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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Getting In The Way

There are so many single people that are oblivious to what it takes to keep people interested in them. So many of us focus on the absolute wrong thing, that we end up getting in our own way of making a connection. Here’s the thing: just because you have a great resume and look great on paper, doesn’t mean the right person will chase you down or fall into your lap.

If you really think about your last dating misadventures, you could probably pinpoint where you went wrong. It’s not always “I picked the wrong person” either. It’s possible that it is you. You are part of the problem and you may not know it.

One thing that I have noticed that I do is act very aloof with men that I am interested in. I have had this problem for quite a while and even when I actively try to change it, it seems to be a defense mechanism that kicks in like a knee-jerk reaction. What do you think is getting in the way for you?

I have noticed that in Atlanta, a man can think that his great car, fly clothes, and a little swagger (that word is not going away, is it?) is enough to make women fawn all over him. Oh, some fawn over him, alright! This is also the same guy that will complain about women who are too materialistic and shallow.

While the single women in Atlanta can boast of their hot looks and gym tight figures, they are happy to turn the heads of gentleman. They showcase their looks and accomplishments but will complain that men don’t take them seriously. They get upset when they can’t keep a man interested beyond a couple of weeks. They haven’t quite figured out how to capture a man’s imagination and his mind. This is most likely because they lack the ability to bring peace to his mind and heart. Men need that, I think. Just as much as they need a woman that looks great and can put together a great meal.

So, let’s be honest, what is getting in the way of our dating relationships? What are you going to work on that has impeded you in the past?

625 comments Add your comment

mytw♥tatas

August 6th, 2009
1:55 pm

TRIZZLE Not happy with self but only wanna deal with self… Do you see yourself going from one extreme to the other? From not seeing enough value in yourself to then over-estimating your value?

SHARRE Do you honestly think it’s cuz you changed your pond or because you changed your mindset as well?

AmazonRed™

August 6th, 2009
1:56 pm

I don’t know one in particular. However, I’ve heard that the female attorneys there are ruthless.

Who better to go against a female than a female?

:lol:

My mother always wanted me to be a lawyer.

I told her, if she’ll pay for law school I will (I paid for undergrad, I’m not paying for anymore school).

Tazzee - today's my Friday !!!

August 6th, 2009
1:56 pm

I understand Roddy wanting a new contract, but he’s only been good for one year. I don’t think he’s proven that he deserves a big contract and I think he paid that rookie to roll over Harry’s knee (j/k on that last part)

Demi

August 6th, 2009
1:57 pm

Melo…You are making me nervous…I need to becareful of those texts I spent each morning

Melo

August 6th, 2009
1:58 pm

Swiss,so does the NFL have a blanket type contratc that all football clubs have to abide by?
If so,thats gross,in my view.
Why arent individual clubs and players free to negotiate whatever they wanna agre on based on the value they see??

So if a player has a five yr contract paying him $$$,he gets hurt,no mo money coming in,is that it??? No continuation of contract?

Kym-embracing my inner Grace today.

August 6th, 2009
1:58 pm

Okay what did I miss? @W8 I am all for father rights..but all that adversity with the mom..for your son’s sake you need to drop that shyt off somewhere. Kids are not stupid, they sense it, and they know when their parents are not getting along. My son’t father was not the best(RIP) but he was his daddy. I had to show my tail a time or two or three, heck I showed it this summer to his father’s family. But I always bring it back to the middle for the sake of the boy. He needs all of his family(no matter how special they are) speaking of which I need to get in touch with my son’s sister’s mom..I want to see if she wants to go see Mitch Musso at the state fair.

W8©

August 6th, 2009
1:58 pm

@Tazzee it seems as if Roddy is forgetting all the dropped balls…lol

SlimOne

August 6th, 2009
1:59 pm

lurker & Cee yall know me, I deal with it all with a hope in my heart and a laugh on my tongue. If it ain’t light, it ain’t right. I know it ain’t funny when you don’t have no money. But it ain’t trickin if you got it…lol. ..oops that didnt fit into what i was trying to say.

abc

August 6th, 2009
2:00 pm

Trizzle, go to church. Just plain go to church, and get involved. If you’re already going to church, then go to a different church. Now, I’m not kidding! Just do it!

SlimOne

August 6th, 2009
2:01 pm

your test becomes your TESTimony! Cee’s been good to me on trying to keep my faith up. Can’t take that away from her. And just for that, I’ll even share my Ramen noodles with you. ;-)

AmazonRed™

August 6th, 2009
2:02 pm

Oh yeah mine told me you can just walk away because Im capable of being mommie and daddy until I find him a new Dad..

DK – Wow.

Kimora Lee said something like that on her reality show. Like “my girls have a good dad, but I’m a better dad.” :???:

That was the last time I watched that heffa. And now she already has a baby by the Amistad dude.

