Getting In The Way
There are so many single people that are oblivious to what it takes to keep people interested in them. So many of us focus on the absolute wrong thing, that we end up getting in our own way of making a connection. Here’s the thing: just because you have a great resume and look great on paper, doesn’t mean the right person will chase you down or fall into your lap.
If you really think about your last dating misadventures, you could probably pinpoint where you went wrong. It’s not always “I picked the wrong person” either. It’s possible that it is you. You are part of the problem and you may not know it.
One thing that I have noticed that I do is act very aloof with men that I am interested in. I have had this problem for quite a while and even when I actively try to change it, it seems to be a defense mechanism that kicks in like a knee-jerk reaction. What do you think is getting in the way for you?
I have noticed that in Atlanta, a man can think that his great car, fly clothes, and a little swagger (that word is not going away, is it?) is enough to make women fawn all over him. Oh, some fawn over him, alright! This is also the same guy that will complain about women who are too materialistic and shallow.
While the single women in Atlanta can boast of their hot looks and gym tight figures, they are happy to turn the heads of gentleman. They showcase their looks and accomplishments but will complain that men don’t take them seriously. They get upset when they can’t keep a man interested beyond a couple of weeks. They haven’t quite figured out how to capture a man’s imagination and his mind. This is most likely because they lack the ability to bring peace to his mind and heart. Men need that, I think. Just as much as they need a woman that looks great and can put together a great meal.
So, let’s be honest, what is getting in the way of our dating relationships? What are you going to work on that has impeded you in the past?
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625 comments Add your comment
Willing to learn
August 6th, 2009
8:54 am
“They haven’t quite figured out how to capture a man’s imagination and his mind. ”
What an insightful posting that has me actually responding and not lurking! Guilty as charged. I can hook a man, but he soon loses interest. (Hard to admit.) I’ll be reading today from the ladies and gents as to how to capture (and continue to capture) a man’s imagination and his mind.
Professor
August 6th, 2009
8:58 am
Good Morning All:
So, let’s be honest, what is getting in the way of our dating relationships?
I think what is getting in the way is that we do not know ourselves. Seriously most people do not know who they are nor are they in tuned with their own capabilities and power. Most of the folks walking around are unreflective thinkers (google it if you don’t know what it means because it might be you). Therefore when you have all of that going on it is grounds for disaster.
To sum it all up, “our” ME included thinking or lack or thinking is what is getting in the way…nothing more or nothing less.
What are you going to work on that has impeded you in the past?
If I work on my thinking everything else will fall into place.
Professor
August 6th, 2009
9:00 am
Welcome to the blog Willing to Learn…
If you don’t mind I have a question for you. Do you feel like the men you are meeting are worth capturing? Do they capture your imagination and mind?
Kym-embracing my inner Grace today.
August 6th, 2009
9:07 am
Good morning All,
If I had to name one thing it is that I have a inner defense system. Like one of those spy movies where the lights go out, the steel encloses the windows and red track lights flash warning..warning..I shut down. If I feel threaten..I shut down. If I think a guy is getting to close I shut down. I analyze maybe overanalyze but if I suspect there is going to be something off kilter-Defense system up..commence shut down. Now do I plan to work on this…NO. I said the other day..I like my cracks. I like my defense system it has saved me some heartache a time or two..so I embrace it, if someone comes along that I feel a need to make adjustments to the system then I might.
Deeva4Life
August 6th, 2009
9:14 am
Good Morning Wise!
I mentioned my problem earlier this week…I overthink things. The term “going with the flow” is very difficult for me. Why? Because most men I’ve encountered aren’t consistent. Something that flows is moving…it’s consistently moving so how do you go with the flow when things aren’t moving? People (men I’ve encountered) say one thing and do another, which leaves me with a lot of questions and usually they’re questions about me…so much so that I usually just lose interest in dating the person all together. There are just some things I need and although I’m a compromising person I do have certain expectations. The problem has become meeting people who meet those expectations. Now before I get stoned for stating I have expectations, keep in mind these are basic principles…do what you say you’re going to do, learn to communicate through talking and quit all this darn texting (UGH!), be considerate of my time, and don’t have your rep doing things you know you can’t keep up (consistency). I don’t think those are difficult priciples for an adult (man or woman) to keep up. Just my opinion.
In the meantime, I’m going to continue spending time with me. I’m really trying to get to a place that whatever state I’m in, I’m content. Everyday I’m accepting that although a healthy long-term relationship is what I desire it may not be in the cards for me (right now), but I still have a life to live and I need to do that with joy and peace.
Deeva4Life
August 6th, 2009
9:22 am
Now do I plan to work on this…NO. I said the other day..I like my cracks. I like my defense system it has saved me some heartache a time or two..so I embrace it, if someone comes along that I feel a need to make adjustments to the system then I might.
Kym, one thing I really admire about your posts is that you’re always honest…with yourself and with others. That’s a trait that’s rare these days but one that is to be commended.
