Crossed the Line, Now What?
I read somewhere that every healthy relationship has boundaries. That invisible line in the sand that you would never cross, under no circumstances. Riddle me this, what happens to the boundaries when you are in love? Why is it that otherwise normal people toss out their logic and reasoning when they are head over heels?
It’s like being caught up in “the haze of love” completely blinds one to their boundaries. The next thing you know, you are hacking email accounts, looking at text messages, or something equally psycho. Would you be able to get past your date’s behavior if they crossed your relationship boundaries? Did you regret it?
My friend Paul said that he once forgave a young lady for looking through the photos on his laptop without asking. That was just one sign of how nosy and insecure she was about his female friends. They dated for a while but he thinks that the photo thing was a red flag that he ignored.
Have you ever crossed the line with someone you were dating? Did they give you another chance?
My friend D. Young coined the term relationship boiling points, recently. Those things that can send you over the edge. I can think of a couple that a guy would never recover from. Then there are the ones that can be dealt with and I can be won over again. After a little begging and a trip to the Apple store or something!
What are your relationship boiling points?
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
386 comments Add your comment
Demi
July 31st, 2009
2:42 pm
jamoca/Grace…I don’t know crap about making gumbo…I am on the lazy side…When I had that pot, i was quick to throw in some blue/snow crabs, cobbs of corn, tiger shrimps, crawfishs, conch, red potato, SMALL red snappas (WHOLE), squids (don’t judge me!), and my New Orleans crab boil (powder form) mix.
Fugg wit!!!
Raqi...My Sleep Number is 75
July 31st, 2009
2:43 pm
Can’t nobody
wherewear that.Raqi...My Sleep Number is 75
July 31st, 2009
2:45 pm
Grace if they can sell you a 100% area of flooring for 40% of the cost, then it’s already 65% overpriced.
Demi
July 31st, 2009
2:46 pm
Instead of rice, I order lo mein noddles from the hood chinese folks.
Jamoca
July 31st, 2009
2:53 pm
Demi – thanks for the confession, but I already figured that. Lawd, help you…you don’t know any better. LOL …and here’s a quick question for you: Which pots are the best ones to cook in? Meaning the brand new ones (expensive ones included) or those great big ones that are already “broken in” for you? Hmmmmm
MyTwo – Well you’re in a sunshiney mood aren’t cha? Just carried ya’ joy on over into Friday, huh chica?
Ms. Main – I’m diggin’ ya kumbaya moment at 1:48, chick.
Raqi – Twilight was pretty intriguing….not half bad. I was surprised that I liked it myself. My daughter talked me into watching it with her. So it’s no surprise that she’s all geared up for the sequel…and yes, she wants me to take her to see it on a little Mom/daughter night out.
Demi
July 31st, 2009
2:55 pm
I only did that once in a while…it cost dang near a hundred dollars to buy all the stuff.
Raqi...My Sleep Number is 75
July 31st, 2009
2:55 pm
Just like if you buy an original $5.00sqft quality of carpet for $2.00sqft, they will increase the price of padding and installation to make their money and then some.
Always ask for a breakdown of cost. And always get a cost for delivery only versus delivery and installation at the same time.
Grace
July 31st, 2009
2:58 pm
WOW Raqi I never thought of it like that..thanks for the heads up.
Demi
July 31st, 2009
2:59 pm
(those great big ones that are already “broken in”)
I know that…I just wanted my owe pot…I will learn to make gumbo one day, LOL
the pot was good for cooking king crabs during the winter.
Grace
July 31st, 2009
3:00 pm
Demi see you’re moving too fast lol, you’re suppose to slowly throw in your ingredients, other than that it sounds about right
Jamoca
July 31st, 2009
3:03 pm
Demi – No okra? LAYSW
Mo (aka Moeisha-)
July 31st, 2009
3:03 pm
Okay now we are talking about big pots?? I dont own one and no I aint ashamed to say it. LOL! Its only me & Lil Mo so why bother. When the time comes for me to cook like that, I will buy a big pot!
Beautiful
July 31st, 2009
3:04 pm
crossing the line for me would be (when getting to know someone): looking in my purse, looking in my glove box, medicine cabinet, showing up at my door w/o calling first, answering my cell or seeing who is ringin’ ya gurl.
Grace
July 31st, 2009
3:04 pm
I have a rice pot, fry chicken pot, fish/shrimp pan,collards pot, misc pot and lawdy lawdy they are all seasoned just right…I need a pressure cooker pot, my dad make the best stew beef in his PC pot.
