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Light-Switch Moments

I was reading about NBA player, Richard Jefferson’s canceled wedding not long after a reader sent me an article about men and their light-switch moments. The author says that some men have light-switch moments when they just sort of suddenly realize that the woman they are dating is the one.

It seems like the light-switch moments happen pretty organically. It’s not because a women coerced or manipulated him, or strong-armed him into marriage. So a man’s decision to get engaged kind of feels like a light-switch moment when the light-bulb comes on, and he is ready to make the move.

I wondered if Richard Jefferson had a light-switch “off” button? When men figure out the woman of his dreams is closer to the nightmare, does it happen in the same way?

Guys, if you have ever proposed or thought of proposing, did it feel like a light-switch moment? Did you just suddenly see that it was the right time and the right woman? What about when you realized you needed to break up with someone? Was there a light-switch moment when you thought, “Oh, no. Time to go”

Ladies, do you find that the men you are meeting and dating want to get married? Have you ever dated a man and witnessed a light-switch moment? Did he behave differently after that? Have you ever had a light-switch moment with a man when you realized that he was the man of your dreams? How did you handle it?

144 comments Add your comment

Alvin

July 27th, 2009
8:12 am

Morning All…

Pourinnnnnnng In Your Memorieeeeeeees…This is For…Myyy-iiiii-eeeee…Hooom..Hoooom..Hoooomieeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Vernon Forrest, may you rest in peace!!!

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 27th, 2009
8:45 am

Have you ever had a light-switch moment with a man when you realized that he was the man of your dreams? How did you handle it?

No, but I have recently had light-switch moments with a couple of men who I have known for many moons..one guy(15 yrs) the other (12 years) and had light-switch moments with both of them. One I loved so hard I could feel his presence like a sixth sense. And no matter where we were on earth..we found each other. The other the same feeling and actions..only the more I spend time with him the more I realize how truly odd a relationship we have..it really has no explaination at all. Either way the light-switch flashed on and for the former I had to release him from my life..the later is still around but I am learning to handle him with the long handle spoon.

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 27th, 2009
8:45 am

Oh yeah Good Morn All.

Grace

July 27th, 2009
8:48 am

Ladies, do you find that the men you are meeting and dating want to get married? Most of the men I’ve met do not want to be inlove less more get married. My dear sweet guy said the word marriage twice last night in our conversation, I don’t know what that means, I’m not going to get ahead of myself, I’ll just sit and watch.

Have you ever dated a man and witnessed a light-switch moment? Never, both my husbands told me with in days after meeting me that they were going to marry me, I guess I was fortunate enough to meet men that knew what they wanted and was ready for it, also I was much younger too. I guess I may never have the light bulb moment, I don’t know.

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
8:58 am

Good Morning!!!

I had a great weekend and I am looking forward to pushing through this week so that I can do it all again.

On topic: Hmmm I think I will lurk on this one because I would like to hear from the fellas and really listen without all the extra.

Ladies, do you find that the men you are meeting and dating want to get married?

I will say this I have met some sincere men that voiced being open to marriage and I have met some players that use this line as game…so it depends on how you look at it…a lot of men tell women what they want to hear.

@Kimmie that lemonade was so good! Thanks again for sharing I was so into the lemonade that I did not make the sangria, but the sangria is up next. BTW I hope your luncheon went well.

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
9:10 am

Off topic: I am a huge Prince fan and today is the 25th anniversary of Purple Rain (according to the radio). So I will be jamming to Prince all day, which is nothing new….please enjoy a few verses

I can’t disguise the pounding of my heart
It beats so strong
It’s in your eyes what can I say
They turn me on

I don’t care where we go
I don’t care what we do
I don’t care pretty baby
Just take me with u

Come on and touch the place in me
That’s calling out your name
We want each other oh so much
Why must we play this game?

Don’t care where we go
I don’t care what we do
I don’t care pretty baby
Just take me with u

I don’t care if we spend the night at your mansion
I don’t care if we spend the night on the town
All I want is 2 spend the night together
All I want is 2 spend the night in your arms

[...] Light-Switch Moments Atlanta Journal Constitution I was reading about NBA player, Richard Jefferson's canceled wedding not long after a reader sent me an article about men and their light-switch moments. … See all stories on this topic [...]

AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!

July 27th, 2009
9:30 am

Good morning lovelies!

I commend Richard Jefferson for not going through with the wedding. He paid his ex $2 million dollars for her trouble and probably avoided a $20 million dollar divorce down the line.

Seeing as though I’ve never been married, there has been no light switch moment for me. Though both guys and girls I know believe that one day men just wake up one day and are “ready.” And once ready, finding that one becomes a lot easier.

I know several women who have waited around for their guy to finally “be ready.” Many of them have gotten their men to marry them after years of waiting and drama. I just can’t do it. I have to leave. And if he realizes he’s lost a good thing, he can come find me. Either way, walking away has been the best thing for me so I can move on to someone who is ready!

Demi

July 27th, 2009
9:33 am

(Either way, walking away has been the best thing for me so I can move on to someone who is ready!)

Demi shall be good…Demi shall be good…Demi shall be good

(Purple Rain, purple raaaaain!!)

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
9:37 am

Good Morning :mrgreen:
Ared- I agree 1000%

DEmi- Too early for that Sugar :)

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
9:39 am

Demi- Is what you sent me safe to look @:?: LOL

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 27th, 2009
9:40 am

@Prof..huge Prince fan here…I can’t believe it ihas been 25 years. 1984..I was 12 and my room had purple everything.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
9:45 am

Lioness…I am doing good. I am cutting back on my over the top freakiness…demi now past the torch over to Melo’n'W8

…and dressing like a pastor in one of those black mega churches…wearing halo tilt to the side

I am growing…spiritually.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
9:47 am

Lioness…Maaaaaaybe or Maaaaaaaaybe NOT!! LOL

AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!

