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It Might Get Loud

I caught up with a former coworker recently who told me that she had a dating dilemma. She had to tell her new man that she has a checkered past and she wasn’t sure how he would react. Carmen grew up in foster care and then went to a group home as a teenager. She made a lot of mistakes as a troubled teen and has a bit of a criminal past.

It’s nothing outrageous and it was a long time ago, but she is concerned about how her boyfriend will perceive her. She admits that he can be pretentious and she is afraid that he would get upset when he finds out that she didn’t grow up like he did, in a wealthy family.

When you are dating someone knew, how worried are you about opening the closet of skeletons? What if your skeletons are fresh and new, and in the not so distant past? Do you reveal it before an exclusive relationship has begun?

Have you ever dated someone that shared something about their past and it was a huge deal breaker for you? How did you handle that?

296 comments Add your comment

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
4:18 pm

Let HER sleeping dog lie.

LOL SexyCool that could have a few different meanings.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 13th, 2009
4:19 pm

Hard – How long ago did you delete it? There is a way to retrieve deleted emails. I can’t explain how to do it, but I’ve have computer nerd friends to help me with that plenty of times.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
4:19 pm

@Hard ~ keep some of these posts. It’s the only backup you have of this video truly existing.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
4:20 pm

Kym – I about died over with that PS – It looked ashy

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
4:21 pm

Kym the anonymous letter was just a joke…hence the ;-) placed directly after that. I would not do her that way. Either I’d tell her face to face, or not at all until he did something suspect again. This is the same finger pointing that happens when a female accuses a dude of raping or assaulting them…all the finger pointing goes to the wrong folks.DK nope don’t dress slutty. Haven’t spent the night over there when he was there…never have been seen in shawt shorts. The worst he might’ve seen me in is my Head rag and believe me, that isn’t a slutty or sexy look. The event we had to attend was a business event so business attire was worn. No alcohol or anything of the sort was involved other than bottled water and coffee. If that turns a dude on, they need to be on the s ex offenders list somewhere.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
4:22 pm

But Ms.Main he doesn’t have to know that she deleted it. Heck you can online and download some flastercating smut easily. She could have a video and I promise you he will be talking too fast trying to get his story straight to even notice the wang is not even his. LOL

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
4:22 pm

Hmmm HARD PLACE If I had to choose, I definitely would’ve written the script that either you mentioned it or you did not. Painting the picture like what had happened to a friend and then coming back and sayin no, really, what had happened to me, was… I’m just not a fan of shading truth.

What dude ain’t gonna wanna know about this? What dude would react well to finding out after the fact?

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
4:24 pm

Leggs @Hard ~ keep some of these posts. It’s the only backup you have of this video truly existing.

Blog women are on it…may not be hardcore evidence but good gesture. Heck I’d just say it. No evidence in hand and let the chips fall where they may. As I mentioned earlier and a couple of others, he can deny but trust cause he thinks he slide by on this one, he’ll do something else…

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
4:25 pm

**As much as it would hurt…I would want to know.**

me 2 gurl . . . me 2.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
4:25 pm

slid by…that is

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:25 pm

Leggs what good are post on a random blog, from nameless folks, about a suspect issue, that you have no proof of. See this is drama. So dude is sending diggty pics..he stupid because he didn’t check the addy and number before he send, he will get caught eventually. If you all indignant next time you see him at the family picnic pull up next to him and say look you sent me a video that was nasty I don’t know whats going on with you and Sha-Sha but leave me out of it. Then walk away. Done. He is on notice and you can rest your nerves.

Raqi

August 13th, 2009
4:26 pm

I say act like it didn’t happen THIS time

SexyCool is that what you would want if it was your cousin and your man involved. I love my friends and family too much to just let them have to deal with something that disrespectful and I know about it.

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 13th, 2009
4:27 pm

On a totally unrelated note… bachelor party this weekend! :-D

Disclaimer: Swiss is not responsible for any inappropriate pictures or videos that any of you may receive this weekend.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
4:27 pm

Raqi – She could have a video and I promise you he will be talking too fast trying to get his story straight to even notice the wang is not even his

that’s cause he’s a schiester

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
4:29 pm

Jamoca – She knows her folk in love cause if she wasnt she wouldnt be debating it.. She knows her folk prolly been side-n with dudes all her life and knows she wont believe her without proof.