Grace
July 31st, 2009
3:06 pm
looking in my purse, @ Beautiful I don’t allow my kids to look in my purse/pocket book.
Poppa Grande
July 31st, 2009
3:08 pm
Raqi
They use old shoe soles to make tracks, basketball courts, and other things for playgrounds. The rubber has more give and is easier on the kid’s knees.
The Cash for Clunkers program was about getting higher emissions and lower fuel conserving vehicles off of the road. Any vehicle under 18 mpg (brand new) was considered a clunker and the program was to be an incentive to get people into more fuel efficient cars.I’m sure that selling cars was also a reason for the program. Trying to kill two birds with 1 stone. If no stipulations, foolish people will use the funds to get Hummers and Land Cruisers.
Raqi
July 31st, 2009
3:09 pm
It’s it funny the things we place more value on over our own bodies??? And hearts.
Beautiful
July 31st, 2009
3:11 pm
@GRACE
me 2. my babies know they have to have mommy’s permission first.
have a fab w/e bloggers! back to work i go.
Jamoca
July 31st, 2009
3:12 pm
Demi – So you don’t know naythin’ bout that roux? Sometimes I throw it in…sometimes I don’t…depends on how I feel about it. Deep dark or light roux…all depends.
I own all sizes…(regarding pots)…love my big old ones (they’re broken in just right too), but the newer ones are for transfering.
Mo (aka Moeisha-)
July 31st, 2009
3:20 pm
Jamoca – I didnt even bother learning to make gumbo when I was married. The Ex is from the Boot and since his people live about 7mins from me I just call and ask “can you make me some gumbo?” LOL!
Raqi
July 31st, 2009
3:22 pm
Why do folks who are already living together (2,3,4 years) when deciding to get married create this freaking ginormous expensive damn registry of all the stuff they could have bought while already living together?
Raqi
July 31st, 2009
3:22 pm
Poppa that sign on that bin clearly states that the shoes you give will be shoes for someone else less fortuante to wear. They even have a picture of a little boy proudly wearing some dirty old worn shoes. The ones he had on looked way better than the ones I saw that day in the bin though.
My mom taught me not give anyone anything you would not wear or want your ownself. If it’s spotted and raggedy put it in the trash. Don’t give it someone else.
And I understand the Cash for Clunkers, I was stating that abc’s comment made me think of those shoes…the Clunkers.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 31st, 2009
3:26 pm
My mom taught me not give anyone anything you would not wear or want your ownself.
Raqi – Same here. Don’t have many folks raised like that anymore. Or they were/are and don’t put it into practice.
Grace
July 31st, 2009
3:27 pm
hmmm Raqi that’s something to ponder on….I guess it goes hand in hand with why do people even live together 2,3,10 years and then decide to get married. IMO if you’re already living together that long you’re already married you just need to make it legal and uphold it in the eyes of the Lord.
Raqi
July 31st, 2009
3:29 pm
Uh actually it does not go hand in hand with why bother to get married.
Poppa Grande
July 31st, 2009
3:29 pm
Raqi
They even have a picture of a little boy proudly wearing some dirty old worn shoes.
That is just trashy. However, I guess that if your have no shoes and walking on the hot summer asphalt you’d appreciate any “piece o’shoe”that you could get. After all, I see people digging in trash cans to eat the stuff that others throw away.
Grace
July 31st, 2009
3:31 pm
right Raqi…it’s all to complex for me. I guess there are somethings are open ended questions.
Demi
July 31st, 2009
3:31 pm
Grace…I do the veggie first…I was just thinking of all the ingredients I end up add as time goes on.
Jamoca, I am just learning how to cook and what type of pot does what…Heck, I have some seasoning in my cabinet I don’t even know what they’re for, LOL.
And yes I use okra…regardless…I am still learning.
Grace
July 31st, 2009
3:33 pm
IMO I don’t think most people aren’t just satified with just living together, at some point you’re going to want to get married and when you do, you’ll want all the glitz that comes with it.
Raqi
July 31st, 2009
3:34 pm
Poppa I am all for helping and I think the shoe bin is a good thing. But don’t give people trash just because they are less fortunate. That one pair of shoes in that bin were rag-ge-dy. There were some others in there that were in good shape. Both that one pair…just horrible.