July 27th, 2009
9:48 am

Richard Jefferson gave a phone interview soon after the news broke. He said he and the ex were still “best friends” and that she was okay with everything. He said they had been having problems for a while and fighting a lot. They went to L.A. over 4th of July and things just came to a head there. So he knew he couldn’t sign up for a lifetime of that.

His ex wasn’t blindsided or anything, RJ was just the one to pull the triger on the relationship.

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
9:50 am

Demi- You are so silly :) I will check it soon.. maybe

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
9:50 am

@ Kym I was 8 and my older sisters were huge Prince fans so I tagged along in their footsteps. I think I am going to listen to Paisley Park or Controversy next…I need to hear “Little Red Corvette”

@ARed I agree with the walking…I was listening to a talk radio show and this lady had been living with this man for 17 years and he would not marry her…they had children and everything. I will never forget when I was talking to this guy and he was so mad with his daddy. His daddy never married his mother (they lived together and had children), but his mother died when he was 18 and his daddy married the new lady within 2 years…he was sick over it.
As for the walking…I have the gift of goodbye I do not mind leaving anything if it is not working out. I will pack up my tears, broken heart and pain and go on…I always pray on my decision and talk with the person…it’s a wrap.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
9:52 am

Richard Jefferson…is a wise man. Too bad many people would have still choose to going along with the program, in order to save face.

I am with A.red…So not worth it!!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
9:54 am

Morning good people!

Purple Rain, purple rain! Fond memories!

Professor – Glad you enjoyed the lemonade! I made a batch for the luncheon/dinner and everyone loved it! And yes, it went GREAT! Both pasta dishes, the salad, bread, everything went over well and they tore it all up! It was a nice change from bbq.

On topic – I had a lightbulb moment with 2 guys in my past. It was after my dad passed in 2006. 2 men I had been seeing alternately on and off for years. I realized they were not ready, were never going to be ready, were not really there for me during my time of need and we were just going nowhere. So, I said in 2007 I was taking out the trash. Eliminated them from my life and I could not have been happier.

As for men, yeah I do believe they get a lightbulb moment and either they are ready and are going to marry you or they are not.

Amred – I’m like you, just don’t have it in me to wait, persuade, cajole, trick, beg, whatever a guy into marrying me. Thats a recipe for disaster and I would never be happy or secure in the marriage.

W8©

July 27th, 2009
9:55 am

“When men figure out the woman of his dreams is closer to the nightmare, does it happen in the same way?”

Yep.

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
9:56 am

TONS of desperate women out here and it is ever so sad!! There are also a BUNCH that say what they won’t do or put up with and are the main ones sticking in it for the long haul of BS..

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
9:57 am

Amred – I saw Jefferson’s ex on GMA. She had a great attitude about it. The interviewer kept wanting to instigate some mess with her, but she kept it classy. She said he really did her a favor by breaking it off.

Best decision for all involved I think.

Pretty Wings

July 27th, 2009
9:58 am

Good Morning!!!

Yes, I have had that light bulb moment, when I knew that the man I was seeing was the man of my dreams. The realization was overwelming because I had never felt so organically connected to another person than I did when I was/or was’nt with him.

The lightbulb moment that lets you know it’s not working is different for everyone, but for me in a relationship was when I realized that his desire to get married and have the perfect wife/life was more important than just being with someone that cared and had mad love for him ……

Yes, I meet men who want to get married……………

Have a great day and I check in later

Grace

July 27th, 2009
10:00 am

TONS of desperate women out here and it is ever so sad!! There are also a BUNCH that say what they won’t do or put up with and are the main ones sticking in it for the long haul of BS.. Lioness :wink:

AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!

July 27th, 2009
10:00 am

I saw Jefferson’s ex on GMA. She had a great attitude about it. The interviewer kept wanting to instigate some mess with her, but she kept it classy. She said he really did her a favor by breaking it off

kimmie – I’ma need his ex to teach a class.

“How to fall in love, but not make a lifetime mistake and still come out a millionaire.”

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
10:04 am

Grace- Ya know.. A lot of chicks living a LIE out here!! Be true to yourself at all times :mrgreen:

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
10:05 am

Amred – O-kaaayyyy!! LOL!

W8©

July 27th, 2009
10:05 am

“The interviewer kept wanting to instigate some mess with her, but she kept it classy.”

Wow, what a concept. Yall have a great day, read you tomorrow….be breezy!!

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 27th, 2009
10:08 am

You know considering I stayed friends with those guys that long I guess I am capable of a long term relationship..ha. Who knew?

Melo (not Demi)

July 27th, 2009
10:10 am

There are also a BUNCH that say what they won’t do or put up with and are the main ones sticking in it for the long haul of BS…

Love will have you doing some strange things:

chick in love: You want to put it wheeere??

dude: Up the dudu hole.

C.I.L.: Okay

M'

July 27th, 2009
10:14 am

Sounds like both Jefferson and his former fiance made the right decision for both parties…I wish more ppl would have the sincerity of thought to recognize the potential for an untimely commitment issue…and do the right thing.

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
10:15 am

I agree she handled herself with a lot of class on GMA. I know it was heartbreaking, but she is doing very well and I have mad r-e-s-p-e-c-t for her (I am using my Aretha voice).
As for an epiphany I had a light bulb moment after my father passed when I graduated from college. I realized my ex (seven years older) did not have any drive and was content with wasting money and never focusing on any long-term plans. I knew that was not the life or relationship that I was welling to endure any longer.

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
10:16 am

Melo…it is too early for that…

How are you?

Name (required)

July 27th, 2009
10:18 am

I had a “RUN AWAY” lightswitch moment when a girl I was dating mentioned that she was a virgin and wouldn’t have sex until marriage. At 25ish years old. Yeah, that was our only date. I have never bought a car without test-driving it first.

