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No, Seriously

I was asked what the dating scene in Atlanta was like recently. I smiled and said, well, you need three things: healthy dose of self-esteem, loads of patience, and a sense of humor. I think that is pretty much going to keep your dating drama to a minimum.

In your opinion, when you are getting to know someone, is it a waste of time to get to know someone that you think has little potential for “MVP status” with you? I ask because, I think so many times we completely miss the mark on who is actually a good match for us.

Have you ever met someone who seemed like a colossal waste of time, then they turned out to be a great thing?

Are we not willing to take risks in dating anymore? Does that make us big chickens when it comes to match in love and romance?

If you are brave enough to want an actual relationship with someone, how long does it usually take before you take the person seriously? Is it more about their behavior and consistency or the amount of time they have managed not to repulse you? Perhaps a little of both? What are your thoughts?

563 comments Add your comment

M. (pronounced M dot)

August 4th, 2009
11:08 am

@Grace I agree with you.

M'

August 4th, 2009
11:09 am

@W8

Uh…me thinks the pyscho men and women are in balance…hehehe…they are equally represented.

What I want to know is why do I seemed to have the psychos that can not handle rejection without the relationship…just a simple NO and they nut up…geesh…hate to see what would happen if I did get involved with the nuts…lawdy.

W8©

August 4th, 2009
11:09 am

@DK- yeah they live in there own little world..lol

On another note it’s funny how these teams with few quarterbacks are having there quarterbacks get hurt…I am hoping this helps Vick get on

SexyCool - If you knew the path I've traveled ...

August 4th, 2009
11:11 am

Having been the victim of a psycho breakup dude, I am grateful to be alive.

W8©

August 4th, 2009
11:11 am

@M’- at what point are you rejecting them and when are you realizing that they are psycho?

The Real Rell

August 4th, 2009
11:11 am

Vick get on

- he is getting black balled for some reason…even john clayton was like “vick not even close to getting on with a team”…and has a bunch of contacts…zilch!

W8©

August 4th, 2009
11:13 am

Man I have had one psycho break up woman…man o man o man…

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

August 4th, 2009
11:13 am

think the psycho men, as of late, are creeping on a come up in outweighing the pyscho women. There have been more men losing it and killing women recently than I ever remember hearing.

What’s up with that?….it seems like all these BIG egos are kinda fragile.

Men just have more bite than women..thats all

Wishful thinking……at best ;)

W8©

August 4th, 2009
11:14 am

I think they are just driving his price down and someone will get him for cheap also folk keep getting hurt..and I think the will to win will eventually overcome the hesitation of signing him…but I could be wrong

Melo

August 4th, 2009
11:15 am

why do I seemed to have the psychos that can not handle rejection without the relationship

If u dikkmatize chics,then bench them,u run the risk of being shot or being set up and shot here in the A.And esp if u have other things going on for u…coz they will be already dreaming of that cindirella lyfe.
Just my observation playa! Be careful!

The Real Rell

August 4th, 2009
11:16 am

@W8..did you see the clip of him throwing to hs players…he still got that proper form and snap wrist release…foot work was way off..but hell he just got out…but he will play qb for someone and excel…he talked with the kids – it was not about football…

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

August 4th, 2009
11:17 am

Sassy Me – ‘Wishful thinking……at best’….. LMAO! ^5 on that one chica

SexyCool – after seeing how dude was with my friend, I wouldnt wish a that kind of horror on anyone

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 4th, 2009
11:18 am

Melo – I think you got the M’s mixed up with your last post!

Kym-Don't want no Paper Gangsta

August 4th, 2009
11:20 am

@ARed Dr. Berry at the book conference said this about drama..”Sometimes we create drama so we have something to star in.” I think that is so true in some cases.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

August 4th, 2009
11:20 am

What I want to know is why do I seemed to have the psychos that can not handle rejection without the relationship…just a simple NO and they nut up…

That reminds me of the the young lady that got shot in the face recently for the same thing. I understand that we live in a society with a quasi “microwave mentality” that has given rise to a breed of men that have been accustomed to getting their way(whatever that entails) and aren’tuse to hearing the word no….BUUT I’ve also seen some women reject a man harsh enough to where I wanted to say ease off. Nevertheless the growing violence against women is quite alarming.

SexyCool - If you knew the path I've traveled ...

August 4th, 2009
11:20 am

Yeah, Mo – Having a dude look you and the eyes and tell you he’s going to kill you….is pretty horrible, especially when you’re down a dark ass country road with no one around. Yeah. I’ve got angels watching over me.