The Real Rell
August 6th, 2009
9:23 am
whats getting in my way – ME
My homeboy told me that yesterday…so did the skrippers…they were like there is no reason a man like you should be backed up…either you saying or doing the wrong things or picking the wrong women….lol…good post diva this should be a good one
lurker
August 6th, 2009
9:24 am
I have noticed that in Atlanta, a man can think that his great car, fly clothes, and a little swagger (that word is not going away, is it?) is enough to make women fawn all over him. Oh, some fawn over him, alright! This is also the same guy that will complain about women who are too materialistic and shallow.
While I can admit both men and women can be blamed for the “not so good” in relationships the aforemention (in bold) should be plaqued.
Pretty Wings
August 6th, 2009
9:26 am
So, let’s be honest, what is getting in the way of our dating relationships?
Good Morning Good People!
What has gotten in the way for me is me……. I am simply not ready to be in a relationship were I have to give up to much. My divorce was difficult, (it felt more like a death because I knew he loved me) so the grieving process and recovery is not what I want to subject anyone to. Therefore, short-term dating is the option that works for now……..no expectations.
I actually prefer friendships over the pretense that dating sometimes creates. I don’t go into the deep with folks often because at the surface most things are simple until feelings become involved. Although I can take or leave most people I ain’t gonna lie, there was one that really made wanna get my ish together and quick! LOL
Today, I am working on me at every level and it feels good.
But at my own pace………
Have a great day !! Check in later
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
9:28 am
Here’s the thing: just because you have a great resume and look great on paper, doesn’t mean the right person will chase you down or fall into your lap.
IT DOESN’T?????
lurker
August 6th, 2009
9:28 am
Oh, and to today’s post….I’ve learned to quiet down. It never hurts to give a little. Almost like knowing which battles to fight and which aren’t work the effort. My part in keeping peace I would sum….have really grown in this are but still ever evolving.
lurker
August 6th, 2009
9:29 am
“worth” is what I meant
abc
August 6th, 2009
9:30 am
oblivious to what it takes to keep people interested in them
You are part of the problem and you may not know it
great car, fly clothes, and a little swagger is enough to make women fawn all over him
Now, all of these are very strong indicators of poor self image. Do you think that someone has to somehow fabricate that which would keep someone interested in them? Do you think that your car, your clothing preferences and styles, and an arrogant front are aspects that others will find appealing? To subscribe to this mindset is to adopt a lifestyle based on presenting yourself as something you are not. This is common among chicks. Men will center their identity on their car and other materialism to compensate for their own lack of good self image, too.
Insinuating that if you’re not that way, that “you’re part of the problem and you may not know it” is to simply bash those that don’t feel the need to portray themselves as something they’re not.
Here’s a novel idea: stop being so shallow and become a genuinely more interesting person.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 6th, 2009
9:30 am
They haven’t quite figured out how to capture a man’s imagination and his mind. This is most likely because they lack the ability to bring peace to his mind and heart. Men need that,
Aww Man!! Thats its right there.. I cant even make a comment I just got to let that marinate in the wind for a minute..
Kym-embracing my inner Grace today.
August 6th, 2009
9:32 am
@Deeva Aww thank you kindly. Heck, lie to keep your lights on, lie to get out of a ticket. But lying to yourself about yourself..you only fooling yourself.
In the words of George W. Bush.. “Fool me once shame on you..Fool me twice..you can’t fool me again.”
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
9:32 am
If you really think about your last dating misadventures, you could probably pinpoint where you went wrong. It’s not always “I picked the wrong person” either. It’s possible that it is you.
I, personally, do think about my dating misadventures. I know when it’s me and I know when it isn’t.
Quite honesty, I don’t give up sex fast enough for many men. I was just having the convo with one last night, who reminded me, yet again, that there are plenty of fabulous women, who will give it up within days or weeks of meeting a guy.
That’s really great for those men and women. I’d rather you go for the quick lay. Really, I’ll be over here on the single’s perch not trippin.
Oh, and there was the guy that gave me the silent treatment over a silly argument we both contributed too. And he’s made I didn’t kiss his azz over it. Now he’s asking our mutual friend about me and how I am. I relayed back that he can stay gone. I’m keeping it simple in 2009 and I’m not playing those games. Sorry!
Leggs
August 6th, 2009
9:35 am
Good morning everyone!
The main thing that’s getting in my way is getting out there to meet like minded people. I need to go out more often than I do, which I’m thankfully changing and have met a few interesting people. Other than that, I’m perfect.
Just Kidding!! I have to learn how to take people at face value and not always think that there’s an ulterior motive, at least until one is proven. There are some other things I need to work on that I may discuss later.
Professor
August 6th, 2009
9:35 am
I am curious why is it that a man cannot bring peace to his own mind and heart. Men need that? Shoot I do that for myself 24/7. I see myself as a help mate not a creator for men…I need the man in my life to be complete and let me be that supplementary component that enhance him and make him better. Not to sound negative, but there are some broken men out here flexing.
ImAPeach404
August 6th, 2009
9:41 am
@Deeva – I felt like I was reading my own post! I totally agree and relate to everything you’ve stated.