I don’t recall a lightswitch moment with my wife, however. It just grew to a point where I knew my life wouldn’t be complete unless she spent it with me.

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
10:20 am

Name-I don’t recall a lightswitch moment with my wife, however. It just grew to a point where I knew my life wouldn’t be complete unless she spent it with me.<– Feeling THAT!!

AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!

July 27th, 2009
10:21 am

LOL @ “Name (required).” Better than being “lurker!”

THE INFAMOUS DOMINICANO DK

July 27th, 2009
10:21 am

R Jefferson is looking like a genius right now.

Merning from the room with the view..

Ahem.. Yeah there are light switch moments to go ahead and light switch moments to stop and go another route. Men are decisive creatures and when something is right we go for the kill and when something is wrong we walk away.

OK off topic. 55,000 dollars a month for spousal support. I think this is ridiculous and no woman deserves that kind of money if she didnt help make it. If she sat home while he was amassing his fortune fine but to come along and have a baby and get that kind of money is insane. This is the nonsense that makes men not want to marry because there is no incentive to do so but there is a cautionary tale around every corner to prove the point why he shouldnt get married. The courts punish dudes for leaving a marriage and it doesnt matter if she was sleeping with the entire Falcon roster, a dude would still end up at fault and have to pay up. Ladies ya’l cry independant all the time until it comes to divorce court then ya’ll become very dependant.. Im just saying..

Melo

July 27th, 2009
10:22 am

Good morning!!
that wasnt me Proff but Demi
Not coming in early today except to say,if u from Jonesboro,smebody is proly phlucking ur dog!! :lol:
check ajc…..

Demi

July 27th, 2009
10:24 am

playing along

Melo…Sup bruh!!

Demi doesn’t remember Melo posting this early

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
10:25 am

Melo I realized it was Demi after I sent submit.

That is nasty about the dogs…it is still too early for that…

I like “Name (required)”

SexyCool - Rising to the top

July 27th, 2009
10:28 am

Three Words Daily – Live with Purpose

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)

July 27th, 2009
10:37 am

Ladies, do you find that the men you are meeting and dating want to get married?

The last guy I DATED wanted to get married at some point in the future but there were a slew of other things that weren’t right or ready..therefore marriage would’ve been a HUGE mistake that I’m glad I didn’t make. Now the guys I’m MEETING are just looking for a quick hit or a “cut buddy” and I’m not that in the least so so much for that.

Have you ever had a light-switch moment with a man when you realized that he was the man of your dreams? How did you handle it?

More and more often the guys I meet/encounter/run across are trying to run as much game as possible….thinking I’m Lisa Lunchmeat or sumthing, so suffice it to say that as I’ve yet to have that light bulb moment with ANYONE. I’m not saying never….just not yet.

MORNIN’ BLOG FAM :mrgreen: I HAD A FAAAABULOUS WEEKEND!!!! :D :lol:

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
10:41 am

Sassy- Lisa Lunchmeat <– :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Morning Sassy ;)

Demi

July 27th, 2009
10:45 am

Now the (guys/gals) I’m MEETING are just looking for a quick hit or a “cut buddy” and I’m not that in the least so so much for that.

LIGHTBULB

A reflection of ones self, no?

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)

July 27th, 2009
10:46 am

Lioness what’s up chica?…hadn’t heard that lisa lunchmeat in a while,huh. I couldn’t help it….

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
10:48 am

Sassy- I am WONDERFUL :D I haven’t heard that in a LONG while :lol:

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)

July 27th, 2009
10:51 am

No Demi not me. When I’m out I’m very well put together from head to toe, if I must say and usually the guys are so obvious that it’s offputting and just plain crass. However I understand your question about it being a reflections of one’s self b/c we can attract what we’re putting out…whether we know it or not. For the record it all I wanted was the wood men are quite easy in that regard. I said it….get at me. :lol:

SexyCool - Rising to the top

July 27th, 2009
10:55 am

I meet really great guys – all the time. I just find that sometimes we are not in the same stage of our life’s journey or not on the same page of the same book. It happens. I have learned to not look at it as a reflection of me, but as a part of life’s journey. When it’s said that ALL things work together for the good, it really means ALL things. I just see each encounter as a part of the ALL.

My light bulb moments have more to do with self-realization than with the realization of others. The ability to be self-aware is a gift from the Universe for which I am eternally grateful.

abc

July 27th, 2009
10:57 am

Regarding off-switch moments, sure, I think it hits everyone when enough badness accumulates. You just get to the point when you say, ‘done’, my thermometer just popped out, my pot boiled over, time to get out of the heat. I get out, I stay out — done is done.

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

July 27th, 2009
11:00 am

Morning Ya’ll! Weekend was great, now its back to the monday grind.

I have met quite a few dudes that said they wanted to get married which I thought was cool. We werent on the same page but that didnt mean there wasnt someone out there for them with the same goal in mind.

SCool – I agree with this “My light bulb moments have more to do with self-realization than with the realization of others”. I remember calling off an engagement b/c I had a lightbulb moment. It was definitely b/c I realized that I was in NO WAY ready to be anyone’s wife. Saved a lot of potential grief for myself and old boy

SexyCool - Rising to the top

July 27th, 2009
11:02 am

Overheard in my workplace this morning – “The lack of motivation and intelligence around this place is ASTOUNDING!!!”

LMAO!!!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
11:02 am

I just see each encounter as a part of the ALL.

SCool – I feel you on this!

You know, life is funny. Some people have come on this blog and complained about how folks don’t want to “tough it out” anymore, that people don’t try to “make it work” and want instant gratification. Say that some women don’t want to give “good men” a chance and vice-versa. Today we find it all boils down to a light-bulb, ah-ha moment! Either a dude is ready and is ready to do it with YOU or he’s not and no amount of “putting in the work” or “hanging in there” is gonna change that!

