Can I Get Open-Ended?
I used to think that relationships always reached a point where you either had to break up or get married. The end of the road just comes up and you have to make a decision about what to do next. I’m sure this still applies to many couples, but it seems as if some of us prefer/need/seek to have open-ended relationships.
What are these open-ended relationships? Some of you may be in one right now. They are the pseudo relationships that don’t consist of much relating at all. One or both of you are saying and doing just enough to keep the person around and interested. Perhaps you are waiting for someone better to come along, just in case. These don’t end well, usually. Both individuals deserve better than to be in a non-relationship, wasting time and energy.
I think it is always good dating practice to let someone know that you have absolutely no intention of getting married or being exclusive. At least let them know what to expect. So how do you date someone with no goal of marriage or commitment?
I think it’s harder than many of us think. I know many single people who say that finding someone who just wants companionship is tough. Even when they are able to find someone to go along with this casual, companionship plan, someone begins to want more.
Would you be willing to be in an open-ended relationship? If you met someone that could meet all your “needs” for companionship, do you think you would tell them there was no promise of a commitment?
What would you do if someone you met and got along great with told you they aren’t into exclusive relationships? Could you handle that kind of arrangement?
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468 comments Add your comment
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 30th, 2009
11:34 am
Not one woman has womaned up and said she has done it before.
DK – Actually I did in my first post. I think we all have been there – both women & men have at one point in their life fallen for the okey doke. But that’s not what the topic is about. Why the mean-spiritedness from the guys today?
SexyCool - The Closer
July 30th, 2009
11:35 am
It’s all the metaphorical game, really. The difference in just playing to play or playing with a strategy to win.
Smart women recognize the game and only get involved when the win is guaranteed.
SexyCool - The Closer
July 30th, 2009
11:37 am
Let me restate that last line – Smart when LEARN TO recognize the game and only get involved when the win is guaranteed.
The Real Rell - one man wolfpack!!
July 30th, 2009
11:38 am
@2c…of course you can learn…but the whole game recongize game thing…so cliche overused and lame…again you dont get wisdom before the experience..you gain it after…..
W8
July 30th, 2009
11:39 am
Got my concubines doing their duties and I look up and see that “bat signal”
Lol@b*tch please- you are right. Besides both women and men run game. Difference is once to a certain point men don’t care whereas women will try to “shine” and place blame on the man. Everyone has had it run on them at somepoint and its your own fault if it keeps getting run on you or if you are an easy target. Now runteldat….tried to flush the toilet..but don’t you hate the “floaters” lmao.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 30th, 2009
11:41 am
You actually think you can get an abbreviated version of this good stuff and understand it. No babe this is tip of the Iceberg and I’m way more complex than I can write about and also way more charming than I lead on, in my writings..
DK – Uhh..okay???? Don’t know where that came from or why you think I care, but okay.
I wish y’all had more joy in your lives.
It beared repeating, Mytwo!!LOL!!
anonymousella
July 30th, 2009
11:46 am
Would you be willing to be in an open-ended relationship?
i am in one. we are in a long-distance relationship that could lead to marriage. or it could continue being a long-term, long-distance relationship. we’ve talked about both scenarios, but we haven’t made any decisions or concrete plans, partly due to circumstance. he’s okay with that ambiguity. i am learning to be. (he’s a laid back cali boy. i am a neurotic ex-new yorker / control freak.)
If you met someone that could meet all your “needs” for companionship, do you think you would tell them there was no promise of a commitment?
no. if you are meeting my needs for companionship, then why aren’t we in a committed relationship?
What would you do if someone you met and got along great with told you they aren’t into exclusive relationships? Could you handle that kind of arrangement?
how fine is he? lol. seriously: it depends on the circumstances and the chemistry. i am usually the type who tries (and fails) to make a relationship out of those scenarios. but sometimes you meet someone who you don’t even want to have a relationship with. you just want to do things while naked. i certainly can’t rule it out.