What is getting in the way of my dating relationships? Hell if I know. I wish I could hold a panal of all the guys I’ve only went out with once and never heard from again. I’d be open to hearing their constructive criticism.
Sometimes, I think I know too much. When I was 23 and didn’t care and didn’t know – dating was so much easier.
Demi
August 6th, 2009
9:42 am
They haven’t quite figured out how to capture a man’s imagination and his mind. This is most likely because they lack the ability to bring peace to his mind and heart. Men need that,
My mind, heart, and soul…are often a raging storm.
Some how, Wisdom…quite those storms
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 6th, 2009
9:43 am
Its interesting this topic came up today.. Im having a great day but Im throwed this morning. Ya’ll know I been keeping folks at arms length since my divorce but Ive had this particular friend for a while who’s been being really patient with me. Just kinda letting me do my thing but she always said I’m a good dude but I was scarred. She knows I love music and she stopped by last night and dropped of a CD with one song on it. TRUST by Keisha Cole Ft Monica She said pay particular attention to Monica’s verse.. Ok so I listen to song, had heard it a million times before and it was like whoa.. So I fall asleep with this song on my mind.. Then wake up this morning they play it again on V1033. Dang! She throwed me fer sure cause I been running hard from anyone and everyone, purposely sabotaging relationships, pushing people away, but she didnt leave. Hey Im not saying shes the one but maybe I need to slow down a little and smell the roses a bit enjoy the scenery. Maybe I’ll take off my running shoes and put on some walking shoes..
M. (pronounced M dot)
August 6th, 2009
9:44 am
@ So, let’s be honest, what is getting in the way of our dating relationships? What are you going to work on that has impeded you in the past?
#1. I know what has gotten in the way for me was the initial stages. When I meet someone, I want to interact with them in person. Some people like to talk on the phone for weeks before they go out. I cant stand talking on the phone because I want to see you and your mannerisims, quirks, etc in PERSON. So I am working to talk on the phone more.
#2. I know what has also gotten in the way for me is the visual aspect. I am sure we are ALL GUILTY of this. I am learning to SCREEN better. If I can see past the visuals and really drill to the core, you will realize that there is not a lot of SUBSTANCE with people at times charge them and keep it moving.
#3. This is going to start some controversy, but I learned from my last relationship that you cannot ignore any disrespectful behavior. THIS GOES FOR MEN AND WOMEN. You may think it’s a minor detail, cute, or that it’s no big deal but you give them an inch and they want a football field. He’s texting on the phone while on a date with you, she trying to bash you in front of others, nip that in the bud asap…
I am a building in progress, how about you?
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
9:45 am
Deeva – There is nothing wrong with wanting and expecting consistancy from the guys you date. I feel you on that.
The problem is that many guys want to give you half azz treatment and pass it off as A game. Stay strong and know what you deserve. A lot of folks are out there settling for less than they deserve.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 6th, 2009
9:46 am
Prof – A man will get peace. The peace you want in the peace he finds with you not without you.. He will get peace no matter what. Thats all we look for in a mate can I come home to a peaceful environment because if not we can go get our own spot and get that peace we always need.
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
9:48 am
#3. This is going to start some controversy, but I learned from my last relationship that you cannot ignore any disrespectful behavior
M – Why would that be controversal? Sounds like common sense to me.
Mrs. Spoe Kinphoar
August 6th, 2009
9:49 am
It’s funny which makes you say out loud “Damn Diva that’s a good one”. LOL Things that make you “hmmmm”.
Diva, what is it about you that makes you feel that you are not good enough for those guys???
I agree that most of my dating issue were self inflicted. Everything has become so freakin’ textbook. The problem could very well be that the MLB and WLB attract like to identical magnet poles. Rather than bring the M’s and the W’s together it repels them further apart. Most WLB commentary that you read these days encourage W’s to be and think more like a man. But you know what my husband says about that, he doesn’t need me to his potnah. He needs me to be his partner. No this doesn’t mean that we should not have things in common and common interest, it just means that he’s the man and I’m the woman, we are different and that’s how it should remain. Men are attracted to women and women to men.
Now this…”the ability to bring peace to his mind and heart”…I absolutely love, love, love. I had a very intimate conversation with my oldest brother once. And it was about my husband Mason and all things related. He told me that a man goes to war every morning he leaves his house. It’s him against the free world fighting to get his. But his home and his relationship are his comfort and haven. Men don’t want to fight just as hard or harder in the place he goes to find solace as he does when on grind. I get that. I was happy to be given that little bundle of knowledge.
Now on my side, the W’s side, men need to be more understanding of a woman’s way. We are not men. We don’t think like men. We have emotions that you all need to learn to accept and deal with them. Lose the “imma man why should have to deal with vagina logic”. Well if you want to continue to have deal with the vagina you have to accept the logic that comes with it.
Professor
August 6th, 2009
9:51 am
@Ared I am in agreement on your 9:45.
M. (pronounced M dot)
August 6th, 2009
9:51 am
@ARed
Question for you, you said “The problem is that many guys want to give you half azz treatment and pass it off as A game.”
