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It Might Get Loud

I caught up with a former coworker recently who told me that she had a dating dilemma. She had to tell her new man that she has a checkered past and she wasn’t sure how he would react. Carmen grew up in foster care and then went to a group home as a teenager. She made a lot of mistakes as a troubled teen and has a bit of a criminal past.

It’s nothing outrageous and it was a long time ago, but she is concerned about how her boyfriend will perceive her. She admits that he can be pretentious and she is afraid that he would get upset when he finds out that she didn’t grow up like he did, in a wealthy family.

When you are dating someone knew, how worried are you about opening the closet of skeletons? What if your skeletons are fresh and new, and in the not so distant past? Do you reveal it before an exclusive relationship has begun?

Have you ever dated someone that shared something about their past and it was a huge deal breaker for you? How did you handle that?

296 comments Add your comment

Stan

August 13th, 2009
8:45 am

If it is a deal breaker, then he is not the ONE. Simple enough…just move along.

Dan

August 13th, 2009
8:51 am

Good morning,

I don’t like to be surprised by revelations during a relationship (”39?”). Tell me before it gets serious, let me make a decision as to how to react to what you’re telling me and then how I/we will proceed.

I mean, put it out there (the good and the bad) and let the person make an informed decision about, potentially, who they are dealing with.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
9:06 am

In between the commercials of ‘America’s Got Talent’ (my love’s new love) I was watching ‘Gary Unmarried’ and his dilemma was his ex-wife befriended his new love and he was afraid that the ex would tell the new-new some very unfavorable things about him leading her to no longer being attracted to him. Ironically the character received unsolicited advice from his early teenage son telling him to tell Ms. New-New himself. Everything that he thinks would harm his new relationship should she get the info from the ex he should just come out and tell her. Fortunately for him some of the stuff that he revealed was not disturbing to Ms. New. But we know that’s television and television has been known to romanticize and downplay the harsh realities. We live in a very unkind and shallow society.

All that to say she should tell him before he finds out some other way however still be selective in what she reveals. There is a certain thing as TMI. And sometimes while we think we are doing the right thing it can be harmful.

Just from what you posted her past doesn’t seem to be that bad. But the level of judgment is in the ear and heart of the receiver.

IMO when revealing something about yourself that could be less than honorable you should set the person up to be prepared to hear some awful news or info. i.e. “I’m about to tell you something really bad about myself”. Don’t do that. I say just let stuff come out in casual conversation. You are not hiding thing by not giving your entire life history on the first date. In fact the first date is not for that.

MR. Unknown

August 13th, 2009
9:15 am

I don’t like surprises, period!! If theres something in your past with the potential to just drop out of the sky and land on my head… Im going to be pissed, real pissed. I also don’t like looking stupid, like everyone in the room knows about your past except me thing.. Feed me the info bit here, a peice here, so that I can just digest it…

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
9:16 am

The more I think about it it’s a damn-if-you-do and damn-if-you-don’t situation. The people in this society that we live in will say they don’t want to be overloaded with your personal information when not in a serious relationship. But out of the other side of their neck will say they want to anything that may be unfavorable about you so they can decide if they want a relationship with you.

Heck outside of homosexual acts, child molestation, murder, a history of domestic abuse and animal mutilation everything else I would consider just a down slope in your life.

No one is perfect. If you grew up in the Gilbert-Huxtable household, don’t think less of me because I didn’t.

I was not wealthy growing up, my parents were. My feeding spoon was not silver. It was more like plastic. LOL

Professor...she works hard for the money

August 13th, 2009
9:18 am

…stepping in only for a minute. Whew, does anyone want to help me out with some of this work? I am trying to get my desk cleared before I go out on leave.

Good Morning All:

I will be brief…

When you are dating someone knew, how worried are you about opening the closet of skeletons?
Not worried at all, for the most part I have a pretty nice past and the stuff that made me a little grimy most men peeped that from the start it is part of the attraction, so they are cool with the story behind me.
What if your skeletons are fresh and new, and in the not so distant past? My bones are old and decayed…just a distant memory-adding flavor to my life.
Do you reveal it before an exclusive relationship has begun? See answer #1
Have a great day blog folks…hopefully I will be able to check in.

Professor...she works hard for the money

August 13th, 2009
9:20 am

@Mr. Unknown…I truly feel you I agree 100%. I do not like surprises and I d@mn sho don’t like looking like a fool. Tell me what’s up…I am a big girl and I can handle it one way or the other aka STAY or LEAVE.

Dan

August 13th, 2009
9:21 am

@Raqi

WD’s post was about her friend and her new dude, not a date. My assumption at this point is that they are “together”.

Based on that assumption, if I were in the dude’s shoes, I’d want to know whatever.

Ultimately, if you are confident about the person you are (mistakes and all), telling someone about them shouldn’t be a problem. Unless it’s still a potentially criminal matter, who cares?

Pretty Wings( The Sun is Still Shining)

August 13th, 2009
9:26 am

Ohayo gozaimasu Bloggers:

Good Topic WD!
Let me preface my comment with:
“Let He Who Is Without Sin Cast The First Stone”

There should be full disclosure and let the chips fall were they may. The right time to have the discussion is when they ask….. If what has been shared brings you closer, then you have your answer and if it does’nt move on.

Being transparent is a huge part of the process of building a strong relationship.

India Arie
Testimony 2
“I told him my biggest secret, then he told me four and that made me love him more”.

Have a Great Day! :P

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
9:27 am

Dan I didn’t say he was just a date. Where did you get that from?

Professor...she works hard for the money

August 13th, 2009
9:30 am

@PW…great post!

Dan

August 13th, 2009
9:30 am

The “first date” comment at the end of your post.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
9:33 am

Good morning. Great topic.

When you are dating someone knew, how worried are you about opening the closet of skeletons? I wouldn’t be worried. We all have a past, and we all have done some dumb stuff over the years. Even if I had a criminal record, I would reveal that upfront (not the first day) and let you deal with it the way it fits your soul and your position in life.

What if your skeletons are fresh and new, and in the not so distant past? Do you reveal it before an exclusive relationship has begun? Hmmmm, so fresh and so clean. Yes, I would.

Have you ever dated someone that shared something about their past and it was a huge deal breaker for you? How did you handle that? No, I haven’t. I doubt I could date someone who murdered someone, and I definitely couldn’t date a man that has been in jail for domestic violence.

@Professor, “stuff that made me a little grimy” – I like that.

MR. Unknown

August 13th, 2009
9:38 am

LOL, I have a quick question, off topic… If I let the elevator door close in someone face on purpose, would that be consider lack of tact.. The reason I let the door close in her face, was because she is the same person that let it close in my face. She is the type, if there is one negro on the elevator, that is one to many. Orrr should I have killed her with kindness… Sorry, you should have seen the look on her face.. lol Whatever it felt good.. haha

M.

August 13th, 2009
9:41 am

I have dated someone who when discussing their past, it was a little checkered, but also this could have happened to any of us. Like she had a child and then got married behind her parents back. Its funny because I don’t know if she was rebellious because growing up she had more than we did I am sure. I have 5 brothers and 2 sisters (I am a twin and my 2 brothers are twins to). All in all, who am I to judge? I have no contractional obligations to anyone, so if you have something that I don’t like, I can move forward without her.

@Wise Diva

Good topic, another aspect that relates to this and we should examine are “GRAVE SECRETS” i.e., I am going to the grave with that. What about the things that only the closet people or only you know? Will we ever tell our mates and will EVERYONE be playing with an open hand, or is it if they ask you will tell them? Like that time you went on that all-girls trip to Jamaica or guys that business trip you had to take to Phoenix….I will stop there lol…

Pretty Wings( The Sun is Still Shining)

August 13th, 2009
9:41 am

I gotta leave the blog with this ole’skool on tune………….

Don’t Ask My Neighbor
Song

You’re wondering if
I care about you
Is there some cause
That I should doubt you

Oh, I can see, boy
That you don’t know me very well
Uh uh, you’re so unsure

And you run here and there
To ask my feelings
Friends only guess
They can’t say really, oh

Don’t ask my neighbors
Don’t ask the friends I hang around
(Never ask the friends I hang around)
Uh uh, don’t be afraid
To come to me (come to me)
Don’t ask my neighbors

anonymousella

August 13th, 2009
9:45 am

my policy is this: i keep my past under wraps unless it’s affecting my present, and i don’t reveal the details unless i have to.

in your friend’s case, though, it sounds like she may be worried about nothing. i would think that by the time you’re serious enough to have a conversation about your family and upbringing, i think you know whether you are in it for the long haul. that’s information that may raise an eyebrow, but not scare him/her off.

plus, i have noticed that people reveal their class background pretty quickly if you’re paying attention. he probably already peeped that she didn’t grow up wealthy, though he doesn’t know that she was a foster kid. if he was that pretentious, he would have bounced.

M'

August 13th, 2009
9:46 am

Dan is baaackkkkk!…lol

If it ain't Sexy, it ain't Cool.

August 13th, 2009
9:47 am

Three Words Daily – Dream impossible dreams.

Professor...she works hard for the money

August 13th, 2009
9:48 am

Confession: I just thought about this…a few years back I went out to dinner with this guy. We had spoken on the phone quite often, but it was our first (and last in-person date). I will never forget he laid everything on the line good, bad and the ugly. Dude told me about his bad credit (he said it was because of his ex) to his mother having a voodoo spell cast on her to all of his hopes and dreams and his aspirations. I left the date tired and depleted and I felt like I knew too much too soon. Most of all I felt too tired to get to know the rest of him.
I really don’t feel like I was judging him, I just feel like it was too much for a first date…or maybe I did see a heap of mess that I did not want to deal with…who knows and who cares?

D Dub of the MSP (formerly of the ATL)

August 13th, 2009
9:49 am

We all make mistakes. Nobody’s perfect. The question is what did you learn from the experience.

It is better to find out from the source about what’s going on than to start figuring things out and lie about it. I dated someone in the past that told me one thing, but when I asked about anything that didn’t quite add up, she would get defensive and/or change the subject. I got to the point where I hardly believed anything she said and cut my losses. Had she been honest with me from the beginning, I honestly believe that I would have been OK with the truth – it really wasn’t that serious… but lying about it and insulting my intelligence gets you nowhere.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
9:50 am

Like she had a child and then got married behind her parents back

M(dot) I agree with you. That there ^ is no reason to paint someone black. It’s just life.

If it ain't Sexy, it ain't Cool.

August 13th, 2009
9:51 am

Yes. I have done things in my past that would cause some to give me the side eye. As I learned better, I did better.

I would be far more concerned with the possibility of a checkered present than the history of a checkered past. However, there can always be circumstances that are exceptions to the rule.

The Real Rell - operation vanilla pudding is on!!!

August 13th, 2009
9:54 am

good topic diva…i have dated former “street walkers”…”drug dealers”…”accessories to murderer”…”kidnappers”…and straight grimy street chicks….but again that was there past not there future..i did not judge them…nor did it impact my choice in them…my maturity level and timing was the cause of the demise of the above relationships…everyone has a past period….i mean that “conservative” chick you know from cali…could have been the hood strawberry for all you know…what does it matter….accept the person you with now…

If it ain't Sexy, it ain't Cool.