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 30th, 2009
11:51 am
THE TRUTH HURTS.. Look at how many babes are upset.. Calling for more joy in our lives and that we are being mean spirited..
Let me see Joy in my life. Just got back from vacation. I have more than one girlfriend, oh wait I’m dating. Just bought a new pair of shoes. Got a hot date this evening. Money in the bank. I’m not married. Handsome Smart Mannerable Son. Lively Jack Russell. Oh and sex anytime I want it.. Heck I think I got joy on lock over here.
Wrote a song about it wanna hear it here it goes.
Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy..
Kym-I am the mystery in the room
July 30th, 2009
11:53 am
@W8 Concubines..what the hell? Did I miss something?
And what is this about game?
I am going to lunch I had a horrible, horrible football daydream just now…I dare not type or speak it for the horror of it..is just too much.
Cemeeli
July 30th, 2009
11:53 am
Hey folks…
..peeking in on what? Of course….why not?….lol…:)
Any dude or lady playing games after a certain age (maybe), or after they learn & are real stand-up grown folks, they are playing the “scorned game”. Yea, it’s a diversion of such…
…Hey… just come correct. Or don’t at all.
If a guy that I’m romantically involved with tells me he wants an open-relationship. Lol…hahahah. …Go head…do your thang. I’m out, I let him have that.
Lol…I’m cool, you little buster.
Then, if you wanna re-visit the possibility. Politley. I would not allow you to get that close to me. By that time youa lame, I can tell it ain’t hittin on nuthin.
Walk.
Lol….i’m off.
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 30th, 2009
11:54 am
Please forgive me today. I think Im smelling myself, feeling some kind of way and feeling myself all at the same time.
Mo (aka Moeisha-)
July 30th, 2009
11:54 am
Fan – I love that saying as well, says a lot..”NEVER LET SOMEONE BE YOUR PRIORITY WHEN YOU ARE ONLY THEIR OPTION.”
INFAMOUS -okay I can love that 11:32
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 30th, 2009
11:54 am
DK – Live your life like its golden, baby!
Cemeeli
July 30th, 2009
11:54 am
P.S. Do not insult my intellect…Parasites. Who attract maggots, ‘sides parasites?
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 30th, 2009
11:55 am
W8 – Whens the big trip..
Rell – Hold ya head pimpin.. and Keep keepin it 1 hunnid..
mytw♥cents...Electric Relaxation
July 30th, 2009
12:02 pm
FILTHY I’m not one who talks about women runnin games/playin games cuz all that’s elementary.
PERNT I’m with you on the terms and conditions of the verbal agreement only subject to change when stated outright.
RELL Your 11:22 proves my 10:09. We’re elitist because we didn’t just fall off a turnip truck? Why are you mad that some chicks just ain’t as simple as Simon and don’t need to continuously repeat cycles. You agree with BP, so you think game has been run up n thru us…based on that,what would it say to never, ever get the lesson? Would you wanna deal with someone like that?
W8
July 30th, 2009
12:05 pm
@Kym- you haven’t missed anything..just adding fuel to the fire..lol. I’m in all UGA gear today fitted cap, golf shirt, and jeans with a UGA buckle. I can’t wait for football season.
@DK its the 13th. But I will be back before the 18th. I’m ready though
Hey Mo hey Kimmie…
The Real Rell - one man wolfpack!!
July 30th, 2009
12:09 pm
@MY2…FO DA LAST TIME….i am not mad at all…a lil horny…but not mad..for what…i am alive right….i am still in the game
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 30th, 2009
12:11 pm
East Point – Was it you back a few months ago that said you didn’t believe it when a woman said she didn’t want marriage or a relationship? If so, you see where I’m going with this, right?
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 30th, 2009
12:12 pm
My 2 – Youre so cute.. I just had one of those light bulb moments. Women dont consider what they are doing as running game because they are so used to doin the BS they actually believe it. Its like a compulsive liar. After a while they just start believeing the lies to be true. WOW! Thanks for youre help with this amazing breakthru..
