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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Similarity breeds connection

You know that old saying, birds of a feather flock together, right? It’s that old adage that you should judge a person’s character people by their close friends and who they associate themselves with. Well what happens when the birds flocking together sort of resemble a pack of vultures? Scientists call this the similarity breeds connection principle.

My buddy Ron said that he recently met the friends of the woman he has been dating. The young lady’s friends were extremely high-strung, high-maintenance gold-diggers (he used other descriptors, but I will stop there). These friends are very close to his woman and he figures there will be a lot of time spent with them.

Of course he is worried if his woman has a side that he hasn’t seen yet. A side that closely looks like what these women are. Is it fair to judge a woman by her close friends? Should he be worried about the woman he is so into now is actually just a representative?

Have you ever dated someone and clashed with their group of friends? What was it that made them not get along?

Do you pay close attention to the associates, friends, and business partners of the people you are dating? What, if anything, does it say about the person?

Are you similar to the people you are closely connected to?

697 comments Add your comment

SexyCool - Summer '09

August 5th, 2009
8:34 am

Three Words Daily – Believing brings manifestations.

The Real Rell - i come on to strong?!?!?!

August 5th, 2009
8:44 am

mayne your buddy need not worry…i have meet plenty of women who friends were total opposites…so tell him to focus on what he has to do with that women and dont worry about her dayum friends…

Pretty Wings

August 5th, 2009
8:47 am

Good Morning WD & All!
This is actually a great topic, because the folks in our lives really do say a lot about who we are…….it’s the law of attraction.

The guy that’s worried about his girlfriends friends being a reflection of her…… she/they may be a reflection of you as well……are you attracted to women based on looks alone or material possessions? He’s gotta know his own motives for dating that woman.

I know my friends are simular to me…that’s why we are friends.

The repulsion you wrote about yesterday…..is when the mirror is held up by folks we’re connected to and we don’t like what we see in ourselves, could that be what he is experiencing?

Have a Great Day……I will check in later!

Raqi...I'm Addicted to Your Chocolate High

August 5th, 2009
8:50 am

Well what happens when the birds flocking together sort of resemble a pack of vultures? You should run far away.

Is it fair to judge a woman by her close friends? Yes, men also.

Should he be worried about the woman he is so into now is actually just a representative? Yes, because he is dating the rep.

Have you ever dated someone and clashed with their group of friends? No.

Do you pay close attention to the associates, friends, and business partners of the people you are dating? Yep.

What, if anything, does it say about the person? It says that those that you see with and around your date is a reflection of who they are.

Are you similar to the people you are closely connected to? Very. That’s why we get along so well. We all have our thing that makes us standout from the other but we are pretty much alike in many ways.

Raqi...I'm Addicted to Your Chocolate High

August 5th, 2009
8:50 am

I have found that the biggest challenge in dating and connecting with friends is when you get to the friends of friends. It’s like the further the branches extend from the tree the more diverse the limbs that connect can be.

The way the friendship with my very dear and close girl friends started was first I met Denise at a birthday party for my husband waaaay before he and I started dating. She was there as a girlfriend of one of Mason’s brother’s friend’s. She and I have been friends ever since. From befriending her I met Marissa and Katie. And on other lady whose name escape me right now. I met my friend Doc when my mother became ill. Doc was my mother’s oncologist. She became a dear friend during the time of my mother dying and we are very close today. I met Lacy thru Doc. Lacy is a pharmacist by day. I also met Caroline thru Doc. Two friends that I already had were Linda and Charlene. We all starting mixing and mingling together.

There was some back stabbing going on in the mix. There was some getting with a husband that was not yours going on in mix. And there was a whole lot of clashing and cat fights going on. Over the years it began to weed out the vast diversities and the problem children. I would say during the past 6 six years we became 5 strong. Up until nearly 4 years ago Doc was the only one that was married. She is also the oldest of us all. Very intelligent and wise woman. I eventually got married, 4 years come October. Then Marissa and then Denise. Marriage, husband, babies and all. Lacy has now drifted away from the bunch. She was the one that had the most problems with any of us needing to pull away to attend to SO/husband matters.

She was the one that always partied the hardest. However she has hosted some awesome lingerie and/or adult girlie events. LOL She used to work for Frederick’s of Hollywood years ago and now she held a side gig at Vicky’s for a good long time.

