Medicine for Melancholy
I had a busy but wonderful weekend at The National Black Arts Festival. Although I volunteered throughout the weekend at the festival, I found the time to partake in the festivities too! My favorite part was the Pan-African film festival of the NBAF that held a screening and Q & A discussion for the film, Medicine for Melancholy.
The film was way more than I expected and highlighted a myriad of interesting themes: race, gentrification, politics, and interracial dating and more. All starting with a one night stand between two strangers. (Watch the trailer)
I think what stood out for me most about the film was how the characters connected (well, after the awkwardness subsided) to one another and their reaction to that connection. The serendipity of their relationship is something that a lot of us kind of secretly wish for.
When you meet someone who seems like they are perfectly made for you, you may realize that you are ready or not ready for The One. I think a lot of us convince ourselves that we are then we get surprised when they show up. Are you prepared for the relationship you think that you want?
In one of the scenes of the film, Micah asks Jo, “How do you define yourself?” Pretty loaded question for a first date! Has anyone ever asked you this before? What would you say to that question on a date?
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389 comments Add your comment
MissQC
August 3rd, 2009
8:25 am
Good Morning Bloggers….have a great day everyone
Raqi...Accidentally by Design
August 3rd, 2009
9:06 am
How do I define myself???
I am Coca-Cola…the “Happy Accident”. My life took turns that I would not have ever expected or imagined, but the outcome is totally effing awesome.
Demi
August 3rd, 2009
9:41 am
WISE!!
Tell next time you see Cynthia Tucker…give her a hug for me.
Watch Mrs. Tucker shut this Bish down:
Michelle Malkin, Cynthia Tucker Spar Over Unemployment Benefits (VIDEO) [UPDATED]
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/02/michelle-malkin-cynthia-t_n_249520.html
Professor...in a great space
August 3rd, 2009
9:45 am
Happy Monday!
I hope everyone had a great weekend…I am ready to do it all over again, so I am counting down for the week. I did a lot of shopping, and enjoyed some good times and good food with some good people.
Nope I have never dated anyone that asked a question that deep or profound. I think most folks are so busy trying to make a first impression and “promote” themselves that they neglect getting into the person in front of them. Although I like for first dates to be light, fun and easy I would welcome a questions such as this one.
How do you define yourself?
I am a combination of a lot of things, and some of these things contradict. Sugar and spice, wisdom and foolishness, independent and dependent, soft as it relates to my feminine side but strong enough to handle anything. Most of all I define myself by my family history. I am not sure if I shared this with you all, but I have done some genealogy research and I have a very strong sense of my roots, which really defines me. At the end of the day my lineage is what I have and who I am, and the definition is written on my face (I look like my paternal side of the family) and it is written on my soul (I have the same personality etc.).
@Kimmie…ahhh the sangria! I feel like I owe you some money!
Professor...in a great space
August 3rd, 2009
9:50 am
Happy Monday,
Ok the blog is not feeling my post…I will try again later.
SexyCool is a way of life.
August 3rd, 2009
9:51 am
Three Words Daily – Intend your success.
Grace
August 3rd, 2009
9:55 am
Morning Folks & Happy Monday! I’m lurking from home, interesting topic Wise, I can’t wait to read everybody’s comments.
SexyCool is a way of life.
August 3rd, 2009
9:57 am
Definition of SexyCool – Eternal optimist. Her biggest fan. Her worst critic. Holds herself to impossible crazy standards of excellence. Knows that worrying will kill you – Does not worry. Sometimes, open. Sometimes, guarded. Learning patience. Performs self-evaluations at the wierdest times. Speaking of wierd, is wierd. Constantly participating in an internal dialogue that can sometimes cause me to lose focus on those around me. Strives to be continually conscious of the messages that I send out.
Perfectly imperfect.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 3rd, 2009
10:01 am
Morning good blog people!
Demi – I saw that yesterday – that Malkin is a super dummy!
Interesting topic-gotta think about it & come back.
The Real Rell
August 3rd, 2009
10:08 am
Are you prepared for the relationship you think that you want?
- had this convo with someone yesterday…like when do you decide to start acting like its a relationship..do you wait until you have the “talk” or do you start date one like this is the person i want to be with?
Professor...in a great space
August 3rd, 2009
10:19 am
Happy Monday!
Nope I have never dated anyone that asked a question that deep or profound. Although I like for my first dates to be light, fun and easy I would welcome a questions such as that one.