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 30th, 2009
12:17 pm
I guess my point is this. Ladies ya’ll gotta start taking responsibility for some of the mess ya’ll be doin. The things ya’ll read and agree to, should be taken back and disseminated amongst and used to influence your circle of friends. When ya’ll know you wrong or your girl is wrong call her on it. Dont just be her support group just to be her support. Give her strong correction when necessary.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 30th, 2009
12:18 pm
Rell/DK – Speaking for myself, I’ve been posting on this blog a few years now. I’m also over 30, like quite a few of the blogettes on here. That old “Imma make her/him miserable so she’ll break up with me first” thing is just that – old! EVERYBODY over the age of 18 has probably had it run on them before! Been there, done that! And it happens in various degrees all the time – sometimes it’s more subtle – the dates & phone calls start falling off & you get the message. Not that anyone is really trying to run a game, it’s just run it’s course!
But it all just sounds so silly coming from supposedly grown folks on here! JUST MY OPINION!!!!
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 30th, 2009
12:19 pm
And together we can make the world a better place.. We are the world. We are the children.
Tazzee - countdown to Pensacola Beach
July 30th, 2009
12:21 pm
Afternoon Folks!
DK your 11:51 cracked me up. Do your thing and hang on to that joy.
SexyCool You were in my dream last night, telling me about your love interest…
mytw♥cents...Electric Relaxation
July 30th, 2009
12:21 pm
Well I guess we’ll call my quest for a battle successful…
I must’ve lost track of the breadcrunbs cuz y’alls posts are all over the place as far as making sense.
FILTHY 111:32 makes all the sense in the world but lots of your extra seems a counter productive to working towards that. And you do come across as charming and that’s probably where the danger lies for the unsuspecting woman.
RELL It seems like you’re contradicting yourself to me. Pick one line of defense & go with it.
W8 LOTS of people think they’re far better at runnin game than they actually are.
KIMMIE Sangria, PLEASE!
Jamoca aka Anck-Su-Namun (reincarnated)
July 30th, 2009
12:21 pm
Ok, after reading the introduction of today’s discussion for the 3rd time…I personally would not define the examples listed as “open ended” but moreso FWB (as it has been already stated). To be honest, I was thinking more along the lines of one (or in some cases both) parties never really putting in stone the termination of the relationship, due to one or the other (or BOTH) not being fully ready to “let go” of the relationship, and therefore labeling with an open ended status.
Such as…relationship of the past. You get the phone call. Wants to catch up on what’s new in your life (aka “new love”)…only to reveal that he never got over you and (in his book) does not recall “giving” you the “official clearance” of the relationship. So in his mind, he still feels as if he should automatically get first dibbs or rather should be granted consideration over anyone else because of the history. Haaaa but n/r!
So in other words, he sees the relationship left as open ended because both parties simply fellback and during all this time he’s been having a hard time trying to decipher whether or not he loves this woman or is in love with her…before he puts his foot in mouth about where/when/how to proceed with his thoughts and therefore his actions…. now thinking back to dw’s analogy of swinging on the monkey bars. Hmmmm
Now personally, I sensed some entitlment going on, but I could be wrong. However I can somewhat see how he could mistake this as open ended (per my definition)…although I most certainly beg to differ.
And uhhhh, Ms. Main I’m gone need you to stop with the confessions of droppin’ babygirl TWICE on her po’ cranium, sis. Where’s DFACS when you need em…? Lol
Raqi
July 30th, 2009
12:22 pm
It hardly ever fails, one or the other usually catches feelings.
IMO once any type of agreement is made it closes the end. Whether you agree to date to marry, agree to have a life long committed exclusive relationship, agree to an indefinite open relationship or agree to be convenient FWB, the agreement closes the end.
I don’t know of too many people that date for too long not waiting to see where it leads.
