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Crossed the Line, Now What?

I read somewhere that every healthy relationship has boundaries. That invisible line in the sand that you would never cross, under no circumstances. Riddle me this, what happens to the boundaries when you are in love? Why is it that otherwise normal people toss out their logic and reasoning when they are head over heels?

It’s like being caught up in “the haze of love” completely blinds one to their boundaries. The next thing you know, you are hacking email accounts, looking at text messages, or something equally psycho. Would you be able to get past your date’s behavior if they crossed your relationship boundaries? Did you regret it?

My friend Paul said that he once forgave a young lady for looking through the photos on his laptop without asking. That was just one sign of how nosy and insecure she was about his female friends. They dated for a while but he thinks that the photo thing was a red flag that he ignored.

Have you ever crossed the line with someone you were dating? Did they give you another chance?

My friend D. Young coined the term relationship boiling points, recently.  Those things that can send you over the edge. I can think of a couple that a guy would never recover from. Then there are the ones that can be dealt with and I can be won over again. After a little begging and a trip to the Apple store or something!

What are your relationship boiling points?

386 comments Add your comment

Яaqi…And I repeat “I am not to be taken for granted!”

July 31st, 2009
8:47 am

Yes we tend to be a little more tolerant when we find ourselves really into someone. We tend have broader allowance when blinded by infatuation.

I don’t know if it is that I looked the other way during the early years or if mi marido is actually more forward in his actions since he’s “got me” now. Either way I make it my business to derail such blatant actions of presumptuousness.

The problem??? He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t see himself doing it.

A small portion of a recent situation…

Me: Mason you are doing it again.

Mason: Doing what? What am I doing?

Me: Taking me for granted.

Mason: How? You keep saying that but how am I taking you for granted?

Me: Because you…yada, yada, yada

Mason: What?

By this time the discussion is no longer about what he did but has turned to the great debate as to whether or not he is actually aware of what he does.

That hits pretty close to my boiling point because I wonder why he doesn’t realize he is doing it. Outside of the fact that he can sometimes be a pretentious arsehole. But you know what he clearly understands or gets?…that I am being unreasonable and unfair when I don’t his grungy smug paws on me after he has tried to take me for granted. You can my “wrong” but not your own???

There are other things but this is where I am bright and early this morning…

Professor

July 31st, 2009
8:57 am

Happy Friday!

Interesting topic, as for relationship boiling points I am pretty simple, so here’s my list:

1. I do not deal with guys that show abusive behavior (mentally, physically or verbally). I think I mentioned before the guy who told me that I talk a lot of junk and he could see himself choking me, and he said, “Don’t get alarm because I know CPR.”

2. I do not deal with guys that present conflicting stories otherwise known as a lot of lies: not claiming their children, lying about their education (claiming he graduated from one college, but actually attended somewhere else) and other dumb stuff.

3. I do not deal with guys that are control freaks I feel they are abusive and manipulative…

4. I do not deal with guys that have crazy current girlfriends (if it is an ex I want to see the restraining order before I entertain him as well). There is nothing like dealing with a psycho trying to get tabs on her man. The chick should get at her man, because if he is hers (possessive) she should know the answer. Yea I know it is not the man’s fault, but something has to be said for why the chick is crazy…is the beanie weenie that good or did he mislead her? Whatever the answer is my car tires are too important to take the risk. :-x

Off topic: Has anyone (or know someone) that has taken advantage on the cash for clunkers deal? I hear they are running out of $$$ and I wanted to check into it…for some reason a car is whispering my name.

Professor

July 31st, 2009
9:03 am

Wow…I did not mean for my post to be that long…I really am pretty simple either it is a go or a no go. I do not have a lot of in between area and I do not think my list is that long, but I failed to mention respect which is huge…I have been turned off by how a guy treated others…I find it a turnoff when a guy calls women bytches etc. So please add that to the boiling list…all of the snooping and stuff I never really had a guy do that except for one and I will not share that story because I am embarrassed for him.