Yeah, real funny.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)

July 27th, 2009
11:05 am

Sexy…that 10:55 was on pernt.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)

July 27th, 2009
11:09 am

Either a dude is ready and is ready to do it with YOU or he’s not and no amount of “putting in the work” or “hanging in there” is gonna change that!

Weeeellll……as Sister Sassafrass puts a lil money in the collection plate for the building fund.

For Real

July 27th, 2009
11:10 am

Off topic: In honor of Purple Rain For Real is now donning the same outfit that Prince wore on his Dirty Mind ablum cover.

On Topic: I hate to break it to you ladies but 90% of all men that is/got married did so for this reason – “Well we been together dis long may as well marry her azz. Beside who else will put up with my ish”

Like Chris Rock said “Men don’t get married we submit” – For men that light switch moment is usually “fugg dis I’m out”

Of course some men want to get married (not me tho). Men are not against marriage. It’s just idea that everything you work hard for can be taken away from all because someone else isn’t happy. I know, I know, you can’t go into a marriage thinking that way but making decision without looking at all sides is foolish at best. But it makes you wonder why women are Allergic to pre-nups tho.

I don’t understand why the chicks on the blog are praising Richard Jefferson’s ole girl. Is it because he gave 2million? Also, if she is so hurt by this why is she on TV promoting it? Oh and why in the hell did he give her 2million? She ain’t paid for ish!

For Real now looking like Prince on his Lovesexy album.

TOUCH ITTTTTT!!!!

Demi

July 27th, 2009
11:15 am

SexyCool…that was sooooo on point!!

Sassy…just checkin li’momma…I am in no mood for male bashin…feel free to do so tomorrow, LOL

East Point's Own

July 27th, 2009
11:17 am

From what I read this was the second time he called off the engagement. So he knew a long time ago that the relationship was suspect, but he came back only to confirm that she wasn’t the one.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
11:18 am

Mo…you enjoy your freedom too darn much to be tied down anytime soon…companionship for now and then…suits you better…you don’t have time for games.

Tazzee - countdown to Pensacola Beach

July 27th, 2009
11:19 am

Morning Folks!

It’s been a while since I’ve met a man that wasn’t marriage-minded…well at least he said he was.

I’ve shared my off-switch moment on here before – my longest relationship, ended with his answer to one question.

Ahh, Purple Rain – I was 14, loved the movie and the concert.

I’m glad a lot of folks had a wonderful weekend – I did too.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
11:23 am

(It’s just idea that everything you work hard for can be taken away from all because someone else isn’t happy)

I got one for you…why do most men marry broke? There are plenty of sucessful women…then again…most sucessful women aren’t looking to be or get married…they career be they husband and employees they kids, LOL.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

July 27th, 2009
11:23 am

Hi All …I’ve been out of town for weeks putting out another “fire”. Only dropping in for a moment.

“When men figure out the woman of his dreams is closer to the nightmare, does it happen in the same way?”

This is much easier to identify with for a man IMHO. For me at least. The “right one” for me is not an “ah hah” moment, it is a gradual realization that I am comfortable and content. Conversly, the “Wrong One” is more of a lightning bolt moment like “uh oh, where’s the door, quick”.

My 2 pennies worth.

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

July 27th, 2009
11:25 am

Demi – you think so? LOL! I make the best of my time. When a man comes along that Im feeling then I’ll enjoy my free time and him too. Being tied down isnt an issue, being tied down with the wrong person is. But I dont have time for games. HEY CHOCOLATE BABY

Demi

July 27th, 2009
11:25 am

(Either a dude is ready and is ready to do it with YOU or he’s not and no amount of “putting in the work” or “hanging in there” is gonna change that!)

Kimmie…timing can be a mugg, huh?

Simp

July 27th, 2009
11:25 am

A light switching moment happens when a person feels they are about to lose someone. So they propose, hoping that will buy some time and keep the relationship together. On the other hand, when a person turns up the heat. They dont want to date forever. So the person jet out.

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

July 27th, 2009
11:30 am

Oh and as for Purple Rain, I will be watching it tonight on DVD. I hope Prince tours again b/c his concert was by far one of the best (if not the best) I’ve ever been to.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
11:31 am

For Real – I could care less about what he gave her, which if I remember her correctly, was well below 2 mil. Anyway, she said over the years her career was put on hold running around with him. Nobody put a gun to either one of them, so it’s his money to give if he wants to.

I’m not heaping praise on her cause I know hundreds of people more deserving of praise, people that are out there really making a difference.

I was just pleased that she kept it classy, she didn’t dog ole boy even when folks tried go there with her. That’s all. My opinion, mind you.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
11:31 am

Mo…you know, she called me Chocolate Baby last night…I am like, “I have a good woman!!” LOL

you are still allowed to call me that…feeling are different. You, as if I am your favorite li’bro…her, I maybe 5 sec from being raped, HEEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!

For Real

July 27th, 2009
11:33 am

“by far one of the best (if not the best)” – Man I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this before. Hey Tippy-Toes!

For Real now switching into Prince’s Purple Rain outfit while sitting on his Huffy.

Tazzee - countdown to Pensacola Beach

July 27th, 2009
11:34 am

Mo – I don’t know about that tour, I heard he was having (or had) hip surgery. But his last tour was GREAT! I would love to see Prince in concert again.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
11:34 am

(Conversly, the “Wrong One” is more of a lightning bolt moment like “uh oh, where’s the door, quick”.)

Or when ol’girl put a gun to your head and you notices there is white around her nose, LOL!!!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
11:35 am

Demi – Timing is everything – people forget that!