August 13th, 2009
9:56 am

Mr. Unknown – I am often surprised by the lack of elevator etiquette that people exhibit. Most notably, trying to get on before allowing people to exit. I always think to myself, “Ya damn nitwit. Does it not occur to you to step to the side for two seconds to allow people to get off and then there is more room for you to get on.?” Sheesh

As to your particular situation – ya’ did what ya’ felt like doing at the time. However, I always like to try to be the bigger person. (Although people make it VERY hard sometimes.) I just remind myself of this: You can’t be big and little at the same time.

I’m done.

Professor...she works hard for the money

August 13th, 2009
9:58 am

@Rell that is quite a list and it is good that you can look beyond the past. I wonder just how many of us can truly do that without those thoughts giving away in the back of our minds.

The Real Rell - operation vanilla pudding is on!!!

August 13th, 2009
9:59 am

i found one of my favorite songs this morning…cause i am in that mood….naomi – white….lyrics below.but the lyrics with the beat is the bizness….is it friday yet

And what I do is what I feel
And what I feel is where I have to go
And where I go is where you are
My love, my fear, my beating heart
My simple answer that I’ll never know

And what I say is what I know
And what I know is what my senses say
And what my senses say is this
That when I’m sceptical is please
And when I dare to take on, makes my day

And where I go is where you are
My love, my fear, my beating heart
My simple answer, that I’ll never know

And what I say is what I know
And what I know is what my senses say
And what my senses say is this
That when I’m specptical is please
And when I dare to take on, makes my day

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
10:02 am

Dan you misunderstood what I was saying but oh well by now.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
10:06 am

Growing up in a group home she should tell him that she had a whole lot of brothers from a myriad of different mothers. That would break the ice.

Professor...she works hard for the money

August 13th, 2009
10:06 am

…I am out I don’t see any volunteers to help me with these PS.
I will say this before I go human beings are walking contradictions. We say we don’t judge or care, but we still have that doubt in the back of our minds. We claim that we are ok with something and three months later we have an epiphany that changes everything (or we talk to friends that change our views). We curse and praise in the same day and sometimes within the same hour. Not to mention we try to act big, but most of the time our words and actions are below petty on the measuring stick.

So as for revealing your past to someone you are probably subject to what that person is feeling at that moment and those feelings can change two weeks, two days, or two hours later.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
10:09 am

@Mr Unknown, yes that was tactless. A tit for a tat. Not a good look on grown folk. Killing w/kindness would have been better. BUT, IT WOULDN’T HAVE FELT AS GOOD! :lol:

Grace

August 13th, 2009
10:13 am

I sum it up as we all have skeletons in our closet, some greater than others. At this point in my life there is nothing that surprises me when it comes to one’s past. It’s the past, unless you are still participating in it, then I’ll have to take a detour. I have a past, not as checkered but it’s a past that might raise a few eyebrows. As long his past doesn’t include, a murderer, child molester, drug dealer, a woman beater or a player, I will see him as a person who lived alot of life.

Wise I would email you but I don’t have your email address.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
10:16 am

You know I tell all my prospects about my past eventually and keep it on a need to know basis.. I’ve never been to prison but I have had some charges expunged, had a little probation and some house arrest but all that made me who I am.. Do I regret the mistakes I made? Yes and no. I do because I would never want my Son out there doing the things I did. Hustling did pay for college (no Student Loans)cause I knew I couldnt just run around here and hustle all my life. I think my past makes me a rare find because I’m reformed and can function in any environment. I see things other people would never see or pay attention to. Ive learned things a book could never teach you. The bad side of it all is.. I dont advocate anything Ive done over the years because the scars and the friends lost could never be reconsiled with the money I made. If I could give the cash back and see my patnas again I would. I have severe trust issues. I think the worst until you show me different. Ive seen things a war vet wouldnt talk about. Do I think I’m thugalicious? No because meeting me you would never know about my past. I have to accept the good with the bad becuase I didnt let the streets kill my joy or harden my heart so I consider myself lucky.

M. (pronounced M dot)

August 13th, 2009
10:19 am

@Raqi

Thanks for specifying.

@Blog

So what if you met someone and alot of the checkered past was old but they said that they have changed? Its funny because its a small world and I met this girl who I thought was realy high strung etc but through volunteering, I worked with a guy who knew her in college at FSU and let’s just say what he told me was shocking….

That’s the bad part about this business…people can recreate themselves especially in a place like Atlanta with alot of transplants. Don’t you all miss the good days when you could just ask around and find the dirt on someone and save yourself the heartache?

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
10:25 am

I believe in Honesty from the begin because if you are gonna have to accept me for who i am because I do. I accept me for me and at the end of the day thats all that matters. I can look myself in the mirror every morning and be ok with me.

If it ain't Sexy, it ain't Cool.

August 13th, 2009
10:25 am

Grace – Men with “playa ish” in their PAST do not bother me so much as one with “playa ish” in their PRESENT.

M-Dot – Even in asking around, you should always consider the source.

Tazzee

August 13th, 2009
10:26 am

Morning Folks! I believe in disclosing my skeletons early on. Especially since most guys look at my life now and think that I’ve always been fairly straight-laced. If someone can’t handle my past, they aren’t the one for me.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
10:28 am

you should always consider the source

Thursday Morning Gospel at WMIA.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
10:29 am

If someone can’t handle my past, they aren’t the one for me.

Tazzee – I can dig that

Kym

August 13th, 2009
10:32 am

Good Morning All,

Wisey I think she should tell him and I think his reaction to whatevea she tells him will be a good judge of his character. Growing up in a group home or foster care so what? Teenage trouble with the law..please I can make a list of 10 things(each) some well known folks kids did and are still doing even now..really lets not go there. All that should matter is what is she doing now. If this guy means her any good(I am channel granny today I see) then he will take her teenage indiscretions and upbringing with a shrug and a grain of salt.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
10:33 am

I am lead to believe that it’s really only the ones who haven’t done anything worth talking about or mentioning that claims to have the problem with other folks past.

Some people have yet begun to live. And never will.

Tazzee

August 13th, 2009
10:35 am

M dot – I would give the person a chance to show that they’ve changed. Especially if the dirt was done in college. At this age, I don’t give too much creedence to anything done greater than 10 or so years ago.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
10:35 am

Like Infa said up top, our past is what made us who we are now. Had most of us avoided life events and taken a different route we would not know what we know now nor be the one that we are.

M.

August 13th, 2009
10:36 am

@If it aint

Of course we should consider that but would you rather have some info with a grain of salt or no info at all?

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
10:37 am

I would give the person a chance to show that they’ve changed

Tazzee I too agree because if they have not changed it would show. And better yet it probably would have already shown.

For Real

August 13th, 2009
10:39 am

Mistake: Left the milk sitting on counter

Checkered Past: Did a 5yr bid for fraudulent check writing

Mistake: Forgot to walk Fee-Fee

Checkered Past: Shoplifting

Mistake: Left the toilet seat up… well naw you got two hands too

Checkered Past: Killing 4 people then running home and trying to cover it up

Grace

August 13th, 2009
10:40 am

M dot I remember those days, having the advantage of asking around about a particular person does save alot of heart/headache. In a big city you don’t have that opportunity to do that, you have to take the person’s word and hope they’re being forthright about it.

Dan

August 13th, 2009
10:42 am

@M’

Question: why would anyone “ask around for dirt”, when the person that could best give you that information is the person you’re dating?

I mean, if they revealed the information, fine now you know. If they don’t reveal something that pops up later, the fact that they didn’t share it with you tells you something about that person.

Either way, asking around tells you nothing about the person in the present tense and how they conduct themselves now; asking around gets only old information that may or may not be relevant.

And really, for me, asking someone besides me tells me more about you – regardless of what you find.

M.

August 13th, 2009
10:42 am

@Grace

You know it! When I lived in Chicago or was in college in Minnesota, somebody knew somebody and could dish out the dirt, and this was before google!

@Blog

If you could pay to get some valuable information about the person, other than a background check, would you?

selema

August 13th, 2009
10:43 am

i feel like the things that happened in your past are what made you are in the present and if whoever your significant other is cannot look past that and see the good in you now then they are not worth worrying about, Your a better person than that and you should know that.

If it ain't Sexy, it ain't Cool.

August 13th, 2009
10:45 am

M-Dot – I would rather trust my own instincts and judgement. Most often, that serves me rather well.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
10:45 am

For Real – You have a point and I would agree. Yes my past was checkered.

Grace

August 13th, 2009
10:46 am

Sexy it’s always a consulation to know that not every man has a play”ish” past :)

One action, taken now, can have powerful consequences far into the future. That fact can be a blessing or a curse, depending of course on what the action is.

Time will magnify whatever you do. So even in the smallest matters, do what is right.

The direction and purpose of each effort are much more important than the size of the effort. For over time, all your efforts will add together to exert great influence on your life and your world.

Your future consequences are being born right now. This is a moment of great opportunity.

Point all your actions, large and small, important and seemingly insignificant, in the direction you wish to see your life move. Time will combine all those actions into an increasingly powerful set of results, and now is when you can choose those results.

With your efforts, choose to put time on your side. Make the future your friend by making the most of right now.

M'

August 13th, 2009
10:47 am

Uh @Dan

To bring you up to speed…we have a M. (pronounced M dot) who is male…and then we have M’ (pronounced M apostrophe)…which be me…the female…lol

For Real

August 13th, 2009
10:48 am

If you were someone’s top producing prostitute, I need to know.

If you were on the wall of fame in 7 scrip joints throughout the southeast, I need to know.

If yo mamma is raising two or your kids, I need to know.

If big mamma is raising yo other 3 kids, I need to know.

If the CDC has your number on speed dial, I need to know.

Tazzee

August 13th, 2009
10:49 am

M dot – nope. If I have an inkling that I might need information that I need to pay for, then I’m not going to invest much more time in that person. I’d rather go with ‘my first mind’. My background checks stop at googling folks – and most times I do that with the person present so we can see what’s out there on the net about them. I’ve never even secretly googled anyone.

Although I did date one lying mofo that should have been checked out…but I suspected something was up with him in the first month – shoulda went with my first mind then.

M'

August 13th, 2009
10:51 am

M.

If the information (i.e the dish/dirt) came from a reliable source that I trusted to have my best interest at hand, then I may weigh it into consideration…again, looking at the source…and unless there was some reason for me to suspect that a person was not being completely transparent with pertinent and essential details (that are more indicative about present character and not some past discretion of nil consequence)…then no I would not pay for the information…at that point, my interest would have waned and I would be like smoke signals…in the wind…lol

For Real

August 13th, 2009
10:53 am

“M. (pronounced M dot) who is male…and then we have M’ (pronounced M apostrophe)…which be me…the female” – Why don’t yall just use the male and female symbol.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
10:53 am

Grace – That was a good one. I had a monumental shift of ideas and began to devote my life to doing whats right. I began to walk in the direction I wanted to go and so far it has yielded positive results.

The Real Rell - operation vanilla pudding is on!!!

August 13th, 2009
10:56 am

i can deal with most things but his right here

If yo mamma is raising two or your kids, I need to know.

