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No, Seriously

I was asked what the dating scene in Atlanta was like recently. I smiled and said, well, you need three things: healthy dose of self-esteem, loads of patience, and a sense of humor. I think that is pretty much going to keep your dating drama to a minimum.

In your opinion, when you are getting to know someone, is it a waste of time to get to know someone that you think has little potential for “MVP status” with you? I ask because, I think so many times we completely miss the mark on who is actually a good match for us.

Have you ever met someone who seemed like a colossal waste of time, then they turned out to be a great thing?

Are we not willing to take risks in dating anymore? Does that make us big chickens when it comes to match in love and romance?

If you are brave enough to want an actual relationship with someone, how long does it usually take before you take the person seriously? Is it more about their behavior and consistency or the amount of time they have managed not to repulse you? Perhaps a little of both? What are your thoughts?

563 comments Add your comment

The Real Rell

August 4th, 2009
8:44 am

loads of patience

- biggest problem with me…i have none

Is it more about their behavior and consistency

- consistency!!!

mytw♥tatas

August 4th, 2009
8:52 am

I always take fellas seriously…until shown that I cannot. Not sitting around thinkin every dude’s playing games. BUT. Time is of the essence because it’s so precious and my frolicking 20s are over. Not tryna waste it on anyone who can’t add non-monetary value.

I think it’s definitely wise to factor in how much or how little the person has done to repulse you, Wisey. That’s a fabulous gauge! Who the bleep are we to have the magnanimous standards and 12 feet walls for potentials to scale if/when we can barely crest the minimun requirements across the board. There will be high arcs where we excel and then spots where we need improvent. Basically when you factor it all in, we’l mostly be average or slightly above average. But you’re probably some kin to it no matter how you slice it.

Today’s soapbox statement sponsored by the Producers and Participants last night’s episodes of “Dating in the Dark…” Have a lovely day, all.

The Real Rell

August 4th, 2009
9:07 am

this is why he is my favorite comic

http://goodhairmovie.net/

QC

August 4th, 2009
9:26 am

Morning Bloggers..i’m with you Relly Rell it’s my PATIENCE…I’m trying to do better :( Have a great day bloggers

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 4th, 2009
9:27 am

Mernin Ya’ll

I date just long enough to get you in your birthday suit. I’m kidding maybe.

Seriously it depends on the person as to how it goes. If shes intriguing enough to make keep me wanting to date her I will. If not I guess I wont. Oddly enough I have found myself putting women in the dreaded friend zone after things do pan out the way I thought they should.

In today’s society it instant gratification and thats what we want but the sooner we realize fine wine takes time to ferment then it will happen for us.

AmazonRed™

August 4th, 2009
9:28 am

Morning all –

people ask me all the time how the dating scene in ATL is. I tell them it’s very easy to get a date, and harder to lock someone down. There are a lot of choices here. All in all, I enjoy it.

Yes, I think it is a waste to time to date someone who has little potential. Folks will show you who they are, and if they’re not to your standards, why go there? If someone is going to magically morph into someone you’d eventually date, there is no need to be put through the ringer while it happens. Have him holla back.

As for taking someone seriously, you will get that from the beginning. I’ll take you seriously until you prove you are not to be taken seriously, then you’re an afterthought.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 4th, 2009
9:29 am

I’ll be forever mackin’
Heart cold as assassins, I got no passion
I got no patience and I hate waitin’
Mami get your a$$ in
And let’s RI-I-I-I-I-IDE

Professor

August 4th, 2009
9:39 am

Happy Tuesday!

I do not have a lot of patience, nor do I have a lot of time however I am serious from the start. I am one of those that know what I want so that is not a problem for me sitting in limbo and always changing things up. Simply put, I know who I am and I know what I want.

As for allowing someone to waste my time…never that, but I really try to give men the benefit of doubt. One more point I have learned that every wo/man you meet is not for relationship purposes even if they look good on paper. So normally if things are not going well and dude is good people I will still keep in contact and for other networking opportunities. This rule of thumb has been beneficial to me on the business side and making some good connections.

Confession: I am working on my patience and I have done okay this year with carving out time for myself.

M.

August 4th, 2009
9:42 am

This is my theory on the dating scene in Atlanta (I have used this for years): It is alot like shopping at Marshalls; you know there is a great deal in here somewhere (a cashmere sweater, cologne, set of wine glasses whatever!) but you will get so exhausted looking through all the misc. stuff that when you do find something, you may be to tired to want to deal with it!

I know for a fact my biggest dealbreaker with Atlanta women is the FLAKINESS! It has costed me plenty of girls who I thought were cool then they act like they are to busy or its fast paced in the beginning and then mellows out quickly.