The Truth-Don't Call it a Comeback

July 27th, 2009
11:40 am

On topic: Most guys get to a point where they accept a woman into their heart. It is not the same as dating but its when he says this is mine and thats that light switch moment. Five seconds before that moment he doesnt know its coming but its the way she does something, says something, or does nothing at all. Usually that moment has more to do with a whole lotta things other than sex, her push up bra, or her Mac make-up. Shes allowed into his inner circle and can even visit his cave. She’s raised to another level in his mind and heart, the position is hers and no other woman can take it, though she can give it away.

Any woman making powers plays before that moment is heading for disaster. After that she has a very receptive ear. Its the exact same as a cat trying to get with you before your ready to give it to him. Its pathetic.

So ladies, do like my mom told me when i showed interest in women. “Be patient” I still remember the day she told me that, though it took awhile to figure out exactly what she meant.

And yes, though love can happen in an instance it takes time to get to that point. My theory is its where love meets respect.

What it do folks?

Public shout out to SexyCool, if you need a resume done that girl has skills. Take a look at her services.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
11:41 am

Maynnnnnne!!!!!!! After calculating and the math…Demi feels young

25 years ago…I was 5 years old and running around in batman’s drawls, like it was cool or something.

MrHughes

July 27th, 2009
11:42 am

I’ve had lightbulb moments with the last two women i dated seriously enough to call girlfriends/potential girl friends.

The first was a long term relationship. We had trouble for awhile, separated, tried to make it work (were unable to), and then she decided that she needed time alone to decide what she wanted. Unfortunately, her “time alone” morphed into a fling with another dude while simultaneously telling me she wanted to maybe work things out with me. So, the light bulb went off for me to say that I can’t make the choice to be with someone that thinks a fling is more important than a long term relationship. I think everything would have just gone better had there been honesty. The sad thing is that the new dude dogged her pretty bad. But, the moment gave me clarity as I saw where I really stood. We can be friends, but if I can’t trust you, then we can’t be in a relationship. She not a bad person. We are still friends; she’s a great person, but she is not a great person for me to be in a relationship with. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out, and that’s okay.

My other light bulb was with another girl who is best described as a potential girlfriend. The truth is that I realize she might be the one. I knew it the night we met. She’s a lot like the first girl, but more put together in a better place emotionally, financially, etc. We just simply click. We enjoy the same things and our lives and personalities are more complimentary of one another. It’s what I wished for with the first girl, but so much easier. When it’s right there’s no effort involved… Moreover, she’s on my mind daily, even though we are both incredibly buzy and missing one another. But, I’m of the opinion that if it’s meant to happen it will. Plus, her job and son moved her out of the city. So, I’m not picking up my life just yet.

In my opinion a relationship should be the icing on the cake, rather than the cake itself. I’m working on my piece of cake.

I guess I have lightbulb moments with everyone I date… Whether its someone being belligerant about my time, when i can hang with them, or just being rude and inconsiderate of me, my friends, my time, money, etc. Those are definately defining moments for me in terms of whether i will see someone again.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
11:43 am

For Real…SUP!! You know your boy is now speeding pass all strippa clubs now…And no more 1800 silver straight!!!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
11:45 am

Truth – Hey blog hubby!

Tazzee - countdown to Pensacola Beach

July 27th, 2009
11:51 am

Truth How are you man? Glad to see you check in.

Page1908

July 27th, 2009
11:53 am

LOL @ Demi and For Real getting drunk. You know ya’ll are some crazy fools, right? lol

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

July 27th, 2009
11:57 am

Hey Truth!! Glad you could drop in!

For Real – hey Big Swole! :smile: Im telling you, a Prince concert is that ISH!!!!

Tazzee – I heard that about is Royal Badness but I still would love to see him perform again, even if it is minus the splits. I went to see him during his last tour as well.

Demi – you know I cant stop calling you that! LOL!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

July 27th, 2009
11:59 am

@Demi…true…guns do get my attention quickly. I think I am going to leave the real “psycho chicks” to you Dude. You have more experience with how to “extract” oneself under fire, LOL.

MrHughes

July 27th, 2009
12:01 pm

@The Truth-Don’t Call it a Comeback
I definately feel you on your post.
I feel like #1 had her place and gave it away. And, I can go right to the moment where #2 earned her place. We’d met at this party last summer and where just talking. She already knew what I did for a living and I was talking about it with her and someone else at the party. I said something kinda dismissive about it because I don’t make a ton of money and she said like “don’t ever talk down what you do, it’s important”. From that moment I realized that she supported me in a a real way that no one ever had before. That’s powerful, valuable, and rare. From that point I realized that she was someone I wanted to have in my life and I’d only known her for 30 minutes.

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
12:05 pm

I am still listening to Prince, but I am listening to this collaboration he did with Miles Davis (ohh I love that man) “If I was your girlfriend.” I am going to change gears and head straight to Miles after this…

****In my opinion a relationship should be the icing on the cake, rather than the cake itself. I’m working on my piece of cake.****

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)

July 27th, 2009
12:17 pm

Mr. Hughes your 11:42 was deep….I hope things work out in the future with #2….that seems to be where your heart is.

AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!

July 27th, 2009
12:23 pm

HEY TRUTH!!! *smooches*

Simp

July 27th, 2009
12:23 pm

Hey, Has anyone paid any attention to all the car-jacking. Be careful. Just a note.

Professor...ahhh

July 27th, 2009
12:24 pm

It is time to go when:

1. You do not know where s/he lives
2. S/He keeps everything private
3. You are left alone on holidays
4. You never met any family, friends etc.
5. It is sometimes difficult to reach that person via phone, text etc.
6. The finances are horrible
7. The house is nasty
8. You never really heard the person say anything positive
9. Your deepest conversation is when you recap what happened on reality tv
10. Time together is sporadic
11. He did not take out the trash (just kidding)…
12. Not spiritual enough
13. Too Spiritual

Elijah ( Satisfaction Guaranteed)

July 27th, 2009
12:42 pm

Good Afternoon folks!