How does this work? Is it all a balancing act, like if he pursued you, then some women was say he was to thirsty, sweating you, or to eager, but if he didn’t then he would be labeled as not trying hard enough? Im begining to feel like we just cant get right…lol
Mike Jones (who)
August 6th, 2009
9:52 am
whats getting in my way–Me
I think you have to look at yourself first before pointing the finger at someone else. Since you are the common denominator in all of your relationships, what are you doing wrong. (note I haven’t always thought like this, before I would point the finger). But as time goes by you learn…Now I say the hardest part is finding someone that is on the same page as me and learning to be patient.
M. (pronounced M dot)
August 6th, 2009
9:53 am
@ARed, I said it may be controversal just as a disclaimer, you know how people get…its like a warning label…
Demi
August 6th, 2009
9:54 am
Hey 404
(I am curious why is it that a man cannot bring peace to his own mind and heart.)
Profess…men want to feel needed and women want to be needed.
most real men have a warriors spirit at heart (like our God) and most real women have gentle spirit at heart (like our God)
Bring the two together…you’ll have a beautiful thing.
two people of the same spirits…often do not last
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
9:55 am
How does this work? Is it all a balancing act, like if he pursued you, then some women was say he was to thirsty, sweating you, or to eager, but if he didn’t then he would be labeled as not trying hard enough? Im begining to feel like we just cant get right…lol
M – Go back and read Deeva’s post. You are not talking about what she is talking about.
It’s not about trying to hard or not enough. It’s about consistency in your actions. Many men are not consistant. I think it’s because many of them are managing a roster of women, instead of focusing on one. Nothing wrong with dating folks, but when you are juggling several balls in the air, you’ve gotta focus your attention on them all, or they will fall.
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
9:56 am
@ARed, I said it may be controversal just as a disclaimer, you know how people get…its like a warning label…
M – But what was controversal about it though?
If I said the sky is blue, I don’t think I’d need a disclaimer on that. I just want to see why you think someone would have a problem or issue with “don’t ignore disrespectful behavior.”
The rest of your post didn’t get a disclaimer.
Leggs
August 6th, 2009
10:01 am
@Infamous, your post was a great read. At least you recognize what you’ve been doing all this time and why you’ve been doing it. It just might be time for you to take off the running shoes and put on your walking shoes and take a nice, long walk with your friend. Good luck!
@Deeva ~ this deserves repeating
In the meantime, I’m going to continue spending time with me. I’m really trying to get to a place that whatever state I’m in, I’m content. Everyday I’m accepting that although a healthy long-term relationship is what I desire it may not be in the cards for me (right now), but I still have a life to live and I need to do that with joy and peace. Well said.
M. (pronounced M dot)
August 6th, 2009
10:02 am
@ARed
I saw her posts. So this is a QUESTION: So you can decipher between a guy who is managing a roster rather than 1 woman based on his actions i.e. consistency? I kinda disagree with that. Yeah it may be a lot of work, but what if he gives each woman a good mix of everything? I know EVERY woman has different levels of expectations, but what about that concept when you are trying to choose between 2 people? Obviously they are doing something right if both people still in the running and if they told everyone the deal up front?!
Mrs. Spoe Kinphoar
August 6th, 2009
10:02 am
While rules are meant to assure the order of dispensation and to create a balanced setting and fair playing field for all involved in the game. But we have just incorporated too many damn rules in dating. And they are all one sided.
Deeva4Life
August 6th, 2009
10:02 am
Sometimes, I think I know too much. When I was 23 and didn’t care and didn’t know – dating was so much easier.
ImAPeach404, I feel the same way!!!
The problem is that many guys want to give you half azz treatment and pass it off as A game.
ARed, truer words have not been spoken…LOL
But you know what my husband says about that, he doesn’t need me to his potnah. He needs me to be his partner. No this doesn’t mean that we should not have things in common and common interest, it just means that he’s the man and I’m the woman, we are different and that’s how it should remain.
Mrs. Spoe Kinphoar b.k.a Raqi (I think) I totally agree with that statement. ^5
Mrs. Spoe Kinphoar
August 6th, 2009
10:04 am
We are our own enemy. For something that is fueled by nature itself we have made it so hard to do. The attractions are unavoidable. But we have made it so difficult.
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
10:05 am
So you can decipher between a guy who is managing a roster rather than 1 woman based on his actions i.e. consistency? I kinda disagree with that
M – I didn’t say I could decipher. I said it was just a theory.
But it is impossible to give TWO people the same attention as ONE. Doesn’t matter the reason, and like I said there is nothing wrong with dating more than one person.
Fulfilling Me
August 6th, 2009
10:07 am
Good Morning All!
This is an interesting topic as I have had to take a step back and evaluate me. I get in the way of myself by being understanding. My willinginess to be understanding has allowed men to think that they could say whatever and I would be okay. I had to shut that down real quick. I am a giver by nature and part of that plays into me be understanding, but I understand that it is a two-way street.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 6th, 2009
10:08 am
Morning good people!
