are sticking out like SORE thumbs! Its childish to me. I don’t want no parts of someone who wants all the goings of a boyfriend title but doesn’t want the responsibility.
Blow Me – That’s exactly what it is.
Titles don’t make things complicated. People do. And if you’re gun shy about calling your girl your girl, then either you’re making her pay for the mistakes of your past, or you’re the complicated one.
Titles can bring a sense of security for women. A woman who knows where her relationship stands and where the boundaries is a woman who can rest easy. It’s not the time where game playing and insecurity increases.
Kym
August 14th, 2009
10:20 am
A married man will act just as crazy over his girlfriend as he would over his wife.. Complete with asking her why she’s cheating on him..<<<<< I know this very well.
I was actually told: You just with me until someone else comes along. I am not sure how I feel about that.
Professor...this little falcon is now an EAGLE
August 14th, 2009
10:21 am
CORRECTION: I meant to add that I am reading her book in addition to my scholarly journals and periodicals.