East Point's Own
July 30th, 2009
12:22 pm
kimmie I can’t say that all women want marriage, because I kno wthere is always that slim margin of folks who are just weird…. but 98% of women probably want to get married at some point whether they admit to it or not… Practically no one wants to grow old alone. But I am sure there are a couple folks who do.. but nowhere near as many as that claim that they never want to marry.
But yeah I know what ya mean.
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 30th, 2009
12:22 pm
Kimmie – So what is it call when a woman stays with a dude knowing shes gonna leave him months before he has a clue?
Because we have read it here plenty of times that ya’ll prepare for the breakup months in advance. What is that called?
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)
July 30th, 2009
12:23 pm
Got my concubines doing their duties and I look up and see that “bat signal”
Concubines?
We’re elitist because we didn’t just fall off a turnip truck? Why are you mad that some chicks just ain’t as simple as Simon and don’t need to continuously repeat cycles.
Mytwo I just don’t think they really want to admit that there are some women who just won’t go for the BS they spew….like we’re just not supposed to recognize game. True there are some hell-a-clueless women out there but is that really the caliber woman you want? And for the record just b/c you tell a woman you don’t want a commitment or a serious relationship and she stays around IT DOES NOT ABSOLVE YOU FROM GUILT IF YOU CONTINUE TO USE HER.
mytw♥cents...Electric Relaxation
July 30th, 2009
12:26 pm
Oh and the Joy comment was directed @ BP & Rell at the time. His rhetoric sounds like it morphed, tho.
SexyCool - The Closer
July 30th, 2009
12:28 pm
Taz – LOL. There certainly is a lot to say about Mine. Your post just made me smile and smile.
The Real Rell - one man wolfpack!!
July 30th, 2009
12:30 pm
@2c…i love you
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 30th, 2009
12:31 pm
My 2 – You know I like bein a controversial figure
.. Im actually a little more reserved in person. Im the unusual suspect. I get that Im a nice guy alot with a disarming smile. Dont get it twisted I treat the ladies very nice and we have womnderful times but I am flaky on the relationship side. I know this and I tell women that. Allbeit I do it with a smile and a joke though so it lessens the impact. Its not what you say its how you say it and how you present the facts.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)
July 30th, 2009
12:33 pm
When ya’ll know you wrong or your girl is wrong call her on it. Dont just be her support group just to be her support. Give her strong correction when necessary.
Ummm okay DK so the next time one of whatever male friends you have starts doing some real lame,mangina type stuff call him on it…..cause there’s definitely some men who should’ve been checked a long time ago and it’s ” even Stevie Wonder can see it” obvious ’cause.
W8
July 30th, 2009
12:34 pm
@DK-they never will
@my2-who cares if they are good or not running game. A lot of times people assume that are more important than they really are and in reality some women place themselves in that position due to their own mindset or their meddling friends who need a life of their own. So where some folks think they are having game ran on them its not the case at all…well not from the guys perspective.. I’m a one man wolfpack.watching my own lane..lol
Cemeeli
July 30th, 2009
12:35 pm
…excuse me for this P.S.A.
The 3rd Annual “GlenHOOD Day BLock Pary” & RE-Grand Opening of “Images of Us Barber Salon.” In the East Atlanta Village from 2pm-close.
Celebrity Guest
Free Food
Free Haircuts
Free School Supplies & backpacks.
If you all know anyone in that area. Pass the word.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 30th, 2009
12:35 pm
what is it call when a woman stays with a dude knowing shes gonna leave him months before he has a clue?
DK – Sounds like this is something you’ve been thru before! I don’t have a clue, hon! I’ve never had any of my friends tell me “I’m seeing this dude, but imma break up with him in a few months”.??? Huh?? Now I have heard of golddiggers doing this to sugar-daddies – but the arrangement is “understood”. Either way, I was not raised this way & don’t know of any of my friends that are. All my friends except one are married.
Maybe a person might do that if they are unhappy in a marriage and they are working up the courage to ask for a divorce or hoping things will change before they just up & run – I really can’t help you with that!
