accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Getting In The Way

There are so many single people that are oblivious to what it takes to keep people interested in them. So many of us focus on the absolute wrong thing, that we end up getting in our own way of making a connection. Here’s the thing: just because you have a great resume and look great on paper, doesn’t mean the right person will chase you down or fall into your lap.

If you really think about your last dating misadventures, you could probably pinpoint where you went wrong. It’s not always “I picked the wrong person” either. It’s possible that it is you. You are part of the problem and you may not know it.

One thing that I have noticed that I do is act very aloof with men that I am interested in. I have had this problem for quite a while and even when I actively try to change it, it seems to be a defense mechanism that kicks in like a knee-jerk reaction. What do you think is getting in the way for you?

I have noticed that in Atlanta, a man can think that his great car, fly clothes, and a little swagger (that word is not going away, is it?) is enough to make women fawn all over him. Oh, some fawn over him, alright! This is also the same guy that will complain about women who are too materialistic and shallow.

While the single women in Atlanta can boast of their hot looks and gym tight figures, they are happy to turn the heads of gentleman. They showcase their looks and accomplishments but will complain that men don’t take them seriously. They get upset when they can’t keep a man interested beyond a couple of weeks. They haven’t quite figured out how to capture a man’s imagination and his mind. This is most likely because they lack the ability to bring peace to his mind and heart. Men need that, I think. Just as much as they need a woman that looks great and can put together a great meal.

So, let’s be honest, what is getting in the way of our dating relationships? What are you going to work on that has impeded you in the past?

625 comments Add your comment

W8©

August 6th, 2009
11:35 am

I’ve seen the best players. gold diggers(Male/female) etc…meet the right person and the transformation is like day and night…once they found what they are looking for it’s like a whole new life for them. Some have long term relationships, some have gotten married some have started families, faithful and just plain old happy. My homeboys and homegirls say I should right a book about my dating experiences..I tell them I will once I have a final chapter..lol..because deep down over the past month or to I don’t know if I want to be married again…it’s a big question mark for me now…and that let’s me know that I am not ready yet….now I am fine with where my love life is right now in it’s slow process…but I don’t know what I want the end result to be…marriage or just a long-term never ending relationship…lmao..hey just being honest (flame suit on)

Cemeeli

August 6th, 2009
11:35 am

Tazzee – How cute!…Let the man in your bathroom he aint looking in you medicine cabinet. He just need to take a p.

:)

IslandGirl aka IG

August 6th, 2009
11:36 am

That was a very insightful post from “PG”. I also agree with you “abc”. I truly believe relationship is when there is a reciprocation, if not what is it really. What my biggest issue is the idea that some men have adapted the idea of expecting sex (particularly) because they have dined with, or spent time with you.

I was very naïve in my thinking that most people want a good relationship with a good person. Most people think they do, but their actions don’t line up. I am a very giving person. I love people and I like to see people around me happy. As I got into dating relationships over time I gave too much of myself. That was my poor judgment and no one else. I failed may times and learned to hard way.
Where I stand today is that I don’t pour out myself like that anymore. If a man is not willing to get to know me which will take some time, especially with my clothes on…then he needs to keep it moving.

Leggs

August 6th, 2009
11:36 am

@SexyCool ~ “think another place where we all go wrong in dating/relationships is our tendency to forget that we too are a prize, a gift, a wonderful thing to behold.” EXACTLY, and I refuse to forget this!

Fulfilling Me

August 6th, 2009
11:37 am

@ Professor
I think that is it. I stopped probing awhile ago because I was accused of being overanalytical about things, but realized that I have to put that back into the mix because it eliminated idiots. It sad to me because I like who I am, what I have to offer, and the potential of person I can be. I will not compromise who I am nor will allow you to trample over me. That goes back to my understanding quality, its not a weakness its a gem (to me). Respect it.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 6th, 2009
11:39 am

I think the main problem with men is consistancy. They want you to be loyal when they aren’t. They say things and do not do them. It’s very frustrating how you have to prove how “down” you are for a man who is fickle in return.

Amred – I agree. I’m not jumping thru hoops if you can’t follow thru on simple things. Be a man of your word.