If big mamma is raising yo other 3 kids, I need to know

i cant deal with…this really shows a lack of maturity

For Real

August 13th, 2009
10:56 am

Look it’s cool that you learned from past and that you think you are a better person but it’s still the other person’s decision if they want to consort with you. Getting defensive about YOUR PAST is silly. Hell I didn’t make the CHOICES YOU DID!

Girl dese men be trippin cause I voted top earner for 4yrs str8.

Man dese women be trippin cause I got 21 kids at 27yrs old.

Tazzee

August 13th, 2009
10:59 am

Anyone know a good dentist in the Perimeter area?

Grace

August 13th, 2009
11:01 am

Thanks DK! Way to go!

Kym

August 13th, 2009
11:02 am

I agree with Raqi..those with no business spend too much time in others. Now I have googled dudes..In the past I did alot of internet dating and so have my friends and as safety measures we looked dudes up..gave our location of dudes house and contact info in case someone came up missing. But if I want to know something I ask..I am too damn old for games.

@Tazzee you said mofo..I think that was the first time I have seen you curse on here..I knew I liked you

abc

August 13th, 2009
11:02 am

In keeping secrets about your past, you pose a greater affront by keeping the secrets than the affronts themselves represent, unless you’re a serial murderer, ex-hooker or erotic dancer, or something like that.

I won’t even bother with pointing out the obvious here!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
11:03 am

For Real – I was actually agreeing with you about me calling those mistakes because they werent it was poor decision making.. I’m never defensive about my past. It is who I am period. I dont deny it I embrace it and if people cant accept it then that’s them. I understand how squares look at me its nothing new..

Kym

August 13th, 2009
11:10 am

All I can say about those judging past behavior especially if you are over 35 is ..REMEMBER FREAKNIC.

Compelling

August 13th, 2009
11:10 am

I definitely believe in letting someone you’re serious about know about your past. What’s the harm in it? If we’re going to build a life together or potentially have a partnership why wouldn’t I want you to know all about me and where I’ve been. It might even help you out in the long run. I believe that my story can be a cautionary tale for some, and more of a tesitimony for others.

WD, I do believe that she should speak with the guy she’s dating and tell him everything. I agree with what others have said about revealing in pieces so that it doesn’t become too heavy a conversation. Like Tazzee said, if you can’t accept the whole package then you’re not the one I should be with.

If I can tell you what I’ve been through and you can accept me for who I am now, then I can respect you. However, if I tell you what I’ve been through and you can’t accept the new and improved more enlightened me, then I respect that too. Everyone deserves a choice. By telling someone about your past, it’s giving that other person a choice and that’s only fair. Don’t deny someone their right to choose.

M'

August 13th, 2009
11:13 am

Personally, I would rather be able to have a transparent interaction with any person that I may be interested in…not a whole lot of TMI too soon, etc…but I have nothing to hide and be ashamed of about my past…there have been many unusual experiences,etc…and if anything that I choose to share in an attempt at getting to know more about me and also knowing me better as a person creates a concern for someone and it makes him uneasy…then so bit it…peace and later…my out of the box life may be too much for some ppl’s comfort levels and boundaries…cool, cuz me cain’t take it back.

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
11:15 am

If you could pay to get some valuable information about the person, other than a background check, would you?

NO! If you do this you are dooming a relationship, especially a potentially romantic one.

Trust is important! Snooping around just shows the level of trust & faith that you have. In return they may not have trust in you. Getting any information from anything/anybody than the source is potentially slanted from that other source.

Of course, there are certain things that you need to know. If the person doesn’t tell you, then that tells you what you need to know in order to make an informed decision. If they do, that also gives you pertinent information.

If you scared of heartache, put your big boy drawls on or don’t date period. Everything has a risk of hurting you. In leaving for work everyday, we risk the possibility of never making it back home. Yet, we do it.

MR. Unknown

August 13th, 2009
11:19 am

@ Kym Ohhh Freaknik…. smh I really hope some of those pictures and the video tape I was in have since been destroyed,,, lol…

Lady Low

August 13th, 2009
11:19 am

My past is no one’s business but mine.

Tazzee

August 13th, 2009
11:23 am

For Real – you are right. I don’t have a problem with anyone that has a problem with my past. Just like the guys that believe a woman that doesn’t have a good relationship with her father won’t make for a good mate. I’ll be the first to disagree, but if my estranged relationship with my father is an issue for a dude – so be it. We just weren’t meant to be.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
11:25 am

HAAAAAAAA, I never understood Freaknic!

M'

August 13th, 2009
11:27 am

@Tazee

I have a good relationship with my father…he is and always has been an ideal role model as a Black man…as well as several other elder brothers in my extended family…yet, I am decidedly single for life…and what does that mean????…i.e. the absence of a strong father figure or the absence of an emotional healthy relationship with a paternal parent may influence, positively or negatively, how one views relationships, etc…but it is not the sole, primary or greatest factor in determining such an outcome.

Kym

August 13th, 2009
11:28 am

I always said if I ran for public office..I was going to save the media the trouble. I would have a binder printed of all my ex loves, and drama, my families stuff(they love to say what your family did) and then when folks start asking me stupid questions unrelated to the issues I would say..Please refer to page 43 in your binder, paragragh 3 line 2..should answer that.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
11:29 am

Just found this, and it fits the topic:

The Bible gives us six building blocks for developing long-term relationships:

1. We must be considerate. “People want others to be loyal, so it is better to be poor than to be a liar” (Proverbs 19:22 NCV).

2. We must be confidential. “No one who gossips can be trusted with a secret, but you can put confidence in someone who is trustworthy” (Proverbs 11:13 TEV).

3. We must be candid. “An honest answer is a sign of true friendship” (Proverbs 24:26 TEV).

4. We must be constructive. “People learn from one another, just as iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17 TEV).

5. We must be consistent. “Friends always show their love. What are relatives for if not to share trouble?” (Proverbs 17:17 TEV).

6. We must be committed. “Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers” (Proverbs 18:24 TEV).

M'

August 13th, 2009
11:37 am

@Kym

Amen…I would do the same…lol.

Tazzee

August 13th, 2009
11:39 am

M’ – I will be the first to admit that my relationship with my father had a negative influence on my relationships when I was younger, but so did a lot of other things.

Kym – I’ve just decided that I will never run for public office, or date anyone with plans to do so.

~Red~ New to the A

August 13th, 2009
11:45 am

I don’t have much of a past to tell men that I date, nothing to scarring or to scare men away. But I often wonder how much of a person’s past I’d be willing to look past.

For instance, if I was told about you being a playa…but u say u have since changed….would I really believe you had changed?? I doubt it (I have trust issues). That thought would always be in the back of my mind and I’d worry a lot.

If you told me you had herpes, or anything else that you could never get rid of, would I look past that? Hmm….that’s deep. That would depend at what point I was told, and how much I could see us being together.

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
11:47 am

Kym

I would have a binder printed of all my ex loves, and drama, my families stuff(they love to say what your family did)

You are going to the Michael Bowers school of politics, huh? He tried that when admitting an affair with his secretary. He was running for Governor at the time, after spending eternity as Attorney General. He did Guy Milner a favor by doing that.

M'

August 13th, 2009
11:48 am

@Taz

I think that the operative there is “younger”…immaturity can contribute to a lot of bad decision making consequences…granted any negative influences our emotionally/psychologically can contribute to the lack of clarity…but it does not have to indelibly etch us with scar tissue so embedded that is impacts all of our life decisions…b/c because without those same influences make the same decisions.

Mo (aka Moeisha aka Katt)

August 13th, 2009
11:59 am

Leggs – love that 11:30

Morning Err’body

Mostly lurking today, Massah is tryin to get his monies worth out of me today dag-nabit! I’ll chime in later

Soul 4 Real | All Days Long

August 13th, 2009
12:02 pm

[...] It Might Get Loud Atlanta Journal Constitution For Real – You have a point and I would agree. Yes my past was checkered. One action, taken now, can have powerful consequences far into the future. … See all stories on this topic [...]

Kym

August 13th, 2009
12:08 pm

@PoppaG I just think so much time is wasted trying to figure out who did who and where and for how long…that the issues get lost. So if I ran..I would say look..here is what I did, here is what my family did, now can we get on with the business at hand. The media spends so much time on silly stuff, mom jeans, Beerapoloza 2009, that all the stuff that does matter is never fully discussed. But I know I ask for too much. By the By the boy should have a computer soon but I am giving him a contract to be signed and ground rules for breaking the agreement. I told him there will be software on there to block sites I don’t feel are right for him, and his internet time will be limited to 3 hours a day-weekdays and 5 on weekends (That is what he has now.) Mac has a great parental control feature that does that. I explain that I am still the owner and administrator of the computer.. His only response “Can I still go online and get cheat codes for my games?”

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
12:32 pm

Kym

I just think so much time is wasted trying to figure out who did who and where and for how long…that the issues get lost.

Call me cynical, but I just don’t think that most people care about the issues. Most may care about one main issue, but most want to know about the gossip. Why did Strom Thurmond get re-elected after he really couldn’t even do that job effectively anymore? Why has Ted Kennedy spent nearly 50 years in Senate? Why did John Ashcroft lose an election to a dead man? Because most people vote on name recognition and party affiliation, not issues.

As for your son and the computer, good job on the contract. I could be a lesson on teaching him to read what he signs, too. Part of the problem with the foreclosure mess is people not reading the deed/promissory note and asking questions before signing. When I got my last car, the salesman probably thought that I was crazy because I sat there and read the whole thing before signing. I wasn’t just taking his word for it. I got somethings taken out, too, that I didn’t want to pay for.

Kym

August 13th, 2009
12:58 pm

PoppaG

I see your point on folks not caring. But it irks me that when issues like healthcare come up instead of getting informed about the issue they just start yelling with whatever side is louder.

I got the idea of the contract from a show. And I went online and found quite a few examples. I am pulling from each those things relevant to us and he will sign and I will sign. and I am going to post it on the bullentin board in his room.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
12:59 pm

She had to tell her new man that she has a checkered past and she wasn’t sure how he would react. Carmen grew up in foster care and then went to a group home as a teenager. She made a lot of mistakes as a troubled teen and has a bit of a criminal past.

I haven’t read any of the other posts so here goes….no explanation owed. How pretentious it would be if he’s seriously digging where she is now and then held her past against her. While I can say I don’t have what society deems a “checkered past” who are we to think one way or the other or look down our noses? If Jesus forgives you/me/us then so should we. I say it’s where you’re headed not where you’re coming/came from. I know some of us believe we are so far removed from the sins, short comings and downfalls others experience but realistically we aren’t. Just because you haven’t committed it, doesn’t make you better. I feel we (sibs) were somewhat sheltered but in the shoes of a youth, especially one left to fend, anything goes….sometimes. Lift, encourage, love, forgive….move on.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
1:01 pm

PG – John Ashcroft loss because he was a turd..

Tazzee – Let me find out you were on craigslist selling the goodies hitch hiking from state to state as a runaway..

Kym – In my Micheal Jackson voice Do not believe the media.. The media is evil..

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
1:06 pm

Infamous

John Ashcroft loss because he was a turd..

Name recognition that worked against him. It had little to do with his stand on issues.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
1:06 pm

Hey Leggs. :-) Kachow!! Flashing my Lightning McQueen Smile at ya

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
1:09 pm

PG – Turdy Turd McTurd..