All that to say that those of us that are the most alike grew closer and those that were vastly different fell off.

Raqi...I'm Addicted to Your Chocolate High

August 5th, 2009
8:52 am

If anyone stumbles across my sleep please give it back to me. It’s been missing since 4:30 this morning.

SexyCool - Summer '09

August 5th, 2009
8:59 am

Those closest to me share similar qualities, interests, beliefs, pasttimes, hobbies, histories and so on. However, we are not carbon copies, clones. If we were, we would have NOwhere NEAR as much fun.

Were the cops just here?

Professor

August 5th, 2009
9:06 am

Happy Hump Day!

Do you pay close attention to the associates, friends, and business partners of the people you are dating?
I don’t pay close attention per se because I hate dissecting people until I have a reason to do so. However I will look at their business partners because I am a businesswoman and I look for opportunities. One thing I always ask how long have they been friends, associates etc., and how they met. The reason for this is simple, I have friends from the second grade, however we are so different and they probably would not meet the criteria I look for in friends now. Guess what we have been friends a long time and if someone was judging me, on who I am now, don’t base it on a decision I made in Ms. Second Grade Teacher class when my biggest concern was playtime.
What, if anything, does it say about the person? It just depends on all the circumstances.
Are you similar to the people you are closely connected to? Nope I have only a few people that I am close to we are alike in all things related to core principles, but we are a diverse group with differences.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 5th, 2009
9:14 am

Ummm Hmmmm.. Ok.. She might not be a gold digger and all that but her friends are very influential and if he does not fit their mold for her or he doesnt get along with them.. He needs to be afraid. Very afraid because they will team up and start cacklin and will sabotage the relationship with subliminal vibes. The best way a woman can be happy with her dude is to keep her friends out of their mix..

The Real Rell - i come on to strong?!?!?!

August 5th, 2009
9:18 am

friends are very influential

@dk….naw joe…they might give there input..but all that goldigging ish or other larceny related heart conditions they may have is just a front….all women are still wired for romance, attention, security, and a good relationship…whos to say that your relationship with that women will not influence her friends to do better or at least want/envy with you guys have….my focus is never on the friends…i could give a flying fishead about the there crew…long as they respect me then its all good..and if she is a follower she cant roll with me n e way….one!

Raqi...I'm Addicted to Your Chocolate High

August 5th, 2009
9:20 am

My had one “friend” that I absolutely despised. I used to wonder how could he keep company with a man that is utterly disrespectful and blatantly on the other side of my husband’s moral track. When I would say something to Mason he would say “it’s business baby, just business”. This guy was also the step relative of one of my husband’s closer friends.

I was so glad when that business venture ended. I don’t know if I told you all this before but one evening we were out having dinner and this guy was complaining about his woman. Mason asked him how is it you can complain about the cow’s milk when it’s another man’s cow that you are milking.

Mason also spent a weekend in lockup because of that man, but that’s a whole other Oprah for another day.

Page1908

August 5th, 2009
9:24 am

LOL SexyCool- Ummm yeah, the cops were there! That $500,000 invoice better be right today! lmao

M. (Pronounced M dot)

August 5th, 2009
9:25 am

I think you have to take their friends with a grain of salt but also you have to observe this from an impact perspective. What impact will their friends opinion have on you? Some people go with the 100% love theme but also some people follow the opinions of their inner circle also. So if they say he/she is not good for you, get rid of them…it may or may not happen.

I always have been kinda wiery if her best friend was the fast type, high strung, gold digger type, etc…you gotta know and EMBRACE the idea that at one time the person you are dating was right there with them doing the same thing…THIS GOES FOR GUYS TO LADIES!!!

I saw this first hand when I used to date a girl who’s best friend’s ENTIRE goal in life was to get married to a professional athlete. She would not go to any event unless athlete’s with $10 million and above contracts were there so in the back of my mind, I knew the girl I was dating was on that program to.

A GREAT WAY TO KNOW THIS is if the person you are dating always defends a friends actions. This is a critical aspect that we should pay attention to like why are you always on Suzy’s case, she just not settling…lol…Defending the friendship is one thing but defending the actions of another adult is crazy to me…

Wise Diva

August 5th, 2009
9:26 am

Good morning lovely people!

Raqi...I'm Addicted to Your Chocolate High

August 5th, 2009
9:28 am

but all that goldigging ish or other larceny related heart conditions they may have is just a front

Rell please take this coming from a woman, some women are some of the most scandalous, deceitful, eye clawing beings that you will ever come across.