BTW – how did Day#2 go for the little man?

For Real

August 4th, 2009
11:21 am

What up Blog Fam!

I read some of the analogies and that’s part of the problem but the main reason for people not getting what they need/want is that they in fact don’t know what they want. Now I’m sure by now 13% of the chicks on the blog have all said they “know who they are and want they want” but funny how they keep looking for steak on the can goods isle. Dayumit another analogy. Bottom line it’s all about “your decision making or not making ability” and how accountable you are for your decisions.

By the way can yall define these terms I keep reading from the chicks:

BS =

Foolishness =

Wasting Time =

A game =

Ladies I really want to know how each of you define those things.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 4th, 2009
11:21 am

Im gonna say this and I know ya’ll aint gonna like it. I dont advocate violence but sometimes ladies ya’ll push a dude to a point where he feels like he wants you to feel the pain he feels because he has taken way more than he should.

EX: My Dude and his wife are divorcing. She shows up to a mall in his neighborhood with her new dude where grew up. She sees me and jets out of the mall dragging dude who clearly didnt know what was going on or what she had put him in the middle of. She looked like she had saw a ghost. Now I know she can go where ever she wants but a dude looks at that as blatant disrespect. Now say he was in the mall and saw it. Knowing how hurtful and dirty she has been up to this point I could see that situation going horribly wrong with him ending up on the news. Not because he wants her back but now youre adding insult to injury. But you know what a friend of mine told me (A Female). She said “its ok because theyre separated and she is moving on with her life”. Its OK that shes moving on but she’s not even divorced yet and showing up in public where that mans whole family frequents that mall and knows the situation. I had to calm him down because he was about to do the mother to her because he said out of all the stuff she’s put me through she just wont stop and Im tired of playing with her. I’m telling you as a man we look at that as blatant disrespect and we just dont do too well with that. Ya’ll look at snapped and homie had that look in his eyes.

The Real Rell

August 4th, 2009
11:22 am

M'

August 4th, 2009
11:24 am

@W8

When I am not interested in someone…I tell them no right up front…period…NO…NO THANK YOU…NOT…period…I do not waste time or words with a dead issue.

When I encounter a male entity who expresses an interest in getting to know me on a more personal or intimate level there is absolutely no equivocation on my lack of interest…but it seems that my always being solo and never with anyone conveys to them the “possibility” of my being available with enough persistence…NEVER, truly…and what was once an irrational infatuation becomes the fodder to intense “rejection”…uh, hte last NO was just like the first one…and I have seen this shtye go on for months and sometimes even years after the fact.

Melo

August 4th, 2009
11:24 am

Kimmie..M in bold is female and plain M is?????

i get it now,thanks.

Kym-Don't want no Paper Gangsta

August 4th, 2009
11:25 am

@W8 I think he should head to Minnesota.

The Real Rell

August 4th, 2009
11:26 am

@dk…been there…an surprisly…i did nothing..no need to lose my freedom over something crazy…i mean my crazy not going to stop the world…life goes on…and so will you boi…and trust fam..i have been done waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay dirty for my lack of attention…i mean stuff i share with you guys is stuff i have made peace with…there is more that i am dealing with now…but i dont share it all…it would be a dayum mini-series if i did…lol…hows that for crazy….

W8©

August 4th, 2009
11:28 am

At some point everyone, including me, notices the pscyho tendancy before it happens..its just if we take heed or not

Grace

August 4th, 2009
11:28 am

DK why did you tell your friend about seeing his wife at the mall? See it’s stuff right there that causes more problems….Didn’t your mother teach you not to snitch? In a case as sensitive as your friends, you should have withheld that information. Even though he’s your friend you have to look out for his best interest and his best interest is not to bring information that could lead to as M. said a crime. JMO

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 4th, 2009
11:28 am

And no I didnt call him and tell him.. It had already gotten back before I could talk to him.. By the time I talked to him he was Hot as Fish grease and on the warpath. So I drove over tooks his keys to look him out of his house and we took a drive ending up in Alabama soewhere. I couldnt bring myself to tell him I saw her too because that wouldve amped the situation more so I kept it underwraps. I will tell him one day.

M'

August 4th, 2009
11:29 am

@Melo

M’…M apostrophe is female

M., M dot…is male

tay bro???