Light bulb moment what is that? I have them all the time! Everytime I meet a beautiful intelligent woman who is a major sports fan I will have a light bulb moment! :lol:

When I was reading one of SexyCool’s poem I had a light bulb moment :wink:

I did not like Mr. Prince when he first came out in the late Seventies! But his music has grown on me! Now, I am a huge fan especially since I went to see Mr. Purple in Concert. One of my top 5 performance that I have ever seen!

1 Michael Jackson
2. The Temps and O’jays
3. Luther Vandross
4. Prince
5. Janet Jackson

That is my top 5 favorite concert performances list!

Foots

July 27th, 2009
1:11 pm

Truth — I’m with your mom on that being patient. I’m still working on that, but I’m a lot better than I used to be. There have been so many instances of Future Talk coming from him that it would be easy for me to get caught up. But I’m trying to take it all in stride and just enjoy today for what it is. I think he’s had his light-bulb moment and I know that he’s making some decisions right now that will affect both of us. I’m just going to let it all unfold and see what happens.

Elijah ( Satisfaction Guaranteed)

July 27th, 2009
1:21 pm

What’s up Demi?

I see you have given up the stripper clubs! Can I have your VIP pass? :lol:

Ladies most definitely keep you head up while driving in these mean streets of Atlanta. They thieves and robbers are taking no prisoners.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
1:41 pm

Goodness it’s dead in here today!

main lurker

July 27th, 2009
1:47 pm

LOL @ “Name (required).” Better than being “lurker!”

main lurker

July 27th, 2009
1:50 pm

Ared Read or skip…that’s easy enough for you

AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!

July 27th, 2009
1:51 pm

Goodness it’s dead in here today!

And remember, the next new topic comes Wednesday so we’ve gotta make this one last.

I’m quiet cuz I’m already in vacation mode. I’m here at work knocking stuff out.

I just got a buy one get one free coupon for Jamba Juice…so right on time!!!

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)

July 27th, 2009
1:55 pm

Goodness it’s dead in here today!

I know right?!…..the nerve of y’all…got me over here being all productive and stuff. :???:

main lurker

July 27th, 2009
1:57 pm

“Well we been together dis long may as well marry her azz.”

I can believe that. I have a friend that told me he married another after his true love moved to another city. Said post her moving, he’d picked up with another chick that was cool enough but not the same as the first chick. Said he was stalling with the 2nd chick and although 2nd chick was cool and they’d been together by that time, a good while, her mom simply put it to him to not drag her along. Either marry her or let her go. They’ve been married now 12 years but he said even after then he still thought about the chick that moved and it took him next to forever to really move past her.

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 27th, 2009
1:58 pm

@kimmmie I am peaking in and studying for a final, inbetween phone calls and other work obligations.

@Poppa G what is a fair amount of time needed to prep for the LSAT? I took it twice but that was 5 years ago so those scores are out. 6/8 months. I am thinking I will give myself on and off a year and try to squeeze in one of those expensive ass classes. But your opinion on this subject matter would be greatly appreciated.

Lurky lurked

July 27th, 2009
2:07 pm

Confessions&awards:
Most stu,pid= all the blog freakies that get mad for sharing the same hotdog

Most wanted= The blog simp that controls the freakies
Most wisdom= poppa grande
Most lies = freaks and simps
Most comical=blog lies
Most stu;pid = blog chicas that share the same hotdog
Most nasty= not putting plastic on the hotdog

I'm swiss

July 27th, 2009
2:08 pm

Afternoon, blogville. Swiss blogging via iPhone, drunk off my ass at the airport, waiting on a flight to San Fran.

Re: Prince — I’ve got a bootleg of a Prince show at Phillips from a few years back. I would post the link today, but Swiss Miss turned off my Linux server at home. Remind me on Wednesday & I’ll post it for anyone interested.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)

July 27th, 2009
2:09 pm

They’ve been married now 12 years but he said even after then he still thought about the chick that moved and it took him next to forever to really move past her.

And you know what?….I bet the wife doesn’t even know that she’s his second choice…..other wise she probably would’ve bounced, then again she might’ve been one of those “we been together this long and I ain’t startin’ over with nobody else” type of women….go figure. My pride and “big ego” would never allow that. I am NO ONE’S second/after thought.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
2:24 pm

Main lurker/Sassy – This happens SO much more than you know! Men try to ACT like they have no trouble moving on, but that’s all it is with a lot – an act! Just cause he’s moved on physically with someone else does not mean he’s all in mentally! That’s why when that mess went down with the SC gov. and he said he LOVED and was SOULMATES with ms. Argentina – wifey does not have a ghost of a chance of ever having his heart!

Most of the time, the “consolation prize” wife may never find out – but there will never be that REAL connection! Something will always be MISSING!

Poppa Grande

July 27th, 2009
2:24 pm

Kym

I agree with 6 to 8 months. Then about 60 to 90 days consecutive leading up to the test itself. In that last month, do at least 2 practice tests a week. It’ll get you used to the length of the test. So, that would mean that if you start now, it probably would be best to take the December test. You might be able to take the October one, but that would be pushing it a bit.

As far as prep, I used the Kaplan CD rom that you can buy in Barnes & Noble, Waldenbooks, Borders, etc. It is way cheaper than the course, and it teaches the same principles. It schedules practice test for you. It was about 35.00 when I bought it a few years back.

You can always buy a book of old tests from LSAC too. Practice, practice, practice.

The classes really just give you one more resource for help than the CD-Rom does. It gives you a live person who has experience with its method.

Good luck.

The thing is that I just gave all that LSAT stuff away to an organization that provides those resources to minorities aspiring to get a legal education. If you’d asked before July 18th, I could have forwarded you my old stuff.

Are you still thinking about sending the son to boarding school? If so, that might be best time to go forward with that legal education. My first year was pure hell on wheels. I lived at the library when I wasn’t at work.

