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Testing, Testing

Whether he is a player or a great guy, some men have a way of screening women to qualify her, so to speak. From the moment they spot her the initial screening test begins. He is really curious about her and wants to know what she is about and what caliber of woman she is.

The information they gather through their random tests help them determine different things about the woman. Things such as her desperation level, her patience, her perception, her inhabitations, even her “sanity”.

Now, I am not knocking the men for their pre-relationship/marriage screening tests. I believe that there are just some things men need to be sure about before they give up their bachelor lifestyle and freedom.  I have experienced a few male tests in my dating career. Some I failed miserably, and some I passed.

Ladies, chime in with any dating tests you have administered or experienced on/with men. Guys, tell us about the tests that women have put you through.

How do you know when your “dating performance” is being rated?

Do you think these dating tests are helpful or harmful? What mistakes do men and women make with date tests?

One challenge in the dating scene is getting useful feedback. If there are areas of improvement, how do we convey this to one another?  Should we even try to give feedback?

How many of us are conducting date/mate tests right now?

109 comments Add your comment

Grammar King

July 29th, 2009
9:19 am

I think you mean “inhibitions” in your first paragraph. Inhabitation, although it is recognized as a form of the verb “inhabit,” is awkward and probably rarely used.

Raqi...I am the test...Diamant

July 29th, 2009
9:33 am

Ironically I had a built in test my entire adult dating career…my boys. That there was the test. All I had to say was I have a kid, or two, and that alone was the screening process.

While the fact was just unavoidable I did throw it out there a time or two or three just to see the reaction.

Also with my kid(s) as the test, the was one in particular that I remember that I conveniently needed to pick up something for my son while on a date. One guy failed that test. There was another time where I had to get something for my son and it could not be avoided. The man at the time passed that test brilliantly.

The screening process is necessary but I think it should only be deliberately done when it comes to things that really matter and are important. That would rule out childish games.

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 29th, 2009
9:33 am

@Swiss..I am not sure what link you were sending me the other day..but if it is the one of the couple dancing down the aisle to Chris Brown’s Forever…I LOVE IT!!!! I am not big on marriage but if a dude will dance(must like dancing) then we can talk. That is the best wedding entrance ever.

Professor

July 29th, 2009
9:37 am

Good Morning:

Well I guess it is the “Professor” in me that realize that “testing” is only one of several assessments used. Instead of “testing” people I prefer different to use other techniques. IMO testing can sometimes come across as a silly little dating game, but my other techniques are a little subtler and the outcomes are more accurate.

Have a happy hump day.

Melo, how are ya?

Raqi...I am the test...Diamant

July 29th, 2009
9:39 am

The thing about my dating career was, although my kid(s) would not be a part of my dating life, they were a part of me. Most guys never got the chance to meet my kids, but there were times where my kid’s needs was more important than anything that I would or could have been doing at the time. For me guys had to understand that I had to tend to my kids when the need arose.

Their wants for no good reason could easily be ignored or put off, kids will be kids, but their needs had to be dealt with.

Professor

July 29th, 2009
9:41 am

I forgot to add that I am usually a little annoyed when a grown man feels like testing me. My thing is just ask me an in-depth behavior based question and I will answer it, but please don’t try a silly little test on me to see how I will do. I am not into games, hypnotically based situations etc., instead I like to deal with things head on and discuss them like adults.

Raqi...I am the test...Diamant

July 29th, 2009
9:42 am

There is a thin line between screening and just playing foolish games.

Raqi...I am the test...Diamant

July 29th, 2009
9:48 am

I think one of the most popular tests that were laid out before me was the inexpensive date test. It got quite obvious. It was like he would pull up to a place and try to watch the expression of my face to see how I would react. Well what most guys didn’t know about me is one of my favorite places to eat is the Waffle House. For some that is about as low as you can get taking a woman out. It’s not as low as man would like to think. Waffles are one of my favorite foods so even if the date was a lame dud I still got something that I liked.

Raqi...I am the test...Diamant

July 29th, 2009
9:54 am

There are all kinds screening processes in dating.