W8©

August 4th, 2009
11:30 am

@Rell- your 1126 is real talk..same here

AmazonRed™

August 4th, 2009
11:31 am

Im gonna say this and I know ya’ll aint gonna like it. I dont advocate violence but sometimes ladies ya’ll push a dude to a point where he feels like he wants you to feel the pain he feels because he has taken way more than he should.

DK – Three words

GET. OVER. IT.

Life isn’t fair. So homechick was in a MALL. So what?! They are divorcing and yes she is moved on. There would NEVER be a valid excuse for her to meet physical harm for that. And in addition, the chick LEFT! She didn’t flaunt that dude proudly in your face.

He needs some anger management or therapy if he was driven to violence over that.

And the fact that you thought that was a good example of how it could end in volence is a bit distrubing.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 4th, 2009
11:32 am

Grace – That wa ssome rotten B!tch Ish though.. Hey ya’ll call ya’ll girls about if a dude aint in walmart but next door shoe carnival. I had to tell him its not embarrasing you its embarrassing her and she’s not the woman you used to know. She’s someone else now.

SexyCool - If you knew the path I've traveled ...

August 4th, 2009
11:33 am

So, are we going to have M?, M:, M: or M@ show up as well? LOL

And yes, I peeped dude’s psycho tendencies about a week before all this happened and immediately distanced myself from him.

Grace

August 4th, 2009
11:33 am

Good going DK I was gonna make you go and pick out your own switch for that one!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 4th, 2009
11:34 am

ARED – You say that but its alot I’m leaving out. He has endured alot with her. See its ok if something like that happens to a dude like me cause I’m sure Ive done it before but a bonafide good dude that wouldnt harm a fly and worshipped the ground his wife walked on is another story. I’m telling you I could see the snapped look in his eyes.

Raqi

August 4th, 2009
11:35 am

Now I know she can go where ever she wants but a dude looks at that as blatant disrespect.

GTFOH If we aren’t together then I can do and go where I please, especially if it is on my side of town. Now I would never go thru the foolishness of making the effort to go out of my way where I know where you will be or your family. But if the area is where I reside I am not going out of my way to try to avoid you.

The Real Rell

August 4th, 2009
11:35 am

I think he should head to Minnesota

- Me too…hell they have a vick knock off up there…why not get the real thing..can you imagine AD and VICK in a backfield…WOW

Kym-Don't want no Paper Gangsta

August 4th, 2009
11:35 am

@DK it sounds like there is some deeper issues there. It is not about her being at the mall. She must have dipped out on him with some other dude or something. I mean I can understand the hurt feelings. I have had plenty of “I’d rather go blind moments” in my youth (song by Ms. Etta James) but all that don’t walk through my mall what if my uncle sees you, is some bs(bs define as excessive dramatics, out of focus thinking, behavior, speech that only makes sense to the moron(s) who are spouting it and or agree with it.)

M'

August 4th, 2009
11:37 am

SCool

So, are we going to have M?, M:, M: or M@ show up as well? LOL

Too funny…I was thinking the same thing…hehehe.

One thing that I always pay close attention to is the need to be in control and how my explicitly autonomous expression can “trigger” a negative reaction…usually does not take long…there are certain regional cultures where I am not deferential enough for the male mentality…so any indication that their inability to control me or the situation is an immediate red flag that ole boy will nut up at some point.

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

August 4th, 2009
11:37 am

SexyCool – Day #2 was a lil more dramatic for Lil Mo, mommy had to leave him with tears in his eyes. I hate to see him like that but i know he’s alright. Im sure he’ll have a million things to tell me again today. I got a play-by-play yesterday.

Rell – i heard about dude and the superglue this AM, reminded me of the Bobbitt chick that just cut it off.

INFAMOUS – dayum……

Leggs

August 4th, 2009
11:38 am

BS = Making empty promises or even empty desires with “boiler plate” language!

Foolishness = Saying you’ll come by at 6:00 to pick me up only to call at 11:00 w/some foolishness as to why you didn’t show nor call. E.g., I already knew you were mad so saw no reason to call to explain myself.

Wasting Time = Well, I thought I was liking you but not quite sure so I wanted to really figure this out but still keeping my options open until I’ve decided. Just one example because this could be stated upfront and not after 5 months of what someone thought was exclusive dating.

A game = See “Wasting Time.”

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 4th, 2009
11:38 am

ARED – I not saying it should ever end in violence but I am saying thats one of the reasons dudes get out of control. Animal instinct takes over and they loose it. Come on now ya’ll got a whole show about women snapping and Ive heard women say yeah she shouldve snapped on his a$$.. This ish is ridiculous.