Actually it wasnt even the dead mans name recognition that got him it was one live and well man he was associated with.. Dubya!

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
1:09 pm

Freaknic scared the bejesus out of me….I was tryna hang with my girls but uh uh, some of that stuff I saw sent me to the sidelines…watching only. Some things I induldged and enjoyed but some stuff…if I had to see it again, I’d put my own eyes out…gheesh

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
1:11 pm

Kym

Even on this healthcare thing, many folks aren’t reading for themselves. They are taking what others are saying. Healthcare is an emotional issue.

BTW, I think that Pres. Obama proved many of the Opposition folk’s main point by comparing US Postal Service/Fed Ex/UPS to what the Government Option Plan may be. The Postal service is always having to raise stamps or close offices and is always asking for more money from Congress. I am not sure that I’d want a health plan that followed that model and always needing help.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
1:12 pm

Ms Main – Jesus called and said all is not forgiven with you.. Im just a messenger.. ;-)

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
1:14 pm

Infamous

Ashcroft still didn’t lose based on his stand on issues. It was based on his posse or his crew. (Gossip type mess).

Dan

August 13th, 2009
1:15 pm

@Kym

This current healthcare debate does two things:

1) justifies the Republican strategy of “tactics vs. politics” as the uninformed populace is reacting to perceptions rather than reality; and

2) scares me to death.

To see these people that get interviewed (the one 35 yo from Specter’s town hall is really uninformed) and the one’s that generally shout and to know that they are allowed to vote with a lack of the issues, the process, even their lack of the very Constitution that they argue for makes me fear for the present and the future.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
1:16 pm

PG – Well the most popular psuedo news sites have become main stream.. Mediatakeout Bossip TMZ and others.. They even have a show called gossip girl.. We are for sure going to H3LL in a hand basket..

Dan

August 13th, 2009
1:17 pm

@PG

I think the exit polls show Ashcroft lost because of his association with G W Bush if I remember correctly. People voted for the dead man becuase they didn’t want Ashcroft and his political ideology

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
1:17 pm

Infamous

I do agree with your point about the media to a point. They show what they show because it gets ratings.

It is like why do we get a daily update on the Michael Jackson investigation? Because people watch. Ratings mean sponsors and sponsors. Like Notorious BIG said in the intro to “Juicy”, they just trying to make some money to feed their daughter.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
1:18 pm

DK and why (will Jesus) not pardone me? lol

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
1:22 pm

@Infamous, loving the smile…thank you. I read where you have “trust” issues. Baby, come lay your head on my chest and tell me why. You can trust me!

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 13th, 2009
1:22 pm

RE: Postal Service as an example of government run services…

Actually, the postal service works quite well, I’d say. True, prices do go up, but they’re still much more affordable than private options, and as for performance… I’ve never had a problem with them. People like to act as if the PS (and all government services) are such a mess, but in reality it’s pretty darn effective.

chink

August 13th, 2009
1:25 pm

Right Swiss I have yet to hear a postal service employee complain as a matter of fact its hard as heck to get in…most retire with great benefits.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
1:27 pm

Im running for president and I am gonna start balancing the budget immediately..

1. Im having a come to Jesus party for illegal aliens. Start paying taxes and get a green card. If you dont and we catch you we are gonna reinstate public hangings..
2. Im legalizing Hemp-a-saurus Rex.. All you out of work farmers start growing it so we can export the best Nice Dreams in the world.. California will be known as New Masterdam.. No wait we already have a New Amsterdam, so New York you win by default. I have friends that will personally QA the product and believe me this product will be stringently tested.
3. Im bringing our troops home and if you terrorist attack us, I personally will give the order to nuke the country of origin.
4. If you dont like us as a country then you cant get no more of our money..

Thank you and goodnight.. If you have any more questions please speak to my assistants.. Ms Moneypenny and Ms. P-ssy Galore.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
1:31 pm

Ms Main – Because he said youve been a dirty girl..

Leggs – Stop it now babe I gots to be hard. I cant be over he blushing and carrying on..

Oh and for all the folks that dont accept me.. I gots one thang to say. “I aints no criminal, I can read”

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
1:35 pm

Suisse

Postal service has serious financial issues. they are considering cutting another day of service. Tuesday is the proposed day to do that.

If works fine if you look at it by itself. However, by comparing to private companies of UPS and Fed Ex, it doesn’t look quite as well. UPS and Fed Ex generally are more reliable. Sure the cost is more for them, but you get what you pay for. Especially if you look at the fact that some tax money goes to the USPS (it is a gov’t department) and then you still have to pay a pretty penny for overnight delivery. So, you are actually paying twice still have some services taken away.

As a whole, I don’t think that all government services are bad. I laugh at folks that talk about how bad gov’t housing is. I laugh because I would venture a guess that most Americans have some form of government housing. My dad is a Vietnam Vet, and got his loan through the Dept of Veterans Affairs. Those loans are 100% guaranteed to lender. Therefore, the government pretty much buys those houses. I’m sure that plenty of folks got their loans through the VA. Same goes for FHA loans.

As a whole, it works pretty smoothly. Even in these times, VA loans are some of the more stable loans because the lenders are guaranteed their money.

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
1:44 pm

ON TOPIC

Regarding the young lady who acknowledges but yet and still self conscious about her past (upbringing)…The answer is definitely a yes. However, IMO she needn’t feel as if she has to lay everything (all at once) out on the line (as it has already been said). But total upfront, honesty is best. And I really don’t see much (that WD has divulged) to be that ashamed of…it’s obvious she took the a few lemons she was dealt and made a nice pitcher of lemonade out of them…so there should be obvious signs of growth; and not solely for his observations, but she should have the ability to see this herself and instead of beating herself up about “what was” she should actually be damn proud (of course without the “chip”). But looking from the outside in, I see no “real” problem here.

As for myself and my past. Yes, there is much to tell…

And it wasn’t until about the age of 21 that I began to realize the serioiusness of my actions and therefore dealing with them fully and I also remember around that particular era, is where that humility began to set in. Although I’m passionate about certain subjects, having that humility just balances it all out. So when it came down to sharing my past as it came up in casual conversation in that whole “get to know” phase, well it made things a little easier, however there was a time or two that I had been told that he could sense that I was experiencing some difficulty in simply discussing certain subjects – that guilt vs humility going on. But on the other hand was commended for being honest (accountable) for my actions nonetheless, (as expected).

So all of that to say, thinking back it was moreso “Me” having an issue with my past, not the other way around (at least from my experience). Heck, it seemed I had a story to tell, for every situation (when the inquiry was made). It has also been my observation that some folks tend to beat themselves up so much more than the masses and/or society ever could. So as soon as I recognized that pattern and once I got over that hump, it made the situation a whole lot easier to deal with/accept and focus more on where I was headed, and less emphasis on where I had been.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
1:48 pm

Ms Main – Jesus just called and said youre good.. It was the Ms. Maine that he has major concerns about.. Sorry for the inconvienience.

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
1:51 pm

I thought dirty girls got redemption by drinking the Blood of Jesus… so I should be as clean as the driven snow by now! Ahhh Glow-ry ;)

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
1:55 pm

My Two – Curse you dirty girls! Always repentin and carrying on.. Im like em soiled. I even got my own special brand of Jesus Juice..

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
1:55 pm

@Infamous, there’s enuf “hard” brothers on this blog. Be true to thyself. From what I’ve read, your “hard” days are behind you.

I believe someone already said this, but your past has definitely molded the person you are today. We all have learned from idiotic mistakes we made. I have plenty of lessons that I’ve thrust upon myself and sitting in the back of a police car almost on my way to jail helped to mold a particular facet of my being. All puzzle pieces will come together if your honest enough with yourself to fit the pieces where they belong in order to make yourself whole!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
1:57 pm

Disclaimer – I do have a personal relationship with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and I do talk to him regularly. However there is no need for the padded room and locked doors..

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
2:03 pm

All puzzle pieces will come together if your honest enough with yourself to fit the pieces where they belong in order to make yourself whole. I like.

Ms. Main – Hey chick, that’s just his way of sayin’ he’s diggin’ the new alias. ;)

Ha! Mytwo – I remember a time when I stopped partaking in communion for believing just the opposite. …and speaking of being purged today…Jamoca now yodelling to the blog mountain top “Riiiiiicccooooolllllaaaaaa” Lol

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 13th, 2009
2:06 pm

I agree with Swiss & Chink on the USPS. I think the financial issues they are dealing with have a lot to do with the fact that folks just are not using the mail as much as they used to. Think of all the bills you pay online now as opposed to mailing. Technology has changed the game too. Everyone is being hit for different reasons. As for the private companies being more reliable, I’d like to see a study. Personally, I have not had any more problems with one versus the other. All are gonna have a error rate because they are all run by humans, who are not perfect.

For Real

August 13th, 2009
2:18 pm

Social Services Provided by the Government:

1. Medicade/Medicare

2. Food Drug Administration

3. Housing & Urban Development

4. FEMA

5. Dept. of Health & Human Services

6. Dept of Education

7. Dept of Agriculture

8. FDIC

9. Dept of Consumer Affairs

10. CDC

11. Dept of Welfare

12. Dept of Energy

13. Dept of Labor

14. OSHA

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
2:21 pm

Ms Main – Jesus just called and said youre good.. It was the Ms. Maine that he has major concerns about.. Sorry for the inconvienience.

DK you had me sweating there for a minute….whew

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
2:22 pm

FedEx and UPS better have better service the then USPS. I pay them $16 to deliver a letter overnight here in Georgia compared to $0.44 that I would USPS to deliver it in 2-3 days.

Dan

August 13th, 2009
2:22 pm

@For Real

Point of order: the FDIC is funded completely by insurance premiums from the banks they insure.

For Real

August 13th, 2009
2:23 pm

You know I say lets get rid of all the social programs in this country and let the states pay for it themselves. That would balance the budget with the quickness.

DOL
OSHA
Medicad/Medicare
Social Security
FDA
Bank Regulation
Stock Regulation
FBI
CIA
DEA
NSI
DoD
Dept of Welfare
Federal Pen
All Branches of Miltary
Foreign Affairs
Commerce Dept
Post Office
Dept of Health & Human Services

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
2:24 pm

Ms. Main – Hey chick, that’s just his way of sayin’ he’s diggin’ the new alias.

Jamoca What’s up lady.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
2:26 pm

service the then USPS

That right ^ there is the results of typing with your hands full of baby butt. LOL

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
2:28 pm

Hmmph Jesus Juice, huh? Fell for that one time too many. Ain’t taste nuthin like what Pastor nem gave at the altar and why come y’all givin out more than a sip…

JAMOCA Chick, what got you sangin from the mountaintops n stuff? Got ya lil khaki shorts n hiking boots on playin Mountain Rescue with some Neantherdal, aintcha… tell him cuzn to call me hahahaa

Speakin od da Lawd, my coworkers n I used to play Confessional Thursdays. Somebody tell me a secret.

