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Archive for July, 2009

No Chemistry, No Chance

One of the random things about dating is finding out who we actually are drawn to vs who we aren’t. I know many of us have had people who are interested in us, yet we don’t have the same attraction to them.  Is it a cruel twist of fate? Does it mean we are always drawn to the wrong people at the wrong time?

I have met guys who from one standpoint (um, my mother’s) should be ideal matches for me. Yet, when I am with them it’s zero chemistry. Zilch, nada, not even a mini-spark. Now, this begs the question: if we convince ourselves that we need chemistry to be drawn to a person, why is chemistry so inexplicable?

Do you think that you have no chance at a relationship when the chemistry is not there? Do you have a definition for romantic chemistry? Have you experienced it firsthand?

What happens when you miscalculate the chemistry? When the chemistry is gone, do you follow it out the door?

Happy Monday!

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Okay Awesome

Just when I set my sights on relocating to San Diego, Atlanta offers something so tempting that makes me want to stay forever! Aside from the great weather, restaurants, culture, and good looking people, Atlanta is now considered a sexually satisfied city.

Oh, it’s not just Sex in the City, people. It’s Great Sex in the City! Who knew?! As I read the article, I was mildly amused by the “unscientific” study that was sponsored by Trojan, of course. Who are the people they surveyed? Married or single? Committed or casual relationships? What, specifically made their intimacy so satisfying?

What do you think about the study? Does it make you want to move to Houston, the only city more satiated than Atlanta?

What about the people who rated their satisfaction level low? What happens when it’s not scratching the itch, so to speak? How would one broach the subject with their partner? Would your approach depend on the nature of the relationship?

Happy Friday!

Continue reading Okay Awesome »

You Will Know

It is always so interesting to hear what people say whenever I ask a couple the moment they realized it was love. I’ve heard the sweetest, most random, and sometimes bizarre things. A friend of mine said she knew when her then boyfriend chastised his relative for using excessive profanity around her.

A newly married man told me he knew when he walked her dog, and stressed the fact that it was not a manly dog. The fact that he risked ridicule and possible humiliation for carrying a white furry pet wearing his sheriff’s uniform? It was a wrap.

If you are single, chances are you have heard everyone and their Momma (no, literally their MOTHERS) tell you: you will know. If it’s the right person that you are meant to be with, you will know. You just will. It’s exciting and annoying, all at once. The anticipation of getting that feeling one day is kind of addictive, even if the odds seem stacked against you!

Do you agree with the belief that you will know? In your opinion, how will …

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Open Mouth, Insert Foot

I’ve learned that when you are dating a young guy, sometimes they will say something…well, stupid. There’s no malicious intent or ulterior motive behind it, the guy just blurts things he really shouldn’t. I’m trying to be understanding and I’m sure I have my own “open mouth, insert foot” moments too. The interesting part of it all is that he is completely oblivious until he sees a look of unbelief on my face.

Ladies, you have to explain to men when they say something crazy to you. If you don’t, you can’t complain about it later. It’s best to address it when he says something that bothers you.

Have you ever had an embarrasing moment with someone you are dating? Did they say something or do something that embarrassed or humiliated you?

Have you ever dated someone that has absolutely no filter? I’m talking about the tactless, thoughtless type that should to take a crash course on How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Have you ever said something to someone that you wish you …

Continue reading Open Mouth, Insert Foot »

Wealthy Men Do It Better? Seriously!?

A reader sent me a very interesting article that puts a new spin on the appeal of men with money. Yes, the researchers have spoken (again) and apparently rich men provide more of everything, if you get what I’m saying.

I don’t know how much I actually agree with this. What does this say about the link between money and physical intimacy? What do you think, is “money the ultimate aphrodisiac?”

Ladies, we all know that we seek security in men, does this happen to add to the bedroom activity too? Have you ever noticed a difference in your man’s “performance” when he is having financial difficulty?

Guys, do you agree with the thesis? Do you perform your best when you have more money in the bank? You know what they say, more money, more problems. Does the saying mean that is added pressure on you to perform in life and the bedroom?