Cemeeli
July 30th, 2009
12:37 pm
Moca hey maam.
(reincarnated)??
Jamoca aka Anck-Su-Namun (reincarnated)
July 30th, 2009
12:38 pm
I honestly don’t see how some of you can actually say/post that you’ve never seen/read any of the ladies here admit when they dun’ fugged up and allowed not only themselves but the individual involved, to keep the same program going in hopes that things will progress for the better. In some cases, visual is not enough…so a more hand’s on experience gives some a bird’s eye view on “what not to do” to next “go-round”.
We share these stories at least every other day. But I must say, it’s as if some of you want us to wallow in it, while “you” whip folks with the mistakes (also know as life’s lessons) they’ve made. Damn.
Why beat a dead horse?
Raqi
July 30th, 2009
12:40 pm
So what is it call when a woman stays with a dude knowing shes gonna leave him months before he has a clue?
Infamous I have actually done that. I kept giving it a chance to see if things would get better or change. I told a friend of mine about three months prior to breaking up with the guy that I was going to do it. I let it drag out longer than it should have.
Cemeeli
July 30th, 2009
12:40 pm
If you want to donate to the kids & help out @ the Block Party…
Donations can be made at any SunTrust Bank under the “Images of Us” account or contact us and we will make arrangements to pick up items/donations.
1307 GLENWOOD AVE.
Atlanta, Georgia 30316
iou4lifeinfo@gmail.com
Joe @ 404-513-1186
mytw♥cents...Electric Relaxation
July 30th, 2009
12:41 pm
FILTHY VILLANOUS INFAMOUS INFURIATING… WHATEVA! Did you read my first post? Do y’all ever process the times when we take ownership of what we did or allowed? Of course not, cuz it would water down that bs logic some of you wanna cling to.
RELL Not literal. And who ain’t horny? Can we all use that explanation when we take it to the far left?
“If ya horny & ya know it, clap your hands!”
THE INFAMOUS DK
July 30th, 2009
12:41 pm
W8 – Aww good point.. The “Girl I wouldnt take that from him” syndrome is running rampant these days. Girlfriends are killers of more relationships/marriages than the plague. Cause Girlfriends will have a chick thinking bout something she wasnt even thinking about.
Like Dude comes in the house takes his shoes of at the door and has done so forever. Girlfriend comes over and sees the shoes sitting at the door and says “Girl why he leave his shoes at the door. There is a place for them, he must want you to clean up after him”. Then comes the “Girl I wouldnt take that from him”. Then dude has a problem when there wasnt one.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)
July 30th, 2009
12:42 pm
So what is it call when a woman stays with a dude knowing shes gonna leave him months before he has a clue?…..What is that called?
Wow this cat is really stupid…..but beween the sheets dude is the BIZNESS….guess I’ll just keep him around for the wood ’til I find something new.
I might tbe wrong but that could be ONE of the names it’s called…it has several aliases you know.
I’m jus’sayin 
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
July 30th, 2009
12:42 pm
Jamoca – Girl, you preaching today!!
DK – All my friends are grown-azz women. I don’t go around correcting grown women. What they do in their relationships is their own business.
Cemeeli
July 30th, 2009
12:42 pm
Lol…sorry.
In the East Atlanta Village
Saturday August 8th-
2pm til close.
Block Party & RE-Grand Opening of “Images of Us Barber Salon.”
Jamoca aka Anck-Su-Namun (reincarnated)
July 30th, 2009
12:45 pm
“If ya horny & ya know it, clap your hands!”
LOL…some folks know they need to clap their hands AND FEET.
Cee Yes, ma’am, I am she. How you? lol
SexyCool - Conspiracy Theorist (lol)
July 30th, 2009
12:46 pm
w8 – We’ve had a lot of interesting posts over the last few days. Didn’t you tell me that you know how to check IP addys?
Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)
July 30th, 2009
12:48 pm
CLAP…CLAP….