Now me being the Artist I am would do this if its presented. I would deny deny and deny some more.. start putting seeds of doubt about the cousin sweating me anyway. Like “baby I dont know why she would say something like that, but do you remember that day she showl was smilin a lot.” Or “Has she been having problems with her dude?” and to seal it off “I am willing to bet she’s jealous of us baby” I wouldnt go out doingnothing extra like a guilty dude I would be non chalant about the whole ordeal. Like it doesnt phase me cause its not true.. Then the capper would be.. I would confront her with a smile on my face like “Hey why did you tell her I sent a video of myself, thats not even in my character”. I wouldnt argue or even appear to be upset. I would close with “I feel sorry that you have to make up such vicious rumors for attention to tear us apart, but its not gonna work because I love her and would go to the end of time for her” or something crazy like that.. I would def play the situation how it goes.

In a Hard Place

August 13th, 2009
4:29 pm

Appreciate the help…i’m going to pray on it and hope that clarity comes in the morning. This just might be one of those times where I put it in God’s hands and let go. As I heard somewhere today…the truth buries lies & keeps them in the past…Lying keeps the past well into the future. Thanks Folks. Will let you all know how it turned out.

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
4:30 pm

Suisse

People don’t cry “socialism” over police protection or military protection or fire/EMS services. Why should basic medical care be for profit?

Police protection and military protection are inherent powers from the Constitution for preserving the Union. The Articles of Confederate, US’s first legal document, didn’t really provide that. It gave power to each state and the states didn’t adhere to the federal system. You had states not cooperating with each other and trying to undermine each. So they changed it when they made the Constitution, gave Federal police power which starts with Congress making laws that other entities enforce.

Furthermore, there are people that call the entities that you named socialist entities. However, they call it necessary to keep peace. So that American can enjoy their life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

Most of those against those entities don’t have anything against those entities. They just don’tthink that the government with its red tape is efficient and is wasteful of tax money.

I said earlier that I don’t believe that health care should be for profit. However, I don’t want it infringing on private business profitability either.

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:31 pm

I still think pic was going to some other woman and not you. Dude send pics/vids to women who want to see it or have seen it and want to see it again. They do not go around randomly sending videos to see if they will get lucky.

~Red~ New to the A

August 13th, 2009
4:31 pm

Smdh@DK being the “Artist that he is”

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
4:31 pm

ok. right now i’m flip floppin’ on what Hard should do.

i think its gonna happen again. be ready!

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
4:32 pm

But yeah, I say bring this to both of their attention, in person (and of course in private)…simply state whatever it is that you have to say (inappropriate, big n’ bold, etc) and how you had a REAL problem with that. No back and forth about it. Let your folk know you love her, whether she takes heed or not and simply walk away.

The end.

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
4:35 pm

FILTHY VILLANOUS See, that’s the extended version of my 4:03 and why me, Moca, Main, Sassy, Kimmie et al get real confu-zed bout how y’all think there’s sumthin new under the sun! Most of us ain’t really as crazy or slow as y’all would like to believe. So if those who ain’t reformed wanna capitalize on the ones on the short bus, go right ahead.

SexyCool

August 13th, 2009
4:35 pm

I will allow any dyckwad one apparent lapse in judgement – I don’t care whose man it is.

Chances are if she tells the cousin, Dude is going to have an explanation. The cousin is going to WANT to believe Dude. Which will result in strained relations between she and her cousin.

I say, if it’s a one-off, let it go. If there is any other inappropriate contact, which she will then keep proof of, burn that bridge when she gets to it.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 13th, 2009
4:36 pm

Oh and then I would flip the script and play mad.. Like “I just cant believe this is happening”. “Are you serious?” Why would you lie on me like that? I know Im not what you want for her but were good together. Look Babe (To GF) I have to go. I cant be around someone who would stoop to such low levels and try to insult my integrity.. Im outta here.. Call me later.. (And pray to god she comes with me..) cause if she doenst ole girl can get in her ear without me..

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
4:38 pm

I hear whatcha saying, Kym and I thought about all that randomness. All I can say is she’s not having a conversation with ghosts. The fact that many of these bloggers can be identified and tracked down says quite a bit.

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 13th, 2009
4:38 pm

“I still think pic was going to some other woman and not you. Dude send pics/vids to women who want to see it or have seen it and want to see it again. They do not go around randomly sending videos to see if they will get lucky.”

Kym — Yeah, that could well be. A buddy of mine got a pretty hilarious text pic of some fat chic’s azz, complete with tramp stamp, taken over the shoulder in the bathroom mirror. He proceeded to post it on facebook for all to ridicule… :lol: Just some random chic — not even anyone that was a contact. I mean, who manually dials a number when “sexting?” :lol:

M'

August 13th, 2009
4:39 pm

You peeps be easy, check you manana…peace.