Professor

August 6th, 2009
11:39 am

Tazzee I thought I was the only person with that bathroom rule. I don’t think I can break it…

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...do it right or not at all :-)

August 6th, 2009
11:40 am

now I am fine with where my love life is right now in it’s slow process…

Well W8 at least you have a love life to speak of….whenever I get back in I’ll be starting from ground zero….which is fine for me….for right now. No need to rush ’cause if it’s not right today then it might not be tomorrow.

Cemeeli

August 6th, 2009
11:41 am

Melo – Where you’re going, i’m hating on your pre-vacay too! :) The boss not trippin.

I have a lil bit more time before i’m outta here.

W8©

August 6th, 2009
11:42 am

M’- I lost your number and email..I am ready for those curtains and the wall done in the basement in the new home. I had to get a few second opinions. Mo, Staceye and Page came over and I took then to the basement showed them the vision and they agreed..and those women have great “style” so lets get it done. Well I took Page’s advice with a grain of salt…but please hit me up.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...do it right or not at all :-)

August 6th, 2009
11:43 am

What my biggest issue is the idea that some men have adapted the idea of expecting sex (particularly) because they have dined with, or spent time with you.

Why is that?….not all men do it but there for sure a good many that do….as a matter of fact someone said this just yesterday.

mytw♥tatas

August 6th, 2009
11:43 am

Wisey ~ It’s everything I’ve ever tried to say about going beneath the surface rolled up in one post. So many men and women get lost in the facade. I’m talking about the person pursuing and the one being pursued. And if someone seems to put so much stock in their material or their physical alone, why wouldn’t the rest of the world believe that’s the main thing they’ve got going for em? But we’re so afraid of exposure… exposing our fear of only being valued for our @zz or title or possessions that some of us don’t speak it. Damn that. Your ‘voice’ is something that no one else can take away unless you allow it.

Not paying attention holds me back. Like I’m supposed to be focused on self improvement and being healthier thru 9/09, so I’m fairly oblivious. Actually I’ve always been this way since I expect gentlemanly behavior, cordial treatment, light banter. I’ve been accused after the fact of shunning advances when really I hadn’t noticed. Missed a coupla good ones too.

Professor

August 6th, 2009
11:44 am

@Fulfilling I will say this do not stop using your analytical skills. Thinking is the most important thing you can do, and above else embrace yourself strengths and weakness and you will be okay. I know you already know that so just keep doing it, and stay positive.

Cemeeli

August 6th, 2009
11:44 am

Professor – You and Tazzee are funny with the bathroom rule. Bend a little (for the right dude)….let him see those thigh highs hanging on the back of your shower door. :wink:

Watch the smile on the face when he comes out.

W8©

August 6th, 2009
11:44 am

@Sassy-Love is a powerful word maybe I should not have used it..I meant it as in I am comfortable where I am with me..not that I am “in love”…ya feel me?

M. (pronounced M dot)

August 6th, 2009
11:45 am

@AmazonRed™

I agree with you and I know I have done that. For me it’s usually based on something that I see or something that happens that affects my consistency..I am human

Fulfilling Me

August 6th, 2009
11:48 am

@Professor

Thank you. Mine has been a journey of learning, discovering, and loving me. As continue to grow, as stated early, my blessings will come.

M. (pronounced M dot)

August 6th, 2009
11:48 am

@AmazonRed™

I totally agree with you there. I have been guilty of that and I notice my consistency is always affected by something that is said or done…Im human

dw

August 6th, 2009
11:48 am

Ladies, if you want to keep a man’s attention, the solution is simple. If it feels a little too kinky or over the top…DO IT!

Professor

August 6th, 2009
11:51 am

@Cee I am not messing with you either! I just cannot bend that rule…I dated a guy for three years and he never used my bathroom. Is it safe to say I will know I have the right one when I let him use my “necessary.?” When I went to visit Mt. Vernon that is what they called the bathroom the necessary…that tickled me.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...do it right or not at all :-)

August 6th, 2009
11:52 am

ya feel me?

I sure do ;) As I’ve said one has to start with one’s self and go from there…we all have to be comfortable with ourselves before we can or even want to be in a relationship. Sometimes I hear women say they don’t feel complete without a man but I think you shoulda been that way(complete) before you got with the man. If you’re not 100% then whatever you’re putting out there is full of hyprocrisy at best ’cause it’s not the real YOU.