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
2:29 pm

**I always said if I ran for public office..I was going to save the media the trouble. I would have a binder printed of all my ex loves, and drama, my families stuff(they love to say what your family did) and then when folks start asking me stupid questions unrelated to the issues I would say..Please refer to page 43 in your binder, paragragh 3 line 2..should answer that.**

i love it!

what did one tampon say to the other tampon? we two stuck-up bytches! lol.

i like when you throw a bbq and ppl text you and ask *ang, what you want us to bring?*

For Real

August 13th, 2009
2:30 pm

Dan: Yes they are but it is still a social service to the citzens to promote confidence in banks.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
2:33 pm

Raqi How’s $23.00 for you…FedEx that is. Grant it, I was sending outside of Georgia but gheesh, for a few more dollars I could have delivered personally.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
2:34 pm

The 34 million dollar question is? Who is Ms Main?

Ya’ll know I cant keep up with the name changes..

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
2:37 pm

DK The 34 million dollar question is? Who is Ms Main?

Me

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
2:38 pm

on topic:

the one positive thing i did in my past may bite me in the azz one day. i actually feel it now. y’all know i got my tubes tied and fried, right? well, most of the guys i date are younger than me and tend to slip in the convo how they wouldn’t mind having more babies. i try to beat them to the punch, but sometimes i feel its too early to deliver info like that.

right now i’m feelin’ the heat and hoping he doesn’t get turned off when i break the news to him. i’m not a selfish person, but right now i feel as if i am. *sigh*

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 13th, 2009
2:41 pm

PG — Agreed. But why must the measure of effectiveness be profitability for everything? I find it hard to believe that we can’t find a way to provide some sort of public option for basic health care for less than what we currently spend. We spend more per capita on health care than any nation on earth, yet we have comparatively very poor results to show for it. Clearly the private sector isn’t that effective in this case, either.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 13th, 2009
2:42 pm

Raqi – I stopped paying the overnight rate to mail my grandmother stuff in S. Georgia. I’ve done the priority rate of $4.95 and most of the time it gets there the next day.

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
2:44 pm

would you call bustin’ out the trick’s car windows, the one who slept with yo man, a criminal background? i wouldn’t! so i’m good. lol.

Dan

August 13th, 2009
2:45 pm

Swiss is a socialist! Git ‘em!!!

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 13th, 2009
2:46 pm

@ Dan:lol: Well, I am swiss, right?

For Real

August 13th, 2009
2:52 pm

Raqi: Shouldn’t you compare overnight service to overnight service? It sounds like you are okay with paying $16 for overnight service to UPS and FedEx but you want overnight service from USPS for .04.

Swiss: the funniest thing about those protesters is that all of them appear to be on Medicare or VA benefits.

M'

August 13th, 2009
2:56 pm

USPS does very well with overnight and priority deliveries…my parents have been priority shipping to me for years from IL…to both GA and VA…I usually get the priority the second day…and the overnight is always delivered by noon the next day…or it is FREE!!!!!!!.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
2:58 pm

would you call bustin’ out the trick’s car windows, the one who slept with yo man, a criminal background?

Angie, I hope you did double to him….since you took that route

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
3:00 pm

@MsM
i did. believe that!

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
3:01 pm

RAQI If you pay me at that escalated rate, I might hand deliver it for yu.

Infamous, Ms. Main used to just post as “lurker.” Like several others. But she was the main one. With much loving harrassment, she has chosen to embraced the title.

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
3:02 pm

I’m not sure if you all are off the topic just yet. However, had a question i needed to get some help/advice/view points on. Let’s say you had a close friend or relative that has been dating this particular person for almost 2yrs. Has been by their side dealing with the SO’s kids and other things all while they are going through a divorce. Ok, these two have plans to get married and are basically in a real deal relationship…the kicker. What would you do or how would you handle the SO sending you a very inappropriate video of themselves doing something folks normally do alone? You’ve already deleted the video because you were so shocked at what it was when you opened it. You don’t want to be the ‘tattletale or person to rock the boat’ in their relationship and knows how that friend/relative feels about the SO as far as creating a life together.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:02 pm

Ms. Main that’s what I am talking about. You pay 35 times more just to get it there a day earlier. Folks complain about USPS or as some say “snail mail” but what more could you ask for at $0.44 per letter.

Kimmie I try to avoid when I can. And you are correct sometimes USPS can get it there next within the state.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
3:04 pm

With much loving harrassment, she has chosen to embraced the title.

Yes, thank you much My2

Kym

August 13th, 2009
3:05 pm

@For Real

You can’t just throw out the Consitution like that. All the agencies you named are Admin Agencies and most have state counterparts. Those agencies exist because Congress and the Executive branch are charged with doing the job each of those agencies do. (If you think progress is slow now..put Congress on the job of approving Tax Codes, and the court system adjudicating claims for UI or disability.)

The agencies function as a mythical 4th branch of govt doing job that the three branches are charged with doing. Taking away agencies is not the answer, maybe group some agencies together would work..but doing away altogether. That is not going to work.

M'

August 13th, 2009
3:05 pm

The only advantage of FedEx and UPS, IMO, is that you can schedule a pick up or have a delivery box if you are a business, etc…and UPS for ground deliveries is very reliable…but Greyhound will do it to for cheaper…lol…the prices for overnight delivery between the USPS and the other carriers is a real deal maker for me.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:06 pm

No ForReal what I am saying is sometimes the service is not that much better for the higher price.

LOL TwoLincolns, sometimes I feel the same way. I was going to send a package to my son once and for the cost it would have been a few dollars cheaper for me to drive it up there.

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
3:06 pm

@Hard
so you rec’d a nasty video of her man playin’ with himself, right?

Mo (aka Moeisha aka Katt)

August 13th, 2009
3:07 pm

Alright Party People….so what are we talking about now???

:smile:

Kym

August 13th, 2009
3:08 pm

In a Hard place, I have to ask why does said friend or relative SO’s have your number in the first place? I have cousins and friends cell numbers but I don’t have their husbands or boyfriends numbers. So why does he(I am going to assume he..men love sending pics like that) have yours?

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
3:09 pm

@M
the advantage for me is when you can go online to see the date and time your stuff will arrive/get there . . . and who signed for it. i often pay the price just for that.

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
3:09 pm

Beautiful Exactly!

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
3:10 pm

Suisse

But why must the measure of effectiveness be profitability for everything?

Because everything in the country revolves around profitability.

Honestly, I understand your point. In many countries making a profit on someone’s health is illegal. It leaves room from impropriety. Making people live with illness is way more profitable than curing someone said illness.

However, I see it from a doctor standpoint too. They spend so much on school and get student loans out of the ying yang, go through residencies, etc and then someone tells them what they can make. (that is a provision in most (but not all) of the versions of this bill floating around).

Don’t get me started on pharmaceutical companies and how they are allowed to invade my NFL game with boner pills but I cant’ see a commercials for real liquor or cigarettes. Most people don’t need all of the pills that are advertised. Sounds like someone getting something in return to me.

M'

August 13th, 2009
3:11 pm

@Inna Hard

I would tell the SO to come clean with the deed done…or I will tell it myself.

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
3:13 pm

Kym: has watched the kids for them and originally had number for the purpose of contact with the kids, and ocassional forwarded joke message but in almost 2yrs never any other contact made. Recently, both went to a particular place/event they both had to go to and the relative/friend suggested they ride together, which they did. Nothing out of ordinary occurred on that trip. However, a day or two after that, the improper behavior occurred.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
3:14 pm

In a Hard place, I have to ask why does said friend or relative SO’s have your number in the first place? I have cousins and friends cell numbers but I don’t have their husbands or boyfriends numbers. So why does he(I am going to assume he..men love sending pics like that) have yours?

Unleeeeess, there ain’t really a “cousin” and the “cousin” is really you. No? Cause if not, I’m asking the same…why/how is he sending or did you get the nasty video?

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
3:15 pm

@Hard, I would tell with the quickness. Why would he send you a video of them if he didn’t want YOU to see is prowess. Seriously, tell her! Again, he may think it might inspire you to have a 3-some. Have you and your friend ever talked about that. Could she possibly have relayed the conversation back to him. Anything is possible, but one thing for sure you need to tell your friend.

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
3:16 pm

@Hard
why did you delete it???? she needed to see that. you know how females are. she may not believe you. she may think you want her man!

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
3:16 pm

HARD PLACE “…and other things all while they are going through a divorce.” uhm yeah this isn’t the focus of what you actually want feedback on, but if she has been thru the thick of it with him, she may definitely be clouded. Cuz trials will bring you together if they don’t tear you apart. HOWEVER… I am that kinda friend that you can be mad at me for two years for telling you a hard truth cuz I luv ya so much. Mighta replied with a WTF?!?! and copied her on it if it was via email.

Wait, are you and your friend both female? Or are you a sensitive fella whose buddy’s mate is hot to trot?

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:17 pm

Unleeeeess, there ain’t really a “cousin” and the “cousin” is really you.

LOL Ms. Main</strong). Girl might be pretty good with that hammer.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:20 pm

I say forward the video to the wife-to-be and see if she recognized the evidence.

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
3:21 pm

The matter of having each other’s phone # is totally 100% innocent. Relative knows and has never had any reason to feel uncomfortable with that. I have never even thought, looked, or wondered about him in that way, nor thought he had any funny thoughs either. Which is why the whole video thing just TOTALLY blew for a loop. Since video has been deleted, what evidence could be presented to friend/relative as proof…will be their words against the SO’s.

M'

August 13th, 2009
3:22 pm

@Beautiful

You can track with the USPS too…now, if it is an extra special and most important priority…then yes by all means I use FedEx or UPS…but if it is urgent and the overnight or priority with the USPS will suffice…then I will save the money and use that service.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
3:22 pm

@Hard, ok, of himself. Still, TELL. Why does he have your phone number anyway? That is so disgusting, tacky and disrespectful toward his so called SO to do that.

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
3:23 pm

@Hard
since you messed up by deleting it, jus leave it alone.

but you’ll be ready for him next time, right?

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 13th, 2009
3:24 pm

“However, I see it from a doctor standpoint too.”

PG — Believe me, I don’t begrudge doctors any of the money they make, but it’s not doctor’s profits that are the real problem. It’s the insurance industry. They are the ones whose primary motivation is to provide as little care for as much money as possible.

“Because everything in the country revolves around profitability. “

But again, why must that be true for everything? It’s sort of like the difference between the religious & the radical religious nut cases. I’m all for capitalism; it’s clearly the most effective economic system, as it channels an unavoidable human characteristic (greed) for overall good. However, it’s an economic system, not a philosophy of life. Capitalism has become our national religion & we’ve crossed the line into radical zealotry.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:25 pm

I agree with TwoLincolns, some things are worth having a friend or relative mad at you.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
3:25 pm

That is so disgusting, tacky and disrespectful toward his so called SO to do that.

Even moreso towards you….getting comfy enough to send is way offensive

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
3:26 pm

**You can track with the USPS too** didn’t know that. thanks M!

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
3:26 pm

You can track with the USPS too

yep

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:27 pm

Hard have him resend the video and then show it to the wife.

M'

August 13th, 2009
3:27 pm

Well, if the SO could start off the relationship with that sort of deception then I believe it is only the beginning of what is to come…and then the blood guilt is on your hands as an after-the-fact, knowing-before-the-fact accessory so to speak…again, tell the SO to fess up or do it yourself in front of the two together.

~Red~ New to the A

August 13th, 2009
3:28 pm

Do you and said SO have similar names, or at least start with the same letter…maybe he fwd it to you by mistake. I’ve been there, done that….SOOO embarrassing!