Good thing Russell does yoga! :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 6th, 2009
2:04 pm

Slim one – You test becomes your testimony.. You better say that..

Foul play..used to be Jazzyone

August 6th, 2009
2:05 pm

Hey Tazzee!! Have fun at the Beach sistah! I agree there are some great men out there. In a great relationship or not with a man I could think the world of I still keep the side eye on deck. Doesn’t mean I treat him like he isn’t my man and the king of my world its just people are who they are and do what they do. The key is not getting in your own way having a healthy sense of self and having a threshold of what one will and will not tolerate. It doesn’t mean being a walk all over rug or subject for the abuses of others or being treated less than, but having a certain standard for yourself and how you will allow another to treat you.

As for the fly guy attraction, well for me it has never been the material, what either of us have obtained being it the fruits of our labor or the inheritance of possesions material or otherwise its only that. Doesn’t make the man or the woman who they are its just stuff and baggage when it really comes down to it.

A man flashing his car and materials well that a cover in my eyes hes lacking someplace and not ready for this sistah. What you have or I have will be revealed upon us spending time together. All that shyt you try to floss is just a whole lotta doe you spending on depreciating items honey..Doesn’t mean I don’t like the finer things in life having them or my man either, just means substance outweights all that other stuff.

Yes Ive been the chick in my time to give a brotha hell only to lose him because im in my way but in my maturity ive learned, don’t break a mans spirit or try to or have your own broken, move on if its not right, if you want to love love is not without vulnerablity, open up and be you give 100% if it doesn’t work I fel better knowing I gave my all and the pain won’t last an eternity.

W8©

August 6th, 2009
2:05 pm

Foul play..used to be Jazzyone

August 6th, 2009
2:05 pm

Long azz post i just got on my own nerves. *sigh*..LMAOFF

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 6th, 2009
2:09 pm

Hey ya’ll leave Trizzle alone.. She’s in a delicate place right now..

Trizzle – No one can tell you what to do but counseling is not a bad thing. Hey even the Big Bad DK had to have some counseling cause I wasnt processing my feelings that well about my divorce. Hey this is a period in your life where you feel like youre stuck down in it but you can pull yourself out. You can.. Hey I heard this on Tiny and Toya the other day of all places.. (Yeah I secretly like Toya but I digress).

Today I take the first step towards what I want and the last step from what I dont.

Cemeeli

August 6th, 2009
2:10 pm

@ Slim – Glad you are yet holdin’ on to faith.

WE all are a walking testimony…and i’mma leave it at that.

When he talk to his father…he continually ask are ya’ll still driving______, Ya’ll move to a NEW spot, where________???, You still at the private school_____? Ask me had I gotten married, you know you high maintenence? I don’t say NAYTHAN! Just look at that EVIDENCE of how God has did it for me.

I want you to do the same.

off box.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 6th, 2009
2:11 pm

Ok I’m gonna give up a big secret.. My favorite place is having a wharehouse sale.. Bill Hallman.. Nomatique:Atlanta.. up to 80% off.. This is where I get those shoes folks stop me about..

AmazonRed™

August 6th, 2009
2:12 pm

SlimOne, good to read you. Glad you are still striving.

AmazonRed™

August 6th, 2009
2:14 pm

I still want to be married. I still don’t want to have children.

It’s very hard for me to understand loving your spouse and then dispising them.

Raqi

August 6th, 2009
2:15 pm

“Some I’ve talk to for about a week other a couple of months. Of course, I’m not with anyone from that group because they lacked some important things that I was looking for like: trust, communication skill, dependability, some even lacked money along with a lot of basic things.”

WiseDiva I want to come up with something to talk about that above statement made by Sharre. I mean really, a week to two months is not enough time to judge whether someone is dependable or trustworthy. And maybe not even enough time to gauge skills of communication and true financial situations. To display trust and dependability you have to be confronted with something. IMO it’s unfair to place the burden to prove such major characteristics in such a short time.

Now if she is just talking about not calling or arriving when they said they would then yeah, that I can see. But where geniune trust, dependability and communication is concerned for me where it is most important, we need to be well into doing the thing before I could make an accurate assessment.

Poppa Grande

August 6th, 2009
2:18 pm

AR

Good thing Russell does yoga!

Yeah, but he still cusses enough to make a sailor blush.

Melo

August 6th, 2009
2:19 pm

I need to becareful of those texts I spent each morning

DEMI,as long as u dont do a full 360 summersault on me and be a deacon,i be str8 with u. :lol:

the texts are a good anchor! keep it cming.