Kym-embracing my inner Grace today.

August 6th, 2009
11:54 am

@W8 You are right love is a powerful word. But I always think we give more power to the words “IN Love” than we do just “Love” someone says I am in love with you..I really can’t take it serious..in love means there is potential to fall out of love. But if someone says I love then I have to evaluate the seriousness of that statement because Love..that means staying power..and that requires serious thinking before throwing it out there. <<<<This is all my own personal opinion of course.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...do it right or not at all :-)

August 6th, 2009
11:54 am

Ladies, if you want to keep a man’s attention, the solution is simple. If it feels a little too kinky or over the top…DO IT!

That,too, gets old eventually….where is the substance? :???:

Then again maybe you were joking……

mytw♥tatas

August 6th, 2009
11:54 am

MELO You know I miss your Zulu musings when I’m away…you really have LOTS of sense. But please continue your concerted efforts of Tom Foolery. It keeps me from not pushin Queen down the steps tryna get her spot! ;)

PG Everytime I let go of the whole Mormon style marriage… That poem is so powerful and I used to recite it over and over. I diagnosed myself with a Fear of Success several years ago and left a safe job. People still ask me why. Just never been into complacency. And the lack of a safety net is heck of an impetus. Plus, I ain’t into whining, so I’m good with my choice.

The Real Rell

August 6th, 2009
11:54 am

AmazonRed™

August 6th, 2009
11:56 am

I don’t know if I want to be married again…it’s a big question mark for me now…and that let’s me know that I am not ready yet…

W8 – It also just lets you know that you haven’t met the right one either.

Like you said, there is a “transformation” when the right person comes into your life.

Cemeeli

August 6th, 2009
12:00 pm

Professor Im’a leave ya’ll alone…

“The Necessary”?…oookay.

I’m just saying, you aint gotta mess with ole CEE…sniffs…sniffs..lol. But on the real, what’s in there that he ain’t seen before already? I’m talking about someone you are “relatonship” status.

See Tazzee, she figured “what da hay” right after she thought about it.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...do it right or not at all :-)

August 6th, 2009
12:00 pm

dayum

What’s up Rell?….deep aint it.

Page1908

August 6th, 2009
12:00 pm

*Mean muggin at W8* lol. Hmmmmm ok, re: your 11:42…so let me get this straight, you didn’t like my idea about turning the basement into a “Freak Em Man Cave”? LOL. You said you would do whatever me, Mo, and Staceye agreed to, right? So, ok that means, the red (of course) freak ‘em circular bed in the beasement with the red velvet comforters, strobe light, wet bar, and 100 inch flat screen tv! And what about the master bath with that freak’em shower and bath tub?! I think you gave Staceye and Mo free reign on the decoration of that, rememberrrrrrrr? DUH! Just make sure you leave the green curtain for me…lol.

W8©

August 6th, 2009
12:02 pm

@dw- sex is an after effect of a good relationship so it wont maintain it..although a fix has happened a time or two…nobody is perfect

@Kym- To me it takes a long time to build love. I love my daughters mother but I am not in love with her…that’s hard for me to explain but after nine years of marriage and we have been divorced for seven i still have a love for her…but yet I am not “in love” with her..we only talk about my daughter but I will always have a special place in my heart for her…but we both have no desire to be with one another in anyway…she gave me the most important thing in my life…and she does a good job being a mother…plus she was with me at my lowest of lows and my highest of highs…but the realtionship was not meant to be…my sons mother…that witch can die and I wouldnt care except for my son not having his mother around…so I don’t love her at all…the mistake was that I thought i was “in love” with her at one point.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 6th, 2009
12:04 pm

W8 – Love but not in love, I totally get that.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...do it right or not at all :-)

August 6th, 2009
12:04 pm

Dang Page you didn’t just go off did you,girl :)

Page1908

August 6th, 2009
12:06 pm

LOL Sassy! Girl!

W8©

August 6th, 2009
12:07 pm

@Ared- You are correct

@Page- You know I saved that green curtain after they painted…and I am real funny about people being in my bedroom even more so my bathroom(that’s just a personal area)…as a kid I never went in my parents bedroom…and after the infant stage my kids didnt come into mine..Yall got carried away with decorating ideas and I said that yall could decorate the play room up stairs..and nothing else

mytw♥tatas

August 6th, 2009
12:07 pm

I enjoy your contributions, M DOT.