Яaqi…And I repeat “I am not to be taken for granted!”

July 31st, 2009
9:09 am

Yeah dating I would have a problem with a guy looking thru my personal emails and files. That is crossing the line. I mention the other day about a guy looking in my medicine cabinet but that didn’t bother me too much. I would take great offense to someone hacking an account or breaking into something to get information. There is no forgiveness to be offered there.

Other line crossers, talking down to me. Talking down to or about my kids. Standing me up without the courtesy of a phone call.

One offense that I can recall that actually was allowed to be made right a time or two, and this only worked with a certain person, the pretentious arsehole, but it’s inviting me over yet removing yourself from the space and leaving me alone. Especially when I postponed something equally important to spend time with you. You knew you were moody before I came over. We could have planned for another day. But like I said he was allowed to make it right. Like WD mentioned, some earnest pleading, a nice consolation gift (shopping, weekend getaway, etc.)

Яaqi…And I repeat “I am not to be taken for granted!”

July 31st, 2009
9:40 am

There are obvious no-brainers like abuse of any kind, cheating, stealing that are for many and should be for more line-crossers. But we all know that.

It’s the little ones like the snooping, the unauthorized use of cell phones and computers, the showing up unannounced time and time again, the extreme habitual tardiness and more like those that we sometimes allow passes for given some circumstances also depending on how much we like the person.

But it’s like a balloon. You can only fill it with so much air before it burst. Every relationship has its balloon. Even the good and healthy ones. This is a matter where flaccid is better than the alternative. Don’t let it build up. Let more air out than you allow to be injected.

SexyCool - Coasting

July 31st, 2009
9:41 am

Three Words Daily – Don’t stop believing.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit says O is for Oochie :-)

July 31st, 2009
9:42 am

Have you ever crossed the line with someone you were dating? Did they give you another chance?

One of my cardinal dating rules is to NEVER cross those lines….I don’t hack email accounts or cell phones and I don’t snoop around b/c I wouldn’t want that done to me and I know that,me being me, all sorts of helll would pop off. Have I been tempted to YES but out of mutual respect I haven’t. Now I’ve had this dont to me by an ex who tried very hard to control me.

Long story short I left him at my apartment downtown while I was at work one night only for me to return to find that he’d rifled through some of my personal things found a letter from a highschool friend and some pics they sent and tore them all up into little pieces and left them in the middle of my bedroom floor. Mind you I had just seen “Thin line between love and hate” with Martin Lawrence and I was on fire. Sooo I ever so politely packed all of his clothes in a plastic trash bag,caught a cab to his apartment(told the cabbie not to leave cause it wouldn’t be long) and dumped all of his shyt on the middle of his yard. It had just rained and all of his cousings were outside and saw the whole thing. Needless to say we were done after that and I felt sooo good. The cabbie laughed the whole time and didn’t even charge me for the ride. Revenge is a dish best served COLD :mrgreen:

SexyCool - Coasting

July 31st, 2009
9:43 am

Yeah. Boundaries are good. Seriously. But so is a corresponding level of openness within a relationship.

Leggs

July 31st, 2009
9:43 am

Morning everyone!

I can’t remember a time when I’ve crossed the boundary line. I don’t eavesdrop, play coy, or sneak into accounts. All this is a waste of my time and energy. I don’t believe in snooping. If I want to know something I ask. If he snoops around in my things without asking, then Houston, we have a problem and I won’t ignore that flag!

Like Raqi stated, tolerance level is heightened when you’re really into someone, but certain situations need to be addressed head on before it escalates!

Sassy Me...juicy fruit says O is for Oochie :-)

July 31st, 2009
9:47 am

Professor I liked your 8:57 and I cosign with that….I wouldn’t date those types either. I have female friends who have done all of those things and I’m always on the side thinking “why” and “do you have ANY pride whatsoever” but it’s like they just have to do it…..then they wonder why the guy doesn’t want to be with them….DUH chick you’se crazy that’s why…but I digress

SexyCool - Coasting

July 31st, 2009
9:47 am

Let me re-state: Agreed upon / understood boundaries are good. And those boundaries may go farther for some couples than for others. It’s really about what you as a couple are comfortable with.