If you keep believing what you are believing you are going to keep getting got sweetie.

Wise Diva

August 5th, 2009
9:28 am

wow, M dot, that’s an excellent point! I was seeing a dude who had close buddies that cheated on their wives/girlfriends, and he covered for them and seemed to defend their right to have something on the side. Gave him the side-eye for about 10 seconds before I moved on from him.

abc

August 5th, 2009
9:31 am

The gold digging ho friends are a clear warning. He should heed it.

I’ve dated a chick whose friends were all either lawyers or unemployed. I have about as much use for lawyers as I do for cops — no offense to the legally inclined, but it makes for legal issues being the only topic anyone ever discusses, and in my experience, ain’t no such thing as a white hat lawyer. The unemployed ones actually started costing me a lot of money. What it turned out to be is a chick that would argue and debate even the slightest little thing. often using legal jargon, and even though she couldn’t afford not to work, she seemed allergic to a job. I dumped her azz, and I should have heeded the signs early on and saved the time and hassle.

M. (Pronounced M dot)

August 5th, 2009
9:32 am

Thanks Wise but it is so true! How you been? Think back to the longer you were with someone and you kinda got to see the friend defense. Like everyone tries to justify what their friends are doing like if she is not happy and talks to other guys on the side, a defense could be, she has emotional needs lol…etc…

Raqi...I'm Addicted to Your Chocolate High

August 5th, 2009
9:32 am

Rell the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing man he didn’t exist.

The extremely high-strung, high-maintenance gold-diggers are very much real.

The Real Rell - i come on to strong?!?!?!

August 5th, 2009
9:34 am

@Raqr…i am not getting got…actually when women meet me…i am the guy they want to date and build a relationship with..not they guy they want to fluck right away….last night same deal…had a female over the tilt…had the wine check..food check…actually i was cooking…lounge music…check…good convo check…she rubbing all on me…but would not go there…you know ” i want to get to know you more”…blah blah blah blah blah…thus my tag line…she was like why you coming on so strong…you going to get just not tonight….rolling my eyes..and i go on shut down rest of the evening….i hate that…well i guess you can say i got got for some attention!!!!

SexyCool - I'm The One. You can stop looking now.

August 5th, 2009
9:36 am

I passed by V103 on the way in to work this morning. They are actually having a quite interesting discussion about relationships.

Raqi...I'm Addicted to Your Chocolate High

August 5th, 2009
9:36 am

I was seeing a dude who had close buddies that cheated on their wives/girlfriends, and he covered for them and seemed to defend their right to have something on the side.

WiseDiva yes and yes. That right there let you know how he feels about loyalty in relationships. Just like he covered for them, he knew they would do the same for him.

SexyCool - I'm The One.

August 5th, 2009
9:41 am

Page – I’m crunching numbers now.

Melo

August 5th, 2009
9:42 am

Good topic WISE!

Morning family…lemme get a cuppa of coffee and then i be back.

AmazonRed™ - who's gonna check me, boo?

August 5th, 2009
9:42 am

Morning all –

I think it’s a case by case basis. Depends on where you fall in the friendship circle. If you’re the ringleader or the queen bee, you’re probably the one initiating what the crew does. If you’re the fringe friend, you probably draw the line at certain places.

I’ve always been the goody-goody amongst my friends. Dropping them for behavior I don’t necessarily agree with would be like dropping them for something like being gay. What goes on in your bedroom or in your dating life is none of my concern. And if it’s a character thing, and you’re just a liar or a cheat or a crazy, I’m not kicking it with you anyway.

One thing I can say from all the guys I’ve dated seriously, they have all had FABULOUS friends. Loyal, rational, etc. I’ve found myself being cool with the friends of my exes, even after our relationship is long over.

Raqi...I'm Addicted to Your Chocolate High

August 5th, 2009
9:43 am

Rell Imma post this again for you. “The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing man he didn’t exist.”

I am not saying that every woman is like this because all of us aren’t. But you need to accept the fact that many are. Men do not have the market cornered on game playing. The days of the naive woman are far behind us. Just like Infamous talked about handling a situation making the woman think she is breaking up with him, women are the same way kiddo. We know how to make you all believe your are manning the helm when the whole time you…just aren’t.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

August 5th, 2009
9:46 am

Have you ever dated someone and clashed with their group of friends? What was it that made them not get along?