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:39 pm

And on a happier note..FOOTBALL TONIGHT!!!–WHY YES!!!YES THE SIX TIME SUPERBOWL CHAMPION STEELERS ARE PLAYING TONIGHT!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHH BABY!!!

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
4:41 pm

**They do not go around randomly sending videos to see if they will get lucky.**

wanna make a bet?

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:43 pm

@Leggs unless one of us saw the video..all we know is her story.

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
4:44 pm

Thanks Folks. Will let you all know how it turned out. <— See, folks always post something like this, and hardly ever come back with a sequel. LOL…but their was one, but that was it!

Oh Infamous One – I can always depend on you and a select few to be RAW with honesty. Thank you.

However, with my memory and just to let my cuzzo know I ain’ buh-shyttin’…I’d tell her exactly what I witnessed in the video, from all sorts of positions, angles….Ooooo babies, give it to me’s, color of the sheets, hardwood floors, candles in the window sill, hair styles, whether she was being choked, her head game being weak (per him giving her lessons like a drill sgt)…all ‘at! LOL I have an extremely good memory. She’d know, her sis ain’t playin! While walking away and letting her smoke on that for awhile.

Raqi – Slow down over there! Lol

My2C – It wasn’t nuthin sis, justa yodellin’ while admiring the echo.

Ms. Main – Sup chica? Been busy as all getout and trying to stay off of folk’s minds.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 13th, 2009
4:44 pm

I still say she can probably retrieve the deleted video.

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
4:46 pm

it made for good convo . . . and look its almost quittin’ time.

simmer. dayum!

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

August 13th, 2009
4:46 pm

PG — Yeah, I’m not arguing with you — I think we’re basically coming from about the same place. I’m more venting against this blind faith that many seem to have that “the market” will make everything work out as is should and that everything should be left up to its infinite wisdom. That’s simply not the case.

mytw♥cents dba d♥s centav♥s

August 13th, 2009
4:47 pm

KYM It’s a slight possible that it was a mishap, but have you never gotten an UNsolicited sexual type photo/video text? I tend to think they throw out the net and see what they can catch.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
4:47 pm

Yeah, we only have her side, but unless she’s demented she’s taken up the entire afternoon talking about a video that no longer exists. I’m kidding! I think she can get the video back.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
4:50 pm

@Hard, you certainly helped the afternoon roll on by!

Kym

August 13th, 2009
4:50 pm

My two I have gotten videos but they came for a source I knew and were pictures and video of something I was already familiar with or trying to get to know. But that’s a whole other Oprah.

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
4:51 pm

Of course she can…(regarding the retrieval of said video). Just gotta do a little more legwork. I know that regardless of what I delete, my carrier allows me to go online to retrieve texts from at least 6-12 months ago. Better get her lil self on the phone with customer and/or technical support and ask questions. Cuz if there’s a will….and ya’ll already know the rest.

Leggs

August 13th, 2009
4:52 pm

Goodnight everyone!

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

Peace!

Poppa Grande

August 13th, 2009
4:55 pm

Suisse

Yeah we are. I agree but there is only so much that we can do.

It is one of the reasons that I am not a big shopper of Wal-Mart. The kill many countless business each year. They will undercut the little guy until they bow out. That effects the people that the little guy buys from. And so on.

Plus they’ve done some shady things in their own right.

The market will not correct itself in that light. The big get bigger and the small die.

Beautiful♥

August 13th, 2009
4:57 pm

good luck Hard! i have a feelin’ that this isn’t over for you.

Jamoca - I AM Exactly who I say I AM

August 13th, 2009
4:58 pm

Alright ya’ll…

Keep ya’ faith in Gawd, but still lock ya’ doors…and if ya’ gone be and monkey???…be a gueriilla! ~ Hannah’s Baby

G’nite.

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
5:01 pm

Oh yeah, to Kym’s happier note…I’m heading to the preseasoned game….yeahhhh….got the serious hookup…

Ms. Main

August 13th, 2009
5:04 pm

Not seasoned as in Lawry…but season…oops

Soul 4 Real

August 15th, 2009
12:57 am

[...] on the left and on the right are being screwed out of an opportunity for REAL change.   It Might Get LoudFor Real – You have a point and I would agree. Yes my past was checkered. One action, taken [...]