M dot – I understand how you may feel the need to add a disclaimer cause folks can take seemingly innocent stuff on here and twist it around. But I actually identified with your disclaimed statement the most out of your post. That was the story of my dating life at one point – letting stuff slip until it built up into a big pile of resentment in me. Letting stuff go on longer than it should and hoping there would be a change. Listening to other people tell me that I was impatient and was not giving “good men” a chance! Ever since I realized this about myself and cut it out, life has been so much easier and my relationships have been more successful.
Fulfilling Me
August 6th, 2009
10:08 am
Professor..I agree with your 9:39
ImAPeach404
August 6th, 2009
10:09 am
…I been running hard from anyone and everyone, purposely sabotaging relationships, pushing people away,
DK, I think I went out with you recently
Quite honesty, I don’t give up sex fast enough for many men.
AR me either. I like to lie to myself and say thats not the reason I’m getting pushed off, but I secretly know better. And you know what, I’m ok with it
Hey Demi!
Professor
August 6th, 2009
10:09 am
@Demi/DK thanks I can respect that…and it makes sense
Mrs. Spoe Kinphoar
August 6th, 2009
10:09 am
Deeva4, we are made to fit like a puzzle. It should remain.
Willing to learn
August 6th, 2009
10:09 am
Professor, thank you for the welcome. Actually, I guess it flows both ways. I haven’t met too many captivating men. The type of guy who captures your mind by speaking -not spewing rhetorical game and surface conversation, but the ones who can talk politics, culture, current events, academia and then take it to sports, music etc. There have been only a small number of captivating people. All others are saying enough to talk you into the bedroom. I’m not knocking their approach, but that sort of thing typically fizzles out after 90 or so days and then the cycle starts over. A lot of the time, I can see the sell-by date the moment I meet a man.
Demi
August 6th, 2009
10:10 am
A.red…are you wearing pumps today?
Cemeeli
August 6th, 2009
10:10 am
Hello all…
Deeva4Life – Hey maam! …”Content”, is such a good word.
I caught HECK this moring in traffic!!! Some high school Seniors driving a caravan to school and it took me 30 minutes to get out of that rally….
Cemeeli
August 6th, 2009
10:11 am
lol @ Mrs. Spoken For…I love it!!!!
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
10:11 am
A.red…are you wearing pumps today?
Demi….why are you asking…?
Mrs. Spoe Kinphoar
August 6th, 2009
10:11 am
And I really think a lot of people are afraid that the thing just might happen but we fear the heartache the could be.
Elijah( Get that spirit and happiness will follow)
August 6th, 2009
10:11 am
Good Morning Everyone!
I have read some good post regarding this subject this morning.
@ABC…Talking about Self esteem is one of your strengths to converse about stick to it the words show good wisdom!
@Professor I am with you in regards to the peace statement, I am not looking for any woman to bring me peace. We should all have peace in our life before we entered in any relationship.
What I do know is I am not afraid to fail, I cannot hold back or worry about if someone is trying to get over on me in the dating game!
Mike Jones (who)
August 6th, 2009
10:12 am
Kimmie–
letting stuff slip until it built up into a big pile of resentment in me. Letting stuff go on longer than it should and hoping there would be a change
I agree
Mrs. Spoe Kinphoar
August 6th, 2009
10:13 am
LOL Cemeeli that was my tag last night while out with a friend that is single. This one guy she knew asked my name and she said “Her name is Mrs. Spoken For”.
SexyCool - Grinding.
August 6th, 2009
10:14 am
Three Words Daily – Don’t resist change.
Fulfilling Me
August 6th, 2009
10:15 am
Elijah-
The last part of your post is on point. I am not afraid to fail because life is about trial and error; learning from ones experiences and build upon them.
lurker
August 6th, 2009
10:18 am
I am not looking for any woman to bring me peace. We should all have peace in our life before we entered in any relationship.
There’s a huge difference though in disturbing the peace (or keeping…I should say) and (expecting someone to) bring. I’m at peace with myself, all the time but the ability to keep peace flowing between two different individuals where we may not agree on all things…as we are separate individuals…..takes effort.
Deeva4Life
August 6th, 2009
10:19 am
And I really think a lot of people are afraid that the thing just might happen but we fear the heartache the could be.
Mrs. Spoe Kinphoar, so true!!
Hey Cemeeli!!
The Real Rell
August 6th, 2009
10:19 am
I don’t give up sex fast enough for many men
why?
i just want to know is it the emotional connection is not there…or is it his perception of you afterwards…could you answer this for me please
SexyCool - Grinding.
August 6th, 2009
10:19 am
What has impeded me in the past? Impatience. Picking wrong Yeah, I know you said don’t use that one. – so, I will elaborate and say choosing the wrong individuals based on the wrong criteria. Not enough knowledge of self.
So, yeah. Those are the things that I am working on – Not wanting everything NOW, looking past appearances into character, continued self introspection and improvement.