That is also true for the level of openness. Mine shared something with me recently that let me know how open he is with me. And it gave me one more thing to admire him for.

RelldaRake - 8inchs of limp dizzle

July 31st, 2009
9:50 am

@PROF…whats ya phone namber..lol

Leggs

July 31st, 2009
9:53 am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LIONESS! Hope you had a fabulous b-day week!

RelldaRake - 8inchs of limp dizzle

July 31st, 2009
9:55 am

happy bday lioness…i hope you have a good one

Professor

July 31st, 2009
9:56 am

I don’t have any little things, because for some reason the people I deal with were above those games for the most part (the ones I kept around). For me there are certain key elements that set the foundation for a relationship. Hence the big things if those things are in place you are good. For me a liar will snoop in your stuff, therefore I don’t deal with liars so I do not have the snooping issues. The control freaks will try to manage your time and deal with you when they want to deal with you, thus I stay away from control freaks. Those that are abusive and show signs of this will damage your property or you (even if it is just pictures or a letter), therefore I stay away from these guys…if you can do an assessment of the big things you will see patterns.

Sure there are aggravating things we all do to each other in relationships, however those things should not be character issues. I think the aggravating things are you did not brew another pot of coffee, and to me a pot of coffee is not grounds for a break up…IMO.

Professor

July 31st, 2009
9:57 am

@Rell 777-9311 are you old enough to know that song…well sing it with me

Professor

July 31st, 2009
9:59 am

@Sassy good for you in handling him…

2CPTG

July 31st, 2009
9:59 am

anybody home??????

Relationship Boiling points—–pyssin’ me off…plain and simple!

M.

July 31st, 2009
10:00 am

I know that I have given one to many chances. I was seeing a girl long distance and she came to visit me. Long story short, a couple times I caught her snooping through mundane things that had no relevance to her. She said I am the type that if I want to know something, I get down to the bottom of it. Why not ask?

Then a couple occasions, she would play dumb and be like can I use your phone, and attempt to go thru my stuff but the worst situation was when she took my phone and locked herself in my bathroom and went through my calls, pictures, picture mail,etc….crazy anyone? Man I am glad I am out of that situation…now anyone touching the communications….cut off!!!

Яaqi…And I repeat “I am not to be taken for granted!”

July 31st, 2009
10:01 am

Agreed upon / understood boundaries are good. And those boundaries may go farther for some couples than for others.

I agree with that. For me at a certain stage of a relationship some things are acceptable. I don’t have a problem with my marido reading my email. I don’t care if he uses my cell phone. He doesn’t ramble thru my purse but I have no problem with him reaching in there to get my keys or whatever.

That’s a topic we should discuss on here one day, if we already haven’t. The level of privacy in relationships and when does that level increase/decrease. Or better yet is there such a thing as privacy in a marriage or committed relationship. I am not talking about revealing all the personal intimate details of your past to your mate but just every day doings. Does privacy exist when you become one? WiseDiva we can discuss this one day??? (I know a statement and not a question)

SexyCool - Coasting

July 31st, 2009
10:01 am

OMG!!!!OMG!!!! 2CAN IS IN THE BUILDING!!!!

SexyCool faints like she’s at a Michael Jackson concert.

Яaqi…And I repeat “I am not to be taken for granted!”

July 31st, 2009
10:01 am

Do my eyes deceive me?!?!?! 2CPTG

Miss Moni

July 31st, 2009
10:02 am

-Riddle me this, what happens to the boundaries when you are in love? Why is it that otherwise normal people toss out their logic and reasoning when they are head over heels?

Good Morning Blog Family!