As I already mentioned the value date is one. Then there is the friends and family test for the more seasoned dates…how well do you get along with you own friends and family and then mine. Then you have the adaptability dates…dates to see how well you adapt in unfamiliar situations and activities. The sportsmanship dates. The creativity dates.

There are many more but right now I have a change-a-diaper date…

Professor

July 29th, 2009
10:04 am

One of the best assessments to use is observation, and I mean natural observation not trying to set up a certain environment to see how a person will respond, but letting nature takes its course. If you are on the phone just listen to what the person is telling you. If you are in person just observe how that person treats you and others around you. I have had men boast about their material possessions, but was unable to even show me a key to the car less more the car itself. Also I like a guy that can remember the small things it shows a bit of compassion to me. Example breakfast is my favorite meal and a guy remembers that…good sign. I do not eat beef or pork, but every date we are heading to the steakhouse…not a good look.

For me observation in the natural setting is key. Also I like for guys to hold me to that same standard and not create some test or quiz, but observe me in my natural environment.

SexyCool - High Level, Not Eye Level

July 29th, 2009
10:21 am

Three Words Daily – Excellence requires diligence.

SexyCool - High Level, Not Eye Level

July 29th, 2009
10:25 am

Kym – The JK Wedding Dance made me cry. That is what bliss looks like. I was moved by their joy.

SexyCool - High Level, Not Eye Level

July 29th, 2009
10:26 am

Don’t know where my Three Words went – but I will try it again.

Three Words Daily – Excellence requires diligence.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 29th, 2009
10:26 am

Good morning good people!

Yes, I hate tests or screenings when it’s glaringly obvious I’m being tested! In fact, that right there might get you dismissed from me. It’s too calculated & manipulative. At least be a little subtle, have a little style! I’m a private person and slow to give my heart, but let’s just date & get to know each other and let everything take it’s course naturally. Don’t have time for games!

I had been dating this guy about a month and a half once. We were both taking a nap & then he went out to grab some food, leaving me alone in his apartment. What I didn’t know was that he had set little traps all over, like putting a little piece of clear tape on some of his drawers so if I opened them the seal would break. I did not move from the spot I was in when he left, just layed there in and out of sleep, watching tv. He was shocked when he came back & nothing was touched! He told me what he had done. I told him I was raised not to go through other people’s things and anyway I had no interest, was not “looking” for anything concerning him! He said I had behaved differently than all of the other women he had dated! I told him in my case he had definitely upgraded then!

SexyCool - High Level, Not Eye Level

July 29th, 2009
10:32 am

I’m not a tester. I am a listener and an observer. Even so, there are certain qualities and factors that must be in place before I ever care to begin paying attention to what you say and do.

So, yeah, I’m paying attention to Mine right now.

M'

July 29th, 2009
10:34 am

My thing is just ask me an in-depth behavior based question and I will answer it, but please don’t try a silly little test on me to see how I will do. I am not into games, hypnotically based situations etc., instead I like to deal with things head on and discuss them like adults.

Uh-huh…and amen to that Professor

To me it is more like I am being scrutinized by a subjective standard of assessment…that is one reason the dating scene in the ATL turned me off years ago…like 1986…I do not like being put up on to “see” how I will act or react…it is just games and noise…I truly prefer open, engaging conversation about whatever a person wants to know and is willing to discuss.

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

July 29th, 2009
10:36 am

It’s not really a test, but I always watch how a woman responds when the bill comes. If she doesn’t offer to contribute towards whatever we do, I take note.

Money is tight for everyone in this economy, and I think the courteous thing to do is at least offer to contribute. To me, it shows that she’s a team player.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 29th, 2009
10:38 am

M’ – I agree, let’s just TALK! I’m not a lab rat! The dating scene turned me off too, lady. I just dropped totally out of it a few years after college. I met people thru family & friends, hobbies or out & about, like meeting my current SO at Publix!

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

July 29th, 2009
10:44 am

Kym — Yep, that (the wedding entrance) is what I linked to the other day. I’m just pyssed that they beat me to the punch — I had planned to enter to Wild Cherry:lol:

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 29th, 2009
10:48 am

@SexyCool..I didnt cry..I felt like dancing..they looked like a fun couple, who truly enjoyed each other and they had fun friends..I like that. Plus, it was totally non-traditional–even better. I am going to download the song from i-tunes too…damn the haters that is a cute song with nice lyrics. Chris Brown should send them something nice.