Cemeeli
August 6th, 2009
10:20 am
@ Mrs. Spoe Kinphoar – Good friend, that is. You did not havta beat ‘em off. She took care of that for ya. lol
I’m hungry…late to work…no breakfast…and i’m cold…
Professor
August 6th, 2009
10:21 am
@Fulfill I can relate to your that 10:07 I am a pretty cool person if I do say so myself but I have found guys and gals to take that as a weakness. Danger comes in judging a book by its cover because I will put a lid on things real quick. I do not have a problem with problem solving aka checking someone and setting him or her in his or her place…point blank period.
For the most part I am baffled when someone cannot accept kindness. What is that about? I guess a reflection on childhood and upbringing, because I expect people to be kind, considerate and compassionate towards me…ok I am off my soapbox, can one of you fellas grab my arm and help me down these stilettos are too high today?
Demi
August 6th, 2009
10:21 am
AmazonRed…I when love to give you a non-church like hug for your posts…I am in agreement with you for the most part.
East Point's Own
August 6th, 2009
10:23 am
AmazonRed Quite honesty, I don’t give up sex fast enough for many men. I was just having the convo with one last night, who reminded me, yet again, that there are plenty of fabulous women, who will give it up within days or weeks of meeting a guy.
In my case its not that I want a woman to give it up in the first week or two. I have dated women for months who I was very much interested in sexually when we met, and for several weeks afterwards… but at some point during month 1, 2, or 3 the desire to have sex just faded away. I mean I may still like them in all other ways but I just lose the drive to have sex with a particular woman after a certain period of time if it has not happened. Its been to the point where when the woman tried to make it happen I was not even feeling it anymore and did not let it happen.
But on the other hand I dated a woman for almost 2 years who I had sex with on the second date. So I can say with all honesty that if a woman gives it up in the first week I do not think of her in a negative way. But that’s just me…
Melo
August 6th, 2009
10:23 am
They showcase their looks and accomplishments but will complain that men don’t take them seriously. They get upset when they can’t keep a man interested beyond a couple of weeks
Frank had this discussion on radio yeaterday.
If u really want a man and a relatiosnhip,good looks and a phine body wont hurt u.Neither shld ur accomplishements.The qstion to be asked is,”what else is it about u other than the material suff that can go and come” Whats coming outa ur mouth and how do u carry urself,in public and in pvt.
Now, some of u maybe prisoners of ur upbringing, i understand that.If u are in that “comfort” (discomfort) zone,seek out other successful pple at relatiosnhips, and hear what they gotta say.U need a mentor too even when it comes to relationships and marriage.Gravitate towards other ladies or men that u admire and wld want to emulate and find out what their “secret” is.
Proclaiming that u independent,u got ish and ish is not gonna get u a man for long term.It will get u a man to sleep with,whose whole purpose for pursuing u was to brag to his hommies that he conquered you,Ms phine and Independent.Then what?
In he same breath,stay away from the men who lead with their money cars etc.Those are all good things to have but they dont make a good man.A good man is what he is about,his goals,his heart,his close family and the interaction with his community.Ur initial attraction to him may have been his trappings,thats understandable,we all viasual.But explore beyond that,be4 u sleep with him,to find out exactly how he conducts himself.
If u are a good and worthy woman and he is a good worthy man,u will find each other!
In addition and lastly,if u sek love,get prepared to be hurt.Luv does not come free! If u nurising hang ups from the failed relaiosnhips u have had in the past and u doog men eve time,”heh u men are this ,u men are that” u are not going to find luv.The new man who steps up to u is not the one who dogged and phlukked u last time,for no return to u.So spare him that tongue lashing and byiattch ass behaviour.Close the last chapters in ur failed relatiosnhips and open new, clean slates.
If u still nursing a failed relatiosnhip hangover,sit ur azz down!
M. (pronounced M dot)
August 6th, 2009
10:23 am
@kimmie-livin my life like it’s golden!
THANK YOU That’s all I meant. Now if I just posted it up with total disregard it would have been an issue.
@AmazonRed™
I see your point of view also…
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 6th, 2009
10:23 am
M. – Ok yeah you cant ignore 1 disrespectful act because they will only do it again..
C tha 1
August 6th, 2009
10:25 am
For some reason this topic is bringing me to the LA Fitness shootings in PA recently. Dude definitely was in his own way. But I was talking with my wife last night that their are plenty of men who desire to interact with a woman but simply lack the social graces to do so. Sad, of course. The shooter fell off the wagon some time ago and couldn’t get back on.
Fulfilling Me
August 6th, 2009
10:25 am
Professor-
Exactly. I don’t have an issue putting someone in their place, but it comes out really harsh because I am chill spirit. Content my nature, but folks will test you. I think you hit the nail on the head with accepting kindness. I have been told that I have everything a man (that particular one) wanted without even asking, but it seemed to real.
Really? SMH whateva. Luckily I remain optimistic
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
10:26 am
M – I just asked “why” you would think it be controversial to someone. But since you have no answer, I’ll leave it alone.
SexyCool - Grinding.
August 6th, 2009
10:26 am
Melo – Standing ovation for that 1023a!