No I haven’t had that experience with any of my past S.O.s friends….I fit right in.

Do you pay close attention to the associates, friends, and business partners of the people you are dating? What, if anything, does it say about the person?

If I were dating I would pay some attention to the people they surround themselves with to a certain degree….just to see what type/kind they are in the hopes that they’re all on the up and up…..nothing unsavory.

Are you similar to the people you are closely connected to? Yes and no and it’s the no that makes it all very interesting……trust mi p’on dat….seen.

Were the cops just here? ‘Til you do right by me everything you think about is gonna crumble :)

Page1908

August 5th, 2009
9:47 am

OK SexyCool, I’m just checking on that invoice now lol.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 5th, 2009
9:47 am

Rell – Im telling you guy.. When the posse is against you and they are percieved as her girls, they will influence her relatioship. Ok riddle me this. Have you ever had your girl tell you about a problem her girl was having and then ya’ll have a disagreement becuase you dont think the dude is wrong? Then ya’ll now have a problem when ya’ll didnt have one before. Man I’ve seen it happen unhappy girlfriends and Scorned Mamas will tear her relationship apart. For one Misery loves company and a female will do way more for her girls than she will ever do for you. Dude its a fact that women will break shady about their friends, cause rule one is aint no man gone come between me and me friends..

Cemeeli

August 5th, 2009
9:47 am

Morning!

He is H.I.M. all by himself. Never came accross that there are potnahs, kin folks, or associates that “influence” the brother.

Oh, and my friends, most of mine that i meet later on in my life when i got older (20+) i didn’t even meet “conventionally”. Two of my homegirls have said there was something “illuminating” about me that made ‘em invite me to a late night bbq I had only see the two twice at the salon and got an invite….My college buddy said she didn’t know what to say to me the first time i came to a dorm meeting she just knew she wanted me to “smoke one” with her lol…12years later she and i are still buds….I have some good & bad freind stories but that’ll take all day…in my own right of course, i think i just regular.

We carry a little bit of those we’ve befriended in/with us daily.

Professor

August 5th, 2009
9:48 am

I meant to address this one…

Is it fair to judge a woman by her close friends?

It is so to judge a wo/man by their close friends. How many of us would like to be judge by our family members, friends, neighbors, community that we live in, prior relationships, the color of our nail polish, the amount in our bank account, our medical history etc.?

I was deeply saddened by the shooting at the LA Fitness and just to think the perpetrator posted his intentions on a blog for over the past year…I am not sure of all the details but it clearly makes you wonder.

Raqi...I'm Addicted to Your Chocolate High

August 5th, 2009
9:48 am

Do you men not realize in these days and times that the damsel in distress actually set up and created the situation to be distressed? So while you are out there rescuing just know that you are walking right into where she is leading you.

I know some ruthless women. I grew up with one. My sister.

Page1908

August 5th, 2009
9:48 am

LOL Sassy! Girl, don’t start! “All ya’ll goin’ down” *pointing 2 fingers” lmao.

Professor

August 5th, 2009
9:48 am

It is so UNFAIR

Raqi...I'm Addicted to Your Chocolate High

August 5th, 2009
9:50 am

a female will do way more for her girls than she will ever do for you.

Now that’s not true. 100%.

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

August 5th, 2009
9:50 am

Its too early for folks to be getting on my NERVES!!

Hello All!

On topic: my best friend is a guy and I have had more problems with that than my guy clashing with my female friends. Once dudes find out that my BF isnt gay, its like there is a serious problem. As for clashing with his friends….havent had that happen (knock on wood).

SCool – I had a pineapple martini last night chica……dayum good if I say so myself! :smile:

Page1908

August 5th, 2009
9:52 am

Raqi- Your 9:48 reminded me of that movie with Vivica Fox and Morris Chestnut…can’t remember the name. But anyway, there is a scene in the movie where she goes to a party and makes him jealous and then she plays the damsel in distress role when she is outside and pokes a hole in her tire so that some man can stop and “rescue” her.

SexyCool - I'm The One.

August 5th, 2009
9:55 am

Sassy – you can mix my apple martinis ANYtime.

Mo – pineapple, huh? I’m going to put that on my ToDo list.

AmazonRed™ - who's gonna check me, boo?