Jamoca
July 31st, 2009
3:34 pm
Mo – sounds convenient to me! Actually my childhood friend and her family are from N.O. I would spend plenty weekends with them on the base and her mother taught me how to make it…I was about 14/15 at the time. She’d just pull me to the side and show me little by little, till I had it downpat (to include several other dishes). But between my great grand, grand, ma, aunts…they had me doing all sorts of things since pre-k. Thing about it…once I’ve done all that work, I seldom want to eat. Too tired…but very seldom is there a lot to put away at the family gatherings. Them folks ain’t no joke. Lol
Jamoca
July 31st, 2009
3:38 pm
Demi – LOL. I understand…b/c whatever it is you’re still learning, I can bet Lil Ms. Demi will be more than happy to teach you!…just please don’t hurt her with the shellfish, k?
Raqi
July 31st, 2009
3:41 pm
Danggit where did Cemeeli go with my baby? I asked her to hold her for one minute (4 hours ago)…I gotz to go to the store.
Cemeeli imma go upstairs and grab my purse, I’ll get Elizabeth on the way out the door.
You all have a good one.
Mo (aka Moeisha-)
July 31st, 2009
3:41 pm
Jamoca – okay I thought I was the only one that would cook and then not even want what I’ve cooked once Im done. Sometimes too tired, sometimes I just no longer want it! LOL!
DrinkSlinger
July 31st, 2009
3:41 pm
In Response to Raqi’s first post:
Taking for granted… Oh how that can be subjective. From a mans point of view I know that a lot of women don’t appreciate the things a man does for them because they aren’t the things they want. For example: I cook in my house. Everday. Every meal. I don’t necessarily do this for me, I can deal with sandwiches and fast food for the most part. Don’t get me wrong, I love a NY Strip or a Pot Roast as much as the next guy, but I wouldn’t put in so much effort for just me. I cook because my wife loves my cooking and it pleases her. Now, I know she would rather me give her bubble baths and chocolate to show my appreciation, and I do it occasionaly, but I consider my cooking (and fixing things and mowing and yada yada yada) to be my way of showing it. It’s a man thing. We are providers by nature (it’s the animal instinct in us) so that tends to be how we show our affection and appreciation… By providing.
Also, women tend to want in a fairy tale sort of way. It’s the romance novel syndrome. Women want the rest of our lives to be like they were the first month we were dating, while a lot of men are happy in the comfort of a lasting arrangement. The newness wears off. It’s a fact. Granted, in my case at least, it is replaced by comfort (which in my opinion is a lot better) but it still wears off. Ladies, I ask you this: Go to your closet and pick out that pair of jeans that you love but haven’t worn in a while. Now, make yourself feel about them like you did when you first bought them. You know, all excited about a pair of jeans that fit just right. You can’t. The newness has worn off. It has been replaced by an appreciation for the jeans, a happiness for all of the times your @ss looked good in them, but the same feeling isn’t there. Not to say the new feeling is worse than the first, I think it’s better.
We have to have realistic goals in marraige. Just because your husband isn’t telling you everyday that he adores and appreciates you doesn’t mean he isn’t showing it. Sometimes you just have to open your eyes to see it.
Now to get to the point of the article. For me, the boundary is cheating. I have a wonderful wife who trusts me so I don’t have to worry about her checking on me. And I have given her full right to do so. But if she were to cheat on me I couldn’t forgive her. That is my line.
Have a great weekend!
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 31st, 2009
3:43 pm
Grace/Raqi – Speaking of living together, did any of you hear the Strawberry letter on Steve Harvey this morning? A woman wrote in complaining that she had lived with a dude for 26 years and was mad because he won’t marry her! Said he does not want a commitment! She said he won’t put her name on the house, bought her a car to get to work but it’s in his name. Said he wanted to see how she took care of the car before he put her name on it or she could pay him $1500 and he would do it. Complaining cause he charges her $300 a month plus groceries. Said he told her it was his house & his stuff and if she didn’t like how he ran things she could step!
abc
July 31st, 2009
3:47 pm
You can buy a brand new Chevy truck that gets 15/20 through the Clunkers program. It’s nothing but a handout to provide cheaper new cars for consumers and tax money into the car industry. I think it sucks; if people can’t buy a car, or don’t really need one, why use this amount of tax money to subsidize something they don’t need or can’t afford? If the desire is to have greener cars, then force alternative energy on car manufacturers, and get away from oil. This isn’t a green initiative; it’s an economic stimulous initiative. Calling it green is simply politicians being their normal disingenuous selves.
mytw♥cents
July 31st, 2009
3:48 pm
JAMOCA Just tryna keep my mind on how much I’m Blessed – it reduces my stress. You know I always Hope for the BEST, so negativity is not allowed, especially on a Friday…
Hope those Tampa rains haven’t stirred up any storms that ya can’t tame.