Professor
August 6th, 2009
10:28 am
@Willing 2 Learn thanks for answering my question and I must confess when I see that same old Rent-A-Center game flowing I first check myself and continue to be cool, but I will ask a few questions that will send the dude running. So, it may not be that you do not have the ability to capture his mind and stuff; he may not be worth capturing…
@Elijah ***What I do know is I am not afraid to fail, I cannot hold back or worry about if someone is trying to get over on me in the dating game!***
…I am with you on this statement; in fact I have a quote on my refrigerator that reads, “What would you attempt if you knew you would not fail.” The fear of failing often holds people back, but not this lion, tiger and bear.
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
10:28 am
So I can say with all honesty that if a woman gives it up in the first week I do not think of her in a negative way. But that’s just me…
EPO – I’ve heard this from men. I’ve also heard men admit that they would judge her, even if it’s not fair.
But most importantly, having sex with someone I just met is not something that is appealing to me, whether I get judged for it or not.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 6th, 2009
10:29 am
ImAPEACH – You prolly did for real..
M. (pronounced M dot)
August 6th, 2009
10:29 am
@AmazonRed™
I thought it would be controversial to someone because you would be surprised at what people dont know or care to embrace. I just did not want to offend anyone. You have to remember AmazonRed™ that everyone wont always be on the same level in any area and sometimes everyone needs a little help even if it is common sense to you.
abc
August 6th, 2009
10:31 am
Failure can be good. It should indicate that you’ve learned something not to do.
In the absence of knowing what to do, being able to rule out the things you know not to do is the next best alternative.
Demi
August 6th, 2009
10:31 am
(can one of you fellas grab my arm and help me down these stilettos are too high today?)
Hellz NO!!!
Demi is now looking for dolla bills…
Sassy/Mo/Cee…hush!!
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
10:31 am
M – Still not answering the question. Really it’s okay, dude.
I know how things can get twisted on here. I didn’t argue with that.
It’s cool, really.
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 6th, 2009
10:32 am
Elijah – Im gonna need you to stop getting on here just to agree with these chicks.. Come on Cuz show them some insight into a mans world. They meet yes dudes all day everyday.
lurker
August 6th, 2009
10:32 am
Melo’s 10:23….OUTSTANDING!
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
10:33 am
AmazonRed…I when love to give you a non-church like hug for your posts…I am in agreement with you for the most part.
Demi – I have on loafers today.
East Point's Own
August 6th, 2009
10:34 am
AmazonRed As in most things in life half the people will always disagree with what you do, so its best to do what makes you comfortable… and just deal with those who can get with your program.
Tazzee - today's my Friday !!!
August 6th, 2009
10:35 am
Morning Folks!
I think what’s gotten in the way of my past relationships is impatience and not recognizing and embracing the gender differences. These go hand in hand in a way.
I’m not say all women are like this, but I’m very expressive about my feelings – sometimes too expressive because, being the Gemini that I am, how I feel right now may be different from how I feel 2 hours from now. It’s difficult for me to hide my emotions. While I may not say anything my face will give it away. So if I’m feeling a little down those around me will know. If I’m excited, folks will know and so on. Not only will they know – if asked (by someone close) I’ll tell them why.
That is not so with men – so if I detect something’s wrong, I wanna know. In the past, if a guy said nothing but continued to act differently I would either press or assume he’s about to pull a disappearing act and pull back myself (which leads to my impatience). Neither reaction is good for a relationship.
So over time I’ve learned to appreciate that menfolk aren’t going to tell me what’s going on until they get a chance to work it out within themselves. I’m still working on that patience part – just this morning my guy seemed a little out of sorts when we left the gym. I asked him if he was alright. He said yes. Then I asked if he was alright, alright or was it a ‘he needs to process and tell me later’ alright. He said he was fine…but I know something’s going on in that mind of his. I suspect I’ll hear about it on the ride to the beach tomorrow – but I won’t ask again (and it’s driving me crazy!!!)
W8©
August 6th, 2009
10:38 am
Hmmm, Whats getting in my way? I would say my communication skills and my tolerance levels. I tend to withdraw when someone is over talkative or seems to always have the answer or is pointing fingers. I have no problem with accountability at all. On the way to bettering myself I refuse to drop my standards for a potential mate. Whether it be her ability to bring more peace than drama in my life, her spiritual walk, her ability to cook, her looks..etc etc. I will not compromise those things,I have gotten sidetracked into prototypes that weren’t exact working models but during that process I have found out more things that I need to work on with me. My mindset when a relationship doesnt work out is always “W8, what could you have done differently?” and I go from there. Lastnight I was talking to a great female friend and she asked me about folks feelings. I said “not my problem, thats how I stay drama free” That’s something else I need to work on…if I detect one ounce of drama, I have a great “on and off switch” and will just keep on stepping, with no explanation. I have gotten to a point in my life that if I like someone and if she does anything that starts to tear at my heart I will just leave, because I know that it’s only a matter of time before I start dissecting her and realizing why I shouldn’t be with her….man I don’t even know what I am typing now..my mind is all over the place…and like I said communication is my biggest hinderance when it comes to relationship…i digress
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 6th, 2009
10:38 am
Melo – Outstanding. That says it all right there, and you put it so much better than Frank “I Think I’m The Shyt” Ski ever could!