Blasted legal research, writing and analysis will drive you to drink Kool-Aid with no sugar or water.

AmazonRed™ - it's already a grrrreat day!

July 27th, 2009
2:26 pm

My pride and “big ego” would never allow that. I am NO ONE’S second/after thought.

Sassy – A lot of people have “the one who got away” in their lives, whether they let others know or not. Are those people just supposed to stay single forever? Sometimes you just gotta face reality and move on with your life.

Does this mean you’ll never date a widow?

Demi

July 27th, 2009
2:29 pm

Elijah…Sure!! You may have all of my VIP passes for: Blue Flame, blazes, Foxy, Pin-up, Pink Pony..Demi is now has tears rolling down his eyes.Shooters…that mexican spot on Bulford hwy..Demi is now boohoo crying..MAGIC CIIIIITY…AND STROKERS!!!!!

Cry me a river
Cry me a river, oh
Cry me a river, oh
Cry me a river, oh

Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)

Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river
(Cry me, cry me)

main lurker

July 27th, 2009
2:30 pm

Kimmie/Sassy….nope she doesn’t know. I mean they seem to be a cool couple and the ying to each other’s yang so, I don’t make any assessements from the outward appearance. I must say though because they could really give a stab at being couple of the year, I was suprised my ownself at that confession.

main lurker

July 27th, 2009
2:36 pm

If I can add, I have mad mad respect for him though because he’s always saying something really positive about her….the wife.

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 27th, 2009
2:41 pm

@Poppa G yeah I am thinking that since the son is highschool bound it would be the best time to start. Boarding school is still up in the air..he showed his Aries horns this year and floundered a bit. But he shall get back on track.

Boarding school or not I think this is the best time to get started. I will finish the Paralegal coursework in December..yippie. So I am thinking Jan until June study and shoot for October testing. When I took the previous test I had the LSAT Logic Reasoning bible and Reading Comp(graciously given by a wonderful person) but they have changed the test a bit. So I will grab the new stuff and buy a few test from LSAT.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
2:46 pm

Page1908…I was trying to hang with them tall brothers in the drinking department…I should have just stay my short behind in my lane…two double shots of 1800 and two hiennys…I was done!!

Demi

July 27th, 2009
2:49 pm

main lurker…wow, sounds like the both of them are putting in a lot of work, to make their relationship seem effordless.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
2:50 pm

Main lurker – Sometimes the grass always looks greener too. He does not know if things would have worked out with “one that got away” or not. He could have dodged a bullet!

main lurker

July 27th, 2009
2:53 pm

main lurker…wow, sounds like the both of them are putting in a lot of work, to make their relationship seem effordless.

yep, they try and do pretty much everything together

Main lurker – Sometimes the grass always looks greener too. He does not know if things would have worked out with “one that got away” or not. He could have dodged a bullet!

Yep, so true. That’s another way to view things.

Poppa Grande

July 27th, 2009
2:54 pm

Kym

Good luck to you.

I wasn’t trying to scare you about the legal writing but it is what it is. Very time consuming.

I have friend that is planning to take it this October. I gave him the spill about the time consumption. So it is just my standard spill.

SexyCool - In the cut...

July 27th, 2009
2:57 pm

We all or have been someone’s second choice whether we know/knew it or not.

We have all made someone our second choice whether intentionally or not.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit is NO ONE'S after thought ... :-)

July 27th, 2009
2:59 pm

Does this mean you’ll never date a widow?

AmRed you’re right about the “one that got away” theory and no I wouldn’t think they’d stay single forever. What I meant was that some people move on to the next when the haven’t gotten over the last and two things(people) cannot occupy the same space(heart) at the same time. Some people know when they’re playing second fiddle to another and some stick around….I wouldn’t.

As for dating a widower, that’s a different situation. Now if he were recently widowed then probable not for reasons mentioned in the afore paragraph…..BUT if he’s been widowed for a while then that’s something I would consider.

main lurker

July 27th, 2009
3:01 pm

One more….my sister and I and a close family friend all worked for the same company a few years back and all got invited to a “get together” by one of the coworkers….mmm mmm mmm…LM…he was mmm mmm mmmm…no words. Anyway, he’d been married I’d say by the maybe 5 years. Well, during the course of a conversation between him and a dude coworker, the dude coworker took one look at his wife and was like, awww man I see why you settled down. He said, naaah, I was just ready. She was at the right place, the right time. Maybe not a light switch moment for her, but I’d say for him.

main lurker

July 27th, 2009
3:04 pm

We all or have been someone’s second choice whether we know/knew it or not. We have all made someone our second choice whether intentionally or not.

Yep, true.

I’d say I’m in a pretty good place relationship wise but I’d definitely say stockbroker was the one that got away…

SexyCool - In the cut...

July 27th, 2009
3:05 pm

And it’s not a good or a bad thing…it just is what it is.

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 27th, 2009
3:07 pm

@Poppa G not scared at all. All I can do is give it my best shot. Heck I wasn’t sure about this paralegal stuff until I tried..(still not so sure) but I have trained my focus a bit on working for the government. I saw some pretty cool jobs with the Feds so I am like what the heck might as well get the whole shibang if I can. Nothing beats a failure but a try.

Liz

July 27th, 2009
3:10 pm

Enter your comments here

Lurky lurked

July 27th, 2009
3:19 pm

I see all those cesspool orgyy freakies are scared to blog today BAD Day

Pretty Wings

July 27th, 2009
3:19 pm

Good Afternoon All!

@ Sexy Cool – Your 2:57 was on point!

Lord Velonese

July 27th, 2009
3:20 pm

I have only three speeds, Piss off, I hate you, or now I going to do everything in my power to make your life a living hell. Choose wisely for I will not be held responsible for the out come, you’ve been warned…..