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
3:30 pm

Beautiful…that’s was more of my train of thought. To delete it was just an impulse reaction like wtf is this..didn’t even watch the whole thing. So i figure to just really sit back and if he does something off the wall again to let it be known. I also thought about having a talk with him basically stating that was inappropriate and disrespectful to his gf and that if he doesn’t get it together that i will definitely let it be known to her. But i’m thinking if he felt compelled to that to me, being so close to his gf, that he’s probably sending that type of stuff to other chicks. I mean can you even believe he had the audacity aka ballz to do that. Maybe he wants to sabatoge the relationship in an indirect way…lawd help me.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
3:30 pm

@Beautiful, that advice right there is sending the wrong message. A lot of men will take her silence as acceptance. The fact that she doesn’t say anything to him nor to her tells him, he might have a chance at something. That’s how their little brains work. Silence sometimes can be weakness and in this case, no need to wait for a second change, pounce now!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
3:30 pm

Hard – Perfect example of why you shouldnt mess with someone going thru a divorce.. The rebound never works.. It may like Brad and Angelina but 9 times out of 10 it doesnt because the experts say you need time to heal between the relationship before starting anew..

Now to the ? at hand. What you gonna tell? You deleted the evidence.. The only thing you can do is tell that fool if they eva eva eva eva eva come at you like that again youre gonna expose their A$$.. They dont know you deleted the evidence..

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:30 pm

M’ I wouldn’t even say what’s to come, but more of what will continue to be. If that video incident is true being quite a bold move, I am lead to believe that it’s probably not the first time he has done something like that. That’s a very bold move.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
3:32 pm

@Main ~ you’re absolutely right and that’s why I said :arrow: The fact that she doesn’t say anything to him nor to her tells him, he might have a chance at something. He’s testing her loyalty to her SO, her level of self-esteem, her ability to stand up for what’s morally right in her world, etc. It’s all a test, best believe that!

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:34 pm

They dont know you deleted the evidence

Infamous she should tell the wife that she has something very disturbing she wants to show her while he is standing there. LOL

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
3:35 pm

Raqi – That aint his wife.. He’s still married to some other chick going thru a divorce..

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:36 pm

Hard what phone service do you use?

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
3:36 pm

Leggs He’s testing her loyalty to her SO, her level of self-esteem, her ability to stand up for what’s morally right in her world, etc.

Yep, I think so too. I’dda put him on blast…yep sho would have. Like someone just said, UNLESS the numbers/names are similiar and it was done in error, I would blast him.

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
3:36 pm

Ms Main I really felt sick to my stomach and had me wondering what did I do or ever say in passing to make him feel it was okay to do that. I am in a relationship of my own and he knows this as well as the person i’m with. He can’t say it was a mistake because we don’t have the same letter in our names.

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
3:36 pm

HARD PLACE The funny thing is that you feel stuck without the vid. I see your point but I’d fully expect my dear friend to take my word for it. She should give him the benefit of the doubt, but it would still make me uncomfortable. I wouldn’t fabricate something that would hurt her like that. But next time, fwd it to me for an independent examination of the evidence. ;)

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:37 pm

Heck if that’s the case Infamous show it to the wife and the girl friend. Help both of the women out. LOL

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
3:38 pm

Suisse

But again, why must that be true for everything?

Captialism is all about profitability. Those that try to survive otherwise usually don’t. Things cost money. Everything has to be socialized for it to work. Medical supplies cost money. Equipment breaks. Everyone that has their hands in the cookie jar from the X-ray repairman to the pharmaceutical company that finds the medication to cure an illness wants to be paid for their work. Therefore, you have to control those costs as well. That puts you deeper into the private sector.

In theory, I’m with you. However, in real American life, it is what it is.

That is why I’m willing to give what little time and energy to others (as in volunteer) so that they can come up as well. I’d rather people realize that you gotta deal with what you face than wish that there was some other thing.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
3:39 pm

HardHe can’t say it was a mistake because we don’t have the same letter in our names.

There you have it girl (I think), do the needful. That will teach him, there may be others will to roll like that but you ain’t one of ‘em. He’ll never forget you for setting him straight and will ALWAYS respect after you check him. Blast him girl, nothing to lose. The cousin may be/get hurt but she’ll sooo appreciate in the grand scheme of it.

Dan

August 13th, 2009
3:40 pm

@Swiss

I agree with your statement (@3.24).

I think that regulation is the way to constrain capitalism, even Adam Smith said it. But I think more than anything smart regulation will forestall this mess from happening again. And on creating the smart regulation needed, BHO is DEAD WRONG.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
3:40 pm

Heck if that’s the case Infamous show it to the wife and the girl friend. Help both of the women out.

Now that was funny

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
3:40 pm

Yes you can get tracking but you have to pay separately for it.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:40 pm

I am in a relationship of my own

Hard sweetie, that’s your answer and out right there. You should have showed it to your man/husband. I don’t know about the man you are with, but my husband would have taken care of that situation with the quickness.

~Red~ New to the A

August 13th, 2009
3:41 pm

@Hard-do you have a “deleted” folder in your pic mail?

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
3:41 pm

2cents: that’s exactly the dilemna, not having the video anymore. I don’t feel she would doubt me but at the same time I don’t want to stir up drama without it to show to her and he flip it around on me, having me look like an a s s…then she end up staying with him due to all that has been invested into their relationship. (it would be hard for a person who is totally invested in a relationship to believe their SO would send a vid of them choking the chicken to a close relative/friend)

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
3:43 pm

@Red nope sure don’t…it’s a blackberry. Already tried to go to albums to pull it up after I realized I should’ve kept it. It’s gone. :-(

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:43 pm

A~Red~ that’s why I asked which phone service she used. My son has T-mobile and all of his pictures and videos are stored online with T-mobile even after he deletes them from his phone.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:46 pm

stir up drama

How are you stirring up drama HARD? He is the one that started the drama. Heck he is drama. He is dating while still married. He is sending pictures of his personal acts to other women while still married and with a girlfriend. Hell if that ain’t already drama then what is?

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
3:46 pm

@Hard, since you’re in a relationship yourself have you thought about telling your boyfriend so he could handle him on the side. You should tell him or her. Hell, tell all 3.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:46 pm

Enter your comments here

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
3:47 pm

**What you gonna tell? You deleted the evidence..**

eggsacly!

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
3:47 pm

RAQI I just saw that too… Her dude coulda, woulda, shoulda shut that shiii down. Unless…

HARD PLACE Do you think your friend & dude woulda wondered what “you did” to entice him into sending it? Cuz I know folk like that, and it’s a separate kinda foolishness.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
3:47 pm

I don’t feel she would doubt me but at the same time I don’t want to stir up drama without it to show to her and he flip it around on me, having me look like an a s s…

Since you know you’re shooting straight from the hip, holding her best interest at heart, impossible to look like anything but a true friend/cousin…no matter how it’s perceived. You know you’re doing it for the right reason, how it’s received or perceived is not on you. Now what you don’t want to do is have her walk in eyes wide shut and you know all along the type of dude he is, she catches wind of just how scandalous down the road and you’re back tracking like “oh, since we’re on the subject, one time he forwarded a dirty video…..” Oust his behind.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:49 pm

TwoLincolns Girl she is dealing with a situation that her man could have, should have, and if he was mine WOULD HAVE handled way back when. Not me.

Kym

August 13th, 2009
3:49 pm

@Hard well he could have hit your number by accident in other words who is to say the pic was for you. If you confront him in front of her all he has to say..is the pic was for your cuz/friend and he didnt realize the error.

You said yourself there has been no approachment or contact in a sexually way..so you can’t very well say he grab my butt at the family picnic, so technically you can tell but without proof of a email video that says: For Hard Place..How would you like to rock this? Your story is suspect.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
3:49 pm

Heck he is drama. He is dating while still married. He is sending pictures of his personal acts to other women while still married and with a girlfriend. Hell if that ain’t already drama then what is?

Good point…he’s got a wife, a chick on the side (really that’s what it is) and now working on pulling at your….oust him

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
3:49 pm

She could also possibly tell girlfriend to check his sent folder. Lotsa folk forget to delete that.

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
3:50 pm

**But next time, fwd it to me for an independent examination of the evidence.**

shyt, me 2! i love to laugh. lol.

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
3:52 pm

**he’s got a wife, a chick on the side (really that’s what it is) and now working on pulling at your….oust him**

that bas.@tard is busy as a mugg! lmao.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:52 pm

But Kym sending it to her by mistake does not make it any better. The fact is he was sending it to someone other than his lady or wife. Hard already said that their names does not begin with the same letter. Whether her, the cousin, or some other woman, the present lady needs to know.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
3:53 pm

See right, there HARD. You feeling bad, low for the actions of another person. Stop it, find your backbone and speak up.

I remember coming on this blog asking if I should have let a male “friend” help me out with a neighbor that was coming on too strong. I opted to handle it myself. I was told that that even a male “friend” wants to protect his friends. You have a boyfriend/SO so you should tell him. Your honor, your sensibilitie and your vision (lol) have been compromised. Have your man handle this man!

Kym

August 13th, 2009
3:54 pm

And with all due respect dragging your man into is drama for real. Cause if they are thinking like I am thinking why does your cuz man have your number(innocent or not) in the first place? Now you got your man looking at you sideways…because he is going to wonder what’s really going on. If dude is messing around he will slip up eventually. But I am telling you the story has holes..

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
3:54 pm

Yes, I’m thinking Between a rock and a Hard should have shown it to her man FIRST…then proceed with how to break the situation down to her friend/relative. The man can deal properly deal with lil buddy.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:55 pm

Yes Ms. Main oust him so the girlfriend can douse him. With a boil of hot grits. J/K LOL But not really.

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
3:56 pm

Correction: The man can deal properly with lil buddy.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
3:58 pm

The solution really is an easy one.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
3:58 pm

My2 that bas.@tard is busy as a mugg

Probably think cause he outslicked the other two (wife and said girlfriend), he’ll try his talents on her…3rd time the charm

With a boil of hot grits. That ain’t no joke. He’s straighten and fly right…ask Al Green and Lionel…lol

MR. Unknown

August 13th, 2009
3:59 pm

@hard First of all, he wouldn’t have sent the vid, if he didn’t have an exit strategy.. Its going to be a he said she said,, and when he has her alone.. Thats when he may flip the script on you, why would she delete said item, if it never existed in the first place.. I was in a rush before sending that vid and got emails mixed up… And he wouldn’t have sent it, if there wasn’t a little flirting going between the two,, hmmm.. Just a couple of ex of how that could back fire and blow up in your face… Putting someone on blast is a cute little phrase, but if you go in there guns blazing you may shoot urself in the foot… Im out,, you guys have a good evening…

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
3:59 pm

why does your cuz man have your number(innocent or not) in the first place

Kym now you are back to the beginning. That’s the question of the year. I think she tried to get us off of that one but I am glad you brought it back up. LOL

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
3:59 pm

Damn, I’d hate to waste a pot of grits on his sorry behind.

Speakin of… RAQI isn’t it time for you to make some more shrimp n grits? I’m available for brunch Saturday lol. Seriously, I’ve been wanting some and some seared scallops too.