SexyCool is a way of life.
August 3rd, 2009
10:25 am
In my particular case, I decided to date him like he is The One.
The trick for me is to balance my “Darius-Lovehall-I-want-all-mine-now” instant gratification tendencies with just letting things flow and develop naturally.
But, I’m learning.
Kym-I am the mystery in the room
August 3rd, 2009
10:27 am
Good Morning All,
How do you define yourself? I don’t.
It is why I am sticking with the tagline I am the mystery in the room. One of my favorite “bubble gum” jams is Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. The first line of that song says..”I am unwritten, can’t read my mind, I’m undefine..Another lines says, I break traditions, sometimes my tries are outside the lines.. I don’t like being boxed in and I am learning not to box others in. I was talking with “the son” yesterday about this shirt I saw..”I am the Next..Me” I love it. Who else can be ME but ME.
W8©
August 3rd, 2009
10:34 am
I don’t pigeon hole myself with a standard “definition”
Deeva4Life
August 3rd, 2009
10:35 am
The trick for me is to balance my “Darius-Lovehall-I-want-all-mine-now” instant gratification tendencies with just letting things flow and develop naturally.
SexyCool, You hit the nail on the head with this one. This too is one of my issues. The crazy thing about it is, I start to question myself and start feeling like I’m doing too much then the next thing I know I’ve faded to the black all because I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I think all of my experiences have made me so paranoid…am I doing too much? Am I not doing enough? Am I doing it right? Did I come off the wrong way? And the list goes on. It’s like I don’t really know what “natural” is anymore so I think I shy away from it all. Maybe I’m not ready for what I think I want. Maybe more solo time is needed until I can get the confidence back to just do/be me…excepting that it will work for some and won’t for others.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 3rd, 2009
10:36 am
When my One came along, I was past ready. I was tired of the bs and had taken a break from dating for a little over a year to clear my head. If anyone had come along during that time I would have given them a shot, but they would have had to BRING IT. No one did, so I just chilled until I met my current SO, who has definitely BROUGHT IT and I have BROUGHT IT to him in return. All good.
I don’t define myself. I know what I stand for and what I like, what I need to improve on, what I need to cut out. I’m also constantly evolving and I would expect anyone I meet & spend time with to also. Life is about changing and learning. I could not deal with one who extremely set in their ways and rigid. If you want the definition of me, then take the time to get to know me. I can’t go any deeper than that today on this topic. And yeah, it’s a little deep for any date – in fact the question would irritate me if asked. Like I said, just get to know me.
Grace
August 3rd, 2009
10:37 am
Unlimited. That’s how I define myself. I’ve never been asked that question although it is a good question to ask a person to see how they see themselves. Asking that question after a one night stand, is a little too late, because no matter what you say his/her perception of you is already established.
Professor
August 3rd, 2009
10:38 am
Ok the blog is really not feeling me this morning…last attempt.
How do you define yourself?
I am a combination of a lot of things, and some of these things contradict. Sugar and spice, wisdom and folly, independent and dependent, soft and hard, friend and foe…
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 3rd, 2009
10:38 am
I don’t pigeon hole myself with a standard “definition”
W8 – Right on! How you doin, by the way?
Raqi...Accidentally by Design
August 3rd, 2009
10:40 am
Are you prepared for the relationship you think that you want?
This is why you have to wonder if most individuals even know what they truly want. Can we really handle what it is we think we want?
I was having brunch with a friend yesterday that I haven’t spent any time with in several months. She has sort of distanced herself from a clique of married women. She called me up on Saturday evening to see if I would like to get together on Sunday. Why not, she’s a friend. We sitting there talking and the subject of marriage came up. Although I am way out of line for thinking this, she is the friend that I have always said should stay as far away from marriage as she can. I have known her for many years and have witnessed her actions when it came to relationships.
She didn’t ask my opinion on her getting married but she asked my input on marriage itself. I told her the first and foremost thing is to make sure it’s what she wants. Being and staying married is work I’m telling you. When she asked for further clarification I told her to first think of the most mundane activities and daily chores and see if she could imagine doing those things with and for a mate.
More than not, when we as people think of relationships we focus in on all the good and happy. Spending countless hours with the one you love doing the things you love. Sex on demand. Daily companionship. Merging your funds likely creating better financial situations for both. But we often fail to consider spending countless hours with one person. Having someone in your bed every single night at every turn. Washing their dirty dishes and drawers every single day. Giving account to someone else when it comes to spending and buying.