SexyCool - High Level, Not Eye Level

July 29th, 2009
10:51 am

Kym – I was dancing too until the bride danced in. Seeing her joy did me in. You know how the ol’ folk say in church – I just got full.

anonymousella

July 29th, 2009
10:53 am

i don’t have “tests” per se. there are just a few situations that happen when dating that i keep an eye on, namely how you travel, how you handle money, and how you treat service folks (waitstaff at restaurants, cashiers, etc.).

much like kimmie, if i see that a dude is trying to test me or figure me out, i get annoyed. and the fact that you feel the need to test me or any woman lets me know that your low-expectation having a** has more issues than national geographic. you have just proven that you mistrustful, damaged, and possibly guilty of that for which you testing.

hrm, so maybe that’s my test.

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 29th, 2009
10:59 am

@Swiss do it anyway.. Forever, Forever, Me you on the dance floor…

On Topic..Please don’t test me..I hate that stuff we too old for that crap. I am not going to test you. Just spend time with the person and really get to know them..you are not going to like everything about that person and they are not going to like everything about you. Compromise, common ground, look for those things and investment in that.

@kimmie I think that is a hoot. I don’t snoop in other folks stuff cause I don’t want you looking in mine. Who knows what you might find. But I think some guys have become so freaking gun shy that lump everyone in the same catagory.

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

July 29th, 2009
11:04 am

Hey Err’body!!

Okay Swiss could you post that link cause I want to see what everyone is gushing about.

SCool – I too like to just listen and observe, Im not for tests per se but I do look for certain things

AmazonRed™ - vacay is coming...

July 29th, 2009
11:06 am

Morning All -

I am anti test. Folks who need to purposely set up situations to “test” someone need a better screening process. Time and life with give you situations that will show you what a person is made of without you having to manufacture stuff.

I think folks test, because they want to cut corners. You want to get laid as fast as possible, so you don’t take time to really pay attention or get to know someone.

I don’t test people. I take my time and if that moves “too slow” for some then get gone then.

Raqi...I am the test...Diamant

July 29th, 2009
11:07 am

I saw that wedding dance on GMA, I think, the other morning. They had the entire wedding party there and reenacted the whole thing live. My girl friend sent me the link via email before then.

AmazonRed™ - vacay is coming...

July 29th, 2009
11:10 am

What I didn’t know was that he had set little traps all over, like putting a little piece of clear tape on some of his drawers so if I opened them the seal would break. I did not move from the spot I was in when he left, just layed there in and out of sleep, watching tv. He was shocked when he came back & nothing was touched! He told me what he had done.

Ugh. That would probably be my last date with that guy! If he felt the need to to all that, don’t have me over and leave. Trust should come into play at some point without having to set traps!!!

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 29th, 2009
11:14 am

@Raqi that was the Today show..and nothing beats the original video..I named one of the dancers Tom Willis. LMAO I wish them much happiness.

AmazonRed™ - vacay is coming...

July 29th, 2009
11:15 am

I guess I’m the only one who thought the wedding dance thing was cheesy. And I like corny cheese stuff. I think my expectations were high because I had heard about it before I saw it.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 29th, 2009
11:22 am

I don’t snoop in other folks stuff cause I don’t want you looking in mine.

Kym – Okay! You don’t go in NOTHING of mine unless you ASK! My mom drummed that in our heads so much that, after she passed away and I had to deal with her things, I felt SO scared clearing out her closets & purses & drawers! I had to laugh and say she taught me well!

Amred – Luckily he had other redeeming qualities that made him a keeper, we were both young. In fact, almost married him, that was my Cali man from San Diego that was here going to grad school. I think he was paranoid from others he had dated. He soon learned stuff like that was just not necessary with me.

AmazonRed™ - vacay is coming...

July 29th, 2009
11:27 am

I think he was paranoid from others he had dated.

kimmie – Apparently so! He should have figured out a better way to follow the signs without having to set up boobie traps. :lol:

He’s gonna test the wrong one one of these days! :lol:

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 29th, 2009
11:30 am

Amred – Well, he’s married to someone else now, so that’s HER problem, so not mine anymore! But yeah, he could have gone about it better and believe me I gave him a hard time about it!