Continue reading Wealthy Men Do It Better? Seriously!? »

Do I Know You?

After reading reports that have emerged about the young lady that killed Steve McNair, I couldn’t help but feel sad for the girl.  Like Ms. Kazemi, I think that there are many of us who are dealing with stress and anxiety but we never show it outwardly. The person we are dating could be under a tremendous amount of pressure and we don’t truly know what it’s about or how they are dealing with it.

When it comes to new relationships, how much do we really share with one another? We would probably be apprehensive to divulge the personal secrets and private matters because it would run the person off.  At what point do you let someone in?

Sometimes being too guarded and mysterious hinders a new relationship, and in Mcnair’s case it was deadly. How well do you know the person you are seeing? When do they gain access?

I remember when I was seeing a guy for a few weeks and purposely being vague about where my office was located. He kept wanting to come take me to lunch, insisting that …

Continue reading Do I Know You? »

Dating in the Dark

After watching VH1’s Tough Love, I swore off dating reality shows until the next season airs. Now I find out that there is a completely wacky new dating show set to air on ABC called Dating in the Dark. This takes blind date to a totally new, completely terrifying level!

The cast will have to actually use their *gasp* personality to appeal to each other. When I think about the concept of totally relying on your personality before looks to attract a mate, I think I would fare pretty well. You put me in front of a blind folded man and I am pretty sure he would be impressed and pleased with my personality. How many of us could actually make a man or woman become completely smitten without knowing what you look like?

This also makes me curious about why so many people who try online dating often put up the hottest pictures with little to no personal information. Do they assume that their looks would be enough to garner interest? Is that the type of single people they really want …

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Broke, Cheap, or Not Into You?

I have heard many single women say that they are becoming more flexible when it comes to dating men in a recession. Although, they are more lenient about a lot of things some are beginning to think it may backfire. One of my friends said that she did not want to look up later and discover she is with Mr. Cheap. We are all buckling down and trimming the fat out of our budget, especially if we have solid financial goals.

How do you distinguish between who is being fiscally responsible and who is outright cheap? There are a lot of ways to date and mingle without spending loads of money, we’ve gone over that a lot. I wonder though, is being cheap grounds for dumping?

I had a guy ask me out to a movie, then later called and said that he could not afford to pay for both of us. He said that he still wanted to go, so I agreed to meet him there and pay for myself. I honestly thought it was one of those “how spoiled is she” tests that men toss at me. I didn’t behave like a diva …

Continue reading Broke, Cheap, or Not Into You? »

Waiting for the shoe to drop

Some people seem to have the toughest time handling happiness. You are dating someone new or in a new relationship and things are going really great. You are in a perpetual honeymoon phase, seeing each other almost every single day with no end in sight.  Suddenly, from some inexplicable reason there is tension, drama, and uncertainty between you two. You are thinking, “What just happened here?”

Yesterday, we discussed the cold, broken hearts that are walking around wounded. Today, let’s discuss the people who subconsciously torpedo relationships. Why? Probably out of fear or insecurity. Some people really don’t think they deserve happiness on some level. That is why people stay in relationships that they should not be in. It’s also why they leave relationships they should stay in.

Have you ever dated someone who created drama in the relationship? Have you ever wondered why they seemed to want the relationship to be complicated and painful?

Are you guilty of self-sabotaging …

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You’re So Cold

I think the toughest part of dealing with heartbreak is realizing that part of you gets so jaded. After you have given your all in a relationship, you have to actively work on not letting it make you bitter about love. I think there are many wounded souls and broken hearts that probably don’t realize how cold they are toward romance.

It’s what happens when good girls go bad. It’s how bad boys are made, it’s called post-heartbreak behavior.  The things you start to do as a direct result of having your heart broken. From dating or sleeping with B-list people you have no future with, to acting cold and ambiguous to anyone who expresses an interest in you.

Instead of taking a break from dating, the walking wounded starts to wreak havoc and cause their own destruction! How do you spot them though? How can you tell when someone is not emotionally open to having a relationship?

Have you ever met someone who was jaded about love and romance, yet still wanted to date around and hook …

Continue reading You’re So Cold »