Speaking from personal experience, I am my biggest advocate, especially when it comes to protecting myself from being hurt emotionally, physically or mentally. If the guy I’m dealing with is doing suspicious things I will give him the opportunity to explain. If 1 and 1 is not adding up to be 2, then YES I’m going to investigate! Now if I don’t love him, then I don’t care what he’s doing and as soon as the story doesn’t add up will simply move on. However, it’s something about being in love and feeling vulnerable that won’t allow me to rest peacefully until I find out the truth. (If you look, you will find. If he’s not doing anything wrong, you will find that out as well)

The logic and reasoning is there, but it is totally ignored sometimes! No one wants to get played or be used as someone’s doormat. Respect me, be honest and communicate effectively and I will equally do the same. The bottom line is, if your S.O. is doing things that continue to raise your suspicion, then just let it go. As much as it may hurt, just let it go!

2CPTG

July 31st, 2009
10:03 am

Hey Sexy….nah, Raqi, ya eyes ain’t playin tricks wit’ cha…it’s ya boi!

SexyCool - Coasting

July 31st, 2009
10:05 am

Sup, No. Fla. Bwoi?

Professor

July 31st, 2009
10:06 am

BTW I will say this I never saw my dad go in my mom’s purse and I cannot remember going in her purse I can remember her saying bring me my purse. I think the small things are a spill over from the big things…we have all seen the movie before and know the ending is what I am saying.

Page1908

July 31st, 2009
10:07 am

Ok, I am running off of 3 hours of sleep and omg 2CPTG! Is that you or am I dreaming? Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! *kisses and hugs*

Sassy Me...juicy fruit says O is for Oochie :-)

July 31st, 2009
10:07 am

777-9311 are you old enough to know that song…well sing it with me

I remember that song…and have also give it out as my # to some persistent fools who never got the hint. :D

Яaqi…And I repeat “I am not to be taken for granted!”

July 31st, 2009
10:07 am

the people I deal with were above those

Do we ever really know who is above what?

Was Michael Jackson above being a drug addict?

Was OJ Simpson above murder?

Was Mike Vick above illegal dog fighting?

The thing about people, you never really can know what they are until the do it.

2CPTG

July 31st, 2009
10:08 am

been chillin, just wanted to “pop” my head in to see what was going on…..bout to go see if Obama got any beer left over….

Яaqi…And I repeat “I am not to be taken for granted!”

July 31st, 2009
10:10 am

2CPTG Big hug to ya. Good to see you pop in.

2CPTG

July 31st, 2009
10:10 am

Hey soror….yeah this is me…..damn, Joe Biden drunk all the beer…punkazz!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 31st, 2009
10:11 am

Morning blog gang!

Well I mentioned the other day about the guy that was surprised when I DIDN’T snoop thru his things when he left me alone at his place when he went out for food. Set little traps & everything. I’m just so not that nosy, insecure, crazy, whatever you want to call it!

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT – Go in my purse & wallet, mess with my cell, computer, read my mail, go thru my drawers! It won’t end pretty! I was raised that way & I expect anyone I deal with to be that way too. In our home growing up we could set our wallets, purses, money, jewelry, whatever down and come back and it would not be touched. If I let you in my personal space like that I expect you to respect it, like I respect you & your privacy & personal space. That’s the only way to be in my book.

I had a guy to steal half my hard drive from my computer & set up a stalker virus on it. Other than to let him know I discoved his treachery, I have not spoken to him since. And I really probably could have f’d him up real bad & got him in trouble cause he worked for the Pentagon. I’d never had a man to steal from me! I’ll give you my last if you ask for it, but don’t steal!

abc

July 31st, 2009
10:14 am

Have I ever crossed such lines of privacy? Sure I have. I was never caught at it, sneaky bastid that I am. As maturity grows, though, so does a realization of the importance of 1 Cor 13. In addition to that, “Love is not jealous. Love trusts the other person.”

If so, wonderful; else, bummer.

Leggs

July 31st, 2009
10:15 am

Hi 2C, bring me a Samuel Adams, please (from what the news reported, only two bottles were consumed 4 bottles are somewhere on the White House property).