Am I somewhat right people?

Professor

August 4th, 2009
9:43 am

Let me address these…

Are we not willing to take risks in dating anymore? I am, never scared of taking a risk in dating or loving. One of my favorite songs by Lee Ann Womack states

Lovin’ might be a mistake
But it’s worth making
Don’t let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter

So I have no problem taking a break and getting back on the field.

Does that make us big chickens when it comes to love and romance? No me I AM a lion, tiger and bear all in one!

Professor

August 4th, 2009
9:47 am

@ M…I love the shopping at Marshall’s analogy. I agree with the fast pace beginnings and the mellowing out (I call that evaporation).

IMO I really think that is just part of the game the person is playing especially for those that have motives (looking for a sugar daddy or sugar momma, sex etc.)

Page1908

August 4th, 2009
9:48 am

I just realized (or maybe I forgot) over the weekend while out with Staceye that when it comes to dating, she sees it in a way that the dudes start off, they automatically have an “F” grade, until they show and prove they can work themselves up to an “A” grade. For me, I see it in a way that when the dudes start off, they automatically have an “A” grade, until (or if) they show and prove otherwise and at that time I will adjust accordingly. I thought this was interesting.

SexyCool/W8/Staceye- LOL at me not be able to say I lost. Ok, so me and Staceye won in Taboo, but I guess “I didn’t technically win” when I played W8 in “rock, paper, scissors”. LOL. All these years I have been winning with “knife”…I had no clue I couldn’t use that one! lmao.

Tazzee - looking for Friday

August 4th, 2009
9:53 am

Morning Folks!

I give guys the benefit of the doubt. Personally I try to look for the upside in everyone. Now if a dude is blatantly disrespectful he gets nothing.

There’s one guy I met that seemed to be too obnoxious for me. I still think he is, but he’s now a nice associate. After our first few interactions I intuitively knew we could never date but he’s a cool guy overall.

As for risks in dating – it doesn’t take long for the ‘issues’ to manifest. You know, those things that turn a potential love interest into a ‘DNA’. The times that I did take a ‘risk’ with someone I didn’t think I would like…well my initial thoughts were confirmed.

SexyCool - If you knew the path I've traveled ...

August 4th, 2009
9:54 am

Three Words Daily – Instinct or Logic?

The Real Rell

August 4th, 2009
9:56 am

@M

Atlanta women is the FLAKINESS! It has costed me plenty of girls who I thought were cool then they act like they are to busy or its fast paced in the beginning and then mellows out quickly.

- not just atlanta but most WOMEN ARE FLAKES

Page1908

August 4th, 2009
9:59 am

LOL @ “most women are flakes”. wow

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 4th, 2009
10:01 am

Morning good blog people!

I’ll start toward the end of the topic. I am not afraid to take small risks in dating & love. I did that with the current SO. I met him in a way that was unconventional for me. I took a chance and it is paying off. But yes, if people are chickens in love & romance, there is reason for it. People used to meet at church or school and kind of grow up with a person. Or you met people thru others in your small family/social circle. There was safety there. Now theres the internet & facebook & night clubs and other ways that are not the most safe & reliable. It’s a big, cruel, dog eat dog world out there now. You have more options, but it’s not necessarily more quality with all the quantity.

As for the scene in ATL, I took myself out of the conventional scene soon after college graduation. I was turned off by the fake, phony and the games out in the cruel streets that come with any major metropolitan area, not just ATL. I am a native ATLian and I concentrate my social scene around mostly other natives or friends of those natives. My college friends which are life friends, a few friends from work, & those I’ve made doing things I enjoy & hobbies. This is a scene that is more comfortable for me to navigate in. The people I deal with on the regular are real and humble and share my values. The ATL I know & love.

SexyCool - If you knew the path I've traveled ...

August 4th, 2009
10:03 am

People are reasons, seasons, or lifetimes. I have learned appreciate for each encounter, contact, conversation, relationship, friendship and so on. I take what I need, give what I can and let the world keep turning on its axis.

As to risk, it’s like DasK always says, “Life is full of risk.” I add to that, if you’re not taking risks, you’re not really living. We attempt to be risk-averse to protect ourselves, but what we really do is tie the hands of the Universe and stifle our growth.

Page – Paper, scissors, rock, knife – who knew? I guess the knife is for stabbing. LOL!

AmazonRed™

August 4th, 2009
10:06 am

I am one of those that know what I want so that is not a problem for me sitting in limbo and always changing things up. Simply put, I know who I am and I know what I want.

Word.

M.