Is this what you want? I know this is not textbook for every relationship and it’s not all that is involved but it is some of the stuff that I told her to consider. It’s part of my “I didn’t know/realize I signed up for this?” list.
And a lot of times when people get that “perfect thing” it can be quite overwhelming even in its goodness.
Are you prepared for the relationship you think that you want?
SexyCool is a way of life.
August 3rd, 2009
10:41 am
I would also add to my definition/description – forever evolving.
And just to throw in some humor – complex.
W8©
August 3rd, 2009
10:42 am
@Kimmie- I’m great, almost football time.
SexyCool is a way of life.
August 3rd, 2009
10:45 am
Deeva – I don’t get quite that worked up about it. LOL – Breathe. Shake. Let it go.
Speaking of football – Taz – I signed up for the Fantasy League last night and have posted the first official trash talking comment of the season. Prepare for defeat!!!!
Page1908- Queen of Taboo:)
August 3rd, 2009
10:46 am
I don’t think I could simply define myself.
The Real Rell
August 3rd, 2009
10:48 am
“Darius-Lovehall-I-want-all-mine-now” instant gratification tendencies
- you too….this is my number ONE problem
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 3rd, 2009
10:49 am
Raqi – I like your post. It breaks it down to the nitty-gritty. People need to ask this of themselves more often. A lot have in mind what they WANT in a mate, but do they have the same to offer? Do they want a person who is commited and marriage-minded in thought & deed, but they continually think/behave just the opposite? Then they really are not ready.
Demi
August 3rd, 2009
10:53 am
SexyCool…I need you to save that one…for poetry readings…I would love to see/hear how those words roll off your tongue…while sitting in the audience…with a few hundred folks.
Kimmie…here is the sad part; she’s no dummy at all. Just an empty…misguided soul.
Deeva4Life
August 3rd, 2009
10:55 am
SexyCool, LOL…I know right.
For Real
August 3rd, 2009
10:55 am
What up Blog Fam!
How do I define myself: Zipppppp j/k… I define myself as PEACE!
Raqi: “This is why you have to wonder if most individuals even know what they truly want.” – That is the firt step in life but often times it is the last step some take. People are good at figuring out what they don’t want but knowing what they do need/want is a complete mystery.
Kim: I understand what you are saying but you do define yourself and no one is “unwritten” because you are here.
Grace: “Asking that question after a one night stand, is a little too late, because no matter what you say his/her perception of you is already established.” – First if its a one nighter then there is no reason or purpose for that question. However, if two people decide to knock each other off on the first date don’t assume it will end up bad.
D4L: You read like you need to figure out what you need/want but in order to do that you have to be honest with yourself.
W8: Put the pigeon down… there is no such thing as standard or normal
Did someone steal Sunday? Monday moves faster that Usain Bolt.
Cemeeli
August 3rd, 2009
10:55 am
morning –
hmmmmm….okay Tazzee has NFLN on her set. I will bring my lobster dip and chips to her house for that first Falcons game.
Kimmie – Hey. Did you see Le-Le?
Demi
August 3rd, 2009
10:55 am
(I don’t think I could simply define myself.)
Or
You don’t want to at this point of your life.
sup…Page.
Raqi...Accidentally by Design
August 3rd, 2009
10:57 am
A lot have in mind what they WANT in a mate
Kimmie That there is a big part of the problem. With that perfect mate come things less desired in that mate. With that perfect mate comes relationship stuff.
I learned something while dating the Nature Guy. The perfect mate does not always make a good relationship companion. There are a lot of people that just look totally awesome from one dimension but are horrible at relationships.
Page1908- Queen of Taboo:)
August 3rd, 2009
10:58 am
Hey Demi! I probably could, I don’t know.
SexyCool is a way of life.
August 3rd, 2009
10:59 am
I answered the question from my background of teaching interviewing skills. One of the questions that is often asked in interviews is “Tell me about yourself.”
I teach my clients to prepare a summary statement that is 5 to 6 lines that sums up their professional experience, current skills and a brief mention of a goal.
I also believe that everyone should have an ‘elevator speech’ – a minute or two of dialogue about who you are and what you do. If an opportunity to promote yourself, your business, your goals arises, you don’t want to be searching for the words to say, you want to already have something prepared that paints your picture.
And neither of those can capture all of who you are, only a summary. And yes, we are talking about dating here, but shouldn’t we be able to say a few words to summarize ourselves?