Demi
July 31st, 2009
3:52 pm
Jamoca..k
Poppa Grande
July 31st, 2009
3:54 pm
abc
18 mpg is the lowest mpg not 15.
And it doesn’t qualify you for the most discount.
http://www.cars.com/go/advice/Story.jsp?section=buy&story=cash-for-clunkers&subject=clunkers
Leggs
July 31st, 2009
3:54 pm
@Kimmie, I heard that crappy letter this morning. She’s now fed up w/her relationship. 26 years later. She had already given ole dude the blueprint to the makings of the relationship probably in year 2. He knew what he had and how he could manipulate her. She has to pay him rent. WTF is that. He has her in such a chokehold she can’t see straight. She’s too blame for not having backbone sooner to do what’s right for her. Perhaps her writing that letter and reading it back to herself will help to see what’s clearly already there. He doesn’t give a rat’s arse about her! She’s shown him far too long just how much of a weak, lowly woman she is and how tolerable she if of his shortcomings!
Grace
July 31st, 2009
3:55 pm
Kimmie that’s where so many women go wrong by being the only one in a relationship, tryna make it work all by ourselves. There is no relationship until both parties agree there is one no matter how much time you spend together, how much money he spends on you, even how much he says he loves you, until he says the words we are in a commtted exclusive relationship and you agree, you are not in one. As for the writer of the strawberry letter my heart goes out to her because she probably will never get the man that she wants to marry her. She needs to accept it and move on. She is a kept woman with lots of lines she can’t cross.
Demi
July 31st, 2009
3:55 pm
Mo/Jamoca…I think the aroma while cooking, some how tricks your body into thinking you’re full….my experience from cooking
Demi
July 31st, 2009
3:55 pm
I am OUT!!!!
abc
July 31st, 2009
3:58 pm
I’ll try reposting — this thing ate my last one. AJC, the likely reason it does that is when the PHP code gets 2 simultaneous submissions, losing one or both/all of them.
You can get a new Chevy truck with Clunkers, 15/20 MPG. It’s not a Green initiative, it’s a stimulous initiative. Words to the contrary originate in politicians’ usual mendacity, er ah, ability to relate to the public.
Poppa Grande
July 31st, 2009
4:00 pm
abc
It is a dual initiative.
I am not a big fan of it either, but I can look at it objectively.
And alternative energy cars are really expensive. That GM car called Volt (electric car) is going to start at $30,000. Talk about not being accessible to those who cannot afford it.
Poppa Grande
July 31st, 2009
4:04 pm
abc
I just talked to a friend at Bellamy Strickland in McDonough. Chevy pickup that gives 15 mpg does not qualify. 18 is the lowest for a pickup/suv.
Why does it have to be either a stimulus or green initiative? Dual intent is possible.
Melo
July 31st, 2009
4:04 pm
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/worklife/07/31/camper.work.search/index.html
count ur blessings!!
My mom taught me not give anyone anything you would not wear or want your ownself
same here!
Queen wanted to donate this clunker we have to our church.Problem?,she was in a minor accident with it,way back,so it needs some body work coz it chews way more gas coz of that friction on the body.Otherwise it drives good.I took it to the body repair shop 2 yrs ago and they wanted 3/4 grand to mend it.I said phluck it!!!,so it says on my yard till i can think of some else.Hello africa!!..
I told Queen,why saddle the poor church with an expensive machine?? quit the thoght!
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 31st, 2009
4:11 pm
Leggs/Grace – If she’s working full time, $300 a month plus groceries is not a lot. So over 26 years she should have quite a stash put away if she played her cards right. That way, she’s in the drivers seat in her own life if she chooses to leave him. It would not matter if her name was not on the house or car. If something happened to him, she would not have any obligations! He would have done her a favor. But I bet that is not the case.
If she’s gone 26 years without a ring, no use ranting about it now. Like Steve Smith said, it was something that kept her there all these years so she has only herself to blame. No, at this point the major problem I would have with him is the crappy way he treats her & talks down on her. But hey, you teach people how to treat you!
Grace
July 31st, 2009
4:15 pm
you teach people how to treat you! @ Kimmie ur exactly right!