Cemeeli
August 6th, 2009
10:39 am
Alvin Please tell Demi Cee said…good one don’t come around often. Just get her those stilettos you’d like her to have…
Tazzee Happy Early Friday! All i ask is for picture text.
Professor
August 6th, 2009
10:40 am
@Fulfilling I know all about stuff coming out harsh, even without cussing mine comes out harsh regardless and it is a shocker to most. I will say this a lot of times I will ask a few questions which will put the guy on notice and I do not have to go there, but when I go there be it a guy or gal I will give them the business signed and sealed.
Hey Melo! I am with you on that post. You brought it this morning…
Dang Demi! I just knew you would give me a hand!
Oh well I have strutted down anyway 
THE INFAMOUS DK
August 6th, 2009
10:40 am
M. – Thats condescending ARED.. you’ll get used to it..
Now what I’m waiting for is her to say something is wrong with her besides she doesnt give it up and all these dudes just cant get it together.
ARED – Dig deep babe and open up to the blog.. Aint nobody gonna judge you..
Tazzee - today's my Friday !!!
August 6th, 2009
10:41 am
Close the last chapters in ur failed relatiosnhips and open new, clean slates.
If u still nursing a failed relatiosnhip hangover,sit ur azz down!
Good stuff Melo!
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
10:42 am
so its best to do what makes you comfortable… and just deal with those who can get with your program.
EPO – Precisely. Which is why I feel no pressure to give into things I don’t agree with just to have a man. Maybe if I hated being single or had a biological clock ticking I’d feel differently.
There are lasting marriages in my family. I can’t just settle for any old thing.
Tazzee - today's my Friday !!!
August 6th, 2009
10:43 am
Cemeeli can’t send picture texts on the iPhone. I’ll send you an email though. See, this is why you need to get on FB – real time pics….but I won’t pressure you
Cemeeli
August 6th, 2009
10:46 am
.A good man is what he is about,his goals,his heart,his close family and the interaction with his community.
If u are a good and worthy woman and he is a good worthy man,u will find each other! Close the last chapters in ur failed relatiosnhips and open new, clean slates.
How freakin” good is that?!!! I love it when you’re like this.
Melo Pre-vacation is mugg, hunh?
…my boy…
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
10:48 am
DK – You must be my groupie today.
I have open up to the blog. When something is relevant, I cop to it. I have nothing to hide in my dating experiences. Come here more often. However, I don’t have whoa is me stories of gross mistreatment. I’ve known my worth for a long time.
M. (pronounced M dot)
August 6th, 2009
10:50 am
@THE INFAMOUS DK lol
@ Ared Can you say the number 1 area where you think men fail and I tell you the area where I think women fail?
Cemeeli
August 6th, 2009
10:51 am
@ Tazzee – I will one day…:) My family is sending pic. via FB and i’m like “LOOK, i don’t have a FB profile.” Then they send them via email or pic text. Lol…i’m stone age.
Kym-embracing my inner Grace today.
August 6th, 2009
10:53 am
**sigh**
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
10:53 am
M – Go for it.
AmazonRed™
August 6th, 2009
10:56 am
Tazzee, if you created the album, you can sent pics to people to view even if they don’t have a FB account. There will be a public link at the bottom of the album.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 6th, 2009
10:56 am
Lol…i’m stone age.
Cee – You’re not the only one, Sis!
Poppa Grande
August 6th, 2009
10:58 am
Good topic….I’ll answer with a testimony…
The number one thing that I did to become marriage minded was ask myself was I ready for a successful relationship. For quite sometime, I was prepared for the females that weren’t for me such as gold diggers (I called them,” leeches”). I purposely would deal with people with a long handled spoon.
Also, I good at finding ways to disqualify people. Sometimes, it was as simple as her nose is too wide. She talks too much. She has manhands. I tried to justify it by saying that I supposed to be picky. I got really good at finding ways to pull to back. It became as easy as wiping my azz after a dump.
I had always been upfront with females and didn’t have to lie to get someone to rabbit dance with me. So, that wasn’t a problem. I met plenty of good females, and that wasn’t a problem.
However, I was the problem. I ended up asking myself was I really ready for successful relationship. We all like to believe that we are. However, many are not and do not really realize it.
Successful relationships mean change. Letting someone into your space comes with successful relationship. Letting someone see what the general public doesn’t get to see comes with a successful relationship. Mutual give and take comes with a successful relationship. It means that life as I had become used to having was going to change.
In reality more people have a fear success than they do failure. Many folks see relationships going well, and then for some reason they start to sabotage it or find something wrong with the other person.
Fear of Success is usually an unconscious thing. It is like the first two lines of the poem entitled “Our deepest fear”:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
This poem is especially important for me as man to be the head of the family that I am destined to be.
With us being the real first generation of kids from the divorce boom of the 80s and 90s, many males and female of our generation know more about failing relationships than we do about successful relationships. That leads to whole different Jerry Springer show.