Professor

July 31st, 2009
10:16 am

Honestly I do not know any of the celebrities that you mentioned. However past behavior is always an indication of future results whether good or bad. So let’s examine your list and see what we come up with:
Michael Jackson his bizarre behavior left the world knowing that something was wrong we (fans) may not have known what it was, but we knew it was something. However close friends and family members came out and said that they were trying setting up a good date/time to confront him about his problem.
OJ was acquitted of the murder, however even if he did murder his ex-wife we all saw the pictures of her being beaten and we heard the stories of his obsessive behavior.
MV7 we remember the “Joe Mexico” and the water bottle incident etc. I will not bore the blog with all of this…
That is why my argument said look at the big things… and yes the people I chose to deal with I know them and they are above those things….

Яaqi…And I repeat “I am not to be taken for granted!”

July 31st, 2009
10:19 am

Set little traps & everything

That’s one I have a problem with. If I feel the need to set traps, the feeling itself is all I need to know what I need to know.

Professor

July 31st, 2009
10:20 am

@ Sassy a few years ago I gave that 777-9311 out with a 770 area code attached to it, the guy was younger and he told me ohh that is an easy number to remember did you have to pay extra for it…? I actually felt sorry for him because he was so sincere with it…I guess Ol’ Professor has a heart after all.

SexyCool - Coasting

July 31st, 2009
10:20 am

Atlanta Housewives – Best Trainwreck TV on the PLANET!!!

Jamoca

July 31st, 2009
10:21 am

Oh My Dayummmm it’s 2Can !!! LOL

…as that chick Cee would say —> What da stanky leg???

What a surprise!…mayne, how you been?

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 31st, 2009
10:21 am

Professor, it was like that with us too – dad never went in mom’s purse & she never went in his wallet, unless they gave permission. I think it is a matter of respect. I don’t have anything to hide & I’ll ask SO to answer my cell at times & he’ll ask me to grab his, but that’s as far as it goes.

Raqi – I know this could potentially be another topic one day, but to answer your question, again its a matter of respect to me. I just can’t get with – “since we are together we should let it all hang out” line of thinking. I know, I’ve never been married, but it is not what I observed with my parents’ marriage and my grandparents & others I’ve been around. The purse & wallet were just a little sacred, not to be entered unless permitted, but not hiding anything either. I just don’t think marriage means a COMPLETE loss of privacy.

SexyCool - Coasting

July 31st, 2009
10:22 am

“Dwight, do you have on lashes?”

SexyCool - Coasting

July 31st, 2009
10:23 am

I’m really gone need to hear Bob’s side of the story. Sheree dogged him out totally. Lost even more respect for her on that one – if that were possible.

2CPTG

July 31st, 2009
10:24 am

What it do, **Jamocha**…..now lemmee see what y’all talkin’ about…..

SexyCool - Coasting

July 31st, 2009
10:24 am

“My momma don’t like him cause he got a lotta kids.”

“How many kids he got?”

“Six.”

SexyCool faints AGAIN…

SexyCool - Coasting

July 31st, 2009
10:25 am

“I’m a top level executive and I’m gone need you to respect my top.”

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 31st, 2009
10:25 am

Hey 2Can!

Personally, if I feel I have to go snooping, that’s too much drama & stress already for me, so I’m out.

Яaqi…And I repeat “I am not to be taken for granted!”

July 31st, 2009
10:25 am

Love trusts the other person

abc I agree. I just can’t see myself in a relationship, not just dating someone new but a relationship, with someone that I have to hide things. I cannot be comfortable with anyone that I have to make sure my email account is closed down, my bank accounts are logged off, my purse is looked up, and my files are put away when they are around.

First I need to trust you to trust me. And then I need to trust you to not use the information that I allow you to view for ill gain.

Cemeeli

July 31st, 2009
10:26 am

morning…

Moca – What?

Hey 2? Auh, yea.

SexyCool - Coasting

July 31st, 2009
10:26 am

“Google me and check my resume.”