August 4th, 2009
10:07 am

@The Real Rell: True that

@Women: What’s with the Flakiness thing? Is this your way of wanting to be pursued or do you just like being chased around 285 to stroke your egos? :)

Page1908

August 4th, 2009
10:08 am

LOL SexyCool! You know I was pissed when I told W8 that knife beats rock and he was like “WTF Page! There is no knife…what are you doing”! I was like “uh?….Oh…my bad”. lmao

SexyCool - If you knew the path I've traveled ...

August 4th, 2009
10:08 am

Rell – There are some flaky-ass dudes around as well. (Notice, I said some – not broadstroking at all).

Hell, sometimes, I look at your blog posts and think, “Yeah, he’s really unstable today.”

Page1908

August 4th, 2009
10:10 am

LOL M. OMG I get lost on 285 all the time. Not because someone is chasing me around to stroke my ego, but because I have a horrible sense of direction. lmao.

SexyCool - If you knew the path I've traveled ...

August 4th, 2009
10:10 am

PageStab, stab, stab. Die, die, die.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 4th, 2009
10:12 am

What’s with the Flakiness thing? Is this your way of wanting to be pursued or do you just like being chased around 285 to stroke your egos?

M. – The absolute same thing could be said about quite a few men here. You have so many choices, it’s hard for a lot of you to chose one. I agree with Amred in that it’s easy to meet people to date, but hard to close the deal with a commited relationship or marriage. But since you’ve put every woman here in that catagory in your mind, that’s the energy you now give off. Now that’s probably all you are attracting. Start looking at the man in the mirror before you make generalizations – just something to consider!

Professor

August 4th, 2009
10:13 am

Not to turn this into class, but usually when you have a bunch of flakiness, jive talking or acting, trivial-mindedness, being a know-it-all etc. it is the ego. The ego tends to make us feel like we know more than we do, we look better than we do and it has to be stroked even if the stroking is solicited.

Ok, class is over.

M.

August 4th, 2009
10:13 am

@Page1908: I meant that jokingly as in chasing women around Atlanta…lolol

The Real Rell

August 4th, 2009
10:15 am

Yeah, he’s really unstable today.”

- WORD??…dayum really?

M.

August 4th, 2009
10:16 am

@kimmie-livin my life like it’s golden!: Relax! Its only tuesday and it was a general question not an accusation! I did ask a question and of course everyone knows the story on the Atlanta guys here so no need to go there!

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 4th, 2009
10:17 am

M didnt ask yall about dudes he asked about women. Stop twissting the question and shifting it back to dudes. Just answer from a womans perspective..

AmazonRed™

August 4th, 2009
10:19 am

@Women: What’s with the Flakiness thing? Is this your way of wanting to be pursued or do you just like being chased around 285 to stroke your egos?

M – The man leads, therefore he sets the tone. I am a lot of things, and flaky has NEVER been one of them. But I do get me a nice flaky golden crust cooked at 375° when I encounter a dude that brings his B-game or below.

A focused man gets a focused effort.

lurker

August 4th, 2009
10:19 am

I was turned off by the fake, phony and the games out in the cruel streets

I’m so agreeing with your post but this statement is pivotal. I CANNOT deal with the fake fake, be it man or woman. And yes, I find some women to be as phony as a $3.00 bill. Well, don’t let me discriminate, men too. We’ve ventured into a day and age where folks are all for self and all about self. I mean you should be to some extent but not at the cost of others. I have absolutely no patience for foolishness and will write someone off quickly, man or woman, seeing that we’re grown folks and all. Patience for me, is reserved for some youth approaching life. A need to not entertain/enable foolishness doesn’t necessarily equate to being afraid. I’m all for love and navigating through the novelty of, however there’s a fine line between the new new (with someone new….not necessarily new experiences) and bullcrap. Not afraid at all to have a go at unchartered territory with a new person but the bullcrap meter still keeps a running.

mytw♥tatas

August 4th, 2009
10:20 am

M. Marshall’s is a grrrreat analogy. Sometimes you have the patience for it, other times you go straight to zee mall. And uhm, please define Flakiness. Gracias!

PAGE EXACTLY on the grading curve. But I also see the glass of wine as half full, so…

SexyCool - If you knew the path I've traveled ...

August 4th, 2009
10:20 am

As to any flakiness in females that I have experienced or exhibited on the level that you all referring to, my experience has been that, just like in a romantic relationship people send their representatives, chicks can send their representatives to sistergirl relationships as well.

Then, over some time, I realize that your negative, whining, complaining, dragging me down, always broke, mooching ass has no place in my life.