SlimOne

August 6th, 2009
2:20 pm

Cee oh yeah….Jas Juicy Jaws crawled for the first time Tuesday!!! I sure wish I could’ve been there to see it. For a minute there, we were wondering if she’d just go straight to walking. Moments like these make me think about popping out one of my own…then I slap myself and go on about my day. LOL

The Real Rell

August 6th, 2009
2:20 pm

It’s very hard for me to understand loving your spouse and then dispising them

- wait until you say i do…lol

Elijah( Get ready for that blessing!)

August 6th, 2009
2:22 pm

@DK I totally understand! I have many partna’s who are currently battling on a weekly basis with the ex’s. These are men who are spending time and pay the child support but the ex is bitter to the core.

We have 3 to 4 hours conversation about their ex’s and that is some mentally draining shyt!

@ABC are you a pastor or a deacon at a church? You seems to mention church often in your posts!

@Tazzee…. Mr. White has put together 2 good seasons, that brutha needs to get paid today! The Falcons managment jump the gun and gave M. Ryan all that upfront money.

You can pay a rookie big money upfront like he is going to turn the team around but a proven veteran has to hold out to get his money something aint right!

Hello Ms. Sassy! How you doin?

Mo (aka Moeisha-This Day, This Minute, Right Now)

August 6th, 2009
2:22 pm

W8/Page1908 – okay my ADD kicked in right after we got into the ‘freak’em’ bathroom so I dont remember what we were supposed to be decorating! LOL! I do remember some things about the basement though….. :smile:

Mo (aka Moeisha-This Day, This Minute, Right Now)

August 6th, 2009
2:23 pm

And off topic…. why after 5 years does it STILL hurt to get your eyebrows threaded….DAYUM!!

Ok back to the topic at hand

Leggs

August 6th, 2009
2:26 pm

@W8, ok, you’re taking her back to court. Good for you. More men should do this.

I’m with you Infamous. I too could have been mad at my ex, but I opted to take the high road and remain cordial and civil because we have a child together. No need for her to know that he gets on my last nerve.

I have no idea what the topic is.

Elijah( Get ready for your blessing!)

August 6th, 2009
2:26 pm

@PG who is running this league? Are the agents running sports?

Truth be told M. Ryan lost that play-off game, 2 picks, one returned for a touchdown! On anther note Tony G. is going to be a great pick-up if all the players are on the field together!

@DK… Where is that spot? I need to buy some new shooooeeeesss!

Tazzee - today's my Friday !!!

August 6th, 2009
2:26 pm

Hey Jazzyone!!! How are you? Loved that post, especially the last part about being vulnerable.

Poppa Grande

August 6th, 2009
2:27 pm

Roddy deserves more pay. Most definitely he deserves more. He has had 2 great season. Two years ago he was the only bright spot in the Bobby Petrino regime. He had to adjust to Harrington, Redmon, Byron Leftwich, and did so.

I don’t agree with his asking price though. He wants Larry Ftizgerald money..4 yrs/40 million, and his agent isn’t being really flexible. Which is really stupid because he is the Falcons property until 2011. This is the last year of rookie deal but next year he is restricted free agent which means that the Falcons can match any offer and would get draft picks if he signed elsewhere.

Tazzee - today's my Friday !!!

August 6th, 2009
2:30 pm

Elijah – you are smoking crack. Roddy has not had two good seasons and while Ryan made some mistakes – Keith Brooking was the one that let the Cardinals get that 3rd and 16. Dangit – I had put that 3rd and 16 out of mind and you dug it back up. That was freaking ridiculous – letting a team get the first down on 3rd and 16!!!

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...do it right or not at all :-)

August 6th, 2009
2:31 pm

Moments like these make me think about popping out one of my own…then I slap myself and go on about my day. LOL

I do that whenever I see the cute baby clothes in the mall…..especially the girls’ section…..it’s all so cute.

Hello Ms. Sassy! How you doin?

Now Eli you know whenever you post your FIRST post you ALWAYS shout me out….it’s time for me to go and you’re just now gettin’ at me?……hey baby….how YOUdoin’? ;)

I forgive you :) :mrgreen:

Page1908

August 6th, 2009
2:32 pm

LOL @ ‘freak ‘em bathroom Mo.

Cemeeli

August 6th, 2009
2:32 pm

Moments like these make me think about popping out one of my own

Lol I and some other of the blog ladies will throw you a fiya shower!

Jas Juicy Jaws crawled for the first time Tuesday!

awww… Jazzy is sweet…moving fast too. lol @ Jas Juicy Jaws.

Slim – I told you she preparing you. But being Auntie first, is usually best. lol…

SexyCool - Jazzy's words called me...

August 6th, 2009
2:32 pm

Jazzy – needed that last part of your post. I was in a place. You relaxed me. My gratitude…

Leggs

August 6th, 2009
2:33 pm

@Elijah ~ “We have 3 to 4 hours conversation about their ex’s and that is some mentally draining shyt!” I refused to do this. There are women out there don’t badmouth. I never saw any point to it. The child loves the other parent so why taint their vision with your distorted picture?