W8©

August 4th, 2009
11:38 am

Yup Vick and the Vikings are a match made in heaven

Grace

August 4th, 2009
11:40 am

Leggs :lol: :lol: :lol: you nailed it on the head! and bringing back memeories :evil:

AmazonRed™

August 4th, 2009
11:40 am

ARED – You say that but its alot I’m leaving out.

Of course. But the example you chose to give, was a BAD EXAMPLE.

Newsflash. Even after the divorce is final, she’ll still be moving on with her life. Acceptance will have to come at some point.

Folks, and men, often don’t realize that NOT getting mad is often the quickest way to prove a person is not affecting you. No one looks at folks like the chick that offed Steve McNair with admiration. Only scorn and pity. And when it’s a dude, it’s even more sad and bytchmade!

lurker

August 4th, 2009
11:41 am

Im gonna say this and I know ya’ll aint gonna like it. I dont advocate violence but sometimes ladies ya’ll push a dude to a point where he feels like he wants you to feel the pain he feels because he has taken way more than he should.

I going to agree with this statement but I will add, the same applies to men. I cannot say for both men and women, the crazies are deemed but just like the chick in your scenario may be adding salt to an open wound or as you put, adding insult to injury, theres a ton of dudes out there pretending not to know from which the crazies a chick is dishing came. IMO, a great majority of the time somebody did something to bring out the crazies. Now, you may have thought it was all funny and fun and games and didn’t know the level of crazy with which you was dealing but none the less, I think a lot of crazies are the fallout from some ill played game. Like the scenario where the dude shot the chick in our building and killed himself….well no one knew she’d had an abortion without telling him. Now, there’s NEVER a reason to kill a person but just because you’ve played the game for umpteen years without ramifications does not mean you’ll meet one that will let things ride like all others.

SexyCool - If you knew the path I've traveled ...

August 4th, 2009
11:42 am

“Often don’t realize that NOT getting mad is often the quickest way to prove a person is not affecting you.”

I tell people all the time, “The opposite of love is not hate. It’s indifference.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 4th, 2009
11:42 am

Raqi – Ok if she didnt think she was wrontg why did she leave when she saw me? Like she saw a ghost leaving.. Dudes feet were shuffling. I’m not saying she cant go where she wants but at least get the paperwork right first. Come on now if that had been a dude he would be all kinds of dirty doggs and low down B@stards.

The Real Rell

August 4th, 2009
11:43 am

@DK/RED

anger management or therapy if he was driven to violence over that.

- that anger comes from the fact as a man of feeling powerless in a situation you thought you had control over…nobody wants to harm anyone..but the intial shock of first losing your life..yes you build a life in a marriage…two the reality of being alone again…three you feel like a failure as a man…then after all that going on..you see your lady in the mall with a new dude that did not work to make her who she is today get a free pass..but you get her a zz to kiss…that right there will drive any man crazy…and again i have seen and been there..and i got mad but i went home and did so many pushups my harms where sore for two weeks….i drank so much beer i dont like the taste of it no more..and i did this while doing pushups…sometimes i get so angry i throw up or worse start getting blurry vision..so now what i do is just work out in the morning and when i get off…that helps with the anger….but i do feel that situation DK and have been there MANY times!!!

SexyCool - If you knew the path I've traveled ...

August 4th, 2009
11:45 am

DK – the issue that sticks out in your example is the dude she was with allowing himself to be lead out like that. I can’t imagine dealing with the caliber of dude that would be okay with running from another dude.

DasK

August 4th, 2009
11:45 am

well, speak of DaDebi, (that’s me)l and one of my many creeds, Life is Full of Risk. (chuckling)

on the day I decided to make the effort to drop by to say HELLO to all my TOSers.
(Been way too busy to even get online nowadays, from work)

W8©

August 4th, 2009
11:45 am

Word of advice for men and women..dont ever let it get physical..my dad always taught me if it gets to that point..just go sit in the car…dont go anywhere ..just turn on some music and relax…I say men and women because some women think it’s okay to slap a man…nope that aint right either..you do not do any physical harm to anyone out of anger..what surprises me is when a woman states on record that she hit her man and he hit her back..yeah he is a chump for hitting her back but all that could have been prevented if she didnt hit him in the first place. Yall may get mad at me for this..but I will state this to any woman I am dating..yeah I may do something that may warrant you to slap me I will take that…but if you ever come hit me with a fist, come at me with a knife, gun or anytype of weapon you have placed yourself in a whole other category.