Poppa Grande

July 27th, 2009
3:20 pm

Kym</strong.

The other thing that I preach is to research the schools.

For example, since you want to work gov’t you may want to try Georgia State or UGA.

Private schools like Emory or Mercer, might make it really tough for you to repay your loans. I have a friend that wanted to work in the Federal gov’t, but he went to Vanderbilt for law. With that amount of debt, he wasn’t able to do the federal job route. (He is a partner at a huge firm here now).

Pretty Wings

July 27th, 2009
3:24 pm

Although I really don’t think it matters if you are the 1, 2nd or 3rd choice, the real question is were you the right choice.

The Late Bishop GE Patterson would stand whenever his wife walked into the room….this went on even after they had been married for over 30years……..So the real issue is growing love…….love that never stops taking shape is real love to me.

Pretty Wings

July 27th, 2009
3:28 pm

Can You Stand the Rain”

On a perfect day
I know that I can count on you
When that’s not possible
Tell me, can you weather the storm
Cause I need somebody who will stand by me
Through the good times and bad times
She will always, always be right there

[Chorus: ]
Sunny days, everybody loves them
Tell me
Can you stand the rain
Storms will come
This we know for sure
Can you stand the rain

Love unconditional
I’m not asking this of you
We’ve got to make it last
I’ll do whatever needs to be done
Cause I need somebody who will stand by me
When it’s time she won’t run
She will always, always be right there

[Chorus]

Can you stand the rain [4 times]
No pressure, no pressure from me baby
Cause I want you
And I need you
And I love you
Will you be there for me
Can you stand the rain [6 times]

Kym-I am the mystery in the room

July 27th, 2009
3:33 pm

@Poppa G GA State is my top choice(part-time and I got my undergrad there) I know the program is hard to get into. Not sure if alot of people know this but the Feds do have a loan-forgiveness program for public service workers(another reason I am considering gov’t service) It started in 2007…here is the link.. http://studentaid.ed.gov/students/publications/student_guide/2009-2010/english/loancancellation.htm

It may not be for everyone but since I already work in public service and would like to stay in that field it works out great for me.

Turd Ferguson

July 27th, 2009
3:33 pm

Beauty is only a light-switch away.

Poppa Grande

July 27th, 2009
3:34 pm

Although I really don’t think it matters if you are the 1, 2nd or 3rd choice, the real question is were you the right choice.

That was worth repeating.

If you are Christian, you should know that pride is one of the seven deadly sins. Letting pride keep you from a blessing that you are supposed to receive isn’t very wise.

By doing that, you are allowing pride to block what could be a blessing.

main lurker

July 27th, 2009
3:41 pm

Although I really don’t think it matters if you are the 1, 2nd or 3rd choice, the real question is were you the right choice.

…..and another “yep”

Pretty Wings

July 27th, 2009
3:42 pm

@Poppa Grand – How did you know you had made the right choice?

Lioness-

July 27th, 2009
3:46 pm

PG- Letting pride keep you from a blessing that you are supposed to receive isn’t very wise.<–AMEN!!!!

SexyCool - In the cut...

July 27th, 2009
3:50 pm

My opinion is that when you are in a relationship, every day, you are choosing that person. So, it’s not a one time choice, it is a continual choice.

You are saying every day, “I choose you.”

Pretty Wings

July 27th, 2009
3:52 pm

Hey Lioness! Pride would not keep me from him,but his inability to make a decision would.

Demi

July 27th, 2009
3:57 pm

I am OUT!!!!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
4:04 pm

Pride would not keep me from him,but his inability to make a decision would.

Pretty Wings – I agree – not sitting around for years waiting on anyone to have their “lightbulb moment”!

I’m not silly with the pride thing – being that my SO is a widower I know I’m not his first love. In fact, very few of us are with our first loves, like what SCool said. But I DO know that I would not stand to be TREATED like 2nd choice, or leftovers! That’s where the “pride” would come in with me.

Poppa Grande

July 27th, 2009
4:10 pm

Pretty Wings

How did you know you had made the right choice?

LOL…You would ask me that today. She danced all on that last nerve over the weekend.

Anyways….I don’t recall a light switch moment for the wife. It was a gradual thing.

However, like the other guys, I have had light switch moments when it wasn’t the female was the one.

We didn’t force something to be there that wasn’t. Things just happened on their natural pace. We supported each other in his/her endeavors but we let each still live our lives.

We both are very competitive (she was a gymnast) so many folks have wondered how we have made it work. (She might be tad more competitive as I’ve found out on air hockey at D&Bs)

Respect is there and it is mutual.

Pretty Wings

July 27th, 2009
4:10 pm

@Sexy Cool – Yes!

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

July 27th, 2009
4:17 pm

SCool – That last post……on point chica….

Pretty Wings

July 27th, 2009
4:18 pm

Hey Kimmie- Imma need that light bulb to be a energy saver as well, meaning no drama!

Poppa Grande

July 27th, 2009
4:19 pm

Kimmie

But I DO know that I would not stand to be TREATED like 2nd choice, or leftovers!

Now that is sensible.

Pretty Wings

July 27th, 2009
4:20 pm

Hey Mo! Looks like a meeting in the ladies room!! LOL

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

July 27th, 2009
4:26 pm

We didn’t force something to be there that wasn’t. Things just happened on their natural pace. We supported each other in his/her endeavors but we let each still live our lives.

PG – Best thing I’ve read all day. Every successful relationship I hear about has this in common – nothing was forced, things progressed at a natural pace!

Mo (aka Moeisha-)

July 27th, 2009
4:29 pm

Pretty Wings – guess so chica! PG is the lonely dude holding it down right now!

main lurker

July 27th, 2009
5:03 pm

Enter your comments here

Lurky lurked

July 27th, 2009
5:17 pm

Str8 control by fear not good