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
4:00 pm

**how it’s received or perceived is not on you.**

great point!

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
4:00 pm

…yeah, thinking about it more, your man would/could have been your backup…whether you decided later to delete it or not. Always CYA!

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:02 pm

Raqi, I am not saying it was right. I am saying that the story has holes.

1. Her number is in her cousin’s phone from when she kept the kids…why? I have kept kids before for family but I am not keeping my boyfriend’s numbers in my phone

2. Dude has not made move the first on her..sorry but before most dude start sending dyck pics they normally send them to those with potential interest not random psuedo family members.

3. She deleted the video..why? She said she was in shock ok fine you might could sell that..but if she is all concern for cuz welfare why not keep the pic to back up the story. Sorry I don’t believe you..you need more people.

Again I am not saying it is right I am saying it is swiss cheese. If dude is smart, he can turn the tables on her and she will look like the shyt starter breaking up the good thang over something she can’t prove.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
4:02 pm

then proceed with how to break the situation down to her friend/relative

Jamoca that’s easy. Let him explain to his girl why his face is all skowl and he is carry his wang in a cooler filled with dry ice.

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
4:03 pm

Mr. U seems to have this too down pat. Ladies, grill him tomorrow hahhaa

Ms. MAIN I think Angie said that, but it’s oh so true bout the busy bee. And guess what, that’s part of the hustle. How can I be doing all this and that. I know that’s your cuz and y’all are close…I’d have to be a fool… The more obvious it is, the easier some of us make it for them to get away with it.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
4:03 pm

Mr. Unknown Getting shot in the foot, I doubt it. No matter what lie he’s concocted, it’s still on her to lay it down. The truth of the matter. As I mentioned, she’s got nothing to lose, so if he can lie his way out (i.e. exit strategy), then it’s on her the girlfriend. At that point she’ll need to make a choice. The truth over a lie. But by no means will Hard be in a lose lose situation. All she can do is tell what happened, the truth, evidence or no. I would be asking myself (if I was the girlfriend), why in the heck would she pull a story like that out of her butt…I’d give some credence to it. If the cousin doesn’t believe her, it’s all good and she’s in the clear. Trust, if he slicks out of this one, he’s simple, he’ll do something else….simply because he thought he got away with it.

MR. Unknown

August 13th, 2009
4:04 pm

Oh one last thing,, Its hard to beleive a grown man would put himself out there like that… never leave evidence,, no paper trail… Sounds kind of dumb.. If he’s that stupid,, it shouldn’t be that hard to put him on blast… Sound like im hating here.. but uhh if he’s dumb enough to do it once, he’s stupid enough to do it twice set him up is the easiest solution.. make him send it again while said girl is there or something creative…

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
4:05 pm

My2Ms. MAIN I think Angie said that, but it’s oh so true bout the busy bee. And guess what, that’s part of the hustle. How can I be doing all this and that. I know that’s your cuz and y’all are close…I’d have to be a fool… The more obvious it is, the easier some of us make it for them to get away with it.

Igg zackly

RaqiLet him explain to his girl why his face is all skowl and he is carry his wang in a cooler filled with dry ice.

You’re on a roll…I had to lol on this one.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
4:05 pm

Man her dude prolly a chump thats why she aint told him yet. Cause it aint no way any dude would ever try and holla at my girl after theyve met me. Not saying im hard but I do command respect when I meet dudes.. I look em straight in the eye, give em a firm hand shake and I dont know you I aint doin all that shuckin and jivin.

Unless she was talking wreckless about her dude and saw an opening.. Hmmmmm

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:06 pm

Okay you know what I am not retyping what I said again. Why in the world does my stuff keep getting lost in the ajc system?

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
4:06 pm

The story doesn’t have holes. There was nothing suspect going on with the reason’s of having the other’s phone number nor in the actions between both parties at any given time. The relative/cousin also has my SO’s phone number so that aspect is such a minut detail of the big picture. Something had to have clicked on in his head to all of a sudden feel as if hey, why not try her?, for whatever reason. When us two had to ride together for the event, all we talked about was about the divorce crap, the kids, and how he felt about the gf. So i’m not sure if the open forum type discussion set him at ease or what. I can understand him having a lot going on with the whole divorce thing so maybe being able to just talk about that stuff set off something in him. I have no clue. Either way it was wrong and inappropriate whether he meant to send it to me or not. I appreciate you all’s advice, suggestions, POV’s because I did ask for it. I’m having a hard time with this because A) I no longer have the video and B) It would be so hard to tell her when I know how much she has invested in this relationship. His wife is a non-issue because it’s not like he lives at home, and they’ve been legally separated for a long time. Maybe i’ll send her an anonymous letter. ;-)

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
4:08 pm

How can I be doing all this and that.I know that’s your cuz and y’all are close…I’d have to be a fool…

Just the way he’ll spin it

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
4:08 pm

Mr. Unknown there is no out. The fact is he sent the video to her cousin. Even if the cousin was trying to get at him, HE is her man and should not be sending videos to other woman. There is no way to justify that situation. He sent the video and his loyalty is suppose to be to the one he is with.

If the cousin is wrong then she should “oust” both of them, ’cause they are made for each other.

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 13th, 2009
4:08 pm

PG / Dan — Like I said, I’m all for capitalism. I just don’t think you can let “the market” run totally unabated in every circumstance nor can you allow profit to motivate issues affecting basic necessities of life. People don’t cry “socialism” over police protection or military protection or fire/EMS services. Why should basic medical care be for profit?

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
4:09 pm

Man her dude prolly a chump thats why she aint told him yet. Cause it aint no way any dude would ever try and holla at my girl after theyve met me. Not saying im hard but I do command respect when I meet dudes.. I look em straight in the eye, give em a firm hand shake and I dont know you I aint doin all that shuckin and jivin.

Again…igg zackly

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
4:10 pm

A dont involve your dude in your mess. You better clean it up cause either way youre toast.. Cause if your dude finds out and you didnt tell him.. Youre done.. If your folk find out and you didnt tell them. Youre done..

The only thing you can do is tell that fool if you ever do that ish again Im gonna air your A$$ out.. Im gonna let it go how it goes.. Youve lost any edge you had..

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
4:11 pm

Just the way he’ll spin it

But Ms. Main he sent the video. A video of him pleasuring himself. Ain’t no way to put a spin to that.

“Explain the video, dude. Explain the video.”

chink

August 13th, 2009
4:11 pm

People don’t cry “socialism” over police protection or military protection or fire/EMS services. Why should basic medical care be for profit?

Good Point!

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
4:12 pm

@Hard
don’t pay any attention to the bloggers who make you out to be the culprit. they can’t help it. you responding to the accusations will make you look bad.

i’m guilty of this too.

SexyCool

August 13th, 2009
4:13 pm

You’re doing too much thinking about it. The window of opportunity seems to have closed. Let HER sleeping dog lie.

Pretend like your name is Fess and avoid all unnecessary mess.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
4:13 pm

I only say spinning cause he’s a liar and the evidence is no longer in tact and is going to deny it with a straight face and say as My2 said, shoot girl, why would I do that and ya’ll cousins…blah blah blah…that’s what I mean by spinning. But yeah, there’s a video….now in no man’s land

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:13 pm

It would be so hard to tell her when I know how much she has invested in this relationship. His wife is a non-issue because it’s not like he lives at home, and they’ve been legally separated for a long time. Maybe i’ll send her an anonymous letter. <<<<This makes you suspect. Sending anonymous letters screams drama and high school.

Dear ___,

You don’t know me but your man is cheating he is sending videos to women and I think you need to check him.

Sign

Anonymous

PS It looked ashy.

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
4:13 pm

INFAMOUS Talkin wreckless… I have told some of my girls about this. As for your take, I’m luvin that. Men like you, everyone in their realm will be protected. And that’s some bs right there he put out there that I woulda surely looked to the protector to handle.

HARD PLACE Even now, have you considered telling your dude?

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
4:14 pm

Hard – Do you dress slutty? Or has he met more than one SO?

Not saying he had a right but he prolly thinks youre loose..

Or maybe he’s just a perv and you smiled when you shouldve looked away either way dude felt comfortable enough to send you a pic of his tallywacker being corralled

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
4:14 pm

Not saying im hard but I do command respect when I meet dudes

Infamous that’s what I am talking about. Her man would have to be a chump to let that slide. On both ends.

If my husband ever found out some dude sent something like that to me and I didn’t let him know I was being disrespected like that…siiiggghh…words cannot state it.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
4:14 pm

As much as it would hurt…I would want to know.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
4:14 pm

This is beginning to sound like an episode for Jerry Springer!

Grace

August 13th, 2009
4:15 pm

Hard I would bring it to everyone’s attention, if you don’t say anything, you’ll send him a message that you are alright with the video he sent you. nip it in the bud, you don’t want this thing to backfire on you.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
4:15 pm

so that aspect is such a minut detail

Nah it ain’t.

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
4:15 pm

DK Yepper! All edge is gone. So either i’ll just end up telling her and figure out the rest later or just tell old dude that he is on thin ice, and any other suspect behavior will go directly to her, no if’s ands or buts about it. As far as telling me SO, i told him as if it were a friend of mine…he bout flipped out and I know if i were to tell him it was actually me, you might see me on the news. I have to be smart about that because it is natural for men to PROTECT, sometimes at all costs. Don’t want to see anybody shot or locked up for a dang on video of the palm shuffle.

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 13th, 2009
4:16 pm

“PS It looked ashy.”

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Kym — Okay, I just about pee’d my pants on that one…. :lol:

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
4:16 pm

Hard – Especially in a situation such as this, the last thing that you need to be worried about is how your folk will take the information (concerning your relationship with her). Because if she so dares takes his words over yours about something like this by looking at you sideways, then honestly she deserves everything she’s going to get from this dude. Everything. She may not want to see the signs sooner, but she damn fuh sho’ gone see them later. And she may not make this known to you right off, but you’ll be in her thoughts nonetheless. Everything has a way of working itself out, when its no longer in our hands. Now go on, and be a big girl nah…and swallow those pills. A lot of times, the right thing to do, is also the hardest the decision to make. Hope it all works out.

Mr. Anonymous – Why is it that some of you fellows believe yourselves or each other to “be hatin’” on your fellow men, instead of callin’ em like you see em? Takin’ it to the head, no chaser tactic is only reserved for the ladies huh?

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:17 pm

@Raqi what video? She ain’t got no video..she got zippo and while the blog dudes are quiet other than DK they know the spin would be on. Let it go. Close the window on crazy and move on.

SexyCool

August 13th, 2009
4:17 pm

Maybe he really didn’t mean to send it to her. And she may just be buying problems by even addressing it.

I say act like it didn’t happen THIS time. If there is another inappropriate occurence, address THAT at THAT time.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
4:18 pm

Let HER sleeping dog lie.