For Real

July 29th, 2009
11:38 am

For Real now putting tape over Kimmie’s CT and you betnot break the seal!

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

July 29th, 2009
11:46 am

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 29th, 2009
11:51 am

For Real – Go sit down!!!

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 29th, 2009
12:05 pm

@Swiss the best parts are the best man doing the handstand and the groom doing the somersault geting up straighten his tie and keep the party going. I was cracking up!!!

Raqi...I am the test...Diamant

July 29th, 2009
12:06 pm

Thanks Kym yeah the Today show.

Raqi...I am the test...Diamant

July 29th, 2009
12:07 pm

don’t snoop in other folks stuff cause I don’t want you looking in mine.

I have looked in medicine cabinets before. And I have had my medicine cabinet invaded.

AmazonRed™ - vacay is coming...

July 29th, 2009
12:15 pm

For Real now putting tape over Kimmie’s CT and you betnot break the seal!

:lol:

i'm swiss (aka Buckshot Prior)

July 29th, 2009
12:17 pm

And while I’m posting links… I promised this the other day when the Purple Rain anniversary came up, so here’s a bootleg of Prince from Phillips from a few years back:

http://karaokebus.tzo.com/files/Concert%20Bootlegs/Prince/

When prompted, enter:

username: superfreak
password: jenny8675309

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 29th, 2009
12:22 pm

Swiss – I went to that concert! I’ve seen Prince 3 times, saw MJ 5 times, 3 with his brothers, saw Sade and Stevie Wonder once. Hands down the greatest concerts ever!

I am so spoiled now, I am used to seeing TOP acts. For me to spend money & time to go see you, you better BRING IT!

AmazonRed™ - vacay is coming...

July 29th, 2009
12:24 pm

Here you go, Mo…

Dang, that video has over 11 MILLION hits. And you know everyone is gonna copy that going forward.

I would do something like that for my reception entrance. One of my friends came into “Crazy In Love” by Beyonce during her reception. I would have never thought to use such a song, but it really worked and got the crowd hyped.

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 29th, 2009
12:29 pm

ARed Chris Brown was number 10 on the itunes poplist..other day he was 6 so the song is popular because of the video. Again Chris needs to send them a present…what’s funny is it is the song from the Doublemint commercials.

AmazonRed™ - vacay is coming...

July 29th, 2009
12:37 pm

Again Chris needs to send them a present…

For real do!

M'

July 29th, 2009
12:37 pm

@kimmie

Just getting back to the keyboard…saw your post…I think that the way you met your SO is more in line with what allows for a natural flow…you were doing a regular activity…and met another regular person doing so…works for…now, if I can just figure out how to work in a regular interaction with that fine firefighter who checked my BP yesterday when it hit 176/110…hmmm, but the dr. at N’side said that since my BP is erratic and not consistently high that I need to keep a daily journal…lol…so I guess that means I will be at Station 29 on a regular basis…lol…I ain’t right…but dang he is fine.

M'

July 29th, 2009
12:37 pm

meant works for me

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

July 29th, 2009
12:38 pm

Thanks Swiss! Too freakin funny, but quite cute

Randyt (AKA been there, done that, throwing out some t-shirts)

July 29th, 2009
12:55 pm

My big one is how a woman talks to others that she doen’t have to be nice to, i.e. store clerks, servers, etc. If she doesn’t have a heart, then all the looks in the world still just make her a piece of plastic. IMHO.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 29th, 2009
12:57 pm

M’- LOL!! You sound like me after my accident with the tractor trailer! From the firemen/paramedics to the emergency room doctor, I have never seen so many fine AA men in my life! And they were MANLY men! Thought I might have died & gone to heaven! Go on and get that man, girl, I have seen so many fine firefighters!

M'

July 29th, 2009
12:58 pm

@Randy

That is an important aspect of character assessment that I value very highly too…I had an acquaintance who was like that, she always spoke in demeaning and belittling ways to store clerks, servers…actual anyone who provided her with services…it drove me up a wall…as I have also done that type of work at various times in my life…the holier than thou noise.