August 5th, 2009
9:56 am

I passed by V103 on the way in to work this morning. They are actually having a quite interesting discussion about relationships.

SexyCool, agreed. Here is what Frank said on Facebook too:

Women if you really wanna catch a man, STOP buying everything yourself! If you already have a Benz, House, Jewelery etc, whats left for a man to do? When you are already so upgraded, it’s unattractive to a man. Learn from Gold Diggers, they play on a man’s ego, act needy, asking for help. Next time you need an oil change, don’t get it done yourself ladies, ask a man. Make him feel needed. LOL

SexyCool - I'm The One.

August 5th, 2009
9:57 am

Page – Now, I’m really laughing at you. Two Can Play That Game

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

August 5th, 2009
9:58 am

“All ya’ll goin’ down” *pointing 2 fingers”

Oooh chile….all I can do is laugh at that.

Kym-Doc Holiday-that's my daddy!

August 5th, 2009
10:00 am

Good Morning All,

My friends one time commented that all of them could not be in the same place at the same time. Because they all seem to have different taste and interest. Could be because I have different taste and interest.

Homebody(family game nights), Disco Queen(The Lounge-wild and crazy), Volunteer(HOA), Political Debates/Problem Solver and Comforter(Phone calls to midnight) Bookclub(those ladies could fit in any catagory), Nature Girl,(hmmm I think the cheese stands alone here) Plays and events(they all kind of do that)

Anywhoo, my point is that if a dude met my friends he would meet one person and go okay I can see that, meet another and go…why the heck you hang with them? Because they are so diverse. I like that. I like knowing diverse people, life is too short to spend it with a carbon copy of your own personality. Where is the fun in that?

Raqi...I'm Addicted to Your Chocolate High

August 5th, 2009
10:00 am

Page, yeah. LOL I wasn’t talking about situations like that but yeah that is definitely an example.

I have seen women sit around and laugh about how they have men thinking they are playing the woman when they are actually being played.

The Real Rell - i come on to strong?!?!?!

August 5th, 2009
10:02 am

@raqi..yea i read it the other two times..got it

@dk…cool

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

August 5th, 2009
10:03 am

SexyCool – I had my drink with ya’ll from Lithonia! LOL! And now that I have that pineapple martini recipe down, its on. Now if I can just get Copeland’s Mojito Martini recipe I’ll be cool……

AmazonRed™ - who's gonna check me, boo?

August 5th, 2009
10:03 am

female will do way more for her girls than she will ever do for you

That’s really sad that is your experience.

Cemeeli

August 5th, 2009
10:04 am

Shawty Mo – Do you think your SO would trip on homeboy being your homeboy? and see that’s where it really get’s testy.

Kym I agree…Diverse friends/people around is alot better than a copy of ourselves.

Melo

August 5th, 2009
10:05 am

Friendships can be categorized i guess,close,not so close, etc.I always use the term friend very loosely coz in reality,i dont have many friends,mabe one or two that i can realy confide in.
Having a bunch of friends,whether u female or male,i think is kinda of a growing up,30is kinda of thing.
Adults dont hang with a pack of friends,maybe one or two eeghh,egghhhh, three then!!! :lol:
A girl with a pack of friends that are really close to her…they are birds of the same feather.Same with guys i wld say.No way u can seperate their behavior patterns, i wld say.Unless the term “friend” is being used loosely.
There is no way u can be a st8 person but be hanging out with the same wacko on the regular and hope to remain immune to the wacko bug.I dont buy it.
Now,there are people i wld call “friends” if they are around me etc but in reality,they are people i am cojial/cordial with.Not really friends but community type people i know.Some of those have neva seen the inside of my home,and i havent been regular to their homes either.
But friends??? as in circle of friends??
I left that in college.

AmazonRed™ - who's gonna check me, boo?

August 5th, 2009
10:05 am

I had a pineapple martini last night chica……

Yum. One of my favs. Along with the pineapple mojito.

Paid $13 for one at the W. :???: I need to learn to become a mixologist! :lol:

Page1908

August 5th, 2009
10:09 am

LOL SexyCool- Ok, yeah I forgot the name of that movie.

Raqi- LOL…oh I just skimmed and saw you said something about women playing the damsel in distress and I thought about that movie lol.

Sassy- lmao @ “until you do right by me, everything you think about is gonna crumble”! omg that was hilarious! LOL @ Sassy the bartender!