LOL SexyCool that could have a few different meanings.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 13th, 2009
4:19 pm

Hard – How long ago did you delete it? There is a way to retrieve deleted emails. I can’t explain how to do it, but I’ve have computer nerd friends to help me with that plenty of times.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
4:19 pm

@Hard ~ keep some of these posts. It’s the only backup you have of this video truly existing.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
4:20 pm

Kym – I about died over with that PS – It looked ashy

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
4:21 pm

Kym the anonymous letter was just a joke…hence the ;-) placed directly after that. I would not do her that way. Either I’d tell her face to face, or not at all until he did something suspect again. This is the same finger pointing that happens when a female accuses a dude of raping or assaulting them…all the finger pointing goes to the wrong folks.DK nope don’t dress slutty. Haven’t spent the night over there when he was there…never have been seen in shawt shorts. The worst he might’ve seen me in is my Head rag and believe me, that isn’t a slutty or sexy look. The event we had to attend was a business event so business attire was worn. No alcohol or anything of the sort was involved other than bottled water and coffee. If that turns a dude on, they need to be on the s ex offenders list somewhere.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
4:22 pm

But Ms.Main he doesn’t have to know that she deleted it. Heck you can online and download some flastercating smut easily. She could have a video and I promise you he will be talking too fast trying to get his story straight to even notice the wang is not even his. LOL

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
4:22 pm

Hmmm HARD PLACE If I had to choose, I definitely would’ve written the script that either you mentioned it or you did not. Painting the picture like what had happened to a friend and then coming back and sayin no, really, what had happened to me, was… I’m just not a fan of shading truth.

What dude ain’t gonna wanna know about this? What dude would react well to finding out after the fact?

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
4:24 pm

Leggs @Hard ~ keep some of these posts. It’s the only backup you have of this video truly existing.

Blog women are on it…may not be hardcore evidence but good gesture. Heck I’d just say it. No evidence in hand and let the chips fall where they may. As I mentioned earlier and a couple of others, he can deny but trust cause he thinks he slide by on this one, he’ll do something else…

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
4:25 pm

**As much as it would hurt…I would want to know.**

me 2 gurl . . . me 2.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
4:25 pm

slid by…that is

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:25 pm

Leggs what good are post on a random blog, from nameless folks, about a suspect issue, that you have no proof of. See this is drama. So dude is sending diggty pics..he stupid because he didn’t check the addy and number before he send, he will get caught eventually. If you all indignant next time you see him at the family picnic pull up next to him and say look you sent me a video that was nasty I don’t know whats going on with you and Sha-Sha but leave me out of it. Then walk away. Done. He is on notice and you can rest your nerves.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
4:26 pm

I say act like it didn’t happen THIS time

SexyCool is that what you would want if it was your cousin and your man involved. I love my friends and family too much to just let them have to deal with something that disrespectful and I know about it.

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 13th, 2009
4:27 pm

On a totally unrelated note… bachelor party this weekend! :-D

Disclaimer: Swiss is not responsible for any inappropriate pictures or videos that any of you may receive this weekend.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
4:27 pm

Raqi – She could have a video and I promise you he will be talking too fast trying to get his story straight to even notice the wang is not even his

that’s cause he’s a schiester

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
4:29 pm

Jamoca – She knows her folk in love cause if she wasnt she wouldnt be debating it.. She knows her folk prolly been side-n with dudes all her life and knows she wont believe her without proof.

Now me being the Artist I am would do this if its presented. I would deny deny and deny some more.. start putting seeds of doubt about the cousin sweating me anyway. Like “baby I dont know why she would say something like that, but do you remember that day she showl was smilin a lot.” Or “Has she been having problems with her dude?” and to seal it off “I am willing to bet she’s jealous of us baby” I wouldnt go out doingnothing extra like a guilty dude I would be non chalant about the whole ordeal. Like it doesnt phase me cause its not true.. Then the capper would be.. I would confront her with a smile on my face like “Hey why did you tell her I sent a video of myself, thats not even in my character”. I wouldnt argue or even appear to be upset. I would close with “I feel sorry that you have to make up such vicious rumors for attention to tear us apart, but its not gonna work because I love her and would go to the end of time for her” or something crazy like that.. I would def play the situation how it goes.

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
4:29 pm

Appreciate the help…i’m going to pray on it and hope that clarity comes in the morning. This just might be one of those times where I put it in God’s hands and let go. As I heard somewhere today…the truth buries lies & keeps them in the past…Lying keeps the past well into the future. Thanks Folks. Will let you all know how it turned out.

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
4:30 pm

Suisse

People don’t cry “socialism” over police protection or military protection or fire/EMS services. Why should basic medical care be for profit?

Police protection and military protection are inherent powers from the Constitution for preserving the Union. The Articles of Confederate, US’s first legal document, didn’t really provide that. It gave power to each state and the states didn’t adhere to the federal system. You had states not cooperating with each other and trying to undermine each. So they changed it when they made the Constitution, gave Federal police power which starts with Congress making laws that other entities enforce.

Furthermore, there are people that call the entities that you named socialist entities. However, they call it necessary to keep peace. So that American can enjoy their life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

Most of those against those entities don’t have anything against those entities. They just don’tthink that the government with its red tape is efficient and is wasteful of tax money.

I said earlier that I don’t believe that health care should be for profit. However, I don’t want it infringing on private business profitability either.

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:31 pm

I still think pic was going to some other woman and not you. Dude send pics/vids to women who want to see it or have seen it and want to see it again. They do not go around randomly sending videos to see if they will get lucky.

~Red~ New to the A

August 13th, 2009
4:31 pm

Smdh@DK being the “Artist that he is”

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
4:31 pm

ok. right now i’m flip floppin’ on what Hard should do.

i think its gonna happen again. be ready!

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
4:32 pm

But yeah, I say bring this to both of their attention, in person (and of course in private)…simply state whatever it is that you have to say (inappropriate, big n’ bold, etc) and how you had a REAL problem with that. No back and forth about it. Let your folk know you love her, whether she takes heed or not and simply walk away.

The end.

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
4:35 pm

FILTHY VILLANOUS See, that’s the extended version of my 4:03 and why me, Moca, Main, Sassy, Kimmie et al get real confu-zed bout how y’all think there’s sumthin new under the sun! Most of us ain’t really as crazy or slow as y’all would like to believe. So if those who ain’t reformed wanna capitalize on the ones on the short bus, go right ahead.

SexyCool

August 13th, 2009
4:35 pm

I will allow any dyckwad one apparent lapse in judgement – I don’t care whose man it is.

Chances are if she tells the cousin, Dude is going to have an explanation. The cousin is going to WANT to believe Dude. Which will result in strained relations between she and her cousin.

I say, if it’s a one-off, let it go. If there is any other inappropriate contact, which she will then keep proof of, burn that bridge when she gets to it.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
4:36 pm

Oh and then I would flip the script and play mad.. Like “I just cant believe this is happening”. “Are you serious?” Why would you lie on me like that? I know Im not what you want for her but were good together. Look Babe (To GF) I have to go. I cant be around someone who would stoop to such low levels and try to insult my integrity.. Im outta here.. Call me later.. (And pray to god she comes with me..) cause if she doenst ole girl can get in her ear without me..

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
4:38 pm

I hear whatcha saying, Kym and I thought about all that randomness. All I can say is she’s not having a conversation with ghosts. The fact that many of these bloggers can be identified and tracked down says quite a bit.

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 13th, 2009
4:38 pm

“I still think pic was going to some other woman and not you. Dude send pics/vids to women who want to see it or have seen it and want to see it again. They do not go around randomly sending videos to see if they will get lucky.”

Kym — Yeah, that could well be. A buddy of mine got a pretty hilarious text pic of some fat chic’s azz, complete with tramp stamp, taken over the shoulder in the bathroom mirror. He proceeded to post it on facebook for all to ridicule… :lol: Just some random chic — not even anyone that was a contact. I mean, who manually dials a number when “sexting?” :lol:

M'

August 13th, 2009
4:39 pm

You peeps be easy, check you manana…peace.

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:39 pm

And on a happier note..FOOTBALL TONIGHT!!!–WHY YES!!!YES THE SIX TIME SUPERBOWL CHAMPION STEELERS ARE PLAYING TONIGHT!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHH BABY!!!

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
4:41 pm

**They do not go around randomly sending videos to see if they will get lucky.**

wanna make a bet?

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:43 pm

@Leggs unless one of us saw the video..all we know is her story.

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
4:44 pm

Thanks Folks. Will let you all know how it turned out. <— See, folks always post something like this, and hardly ever come back with a sequel. LOL…but their was one, but that was it!

Oh Infamous One – I can always depend on you and a select few to be RAW with honesty. Thank you.

However, with my memory and just to let my cuzzo know I ain’ buh-shyttin’…I’d tell her exactly what I witnessed in the video, from all sorts of positions, angles….Ooooo babies, give it to me’s, color of the sheets, hardwood floors, candles in the window sill, hair styles, whether she was being choked, her head game being weak (per him giving her lessons like a drill sgt)…all ‘at! LOL I have an extremely good memory. She’d know, her sis ain’t playin! While walking away and letting her smoke on that for awhile.

Raqi – Slow down over there! Lol

My2C – It wasn’t nuthin sis, justa yodellin’ while admiring the echo.

Ms. Main – Sup chica? Been busy as all getout and trying to stay off of folk’s minds.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 13th, 2009
4:44 pm

I still say she can probably retrieve the deleted video.

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
4:46 pm

it made for good convo . . . and look its almost quittin’ time.

simmer. dayum!

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 13th, 2009
4:46 pm

PG — Yeah, I’m not arguing with you — I think we’re basically coming from about the same place. I’m more venting against this blind faith that many seem to have that “the market” will make everything work out as is should and that everything should be left up to its infinite wisdom. That’s simply not the case.

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
4:47 pm

KYM It’s a slight possible that it was a mishap, but have you never gotten an UNsolicited sexual type photo/video text? I tend to think they throw out the net and see what they can catch.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
4:47 pm

Yeah, we only have her side, but unless she’s demented she’s taken up the entire afternoon talking about a video that no longer exists. I’m kidding! I think she can get the video back.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
4:50 pm

@Hard, you certainly helped the afternoon roll on by!

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:50 pm

My two I have gotten videos but they came for a source I knew and were pictures and video of something I was already familiar with or trying to get to know. But that’s a whole other Oprah.

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
4:51 pm

Of course she can…(regarding the retrieval of said video). Just gotta do a little more legwork. I know that regardless of what I delete, my carrier allows me to go online to retrieve texts from at least 6-12 months ago. Better get her lil self on the phone with customer and/or technical support and ask questions. Cuz if there’s a will….and ya’ll already know the rest.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
4:52 pm

Goodnight everyone!

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

Peace!

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
4:55 pm

Suisse

Yeah we are. I agree but there is only so much that we can do.

It is one of the reasons that I am not a big shopper of Wal-Mart. The kill many countless business each year. They will undercut the little guy until they bow out. That effects the people that the little guy buys from. And so on.

Plus they’ve done some shady things in their own right.

The market will not correct itself in that light. The big get bigger and the small die.

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
4:57 pm

good luck Hard! i have a feelin’ that this isn’t over for you.

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
4:58 pm

Alright ya’ll…

Keep ya’ faith in Gawd, but still lock ya’ doors…and if ya’ gone be and monkey???…be a gueriilla! ~ Hannah’s Baby

G’nite.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
5:01 pm

Oh yeah, to Kym’s happier note…I’m heading to the preseasoned game….yeahhhh….got the serious hookup…

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
5:04 pm

Not seasoned as in Lawry…but season…oops

Soul 4 Real

August 15th, 2009
12:57 am

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