Cemeeli

August 6th, 2009
2:33 pm

Mo Indian women did it? YES MAAM! The lady ask me was i cry, I said YES!

W8©

August 6th, 2009
2:33 pm

Poppa Grande

August 6th, 2009
2:36 pm

Eli

who is running this league? Are the agents running sports?

Oh heck yeah!!!!!

Seriously, though, player really just want to play. Owners would get over on them if there were no agents. However, some agents get on my nerves though. cough Drew Rosenhaus)cough

Mo (aka Moeisha-This Day, This Minute, Right Now)

August 6th, 2009
2:38 pm

Cemeeli – I’ve been going to the same spot/same chick for 5 yrs and I SWEAR it still hurts!! I thought I would have developed an immunity by now! LOL! I dont tear up now but dayum….

Page1908 – you gave everything the freak’em label so why not the bathroom too! LOL

Tazzee - today's my Friday !!!

August 6th, 2009
2:40 pm

I guess the anger I was expressing regarding the playoff game is what got my post eaten so let me try this again without the fake curse words..

Elijah – you are mistaken. Ryan did not lose that game. Yes it was one of his worst, but Keith Brooking is the one that gave up the 3rd and 16. I was not sad to see him leave considering that is the play that will be forever etched in my mind when I think of him.

Let’s see if this one goes through…

Page1908

August 6th, 2009
2:40 pm

LOL Mo- you know I did. It will be called the ‘freak ‘em house”. lol

Demi

August 6th, 2009
2:41 pm

Melo…Not my style…I just want to encourage and be encourage.

Oooooh, Jazzy…My favorite tall glass of…SHOOT..Now my girl is calling to say hi and ask if I am behaving

Cemeeli

August 6th, 2009
2:46 pm

lol ….’Cause i feel your pain Mo!

I now go to the Asian women. She has a better & softer touch when she service.

Kimmie I’ve seen Keri Hilson (the hip hop singer decatur chic) in the shop on an occasion or two.

W8©

August 6th, 2009
2:47 pm

@Mo/Page-My house is not a darn Freak’em House…

@Tazzee- I agree with Keith Brooking…I aim not mad he is gone…besides he is a Techie

W8©

August 6th, 2009
2:49 pm

Brooking = one of the weak links for the last two years in my book

Mo (aka Moeisha-This Day, This Minute, Right Now)

August 6th, 2009
2:50 pm

W8 – Page nicknamed ya house! LOL! :smile:

Cemeeli – the chick I go to is cool but that threading just hurts, plain and simple. But its so clean and neat.

Jamoca

August 6th, 2009
2:51 pm

Wise – This is a good one…

So, what have I allowed to get in my own dayum way?…as I’m so tired of repeating this —> Fear disguised as pride. The tendencies of being a hot-head, stubborn (can’t tell me nuthin’ type of attitude once I’m in “the zone”). Went from keeping too much to myself (too private/not opening up) to laying it all on the table. Some appreciated that approach, while some rejected it. While I’m more open than ever to welcoming constructive criticism, since I believe that for an individual to point out certain flaws (in an effort to uplift another), has to be because they give a dayum, even if it hurts for them to do so. However, when it comes down to belittling…while talking “at” me, instead of “to” me?…that’s where it all must come to a holt.

Some of us have come a long way, but it doesn’t mean that some of us do not have quite a road to travel. So might as well make the journey worthwhile… like it’s your last.

Melo/PG – Loved your posts earlier…and you too,Abc – I especially liked your 11:13 (I believe it was somewhere around that time)…but moreso that last portion about having that “all about me mentality” being detrimental to those who claim they truly want a “partnership”.

Ctha1 – I may have missed it, but from reading some of the “tidbits” (keywords in some of your posts) I meant to tell you CONGRATS! – to you and the Mrs!

MyTwo – Sis, I’m gone need you to stop makin’ so much sense…right along with ZuluKing! ;)

…and Cee – Chick, Please don’t tell me you’re compaigning for the title of “Motor Mouf”…some things I are better left unspoken, especially when advised.

But ummmm, onto NOT running behind “the other half” for contributions on “someone” he knowingly help create. Yeah, that would be me. My thought process is…you know “she’s here”…know full well she exist. I’m not in the business of running after folks to take responsibility for their doings. That includes not taking a grown up to court, just for someone else to make you take care of “something” you claimed you wanted. But honestly, for me its more like, I’m just don’t have the patience nor desire to deal/tolerate the foolishness…for sometime now, but don’t pity yourself or anyone into thinking you’re being kept from “yours”. Heyal, I don’t need reminding and neither should you.
You’re an adult. So be one. Period.