LEGGS How low can ya go? (Run with it…lol) I know you don’t like them older cat daddies. You mentioned needing to get out n’ about too, so pondering a good venue to recommend for your target demographic.

CEMEEEEEEEELI Did you mention cold earlier? Why does it take 1 long sleeve blouse, 1 pashmina & 1 lightweight jacket buttoned alll the way up to get thru a workday. The others don’t feel nuthin! Short sleeve, polo shirt, khaki pants wearing behinds.

Page1908

August 6th, 2009
12:08 pm

LOL play room! Ummmmmm no. Basement and Master Bath was the deal! You know Staceye will decorate your bedroom in skulls and crossbones. lmao

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...do it right or not at all :-)

August 6th, 2009
12:08 pm

the mistake was that I thought i was “in love” with her at one point.

At least you “realized then recognized” that it wasn’t meant to be….some people stay b/c of children or the fear of not wanting to “start over” with someone new. It’ll be painful either way so why not leave when the writing is clearly on the wall?

sex is an after effect of a good relationship so it wont maintain it..although a fix has happened a time or two…nobody is perfect

:oops:

Professor

August 6th, 2009
12:09 pm

@Cee there is nothing in there I just will not share my bathroom. I do have a ______ under the sink but that is no big deal…it might scare him or turn him that just depends on if he is snooping.

I need something good for lunch I was going to eat a salad, but I don’t know…

AmazonRed™

August 6th, 2009
12:10 pm

*off topic* Exes coming out the woodwork. Where is my bug spray…???

W8©

August 6th, 2009
12:10 pm

@Sassy- they just tried to take over, once they walked in..grrrrrrrr

Page1908

August 6th, 2009
12:11 pm

W8- Plus, the driveway was kinda steep like going into the garage. How are you gonna manuever the BMW on the hill? Well, then again, it’s an automatic so you should be good. I remember when I had a stick, I hated parking on hills. I can barely parallel park as it is now lol.

Grace

August 6th, 2009
12:11 pm

Kym I have to agree with you when it comes to love. I’ve been told that and I question the seriousness behind it especially if there are no actions behind it or his actions doesn’t validate his love. Am I just supposed to hang on his word? heck no! and no he didnt tell me in the heat of the moment either…I don’t fall for that one…it’s always out of the blue.

Beautiful

August 6th, 2009
12:11 pm

AmazonRed™

August 6th, 2009
12:13 pm

my sons mother…that witch can die and I wouldnt care except for my son not having his mother around…so I don’t love her at all

:shock: Dayum.

Leggs

August 6th, 2009
12:15 pm

@mytwo, I can go very low (and don’t need no help getting back up). :lol: :wink: Yeah, don’t want any “cat daddies.”

Off topic: How the hell do you pay someone to murder your husband of only six months and not suspect you’re talking to an undercover cop. People are just stupid, greedy and selfish.

@Fulfilling, keep honing those analytical skills.

Honey

August 6th, 2009
12:16 pm

@FOR REAL, I like reading you. Wish I could meet men that wasnt into labels & commitment, they all want to tie me down sort of speak. Your lady is a lucky woman.

Grace

August 6th, 2009
12:16 pm

Ared I got my fly swatter ready for the exes…it tickles me when they send me email tags to befriend them, yeah right!

AmazonRed™

August 6th, 2009
12:17 pm

Honey…you sure you got the right For Real? :lol:

SexyCool - Back to the shallow end...

August 6th, 2009
12:19 pm

I think I’ve had enough relationship talk for the day. Y’all send me good vibes. I’m out.

Dueces…

W8©

August 6th, 2009
12:19 pm

@Page- who stole the Honda symbol off the back of your car?

@Ared- yeah I got played…played well by her..you live and you learn and she has tried to use my son as a pawn..by not letting me see him on the regular…so my mom gets him and brings him to me when she acts like that..I do my part child support, medical etc…I still will drop by the daycare and spend time with him…but honeslty if she were walking down the street in front of me and someone came and shot her in the head I would step right over her and not lose a step or shed a tear….