OR

If I have a crisis/emergency/situation and call on you and you’re not there, that lets me know that you just dropped from friend status to associate. And I really don’t care to associate with that many folks that are not friends.

THE INFAMOUS DK

August 4th, 2009
10:20 am

ARED – Good Answer

AmazonRed™

August 4th, 2009
10:22 am

Hell, sometimes, I look at your blog posts and think, “Yeah, he’s really unstable today.”

There are manic depressive people in real life. They perhaps can post on blogs too.

Melo

August 4th, 2009
10:23 am

M is a lady,is she not??

Pretty Wings

August 4th, 2009
10:24 am

Hola!
I feel like doing the Salsa this morning….go figure.

@WD -Your topics; sound like you are in my head sometimes, seriously! LOL

I agree I am working on my patience. I’m usually able to discern rather quickly if someone is for me or not and because of that, I’ve developed some good frienships and business associates that would have made disaterous relationships. Although I’ve had to revisit it, I came to my “Great Therefore” along time ago on wasting my time.

Have a Great Day!

AmazonRed™

August 4th, 2009
10:24 am

ARED – Good Answer

DK – Thanks.

There is nothing wrong with dating and having a team and all that. But you can’t approach a woman and want to be taken seriously if you call sporatically, can’t make dates, etc because you are managing a roster. Women pick up on half-azzness and will respond in turn.

Start strong and the woman will either fall in line or get left behind! :lol:

Page1908

August 4th, 2009
10:25 am

LOL M.

LOL SexyCool @ stab, stab, stab. BTW, sorry…I mooched your wine opener from you and I still have it lol. I’ll have it today! *I swear, I am not a moocher* lmao

SexyCool - If you knew the path I've traveled ...

August 4th, 2009
10:25 am

Yes, Rell, really. Like yesterday, when you came on here talking about “b*tches who wanted to be friends.” I’m sure you were just venting. However, it read REALLY CRAZY.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 4th, 2009
10:25 am

M. – Take note of my moniker – livin my life like it’s golden so no need to remind me to RELAX!LOL!! You asked a question, I answered it, sorry you don’t care for my answer.LOL!!

DK – I did answer from a womans perspective – how can I answer about HIS dating experience? I don’t know what kinda vibe he’s giving off to the women he keeps meeting up with!!! But it must be something if everyone suddenly gets very BUSY when he meets up with them. Then its the women – they’re all FLAKEY now! Upgrade your selection process then!LOL!!!

Page1908

August 4th, 2009
10:25 am

LOL @ manic depressive.

M.

August 4th, 2009
10:26 am

@Ared: Good answer and I see what you mean.

@mytw♥tatas: Flakiness to me could be alot of things sending mixed signals, acting like you know someone, then disappearing like David Blaine its all based on who you ask.

I asked a friend what would happen in dating if everyone really kept it 100 with everyone and he said the truth….The CRIME RATE would go up. Some people just cant deal with the reality of someone not being interested in them etc…

Melo

August 4th, 2009
10:27 am

ARED…
flakky is what?? as in, “u see me now and now,u dont??”

is that it??

lurker

August 4th, 2009
10:27 am

But you can’t approach a woman and want to be taken seriously if you call sporatically, can’t make dates, etc because you are managing a roster. Women pick up on half-azzness and will respond in turn.

I can’t do the smiling emoticons but you should mentally see about 3 right about here—->

Page1908

August 4th, 2009
10:28 am

Dos Centavos- I agree with seeing the glass half full.

ARed- I agree with your 10:24.

AmazonRed™

August 4th, 2009
10:29 am

flakky is what?? as in, “u see me now and now,u dont??”

is that it??

melo – Yes. Generally flakiness means inconsistancy.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

August 4th, 2009
10:29 am

Melo – I think you might be confusing M. with M’karyl, who sometimes goes as M – it confused me at first too.

The Real Rell

August 4th, 2009
10:30 am

A focused man gets a focused effort

- WHY do people have this mindframe…this is flaky…why you waiting around to react to what i do or dont..DO YOU….its like i have to put on a show before you make a move…dont get it

why do we play on words..all/some/many/majority…we all know what we are trying to say – buddy – asked a question about whats up with the flaky behavior – from jump – women jump to say “i am not like that” or “its not me”…etc….so none of you have ever flaked on anyone?…let me be the first to say i have flaked and when i did it was a variety of reason….but bottom line was after i thought i made a good purchase the remorse set in and i was like a i am cool

can we all stop getting our panties in a bunch over wordplay…we(men) know that we have the creme de la creme on this blog and all negative or flakiness does not apply to you wonderful perfect women…we just need some guidance with dealing with these other wayward a$$ women out here….

THANKS!