Because in truth, we are all way too wonderful to ever be able to fully define. But I don’t mind taking a stab at a summary. ~laughing~
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 3rd, 2009
11:00 am
Sister Cee – Yeah, she did a good job! Thanks for the tip! My toes look nice too!
Demi
August 3rd, 2009
11:03 am
Page…I haven’t defined myself as of yet.
God is not through with me yet.
Melo
August 3rd, 2009
11:04 am
HAHAHA Raqi!! with ur 10.40
dont they(some) call that slavery over here??
howdiee folks!!
chillin over here….
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 3rd, 2009
11:06 am
Don’t really mean to change the subject, but I have a question for the blog. Yesterday, my SO’s next-door neighbor asked me when I was moving in. I played it off and really didn’t answer it, but I thought it was a rather personal question.
I don’t believe in shacking, unless a proposal & wedding date are in place. Especially that this man has children and we want to set a good example. He feels the same way.
Anyway, how would you guys have answered it?
Deeva4Life
August 3rd, 2009
11:07 am
ForReal my post was me being honest with myself. I realize the problem and the solution…I need to extend time with me before I can get with someone. I need to let go of past experiences and realize that those just weren’t meant to be…doesn’t mean that it will never happen just not with those individuals. I know what I need and know what I don’t want, but when you deal with all the bs that’s out there it does make one question “is it me”? That’s all I was trying to say in my post. But I appreciate your .02
Page1908- Queen of Taboo:)
August 3rd, 2009
11:07 am
That’s true Demi. I’d like to think that I am evolving constantly. My experiences with different people and situations shape the person I am.
Demi
August 3rd, 2009
11:08 am
I also believe that everyone should have an ‘elevator speech’ – a minute or two of dialogue about who you are and what you do. If an opportunity to promote yourself, your business, your goals arises, you don’t want to be searching for the words to say, you want to already have something prepared that paints your picture.
I was taught that as well…It help me to become a tri-state playa in one point of my life…Watch Wisdom (what I call her) call me in 5, 4, 3…LOL
Demi
August 3rd, 2009
11:08 am
>>>at one point
SexyCool is a way of life.
August 3rd, 2009
11:09 am
Kimmie – I would have just said what you said, “Oh, that’s way too personal to discuss.” along with a side eye and moved on…
Kym-I am the mystery in the room
August 3rd, 2009
11:10 am
@For Real are you really going to attempt to tell me who I think I am? Just because I am here has nothing to do with defining me. Physically we are all here. This keyboard is here, glass is here, water here.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 3rd, 2009
11:11 am
Raqi – To your 10:57 – I agree. That’s why I hate it when people criticize someone for turning down a “perfectly good man/woman”. They may look good on paper or from the outside, but not be great for a relationship. Or maybe just not a relationship with YOU! Two men come to mind that were great guys, wonderful people, but were awful boyfriends to me. One even admitted to me he just wasn’t good at it!
Raqi...Accidentally by Design
August 3rd, 2009
11:11 am
but shouldn’t we be able to say a few words to summarize ourselves?
SexyCool you would think. Maybe those we can’t truly can’t. Or don’t know how or where to begin.
One thing I find to be true is how we see or define ourselves is not always how others see us and sometimes others have a better view or picture of who we are.
I was at friend’s house once and we were playing a “game” where every one had to write down something describing every one else in the room. I was most amazed by what my own mate said about me. He obviously was justified in his thoughts about me having dealt with me very closely for several years.
A good exercise for a lot of us would be to have someone really close to us give their definition of who they say you are and then compare it to your own. Writing it down simultaneously is ideal because then no answer would influence or provoke a response from the other.
~Red~ New to the A
August 3rd, 2009
11:14 am
Good morning…I hate Mondays…
Idk if I could really define myself at the moment. After some thought Im sure I could come up with something, although Im not sure I’d want to hear what I had to say lol.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
August 3rd, 2009
11:14 am
SCool – Yeah, it was a little much I thought. SO’s daughter plays with her daughter and I was over there to pick her up. I don’t want to set a bad tone or alienate her, but come on!
Raqi...Accidentally by Design
August 3rd, 2009
11:14 am
Kimmie I would have answered that question with a “huh?”.
Demi
August 3rd, 2009
11:15 am
I’d like to think that I am evolving constantly…I would be nice if more people were evolving as well…Nope, life doesn’t work that way…See: Michelle Malkin for more imformation.